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Thu Dec 24, 2015, 08:32 AM

T'was The Night Before Christmas DU Style (With sincere apologies to Major Henry Livingston Jr.)

Last edited Thu Dec 24, 2015, 09:24 AM - Edit history (1)

'Twas the night before Christmas and here in The Function
Not a creature was stirring, not even The Gungeon;
The stockings were hung all over The Lounge with care,
Along with pictures of kittens that are always posted there;

The Berners and Hillers were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of candidates gyrated in their heads;
And Skinner in his Snuggie, EarlG in his cap,
and Elad had just settled down for a long winter's nap,

When out on the Internet there arose such a boisterous clatter,
I sprang from my Craftmatic to see what's the matter.
Away to the iMac I flew, with absent my trousers,
Logged on the computer and opened the browsers.

I gazed upon my screen all manner of Republican nuttery.
To a political junkie like me, it's all tasty and buttery,
When, instead of some fun, came the worst of letdowns,
I beheld a miniature clown car, and nine tiny clowns,

With a little old driver, so obtuse and lumpy,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Trumpy.
More vapid than baggers, these GOPer hopefuls they came,
And he snorted, and rambled, and called the rest by name;

"Now, CRUZIE! now, BUSHIE! now, HUCKSTER and FROTHEN!
On, CARSIE! on CRISCO! on, AQUABUDDHA and THAT OTHER GUY WHOSE NAME I'VE FORGOTTEN!
To the top of Nashua! to the top of Des Moines!
Now run away! run away! run from my loins!"

As Gadsen flags fly, fluttered by right wing hot air,
The facts, pollsters and pundits avoid, with nary a care.
Before a boisterous crowd of rabid morons they flew,
With the car full of bullshit, and St. Trumpster too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on my iMac
The stumbling and grumbling of each political PAC.
As I scrolled down the browser, I clicked on a link,
On the screen came St. Trumpy, just as my tummy started to sink.

He was dressed, all in Brooks Brothers, from his neck to his foot,
And on his scalp was glued a three-toed sloth or a dead rat to boot;
A bundle of fascistic rhetoric he had rattling in his head,
I plainly saw that he was The Monster from the Republicans' Id.

His eyes -- how they squinted! his dimples how scuzzy!
His cheeks were all swollen, his nose hairs so fuzzy!
His lipless little mouth was drawn up in a smirk,
And his entire countenance confirmed him a jerk;

He gritted his teeth, then he changed to a pout,
And reams of disjointed nonsense he started to shout;
"You're all losers, I'm the best, it's so great to be me,
and I'll kick out the Muslims and Mexicans, with enthusiasm and glee."

The moronic crowd ate him up, this horrible old elf,
And I winced when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A craze of his eye and the dead rat on his head,
Soon gave me to know I had everything to dread;

He spoke endless nonsense, getting a rise out of the crowd;
And emptied their heads, common sense disallowed.
He swerved and bent over and let out a poot.
And the morons ate it all up, this clown for they'd root;

All done, he sprang to the clown car, with the others in tow,
And away they all flew to Carolina, for the rest of the show.
But I heard him exclaim, "Look at them all, they're nothing but suckers.
If I can do one thing well, I can fleece motherfuckers."

The End!

I wish all of you a Happy Holiday and Joyous New Year, Everybody!

And remember, friends don't let friends not vote against Republicans in November 2016.

15 replies, 1714 views

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Always highlight: 10 newest replies | Replies posted after I mark a forum
Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 15 replies Author Time Post
Reply T'was The Night Before Christmas DU Style (With sincere apologies to Major Henry Livingston Jr.) (Original post)
MrScorpio Dec 2015 OP
Squinch Dec 2015 #1
dembotoz Dec 2015 #2
mahina Dec 2015 #3
pinboy3niner Dec 2015 #4
myrna minx Dec 2015 #5
KittyWampus Dec 2015 #6
KittyWampus Dec 2015 #7
sarge43 Dec 2015 #8
1StrongBlackMan Dec 2015 #9
Lucky Luciano Dec 2015 #10
brer cat Dec 2015 #11
lovemydog Dec 2015 #12
etherealtruth Dec 2015 #13
treestar Dec 2015 #14
Tommy_Carcetti Dec 2015 #15

Response to MrScorpio (Original post)

Thu Dec 24, 2015, 08:57 AM

1. Fabulous!

Happy happy holidays, Mr. Scorpio! May all your fondest dreams come true in the New Year.



(heh heh heh: "his nose hairs how scuzzy." )

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Response to MrScorpio (Original post)

Thu Dec 24, 2015, 09:20 AM

2. Alas more talent than I can aspire to. Well done

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Response to MrScorpio (Original post)

Thu Dec 24, 2015, 09:26 AM

3. Oh thank you! I lol'd, I roflmao'd, I grinned and I giggled.

You made my day without mentioning Strumpet got iggled.

(you know- about the eagle? That didn't like him?)

What a treat, and just for us. Aloha no and thanks again.

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Response to MrScorpio (Original post)

Thu Dec 24, 2015, 09:33 AM

4. Well done

For that you should get a Major Award!


Merry Christmas!

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Response to MrScorpio (Original post)

Thu Dec 24, 2015, 09:38 AM

5. Hilarious! K&R

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Response to MrScorpio (Original post)

Thu Dec 24, 2015, 09:40 AM

6. "To a political junkie like me, it's all tasty and buttery,"

 

LOL!

Well done.

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Response to KittyWampus (Reply #6)

Thu Dec 24, 2015, 09:45 AM

7. And thanks for attributing the original poem to the actual author!

 

http://www.nbcnews.com/news/other/twas-trial-christmas-who-really-wrote-famous-poem-f2D11758502

Bolstering his side will be the testimony of a Vassar College English professor, Don Foster, who specializes in using literary forensic techniques to unmask authors. It was Foster who made the case that Joe Klein wrote Anonymous, a thinly disguised account of Bill Clinton's 1992 presidential campaign.

For starters, Foster says, Clement Moore was a notorious sourpuss, a stern parent who warned of the dangers of temporary pleasures. Another part of the case against Moore concerns the names of the reindeer the poem's narrator hears called out by St. Nick -- "Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid" and two more.

When Moore copied the poem out by hand two decades after its publication, he wrote the last two as "Donder and Blitzen." But the version originally published by the Sentinel had them as "Dunder and Blixem," Americanized versions of the Dutch words for thunder and lightning.

"Livingston was from a Dutch family, and he would have known those words," says Duncan Crary, a Troy public relations consultant who will host the mock trial.

"Blitzen is German for lightning. Why would Moore have made that change, unless he didn't know the original Dutch? The Hudson Valley was settled by the Dutch."

Livingston's partisans also note where the stress falls in each line of the poem -- on every third syllable: "Not a CREAT-ure was STIR-ing / Not EV-en a MOUSE." Known as anapestic meter, it was used in only one poem positively attributed to Moore.

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Response to MrScorpio (Original post)

Thu Dec 24, 2015, 09:52 AM

8. Thank you for this Christmas gift

Happy Holidays to you and yours.

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Response to MrScorpio (Original post)

Thu Dec 24, 2015, 09:58 AM

9. I started laughing before I opened the link ...

 

I was not disappointed!

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Response to MrScorpio (Original post)

Thu Dec 24, 2015, 10:00 AM

10. I question the sincerity of your apology.



Well done!

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Response to MrScorpio (Original post)

Thu Dec 24, 2015, 10:12 AM

11. I love you, MrScorpio.

That is hysterical.

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Response to MrScorpio (Original post)

Thu Dec 24, 2015, 12:28 PM

12. Duzy!

Happy holidays MrScorpio.

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Response to MrScorpio (Original post)

Thu Dec 24, 2015, 12:39 PM

13. You are the best of the best

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Response to MrScorpio (Original post)

Thu Dec 24, 2015, 03:29 PM

14. Have a great holiday!

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Response to MrScorpio (Original post)

Thu Dec 24, 2015, 11:58 PM

15. Well done!

K and R'd.

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