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TomSlick

(11,098 posts)

65. I'm afraid that your husband and I are about the same age.

Thu Sep 19, 2019, 11:13 PM

Sep 2019

Fortunately for both of us, our sweethearts laughed at our jokes. More fortunately for both of us, our sweethearts from fifty years ago stayed with us.

Thank you for reminding me how lucky I am.

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Post the punch line of a joke and see if anyone knows what joke it's from without using Google [View all] red dog 1 Sep 2019 OP

"Snowballs." 50 Shades Of Blue Sep 2019 #1

What's the difference betwwen a snowman and a snowwoman? blockhead Sep 2019 #44

.... 50 Shades Of Blue Sep 2019 #46

Sorry, we're NFS. TheCowsCameHome Sep 2019 #2

"I didn't know you could yodel." Harker Sep 2019 #3

I think that's from a Knock-Knock joke red dog 1 Sep 2019 #8

Yer little old lady... Harker Sep 2019 #11

"Little old lady" is what i heard growing up. applegrove Sep 2019 #29

I think you're right....I think it was "little old lady" red dog 1 Sep 2019 #70

Shut up, you! I'm a talking to your father! nt tblue37 Sep 2019 #4

"Even the great Caruso had to clear his throat from time to time." OilemFirchen Sep 2019 #5

"And you're gonna need it." Croney Sep 2019 #6

This message was self-deleted by its author NightWatcher Sep 2019 #7

''That's all you do? Bird imitations?'' Brother Buzz Sep 2019 #9

Hawkeye! 😍 nolabear Sep 2019 #24

Yes! Brother Buzz Sep 2019 #26

and he tapped his temple, and said- see, kidneys. mopinko Sep 2019 #10

I know that one but it mocks fun of the disabled. El Supremo Nov 2019 #206

honestly, i would have to reconstruct it to tell it. it was just an inside joke in the family mopinko Nov 2019 #208

"The aristocrats!" unblock Sep 2019 #12

I feel so dirty. 😂😂😂 nolabear Sep 2019 #25

Beat me to it! pnwest Sep 2019 #103

You need Drew Carey's finger snaps! (n/t) PJMcK Nov 2019 #152

Or Gilbert Gottfried's Comedy Central's Roast of Hugh Hefner MatthewHatesTrump2 Nov 2019 #172

"No! I'm a frayed knot!" unblock Sep 2019 #13

Hey! OilemFirchen Sep 2019 #23

"...in the service, one must always choose the lesser or two weevils" jayfish Sep 2019 #14

Joke from Master and Commander TomSlick Sep 2019 #81

Nailed It! jayfish Sep 2019 #93

"Thanks. I've been feeling a little flat!" jayfish Sep 2019 #15

What did the tire say Harker Sep 2019 #40

Nice try. jayfish Sep 2019 #42

Thought I had it. Harker Sep 2019 #43

I think it was "do I look okay?" jmowreader Oct 2019 #117

Correct! jayfish Oct 2019 #142

"Don't believe a word that lying sheep says" First Speaker Sep 2019 #16

I Heard It About A Ventriloquist Visiting An Indian Reservation JimGinPA Nov 2019 #155

Go ahead, they're your cows. Doc_Technical Sep 2019 #17

A man was showing his farm to a woman he had reciently met. Doc_Technical Nov 2019 #153

Nice, underpants Nov 2019 #202

Yeah, except this one is eating my popcorn! Doc_Technical Sep 2019 #18

From Men in Black? red dog 1 Sep 2019 #47

My Mom told me this one Marthe48 Sep 2019 #61

In one scene from "Men in Black" Tommy Lee Jones said those exact words and then laughed. red dog 1 Sep 2019 #71

Yes I think so Marthe48 Sep 2019 #82

Hilarious! red dog 1 Sep 2019 #86

It was a rooster, not a duck jmowreader Oct 2019 #118

Duck is funnier than rooster underpants Nov 2019 #204

Nice ! underpants Nov 2019 #203

"Some people just can't tell a joke." TomSlick Sep 2019 #19

... OilemFirchen Sep 2019 #22

DING, DING, DING. We have a winner. TomSlick Sep 2019 #51

My husband told me this one Marthe48 Sep 2019 #62

I'm afraid that your husband and I are about the same age. TomSlick Sep 2019 #65

You are lucky Marthe48 Sep 2019 #66

I'm sorry. TomSlick Sep 2019 #77

Aw you are so nice Marthe48 Sep 2019 #83

This not James River... LompocDem Sep 2019 #20

Who's that guy standing next to Dave? benld74 Sep 2019 #21

I'd have to Google to get the full joke, which isn't allowed. PoindexterOglethorpe Sep 2019 #101

That's right !! benld74 Sep 2019 #107

I heard it with "Moishe" instead of "Dave" N/T tonekat Oct 2019 #144

(Singing) "Your mother's dead." emmaverybo Sep 2019 #27

Something about a telegram being delivered catrose Oct 2019 #127

Very good! Long, long joke--must be drawn out. Doorbell ringing and ringing. Guy in shower, but door emmaverybo Oct 2019 #128

Not quite. Here ya go: trof Nov 2019 #179

Different versions. My version told to my by an Irish story-teller type who drew it out. I was emmaverybo Nov 2019 #184

This message was self-deleted by its author applegrove Sep 2019 #28

No. Let's walk down there and fuck them all. Captain Zero Sep 2019 #30

An old bull and a young bull are standing on a hillside, looking down at a bunch of cows red dog 1 Sep 2019 #48

Upon reflection, I think the old bull said: "No, son..We'll walk down there and fuck 'em all!" red dog 1 Sep 2019 #69

Old bull was standing in the pasture on a cold winter's day Marthe48 Nov 2019 #209

My mother in law to be told me that 5 minutes after I met her for the first time. nt LAS14 Dec 2019 #220

Lol Marthe48 Dec 2019 #221

It was, it was. nt LAS14 Dec 2019 #222

Change Turbineguy Sep 2019 #31

What does a Buddhist Coke machine say? backtoblue Oct 2019 #125

Oh that's funny underpants Nov 2019 #205

That's just the frost in my moustache. n/t sorcrow Sep 2019 #32

and the 4th man ducked! n/t kozar Sep 2019 #33

Three guys walked into a bar... n/t Harker Sep 2019 #36

Winner winner, chicken dinner!!!! kozar Sep 2019 #38

I'll just have soup and a salad, please. Harker Sep 2019 #39

"Make me one with everything." Harker Sep 2019 #34

What did the Zen monk say to the hot dog vender? red dog 1 Sep 2019 #49

Ding! Harker Sep 2019 #54

Thanks for that red dog 1 Sep 2019 #73

"Come on, Chickenshit. They won't believe you, either." Paladin Sep 2019 #35

"It was easy... Harker Sep 2019 #37

"But first, a little ruru" DeeNice Sep 2019 #41

A stick DiverDave Sep 2019 #45

Or, what's long and hard and sticky? Ron Obvious Sep 2019 #87

"The price is right, but the name is Daisy" red dog 1 Sep 2019 #50

"Big enough to fit a camel" SaveOurDemocracy Sep 2019 #52

Break is over, back on your heads. WhiteTara Sep 2019 #53

Is feces involved in a Harker Sep 2019 #55

Bingo! Indeed it does! WhiteTara Sep 2019 #56

That goes way back. Harker Sep 2019 #57

Mine too. WhiteTara Sep 2019 #58

"What is this? Some kind of joke?" Harker Sep 2019 #59

A priest and a rabbi and an imam walk into a bar. PoindexterOglethorpe Sep 2019 #102

I always try to squeeze in Harker Sep 2019 #104

"Because he was Haydn." Harker Sep 2019 #60

Reminds me of a joke from the movie "Prairie Home Companion" red dog 1 Sep 2019 #75

There's a keeper... n/t Harker Sep 2019 #80

My Dad had a little spiral notebook Marthe48 Sep 2019 #63

Do you remember any of them? red dog 1 Sep 2019 #72

Let me think about it Marthe48 Sep 2019 #84

No lady, I'm riding Princeton in the 5th Marthe48 Sep 2019 #64

I first heard that in the film Bonnie & Clyde! ailsagirl Sep 2019 #67

Yes, it's an old joke, but it was told in "Bonnie & Clyde" red dog 1 Sep 2019 #68

That is the only time I ever heard this joke. BigmanPigman Nov 2019 #207

"Well, the sex is the same, but the dishes are stacking up." red dog 1 Sep 2019 #74

Oly says to his friend : "Oh, I think my wife has died." MatthewHatesTrump2 Oct 2019 #115

[Whispered] Hey Donnie, how many's a brazilian? discntnt_irny_srcsm Sep 2019 #76

Okay here's some help: spoken by GWB during a briefing on the Iraq war n/t discntnt_irny_srcsm Sep 2019 #94

That dog will bite you! Bongo Prophet Sep 2019 #78

And that was the last anyone heard from Donald Trump C_U_L8R Sep 2019 #79

"That's not my dog!" red dog 1 Sep 2019 #85

Crazy Guggenheim? Brother Buzz Sep 2019 #88

"Hi, Joe...Hi, Mr. Dennehy!" red dog 1 Sep 2019 #90

And then he sang. trof Nov 2019 #180

Does your dog bite? Harker Sep 2019 #89

That's it! red dog 1 Sep 2019 #91

"How are you, Senator Cruz?" red dog 1 Sep 2019 #92

"Seventy five cents" red dog 1 Sep 2019 #95

A cup of coffee and two popsicles Alpeduez21 Sep 2019 #96

"Walk him and pitch to the rhino." The Velveteen Ocelot Sep 2019 #97

What do you do with a giraffe with three balls? Doc_Technical Sep 2019 #98

"Wait and see which can they go in" red dog 1 Sep 2019 #99

"Arrr, I know, and it's driving me nuts!" red dog 1 Sep 2019 #100

A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel coming out of his pants.. MatthewHatesTrump2 Nov 2019 #168

You got it! red dog 1 Dec 2019 #235

It keeps me from licking my lips..... Bayard Sep 2019 #105

You recommend chickenshit for chapped lips? trof Nov 2019 #181

The O'Malley twins are just drunk again. lpbk2713 Sep 2019 #106

"KNOW IT, I WROTE IT!" red dog 1 Sep 2019 #108

Back on your heads, coffee break is over! davsand Sep 2019 #109

"O.J. Simpson" red dog 1 Sep 2019 #110

"But The Juice will kill you" red dog 1 Oct 2019 #111

Well, if she doesn't like the slippers, she can go fuck herself!" red dog 1 Oct 2019 #112

A rich man and a poor man had the same wedding anniversary date; and they would meet each other MatthewHatesTrump2 Oct 2019 #116

Excellent! red dog 1 Oct 2019 #123

Wasn't that a joke told on The Sopranos? MatthewHatesTrump2 Nov 2019 #151

Yeah, that's where I heard it. red dog 1 Dec 2019 #231

"The Aristocrats!" red dog 1 Oct 2019 #113

Isn't that the punch line from "The Aristocrats" joke? MatthewHatesTrump2 Nov 2019 #149

It is! red dog 1 Dec 2019 #238

"All I want is toilet papah'" red dog 1 Oct 2019 #114

Looks like you blew a seal. No way, vanilla ice cream! Major Nikon Oct 2019 #119

See my post below. I didn't realize the thread was old and long. rzemanfl Nov 2019 #177

"This thread is so old and long___________"? red dog 1 Dec 2019 #237

That I posted the same punch line to it twice. n/t rzemanfl Dec 2019 #239

lol red dog 1 Dec 2019 #240

"Ward, weren't you a little hard on the beaver last night? Disaffected Oct 2019 #120

Lol red dog 1 Oct 2019 #121

OK, you probably know but: Disaffected Oct 2019 #124

So Beaver's mom actually uttered that line? red dog 1 Oct 2019 #132

Yup, Disaffected Oct 2019 #133

That's right! red dog 1 Oct 2019 #134

"And deep too!" red dog 1 Oct 2019 #122

Two Guys Peeing On A Bridge JimGinPA Nov 2019 #154

You got it! red dog 1 Nov 2019 #162

I heard "Yeah, but it ain't that deep." trof Nov 2019 #182

That line must be from a different joke. red dog 1 Dec 2019 #233

"I used to say 'fuck you' all the time, now I just smile and say 'how nice'..." regnaD kciN Oct 2019 #126

Well, she had been to finishing school .... eppur_se_muova Oct 2019 #130

"Your mother's on the roof and we can't get her down." musette_sf Oct 2019 #129

"I don't know, but it sure can pick a shitload of lettuce!" red dog 1 Oct 2019 #131

What do you get when you cross a Mexican with an octopus? MatthewHatesTrump2 Oct 2019 #141

You got it! red dog 1 Dec 2019 #234

"Now, where's that old lady with the abscessed tooth?" red dog 1 Oct 2019 #135

He's smiling now; but wait 'til they take the pacifier out of his ass" red dog 1 Oct 2019 #136

You're as close as you can get! red dog 1 Oct 2019 #137

"You'll get your palm red for free." red dog 1 Oct 2019 #138

"Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you." red dog 1 Oct 2019 #139

"Yeah, and it's deep too!" red dog 1 Oct 2019 #140

"I never said it was free!" MatthewHatesTrump2 Oct 2019 #143

"Hey Lady, your sign fell down!" tonekat Oct 2019 #145

"You can unscrew a light bulb" red dog 1 Oct 2019 #146

What's The Difference Between A Virgin & A Light Bulb? JimGinPA Nov 2019 #160

Close, but no cigar red dog 1 Dec 2019 #230

"A rooster clucks defiant" red dog 1 Oct 2019 #147

Whats The Difference Between A Rooster & A Lawyer? JimGinPA Nov 2019 #156

Did you see that joke on the "Do you have a favorite 'lawyer' joke? thread? red dog 1 Nov 2019 #161

No, I Was A Bartender When I Was Younger JimGinPA Nov 2019 #164

Yeah, old jokes are the best. red dog 1 Nov 2019 #166

Yessiree! red dog 1 Dec 2019 #236

"She seemed surprised" red dog 1 Oct 2019 #148

Nice to see you again, Senator Cruz!" MatthewHatesTrump2 Nov 2019 #150

This message was self-deleted by its author MatthewHatesTrump2 Nov 2019 #167

"Whenever I Got A Dozen I Sold Them" JimGinPA Nov 2019 #157

"I Thought So Too, 'Till I Ran Out Of Chain" JimGinPA Nov 2019 #158

Shake Hands JimGinPA Nov 2019 #159

"I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer." red dog 1 Nov 2019 #163

"Next time don't drive so fast..You nearly killed us!" red dog 1 Nov 2019 #165

"The Juice will kill ya'" MatthewHatesTrump2 Nov 2019 #169

"They both look good hanging from a tree" red dog 1 Nov 2019 #170

"I told them I was President Trump's driver and that I killed the pig!" MatthewHatesTrump2 Nov 2019 #171

"Give me my quarterback!" red dog 1 Nov 2019 #173

"If you two are going to keep arguing, I'm leaving!" red dog 1 Nov 2019 #174

He wouldn't eat the mushrooms. lpbk2713 Nov 2019 #175

The late and much missed Annette Apollo (Old Leftie Lawyer, Tangerine LaBamba) rzemanfl Nov 2019 #176

And he was the first person ever to wire ahead for a reservation. Permanut Nov 2019 #178

I dunno, but they're saving the seeds. trof Nov 2019 #183

"Because I'm trying to examine you" MatthewHatesTrump2 Nov 2019 #185

Oral sex makes your day and Anal sex makes your whole week. MatthewHatesTrump2 Nov 2019 #186

"Are they afraid someone will clean them?" MatthewHatesTrump2 Nov 2019 #187

"Best piece of ass I ever had!" red dog 1 Nov 2019 #188

"Do they come in blue?" red dog 1 Nov 2019 #189

Wrecked 'em Hell. It kilt 'em both! (Little Johnny joke) Whiskeytide Nov 2019 #190

I know that one red dog 1 Nov 2019 #199

Wow, I can only imagine... The Polack MSgt Nov 2019 #191

"George W. Bush, come on in!" MatthewHatesTrump2 Nov 2019 #192

"Brooklyn..There's hundreds of 'em" red dog 1 Nov 2019 #193

Naw, it just doesn't take long to look at a horseshoe Brother Buzz Nov 2019 #194

"Ok, fine..but first 'The Aristocrats!'" red dog 1 Nov 2019 #195

This message was self-deleted by its author red dog 1 Nov 2019 #196

"Dress her up as an alter boy" MatthewHatesTrump2 Nov 2019 #197

"Now, where's that old lady with the abscessed tooth?" red dog 1 Nov 2019 #198

"He's quiet now, but wait 'til we take the pacifier out of his ass" red dog 1 Nov 2019 #200

WTF? underpants Nov 2019 #201

"Swimming pool?..Is this 486-5731?" red dog 1 Nov 2019 #210

Because they don't want to be Scene" red dog 1 Dec 2019 #211

"Because I don't like drunken fools" MatthewHatesTrump2 Dec 2019 #212

"The Prince of Wales" MatthewHatesTrump2 Dec 2019 #213

They charged one - and let the other one off MatthewHatesTrump2 Dec 2019 #214

Transporting underage gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises csziggy Dec 2019 #215

"The price is right, but the name is Daisy" red dog 1 Dec 2019 #216

"Are you a narc?" red dog 1 Dec 2019 #217

"Yes, and the portions are so small." red dog 1 Dec 2019 #218

Beige, I think I'll paint the ceiling beige. LAS14 Dec 2019 #219

"All I want is toilet papah" MatthewHatesTrump2 Dec 2019 #223

"One is a hollow cylinder, and the other is a silly Hollander." MatthewHatesTrump2 Dec 2019 #224

This message was self-deleted by its author red dog 1 Dec 2019 #225

"That ain't my finger either" BlueTsunami2018 Dec 2019 #226

This message was self-deleted by its author sobenji Dec 2019 #227

Nah, that's just a little ice cream. rzemanfl Dec 2019 #228

No, you don't understand. Chunks is my dog! TlalocW Dec 2019 #229

"Why the long face?" red dog 1 Dec 2019 #232

"See, you forgot me already!" red dog 1 Dec 2019 #241

"Did you say steak?" red dog 1 Dec 2019 #242

One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean. MatthewHatesTrump2 Jan 2020 #243

"Trump? I thought you said rump!" red dog 1 Jan 2020 #244

I didn't say 'small" I said 'smell'! red dog 1 Jan 2020 #245

Yeah, but the Juice will kill 'ya red dog 1 Jan 2020 #246

"Shit Shanty Irish!" red dog 1 Jan 2020 #247

"Maybe I should have started with the circumcision" MatthewHatesTrump2 Jan 2020 #248

"Sit? I thought you said 'shit'!" red dog 1 Jan 2020 #249

"She's out back, slopping the hogs!" MatthewHatesTrump2 Jan 2020 #250

"Didn't you see the sign out front?" red dog 1 Jan 2020 #251

"I'll take the soup!" red dog 1 Jan 2020 #252

The Czech's in the male" MatthewHatesTrump2 Jan 2020 #253

"Look at those jugs!" red dog 1 Jan 2020 #254

"If that's all you got, then go suck a moose!" red dog 1 Jan 2020 #255

"If you two are going to keep arguing, I'm leaving!" red dog 1 Jan 2020 #256

"The Prince of Wales!" MatthewHatesTrump2 Jan 2020 #257

"It WAS his mama!" red dog 1 Jan 2020 #258

"He must have been a Republican!" red dog 1 Jan 2020 #259

"The second guy died!" red dog 1 Jan 2020 #260

God shrugs, "I didn't recognize you." red dog 1 Jan 2020 #261

"I can't," says the poodle, "I'm not allowed on the couch." red dog 1 Jan 2020 #262

"One is assaulting with intent to kill, the other is killing with intent to salt." red dog 1 Jan 2020 #263

"They each got six months." red dog 1 Jan 2020 #264

"I ordered ribs, not bibs!" red dog 1 Jan 2020 #265

A key. red dog 1 Feb 2020 #266

"The 'J' is silent." red dog 1 Feb 2020 #267