General Discussion
Showing Original Post only (View all)The Steubenville gang rape case should demand a discussion [View all]
of what "consent" means with high-school aged boys all across the nation. From PE classes (where those still exist) and sports team practices to living rooms, "consent" needs to be clearly defined for boys. If it is not, they will take just about anything as consent, even the failure to say "no" for any reason. It can be discussed by moms or dads, teachers or religious leaders. But it must be discussed, defined, and made perfectly clear.
When it comes to sex, consent does not just mean someone giving in after wheedling and whining. It does not mean not vehemently protesting what is going on. It means something else.
In my opinion, consent for teenagers should not just be "assent," but enthusiastic and eager consent, in action, in voice, and in deed. It shouldn't be just not protesting too much after a long make-out session, when the boy finally wears a girl down and she gives up. It should not be, "Well, OK," or "I guess so..." spoken in a frustrated, tired voice.
It should be clear and unmistakable consent, made spontaneously, gladly and without pressure of any kind. Anything else is not consent. That's how my father defined it for me when I was 14 years old, sporting 10 inches of growth in height over the previous year, a suddenly deep voice that no longer broke at times, and a case of severe hormonal influence. That's what my father told me consent was, and that anything less was not really consent.
It's up to us adults to explain what consent is to our sons and other adolescents. They don't know. Their judgment is cloudy, and their hormones are overactive. We need to make it clear to them. We need to make it unmistakable that lack of real consent means rape.
Real consent. Genuine, happy, boisterous consent. Nothing else will do. Nothing else is acceptable.