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kozar

Profile Information

Name: Doug
Gender: Do not display
Hometown: Tn
Home country: USA
Current location: Tn
Member since: Fri May 18, 2018, 03:38 PM
Number of posts: 658

Journal Archives

may be a double post,, more updates since meltdown


Incredibly hard week, that ended so well. We had to sue a person in court who was paid by state to take care of my Tess, while Mrs K and I could go out. Won that court case on Monday, but our lawyer said we would have to go through garnishment to get our money. Lo and Behold, her lawyer called our lawyer yesterday and offered a payment plan,, which is EXACTLY same plan we offered before court. SO we took it,,Tess will get her money.
Music wise, I learned a 76 page Cantata for Sunday in 8 days to sing with a choir. It was the trade for the choir to sing a song with me as lead, that is on my bucket list. Great group of people, I am having a ball! I do need to sing bass in choir, which is at absolute bottom of my range, and after 4, 2 hr practice s this week, my throat hurts, my stomach hurts(diaphragm). but at least the actual Cantata is only 50 mins long. It has been a great week. no meltdowns,no drinking. A great positive week, once again, I thank you guys too. You are a big part of my successes along this road.

Koz

Seriously, MoscowMitch ?

They are not hiding anything anymore. Hopefully Judge Roberts reads this

snip-

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell is bragging that he’s handing over control of the Senate impeachment trial of President Donald Trump to President Donald Trump.

“Everything I do during this, I’m coordinating with White House Counsel,” the Kentucky Republican Leader told Fox News’ Sean Hannity Thursday night. “There will be no difference between the President’s position and our position as to how to handle this.”

snip

more at link

https://www.rawstory.com/2019/12/experts-stunned-as-mitch-mcconnell-brags-hes-handing-control-of-impeachment-trial-to-trump/

my world since my meltdown

Firstly,,ty for the support. Since then, here has what happened,

I am still going to sing my song in the church,in fact, every time the choir practiced with me, they were rehearsing their Christmas Cantata. And I managed to learn that music and words and will join them Jan 15 for their Cantata.

I have been working even harder, on state rules for HCP individuals. Specifically, mentally challenged. Because of My Daughter. Here are the abridged rules I know, because of my work and I am able to look at these rules as a Dad. I can hire whoever I want for "respite "care at rate I choose. We chose 15 an hour here in Tn,, most care workers get about 8-10 an hour.
But,the big but, My daughter has 40 hours per month during the week approved for personal and hygiene care. But that has to be though an agency that state supplies. We have adhered to that for years. Agency sends a care giver,, my daughter learns to trust them, and caregiver quits through the agency and my daughter suffers and another care giver comes in ,Mom and I train the new one and rinse repeat x 10,20 whatever. Bottom Line, adhering to state rules. Mom and I will not EVER leave Daughter for anything until we know she is comfortable.

So today I made progress, I have been fighting for and saying,,you will pay anyone for respite that I hire. But Hygiene and personal hours have to be agencies. Why can't I hire who I know is comfortable with Daughter? and will answer to me.not state when they decide to leave.

Today out of nowhere, Rep called me,Senator called me,,Gov called me,but I sent him to VM. they are listening. I knew the rules because of what I did as a profession. I am ,and have brought up THEIR rules as to why this will save them dollars and give my Daughter better care. I am waiting on 1 more call to confirm, per all the other calls I had today, that I can do this.

I woke this morn feeling defeated,,thought of a drink upon waking. Resisted that urge and these good things happened. Point is, there are times we need to fight, our addictive urges first, and then our beliefs with our addictive safety net.. at end,, This was a good fecking day.

Koz

Im here,,

not my proudest day by any means. I lost yesterday, Im back to day 1 I failed. folks from this group have reached out and I think I may have scared them with my honesty. I did not mean to question anyone's beliefs, or make any replier to my OP feel like it did not matter to me. I read all replies,,answered as many as I could. my mental and physical realities took over, and I did struggle to bring both in check, more my mental faults because I could not walk away from a simple jerk/asshole response.

I lost yesterday,, I still love and respect this group.. today,,I am back where I am each day...I only need to win today

I wshould not be this strssed

I am a recovering drinker,,92 days I have a handicap daughter 31 yo and I believe,,,what I believe,,, tonmight on Du pushed me ovwesr edge. I made a post to enhancccew discusssion. 1 pewrson wanted to bring up my y extera commas, I have parkinsonns when I get excited ,,, myy hands trembale,,,, moree so since I stoppped drinking. Nows, I will go back to spellcheck and use it


It takews me 3 or 4 times longer to make a post,, I have to go back and correct. Ive lingered here quietly, but this ass questioned me tonight,,why so many commas? I am just me I fight my booze every morning,,but booze has nothing to do with my shaking.. I ma so angry right now at this person,,, how do we deal with it without booze? I want some rum right now

what is trending on DU right now

Monkey post about Darrow,2 posts about Trump did this or that? a Baby Goat, and another poll.
I have spent a couple hours replying and yes, fighting on another post here. Now I see what is trending.
It is why I fear for this country. I do not understand this new media world. I do not understand just reading short snippets and feeling like I know whole situation. I do not understand how I could ever do these points and feel comfortable to do my duty and VOTE, if I was this uninformed. half of Trumps base is exactly this,,, reading snippets and believing.

well,oh crap

I sing and play music to relax and to my make my 31 yo lil hcp girl happy. Seems a CD I made (unprofessionally) for my daughter, has made rounds in our region of the country. A Pastor from a church just asked me to sing a couple songs during service. Ive sang live before. but never for a church, and yes, I view them as the "other side" I will do it,,so Tess can watch me sing live again, she loves it. But I am kinda freaking out because they want choir involved and Im afraid they will not hear the music as I do. Practice sessions start tomorrow, to give the choir, " a getaway from Christmas Cantana" I feel Im being used in a way,,but will do it loud and proud for my beliefs. But I am freaking out a bit. Thanks for listening

Koz

apologies and an explanation

I made a post last Sunday, the 6th. I re-read the post and still agree with most I said,but I worded it brutally. And used some extra punctuation, I agree. I apologize to anyone I made angry.
Now I will explain and hopefully help someone in the process. I have been fighting major depression for over 2 years. I see my psyche each week, unless we are vacation, or she is. AS I sit now, obviously, Sunday was the beginning of my biggest meltdown ever. On Monday, I fell off the "no booze wagon", HARD. I was still able to recognize I wasn't right and called 911. They came and I went with them without issue.
I am now home from my first in-patient visit to a mental health facility. I have never been arrested, and after this stay, I never will be!
As a person who has worked in medical field most my life, and a number of years with challenged folks, such as my daughter. I was absolutely appalled. Not at the conditions of facility, but at the treatment of patients. At what was presented to me as a patient. Choices that I was trying to be led to by so called "drs." Med Changes, trying to get my to sign voluntarily into 28 day in patient programs that had nothing to do with my illness. I could write pages of examples that I noted while there. I was immediately aware that I had to take charge of me while there. I stood up against the med changes, my psyche team and I have spent 2 years trying to zero in on dosages, mode of intake, as I have had gastric bypass, to get me closer to better than I have been in a long time. Someone who had met me 10 minutes ago,wanted to change meds and throw that all away. They continued to move the "goal posts" of "when you can go home" each day. It was the basic topic of discussion at every meal. ( which,btw, I asked for meals to my physical condition and was denied. So I lost another 7 pounds while there. 7 I don't have to lose)
My point is simple, this facility had a one size fits all plan, because they, as I saw, deal with most people, who tend to be homeless, or truly disabled mentally, as they knew and compared other facilities in my area. On each day, each patient saw a true professional for less than 10 minutes. The rest of time was empty. Yes, they had what was labeled as "Group Therapy" which each day was something s playing poker,(ie; math skills) painting with water colors(artistic expression), or watching movies ( diversity education). I know these terms because the one group I learned to trust, after a few carefully chosen inquiries, was the RN's. They became the truth to me and they hated what they had to do too.

In the spirit of me trying to be short speaking, 2 final thoughts;
First, I am appalled at for profit medical even more now!
Secondly, and more important in my mind, those of you who read,responded, and thought about my original post. You witnessed a mental health breakdown. Mine. I only ask if you know someone and see changes, just help! please do not ignore.

I make no excuses for myself, and I thank all DU for a place to talk about anything.

Koz

ok,,I have held my tongue long enough

I am an old guy,, for truth sake, I have managed people for over 30 years and have been on DU for 2 years. Here is what I am seeing with my people experience.

Way,way too many repliers here,who answer without reading the full post. OMG I read them , so many great,,exp Dems, who are posting, and have replies that have nothing to do with the OP! Seems now ,,we read headline,we respond and go to bed feeling good about us.
Koz is bringing a new fight,, I have contacted Du,, I am tired of hearing people respond to me,who obviously did not read my original post. I am finished reading these kind of replies, we are members of DEMORATICUNDERGROUND, time to prove what you believe. I was not a member last election, but I read this site as a guest. So damn many posts about Bernie,, and then Bernie was screwed and Primaries were rigged,, and a lot of you all that were here,, voted for Jill,or not at all. Hey you all,,don't bitch now.

This is DemocraticUnderground, we disagree,,sometimes we fight. But bottom line,,in the end,, WE read,we learn,we know, and By God we support!!! Doesn't matter,,there is no Jill , Ralph, or anyone else,, I speak out of turn, but I will say, I kind of know a lot of old timers here, and I will say,,it is about the WHOLE GOOD. Wanna read snips and respond? Time to look in mirror , my DU friend,,Im old, served my country voluntary , and with this post I till do the same by volunteer.
I am too old to serve my country physically again,, I am reading responses from people young enough to serve, but post very uninformed replies.. I beg of you all!!!!

Nov 2020 is coming soon,, As much as I don't like,,USA is in a 2 party system. Make up your mind,, no 3rd party, no "not voting" ,, Just believe an old guy with his heart. And what did those thoughts get us in 2016? I start my online battle now for America.


Koz Out

I used to post links

from RawStory on here, until started seeing they just post click bait with no confirmation, only unnamed sources,and half visible links if you watch and go through the "video thing". Now I know and have learned, Im still kind of noob,,, when I post my thoughts to other websites,,copied and pasted from here,,ummm,, they seem to carry a lot more weight.this site rocks,,because of the posters, who can calmly talk back and forth. I no longer post RS links,,I am 58 yo and still acceptable to my open mind. I learn every day.

Koz
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