The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 263

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The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 263

The Top 10 Conservative Idiots, No. 263

October 9, 2006
Foley Loaded Edition

It's true that there are other things going on in the world right now, but it's not every day that a GOP congressman is caught sending pornographic messages to underage boys, causing a controversy which could bring down the entire Republican leadership less than thirty days before the mid-term elections, is it? There were so many conservative idiots last week that I couldn't possibly narrow them down to ten, therefore I'm dedicating this week's entire column to developments in the Masturgate scandal. "Best of the Rest" follows at the end. Enjoy, and don't forget the key!

Win Lunch With Mark Foley

Let's start where we left off last week, on Sunday October 1. After it was revealed that Rep. Mark Foley (R-FL) had exchanged lewd instant messages and virtual bodily fluids with at least one former congressional page, news broke that GOP leaders - including Rep. Rodney Alexander, Majority Leader John Boehner, Rep. Tom Reynolds, and Speaker Dennis Hastert - had known about Foley's penchant for jailbait for quite some time (see Idiots 262).

But more was to come... much, much more. First it was revealed that Foley had made an unusually large contribution of $100,000 to the NRCC in July of 2006. The NRCC happens to be chaired by none other than Tom Reynolds, who, according to the Associated Press, was informed of Foley's behavior "sometime this spring." Hmm. So he was informed of the allegations against Foley, and then Foley gave him $100,000? Must be a coincidence.

Did anyone else lend a helping hand to Foley after they knew he was trolling for teenage booty on the Internet? Hey, the GOP ain't the party of "morals and values" for nothing. Take Rep. John Shimkus, the Republican head of the Page Board, for example. First ABC News dropped the bombshell that "GOP House staff warned the page class of 2001-2002 to stay away from ex-Rep. Mark Foley," according to AmericaBlog, yet in the summer of 2002 Shimkus stood up at the page's farewell ceremony and said:

I thank my colleague. Now someone who spends a lot of time with you also, the gentleman from Florida (Mr. Foley), would like to say a thank you.

So let me get this straight... they wanted the page class of 2001-2002 to stay away from Foley, but he ended up spending "a lot of time" with them anyway? Way to protect the kids.

And if you think that's bad, check this out - AmericaBlog also reports that Shimkus approved of a contest among pages in which the highest bidder would win a private lunch with Mark Foley. Here's Foley speaking at the same farewell ceremony as Shimkus:

Maybe you all do not know this story, but John had paid considerable sums to dine with me. I had offered to take the winning bidder to lunch in the Members' dining room. Then I heard how much John Eunice paid. And I said, "John, there is no way in the world after you committed so much money to have lunch with me that I would dare take you downstairs to eat in the Members' dining room." I said, "Where do you want to go?" He says, without reservation, "Morton's." I said, "Morton's? Like in Morton's Steakhouse?" He said, "Oh, would that be too much?" I said, "Oh, no, we'll go." I said, "Call your mother, get permission, make sure she notifies the Clerk and we will go to Morton's." And so we proceeded to cruise down in my BMW to Morton's.

That's right - after telling the page class to stay away from Foley, Shimkus and the Clerk of the House, Jeff Trandahl, gave four thumbs up to Foley getting some quality alone time with one of their charges.

Taint What You Do, It's The Way That You Do It

Monday morning began with a delightful headline from Bloomberg News: "Republican Lawmakers Scramble to Avoid Taint of House Scandal." Just put those words together and roll them around in your brain. Republican... Scramble... Taint... Scandal... ah, it's like a breath of fresh air.

And then, faster than you could say "love to slip them off of you," Mark Foley disappeared into rehab.

It turns out that rehab is very popular among conservatives these days - not long ago Rush Limbaugh went in for his chronic addiction to prescription painkillers (after getting caught illegally procuring said painkillers), and Rep. Bob Ney went in recently saying, "I have gone through a great deal of soul searching recently, and I have come to recognize that a dependence on alcohol has been a problem for me. I am not making any excuses, and I take full responsibility for my actions." Ney had just pleaded guilty to conspiracy and making false statements. (See Idiots 260.)

Yes, if you're a conservative who gets caught doing the wrong thing, rehab is the place to be. Isn't it obvious that Mark Foley only came on to underage congressional pages because he was shitfaced? Don't we all do that? Haven't you seen the beer commercials these days?

But it turns out that the bottle isn't entirely to blame - in fact, it isn't to blame at all. Through his attorney, Foley took full responsibility and "continues to offer no excuse whatsoever for his conduct," as you can clearly tell from his attorney's press conference:

Mark explicitly reaffirms his acceptance of responsibility and remorse. He reiterates unequivocally that he has never had sexual contact with a minor. Mark voluntarily entered a substance abuse and mental health facility on Sunday at approximately midnight eastern time. I was there, and he will be there for at least 30 days.

This decision was Mark's, as was his decision to resign from the United States House of Representatives. This was a life decision, not a tactical one, made by others. Mark does not blame the trauma he sustained as a young adolescent, for his totally inappropriate emails and IMs. He continues to offer no excuse whatsoever for his conduct.

As is so often the case with victims of abuse, Mark advises that he kept his shame to himself for almost forty years. Specifically Mark has asked that you be told that between the ages of 13 and 15, he was molested by a clergyman. Mark will address this issue further upon his release from treatment. He very much wanted to release the name of the individual, the church affiliation, and other details, but was advised by civil counsel to delay that decision, pending his completion of treatment after Mark has had an opportunity to consult with counsel.

Mark has also asked me on his behalf to thank the literally thousands of ordinary citizens, as well as friends and others who have conveyed their prayers, love, and best wishes to him. Finally, Mark Foley wants you to know that he is a gay man.

See? No excuses whatsoever. Apart from the booze. And the mental problems. And being the victim of a child molester. (And yes, I fully understand that child molesters are often molested themselves as children, but wasn't this all supposed to be about taking responsibility and not making excuses?) Oh, and by the way, he's a gay man. Whatever that has to do with anything.

Changing The Clin-Tone

But suddenly it became clear that the GOP wasn't going to take this lying down (or hunched over a computer with their pants around their ankles). For example, conservative commentators like Brit Hume had already started bringing up the dreaded Clenis:

Hume said that while Foley is now "in total disgrace in his party," Clinton's "inappropriate behavior toward a subordinate (didn't) even cost Bill Clinton his standing in his party."

Hmm, a subordinate, eh? Why, that almost makes it sound as if then-college graduate Monica Lewinsky is somehow the equivalent of a 16-year-old congressional page. How fair and balanced.

Meanwhile, White House press secretary Tony Snow was doing his best to downplay the scandal:

Look, I hate to tell you, but it's not always pretty up there on Capitol Hill and there have been other scandals as you know that have been more than simply naughty e-mails.

Hmm, naughty emails, eh? Like...

Maf54 (8:03:47 PM) : what you wearing
Xxxxxxxxx (8:04:04 PM) : normal clothes
Xxxxxxxxx (8:04:09 PM) : tshirt and shorts
Maf54 (8:04:17 PM) : um so a big buldge.
Xxxxxxxxx (8:04:35 PM) : ya
Maf54 (8:04:45 PM) : um
Maf54 (8:04:58 PM) : love to slip them off of you
Xxxxxxxxx (8:05:08 PM) : haha
Maf54 (8:05:53 PM) : and gram the one eyed snake
Maf54 (8:06:13 PM) : grab
Xxxxxxxxx (8:06:53 PM) : not tonight...dont get to excited
Maf54 (8:07:12 PM) : well your hard
Xxxxxxxxx (8:07:45 PM) : that is true
Maf54 (8:08:03 PM) : and a little horny
Xxxxxxxxx (8:08:11 PM) : and also tru
Maf54 (8:08:31 PM) : get a ruler and measure it for me

Just your everyday naughty emails between a 52-year-old congressman and a 16-year-old page, I guess.

Won't Somebody Think Of The Congressmen?

Unfortunately throwing Monica Lewinsky's name around didn't seem to be working, nor did trying to downplay the scandal as "just a bit of fun." No, it was time for the politicians involved to face the media and explain themselves.

First up was Tom Reynolds, who held a press conference on Monday evening to talk in detail about the charges. Well, in as much detail as he could, given that he was surrounded by the children of supporters, and therefore couldn't get into the salacious nature of the emails and instant messages - sorry.

How brave of him.

Meanwhile, Internet shit-stirrer Matt Drudge had plans of his own. On Monday afternoon he attempted a bold but not unfamiliar maneuver: blame the victims. From his radio show:

And if anything, these kids are less innocent - these 16 and 17 year-old beasts... and I've seen what they're doing on YouTube and I've seen what they're doing all over the internet - oh yeah - you just have to tune into any part of their pop culture. You're not going to tell me these are innocent babies. Have you read the transcripts that ABC posted going into the weekend of these instant messages, back and forth? The kids are egging the Congressman on! The kids are trying to get this out of him. We haven't got the whole story on this.

That's right folks: Foley's 16- and 17-year-old victims are, according to Matt Drudge, "beasts" who egged him on. Isn't it obvious that Mark Foley is the real victim here? You can tell from this Washington Post report that Foley was clearly not in control of these situations:

Often implicit in the chats is an exchange of professional advancement in exchange for sex that plays on the allure of power that Foley used to entice one of the teenagers. Foley at one point promised to help him become the "stylish elite type" person the teenager said he wanted to be.

"We will make you successful," Foley promised, "as long as you don't mind me grabbing your (deleted) once in a while."

See how those beasts were egging him on?

Back at the White House, Tony Snow attempted to head off further criticism by playing the politics card. According to JABBS:

White House press secretary Tony Snow, asked about disgraced former Rep. Mark Foley (R-FL) on ABC's Good Morning America, said he considered it unfortunate that "people are thinking, 'OK, can I get political advantage out of this'."

Yes, it's truly unfortunate. Let's take step back in time for a moment, to September 10, 2006...

In a Pivotal Year, GOP Plans to Get Personal

Republicans are planning to spend the vast majority of their sizable financial war chest over the final 60 days of the campaign attacking Democratic House and Senate candidates over personal issues and local controversies, GOP officials said.

The National Republican Congressional Committee, which this year dispatched a half-dozen operatives to comb through tax, court and other records looking for damaging information on Democratic candidates, plans to spend more than 90 percent of its $50 million-plus advertising budget on what officials described as negative ads.

(snip)

Because challengers tend to be little-known compared with incumbents, they are more vulnerable to having their public image framed by the opposition through attacks and unflattering personal revelations.

And with polls showing the Republicans' House and Senate majorities in jeopardy, party strategists said they have concluded that their best chance to prevent big Democratic gains is a television and direct-mail blitz over the next eight weeks aimed at raising enough questions about Democratic candidates that voters decide they are unacceptable choices.

Moving on...

Batshit Crazy

There was just one problem with the conservative strategy of blaming the victim and chiding the Democrats for "playing politics" - the most severe flak was being thrown up by Republicans. Again, according to JABBS:

Three prominent conservatives suggested yesterday that House Speaker Dennis Hastert (R-IL) failed miserably as a leader in not being proactive in dealing with disgraced former Rep. Mark Foley (R-FL).

First, talk show host Michael Reagan and Citizens United President David Bossie called on Hastert to resign immediately for covering up Foley's inappropriate behavior.

"Speaker Hastert had knowledge of Congressman Foley's inappropriate behavior and chose to protect a potential pedophile and powerful colleague over a congressional page," Bossie wrote in a press release. "This inaction demonstrates a lack of leadership on Speaker Hastert's part, and calls into question both his judgment and character. If Speaker Hastert was willing to sacrifice a child to protect Rep. Foley's seat and his own leadership position, then he surely does not share our American and conservative values."

In the same release, Reagan says: "Any member of Congress who was aware of the sexual emails and protected the congressman should also resign effective immediately."

Ouch. With new revelations that pages were first warned about Foley in 1995, Speaker Dennis Hastert was suddenly fighting for his political life. And apparently the way that Dennis Hastert fights for his political life is to go batshit crazy all over right-wing talk radio. Here he is talking to Rush Limbaugh:

There were two pieces of paper out there, one that we knew about and we acted on; one that happened in 2003 we didn't know about, but somebody had it, and, you know, they’re trying - and they drop it the last day of the session, you know, before we adjourn on an election year. Now, we took care of Mr. Foley. We found out about it, asked him to resign. He did resign. He's gone. We asked for an investigation. We've done that. We're trying to build better protections for these page programs.

But, you know, this is a political issue in itself, too, and what we've tried to do as the Republican Party is make a better economy, protect this country against terrorism - and we've worked at it ever since 9/11, worked with the president on it - and there are some people that try to tear us down. We are the insulation to protect this country, and if they get to me it looks like they could affect our election as well.

We are the insulation to protect this country? To be fair, Hastert clearly knows a lot about insulation.

What Did The Democrats Know And When Did They Know It?

It was time for the Republicans' third line of attack: blame the Democrats. You see, despite the fact that Foley was a Republican, and that the Republican leadership knew about his proclivities for years and didn't tell the Democrats about it, Hastert had no choice but to make wild accusations that the Dems were somehow responsible for this fiasco. After all, Denny had already done everything he possibly could to make sure that Foley wouldn't hit on congressional pages:

Hastert said Republican leaders were informed of the e-mails and resolved the situation.

"We went to Foley, told him to stand down, don't do this," Hastert said. "We asked him if there was any sexually explicit language in this message, and there was not."

"We went to Foley, confronted him," Hastert said, adding that Foley said "he wouldn't do it anymore."

Well done. Meanwhile, other batshit crazy Republicans were jumping on board Hastert's "blame the Dems" bandwagon - although given what Hastert just said about Foley, Katherine Harris might have gone a bit overboard with the spin:

In an interview with WESH Channel 2 in Orlando, Harris said, "if anything, the Republicans didn't know about these issues and we're going to be very anxious to find out who in the media and on the other side of the aisle knew about it and kept this from the public interest, because our children were at stake."

It's even funnier when you consider that Katherine Harris couldn't even get an endorsement from Foley:

In the U.S. Senate primary, Rep. Katherine Harris has been touting key political endorsements from fellow Republican lawmakers. The problem is, some of them never endorsed her.

Several members of the U.S. House called the Harris campaign to complain Wednesday after the St. Petersburg Times notified them of the endorsements listed on Harris' Web site. Minutes later, their names were removed.

The list of politicians whose names came down includes Reps. Ginny Brown-Waite of Brooksville, Cliff Stearns of Ocala, Mark Foley of West Palm Beach and Jeff Miller of the Panhandle.

Wow, dissed by a child predator. How humiliating.

No, Wait, Blame The Gays

Blaming the Democrats didn't seem to be working out too well, so Republican commentators went back to their favorite target: gays. From Think Progress:

Ben Stein, American Spectator:

On the one hand, we have a poor misguided Republican man who had a romantic thing for young boys. He sent them suggestive e-mail. I agree, that's not great. ... I hope it won't come as a surprise to anyone that a big part of male homosexual behavior is interest in young boys.

Linda Harvey, WorldNetDaily:

Open or suspected homosexuals should never be elected. The problem with homosexuals is that they frequently don't have common sense and don't acknowledge appropriate boundaries. Weird sex, public displays of "affection" and nudity, and sex with youth are built into the "gay" sub-culture.

Tammy Bruce, political analyst:

All I want, frankly, is a gay person in office who is not a sexual compulsive. I mean, is that too much to ask for?

Because as we all know, heterosexual men never ever prey on children.

Rock The Vote

Unfortunately for Republicans, the damaging revelations weren't quite done yet. Foley's attorney had already claimed that Foley was "under the influence of alcohol at the time he sent the alleged e-mails and IMs that I have been informed of," and that he was "never under the influence of alcohol while conducting business on Capitol Hill," according to the Associated Press.

So how does he explain this?

Foley engaged in internet sex with the boys, at one point even leaving the floor during a vote for a joint masturbation session with a minor using an instant message exchange system.

According to the transcripts of the numerous lurid exchanges published by US television network ABC, Foley, under the screen name Maf54, and the teen describe having orgasms. Then:

Maf54: Ok ... i better go vote ... did you know you would have this effect on me
Teen: lol I guessed
Teen: ya go vote I don't want to keep you from doing our job
Maf54: can I have a good kiss goodnight
Teen: :-* <kiss>

I guess he must have just sobered up really quickly. Or something.

But thank god for Fox News. If it weren't for them, you never would have found out the real truth about Mark Foley:

That's right - despite all evidence to the contrary, it turns out that Foley is really a Democrat! Well played.

The Associated Press did this too, although they had the decency to offer a correction almost immediately. As for Fox News, well, as Bill O'Reilly's executive producer David Tabacoff explained, "We didn't run a correction per se."

Whining City On A Hill

For two days, conservatives had been in a full-on snit trying to pin the Mark Foley scandal on the Democrats. But Wednesday morning brought news that would throw cold water all over that plan. According to The Hill:

The source who in July gave news media Rep. Mark Foley's (R-Fla.) suspect e-mails to a former House page says the documents came to him from a House GOP aide.

That aide has been a registered Republican since becoming eligible to vote, said the source, who showed The Hill public records supporting his claim.

The same source, who acted as an intermediary between the aide-turned-whistleblower and several news outlets, says the person who shared the documents is no longer employed in the House.

But the whistleblower was a paid GOP staffer when the documents were first given to the media.

Oh well.

Have You Driven Out A Fordham Lately?

Meanwhile, things were looking grim for Denny-boy. As Republicans tried desperately to swat away allegations that the GOP leadership had covered for a child predator in the halls of Congress, this happened:

Rep. Tom Reynolds was embroiled again Tuesday by reports that his chief of staff tried to persuade ABC News not to report the most sexually explicit computer messages between former Rep. Mark Foley of Florida and teenage congressional pages.

Democratic Party officials in New York charged that aide Kirk Fordham, a Greece native, tried to limit the scandal involving Foley, for whom he once was chief of staff.

Fordham called that assertion "absurd" and said he was just trying to spare Foley's sister, Donna, and his ailing parents.

But within hours, Fordham was gone. According to ABC News:

The chief of staff for Republican Congressman Tom Reynolds, Kirk Fordham, resigned after questions were raised about his role in the handling of the congressional page scandal, according to Republican sources on Capitol Hill.

Those sources said Fordham, a former chief of staff for Congressman Mark Foley, had urged Republican leaders last spring not to raise questionable Foley e-mails with the full Congressional Page Board, made up of two Republicans and a Democrat.

"He begged them not to tell the page board," said one of the Republican sources.

Not that this news stopped Laura Bush from dropping in on the embattled Reynolds campaign for a spot of fundraising:

Ladies and gentlemen, he loves to sweep child predators under the rug, I give you Tom Reynolds!

Unfortunately, Kirk Fordham wasn't going to go quietly. According to the Associated Press:

A senior congressional aide said Wednesday that he alerted House Speaker Dennis Hastert's office two years ago about worrisome conduct by former Rep. Mark Foley with teenage pages.

Kirk Fordham told The Associated Press that when he was told about Foley's inappropriate behavior toward pages, he had "more than one conversation with senior staff at the highest level of the House of Representatives asking them to intervene."

The conversations took place long before the e-mail scandal broke, Fordham said, and at least a year earlier than members of the House GOP leadership have acknowledged.

Yipes.

With their leadership in the hot seat, Republicans needed a plan - and fast. Both Tom Reynolds and House Majority Leader John Boehner had already blabbed to the press that Hastert knew about the allegations a long time ago, and Hastert's position looked tenuous. But there was a problem - if Hastert quit, there would have to be a leadership contest. The obvious choice would be John Boehner, who was already up to his neck in the Foley scandal. It wouldn't take much for some enterprising young GOP congressman who fancied a shot at the Speaker's chair to ruin Boehner's chances by using the Foley scandal against him, and that would cause a massive rift in the Republican party while they fought it out amongst themselves - with only a month to go before the elections, no less. Are you having fun yet?

Hastert had already offered to resign: according to Paul Weyrich, "He said if he thought that resigning would be helpful to the Republicans maintaining the majority, he would do it." Makes sense - Hastert wouldn't resign because it was the right thing to do, but he'd do it if it would help Republicans retain control of the House. Now who's playing politics?

Meanwhile, in a compelling fit of minimalism, the Speaker's office put out the shortest press release of all time:

What Kirk Fordham said did not happen.

The Blame Game

By Thursday afternoon, the Republicans were forced into doing the only thing they could possibly do under the circumstances - rally around Hastert and try to, er, ride the scandal out. Hastert gave a press conference on Thursday to let everyone know that he wasn't going to quit, but he did take full responsibility for what had happened.

House Speaker Dennis Hastert apologized and took responsibility on Thursday for the unfolding page sex scandal involving fellow Republican Mark Foley.

"I'm deeply sorry this has happened and the bottom line is we're taking responsibility," Hastert said at a news conference outside his district office in Batavia, Ill.

"Ultimately, the buck stops here," the speaker said.

So there you have it. Hastert is deeply sorry. He's taking responsibility. And the bottom line is that the buck stops here.

Hastert also promised to hold investigations into the scandal, which was very nice of him. "What did I know and when did I know it," that sort of thing. As soon as the investigations were announced, Republicans immediately fell all over themselves to take responsibility and stop the buck:

North Carolina Republican Rep. Patrick McHenry called on Democratic leaders yesterday to testify under oath about when they knew of former Rep. Mark Foley's (R-Fla.) Internet communications with a House page.

Oh, for crying out loud.

By the way, did I mention that Hastert's Grand Taking Of Responsibility came after he'd already tried the Kenny Boy Defense? "I've never had a conversation with him (Foley)," Hastert said last week, "other than his vote on a tariff matter at one time or another, I think."

Yeah, looks like you barely knew the guy, Denny.

By the end of the day, Republican commentators found themselves cycling back around to Bill Clinton (and George Soros), while Drudge completely lost the plot and began yelling that the instant messages were a prank gone bad. For a split second it almost looked like they were on the verge of catapulting the propaganda and turning the corner - right up until AmericaBlog noted that:

Tonight on CNN, Paula Zahn asked Dana Bash about Hastert's allegations that Democrats and ABC News were somehow to blame for the Foley Republican child predator scandal:

Zahn: Is there any proof of that?

Bash: No, there isn't any proof of that. The Speaker's office is saying they haven't been able to back that up.

They can't back it up because it's not true. Their boss lied. And, the Speaker's office admitted it.

The Buck Stops... Where?

Surely there must be some brave soul out there willing to stand up and defend these poor Republicans and their gigantic child predator coverup?

Lieberman continues attacking critics of sexual predator cover up

No really, this is not a joke. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Joe Lieberman's comments from today in Torrington about the scandal, in which he reiterates his earlier attacks on Ned Lamont and others for calling for Hastert's immediate resignation in the wake of the sexual predator scandal:

"Right now I'd say this thing is spinning out of control, it's become another partisan frenzy in Washington, that's the wrong way to go at it."

Way to go, Joe.

The week was capped off with Rep. Chris Cannon (R-Obviously) calling the pages "precocious" and saying, "Frankly, this is the responsibility of the parents," while Tom Reynolds was left to run a new campaign ad apologizing for the scandal. Desperate much?

Finally, ABC News put the icing on the cake with this Saturday report:

Today, the Washington Post quoted an unnamed Congressional staffer who said Hastert Chief of Staff Scott Palmer, one of the most powerful men on Capitol Hill, personally met with then-Rep. Foley, R-Fla., about his inappropriate contact with male pages. That meeting, the same source tells the Post, took place long before Hastert says his office was first alerted to "overly-friendly" e-mails Foley had sent to a Louisiana boy.

The New York Times also cites an anonymous Hill source who alleges Palmer was warned about Foley's troubling behavior well before Hastert has said his aides were first alerted in 2005.

Tune in next week, when Republican bloggers will blame the scandal on Warren Harding, Tom Reynolds will call for the waterboarding of congressional pages, and Dennis Hastert will open an investigation into why he hasn't fired himself yet.

The Best of the Rest

George Allen found himself embroiled in a new stocks scandal; Karl Rove's top aide Susan Ralston resigned over her role in the Jack Abramoff affair; George W. Bush slid to 33% in a Newseek poll; Dick Cheney and disgraced congressman "Duke" Cunningham exploded at reporters; and Martha Rainville ripped off Hillary Clinton. And finally, just when you thought they couldn't possibly get any dumber, Republicans in Congress have apparently set aside $20 million for a "victory in Iraq" party.

That's it. See you next week!

-- EarlG