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Equal Time with Bob Boudelang
You Cannot Keep Me Or Our Great President Who Is Not A Murdering Psychopath Either Down So There!"
June 27, 2003
By Bob Boudelang, Angry American Patriot

I bet you are as surprised as me to find I am back again with my intelligent and witty column which would be award winning except for no one has give me one yet. I must admit you could of knocked me over with a ton of lead when I came back to the Daisyview Trailer Park just as if I had never left, only more so.

As you remember, I was going to spread the word about Our Great President and tour this great nation of his and was not just running away from the cops.

The next day I hitchhiked to a nother city where I got a job sweeping the floor at the Mighty Muffin. It was a place run by a woman of the Lesbo-American persuasion named Linda Rooney and her special friend Maureen who was also a Lesbiansexual who went the other way if you know what I mean.

And they had a very mean dog named Petey that did not like me. I could only sweep the front when it was out for a walk.

As good Americans you will be shocked to find that the Mighty Muffin was a hothead of UnAmerican activity such as poetry and art. People who were types, if you know what I mean, would put up subversive pictures making fun of Our Great President, who was not drunk when he fell off that scooter that no one could fall off of. And yes, he was on vacation again, but he has a lot to think about and is in title to relax once in a while even if soldiers are dying in Iraq and the weapons of mass distraction are not found.

After all, it was not George Bush who put those soldiers there. He did not want war but was forced into it by all those Democrats who announced they supported what he wanted to do.

And when I complained about them being socialists who appeased Saddam and should be put into Gitmo, they told me to shut up and keep working.

And the nasty things they said out loud! They called George W. a murdering psychopath who lied about why we went to war, and said he was an unelected drunk who should be in jail. And they would not respect my freedom of speech when I tried to shut them up from speaking out like that!

When they heard on Natural Public Radio that Arnold Schwartzenabor said he would love to be governor of California, Marge said "Yeah, and I would love to stink at my job and get $20 million for it anyway." And everyone in the coffee house, who were eating stuff with bran and the like, would laugh.

Well, they would be laughing out of the other side of their necks if we were attacked by killer futuristic robots from the future. It would serve them right if that happened and Arnold just said "Haspa lo vispa" like he does baby.

But Arnold will not but will step right up and serve as the governor of California as soon as us Republicans overturn the election which Gray Red Davis cheated in by winning. That is unless it is the guy behind the recall, who you cannot prove actually stole that car, gets picked instead. Either way, it will be another victory over democracy for the GOP! So there!

After all, as Donald Rumfilled pointed out, Hitler was elected, which is why it is a good idea to bypass elections altogether as the Republicans want. Wa-La!

And speaking of the guy in California who was only prosecuted for a car thief, once again we see that the Republican party is the party of personal responsibility, as that guy is saying his brother was personally responsible.

One day at the Mighty Muffin when I was not goofing off I was very excited to read in the New York Times that everybody knows is dishonest a fine column by Thomas Friedman (who is probably a Jew but still seems as good as those of us who are saved). He explained that even though there was no evidence that Iraq had anything to do with September 11, a terrorism bubble had emerged in the Middle of the East and it was important that we punture it to show that we are as nuts as any suicide bomber anywhere. So Our Great President was a jenius after all for being decisive and taking action and not a bloodthirsty nut who lied about why we went to war, so stop saying that.

Sadly some muddy-headed LIEberals do not seem to have grasped this suttle point. I know this first hand because when I got back to the rooming house I discovered a candy bar stealing bubble had emerged, with the O Henry I did not steal missing from where I had put it. (Yes, it was in someone elsešs room but that is what made it such an in jenius hiding place!) I

immediately took action by going out and kicking blind old Mrs. Henderson down the stairs, just as George W. would of done.

And what do you think? Instead of being haled as a hero, I was chased out of the rooming house and some cowardly socialists even punched me even though I am a veteran of Grenada with a bad back who was wounded from friendly fire in the buttocks.

Is there anything that could show the hippocracy of the radical leftists better than that? But I bet that even if I had been allowed back in no one would of stolen anymore candy bars.

But instead I ended up having to sleep in an abandoned car in the street.

I was so angry that I sat down and wrote a letter to Our Great President Himself:

Dear "President" Bush:

Here is what the people here say: You are a murdering psychopath, and you invaded Iraq to steal its oil. But I say it was more like kicking a elderly blind woman down the stairs to punture a bubble.

Do not worry you will get what is coming to you all right! Beware of the Mighty Muffin!

Yours truly

A Friend

So he would not worry, I wrote "This is not anthrax" on the envelope.

A few days later, who should show up at the Mighty Muffin but my good friend Secret Service Agent Brown, who was en rage to hear all that I had found out since I got there and hustled me to his car. We agreed that the cover story would be that he was bringing me back to the Daisyview Trailer Park so he could keep an eye on subversives from there where it was more convenient. ("Now that things are going my way I am not going to uproot my life again for some raving god dam lunatic" he said.) And we agreed we could keep it a secret if any body asked, so do not tell anyone.

So now I am back here, and he is keeping a close eye on Mrs. Rosenfeld in Las Vegas where they went away to. However, he still will not give me a gun. But cheer up, things could get worse, and he may change his mind yet. At least that is what I am hoping, and no one can prove any different! On to Syria! (unless we go to Iran instead!)

Bob Boudelang is a Republican team leader who should of got that job replacing Ari Fleischer unless it involved heavy lifting and working weekends. You can reach him at

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