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Zorro

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Gender: Male
Hometown: City of Angels
Member since: 2001
Number of posts: 8,376

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Florida candidate apologizes amid fake-diploma controversy, says she will stay in race

Source: Orlando Sentinel

A Republican candidate for the Florida Legislature apologized Monday for saying she had a college degree that she didn't complete, but said she will stay in the race "and lead by example from now on."

Melissa Howard last week posted a photo of herself with what looked like a Miami University diploma after being accused of lying about her degree. The Ohio university later sent reporters a statement saying she attended the school, but never graduated and the diploma Howard posted has inaccuracies.

Howard posted an apology on her campaign Facebook page and admitted she didn't graduate from the school.

"I made a mistake in saying that I completed my degree. What I did was wrong and set a bad example for someone seeking public service. I am staying in the race and intend to win and lead by example from now on," she said.

Read more: http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/politics/political-pulse/os-melissa-howard-fake-diploma-20180813-story.html



Of course she'll stay in and continue her campaign after being publicly busted for lying to the voters.

It's the Republican way.

The Founding Fathers would have impeached corrupt Trump in a New York minute

Conservatives, we are constantly told, believe in strict adherence to the Constitution based primarily on the text and secondarily on the views of the Founding Fathers, who wrote and breathed life into our founding document. If conservatives really were “originalists,” they would be the first to say that Donald Trump is exactly the kind of president who ought to be impeached.

Unique among presidents, Trump has divided loyalties. He has entangled his business interests with his official duties, creating the impression, if not the reality, that his own financial interest — not his duty as president — guides his thoughts and actions.

The Founding Fathers, savvy students of history and human nature, were highly attuned to the risks of public corruption — actual or perceived — and inserted language into the Articles of Confederation and later into the Constitution to guard against such human frailties. They wanted to make sure that anyone who held a public office would serve only one master: the American people.

For the Founders, public corruption wasn’t just a theoretical danger. They viewed it as the primary threat to their independence. Living in a small, fledgling country, the Americans feared that the European powers would seize control of the American democracy by flattering and bribing our officials.

https://www.marketwatch.com/story/the-founding-fathers-would-have-impeached-trump-in-a-new-york-minute-2018-08-10

Car crash on I-5 leads to a fight and deaths of both drivers

Two people are dead following a vehicle collision Sunday morning on Interstate 5 that led to a fight between the two drivers.

The vehicles stuck each other in the northbound lanes of I-5 in Sacramento, Calif., around 3:44 a.m., according to Mike Zerfas, California Highway Patrol public information officer.

The two drivers, both male, then drove farther north on the freeway, stopped near Del Paso Road, exited their vehicles and began to fight, Zerfas said. One of the drivers was killed in the fight after suffering what appears to be blunt force trauma. Then the second driver, walking north on the freeway, was struck and killed by a passing motorist.

“It escalated from a traffic collision to a fight to a homicide,” said Zerfas.

https://www.sacbee.com/news/local/crime/article216544255.html

Carma.

2 women accused of smuggling arrested at border; 81-year-old allegedly had 92 pounds of heroin

Officers at two San Diego County border crossings seized more than 270 pounds of drugs within 15 hours and arrested two women on suspicion of smuggling those drugs.

One was an 81-year-old accused of having 92 pounds of heroin in her car, federal officials said Thursday.

That woman, a U.S. citizen, was stopped about 11:30 a.m. Wednesday at the Tecate Port of Entry when a drug-sniffing dog zeroed in on her 2011 Chrysler 200, Customs and Border Protection spokeswoman Shalene Thomas said.

In a secondary inspection area, CBP officers discovered 34 packages of heroin totaling 92 pounds in the Chrysler’s rocker panels, Thomas said. The estimated street value is more than $870,000.

https://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-border-smuggling-heroin-women-20180810-story.html

Damn. 81 years old.

The unimpeachable integrity of the Republicans

Finally , Rep. Devin Nunes has given Americans a reason to reelect Republicans.

They want to have an impeachment!

No, not that impeachment.

The chairman of the House Intelligence Committee told donors that “most” Republicans are on board with impeaching Rod J. Rosenstein, the deputy attorney general, according to a recording broadcast this week by MSNBC. They just don’t have time “right before the election.” Hence the need to retain a GOP majority.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/quick-impeach-rosenstein-before-republicans-lose-reelection/2018/08/10/6d7a4020-9cb8-11e8-843b-36e177f3081c_story.html

Pentagon Officials Listen In Silence As Mike Pence Details Plans For Angel-Guided Weapons System



WASHINGTON—Feigning polite interest throughout the 90-minute meeting, Pentagon officials from all five branches of the armed forces listened in silence Thursday as Mike Pence presented his detailed plans for a state-of-the-art angel-guided weapons system.

“Though we are grateful for the vice president’s interest in national defense, the prospect of using seraphim-targeted bombs and heretic-seeking missiles to protect America from hostile sinners is not feasible, nor indeed useful, at this time,” said Secretary of Defense James Mattis, graciously thanking Pence for his hand-drawn schematics of a proposed Holy Ghost cloaking device that would allow planes to fly undetected above the homes of prostitutes and thieves.

“Obviously, we cannot plan our defense against North Korea around the face of God appearing before Kim Jong-un and turning him into a pillar of salt, but it’s not like I can tell the vice president of the United States to stop talking. Luckily, he wound down after explaining how the Gabriel’s Trumpet Alert System worked, which is just as well, because apparently the idea behind it is that we would just all ascend bodily into Heaven, which in many ways contradicts our current strategic goals.”

The National Guard, however, may consider Pence’s contingency plans for non-lethal counters to possible civil unrest, saying the idea of a crowd-dispersing holy water cannon is “not completely without merit.”

https://politics.theonion.com/pentagon-officials-listen-in-silence-as-mike-pence-deta-1828231250

Shy Congressman Wishes Other Lawmakers Would Include Him In Their Crimes



WASHINGTON—Saying he just wants to fit in with his colleagues, shy Rep. Harold Olsen confided to reporters Wednesday that he often feels left out of all the illegal activities going on in Congress and wishes his fellow lawmakers would include him in their crimes.

“I see everyone around me committing these felonies—embezzlement, tax evasion, insider trading—and all I want is to join in and be a part of it,” said the bashful congressman from South Carolina, adding that he knows a lot about racketeering and wire fraud, as well as making false statements to federal investigators, and would thus have a lot to offer.

“I saw a group of high-ranking congressmen chatting the other day, and I wanted to ask if I could join their money-laundering scheme, but I lost my nerve. It’s so intimidating to approach these guys because they’ve been committing crimes together for years, even decades. But I know if someone gave me a chance, I could prove I’m every bit as seedy as they are. I’ve been misusing public funds on my own for so long—imagine how much we could steal if we worked together!”

Olsen added that maybe he could impress his colleagues by inviting them out on the boat he bought with campaign contributions.

https://politics.theonion.com/shy-congressman-wishes-other-lawmakers-would-include-hi-1828200764

Northrop's new CEO adds to growing number of women leading defense firms

The already small roster of Fortune 500 companies led by women will shrink even further after PepsiCo Inc. Chief Executive Indra Nooyi steps down from her role this year. But in one sector that has been male-dominated, gender balance seems to be moving in the opposite direction.

By next year, three of the top U.S. defense firms — Lockheed Martin Corp., General Dynamics Corp. and most recently, Northrop Grumman Corp. — will have a female CEO. And Boeing Co. has had a woman at the helm of its $21-billion defense, space and security business since 2016.

While industry officials and observers have cheered the progress, many also say the corner office moves don’t reflect sweeping change in the overall industry. An survey released last year by trade publication Aviation Week found that only 24% of the aerospace and defense workforce is female. That number is down from 26% 10 years earlier.

Women made up only 3.2% of the logging industry, 9.1% of the construction workforce and 23.5% of the transportation and utilities industry, according to a report published last year by Catalyst, a nonprofit organization that supports women in the workplace.

http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-women-defense-ceos-20180808-story.html

Defiant Manafort Enters Trial Wearing Coat Made Of Live Puffins

Alex Jones Returns To Humble Roots Of Screaming Conspiracy Theories Through Megaphone

AUSTIN, TX—Acknowledging that his recent removal from several major media platforms may be for the best, noted conspiracy theorist and InfoWars host Alex Jones returned to his humble roots Monday screaming conspiracy theories through a megaphone at people in the park.

“Although having my show and podcasts taken down by elitist liberal tech companies like YouTube and Apple is part of the growing feminization of our country, it’s ultimately going to backfire on them, because now I’m free to get back to the thing that launched my career—screaming crucial information about chemtrails and the gay agenda into the faces of unsuspecting park visitors,” said Jones as he eagerly approached a group of jump-roping children to shriek at them about the rise of tuberculosis in Chobani yogurt.

“Sure, getting to film my show in a nice big indoor studio is great, but I feel I’d lost some of the passion that comes from hollering at people up close while they try to enjoy a picnic or play a game of bocce ball. I used to wake up in the bushes almost every day, my piss-soaked pants bunched around my ankles, my mouth already shouting at passersby and trees about white genocide. I’ve long since paid my dues as a leading conservative pundit. But once my show took off, I couldn’t help but think that I’d lost a little of that human connection that only comes from seeing the flecks of your own spit on a stranger’s face as you tell them, your voice distorted from the amplification, about the false flag operations where crisis actors try to take away our guns. And there’s just no feeling quite like the rush of climbing to the top of the jungle gym, the sweet ache of your throat lining tearing as you scream at parents and kids about autistic Muppets, the heat of the sun-warmed playground equipment seeping into your flushed nude body.”

At press time, Jones was being escorted from Austin’s Balcones Public Park by police officers after an unsuccessful attempt to sell his Child Ease supplements to a family celebrating their daughter’s birthday.

https://www.theonion.com/alex-jones-returns-to-humble-roots-of-screaming-conspir-1828144517
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