What about the weak makes the strong hate them? [View all]

[undergroundpanther]

Being poor isn't always the poor person's fault.I'm poor. wonder why I am the object of right-wing scorn,hate and smear.I can hardly function.Depression draws my days away,dissociation has made much unbearable.My life is not happy or anything.I had dreams but it seems I never had enough money to live them,so I have given up on dreams.

In 4th. grade I wanted to be a veterinarian,study the lives of south american cats,living in the treetops.But no,even though I had a teacher notice I was intelligent and had me on my own study modules,nothing ever was done about it by the school. Ever since 1st. grade I was being bullied all day,and even though this one teacher was so very kind and observant ,it was not enough to overcome the damage done by a violent cold home life or the bullying ,bullying that happened as teachers stood by watching gangs of kids trying to corner me by the fence in the playground to beat my ass.

I never knew WHY I was hated by the entire school.I was hated by people in schools I didn't even attend. I just knew the world seemed to reject me,and that knowledge was seared into my soul everyday. By time I got to high school I had deteriorated and lost it.I spent many years in the psych system.The psych system did plenty of damage,drugs ,restraints, solitary confinement,mind games,humiliation,the psych wards are sometimes run by sociopaths. The power structure of a psych unit is a set-up just like the Stanford Prison Experiment.And so is our society.

Sometimes it would be dangerous to defend yourself or stand up for another whom you know was innocent. To have a moral backbone meant you got targeted as a troublemaker. And I was. Some psych wards and treatment centers have been very abusive to me and will not accept me because of this. It's stupid and sad but the autrhoritarians running these places HATE me.And that makes me laugh inwardly.I'm doing something right. I worry about the people there though living under these asshats.

And I see this same old shit republicans do and people that don't care do all over again like the assholes who put wounds in my mind and body reflected in the backlash against the Moral March in NC.on the 17th,already the Civitas bullies are making a hate list. Just like Bully kids would make obscene drawings of me and drop them casually on my desk knowing it would hurt me,trigger me.What kind of monster would find joy in doing that? A person without love,empathy or an understanding that I am because We are.

I hate the bible,but even a broke clock is right twice a day..The line,The world hates me, the world hated me from the beginning and it will hate you too..The world seems to hate anyone who stands up for the weak and abused and say NO you can't treat people like that. Love & empathy in a person makes it so, You hurt I hurt because WE hurt.So you have to do something about it,your entire being is pushing you to stand up for WE.

I am so tired,the house I'm living in,the only safe place I've ever known, is being auctioned off in September.I have no clue where to go or what to do. My mind is frozen overwhelmed.
My family plans things behind my back.I have very little reason to live really.I don't know what anyone's plans are.The program I go to they ain't helping me with this. All I want to do is curl up in a ball. But I can't,and there is nothing I can do.So I sit here unable to be calm.To not have anger,sadness,frustration,anxiety eating me up day after day.

But everyday it seems those of us who are hated,those of us who have an ethical understanding of right and wrong on a deep level are being hurt. We have been voiceless,corrupted abused,fighting a battle that never stops against those who see freedom as the freedom to abuse,exploit,dominate,control or use people. I have to exist if anything to keep screaming NO!!! to those who would destroy.

I dreamed of making this house a sanctuary,I tried to find good roommates who had empathy but they wouldn't contribute to the household they had no understanding of I exist because we are. And some were very exploitative,sociopaths,I had to evict them because they were abusing me..

It was emotional torture trying to make a sanctuary..

Anyway I try to help regardless where there is someone who needs me to if they ask.I volunteer to help too,I try to do what I can, and I don't by stand regarding abuse~ever.. But lack of money makes life so fucking hard to live because being poor,disabled,having PTSD gives you a stigma,a stigmata that will follow you everywhere no matter your kindness ,intelligence ,creativity,courage or love...or dreams that have died or still live.

Joy is rare thing when you are so raw inside and aware,of what evil the assholes of this world do and want to do .I'm scared. TPP,the spying,and more. I know deep down we are being set up somehow,to be made powerless, to stop those who would dominate us and play king,god itself with our lives..I do not bow to gods or kings. They'll try to break me.They'll try to break all of us who are honest,have a mind of our own care and have courage in our hearts.

Would I be labeled a terraist because I tell the truth or get frustrated and rant my true feelings? especially because I'm poor,crazy and have guts to say no and tell the truth to power...Yeah.
I have been been mistreated for shaming authoritarians who'd rather get people to believe lies.
Why? Is it because the bullies out there,the republicans convinced themselves am I everything that is wong with society.They SAY it's because I'm poor and disabled .But I think it is by what others have done to me in the name of trying to make me be what they wanted me to be,or to control me or exploit my tender heart,my body.And I didn't just shut up ,blend in,and go along with it.Because I won't tolerate abuse,and I am aware of what the mind of a sociopath is about.

I never asked to be born. I often wish my body didn't require food or water ,never had to sleep,could not get sick or get wounded and that my mind had never been hurt, and could never be hurt or manipulated that my body could never be violated, that I was beautiful and popular and seen as a good person,there was nothing wrong with me. I bet alot of people wish that too.

I wish I could be happy.Protected from the cruelty in this world ,find joy in something,be a joy to be around all the time, be free of the constant stress of worrying about survival and protecting my mind and body,and the dangers this civilization game brings to humanity .But why I can't handle what others take in stride I do not know. It makes me feel incompetent. But I deal with it all anyway.But I can feel the damage it is doing.

I wish I was more entertaining,fun had friends who liked to come over and hang out maybe do things together ,maybe even try to change things in the world. In reality I live isolated mostly. Transportation is a problem,I have problems ,others are stressed and have problems.This world is a monster to me,and the hatred of the weak by the wealthy ,the strong,the healthy, the popular,the 'attractive' is pathological,it surrounds us like toxic air and it will ruin our ability to survive together or ever know what it means to be safe more than awhile.

The cycles of war,peace,democracies,authoritarianism,war, peace,have been going forever.Just like the cycle of violence in an abusive relationship it's the macro and the micro,same pattern..How long will we suffer the cycles of empire and the hyper exploitation civilization and the market and abuse causes until all the I's get together into a WE, say NO more you,WE have had enough of THAT shit out of the likes of you..

Everyone has to find it inside themselves to become a WE and stand up to the smooth talking manipulators,liars and bullies,the fear inside, the hateful people and tell them to shut up and do what is necessary to stop them,even if it's death.Death not to deter crime or punish people. But to stop the abuser who refuses to stop abusing others.Sometimes the abuser won't get it with words or a punch in the nose.Sometimes you have to do what most think is wrong to do what is right,that is what I mean by a Deeper moral understanding. If you are not a sociopath you cannot become one,even if you kill a sociopath. Sociopathy is not contagious no matter how bad you have been abused. It takes a certain personality type to be an abuser\sociopath\ rule the world and micromangage millions of lives via technology and seek full spectrum domination over others lives in this entire world who are not for the most part sociopaths.

And until people quit being solipsists,understand some people are NOT like themselves,recognize what a real danger is VS. themselves making bogeyman,being manipulated emotionally, being offended or freaked out themselves things won't change.People need to own their emotions and quit thinking something that's different is always dangerous because they feel anxiety,uneasy offended or scared.People need to emotionally mature. And that means seeing that we all are not the same,we are equal and different at the same time and that is to a point OK.
But also some people among us really do exist that love to tear down dreams,to scapegoat,to bully ,to take and society will never be safe and people to exist around because these bullies they just don't want to stop doing the abuse stop the bullying,stop hating, stop thinking themselves superior and entitled to take it all to themselves,those so called 'winners'.

Some people they actually like causing harm to others,dominating them,tearing them apart.And these people think they are so much superior,we can chicken and egg the causes of sociopaths all day,love will not change them,therapy can't help because they like getting bashing those who cannot fight back, they like getting away with abuse,being assholes and monsters and they love to tear the souls out of people like me because they think I am inferior to themselves.Every social darwinist asshole puts themselves as superior.And they don't see any reason to change what they are.

But I know what they do they project upon the ones they hate,the weak,the poor,disabled,victims,what they really under that 'winner'mask, what they truly ARE.

They try to force us the victims,the poor,the people who care and are wounded to become like THEM in personality by abusing us hating us keeping us poor,hurt powerless.Because if we abuse,exploit,hate,use,rape,destroy others souls,The bullies have no one who dares stand up to say NO to what the sociopaths do to the ones like me who don't give up on our moral understanding of right and wrong and don't keep our eyes down when looking at a wannabe king..The sociopath can get away with causing pain to others and shutting down empathy and killing love itself if people LET them.

The sociopath,the republican asshole,the assholes everywhere they want a world without love courage,wisdom,understanding,kindness empathy,honesty and bravery,for these are the things inside some of us that says NO to racism,authoritarianism,abuse,financial abuse and all the other b horrors these anti humane asshole people try to do to others,especially those who are wounded by their kind,or can't fight back.

Someday I have a silly dream I can't let go of that maybe people will stop letting bullies who think their superior rule,maybe someday ...we will finally agree...I am because we are. and we will not be abused anymore because of a few I's that will not change who want to rule,abuse and exploit.My life has sent me asking why and my whys led to this.We have to stand up not just a few,all of us who do not like to abuse others.

The truth is this world never had to become like this. It does not have to be a monster, it will have death, sickness,injury and isn't that painful enough?.The sociopaths among us want to be passive monsters let them do what they want.We have to say NO you can't do that to US because I say NO, and I have a right to be what I am because WE have a right to be what WE are.Even if YOU,social darwinist self entitling,vicious,morally dead,empty ,black heart,do not care, cannot love,want power over us more than life itself,bully do not like it. Society has grown so big atomized and impersonal it has took away some of our power.WE have to get aquainted with I,US and EACH OTHER again, to become WE again..

Someday maybe WE will break up and leave the abuser and the abusive system.

Until then I can and anyone else who'll join in can scream NO You can't DO that to me because WE are not going to tolerate the intolerable anymore. Sadly this hell will remain.The murder will continue,the bullying and hate will the exploitation and abuse will.The strong will hate the weak, will remain until WE do something to stop it. We have to save each other to save ourselves. The world does not have to be like this.