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Member since: Sat Apr 2, 2005, 02:11 PM
Number of posts: 47,965

Journal Archives

John Oliver Compares IRS Budget Cuts To Zayn Malick Leaving One Direction

He does it again!

Dumb Criminals: Santa Cruz CA Police On The Lookout For "Mrs. Doubtfire" Robbery Suspect

Dubbed “Mrs. Doubtfire” by local authorities, the man is seen in security camera video near the entrance of a Rabo Bank with a purse hanging awkwardly from his left arm, his face partially masked by long, curly, blond bangs swept across his face and glasses.

His hair is a wig and his attire a set of navy blue medical scrubs pulled over a light purple, long sleeve undershirt, police said. He’s described as a dark-skinned man between 25 and 35 years old, weighing between 160 and 170 pounds and about 5 feet, 5 inches tall.

“We believe these are great photos of the suspect and somebody in the community has to recognize this person,” Santa Cruz police said in a statement.

Authorities said that on Friday the “Mrs. Doubtfire” bandit stood inside the Rabo Bank about 2 p.m. until he was confronted by bank employees, then left.


And for the "useless without pics" crowd:

Dumb Criminals: DUI Suspect Drove Home From Court House Drunk After Being Convicted Of DUI

GRAND ISLAND, N.Y. (AP) -- Authorities say a 44-year-old suburban Buffalo man was drunk when he drove away from a courthouse where he had just been convicted of driving while intoxicated.

The Erie County Sheriff's Office says 44-year-old J.B. Silverthorn of Orchard Park was found guilty of a DWI charge Monday night in Grand Island Town Court. Silverthorn was charged after he crashed his car into the Niagara River on Dec. 29. He was rescued by firefighters.

Deputies say Silverthorn was drunk during Monday's court appearance and told not to attempt to drive home.


The look on Larry's face is freaking classic.

Dumb Criminals: Florida (Obviously) Disney World Employee Arrested For Public Masturbation, Porn


A Disney employee was arrested after investigators said he was caught on surveillance video masturbating in a Kissimmee Walmart.

Deputies said Taylor Davis, 20, admitted to the inappropriate behavior after he was caught following a woman around the store while touching himself on Tuesday.

Osceola County deputies said he admitted to having a problem, saying he publicly masturbates at his job.

Davis said while in the store, he was listening to audio pornography on his phone and inappropriately touching himself inside his sweatshirt.


On the plus side, there's a new job opening at Disney World if anyone is interested.

Dumb Criminals: Woman Wearing "Drop A Load" Shirt Accused Of Public Defecation At K-Mart

CALEDONIA — A 49-year-old Racine woman is facing criminal charges after she allegedly left an uncouth surprise for unsuspecting employees Monday at Kmart, 5141 Douglas Ave.

The woman, Melissa A. Jacobson, is accused of sneaking behind a cash register at the store and relieving herself in a box of security tags in the middle of making a return at the store, according to her criminal complaint.

Police were called at about 12:50 p.m. after an unsuspecting employee noticed a “funky” odor around the register and found that a box of 250 security tags nearby reportedly now contained feces and was leaking urine onto a mat underneath the box.

Managers reviewed security footage of the area which captured Jacobson initially enter the store and walk to the customer service desk. However, at about 10:22 a.m., the footage reportedly shows Jacobson walk to the register, loosen her pants and squat down, about a minute later reaching for paper towel, finishing and walking back to customer service. All of this reportedly occurred within sight of the restrooms, according to the complaint.

The security video shows Jacobson completing a return in sight of the bathroom and leaving the store at about 10:41, the complaint states. Employees reported no strange behavior from Jacobson during the return paperwork which allowed them to identify Jacobson.


Dumb Criminals: Texas Man Poses As Cop To Cut In Line At Drive Thru

ODESSA, Texas (AP) — A West Texas man has been charged with impersonating an officer by using sirens and flashing lights to skip to the head of the drive-thru line at a fast-food restaurant.

Odessa police say Michael Chico was arrested after an off-duty officer spotted a truck with law-enforcement trappings. Cpl. Steve LeSueur (luh-SWEER') says Chico's vehicle looked like an unmarked police vehicle.

The officer who saw the truck cut in line Saturday thought the driver, who was wearing a uniform, was a volunteer firefighter and followed Chico to some apartments.


Dumb Criminals: Tresspassing Suspect Leaves Credit Card Using It To Jimmy Garage Door

WEST SUNBURY, Pa. (AP) — State police in Pennsylvania say a trespassing suspect used his own credit card to jimmy open a garage door, then left it behind when the homeowner suddenly appeared and startled him.

The important clue helped police arrest 41-year-old Brent Henry, of East Butler, on Saturday in Clay Township.

Police tell the Butler Eagle (http://bit.ly/19PtgTC) that Henry used the card to pick the lock at a friend's mobile home.

Police say the homeowner heard a noise and caught Henry, who ran away but left the credit card behind.

Police say Henry told them he planned to take some gasoline for another friend's car.


Dumb Criminals: Washington Man Attempts To Use Car Pool Lane With "Most Interesting Man" Cutout

FIFE, Wash. -- Troopers don't always stop people in the HOV lanes, but when they do, they prefer "dos" passengers.

A motorcycle trooper parked along the left shoulder of I-5 South in Fife Monday afternoon spotted a driver and rather unusual "passenger" pass by him in the HOV lane at 70th Avenue East. The trooper pulled the driver over and discovered the "passenger" was none other than a cardboard cutout of the actor who portrays "The Most Interesting Man in the World" in beer advertisements.

Trooper Guy Gill said the driver knew immediately that he was busted, but did say of the cutout: "He's my best friend."

Gill said they see sleeping bags and other props from people trying to cheat the HOV lane, but this was by far the best.


Stay thirsty my friends.

Where the Ted Cruz '16 Logo Really Comes From

Feel free to use and reuse.
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