Mr. Scorpio
Mr. Scorpio's JournalT'was The Night Before Christmas DU 2018 - (With sincere apologies to Major Henry Livingston Jr.)
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through DU,
Not a MAGAt was stirring, and nary a troll for Pooty-Poo;
Cutie kitten posts were posted in the Lounge with care,
With memes and jokes and funny tales written with flair.
The Mods were nestled all snug in their forums,
Few posts about Congress, which was absent a quorum.
And Skinner with his Oculus, EarlG with his vape,
and Elad in his kitchen while feasting on a crepe.
When out on my TV, there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my sofa to see what was the matter.
I quickly searched for the remote to turn up the sound,
Breaking news read the chyron and my face turned to a frown.
The news anchor's so distressed while grasping papers in hand,
With grave information to give to the people of the land.
When, what to my concerning eyes should appear,
But a shot of the White House, must I crack open a beer?
Ah, news of that fool, that one so mean and grumpy,
Some may call him "The Donald, but I called him "St. Trumpy."
A man dumber than dumb, he out-dumbs a bag of hammers.
His tweeting idiotic, idiotic prose no better than yammers.
"Out, Pompeo! Out, Mnuchin! Out, Ross and Perry!
Out, Carson! Out, Nielsen! Out, Wilkie and Betsy!"
He fired his cabinet via Twitter in tweets sure to appall:
"You've failed me for the last time, gave me no loyalty and no wall!"
As his firings increased, some say exponentially,
The nation was in a crisis, our worst quite potentially.
The markets reacted woefully, they fell with a plop.
The Government had shut-down, oh my stomach, it did drop.
I wondered, "Could this be the time for this fool to resign,
And put us all in Pence's hands, that lugubrious swine?"
As I downed my bottled brew in one nervously unending swallow,
I feared nation was doomed, as our prospects seemed so hollow.
The broadcast switched from St. Trumpy's tweets of harsh doom and gloom,
To others who stepped forward for an interview in the newsroom.
It was Nancy P. and Chuck S. and other Democratic brass,
They announced "Merry Muellermas, bitches! We're here to kick Trump's ass."
Their eyes -- how they twinkled! Their smiles how merry!
They made the case for impeachment, to the House they will carry!
They then assured to the nation that on January Three,
The first order of business will be a can of whoop-ass and glee.
The news anchor seemed so doubtful, he posed a suspicious query.
"What impeachment case do you have, why do you all seem so cheery?"
Nancy looked into his eyes, smiled and she laid down her case,
It was firm and it was factual, it was iron clad, but with grace:
"Trumpy is unfit for office, obstuctructed justice many times.
His cover-ups and conspiracies with Russia are just a few of his high crimes.
And Pence is guilty too, both are a danger to the nation,
Thus it falls to the rule of law to remove he and Pence from their station."
And then out of the shadows, there stepped a tall and imposing man,
It was Robert Mueller his damn self, his investigation report gripped firmly in his hand.
Nancy looked into the camera for one final message to Pence and Trump,
"Resign now, motherfuckers, or else your asses we will thump."
The End!
I wish all of you a Happy Holiday and Joyous New Year, Everybody!
(This is a follow up to the one I did in 2016.
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10027472285)
"The latest Trump Administration Official Career Death Pool award is under official review..."
"The ruling on the field is that Sarge43 was the only winner of the SecDef Mattis career death date. But the Trump White House has just announced that Sec Mattis will be leaving two months early, to be replaced by Dep SecDef Patrick Shanahan: https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-announces-mattis-leaving-two-months-early-amid-blowback-over-n951386. The ref is now reviewing the play..."
"Looks like the ref has made a decision..."
"Upon further review, because Donald Trump has fucked things up royally, out of fairness, the following additional DUers are also being awarded Shiny No-Prizes for their SecDef Mattis picks:
- Ilsa
- The Velveteen Ocelot
- JDC "
Everybody wins this one!
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