Top Ten Conservative Idiots of the Week

[Nanjing to Seoul]

[font style="font-size:1.539em; text-transform:uppercase;"]The Academy Awards Edition[/font]

This week was a bumper crop of dumb-fuckery, so it’s time to give out the DU Oscars for conservative idiocy. There were a whole bunch of asshats, dipshits and fuckwits intermixed with the usual moron, racist, bigot and sexist. All in all, the nominees were plentiful. Scott Walker (1) proves he is a corrupt, Kochsucking whore, Rand Paul (2) is a hypocrite, Dick Cheney proves he is a heartless asshole again (8) and Ted Nugent just keeps talking (10). And as always, don't forget the key. Remember, you can run your mouse over the icon to see what it means.

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[font style="font-size:1.539em; text-transform:uppercase;"]Scott Walker[/font]
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When people think of big time, Kocksucking losers in the world, the first name that comes up is Scott Walker, Republican Governor of Wisconsin.

See, Walker is what happens when Democrats get angry because the president didn’t give them 100% of everything they wanted, so they stay off, cutting off their nose to spite their face and allowing assholes like Kaisich, Walker, Scott, Haley, LePage, Christie, Brewer, McCrory and Corbett to hijack the country.

The problem is their power rests on a intricate group of lies and shady deals. And one thing most power hungry, obtuse politicians don’t seem to understand is lies get discovered quickly. . .so more lies need to be told to cover your ass. And the new lies are even bolder and more grandiose than the original lies.

Scottie Walker is finding that out now. Because apparently, he ordered people to break the law to promote him online. Whoops!

[div class="excerpt" style="background-color:#F4E0E0; border:1px solid #E8C0C0; box-shadow:-1px -1px 3px #C66666 inset; border-radius:0.6em; margin:0.5385em 0em 0em 0.5385em;"]In the heat of the 2010 governor’s race, Scott Walker urged both county employees and campaign aides to go to news websites and post comments promoting him and his record, newly unsealed documents show.

Ummm. . .record producers used to do this in the 1950s and into the 1970s in a scandal called “payola.” It seems the new political payola is to force your underlings to break the law to advance your political ambitions. Don’t worry, Scottie pleaded ignorance, then got offended that someone would question him about it.

[div class="excerpt" style="background-color:#F4E0E0; border:1px solid #E8C0C0; box-shadow:-1px -1px 3px #C66666 inset; border-radius:0.6em; margin:0.5385em 0em 0em 0.5385em;"]Scott Walker’s defense has always been that he had no connection to any of this, but it is impossible to make that argument when a message sent from his Blackberry ends up posted nearly word for word on a website just a half of an hour after he sent it. On Fox News Sunday, Walker refused to answer questions, and got very defensive when asked about the emails.

Most people would get defensive too, when their ass was being handed to them. It’s the first sign of complete guilt. Attack the accusation and accuse the accuser. Walker then trotted out his famous “I haven’t been charged with a crime so I did nothing wrong” defense. And heads full of logic went boom!

[div class="excerpt" style="background-color:#F4E0E0; border:1px solid #E8C0C0; box-shadow:-1px -1px 3px #C66666 inset; border-radius:0.6em; margin:0.5385em 0em 0em 0.5385em;"]His main defense is that he wasn’t charged with a crime. However, not being charged with a crime isn’t the same thing as not committing a crime. Walker’s refusal to answer questions about the emails is only serving to heighten the scrutiny on the governor.

Exactly. . .not being charged with murder during a murder investigation does not mean the “person of interest” isn’t the guilty party. It just means there isn’t enough evidence to warrant a charge. . .yet.

But, using his logic. . .WHEN he is charged, does that mean his defense is dead? He wasn’t charged with a crime, so he is innocent. So when he is charged, he’s guilty? Anyone tell this brain-dead halfwit to keep his mouth shut and not make things worse?

This isn’t all of this either. He did more too.

[div class="excerpt" style="background-color:#F4E0E0; border:1px solid #E8C0C0; box-shadow:-1px -1px 3px #C66666 inset; border-radius:0.6em; margin:0.5385em 0em 0em 0.5385em;"]Walker's campaign spokesman Jonathan Wetzel said Friday that emails asking people to post comments were not directives to government employees.

Oh no? What were they? Helpful suggestions? Warm tips? Undemanded mandates? Come on, when it walks like a duck, looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s a duck. Or, an even better analogy: Don’t piss on my shoes and tell me it’s raining.

[div class="excerpt" style="background-color:#F4E0E0; border:1px solid #E8C0C0; box-shadow:-1px -1px 3px #C66666 inset; border-radius:0.6em; margin:0.5385em 0em 0em 0.5385em;"]"The post was an observation made to a multitude of individuals. They were trusted to determine how best to handle that observation based on their own individual capacity," Wetzel said. "Neither the governor nor the campaign are aware of who made the post."

The post duplicated and carried out an email directive Walker sent to about two dozen people

Ignorance is so wonderful. It’s the last attempt of a drowning corrupt politician to shift the blame. “I” “do not” and “recall” are fantastic excuses. As Ronnie Raygun!

[div class="excerpt" style="background-color:#F4E0E0; border:1px solid #E8C0C0; box-shadow:-1px -1px 3px #C66666 inset; border-radius:0.6em; margin:0.5385em 0em 0em 0.5385em;"]There is enough evidence in these emails for a new investigation into Gov. Walker. If the state won’t investigate, the apparent level of corruption is so severe that this may require federal involvement. It appears that Scott Walker committed numerous crimes, but it may take a public outcry for justice to be done.

Pretty soon, the icons [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Indicted"] , [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Arrest"], and [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Prison"] will be used for Scott Walker. Soon, if there is a God. Tomorrow if there is a heaven. After reading this article if there is wish granting genie.


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[font style="font-size:1.539em; text-transform:uppercase;"]Rand Paul[/font]
[div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Oscar Winner"] [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Loser"] [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Spin"] [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Massive Ego"] [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Partisanship"] [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Excessive Spin"]

The Kentucky Rug Doctor has come back to life and this time, he’s pissed off at Barack Obama (what a surprise).

Apparently, Ayn Rand Paul (R-Batshit Crazyland) wants to block the new surgeon general. Not because the nominee, Dr. Vivek Murthy, isn’t qualified. . .but because Murthy isn’t a gun humping asshole like Paul is.

[div class="excerpt" style="background-color:#F4E0E0; border:1px solid #E8C0C0; box-shadow:-1px -1px 3px #C66666 inset; border-radius:0.6em; margin:0.5385em 0em 0em 0.5385em;"]On Wednesday — two years to the day after George Zimmerman shot and killed Trayvon Martin — Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) placed a hold on President Barack Obama’s nominee for Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy, over Murthy’s view that gun violence represents a significant public health threat.

Guns aren’t a public health threat. Everyone knows bullets don’t kill. Everyone knows guns don’t kill people. People kill people. Look what happened in Kunming, in China, last week, when 33 people will killed in knife and sword attacks. See, those things kill. They are public health risks. One, though, has to question, if using Kunming (a city of amazing beauty, by the way), if the people who did the attack had guns, would their have been only 29 people killed, or would their have been more?

Please pander, Paul! Give us your best spin.

[div class="excerpt" style="background-color:#F4E0E0; border:1px solid #E8C0C0; box-shadow:-1px -1px 3px #C66666 inset; border-radius:0.6em; margin:0.5385em 0em 0em 0.5385em;"]“In his efforts to curtail Second Amendment rights, Dr. Murthy has continually referred to guns as a public health issue on par with heart disease and has diminished the role of mental health in gun violence,” wrote Paul in a letter to Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid.

Your Republican God, Ronnie Raygun, emptied the mental health wards and pretty much bankrupted the entire federal budget for mental health and now you’re taking the mental health route, “Dr.” Paul. What a fucking hypocrite!

[div class="excerpt" style="background-color:#F4E0E0; border:1px solid #E8C0C0; box-shadow:-1px -1px 3px #C66666 inset; border-radius:0.6em; margin:0.5385em 0em 0em 0.5385em;"]“As a physician, I am deeply concerned that he has advocated that doctors use their position of trust to ask patients, including minors, details about gun ownership in the home… Dr. Murthy has disqualified himself from being Surgeon General because of his intent to use that position to launch an attack on Americans’ right to own a firearm under the guise of a public health and safety campaign.”

Next up for the Rug Doctor. . .disqualifying the Sec. Of Transportation because of his support for increased fuel emissions standards. It’s an attack on Americans’ right to pollute the environment and make my oil overlords wealthier under the guise of wanting to make a sustainable energy policy.


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[font style="font-size:1.539em; text-transform:uppercase;"]Milton Wolfe[/font]
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So, Rand Paul is against a doctor using their position to say that guns are a public health risk. How about a doctor using his position to make jokes about his gunshot victims? I hear you saying that can’t be true, but it is.

Milton Wolfe is challenging non-Kansas resident Pat Roberts for the Republican nomination to the US Senate from Kansas. Now, according to law, Roberts should already be disqualified because he doesn’t live in Kansas, but owns a “recliner” in a donor’s living room. Wolfe should be the nominee because he actually lives in Kansas, but fuck the law when you’re a Republican.

Anyway, Wolfe is a good teabagger, meaning he is stupid, clueless, obtuse and arrogant. He posted online, X-rays of gun shot victims and made nasty, snarky comments about them.

[div class="excerpt" style="background-color:#F4E0E0; border:1px solid #E8C0C0; box-shadow:-1px -1px 3px #C66666 inset; border-radius:0.6em; margin:0.5385em 0em 0em 0.5385em;"]In one instance, Wolf posted an X-ray of a patient “decapitated” by gunfire. “One of my all-time favorites,” he wrote. “From my residency days there was a pretty active ‘knife and gun club’ at Truman Medical Center. What kind of gun blows somebody’s head completely off? I’ve got to get one of those.”

Wow! Just wow! What kind of gun blows somebody’s head completely off? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! What a knee slapper, slappy! Damn! What else do you have?

[div class="excerpt" style="background-color:#F4E0E0; border:1px solid #E8C0C0; box-shadow:-1px -1px 3px #C66666 inset; border-radius:0.6em; margin:0.5385em 0em 0em 0.5385em;"]“It reminds (me) of the scene from Terminator 2,” he continued, “when they shoot the liquid metal terminator guy in the face at close range and it kind of splits him open temporarily almost like a flower blooming. We all find beauty in different things.”

LMFAO!!! LOL! ROFL!!! A blowing someone’s face off joke! Damn, these are fresh! You are quite the joker, Milton.

[div class="excerpt" style="background-color:#F4E0E0; border:1px solid #E8C0C0; box-shadow:-1px -1px 3px #C66666 inset; border-radius:0.6em; margin:0.5385em 0em 0em 0.5385em;"]In a separate instance Wolf joked about repositioning a murdered patient’s head for an X-ray of his fatal gunshot wound. “It’s not like the patient was going to complain,” he wrote. Topeka Capital-Journal’s Tim Carpenter alleged that according to the date of the posting and the comments, the X-ray was posted before the victim’s funeral. (Wolf refused to speculate on that.)

God. . .the tears from the laughter! Seriously! The victim isn’t going to complain! PRICELESS!!! And posting the x-rays at the funeral. COMIC GOLD!!!

In the dictionary under asshole, it says see Milton Wolfe. And this is what Kansas will probably elect to the Senate, if their election for their shitwad governor is any measure.


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[font style="font-size:1.539em; text-transform:uppercase;"]Residents of Homophobia Lane[/font]
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This is going to be a long entry. Because it appears Homophobia lane doesn’t just exist in the United States, but there is a Homophobia Lane everywhere people have narrow minded, bigoted attitudes and superior complexes.

First stop, Uganda, that bastion of human rights. Apparently, they just passed something called “Kill the Gays” Law. Nice, huh? Cute name. What does it do?

[div class="excerpt" style="background-color:#F4E0E0; border:1px solid #E8C0C0; box-shadow:-1px -1px 3px #C66666 inset; border-radius:0.6em; margin:0.5385em 0em 0em 0.5385em;"]Uganda’s "Kill the Gays" bill imposes lifetime imprisonment for conviction of homosexuality, lifetime imprisonment for entering into a same-sex marriage, 7 years imprisonment for conducting a same-sex marriage, 7 years imprisonment for advocacy by or on behalf of LGBT people, 5 years imprisonment for providing housing to LGBT people, and 7 years imprisonment for providing services to LGBT people.

How nice? Normally, places just outlaw the acts of gay sex (oral, anal, etc) but Uganda passes a law outlawing homosexuality completely. Antonin Scalia must be busting nuts in his pants waiting for some jerkwater state of bigots to do this and vote in a 5-4 majority that Bills of Attainder are constitutional, so long as they target icky homos.

It’s amazing that gay people can even breathe in public without some homophobe trying to cut off their air. One thing I never understood is why goes a man falling in love with someone they want to be with so disgusting to so many people? These are the same people that don’t mind two women in porn performing lesbian acts, but don’t think two men is gross.

As we continue down homophobia lane, we come to a crossroads where Tea Party bigots meet narrow minded state officials in, of all places, Kansas. Hey! There’s that jerkwater state Scalia is now busting nuts over.

Apparently, gays are so icky to tea party people that they want laws that make it easy to discriminate by coding language in a law that allows people to deny access to any LGBT if someone’s religion tells them gay people are icky.

[div class="excerpt" style="background-color:#F4E0E0; border:1px solid #E8C0C0; box-shadow:-1px -1px 3px #C66666 inset; border-radius:0.6em; margin:0.5385em 0em 0em 0.5385em;"]As Raw Story reported on February 9, 2014, House Bill 2453 would make it such that “no individual or religious entity shall be required by any governmental entity” to “provide any services, accommodations, advantages, facilities, goods, or privileges” if “it would be contrary to the sincerely held religious beliefs of the individual or religious entity regarding sex or gender.”

Moreover, any same-sex couple who sought legal recourse to complain about discrimination would be foiled, because a Kansan would have only to “assert the protections provided as a defense to dismiss such action.”

The group, Kansas for Liberty (nice name, huh), has stated this is designed also to protect gay people so they cannot be forced by the government to allow anti-gay people on their property. The circular logic is amazing. Stupid, but amazing.

Apparently, this also applies to NFL locker rooms, because some asshole Republican, scared to death of an openly gay NFL player, wants to pass a Bill of Attainder banning gay people from playing in the NFL. Because Michael Sam has done so much to ruin a sport where overly muscled men smash each other, tackle each other, hug and grope each other and every bend over in front of each other while another man puts his hands suspiciously close to another man’s junk. Then, they all get naked together and have big group showers. Jack Burkman is so afraid of Michael Sam ruining his non homo-erotic past time that he is lobbying Congress as we speak.

[div class="excerpt" style="background-color:#F4E0E0; border:1px solid #E8C0C0; box-shadow:-1px -1px 3px #C66666 inset; border-radius:0.6em; margin:0.5385em 0em 0em 0.5385em;"]A Republican lobbyist is preparing legislation that would ban gay athletes from playing in the National Football League, a move he says is necessary to prevent American society from sliding into indecency. Jack Burkman, the CEO of Burkman LLC, said Monday that he would push Republican lawmakers to support the measure, which he put together after college football star Michael Sam announced that he is gay. In an interview with The Huffington Post, Burkman insisted that five members of the House of Representatives and one senator are interested in co-sponsoring the bill, and that those numbers would rise to 36 and five, respectively, within three weeks. Notably, he declined to name any of the lawmakers in question.

Because the five House members are probably the same five assholes that do all this shit (Bachmann, King, Gohmert, Issa, Satan) and the Senator is probably Ted Cruz. . .so no one would be surprised by the overt bigotry of those six mental midgets.

Next, the State of Missouri comes into the fray, as a bill is introduced (another Bill of Attainder) by State Sen. Wayne Wallingford to allow open discrimination again LGBT. And this prick doesn’t even hide his bigoted bullshit behind nice sounding language. He flat out comes out and say “yes, I’m looking to fuck over gay people, but not in the gay way. . .in the legal way.”

[div class="excerpt" style="background-color:#F4E0E0; border:1px solid #E8C0C0; box-shadow:-1px -1px 3px #C66666 inset; border-radius:0.6em; margin:0.5385em 0em 0em 0.5385em;"]Wallingford acknowledged that his legislation was intended to protect people and businesses who wish to discriminate against LGBT people, giving the examples of a florist or baker who refused to provide their services in same-sex weddings.

“This is trying to provide a defense in those types of instances,” he said. “We’re trying to protect Missourians from attacks on their religious freedom."

Some Christian please show me where in the New Testament Jesus said “love thy neighbor, so long as they are straight” and “judge not lest ye be judged, except if you are judging icky gayo-Americans.”

Missouri’s least favorite and most embarrassing son decided to jump into the fray. Kaptain Krispy Kreme uses his ballast on loan from God to burp out more crap on the “Excrement in Broadcasting” Network.

Apparently, according to the Limpballs, Jan Brewer will veto the law because. . .wait for it, liberals hate laws they don’t agree with and will take people to court instead of accepting a law they don’t like.
[div class="excerpt" style="background-color:#F4E0E0; border:1px solid #E8C0C0; box-shadow:-1px -1px 3px #C66666 inset; border-radius:0.6em; margin:0.5385em 0em 0em 0.5385em;"]LIMBAUGH: "Religious beliefs, as Allah knows, religious beliefs can't be used to stop anything the left wants to impose, unless they're Muslim religious beliefs, then we have to honor those. But any other religious beliefs, not permitted, the left will not allow them. I mean, you might think on the face of it it would make her a hero with the news media and the rest of the left, and maybe so, but for five minutes, and then she'll go back to being a near-criminal conservative Republican or worse. The homosexual advocates want her to veto it on the basis of human rights, civil rights, gay rights, and what have you. So even vetoing the bill won't be good enough. She has to veto the bill for the right moral reasons. The nearest liberal judge will declare the law to be unconstitutional. If there's one thing that we've learned by now, ladies and gentlemen, the left does not accept laws it doesn't like. They just don't.”

So, how many times have you advocated the ACA being abolished? And how many of the lawsuits against if have you supported, fatboy? Shut the fuck up and go the fuck away. Isn’t time for you to get more Oxycotin and much some scat (since the late, great Bill Hicks told us all you do that).

However, Brewer did veto it (good) and Arizona saves itself more embarrassment. Don’t tell the jackholes on the right. They are viewing Jan Brewer now as the new Benedict Arnold, Wang Jing Wei and any other traitor you can think of. They are going out of their ever loving minds because of this. Look at the tweets from right wing twits on twitter.

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Because Christians are so oppressed being 83% of the American population.

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No. She reaffirms the 14th amendment of equal protection under the law applies to everyone, even icky gayo-Americans.

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Pot meet kettle. But my favorite:

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I smell a bright blue America at the end of this year!


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[font style="font-size:1.539em; text-transform:uppercase;"]Chris Mapp[/font]
[div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Oscar Winner"] [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Batshit Crazy"] [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Massive Ego"] [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Cyborg"] [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Lame"] [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Fat Cat"]

Jon Cornyn (R-Mars) has a teabagger primary challenge from teabagger businessman Chris Mapp (R-Moon). Cornyn is a Bush-licker, a conservaturd and one step above troglodyte on the evolutionary (I’m sorry, the intelligent design) scale. But Mapp seems to want to not be just the troglodyte, but the shit under the troglodyte’s underbelly.

Apparently, according to Mapp, calling Mexicans “wetbacks” is as normal as breathing air.

[div class="excerpt" style="background-color:#F4E0E0; border:1px solid #E8C0C0; box-shadow:-1px -1px 3px #C66666 inset; border-radius:0.6em; margin:0.5385em 0em 0em 0.5385em;"]Texas Tea Party Republican Chris Mapp’s bid to unseat Sen. John Cornyn (R-TX) has garnered attention not for his policy views, but for his use and defense of the anti-Latino slur “wetbacks” during a meeting with one of the state’s biggest newspapers.

Way to reach out to that Latino vote there, Mapp. Care to expand on the racism?

[div class="excerpt" style="background-color:#F4E0E0; border:1px solid #E8C0C0; box-shadow:-1px -1px 3px #C66666 inset; border-radius:0.6em; margin:0.5385em 0em 0em 0.5385em;"]The Huffington Post reported that the 53-year-old businessman used the term during an interview earlier this month with the editorial board of the Dallas Morning News, saying that “ranchers should be allowed to shoot on sight anyone illegally crossing the border on to their land.” He also reportedly referred to President Barack Obama as a “socialist son of a b*tch.”

Racist, violent, classless and stupid. Texas has a new hero!

[div class="excerpt" style="background-color:#F4E0E0; border:1px solid #E8C0C0; box-shadow:-1px -1px 3px #C66666 inset; border-radius:0.6em; margin:0.5385em 0em 0em 0.5385em;"]The Morning News noted Mapp’s remarks while endorsing Cornyn on Feb. 16, in part because of Cornyn’s support for immigration reform. Meanwhile, Mapp was listed among the rest of the other GOP contenders, who were described as “less informed, little known and generally offer extreme, vague or impractical ideas.”

Aww, snap. That’s a smackdown, Mapp. Care to rebut?

[div class="excerpt" style="background-color:#F4E0E0; border:1px solid #E8C0C0; box-shadow:-1px -1px 3px #C66666 inset; border-radius:0.6em; margin:0.5385em 0em 0em 0.5385em;"]Mapp subsequently defended the remark to the San Antonio Express-News, calling use of the slur “as normal as breathing air in South Texas.” He has faced criticism from not only state Democrats, but Cornyn and other state conservatives.

Stay tuned next week when Mapp drops an n-bomb on national TV, saying “but (n-bombs) say it all the time.” After that, he will go into a Chinese restaurant with make believe slanted eyes and say “ching chong ding dong” will mistaking the letter “R” for the the letter “L,” which is more common in Korea and Japan than in China. To which, Mapp will respond “but they all look the same anyway. So who cares.”


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[font style="font-size:1.539em; text-transform:uppercase;"]Steve Martin[/font]
[div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Oscar Winner"] [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Dumb"] [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Dumb"] [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Circular Firing Squad"] [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Loser"] [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Batshit Crazy"]

More war on women. . .this time we go to Virginia for it. Meet Steve Martin (not the comedian), but the dipshit! See, he has interesting views on women and pregnancy. He has decided to call a mother a “host” and not a mother. Which asks a question: If a mother is a host, does that make the fetus a parasite? So, who is Steve Martin? According to Huffington Post, he is the Virginia State Senate’s former chairman of the Senate Education and Health Committee. Apparently, mental health is something he knows little about.

So, he gets a Valentine’s Day card critical of his position on reproductive rights, and Martin decides to go all batshit sexist. Take it away, Steve!

[div class="excerpt" style="background-color:#F4E0E0; border:1px solid #E8C0C0; box-shadow:-1px -1px 3px #C66666 inset; border-radius:0.6em; margin:0.5385em 0em 0em 0.5385em;"]"I don't expect to be in the room or will I do anything to prevent you from obtaining a contraceptive," Martin wrote. "However, once a child does exist in your womb, I'm not going to assume a right to kill it just because the child's host (some refer to them as mothers) doesn't want it."

Uhh. . .what? The Child’s Host? Who calls a mother a child’s host? No one! Except an obtuse motherfucker like this.

This isn’t the first time Martin has decided to tell women what they can and can’t do with their bodies.

[div class="excerpt" style="background-color:#F4E0E0; border:1px solid #E8C0C0; box-shadow:-1px -1px 3px #C66666 inset; border-radius:0.6em; margin:0.5385em 0em 0em 0.5385em;"]Martin voted for Virginia's mandatory ultrasound bill and supported a fetal personhood bill, which would ban all abortions and could affect the legality of some forms of contraception. The Virginia Pro-Choice Coalition had sent him a Valentine's Day card asking him to protect women's reproductive health options, "including preventing unwanted pregnancies, raising healthy children and choosing safe, legal abortion."

So, he is in favor of jamming large objects up a woman’s who-who-dilly and making sure a fetus is a person. . .I wonder what he thinks after the fetus leaves a woman’s who-who-dilly? When you’re preborn,you’re fine. When you’re preschool, you’re screwed.

Martin continued to turn away from the skid (meaning he made it worse is people are taught to turn into a skid to straighten out).

[div class="excerpt" style="background-color:#F4E0E0; border:1px solid #E8C0C0; box-shadow:-1px -1px 3px #C66666 inset; border-radius:0.6em; margin:0.5385em 0em 0em 0.5385em;"]"If it's your expectation that I should support such nonsense, I will be breaking your heart," he wrote. "You can count on me to never get in the way of you 'preventing an unintentional pregnancy.' I'm not actually sure what that means, because if it's 'unintentional' you must have been trying to prevent it."

I would like to see the world from his point of view. . .but you know how the joke goes. Maybe Steve Martin is a comedian after all. A sadly unfunny one. Brad Stine and Dennis Miller have competition.


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[font style="font-size:1.539em; text-transform:uppercase;"]Rex Tillerson[/font]
[div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Oscar Winner"] [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Hypocrisy"] [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Massive Ego"] [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Pig"] [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Lame"] [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Batshit Crazy"]

Fracking destroys the environment, ruins the Earth, poisons everything and produces little. In other words, it’s the energy industry’s wet dream. And since it only fucks up small town in the middle of BFE America, who the hell cares?

Exxon CEO Rex Tillerson loves fracking. He wants everyone to do it so he can make money. Well, not everyone. . .and not if it ruins his property values.

[div class="excerpt" style="background-color:#F4E0E0; border:1px solid #E8C0C0; box-shadow:-1px -1px 3px #C66666 inset; border-radius:0.6em; margin:0.5385em 0em 0em 0.5385em;"]ExxonMobil CEO Rex Tillerson has decided to join a lawsuit to prevent fracking from “devaluing” his property in Texas. Tillerson, whose company and industry avidly promote the controversial process of hydraulic fracturing and attempt to block regulatory oversight, wants to prevent the process from coming to his neighborhood.

Tillerson once famously said, “What good is it to save the planet if humanity suffers?” Now it seems that, because he could be personally inconvenienced and his property could be devalued, the CEO has decided that saving the environment, at least on his multi-million dollar Texas property, may not be such a bad thing after all.

Wow! Talk about being a self-interested, greedy, hypocritical piece of shit. Exxon and Chevron (last week’s pizza bullshit) are two peas in a pod! Just the scum of the Earth. Amazingly, he joins the lawsuit to protect his own personal habitat. If he had no property there, who the hell cares?

[div class="excerpt" style="background-color:#F4E0E0; border:1px solid #E8C0C0; box-shadow:-1px -1px 3px #C66666 inset; border-radius:0.6em; margin:0.5385em 0em 0em 0.5385em;"]The lawsuit, which Tillerson joined, cites the inconveniences and negative consequences of fracking while seeking to block the construction of a 160-foot water tower associated with the process. The well would provide water to a nearby fracking operation, the Wall Street Journal reports.

Tune in next week when this assclown joins a lawsuit to prevent the Keystone XL pipeline because the oil from it may damage his paint job. It won’t damage his gonads. This prick as balls the size a church bells.


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[font style="font-size:1.539em; text-transform:uppercase;"]Dick Cheney[/font]
[div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Oscar Winner"] [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Lame"] [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Batshit Crazy"] [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Just Plain Evil"] [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Dumb"] [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Cyborg"]

The troll under the bridge is baaaack, and saying more shit that makes people cringe. Apparently, Obama has Dickie’s knickers in a twist over something.

[div class="excerpt" style="background-color:#F4E0E0; border:1px solid #E8C0C0; box-shadow:-1px -1px 3px #C66666 inset; border-radius:0.6em; margin:0.5385em 0em 0em 0.5385em;"]“Absolutely dangerous,” Cheney told Fox News host Sean Hannity. “I, obviously, have not been a strong supporter of Barack Obama but this really is over the top. It does enormous long-term damage to our military.”

Oh damn. Obama must have done something REALLY bad! I mean, Dick is so furious, his pacemaker skipped a beat after he shot another person in the face.

Please continue the salad tossing on Hannity’s moron screech-fest.

[div class="excerpt" style="background-color:#F4E0E0; border:1px solid #E8C0C0; box-shadow:-1px -1px 3px #C66666 inset; border-radius:0.6em; margin:0.5385em 0em 0em 0.5385em;"]“They’re basically making the decision, the Obama administration, that they no longer want to be dominant on the seas and the skies and in space,” the former vice president added. “This notion that we no longer want to have a force that’s capable of any sustained occupation of a foreign territory, that’s a basic fundamental decision that drives — supposedly justifies this. But lots of times, you don’t get to make that choice. Circumstances will make that choice for you.”

Okay, now, I’m a little confused. He lost me. Care to explain what your problem is? Why is trimming the military budget so bad, Dick?

[div class="excerpt" style="background-color:#F4E0E0; border:1px solid #E8C0C0; box-shadow:-1px -1px 3px #C66666 inset; border-radius:0.6em; margin:0.5385em 0em 0em 0.5385em;"]“I think the whole thing is not driven by any change in world circumstances, it’s driven by budget considerations,” he insisted. “He would much rather spend the money on food stamps than he would on a strong military or support for our troops.”

****bottom lip dropping****

How dare poor people want to eat! At the cost of a bomber the military doesn’t need, want or even can use. Oh, the humanity. Well, inhumanity in Dick’s case.

Before you say he can’t so something that fucking heartless. . .well, if you believe that, you really don’t know dick about Dick.


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[font style="font-size:1.539em; text-transform:uppercase;"]Lawrence Lockman[/font]
[div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Oscar Winner"] [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Misogyny"] [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Just Plain Evil"] [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Dumb"] [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Batshit Crazy"]

How many times will Republicans go to the rape well? Lawrence Lockman of Maine decided to do it and. . .oh, it just doesn’t get more pathetic than saying keeping abortion legal means rape should be legal.

[div class="excerpt" style="background-color:#F4E0E0; border:1px solid #E8C0C0; box-shadow:-1px -1px 3px #C66666 inset; border-radius:0.6em; margin:0.5385em 0em 0em 0.5385em;"]Blogger Mike Tipping dug up several offensive comments made by state Rep. Lawrence Lockman (R-Amherst) from old news reports he posted on the Bangor Daily News website, which has spurred Democratic calls for the lawmaker’s resignation.

It can’t be that bad, Mr. Tipping. He can’t be that offensive.

[div class="excerpt" style="background-color:#F4E0E0; border:1px solid #E8C0C0; box-shadow:-1px -1px 3px #C66666 inset; border-radius:0.6em; margin:0.5385em 0em 0em 0.5385em;"]In one of the quotes posted on the blog, Lockman falsely suggested HIV and AIDS could be spread by bed sheets and Mosquitos, and he also said the progressive movement helped spread the virus by claiming “the practice of sodomy is a legitimate alternative lifestyle, rather than a perverted and depraved crime against humanity.”

Okay, he’s a fucktard. We can all accept that. Homophobic, anti-science, subhuman. . .perfect for the Republican Party. Where are his comments about rape?

[div class="excerpt" style="background-color:#F4E0E0; border:1px solid #E8C0C0; box-shadow:-1px -1px 3px #C66666 inset; border-radius:0.6em; margin:0.5385em 0em 0em 0.5385em;"]“If a woman has (the right to an abortion), why shouldn’t a man be free to use his superior strength to force himself on a woman?” Lockman said. “At least the rapist’s pursuit of sexual freedom doesn’t (in most cases) result in anyone’s death.”

Sexual Freedom? Bend over a chair and let someone forcible cornhole you with something and see how much sexual freedom you have as a rape victim.

Never mind that, Lockman doesn’t understand rape is crime of power and domination and not love and intimacy. What a fucking piece of shit. Resign from office, then go back under the rock from which you crawled.


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[font style="font-size:1.539em; text-transform:uppercase;"]Ted Nugent[/font]
[div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Oscar Winner"] [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Obama Hating"] [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Racism"] [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Misogyny"] [div style="display:inline-block; padding-left:0.3077em;" title="Dumb"]

And finally, this guy needs duct tape around his mouth, and his eyes. . .his hands and maybe his underage girl molesting genitals as well.

Ted “Cat Scratch Fever and nothing else. . .ever” Nugent has apologized to Barack Obama (sort of) for calling him a subhuman mongrel. Now, to up it. . .Obama is Hitler and his administration are Nazis. Oh brother, not this shit again. . .and by shit, I don’t mean what Ted did to get his 4F status to get out of fighting in Viet Nam.

[div class="excerpt" style="background-color:#F4E0E0; border:1px solid #E8C0C0; box-shadow:-1px -1px 3px #C66666 inset; border-radius:0.6em; margin:0.5385em 0em 0em 0.5385em;"]During an interview on Dennis Miller's radio show, Miller took issue with Nugent describing the administration as "jackbooted thugs."

Any proof of that, Ted “Damn Yankees was a bullshit band” Nugent? Or are you talking out of your child molesting ass again?

[div class="excerpt" style="background-color:#F4E0E0; border:1px solid #E8C0C0; box-shadow:-1px -1px 3px #C66666 inset; border-radius:0.6em; margin:0.5385em 0em 0em 0.5385em;"]When Miller pressed him further, Nugent held his ground.

"I just don't agree at all," Nugent said. "There was an incrementalism to what happened in Germany and other places historically, where they came in slowly and they started -- the power struggle between the different races and the power struggle between different elements of society -- and they incrementally work their way in, and I think that's what Obamacare is."

A power struggle between races? Jews are now a race of people? Slavs are a race of people. So, Ted “Shitty Pants” Nugent has decided, all in that empty vaccum he calls a brain that Obama is Hitler, Obamacare is Nazi and there is a massive, anti-American plot to destroy Ted “Child Molester” Nugent’s fantasy world where everyone forgets he made ONE above average song in his life while outliving his shelf life while fucking underage girls and thinks he is the second coming of Gundamentalist Jeebus. Riiiiiiiiiight!

[div class="excerpt" style="background-color:#F4E0E0; border:1px solid #E8C0C0; box-shadow:-1px -1px 3px #C66666 inset; border-radius:0.6em; margin:0.5385em 0em 0em 0.5385em;"]Nugent also likened the IRS scandal to Nazi Germany.

"I really believe that what we see with the IRS can be compared accurately and historically to the early maneuvers of people like jackbooted thugs, like the brownshirts," he said. "I really believe that, and I think you're being too soft on them. ... I think he really wants to destroy America."

I see how it works. If Ted “Motor City Moron” Nugent doesn’t like it, it’s Nazi Germany. Can that work in the opposite? Ted believes in guns so much he shoots them in concert. . .just like Hitler! Ted acts like he cares about people not named Ted Nugent. . .just like Hitler. Ted has facial hair. . .just like Hitler. Ted has a goofy hairdo, just like Hitler! Ted IS HITLER!!!

Yes, it is stupid when the Top Ten does it. . .and it’s just as pointless when Ted does it. Next week, watch him compare evolution to the Holocaust and abortion to slavery. . .two things Ted probably would have supported.

See you next week.

[shenmue]

1. Awesome as usual

Right on target. Thanks for posting.

[southmost]

2. WoW! this one is DAMN good

I appreciate the work put into this one (a lot of work)

many of these idiots are pissing me off

[Nanjing to Seoul]

3. Join the club. In the original, they were just goofy. Now, these idiots are

just scary.

[11 Bravo]

4. Amazing! Your Top Ten lists are one of my favorite things about DU.

A simple "thank you" doesn't seem like it's enough, but I'll say it anyhow. THANK YOU!

[The Wizard]

5. Hitler was a war hero

Nugent is a chicken hawk who wore shit packed pants to avoid military service. Some say Ted is selling naked Jon Benet pictures in public rest rooms.

[Nanjing to Seoul]

17. Still others say he dresses up in leather boy scout outfits and does BDSM with his

underage girls while blowing his cat.

But who am I to judge?

[The Wizard]

18. Very good +10 (NT)

[mtasselin]

6. Thank You

This was great, I am sure you could have easily come up with more, who are the people that vote for some of these assholes?

[Scuba]

7. I'm a big fan of your posts, but have to take exception to the line that ....

Walker is what happens when Democrats get angry because the president didn’t give them 100% of everything they wanted,

Walker rode in on the Tea Party wave, not because Democrats were pouting about the President. He won the recall because his backers bought every newspaper, TV and radio station in the State, spent a zillion bucks convincing the poorly informed that a) Walker was a Saint and b) recalls were a bad idea. This was all completed before our side even picked a candidate.

Worse, our side pushed for an early election (June, 2012) instead of waiting until November to ride in on Obama's coattails )which worked for the very liberal Tammy Baldwin). With 20/20 hindsight, this was a grave error, one which, in my opinion, the "professionals" in charge of the Democratic Party of Wisconsin should have seen coming and avoided.

To say that he won anything because State Democrats were pouting, or purists, or whatever, is just plain wrong.

[L0oniX]

15. Democrats voted for him even though they didn't vote ...see how that works.

When you don't vote then the other side wins ...so you voted for the other side. But lets not blame the repukes for voting in a sociopath ...it's just what they do.

[pangaia]

8. Well, I must say, your research is so thorough and your list

so right on the money that I... CAN'T EVEN READ IT..
It's too depressing.

I tried. I got as far as that heart grubbing monster.
Then..I just couldn't go any farther. I had to stop..

And THAT is a compliment.
This list is one of the best (worst?) ever.....

[erronis]

9. KnR!!

[dembotoz]

10. k and r

[TNNurse]

11. I used to laugh at these.

Now I want to scream, cry and crawl back under the covers. These people are scary, hateful and ignorant about so much.

[meegbear]

12. K&R

[niyad]

13. k and r for a truly wonderful (read: DEPRESSING) list of utter insanity. needed a drink stronger

than my coffee.

[Agschmid]

14. Another good one!

[colsohlibgal]

16. Thanks For Bringing It Back!

I would imagine the hardest part is trimming it down to ten, right wing nut balls all over the place these days.

It just amazes me that really nobody on MSM calls out Cheney, Dubya, Rummy, and Ted for being A-1 Chickenhawks, they did all they could to get out of going out in harms way themselves while having no problem sending others overseas to risk getting blown in ill advised wars.

[pink-o]

19. Bookingmarking for later. n/t

[marble falls]

20. Thanks for you efforts,this has to be a hard column to write on your own!