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Initech

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Top 10 Conservative Idiots #2-4: The Art Of The No Deal Edition (1 year anniversary edition!)


Top 10 Conservative Idiots #2-4: The Art Of The No Deal Edition

Hey everyone! This is officially the one year anniversary of the Top 10! We made it one year!!! Yes an entire year of following Donald Trump around documenting every failure and lie he's told! And I didn't want to throw my computer out the window! Woooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Are you a conservative white male over 50 years old with lots of disposable income who wants to hide the fact that they’re aging very poorly? Or maybe you’re the CEO of a large corporation, speaker of the house, or you’re the future president elect of the United States. Well have no fear, the Bronzer Club for Men is here! For just four payments of $200, you too can look just like former speaker of the House, John Boehner, or the 45th president of the United States, Donald J. Trump. Just slather this giant tub of goo that you will receive weekly with your membership to your face and voila! Youth restored! Just imagine the beautiful young ladies that you will pick up to accelerate the process of divorcing from your third trophy wife! Just a quick phone call will make you look 10, 20, or 30 years younger! It will give you the perfect excuse to use those Viagra single packs that you got from your sketchy online pharmacy in Tijuana that you can use on the cruise to Puerto Vallarta that you just booked, am I right guys? Just call our hotline today at 1-800-FUT-RUMP. That’s 1-800-FUT-RUMP. Remember – Donald Trump isn’t just the founder of the club, he’s also a member! Don’t delay, order today! Ah, that’s enough of that nonsense. Let’s get to it shall we? First though our amazing current VP stopped by Colbert and said he wouldn’t rule out running against Trump in 2020:


Do it Mr. Biden!!!

So where do we begin this week? The top slot this week is not going to go to returning champion Donald J. Trump, but to Alex Jones (1). Yes, Alex Jones knocks Donald Trump out fo the top spot this week. Turns out his fearmongering of the Pizzagate scandal – which has been proven to be fake news – has led to real violence! Holy shit! Of course slots 2 – 4 are going to our returning champion Donald J. Trump. In the second slot we’re going to discuss how he plans to start WWIII by throwing 40 years of diplomatic relations between Taiwan and China down the toilet. In the third slot we’re going to discuss the “deal” reached with Carrier and how he plans to save jobs – by shipping them to Mexico and giving the boss a bribe! In the fourth slot, we’re going to discuss SNL taking their Twitter war with Donald Trump meta. Taking the fifth slot is Breitbart. Last week we talked about how Breitbart lost one of their biggest sponsors – Kelloggs, well cue the world’s tiniest violin because they are hopping mad, and it’s only causing more sponsors to pull out. In the number 6 spot, is the NRA (6). Should we change Black Friday to Red Friday? Because Black Friday sales were lackluster in most areas (partly because people are sick of it), but the one thing people bought more of than any other thing? Guns! In the number 7 seed is Sears. Sears is in deep shit financially thanks to their CEO’s Ayn Randian policies that have tanked the once mighty chain. Yay! At number 8, we are going to talk about the War On Drugs – and the GOP and especially Donald Trump – definitely aren’t helping things. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!!) slot, is the Trump Effect. This time, Trump’s Brown Shirts are taking on the Mall Of America in Minneapolis – for – gasp – a black Santa! The horror! Finally this week we’re going to do something radically different from anything we’ve ever done. You know the holidays are a thing that is happening right now as we speak. What, the non stop barrage of Lexus, Mercedes, Best Buy, and Zales ads haven’t beat you over the head with it already? Well many of you are going to be traveling for the holidays and are probably going to be visiting your ultra conservative relatives. So we’re going to be channeling the “For Dummies” series of books and giving you advice on how to talk to your relatives, in a new segment we are calling “Trump For Dummies!”. Plus since you’re nice for listening to my schtick, we have some live music again for you – and this time how about some live music from Puscifer? They have a great new album out called “Money Shot” that you really should listen to if you get a chance. It’s the stuff of pure genius. And their video for the song they’re going to play – “The Remedy” – has won awards! How about that? And they will be stopping by later! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!


Alex Jones


Ugh… do I really have to talk about Infowars? Shit. No I don’t want to! Make me. I know you are but what am I? Takes one to know one! OK fine. Fuck it. So one of the things that came out of the worst election ever was the fact that more people paid attention to fake news than real news. Like there’s this guy.

Social media played a huge role in this year's election. Our president-elect Donald Trump is notorious for his use of Twitter, and some of his biggest supporters are now being suspended from the social media platform because of hate speech. Facebook also had a big impact on the election: in the last three months of the election, fake news had more engagement on Facebook than real news. Trump benefited from many of those fake news stories, like one claiming Pope Francis endorsed Trump. (Here's a list of sources that you should be skeptical of.) Now, even the people who write the fake news admit, "I think Donald Trump is in the White House because of me."
http://www.complex.com/life/2016/11/fake-news-writer-says-he-helped-trump-win-election


Great! I have just one thing to say to you, if WWIII is the work of Donald Trump, and judging from his misadventures in diplomacy this week, it sounds like it’s inevitable at this point. So that’s on you. And I have one thing to say:



You know who else isn’t helping? Alex Jones. You may have heard about a “scandal” brewing called Pizzagate. Now the jist of it is that allegedly Hillary Clinton and her campaign manager John Podesta allowed a pizza restaurant in Washington DC called Comet Ping Pong to run a child sex ring underneath the restaurant. Except that it has been proven to be not true. And these poor people have been subjected to endless harassment from alt reichers. And Alex Jones wont shut up about it.



And yesterday the second shooting happened under Alex Jones’ name (the first was the Las Vegas cop shooting back in 2015 started by Infowars fans). This guy is going to start a fucking war if we’re not careful.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A man fired a rifle on Sunday inside a Washington pizza restaurant that has been subjected to harassment based on false stories tying it to child abuse, the police said. No one was hurt, and the man was arrested.

The man, Edgar M. Welch, 28, of Salisbury, N.C., told the police that he had come to the restaurant, Comet Ping Pong, in northwest Washington, to “self-investigate” what is being called Pizzagate, an online conspiracy theory asserting, with no evidence, that the restaurant is somehow tied to a child abuse ring. He entered the restaurant shortly before 3 p.m. with a rifle and fired it at least once inside, the police said.
...
The misinformation campaign about Comet began when the email account of John D. Podesta, an aide to Hillary Clinton, was hacked and his emails were published by WikiLeaks during the presidential campaign. Days before the election, users on the online message board 4chan noticed that one of Mr. Podesta’s leaked emails contained communications with James Alefantis, Comet’s owner, discussing a fund-raiser for Mrs. Clinton.
http://mobile.nytimes.com/2016/12/05/us/pizzagate-comet-ping-pong-edgar-maddison-welch.html




So to extrapolate the “logic” of Infowars fans, because Hillary Clinton had planned a fundraiser at this pizza place, it’s all of a sudden the center of a child molestation investigation confrontation? Well it isn’t true. There’s nothing funny about that, and there’s nothing funny about the endless harassment going to the owner and employees of Comet Ping Pong coming from Infowars fans. And of course since the actual violence happened, Alex Jones isn’t helping things. Here’s what the bloviating asshole had to say before the shooting happened.

At midnight last night, Alex Jones posted a special message on his Facebook page about “Pizzagate,” the bizarre conspiracy theory popularized by fake news websites and right-wing conspiracy outlets—including Jones’s InfoWars—that a Washington, D.C., pizzeria houses a secret pedophile ring led by Hillary Clinton and her closest advisers.

While Jones did not mention it in his video, an armed man was arrested yesterday after entering and firing shots inside the restaurant, claiming he was there to “self-investigate” the Pizzagate claims. The restaurant and nearby businesses have faced harassment and threats for weeks as false claims have spread through the far-right news swamp that the restaurant hosts an underground tunnel network where the rich and powerful abuse and traffic children.

During the presidential campaign, Donald Trump surrogate Michael Flynn—now the president-elect’s pick to be national security adviser—shared a fake news website’s sorry that claimed that Clinton was part of a pedophile network. Flynn’s son, who is involved with Trump’s transition team, continued to promote Pizzagate claims on the day of the incident.

In the video he posted last night, Jones, standing next to a Christmas tree, criticized CNN and other major news outlets, insisting that they are the real purveyors of fake news while InfoWars and other Pizzagate investigators are merely trying to uncover the truth.

Jones claimed that a number of political figures, including President Obama and Hillary Clinton’s campaign chairman John Podesta, participate in child sex acts, a conclusion that Jones arrived at after he uncovered supposed pedophile code words in emails from Podesta that were released by WikiLeaks. He claimed that elites have parties “where they’re drinking blood and they bring little kids to the party—I don’t know if it’s human sacrifice but they have little kids at these parties.”
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/alex-jones-defends-pizzagate-truthers-after-conspiracy-theory-leads-to-armed-attack/


Yes there is video of this. Unfortunately I couldn’t find a link it’s probably been taken down from Youtube (seriously fuck Alex Jones). But it definitely isn’t helping that the son of the guy who Trump picked to be National Security Adviser fucked up and passed this crap around Twitter:

The son of retired Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn, President-elect Donald Trump's pick for national security adviser, on Sunday appeared to spread a conspiracy theory that Hillary Clinton and her campaign chief ran a child-sex ring in a back room of a D.C. pizza shop.

Michael Flynn Jr. on Sunday tweeted about the false story after an armed man entered Comet Ping Pong in Northwest D.C. and claimed to be investigating the story.

Until #Pizzagate proven to be false, it'll remain a story," Flynn Jr. tweeted on Sunday.

"The left seems to forget #PodestaEmails and the many coincidences tied to it, he added.

Read more: http://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/308723-flynns-son-spreads-conspiracy-theory-about-dc-pizza-shop




You know what’s underneath the Comet Ping Pong restaurant? A fucking sewer! And the alt reich is in it!!!!! Really how fucking stupid are you? Oh yeah they think “ice cream” is code for “male prostitute”!!!!! Ah, the stupid it burns!!!

The Internet Idiot ConspiracySphere and real life collided Sunday, this time resulting in actual gunfire, but happily no injuries or loss of life. Seems a heavily armed North Carolina gentleman, Edgar Maddison Welch, just had to find out for himself whether there was any truth to fake internet stories about a child sex ring being run by Hillary Clinton, John Podesta, and several thousand others, all operating out of a Washington DC pizza place, Comet Ping Pong. So he did the logically natural thing: He drove to DC, went into the restaurant with two guns, pointed a gun at an employee, fired at least one shot into the floor, and after employees and customers fled, commenced to “investigate” whether there was any pedophile slave ring evidence to be found in the restaurant. You know, like the network of tunnels and sex dungeons under the restaurant that a bunch of Trumpers, with an assist from Wikileaks, said was definitely there. You really can’t blame the guy. He read it on the internet, after all.

Welch was arrested without further incident after scaring the shit out of several blocks of northwest DC, after police had surrounded the restaurant for about 45 minutes. According to police reports, Welch was armed with an AR-15 variant semiautomatic rifle, and police also seized a shotgun and a .38 caliber handgun; one of those other weapons was found in Welch’s car, although it’s not clear which. Welch told police he’d gone to Comet Ping Pong to “self-investigate” the online fake news stories about the incredibly stupid conspiracy theory known as “#pizzagate,” the basics of which are summarized with remarkable patience by the BBC here. Despite the lack of any police investigation, identifiable victims, or physical evidence, a whole swath of the internet is absolutely certain there’s irrefutable proof that a pedophile ring run by Hillary Clinton and John Podesta has been running out of the popular family pizza restaurant. Why? Because Wikileaks published some emails by Podesta mentioning pizza, the restaurant, and its owner, James Alefantis. Obviously, a high-powered Democratic operative like Podesta would never simply hold fundraisers at a pizza restaurant or be in contact with its owner, who’s a big supporter of the Democratic party, so it all added up to one completely obvious conclusion: every mention of “pizza” in the Podesta emails was code for child molestation and trafficking. There’s even this irrefutable proof: some idiot posted a list of “well-known pedophile code words” on Twitter:

http://wonkette.com/609076/citizen-shoots-up-dc-pizza-place-to-investigate-hillary-clintons-child-sex-ring-as-one-does#PQi2PBSQT8QM1ykk.99


Yeah so the Pizzagate gunman was a fan of Infowars and Alex Jones:

The real-life consequences of a made-up conspiracy theory swirling around a popular D.C. pizzeria became all too real when a gunman walked into the venue Sunday afternoon.

During the presidential campaign, some elements of the alt-right began fueling the conspiracy that Comet Ping Pong was in fact the site of a pedophilia ring used by high-ranking members of the Democratic Party, dubbing that supposed conspiracy “Pizzagate.”

The D.C. Police Department arrested 28-year-old Edgar Maddison Welch of Salisbury, North Carolina, outside the kid-friendly pizza and music venue. Witnesses say that Welch went through the restaurant carrying an AR-15 and tried to enter a staff area in the back of the building. He reportedly fired multiple shots inside, though no one was injured. He reportedly told the police that he’d come to “self-investigate ‘Pizza Gate,” which the department noted is “a fictitious online conspiracy theory.”
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/12/04/fake-news-delivers-real-gunman-to-pizzeria-caught-up-in-alt-right-fake-news.html





Donald Trump


If you haven’t seen the current season of South Park, you must. It takes on Twitter trolling and Donald Trump:



Let’s lighten things up and talk about WWIII, shall we? Do I dare ask for some appropriate music?



Thank you!!!!!

Well it’s the end of the world as we know it folks, and I feel fine. Well REM’s song was only 25 years too early. Because the man who will most likely be responsible for the end of the world is none other than our actual future president Donald J. Trump. So before we dive into this head first, you are aware that Taiwan has been in a diplomatic feud with China over its’ independence and control of the South China Sea, right? Plus we have some long standing diplomatic ties to China. So here’s how Donald J. Trump is involved in this whole thing.

When President-elect Donald J. Trump spoke on the phone with Taiwan’s president on Friday, he was wading into one of Asia’s longest-running and sensitive issues: the dispute between Taiwan and mainland China.

Though the call alarmed experts, who say it risks upending decades of American efforts to manage the dispute, nonexperts could be forgiven for scratching their heads about the uproar. What follows, then, is a guide to the China-Taiwan issue: why it is so delicate, what role the United States has in the matter and why the phone call is significant.
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/12/03/world/asia/trump-taiwan-and-china-the-controversy-explained.html?_r=0




Whoa let’s stop there. Yeah you are wrong there, Donald. So what is the whole controversy between Taiwan and China?

What is the China-Taiwan issue?

Both players claimed, at least formally, to represent all of China — which they considered to include each other’s territory. That created problems, including periodic risks of war, for decades.

The disagreement dates to 1927, when civil war broke out in the Republic of China. The war culminated in Communist revolutionaries, led by Mao Zedong, mostly defeating China’s Nationalist government in 1949.

But the Nationalist leaders fled to Taiwan, which their forces still controlled. Though fighting eventually stopped, both sides continued to claim all of China. The Taiwan-based government considered mainland China to be controlled by illegitimate Communist rebels. The Beijing-based government considered Taiwan a breakaway province.

In this sense, the civil war was never fully resolved. Thus, Taiwan’s formal name is still the Republic of China. Mainland China — controlled by the Communist government in Beijing — is called the People’s Republic of China.




That’s not wrong Donald, that’s exactly what happened. So why does this phone call matter?

Why does the phone call matter?

The call does not in itself change policy, but it implies the possibility of a shift, forcing both China and Taiwan to guess at Mr. Trump’s intentions.

Mr. Trump’s transition team, by categorizing his call with Ms. Tsai of Taiwan alongside calls with other heads of state, implied that Mr. Trump recognized her as the leader of a sovereign state. Mr. Trump also wrote on Twitter that he had spoken to the “President of Taiwan.”

Recognizing Ms. Tsai as a sovereign leader would communicate that the United States considered Taiwan an independent nation.

Such a position would force both Taiwan and Beijing into a difficult choice. Either ignore American policy on the issue — perhaps ending the decades-long American role in balancing cross-strait relations — or confront Taiwanese independence, which Beijing has said would provoke war.




Holy fucking shit! So with one phone call, Donald Trump may have escalated 40 years of diplomatic tensions! By the way, does it seem odd to anyone else that all the world’s problems seem to have started around oh 1980? Maybe Reagan’s election was the nexus of the universe! Of course I’m surprised we didn’t see time travelers on election night. But there’s more!

BEIJING — China warned President-elect Donald J. Trump on Monday that he was risking a confrontation over Taiwan, even as Mr. Trump broadened the dispute with new messages on Twitter challenging Beijing’s trade policies and military activities in the South China Sea.

A front-page editorial in the overseas edition of People’s Daily, the official organ of the Communist Party of China, denounced Mr. Trump for speaking Friday with Taiwan’s president, Tsai Ing-wen, warning that “creating troubles for the China-U.S. relationship is creating troubles for the U.S. itself.” The rebuke was much tougher than the Chinese Foreign Ministry’s initial response to the phone call, which broke with decades of American diplomatic practice.
www.nytimes.com/2016/12/05/world/asia/china-donald-trump-taiwan-twitter.html




So Beijing has told Donald Trump that he’s treading on extremely thin ice here! So he might be the catalyst for World War III after all! He’s already nominated the other three horsemen – Bannon, Sessions, and DeVos to his cabinet! So what else is coming because of this?

Either Donald Trump misled all of us about his conversation with Taiwan's leader, or his team is trying to rewrite history so the whole thing doesn't come off as a giant diplomatic blunder.

In today's Washington Post, Anne Gearan, Philip Rucker and Simon Denyer cite inside sources who say the call was months in the making and intentionally provocative in regard to China.

That was apparently news to Trump, who on Friday night, as the controversy erupted, dismissively tweeted as if it were a small matter in which Taiwanese President Tsai Ing-wen phoned him to offer her congratulations, and he took the call as a courtesy.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2016/12/05/trumps-team-is-trying-to-have-it-both-ways-on-its-taiwan-controversy/?utm_term=.16a1fca74708


So of course Trump retreats to his old friend Twitter for some angry 3:00 AM toilet Tweets. Like these:




Those are the actual Tweets. Of course making ones up is my job, damn it!



And apparently this whole thing has been planned for a long time:

Donald Trump’s protocol-breaking telephone call with Taiwan’s leader was an intentionally provocative move that establishes the incoming president as a break with the past, according to interviews with people involved in the planning.

The historic communication — the first between leaders of the United States and Taiwan since 1979 — was the product of months of quiet preparations and deliberations among Trump’s advisers about a new strategy for engagement with Taiwan that began even before he became the Republican presidential nominee, according to people involved in or briefed on the talks.

The call also reflects the views of hard-line advisers urging Trump to take a tough opening line with China, said others familiar with the months of discussion about Taiwan and China.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/trumps-taiwan-phone-call-was-weeks-in-the-planning-say-people-who-were-involved/2016/12/04/f8be4b0c-ba4e-11e6-94ac-3d324840106c_story.html?utm_term=.d3e27a9e9699


Which prompted the White House to do some major damage control:

White House officials say they have spoken with Chinese leadership following President-elect Donald Trump's call with Taiwan President Tsai Ing-wen.

Federal officials called to reassure the country that the US still adheres to the "One China" policy, which does not recognise Taiwan as its own sovereign nation.

White House spokesperson Josh Earnest said officials "do not understand why" Mr Trump's conversation with Taiwanese leader took place, but assured reporters that there would be no change in the official US position on the policy.
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-china-relations-taiwan-donald-trump-call-white-house-statement-a7457481.html





Donald Trump




That was so brilliant. So the art of the deal… or in this case the Art Of The No Deal. As in what Donald Trump did to the Carrier Air Conditioning manufacturing company based in Indiana. So here’s what happened:

About 1,400 Indianapolis workers who've spent months grieving the impending loss of of their high-wage manufacturing jobs received a shocking dose of hope Tuesday as the incoming Trump administration scored its first major victory.

Their jobs might be saved.

Carrier Corp. has reached an agreement with President-elect Donald Trump to keep "close to 1,000 jobs" in the city, scrapping a plan to shift all of its Indianapolis operations to Mexico. The heating and air conditioning giant confirmed the agreement on Twitter, but did not provide details
http://www.indystar.com/story/money/2016/11/29/reports-trump-announce-deal-keep-carrier-jobs--state/94637112/


Except it didn’t.



Today, about 1,000 Carrier workers and their families should be rejoicing. But the rest of our nation’s workers should be very nervous.

President-elect Donald Trump will reportedly announce a deal with United Technologies, the corporation that owns Carrier, that keeps less than 1,000 of the 2,100 jobs in America that were previously scheduled to be transferred to Mexico. Let’s be clear: It is not good enough to save some of these jobs. Trump made a promise that he would save all of these jobs, and we cannot rest until an ironclad contract is signed to ensure that all of these workers are able to continue working in Indiana without having their pay or benefits slashed.

In exchange for allowing United Technologies to continue to offshore more than 1,000 jobs, Trump will reportedly give the company tax and regulatory favors that the corporation has sought. Just a short few months ago, Trump was pledging to force United Technologies to “pay a damn tax.” He was insisting on very steep tariffs for companies like Carrier that left the United States and wanted to sell their foreign-made products back in the United States. Instead of a damn tax, the company will be rewarded with a damn tax cut. Wow! How’s that for standing up to corporate greed? How’s that for punishing corporations that shut down in the United States and move abroad?
https://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2016/12/01/bernie-sanders-carrier-just-showed-corporations-how-to-beat-donald-trump/?utm_term=.e65ef7907e73




I like that one! Yes so if we extrapolate Donald Trump’s logic, he saved 1400 jobs that United Technologies, a company he personally owns stock in, from going to Mexico – a country that he plans to build a wall around, by negotiating the number down to 1200. Those jobs are still gone. And Carrier gets some nice tax breaks out of it.

Donald Trump just got his first presidential P.R. coup, and he hasn’t even taken office yet. The question is what did he have to offer. More importantly: Was it worth it?

The President-elect announced via Twitter that he and Vice-president elect, and current Indiana Governor, Mike Pence, had reached a deal with air-condition and heating systems manufacturer Carrier to keep roughly 1,000 high-paying manufacturing jobs plus office workers and executive jobs in the state. “Big day on Thursday for Indiana and the great workers of that wonderful state,” Trump wrote on Twitter. “We will keep our companies and jobs in the U.S. Thanks Carrier.”
http://fortune.com/2016/11/30/trump-carrier/




And here’s where things get really scary – this was no victory. Instead I believe the technical term that we’re looking for is “clusterfuck”.

President-elect Donald Trump's speech about his deal to keep Carrier jobs in the United States was "absolutely the worst speech," economic policy analyst Jimmy Pethokoukis told CNBC on Thursday.

Trump boasted about his deal to keep about 1,100 Carrier jobs in Indiana, and also took aim at other companies who may be thinking about moving jobs out of the country.

"Companies are not going to leave the United States anymore without consequences. Not going to happen. It's not going to happen, I'll tell you right now," Trump said on Thursday.

Pethokoukis, a scholar with the conservative-leaning American Enterprise Institute, called it the worst economic speech since Democratic presidential nominee Walter Mondale promised to reverse Reaganomics in 1984.
http://www.cnbc.com/2016/12/01/trumps-carrier-speech-absolutely-chilling-economic-analyst-says.html





Donald Trump


So what does Donald Trump do at 11:30 on a Saturday night? I’m guessing he is not attending the Green Day concert and going on an all night bender followed by a 3:00 AM quickie in an alley way by the concert venue. And no that’s not how I spent my night at that show! No, he’s a family man, and is probably watching TV on the couch. And if he hates the show that much, you know Donald, there’s a whole world of TV out there! Oh wait, he must have a DVR alert for shows about him, which might explain why he hates Alec Baldwin so much. Let’s roll tape first.



So what did Trump himself have to say about this?

The feud between Donald J. Trump and “Saturday Night Live” reached a new metalevel when the president-elect responded on Twitter to the show’s mockery of his reckless tweeting.

The show’s cold open on Saturday depicted Mr. Trump (portrayed by Alec Baldwin, as usual) retweeting various people while in a security briefing. As Mr. Trump fawns over the Twitter bio of a 16-year-old named Seth and retweets him, Kate McKinnon (playing Kellyanne Conway) breaks the fourth wall to look directly into the camera and address the audience: “He really did do this.”

Ms. McKinnon’s Conway tries to explain Mr. Trump’s penchant for tweeting: “He does it to distract the media from his business conflicts and all of the very scary people in his cabinet.” But Mr. Baldwin’s Trump has another reason: “I do it because my brain is bad.”
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/12/04/arts/television/saturday-night-live-and-trump-spar-once-again.html


Let’s throw that Tweet up there shall we?



Yes that’s the actual Tweet. Now let’s throw up Mr. Baldwin’s response, shall we?




JUST IN: Baldwin offers to stop 'SNL' impersonation if Trump releases taxes http://hill.cm/sre5WED

Alec Baldwin is offering to end his impersonation of Donald Trump on “Saturday Night Live” if the president-elect releases his tax returns.

The actor’s tweet came early Sunday in response to one from Trump, who said Baldwin’s impersonation “just can’t get any worse




No it’s not wrong. That’s exactly what happened. And in fact Trump got even further beat down by another activist on Twitter:

When, in fact, it was actually very funny – and got a lot of fanfare for making fun of Donald Trump’s tweets, no less! Pretty ironic that he angrily tweeted about a show making fun of his tweets!

Well – with that said – one woman by the name of Danielle Muscato ended up going off on Donald Trump in his twitter feed in response to this latest outburst of his.

It was such a glorious beat down – that we had to write about it and share with you.

Her message was instantly received by thousands and rose to the top of the Twitter feed for all to see. No doubt, by the time this article is received – hundreds of thousands of people will be receiving her message – and they should. It’s worth every bit of your time to read.

Danielle Muscato just said what half of America has been thinking for months now.
http://news.groopspeak.com/a-woman-just-stood-up-to-trumps-latest-outburst-on-twitter-and-america-is-cheering-her-on/




And in case you were wondering what the official position from Team Trump is, look no further than his campaign manager:

Former Trump campaign manager Kellyanne Conway recently declared on CNN that Donald Trump’s election win meant that his behavior on Twitter was automatically “presidential.”

During a forum at the Harvard Kennedy School’s Institute of Politics last week, a student questioned Trump’s use of Twitter as a communications strategy. In recent tweets, Trump made false claims about election fraud, attacked reporters and complained about his portrayal on Saturday Night Live.

“I will tell you that the president-elect looks at his social media accounts — combined 25 million, probably more at this point, users on Twitter and Facebook — as a very good platform which to convey his messages,” Conway explained. “He’s a unique person who’s been following his instincts and his judgement from the beginning.”
https://www.rawstory.com/2016/12/audience-gasps-at-kellyanne-conways-absurd-claim-trump-won-ergo-his-tweets-are-presidential/





Breitbart


So if you’ve been paying attention, you know last week we talked about how Kellogg’s and other advertisers are pulling their sponsorship of Breitbart. You know Breitbart – that internet site that is the internet site of racist uncles everywhere. So Kellogg’s, as they say drew first blood. And now Breitbart is going off the rails at Kellogg’s.

Breitbart News is going to war with Kellogg's after the cereal maker decided to pull its advertisements from the far-right news site in protest of its political views.

Describing Kellogg's decision as an insult to what it claims are 45 million monthly readers, Breitbart launched a petition Wednesday afternoon aimed at encouraging readers to stop buying all Kellogg products, including Frosted Flakes, Pringles and Eggo waffles.

"For Kellogg's, an American brand, to blacklist Breitbart News in order to placate left-wing totalitarians is a disgraceful act of cowardice," Alex Marlow, the site's editor-in-chief, wrote. "Boycotting Breitbart News for presenting mainstream American ideas is an act of discrimination and intense prejudice. If you serve Kellogg's products to your family, you are serving up bigotry at your breakfast table."
http://money.cnn.com/2016/11/30/media/breitbart-kellogg-war/


Who does Brietbart think they are? Rambo? THEY DREW FIRST BLOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Actually, they’re just a bunch of losers. 85 million losers, as their site claims their readership is. Might want to get out the Sad Hulk Music. And the world’s tiniest violin.




Breitbart News, an ultraconservative website that has served as a platform for the white nationalist “alt-right” movement, is touting its growing readership and “main street American values” as a reason advertisers should stick with it.

Some marketers, however, are heading for the exits, directing their advertising dollars away from Breitbart amid the publication’s call for a boycott against Kellogg’s (K), which has pulled its ads from the site. That prompted Breitbart to declare “war” on Kellogg’s: Editor-in-Chief Alexander Marlow said on the site that “to blacklist Breitbart News in order to placate left-wing totalitarians is a disgraceful act of cowardice.”

Breitbart’s campaign against Kellogg’s is unusual on a number of fronts, not in the least because news organizations traditionally maintain a separation between their business operations and their editors and reporters so that journalists can operate independently from business interests.
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/as-breitbart-wages-war-on-kelloggs-advertisers-flee/





I like that one! But in case you’re wondering where this is going, what the possible legal ramifications of this are, well here’s what an actual 1st Amendment lawyer says regarding this issue:

A boycott may have a negligible impact on Kellogg’s sales, but some legal experts say Breitbart’s actions put it on sketchy legal ground.

There have been other boycotts called for by both pro- and anti-Trump supporters. But Ted Boutrous, a First Amendment lawyer at Gibson, Dunn & Crutcher in Los Angeles, said Breitbart’s actions could violate laws barring unfair business practices because it’s calling for a massive group boycott of an advertiser to further its competitive position.

He said a possible precedent is a case where a group of attorneys representing poor defendants boycotted for higher pay, and the Supreme Court held their action to be price fixing.

“It’s clearly intended to deter other advertisers from withdrawing their business and to ensure costs and prices don’t go down for Breitbart,” Boutrous said of the boycott. “It’s a serious issue to boycott in the commercial sphere.” Neither Breitbart nor Kellogg’s have replied to requests for comment.
http://digiday.com/brands/breitbarts-war-kelloggs-raises-legal-questions/


You know Breitbart, when you’re in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging!!!!



Ooh, I like that one!


The NRA


So going back to the first entry this week, never mind that a gun nut shot up the Comet Ping Pong pizza parlor in Washington DC based on a bullshit, non existent conspiracy theory that has no basis in reality and has been proven false by Snopes:

magery widely believed to be code for pedophiles to signal one another was a common theme in the myriad Pizzagate theories. Purported symbols such as butterflies and spirals were increasingly spotted in unrelated places, creating the impression that conspiracy was as vast as it was nebulous.
(As we have noted in the past, fear of "pedophile code" imagery is occasionally the basis for panic, but law enforcement officials believed that the symbols themselves are used among adults to signal preferences, not as labels for children, not as markers placing them in any danger.)
On 6 November 2016, Washington City Paper summarized the claims, noting that the rumors originated with long-circulating claims about Bill Clinton and Jeffrey Epstein, and confirming Alefantis' link to Brock:
http://www.snopes.com/pizzagate-conspiracy/




Finally! That one is wrong! And you know how the fuck do the people “investigating” Pizzagate know these things? Who the fuck knows what code words pedophiles use? I don’t! And if you know and you continue to post these things out in the open, you probably should be investigated by the FBI! Thank you very much! But I’m getting carried away here. You know Black Friday is a thing that happened this year and you know what happened? This:

At least six people were shot across the country during Black Friday sales, including a Walmart customer who died in a fight over a parking space.

Four separate shootings — at a New Jersey Macy’s, two Tennessee malls and a Nevada Walmart — killed two people and wounded four more. All the attacks happened outside of the stores as holiday shoppers inside loaded up on door busters and deals.

Demond Cottman, 20, was shot and killed around 1 a.m. in front of a mall in Mays Landing, CBS Philadelphia reported.
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/shoppers-nevada-new-jersey-killed-black-friday-article-1.2887072




Maybe we should start calling it “Red Friday”. It seems no one wants to go to the malls or camp out at Wal-Mart despite that they air ads like this:



But you know what people bought more of anything on Black Friday? Be afraid, be very afraid, folks!

Black Friday, a day of commercial consumerism. The lines are wrapped around the buildings waiting for the deals of a lifetime. While you might think most consumers are out there waiting for the latest new toy or the biggest TV, many buyers on Black Friday are buying something totally different.

Black Friday is apparently the day to buy guns. Lots of guns!

According to the FBI spokesman Stephen Fischer, Black Friday shattered the single-day record for gun sales – with 185,713 background checks processed in a 24 hour period. Fischer told Business Insider that nearly 400 more transactions were processed on Black Friday than in 2015.

Black Friday has predominately been the biggest day of the year for gun sales. Buyers can’t resist the temptation of the deep discounts. Gun ownership still remains a hot topic politically. While many breathed a sigh of relief that a Democrat will not be in the White House, many remain concerned about the potential loss of their Second Amendment rights.

As expected, gun sales skyrocket whenever Washington takes an anti-gun approach or states propose a law to make it harder for gun owners to purchase.
http://tribunist.com/news/americans-bought-enough-guns-on-black-friday-to-arm-the-marine-corps/





Sears




John Oliver does it much better than we do! But seriously – Ayn Rand – how is this still a thing in 2016?? Well we know Paul Ryan is a huge Ayn Rand fan – and that should be pretty obvious! But also how is this still a thing – Sears? I thought they went out of business a long time ago. But they’re still around and very slowly tanking. Here’s what happened:

The company is shutting down dozens of Kmart stores this month and two of its highest-ranking executives left this week in the midst of the key holiday shopping season.

This comes following speculation among Sears and Kmart employees, suppliers, and several banks that the retailer will soon go bankrupt — something Sears has repeatedly dismissed.

Jeff Balagna, formerly Sears' executive vice president, left the company Wednesday, "in order to focus on his other business interests and pursue other career opportunities," Sears said in an SEC filing dated November 23.

Balagna did not respond to a request for comment. Sears declined to comment beyond what was stated in the filing.

Sears President and Chief Member Officer Joelle Maher also left the company this week, Sears confirmed to Business Insider. The company declined to give a reason for her departure.

The timing of the departures — so close to Sears' upcoming third-quarter earnings report and in the middle of the holiday season — is "highly unusual," according to Mark Cohen, director of retail studies at Columbia Business School and the former CEO of Sears Canada.

http://www.businessinsider.com/sears-problems-loom-large-2016-12


This sounds like another classic Borders or Tower Records – take the money and run!




And here’s where Ayn Rand comes into play. If you guessed that this backfired on Sears’ CEO, you are correct sir / madam! You get points!

In July 2016 he held 28% of shares in Sears Holdings Corp worth of approximately $408 million.

...

Lampert is an avid follower of Ayn Rand and has used elements of Rand's philosophy to guide his business decisions.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_Lampert


Which really sucks. You know Sears has always been dedicated to American manufacturing which is why their Craftsman line was always popular with machinests and construction workers and home improvement enthusiasts (hear that, Trump?), and it does kind of suck that they’re going under at the hands of an asshole.

http://www.foxbusiness.com/markets/2016/08/25/sears-puts-kenmore-craftsman-up-for-grabs.html

Matthew Rocco Published August 25, 2016 Retail FOXBusiness

Sears Holdings (SHLD), which booked another loss in the second quarter, has received interest from a variety of companies eyeing the floundering retailer’s familiar appliance, tool and auto brands.

The Illinois-based company has grappled with challenges at Sears and Kmart, two chains that struggling to turn things around in a tough environment for retailers. Target (TGT), Kohl’s (KSS) and others have recently reported weaker sales as shoppers spend more online. Sears is facing some broader issues. The company has posted red ink for the last six fiscal years, and 78 additional Sears and Kmart stores will be closed by the end of the summer.

In May, Sears announced plans to seek out buyers or partners for its Kenmore, Craftsman and DieHard brands, hoping to unlock the value of three brands that are well-known in their respective categories. The company provided an update on Thursday, saying it continues to explore strategic alternatives for the brands—housed under a division known as KCD—and Sears Home Services. Sears is considering “potential partnerships or other transactions that could expand distribution of our brands and service offerings to realize significant growth,” the company said in a statement.

So far, Sears has heard from domestic and international retailers, original equipment manufacturers, investors and other firms. Sears expects to continue its assessment over the next few months.





The War On Drugs


Marijuana. That thing that keeps Cypress Hill employed.









I kid, I kid. But just when you think we’re making strides toward legalization with nearly 8 states approving the use of legalized weed, along comes Donald Trump and appoints this guy as his new Attorney General, who promises to roll back decades of marijuana progress.

Jeff Sessions’ Coming War on Legal Marijuana
There’s little to stop the attorney general nominee from ignoring the will of millions of pro-pot voters.
By JAMES HIGDON December 05, 2016

By nominating Senator Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III for attorney general, President-elect Donald J. Trump is about to put into the nation’s top law enforcement job a man with a long and antagonistic attitude toward marijuana. As a U.S. Attorney in Alabama in the 1980s, Sessions said he thought the KKK "were OK until I found out they smoked pot.”

In April, he said, “Good people don't smoke marijuana,” and that it was a "very real danger" that is “not the kind of thing that ought to be legalized.” Sessions, who turns 70 on Christmas Eve, has called marijuana reform a "tragic mistake" and criticized FBI Director James Comey and Attorneys General Eric Holder and Loretta Lynch for not vigorously enforcing a the federal prohibition that President Obama has called “untenable over the long term.”

In a floor speech earlier this year, Senator Sessions said: "You can’t have the President of the United States of America talking about marijuana like it is no different than taking a drink… It is different….It is already causing a disturbance in the states that have made it legal.”
http://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2016/12/jeff-sessions-coming-war-on-legal-marijuana-214501




Holy fucking shit! Wait let’s extrapolate this for a minute. So Jeff Sessions is against marijuana because he found out that the KKK smokes pot. Maybe you’re unaware of this, Jeff, but your new boss got elected with overwhelming support from white supremacists, hardcore racists, the KKK, neo Nazis, and racist uncles everywhere. I mean even the next entry we are going to get into discusses this. But here’s where Donald Trump isn’t helping things:

(CNN)President-elect Donald Trump told Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte that he is going about his controversial fight against drugs "the right way," Duterte said.
Duterte says he was greatly pleased with the "rapport" he had with the newly elected U.S. president..

Duterte made the comments to reporters in Davao City on Saturday after a brief phone call last night with President-elect Donald Trump. Government officials earlier passed along snippets of their conversation.
"He was quite sensitive to our war on drugs and he wishes me well in my campaign and said that we are doing, as he so put it, 'the right way,' " the President said.
http://www.cnn.com/2016/12/03/politics/trump-duterte-phone-call/index.html




So how did the Philippenes deal with this? Yeah they pretty much murder anyone who they suspect might be a drug dealer:

When I visited Chief Inspector Paulito Sabulao in September, he was getting heat from his boss — who was getting heat from his bosses — about why Sabulao's men hadn't killed any drug suspects in the two months since the drug war began.

Sabulao is not in trouble anymore.

"We've recorded 12 dead," he says, with dozens more arrested. In one of the most recent encounters, Sabulao had a close call when a suspect fired at him with a .38 caliber revolver.

His vest saved him, Sabulao says, unbuttoning his shirt to show me the bruise. One of his men was wounded in the shoulder.

"Did you shoot the guy who shot you?" I ask.

"Twice," Sabulao says with a laugh. "I shot him until he was down."
http://www.npr.org/sections/parallels/2016/11/28/503579840/in-philippines-drug-war-death-toll-rises-and-so-do-concerns-about-tactics


Nothing funny about that. But there is some breaking news that I can make fun of!



There's a shake-up at Gurney Productions, the company behind A&E's Duck Dynasty.

Scott and Deirdre Gurney — the founders of the reality TV production company which in 2012 was purchased by ITV for $40 million — have been temporarily suspended amid an internal fraud investigation, The Hollywood Reporter has learned.

Staff at Gurney Productions were told Monday afternoon that the Gurneys have been placed on a short-term leave of absence amid the internal probe. No charges have been filed. Sources tell THR the investigation concerns potential billing irregularities associated with Gurney programs.

In the interim, ITV has tapped 5x5 Media co-founder Craig Armstrong to serve as interim CEO of Gurney Productions. ITV America COO Chris Valentini also will help oversee Gurney Productions alongside Armstrong. Armstrong will continue to oversee unscripted producers 5x5, where it remains business as usual.
http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/live-feed/duck-dynasty-producers-leave-at-itv-fraud-investigation-953092


http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/live-feed/duck-dynasty-producers-leave-at-itv-fraud-investigation-953092




The Trump Effect


So we here at the Top 10 are going to say goodbye. Hey, wait, you didn’t let me finish. We’re going to say goodbye to a long standing policy on this show of using the number 9 (NEIN!!!!!) slot to call out white supremacists and white supremacy. Because the election of Donald Trump, white supremacists are coming out of the woodwork. They’re everywhere, folks! White supremacy is now mainstream! Emperor Palpatine won, and Americans are starting to embrace the Dark Side! Yes I realize I am using way too many Star Wars references this week. Especially because we’re a week away from a movie that I am very much looking forward to. Rogue One: A Star Wars Story. Instead from here on out, the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot is going to be used for what I call “The Trump Effect”. Because of this:

BERLIN -- The German government expressed revulsion Wednesday at Nazi-style salutes such as those performed at a recent far-right event in Washington, but said it was confident the United States can tackle the issue. Video published by The Atlantic showed participants at the event Saturday raising their arms in salute during a speech by Richard Spencer, head of the white-nationalist National Policy Institute.

"Speaking generally, whenever we see videos from anywhere showing people raising their hand to do Hitler salutes we are repulsed," German government spokesman Steffen Seibert said Wednesday after being asked about the clip .

White-nationalist groups have existed in the United States for decades but drew increased attention last summer when activists showed up at the Republican National Convention to celebrate Donald Trump's nomination as the party's presidential candidate.

Spencer, who is credited with coining the term "alt-right," was filmed Saturday saying "Hail Trump, hail our people, hail victory!" to cheers from the audience.

Read more: http://www.ctvnews.ca/world/germany-repulsed-by-hitler-salutes-at-u-s-far-right-event-1.3173306




Because you know when the Germans are alarmed at our white supremacy, and use of Nazi imagery, you know it’s becoming a problem. It’s like that mole on your back. It was fine when you checked it a year ago, but now it’s becoming a problem that we can no longer ignore. Which is why I’m changing the name to “The Trump Effect” because he created this problem. And here’s a perfect example of what I am talking about.

Police in Roxboro, North Carolina, will hold a press conference Monday to address community concerns after a band of KKK members drove through the small town Saturday celebrating President-elect Donald Trump’s victory in the recent election.

The parade was originally going to take place in Pelham, 40 minutes away from Roxboro. But organizers moved the event after protesters gathered in Pelham Saturday morning to confront the Klansmen, according to the Charlotte News Observer.

Two men were also arrested on Friday night after a stabbing at a KKK meeting in Caswell County, where Pelham is located.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/donald-trump-kkk-parade-north-carolina_us_5844eb97e4b017f37fe5591c?


Can we show that photo?



Worst ticker tape parade ever, by the way!



But this is why I wanted to do this entry this week. We head to the great city of Minneapolis for this one. So it starts out innocent enough:

BLOOMINGTON, Minn. - For the first time ever, the nation's largest mall is featuring a black Santa Claus.

Kids visiting the Mall of America this weekend will have the chance to bring their wish lists to Larry Jefferson, who has been hired as Kris Kringle from Thursday to Sunday, as part of the mall's Santa Experience.

"All of the kids I have looked at and reviewed on my Santa list are all on the nice list," Jefferson said Friday. "They're doing great. Minnesota has a lot of great children."
http://www.kare11.com/news/mall-of-america-welcomes-1st-black-santa/362159027


Sigh. And here’s where the internet comes in. See the alt right thinks of diversity the same way that Ron Burgundy does.



Which if you can guessed what happens next, you get points good sir / madam!

Larry Jefferson — an army veteran from Texas and the Mall of America's 24th St. Nick — would seem to be an eminently talented, qualified and dedicated Santa. He attended a "premiere Santa school," according to the Star Tribune, and is a member of the Lone Star Santas, an all-volunteer organization that brings toys to children whose families have been affected by natural disasters. Also, his beard is real, which is important — but most important of all are his deeply held, Santa-ly convictions:

"It's a positive experience," Jefferson explained in a video accompanying the Star Tribune's article. "I want to help inspire them to think good things about Santa, about the world in general: hope, love, peace, caring. It's about meeting the people and listening to them and making them smile and laugh."

In hiring Jefferson, Landon Luther — co-owner of the mall's Santa Experience — had hoped to give families a more representative Kris Kringle. "We want Santa to be for everyone, period," he told the Star Tribune. Jefferson signed on for a four-day stretch and was completely booked Saturday and Sunday.
https://mic.com/articles/161140/mall-of-america-hires-its-first-black-santa-racists-of-the-internet-lose-it#.QzdrVDzhd


Good god these people fucking suck. And these people are the people who really hate America if they’re attacking vets. If you do that, fuck you, OK? And they’re going to be running the country for the next four years. Excuse me a minute…




Trump For Dummies


Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, LGBT and gender non conformers. Gather around. So we have come to the end of one of the most volatile, hostile, and batshit insane election cycles in history. And our new president is a guy who might just be the biggest asshole on the planet. Now many of you are planning on traveling for the holidays, and going back home, wherever your home may be. And that means that you have to deal with your conservative relatives. So we here at Trump For Dummies are going to teach you about how do you deal with that? This is going to be the first part of an ongoing series in how to talk to Donald Trump fans. Let’s get out our texts shall we?



Chapter 1: Perception Vs. Reality

Donald Trump and his most hardcore followers live in fantasy world. A world where facts are meaningless. In fact his most hardcore fans even said so themselves:

"And so Mr. Trump's tweet, amongst a certain crowd—a large part of the population—are truth. When he says that millions of people illegally voted, he has some—amongst him and his supporters, and people believe they have facts to back that up. Those that do not like Mr. Trump, they say that those are lies and that there are no facts to back it up."
http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/videos/a51152/trump-surrogate-no-such-thing-as-facts/


Yes there you have it. Straight from the mouths of his most hardcore fans. Drop the mic.



So I don’t need to tell you already that Donald Trump won the coveted title of Time Magazine’s Man Of The Year. Which means that he joins the ranks of other famous dictators including Hitler and Stalin that have graced the cover of the annual magazine. But once again, Donald Trump wins the election but loses the popular vote. Hey o!!!! Who did win the popular vote? It’s India’s prime minister Narendra Modi!

New York: Prime Minister Narendra Modi has won the online reader's poll for TIME Person of the Year 2016, beating out other world leaders like US President-elect Donald Trump, incumbent US leader Barack Obama and Russian President Vladimir Putin.

Modi won with 18 per cent of the vote when the poll closed last night, getting significantly more votes than his closest contenders, including Obama, Trump and Wikileaks Founder Julian Assange, who all received 7 per cent of the 'yes' vote.

Modi was also placed far ahead of other prominent figures of this year, like Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg (2 per cent) and US Presidential nominee Hillary Clinton (4 per cent), Time said.

Time's editors will decide the final Person of the Year later this week, but the online poll results provide a look at how the world sees these figures and Modi emerged as the most influential figure in 2016, according to the online poll.
http://www.news18.com/news/india/trouncing-trump-obama-putin-pm-modi-tops-time-person-of-the-year-poll-1319411.html




Well… since Donald Trump tends to speak like he Tweets, and that is in short sentences with lots of hyperbolic language, and your racist uncle may not know or care who the prime minister of India is, you can explain it like this:

Modi was appointed chief minister of Gujarat in 2001, due to Keshubhai Patel's failing health and poor public image following the earthquake in Bhuj. Modi was elected to the legislative assembly soon after. His administration has been seen as complicit in the 2002 Gujarat riots, or otherwise criticized for its handling of it, although a court found no evidence to prosecute Modi. His policies as chief minister, credited with encouraging economic growth, have received praise, and several industrial projects were begun during his tenure. His administration has been criticised for failing to significantly improve health, poverty, and education indices in the state.

Modi led the BJP in the 2014 general election, which gave the party a majority in the Lok Sabha, the first time a single party had achieved this since 1984. Modi himself was elected to parliament from Varanasi. Since taking office, Modi's administration has encouraged foreign direct investment in the Indian economy, increased spending on infrastructure, and reduced spending on health and social welfare programs. Modi has encourages efficiency in the bureaucracy, and centralized power through the abolition of the planning commission. Modi has begun a high-profile sanitation campaign, and loosened environmental and labor laws. A Hindu nationalist and member of the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh (RSS), Modi remains a controversial figure domestically and internationally.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narendra_Modi




Chapter 2: Twitter

As we pointed out in Chapter 1 – most of Donald Trump’s insanity comes from his racism, sexism, and xenophobia. And as we also said Donald Trump tends to speak like he Tweets – very loud, very angry and with lots of hyperbole. Even Donald Trump’s favorite punching bag the New York Times isn’t above this. Just look at what happened during Donald Trump’s victory tour:

CINCINNATI — He boasted about himself in the third person. He sneered at the opponents he had vanquished. He disparaged journalists and invited angry chants from the crowd, grinning broadly at calls of “lock her up” and “build the wall.” He ridiculed the government’s leaders as stupid and dishonest failures.

In his first major address since winning the presidency three weeks ago, Donald J. Trump soaked up the adulation of thousands of his supporters at a campaign-style rally here, unabashedly gloating about the “great” victory he had secured. If there were any question about whether his evolution to president-in-waiting would temper his presentation or moderate his tone, the rally offered a forceful answer: Not a chance.
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/12/01/us/politics/trump-kicks-off-thank-you-tour-reveling-in-crowd-and-campaign-themes.html


And here’s what actually happened:

It’s not entirely clear what Donald Trump thought he was going to accomplish by continuing to hold campaign rallies three weeks after the election, but it is fairly clear that he’s not getting the results he was hoping for. Trump held a kickoff event in Cincinnati, Ohio on Thursday evening at the kind of arena he used to have no trouble filling during the campaign. But now that he’s shockingly been named the “winner” and the reality has perhaps set in that an unstable sociopath may be about to take the White House, it appears even his fans have begun abandoning him.

http://www.palmerreport.com/news/donald-trump-victory-tour-empty/315/




Pro tip: Donald Trump supporters don’t like being talked down to, especially when you quote things like facts, or his Twitter feed. When talking to a Trump supporter, it’s best if you speak in their language. A fake Trump Tweet might get their attention like this:



Which you can use to literally say anything. You can even make him sound liberal!



Who are we kidding? Has Trump ever apologized for anything? Hell no! And he’s about to ignite World War III. Now your racist uncle may read Breitbart and listen to Infowars on the claim that it speaks to them. Well if you explain to them that shit rots your brain, you are correct sir / madam. So Donald Trump might be the most embarrassing thing to happen to the White House.



OK second most. Yes that’s former president Lyndon Johnson telling a pants manufacturer about his bunghole and the area where your nuts hang. I’m getting off topic here. But I’d much rather hear LBJ talk about his bunghole than I would hear Donald Trump talk about well, anything.

Chapter 3: Fake News

There’s a lot that came out of the worst election in American history. And one of the biggest is that more Americans paid more attention to fake news than they did to real actual news. Sites like Infowars, Prison Planet, and Breitbart won. So Trump fans do not like logic, facts or reason. In fact they won’t have any of it, and instead will resort to quoting Infowars, Prison Planet, and Breitbart. So when you bring up this:

On Monday morning, a man shoved a New York City Transit worker down a staircase at Grand Central Terminal in Manhattan, screaming that she was a terrorist. Two days earlier, in Brooklyn, another man threatened an off-duty police officer with his pit bull, telling her and her son to “go back to your country.” Both women were wearing hijabs.

Hate crimes in New York City have risen in the weeks since Donald J. Trump won the presidential election, a noticeable spike that encompasses ethnic minorities, Jews, whites and people for their sexual orientation. In New York City, 43 episodes have been deemed possible hate crimes by the Police Department’s Hate Crime Task Force since Election Day, more than double the number reported for the same period last year.

To date, there has been a 35 percent increase over last year. The incidents range from vicious graffiti to physical violence.

Much of the hatred has shown in graffiti. Several swastikas were discovered Saturday on a No. 1 train. The scrawls followed the appearance of two swastikas, graffitied with the words “Go Trump,” in a Brooklyn Heights playground last month, prompting a communitywide demonstration.

Read more: http://www.nytimes.com/2016/12/05/nyregion/hate-crimes-are-on-the-rise-in-new-york-city.html


They’ll counter with this:



And then you can counter with images like this:



Or:



And they will still counter with:



Chapter 4: When Trump Talks About Himself

Donald Trump loves to talk about himself. And man does he love to talk about himself. And he talks in short sentences. And they are the best sentences. Nobody uses better words than he does. He uses the best words! And the best hyperbole!

Pro Tip: Having an article that is well researched with facts to back up the argument helps, especially when we live in a world where “there’s no such thing as facts anymore”. So you can counter with an argument like this:

It strikes me as vaguely ironic that Trump supporters, who so badly want to want to Make America Great Again, are relying on the old standbys of this country’s recipe for success: racism and violence. Genocide, slavery, Jim Crow and state-sanctioned terrorism against black folks are all a part of what Trump’s base considers the best of times—before subtle, sophisticated racism and political correctness came along and ruined white people's good times. And so Trump, a man who fully embraces violence in his personal life, publicly embraces violence for America as well, more outspokenly than any candidate in recent history. His supporters, a fervent bunch, follow suit.

Membership in white supremacist and anti-government groups has steadily climbed. A study by the SPLC found that Trump’s rhetoric is creating an “alarming level of fear and anxiety among children of color” while emboldening some white students, and is directly tied to “an increase in bullying, harassment and intimidation of students whose races, religions or nationalities have been... verbal targets.” Just days ago, a Trump fan posted a video urging compatriots to shoot black women and children. Trump supporters have sent death threats to Jewish reporters on social media. Hate crimes against Muslims are rising precipitously, and now stand at levels higher than just after 9/11.

There is plenty of violence at Trump rallies against people of color, but that violence spills beyond the rooms where Trump riles his crowds and bleeds into Muslim, African-American and Hispanic lives. This list is a roundup of 10 examples. But please know that not every perpetrator speaks Trump’s name aloud, not every hate crime is reported and not every report makes the news. So this is likely just a small fraction of what’s happening.
http://www.alternet.org/election-2016/10-hate-crimes-inspired-donald-trumps-hateful-rhetoric


Pro Tip: When Donald Trump says something, you can take one of two different articles. The one that quotes his Twitter feed directly:

The government has contracted with Boeing to build two or more new planes, which would go into service around 2024. That means Trump wouldn't fly on the new planes, which carry U.S. presidents around the globe, unless he pursued and won a second term. But the Air Force has pressed for a faster schedule, saying the current planes are becoming too expensive to repair and keep in good flying shape.

The contract for the planes was to be about $3 billion, but costs have been reported to be rising. Trump tweeted early Tuesday, "Boeing is building a brand new 747 Air Force One for future presidents, but costs are out of control, more than $4 billion. Cancel order!"

Read more: http://bigstory.ap.org/article/95684ac1d4a84415ad8b0dd89d01587c/trump-heads-back-out-road-thank-you-tour




Pro Tip: The Fake Trump Tweet Generator allows you to convey facts in a way your Trump voting relatives will understand. Like this!



Or one that quotes you know, actual facts:

“Trump’s tweet was completely nonsensical and based on exactly nothing,” Richard Aboulafia, an aerospace analyst, told The Washington Post. “But it’s very difficult to adjudicate on complicated program management and military requirements questions with Twitter as your medium.”
http://gizmodo.com/trump-bitches-about-air-force-one-upgrade-he-wont-get-t-1789726467




Pro Tip: It helps if you speak in their language. If they counter with “wrong”, counter with:



Pro Tip: Having an emergency supply of Jack Daniels or your adult beverage of choice helps to make the holidays go much faster! Just take a page from John D. Blutarsky of Delta Tau Kai:



And Now This:
Puscifer

Ladies and gentlemen, playing their song “The Remedy” from their album “Money Shot”, available everywhere music is sold, please welcome Puscifer!





Yeah how about that?

We've got just two Top 10s left in 2016. See you next week!

Ed. Note: BTW, this is the last edition where Forbes will be used as a source. Their site has made it difficult to navigate and to be able to find articles. If anyone has any suggestions for sources let me know.

Trump's Victory Tour Barely Fills First Arena



It’s not entirely clear what Donald Trump thought he was going to accomplish by continuing to hold campaign rallies three weeks after the election, but it is fairly clear that he’s not getting the results he was hoping for. Trump held a kickoff event in Cincinnati, Ohio on Thursday evening at the kind of arena he used to have no trouble filling during the campaign. But now that he’s shockingly been named the “winner” and the reality has perhaps set in that an unstable sociopath may be about to take the White House, it appears even his fans have begun abandoning him.

Based on the photos posted by various credentialed reporters who were in the building at the time Donald Trump was speaking, it appears that he was unable to attract enough people to even so much as fill half the arena. For instance Ben Jacobs from The Guardian posted a picture to his Twitter account, taken before Trump began speaking, which revealed a startling number of empty seats:
http://www.palmerreport.com/news/donald-trump-victory-tour-empty/315/


Might want to get the Sad Hulk Music!



Breitbart's war on Kellogg's raises legal questions

A boycott may have a negligible impact on Kellogg’s sales, but some legal experts say Breitbart’s actions put it on sketchy legal ground.

There have been other boycotts called for by both pro- and anti-Trump supporters. But Ted Boutrous, a First Amendment lawyer at Gibson, Dunn & Crutcher in Los Angeles, said Breitbart’s actions could violate laws barring unfair business practices because it’s calling for a massive group boycott of an advertiser to further its competitive position.

He said a possible precedent is a case where a group of attorneys representing poor defendants boycotted for higher pay, and the Supreme Court held their action to be price fixing.

“It’s clearly intended to deter other advertisers from withdrawing their business and to ensure costs and prices don’t go down for Breitbart,” Boutrous said of the boycott. “It’s a serious issue to boycott in the commercial sphere.” Neither Breitbart nor Kellogg’s have replied to requests for comment.

http://digiday.com/brands/breitbarts-war-kelloggs-raises-legal-questions/


Keep digging that hole, Breitbart!

To quote Bill Maher:



"Actually, now I do!"

South Park Nailed It Last Night, RE Trump:



Colbert Discusses Trump's Dinner Date With Mitt Romney



You know what people bought the most of on Black Friday? Guns.

Black Friday, a day of commercial consumerism. The lines are wrapped around the buildings waiting for the deals of a lifetime. While you might think most consumers are out there waiting for the latest new toy or the biggest TV, many buyers on Black Friday are buying something totally different.

Black Friday is apparently the day to buy guns. Lots of guns!

According to the FBI spokesman Stephen Fischer, Black Friday shattered the single-day record for gun sales – with 185,713 background checks processed in a 24 hour period. Fischer told Business Insider that nearly 400 more transactions were processed on Black Friday than in 2015.

Black Friday has predominately been the biggest day of the year for gun sales. Buyers can’t resist the temptation of the deep discounts. Gun ownership still remains a hot topic politically. While many breathed a sigh of relief that a Democrat will not be in the White House, many remain concerned about the potential loss of their Second Amendment rights.

As expected, gun sales skyrocket whenever Washington takes an anti-gun approach or states propose a law to make it harder for gun owners to purchase.
http://tribunist.com/news/americans-bought-enough-guns-on-black-friday-to-arm-the-marine-corps/


Top 10 Conservative Idiots #2-3: Wheel Of Corruption (Or The Unexpected Virtue Of Ignorance) Edition


Top 10 Conservative Idiots #2-3: Wheel Of Corruption (Or: The Unexpected Virtue Of Ignorance) Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! You know is anyone really *THAT* surprised that One Million Moms is losing their collective shit over a new Zales ad that features a lesbian couple exchanging vows and getting married? Really? Could these people possibly any more predictable than they already are? I mean in an era when we’re about to have a fascist white supremacist become the next president of the US, there’s untold war in Syria, and climate change scientists have spelled certain doom for our planet, is this really where we need the outrage directed at this time? I mean One Million Moms couldn’t be more predictable than a New England Patriots 56 – 0 victory over the Cleveland Browns. Yes, the Browns really are that bad. Or as I like to call this group “20 Fat Guys With Keyboards”. Hey o! Can we show that ad?



It’s 3 fucking seconds!!! Which if you think about it, is almost exactly how long Sulu was on screen in Star Trek Beyond with his husband and daughter. I mean seriously let’s get a grip here people! We have a fascist dictator about to take over our government and completely annihilate the constitution, and this is what you are outraged about???? The stupid burns!! Ahhhhhhhhh!!! Ah enough of that. We have a lot of conservative idiocy to get to. But first… Trevor Noah talks about Donald Trump’s plans to go full Nazi:



So where do we start this week? To start with of course Donald Trump is taking up all 4 slots again this week. In the first slot we’re going to talk about yet another insane Twitter toilet binge he went on regarding the proposed recount of the vote, especially now that Hillary Clinton won the popular vote but still lost the electoral college. In the second slot, we’re going to talk about how Premier Trump celebrated Thanksgiving – at his Florida resort, with no less than 24 entrees! Taking the third slot we’re going to talk about Donald Trump’s (3) appointee for education secretary – Betsy DeVos. Taking the 4th slot, this week is once again Donald Trump (4) and we're going to talk about a possible conflict of interest brewing with his business interests not just here, but around the globe, but of course he's ignoring the problem and instead saved jobs! In the number 5 slot we’re going to talk about Donald Trump’s (5) Twitter war with a 16 year old. In the number 6 slot, we’re going to ask “How Is This Still A Thing” and talk about the Electoral College: how is this still a thing? Taking the seventh slot, we’re going to talk about some more Donald Trump Supporters in a new segment that I am calling “The Trump Effect” (7). In the number 8 slot we’re going to take a look at some Donald Trump supporters including a Delta passenger who went ballistic on a flight In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot we’re going to once again talk about Neo Nazis, this time a Russian dance routine is the subject of scrutiny. Finally this week we’re once again going to be talking about music, but we’re instead going to ask the question *cue reverb* WHO’S NOT PLAYING AT TRUMP’S INAUGURATION???? There’s been lots of names being floated about but we’re going to sort fiction from reality! Plus because you’re nice for listening to my schtick, how about some live music? And I know what you’re going to say – “But Initech the new season has started and we’ve only had all dudes playing the music! When are the lady musicians going to be represented?”. *Donald Trump voice* SNIFF! WRONG! Well how about some live music from Florence & The Machine? Does that do anything for you? Well we shall have that for the show closer this week! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!


Donald Trump


Come on everybody say it with me. It’s time for the WHEEL OF CORRUPTION!!!! Yayyyyyyyyy!!!



And of course if we had a bigger budget we’d have our own graphics and theme music. The wheel is back everybody!! yes just like last time I’ll talk about whatever the wheel lands on. And just like the last time, we too shall have terrible sequel titles with each edition of the Wheel. But this time we're taking a break from terrible sequels and naming this week's edition after a real Best Picture winner! But remember that if it lands on the Guacamole option that it costs $1.50 extra. So this week the items on the wheel will be:
- Gun Nuts
- Go Directly To Jail
- Clip Without Context
- Guacamole
- 5,000
- Dating
- Thanksgiving
- Community Chest
- Bankrupt
- Voter Fraud
- Nazis
- Food
- Music
- Canada
- Racism
- Chance
- Buy A Vowel
- Donald Trump
- My Wife
- Bathrooms
- Whammy
- A Recent Study
- Mad Magazine
- Guns
- VR Headset
- Twitter
- Late Breaking News
- People Who Somehow Got Elected
- 10,000
- How Is This Still A Thing?
- Fox News
- Twitter
- 15,000
- Hate Crimes
- Congress
- Conspiracy Theories
- Santa
- Something random in the news
- ??? (Mystery)
- Florida (Obviously)
- Infowars
- Lightning Round
- Bonus Spin

Spin that shit! No whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! Something random in the news!


Holy shit! I wish I could be like that guy – although unless you’re living under a rock you should know about Premier Trump’s plans to go full Nazi. Voter fraud! Or should I say the lack of voter fraud – at least on their side. So another day, another time that Donald Trump shoots his mouth off on Twitter. Seriously at this point I wouldn’t trust Donald Trump to be 5th grade class president. I wouldn’t trust him to be president of a Starbucks, or even the president after winning a late night drunk game of Asshole. Which I can say I was a champion of back in the day. So here’s what is going on:

Washington (CNN)President-elect Donald Trump ripped the election recount on Saturday, calling it "a scam" and "ridiculous" and noting that Hillary Clinton had already conceded.

Trump charged in a statement that the effort was nothing but a fundraising ploy by the Green Party and its nominee, Jill Stein.

"This recount is just a way for Jill Stein, who received less than one percent of the vote overall and wasn't even on the ballot in many states, to fill her coffers with money, most of which she will never even spend on this ridiculous recount," the President-elect said in a statement, which labeled the effort as "ridiculous" in a headline.

On Saturday night, Trump tweeted, "The Green Party scam to fill up their coffers by asking for impossible recounts is now being joined by the badly defeated & demoralized Dems."
http://www.cnn.com/2016/11/26/politics/donald-trump-jill-stein-recount/index.html


And of course like an idiot with a microphone, Donald Trump took to his old pal Twitter to spew some more hateful nonsense and produced this Tweet:



Now that’s real. That one we did not make up. If we were going to make up a Tweet to talk about how insane Donald Trump’s response to the Green Party vote would be, we would do something like this:




But oh no. You would think that’s the last we would be hearing of the recount and Trump’s child like response to it. No, good sir / madam! Even Trump went from being positive to casting his own self doubt in a series of a couple of Tweets!

Update (November 27, 2016, 5:15 P.M.): Donald Trump capped off his Thanksgiving weekend with a classic early-morning Twitter rant directed at the recent petition to recount Wisconsin spearheaded by Green Party candidate Jill Stein. When Hillary Clinton’s campaign announced Saturday that it would help out in Stein’s efforts, Trump opened the floodgates 140-characters at a time. You can see his rant in full below (including a classic Trumpian “Sad”), but a few hours later, Trump finished with an unusual flourish: a tweet calling into question his own victory:

As Vox’s Ezra Klein points out, if Trump’s plan was to delegitimize the Stein-led recount, he rather “lost the thread” with this final tweet. Throughout his campaign, Trump famously hammered home the idea that the 2016 election would be “rigged” when polls (all of them) erroneously had him trailing Clinton across the country. And earlier this week, when sitting down with The New York Times, Trump said that the he was “never a fan of the Electoral College until now” implying that, like many Americans, at one point Trump had a hard time reconciling the notion that the person who wins the most votes doesn’t necessarily win the presidency.
http://www.vanityfair.com/news/2016/11/donald-trump-tweets-against-election-recount


Let’s throw that Tweet up there, shall we?



Holy fuck! I mean seriously how do you decide what’s an illegal vote and what isn’t? But have no fear, while division is growing in this country more than ever, in a classic “move along, nothing to see here” moment, Trump said we must all be united! Yeah, good luck with that, Trump!

PALM BEACH, Fla. -- His Cabinet beginning to take shape, President-elect Donald Trump is offering a Thanksgiving prayer for unity after “a long and bruising” campaign season.

“Emotions are raw and tensions just don’t heal overnight,” the incoming president said in a video message released on the eve of the national holiday. He continued, “It’s my prayer that on this Thanksgiving we begin to heal our divisions and move forward as one country strengthened by shared purpose and very, very common resolve.”
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-calls-for-national-healing-in-thanksgiving-message/





Donald Trump


Spin that shit! No whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! Thanksgiving!



Oh wait, maybe we should show something a bit less graphic.



Spin it again! Donald Trump. So Donald Trump can’t exist without Twitter, and Twitter cannot exist without @realDonaldTrump. He’s been busy all right! In fact while most of us were stuffing our faces with turkey and trying not to kill each other when our racist uncles started talking about Premier Trump, here’s what he Tweeted!



Yes! He’s the hardest working American even on Thanksgiving! So how did this really pan out?

Donald Trump closed out the Thanksgiving holiday weekend by tweeting an outrageous lie about the 2016 election.

"In addition to winning the Electoral College in a landslide, I won the popular vote if you deduct the millions of people who voted illegally," the president-elect tweeted on Sunday.

He went on to directly target states he lost: "Serious voter fraud in Virginia, New Hampshire and California — so why isn't the media reporting on this? Serious bias — big problem!"

To begin with the obvious: There is no evidence whatsoever that any of this happened. The claim of millions voting illegally appears to have come from a "story" published by conspiracy website Infowars, which has also promulgated claims that the Sandy Hook massacre was faked and Hillary Clinton is a "demon from hell."
http://www.cnbc.com/2016/11/28/why-a-weekend-of-raging-trump-tweets-should-give-us-pause.html


Yes! He spent Thanksgiving weekend on Twitter! Well, so did I, but I wasn’t recently elected leader of the free world here! And of course Premier Trump wasted no time doing what he does best – a series of extremely angry 3:00AM toilet Tweets. I mean who could forget this one from a couple of years ago?

If there’s one thing we ask of a president, it’s that they be inclusive of all, and President-elect Trump, in a very bizarre way, kinda sorta, did that three years ago in the most Trumpian way ever.

While most people have Thanksgiving messages of hope and gratitude, Donald Trump wants everyone to know that he wants their day to be happy. Absolutely everyone. Even the “haters and losers.”

Here’s Trump’s Thanksgiving Day message he tweeted out three years ago:

http://newcenturytimes.com/2016/11/23/trumps-thanksgiving-message-from-three-years-ago-comes-back-to-haunt-him-tweet/




Yes. That’s a guy who will suddenly have the most power in the free world. Can you just imagine this guy with nuclear launch codes? But there’s more! You know what? Of course Donald Trump celebrated Thanksgiving in the most Donald Trump way possible! Here’s what his menu consisted of:

NBC News reported Wednesday that the family's Florida Thanksgiving was guarded by a contingent of at least 150 Secret Service personnel. A Homeland Security official told NBC News that the cost to the taxpayer of that operation alone would reach $7 million.

Trump's security is currently running at than $2 million a day, according to internal Homeland Security and Secret Service documents reviewed by NBC News. That number that is sure to increase whenever the president or the first lady travels — or when the threat level rises.

The New York Police Department is already handling external security at Trump Tower, the president-elect's Manhattan home base, at an estimated cost of $1 million per day.
http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/donald-trump-s-thanksgiving-dinner-featured-24-dishes-n688241




First off that was an actual promotion for the Apprentice during a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Second - Yes! The Donald Trump Thanksgiving menu consisted of no less than 24 entrees, appetizers and desserts. Which include – and I’m not making this up – farm fresh deviled eggs (grown on Trump Farms I presume!), ahi tuna martinis, oven roasted turkey with house-made gravy, leg of lamb, sea bass, clams, 4 different types of salads, scallops, 5 different kinds of pie, eclairs, and something called “Mr. Trump’s Wedge Salad”, which I presume is a head of lettuce with his face on it.




Donald Trump


Spin that shit! No whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy stop! And it lands on Community Chest! So let’s see what I get shall we?



Thank you! I will take that one! At least nothing bad comes by this card, does it? Spin it again! Donald Trump. So by now I’m sure you’ve heard that over the weekend Donald Trump picked Betsy DeVos as his new secretary of education. Which is funny because didn’t Donald Trump want to cut the department of education?

Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump suggested Sunday that he would eliminate several federal agencies if he were elected president.

Asked on “Fox News Sunday” how he would cut spending, Trump named the Department of Education and the Environmental Protection Agency as potential targets.

“No, I’m not cutting services, but I’m cutting spending. But I may cut Department of Education. I believe Common Core is a very bad thing. I believe that we should be — you know, educating our children from Iowa, from New Hampshire, from South Carolina, from California, from New York. I think that it should be local education,” Trump said.

“So the Department of Education is one,” he continued. “Environmental Protection, what they do is a disgrace. Every week they come out with new regulations.”
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/donald-trump-epa-education_us_56240035e4b02f6a900cc0e7




So if you’re keeping score at home so far Donald Trump’s cabinet members consist of: millionaire, millionaire, billionaire, billionaire, millionaire, and for some reason Ben Carson was thrown in the mix. So what else do we know about Betsy DeVos?

WASHINGTON—In response to President-elect Donald Trump’s nomination of Betsy DeVos to lead the Department of Education, AFT President Randi Weingarten issued the following statement:

“The president-elect, in his selection of Betsy DeVos, has chosen the most ideological, anti-public education nominee put forward since President Carter created a Cabinet-level Department of Education.

“In nominating DeVos, Trump makes it loud and clear that his education policy will focus on privatizing, defunding and destroying public education in America.

“DeVos has no meaningful experience in the classroom or in our schools. The sum total of her involvement has been spending her family’s wealth in an effort to dismantle public education in Michigan. Every American should be concerned that she would impose her reckless and extreme ideology on the nation.
http://www.aft.org/press-release/aft-president-randi-weingarten-nomination-betsy-devos-secretary-education#sthash.ochnfVAY.dpuf




Yes let’s back up – way the fuck up! So again if you’re keeping score at home, Donald Trump has nominated a business man for secretary of state, a brain surgeon to head the Housing & Urban Planning Commission, a white nationalist conspiracy theorist, to be his press secretary, and now a billionaire with ZERO education experience as his secretary of education. So qualified people to run important government positions in Trump's government? ZERO!!! So who is Betsy DeVos? Well people in Michigan know her for her extremely divisive rhetoric involving school vouchers.

In the homepage of almost any major news publication, one can read about the latest bombastic actions of the current crop of conservative candidates – Trump, Cruz, Carson etc. Behind all of the pageantry and show, however, it is critical for people of conscience to consider how big-money donors can influence public policy. Most people have heard of big spenders like the Koch brothers or the Walton family—well known for using their money to shape not only policies, but also the very infrastructure of our political system. But who are those deep-pocketed names we’ve never heard of?

The DeVos family—Michigan-based builders of the Amway fortune—is one of the most influential families in conservative U.S. politics. Their agenda includes many items on the Corporate and Christian Right’s wish lists, including so-called “right to work” laws that weaken unions, discriminatory Religious Freedom Restoration Act (RFRA) bills, and education privatization (including pushing school vouchers that transfer public dollars to private religious coffers). Although some of their higher-profile activities such as Dick DeVos’ failed 2006 race for Michigan governor and Richard DeVos´ ownership of the Orlando Magic basketball team are covered in the press, their political spending has gotten far less attention. This year 435 seats will be contested in the House of Representatives, 35 in the Senate and 13 gubernatorial races will take place alongside local and county elections; therefore it is critically important for the country to see and debate the influence that rich families like the DeVoses are wielding in politics.
http://www.politicalresearch.org/2015/12/22/the-koch-like-family-youve-never-heard-of-influencing-state-legislatures/#sthash.Ekp7jRxm.7HxIoAp0.dpuf




And then there’s this:

Donald Trump has nominated extensive Republican donor and staunch school choice advocate Betsy DeVos to be his Education Secretary.

Her family’s net worth is in the billions of dollars.

DeVos adds gender diversity to Trump’s cabinet. Her selection, announced on November 23, comes the same day Trump picked South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley to be ambassador to the UN. Devos has powerful family ties; her husband is the heir to a $5 billion fortune and her brother is Blackwater founder and U.S. Navy Seal Erik Prince.
http://heavy.com/news/2016/11/betsy-devos-trump-common-core-creationism-erik-prince-brother-blackwater-evolution-bio-family-net-worth-husband-dick-richard-education-secretary-charter-schools-choice-michigan-campaign-contributions/





Donald Trump


Entering the spin zone! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy……… stop! Mad Magazine! Can we show that?




Though I can imagine the Twitter shit storm that Donald Trump is going to launch after seeing this:




Spin it again! And it lands on Donald Trump! Ugh… do we have to keep talking about Donald Trump? I mean yes unfortunately he is going to be our 45th president. Which means we have to deal with it and his brain dead supporters. But you know Donald Trump’s business properties make him a target for the FEC and SEC. Not to mention it exposes the GOP’s extreme hypocrisy. Take a look at what one Congressman said.

The House Oversight Democrats argued that the Trump family’s global holdings will create conflicts of interest around the world.

Republicans are already treating Trump differently than they treated President Obama. During his time in office, Obama has dealt with a House Republican majority that spent years investigating baseless conspiracy theories, but when presented with a president-elect who has refused all calls for transparency, these same House Republicans have chosen to look the other way.

The Trump conflict of interest story is not going to go away. It will likely be a theme of his presidency.
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10028312630


Now what actually happened when asked about Trump if he would hold Trump to the same standards as Obama, they got this:

In August, when it looked likely that Hillary Clinton would win the presidency, Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R-Utah), chairman of the House Oversight Committee, insisted that no one should have any doubt that he would be tough on the next president when it came to personal financial entanglements.

"If you're going to run and try to become the president of the United States, you're going to have to open up your kimono and show everything, your tax returns, your medical records. You are just gonna have to do that. It's too important," Chaffetz said.

But Chaffetz, who just 11 days before the election quickly blasted out the news that FBI Director James Comey had "reopened" the FBI investigation in Clinton's emails (which was not quite true), has become quiet on the question of what's under Trump's kimono.
http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2016/11/trump-conflicts-republicans-investigation




However, did you hear that Donald Trump saved jobs? Yes take that whiny liberals!

About 1,400 Indianapolis workers who've spent months grieving the impending loss of of their high-wage manufacturing jobs received a shocking dose of hope Tuesday as the incoming Trump administration scored its first major victory.

Their jobs might be saved.

Carrier Corp. has reached an agreement with President-elect Donald Trump to keep "close to 1,000 jobs" in the city, scrapping a plan to shift all of its Indianapolis operations to Mexico. The heating and air conditioning giant confirmed the agreement on Twitter, but did not provide details
http://www.indystar.com/story/money/2016/11/29/reports-trump-announce-deal-keep-carrier-jobs--state/94637112/


Yes, ladies and gentlemen! He saved 1,000 high paying manufacturing jobs from moving to China! Which would be great news, if it weren't for the fact that Obama owned him by about 100,000 times that and then some:

There is also a math problem that Trump doesn’t want to face. While 1,000 jobs will be staying in the US, at least 1,100 jobs will be moving to Mexico.

Obama saved 1.2 million jobs. Trump is at (-100). The president-elect will get loads of publicity out of his Indiana appearance, and that is what this is all about. President Obama has lamented the fact that he hasn’t effectively gotten the message to voters about his accomplishments.

Donald Trump is going to be the complete opposite. As President Of The United States, Trump is going to continue to sell his every move as the biggest, most earth-shaking development in presidential history. Prepare for four years of endless hype that will never match the substance.
http://www.politicususa.com/2016/11/30/trumps-carrier-stunt-loser-compared-1-2-million-jobs-obama-saved-auto-bailout.html




So Donald Trump saved jobs! We liberals should bow down to the almighty! Well we're not doing that because if you look at Donald Trump's math, he saved 1,000 jobs but cost 1,100. So to use Donald Trump's math, he saved 100 jobs. Which compared to the amount of jobs Obama saved is about 0.0001% with a +-0.00001% margin of error. So Donald Trump will save high paying manufacturing jobs in Indiana, because they might be potential Trump Industries customers, and he'll take out the press. So you win some you lose some. But Trump’s most favorite source of news – the “failing” New York Times – reports that Donald Trump has business interests around the globe that could potentially conflict with him becoming our next president:

MANILA — On Thanksgiving Day, a Philippine developer named Jose E. B. Antonio hosted a company anniversary bash at one of Manila’s poshest hotels. He had much to be thankful for.

In October, he had quietly been named a special envoy to the United States by the Philippine president, Rodrigo Duterte. Mr. Antonio was nearly finished building a $150 million tower in Manila’s financial district — a 57-story symbol of affluence and capitalism, which bluntly promotes itself with the slogan “Live Above the Rest.” And now his partner on the project, Donald J. Trump, had just been elected president of the United States.

After the election, Mr. Antonio flew to New York for a private meeting at Trump Tower with the president-elect’s children, who have been involved in the Manila project from the beginning, as have Mr. Antonio’s children. The Trumps and Antonios have other ventures in the works, including Trump-branded resorts in the Philippines, Mr. Antonio’s son Robbie Antonio said.
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/26/us/politics/donald-trump-international-business.html




But there’s more – so much more! In fact it’s prompting a showdown in Congress over potential business conflicts of interest.

Because Republicans control Congress, Democrats have no investigative power. They can't make Trump answer questions about how his holdings around the world clash with his duties as president.

But Democrats are pulling other levers — launching letter campaigns, planning to recruit sympathetic Republicans, encouraging outside watchdog groups and petitioning federal agencies to police conflicts themselves.

"Trump seems to believe he's above the law," Representative Elijah Cummings of Maryland, the top Democrat on the House Oversight Committee, told CNNMoney. "That's dangerous for democracy, and it's our duty to look at these situations."
http://money.cnn.com/2016/11/28/news/trump-business-conflicts-democrats/




But could Trump put a stop to this before it becomes a problem? Look who you’re asking!

President-elect Donald Trump has given no indication that he will sell any of his vast business holdings before he takes office.

But if he really wants to eliminate conflicts of interest unlike anything an American president has ever presented, he has some options.

They would be both messy and financially painful. But Trump himself once said that his company would be "peanuts" compared with his responsibility as president.
http://money.cnn.com/2016/11/23/news/trump-business-conflicts/





Donald Trump


Entering the spin zone! No whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy stop! And it lands on… bankrupt! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!




Spin it again. Twitter. Well someone who is morally bankrupt is our 45th president Donald J. Trump, and especially since he might be the first president with a merchandise booth at the White House. I give you the officially licensed Donald J. Trump “Make America Great Again” Christmas ornament, which is retailing for a whopping $149, but don’t be surprised if it doesn’t try to build a wall around your presents!

The election is over and Donald Trump is the president-elect, but there's still plenty of campaign merchandise to be had. One item for sale on the Trump campaign website is a Christmas ornament designed to look like one of the iconic "Make America Great Again" hats.

This particular item has drawn attention in recent days, primarily because it is finished in 24-karat gold and costs $149.

It is also available for sale on Amazon — which claims it is actually 14K gold — at an even steeper asking price of $222 and up. As with Megyn Kelly's recently published memoir, there appears to be a politically-motivated effort to bring down the ornament's Amazon rating. Of the 121 reviews published as of 6:45 p.m. ET Friday, 75% gave the Trumpian holiday decoration the lowest rating of one star.
http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2016/11/25/trump-christmas-ornament/94444010/




Well you might be bankrupt after buying this but that still doesn’t make Donald Trump or your Christmas tree any less morally bankrupt. So Donald Trump once again took to his old pal Twitter to convey some really angry messages regarding protestors outside Trump tower burning the American flag.

Donald Trump went on a Twitter rant Monday evening, quoting several users -- including one who says he is a teenager -- who argued that he was being unfairly targeted for his voter fraud claims.

Trump raised eyebrows Sunday when he said, without providing evidence, that he would have won the popular vote had "millions of people" not voted illegally. He also said that "serious voter fraud" existed in California, New Hampshire and Virginia.

The statements drew criticism from secretaries of state in those jurisdiction as well as disavowal from the authors of studies cited by his transition team to justify the president-elect's claim.

When pressed today, Trump's team provided no evidence of voter fraud.
http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/president-elect-donald-trump-twitter-rant-amid-voter/story?id=43834644




Yes Donald Trump quoted a teenager about the voter fraud issue. Don’t worry – news is still coming out about this and we’ll dive head first into it next week. Not to mention he went batshit crazy on the subject of flag burning. Before we get into the heart of this entry let’s do some fact checking on a bullshit meme the deplorables are passing around Twitter in regards to the flag burning issue:

While president-elect Donald Trump has taken flack from civil libertarians for his sudden resurrection of the flag-burning issue, it’s worth noting that his former general election opponent Hillary Clinton once came under fire from liberal allies for sponsoring a bill that aimed to throw those who burned the flag in prison.

Clinton’s stance on flag-burning is complicated to say the least. In theory, she has consistently opposed a flag-burning amendment, and voted against it when it came up for a vote in 2006. But a year earlier, she sponsored a bill that was widely seen as a runaround the Supreme Court precedent outlawing the desecration of flags.

The Flag Protection Act of 2005 would have banned “destroying or damaging a U.S. flag with the primary purpose and intent to incite or produce imminent violence or a breach of the peace,” punishable with a year in prison. In theory, that was different from previous flag-burning bills, which banned all flag burning. In support for the bill, Clinton cited the Supreme Court’s 2003 decision in Virginia v. Black, which found that bans on cross-burning were unconstitutional, but constitutional when limited to incitement and threats of violence.
http://www.mediaite.com/election-2016/guess-who-else-supported-jail-time-for-burning-the-flag/


So the Deplorables are saying that Hillary Clinton wants jail time and $100,000 in fines for anyone caught burning the American flag in protest. Well….

Flag Protection Act of 2005 - Amends the federal criminal code to revise provisions regarding desecration of the flag to prohibit: (1) destroying or damaging a U.S. flag with the primary purpose and intent to incite or produce imminent violence or a breach of the peace; (2) intentionally threatening or intimidating any person, or group of persons, by burning a U.S. flag; or (3) stealing or knowingly converting the use of a U.S. flag belonging to the United States, or belonging to another person on U.S. lands, and intentionally destroying or damaging that flag.
https://www.congress.gov/bill/109th-congress/senate-bill/1911




That’s right! The exact text of the bill introduced in 2005 did not specifically say that $100,00 fines and jail time are punishment for flag burning. The bill introduced in 2005 says nothing of the sort. But that doesn’t matter to Donald Trump or the deplorables. Here’s what Premier Trump said about flag burning. Can we throw that Tweet up there?



Donald Trump’s horrifying post-election Twitter spree continued apace on Tuesday morning when the president-elect declared that flag-burning should be outlawed in the United States, possibly in response to reports that college students protesting his victory burned an American flag.

First, the obvious: The Supreme Court has repeatedly held that flag-burning is a form of symbolic speech protected by the First Amendment. In 1989 and 1990, the court struck down state and federal flag desecration bans as unconstitutional censorship. It is “a bedrock principle underlying the First Amendment,” the court explained, that “the government may not prohibit the expression of an idea simply because society finds the idea itself offensive or disagreeable.” Flag burning is a quintessential form of dissent, a forceful protest against the United States itself. Such political expression lies at the heart of the First Amendment. “We do not consecrate the flag by punishing its desecration,” the court wrote in 1989’s Texas v. Johnson, “for in doing so we dilute the freedom that this cherished emblem represents.”

Second, the less obvious: The involuntary loss of citizenship for engaging in dissent would constitute an outrageous violation of the Constitution’s most critical guarantees. Free speech issues aside, revocation of a flag-burner’s citizenship without his consent would violate both the 8th Amendment’s ban on cruel and unusual punishments as well as the Due Process Clause of the 5th Amendment, which bars punitive expatriation.
http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2016/11/29/trump_s_flag_burning_tweet_is_an_attack_on_our_freedom_to_dissent.html


Holy fuck!!!!! In one Tweet, Donald Trump completely destroyed the idea of freedom to protest, one of the very fundamental elements of the first amendment. This is why we should not elect anyone who has no government experience. But there’s more! So much, much more!

Trump may have been inspired by protests over the weekend at Hampshire College in Amherst, Mass., where school administrators took down all flags on campus after an American flag was burned by students.

But there's a big catch to Trump's proposal.

A 1989 Supreme Court decision, Texas v. Johnson, said burning the flag is a protest protected by the First Amendment. Among those voting with the court majority in that case was the late Justice Antonin Scalia, who died in February, and whom Trump has repeatedly cited as a model for the kind of justice he would appoint to the nation's highest court. Scalia's seat on the bench remains unfilled, after the Republican-controlled Senate refused to hold hearings on President Obama's choice to replace him. That likely means nominating a new Supreme Court justice will be among Trump's first tasks after taking office.
http://www.npr.org/2016/11/29/503719125/trumps-flag-burning-tweet-brings-back-1980s-era-controversy


While that’s frightening considering that oh yes, they’re going there. But one thing that puzzles me – can anyone explain what Donald was doing in this picture?



That flag *SHOULD* be burned!


The Electoral College


Let’s give the wheel a good strong spin, shall we? And it lands on……… wait for it………. Clip without context!



Someone please tell me Aaron Rodgers was *NOT* using that tent to take a shit, which makes that guy following him officially have the worst job in the NFL. Spin it again! And it lands on………. How Is This Still A Thing?

And now it’s time for another installment of:



The Electoral College: How Is This Still A Thing? In the very first entry this week, we talked a lot about Donald Trump screaming about voter fraud. But let’s give some back history on the electoral college and why Donald Trump might make that claim.

Washington (CNN)President-elect Donald Trump alleged Sunday, without evidence, that "millions of people" voted illegally for Hillary Clinton and otherwise he would have won the popular vote. It's an unprecedented allegation by a president-elect.
Trump won the Electoral College and thus the White House, but the Democratic nominee leads him in the popular vote by about two million ballots.

"In addition to winning the Electoral College in a landslide, I won the popular vote if you deduct the millions of people who voted illegally," Trump tweeted.

"It would have been much easier for me to win the so-called popular vote than the Electoral College in that I would only campaign in 3 or 4- states instead of the 15 states that I visited. I would have won even more easily and convincingly (but smaller states are forgotten)!" he added.
http://www.cnn.com/2016/11/27/politics/donald-trump-voter-fraud-popular-vote/




So Donald Trump is not only claiming that he would have won the Electoral College, anyways, but let’s go into the back history of the electoral college. You might remember a case that happened in late 2000 called Bush V. Gore that threw out the popular *AND* electoral college and let SCOTUS decide who the president was?

In Bush v. Gore (2000), a divided Supreme Court ruled that the state of Florida's court-ordered manual recount of vote ballots in the 2000 presidential election was unconstitutional. The case proved to be the climax of the contentious presidential race between Vice President Al Gore and Texas Governor George W. Bush. The outcome of the election hinged on Florida, where Governor Bush led Vice President Gore by about 1,800 votes the morning after Election Day. Because the returns were so close, Florida law called for an automatic machine recount of ballots. The recount resulted in a dramatic tightening of the race, leaving Bush with a bare 327-vote lead out of almost 6 million ballots cast. With the race so close, Florida law allowed Gore the option of "manual vote recounts" in the counties of his choosing. Gore opted for manual recounts in four counties with widespread complaints of voting machine malfunction: Broward, Miami-Dade, Volusia, and Palm Beach. However, Florida law also required that the state's election results be certified by the Secretary of State, Katherine Harris, within seven days of the election (by November 14, 2000). Three of the four counties, frantically laboring through the tedious manual recount, were unable to complete the process by the deadline.
http://www.pbs.org/wnet/supremecourt/future/landmark_bush.html




I like that one. But there’s a troubling reason why the Electoral College still exists. And while that particular reason was overturned with the 13th Amendment. And why was it the 13th Amendment? Everyone knows that the number 13 is generally bad luck! But here’s more of why the Electoral College still exists – and it’s frightening.

The Founding Fathers had something particular in mind when they set up the U.S. presidential election system: slavery

As Americans await the quadrennial running of the presidential obstacle course now known as the Electoral College, it’s worth remembering why we have this odd political contraption in the first place. After all, state governors in all 50 states are elected by popular vote; why not do the same for the governor of all states, a.k.a. the president? The quirks of the Electoral College system were exposed this week when Donald Trump secured the presidency with an Electoral College majority, even as Hillary Clinton took a narrow lead in the popular vote.

Some claim that the founding fathers chose the Electoral College over direct election in order to balance the interests of high-population and low-population states. But the deepest political divisions in America have always run not between big and small states, but between the north and the south, and between the coasts and the interior.
http://time.com/4558510/electoral-college-history-slavery/


?quality=85&w=1100

Holy shit. It’s 2016 and most of these archaic laws that were passed in the 1700s still have not been overturned because… reasons. And also Jesus. But mainly let’s go with Jesus. And here’s some more back story behind why the Electoral College still exists.

When the founders of the U.S. Constitution in 1787 considered whether America should let the people elect their president through a popular vote, James Madison said that “Negroes” in the South presented a “difficulty … of a serious nature.”

During that same speech on Thursday, July 19, Madison instead proposed a prototype for the same Electoral College system the country uses today. Each state has a number of electoral votes roughly proportioned to population and the candidate who wins the majority of votes wins the election.

Madison, now known as the “Father of the Constitution,” was a slave-owner in Virginia, which at the time was the most populous of the 13 states if the count included slaves, who comprised about 40 percent of its population.

Madison knew that the North would outnumber the South, despite there being more than half a million slaves in the South who were their economic vitality, but could not vote. His proposition for the Electoral College included the “three-fifths compromise,” where black people could be counted as three-fifths of a person, instead of a whole. This clause garnered the state 12 out of 91 electoral votes, more than a quarter of what a president needed to win.
http://www.pbs.org/newshour/updates/electoral-college-slavery-constitution/




But slavery isn’t the only reason why the Electoral College exists. Here’s a counter argument that the Electoral College is more helpful than hurtful:

There is hardly anything in the Constitution harder to explain, or easier to misunderstand, than the electoral college. And when a presidential election hands the palm to a candidate who comes in second in the popular vote but first in the electoral college tally, something deep in our democratic viscera balks and asks why the electoral college shouldn’t be dumped as a useless relic of 18th century white, gentry privilege.

Actually, there have been only five occasions when a closely divided popular vote and the electoral vote have failed to point in the same direction. No matter. After last week’s results, we’re hearing a litany of complaints: the electoral college is undemocratic, the electoral college is unnecessary, the electoral college was invented to protect slavery — and the demand to push it down the memory hole.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2016/11/15/in-defense-of-the-electoral-college/?utm_term=.f7b16a57c24f




Yes it’s him. He will make the best dictator. Nobody will ever make a better dictator than he does. The best dictators come from Trump Tower. That’s enough to make you ask – the Electoral College:




The Trump Effect


Spin that shit! No whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… STOP! A recent study! Well this one really isn’t that recent – it was published in 1991. But now the effects are very chilling to say the least!

http://libcom.org/history/remembering-third-wave-leslie-weinfield

What came to be known as the "Third Wave" began at Cubberly High School in Palo Alto as a game without any direct reference to Nazi Germany, says Ron Jones, who had just begun his first teaching job in the 1966-67 academic year. When a social studies student asked about the German public's responsibility for the rise of the Third Reich, Jones decided to try and simulate what happened in Germany by having his students "basically follow instructions" for a day.

But one day turned into five, and what happened by the end of the school week spawned several documentaries, studies and related social experiments illuminating a dark side of human nature - and a major weakness in public education.

Jones decided he had to end the experiment immediately, but without losing the point of the lesson. He had the three skeptics escorted to the library for their own safety, and then told those remaining that the Third Wave was more than an exercise, that it was more than just a game.




Spin it again! Hate crimes!



Needless to say I spent a lot of my Thanksgiving weekend watching the Simpsons marathon on FXX. But getting back to the subject – hate crimes. Specifically those committed by Donald Trump fans. Like this one:

A supporter of Vice President-elect Mike Pence faces a court hearing next month after police said he called two women in a New York City diner racist names and pepper-sprayed a bystander who defended them.

Frank Camino, 56, is scheduled to appear in court on Dec. 19 on charges of assault with intent to cause physical injury, attempted assault, recklessly causing injury and harassment in the second degree, local news website Gothamist reported.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/mike-pence-supporter-racist-diner_us_583ca1cde4b06539a78a0a1c




Or there’s this. To quote Mayor Quimby from the Simpsons: “Are these morons getting louder or just dumber?”:

A Chicago shopper was filmed having a meltdown inside of a Michaels craft store, during which she accused the staff of discriminating against her for being white and for voting for Donald Trump.

“And I voted for Trump, so there. You want to kick me out because of that? And look who won,” the unidentified woman is heard yelling at employees.

According to the 10-minute video uploaded to YouTube, the woman believed that a black employee had tried to “force” her to purchase a $1 reusable bag. Employees can be heard telling her that they offered her the bag because they were out of disposable ones that met the size of her larger items.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/racist-pro-trump-tirade-over-bag_us_583c55cce4b000af95eef322




Or there’s this:

Around 5:45 p.m. on November 15, a Muslim student was smashed in the face with a glass bottle near the northeast entrance to Mary Gates Hall on the University of Washington campus, according to a UW police report.

The suspect, who the female victim described as male, in a black sweatshirt, hit her on the right cheek near her eye, then fled, taking the bottle with him. She was in too much pain to provide police with a written statement immediately, but, as was announced during a press conference Monday at UW’s Red Square, she suffered heavy bruising, swelling, and a concussion. The young woman was wearing a headscarf at the time of the attack. The UW police investigation is ongoing.
http://www.seattleweekly.com/news/community-calls-for-hate-crime-investigation-following-assault-on-muslim-student-at-uw/




Or there's this:


An Arizona mother said she hopes cruel birthday cupcakes given to her teenage daughter will become a “teachable moment” about the horrors of the Holocaust.

Deborah Muller, of Paradise Valley, said her daughter’s 14th birthday party this month included cupcakes that guests were allowed to frost. Two girls, who Muller said are friends of her daughter, decorated cupcakes with chocolate swastikas, even though the birthday girl is Jewish, according to KPNX-TV.

Muller said in a now-deleted Facebook post that the girls told her they did it to “be funny.” She said the teens all recently learned about the Holocaust in school, and were aware of the symbol’s meaning.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/swastika-cupcakes-birthday-gift_us_583df40ee4b04fcaa4d562a6




Yeah I’m not seeing a pattern or anything! By the way, at least some good news involving the Trump Effect - Kellogg is joining some other advertisers and boycotting alt right hate website Breitbart:

Kellogg, the food manufacturer that owns Pringles and Pop-Tarts, confirmed Tuesday that it will discontinue advertising on Breitbart.com, the far-right news and commentary site that was formerly run by a top aide of President-elect Donald Trump, Steve Bannon.

The site has come under fire on social media in recent days as consumers, angered at what they say is its racist, sexist and anti-Semitic content, publicly name its advertisers. Bannon worked as executive chairman of Breitbart News until he left to run Trump's campaign. He was scheduled to return to Breitbart, but earlier this month, Trump named Bannon his chief strategist, stirring more of the site's critics to call out its content and appeal to its advertisers.

"We regularly work with our media buying partners to ensure our ads do not appear on sites that aren't aligned with our values as a company," Kellogg spokesperson Kris Charles in a statement. "This involves reviewing websites where ads could potentially be placed using filtering technology to assess site content. As you can imagine, there is a very large volume of websites, so occasionally something is inadvertently missed. In this case, we learned from consumers that ads were placed on Breitbart.com and decided to discontinue advertising there."
http://www.usatoday.com/story/money/business/2016/11/29/kellogg-join-others-removing-advertising-breitbart/94619068/




But Breitbart is hopping mad! Their CEO has declared war on big cereal now! I swear Lewis Black was right - how do you satirize something which is already satirical?

Breitbart and some of its right-wing audience are now declaring a war on advertisers who are dropping the site. The site’s CEO Larry Solov said, “We’ll handle this the way we always do — war.”

Solov added, “What you’re seeing is Kellogg’s and others buying into a false, left-wing narrative that our 45 million readers are deplorables … Our readers are mainstream America and, frankly, that’s who these advertisers risk alienating. They’re creating economic censorship of conservative discourse. They say we don’t represent their values — but we represent American values.”

At least one blogger seemed to agree with Solov’s assessment. John Hinderaker wrote for PowerLineBlog.com that Frosted Flakes should be boycotted — much like Hamilton and Starbucks.
http://www.rawstory.com/2016/11/breitbart-and-its-new-conservative-allies-declares-war-after-kellogg-pulls-ads-from-website/


First off - get off your fucking high horse. You do not have 45,000,000 readers. You're missing a decimal point in there somewhere. And second, it's war folks! Pass the butter, we shall keep tabs on this story and see how it plays out! Who does Larry Solov think he is? Daffy Duck?




Donald Trump Supporters


Spin it to win it! And it lands on.......... wait for it.................. Canada! So this might be the most Canadian punishment ever:

Talk about cruel and unusual punishment!

The Canadian town of Kensington has hit upon a genius plan to detract its residents from drinking and driving this holiday season.

Not only will the cops charge you, they’ll also blast Nickelback while they haul you to jail.

The Kensington Police Service laid down the law in a Facebook post over the weekend for those “dumb enough to feel they can drink and drive.”

“When we catch you, and we will catch you,” the department added, “on top of a hefty fine, a criminal charge and a years driving suspension we will also provide you with a bonus gift of playing the offices copy of Nickelback in the cruiser on the way to jail.”
http://fox6now.com/2016/11/30/canadian-cops-to-punish-drunk-drivers-with-nickelback-tunes/


What? No! I'm not going to play Nickelback! Isn't our audience already punished enough? How about some Weird Al instead?



Spin it again. Racism. Something is in the air folks! Donald Trump supporters are going almost as batshit crazy as he is! And they can’t be gracious winners. Instead, they’ve become self aware and are attacking us sore loser liberals at an alarming rate. In fact since the election we’ve covered the fact that hate crimes have spurred at an alarming rate. Oh it’s so much better than rioting they tell us! They’re the more sophisticated hatemongers! In what fucking world are either of these things OK? Take a look at what Sean Hannity is saying – he’s declared himself an enemy of the first amendment! Hey Sean Hannity you do realize that as a member of the press, if freedom of the press were overturned you’d be directly affected??? Apparently not.

Last night, Hannity said at the opening of his show:

HANNITY: And tonight, President-elect Donald Trump beats down the abusively biased alt radical left mainstream media. Trump senior adviser Kellyanne Conway will join us in a few minutes. But first, the president-elect is now fighting back against the press that openly colluded with the Clinton campaign and that tried to undermine his candidacy every single step of the way.

This, from the guy who flew colleague Newt Gingrich to meet with Trump in order to push Gingrich as a VP pick; from the network that leaked information about a debate question to Trump before the first Republican candidates’ debate; from the network whose CEO was advising Trump as early as June, 2015.

Hannity went on to suggest that CNN is not worthy to cover Hannity’s beloved Trump because contributor Van Jones “viciously attacked Donald Trump on a consistent basis.”

This would be funny were it not so despicable. Jones is a contributor because he’s paid to give his opinion. So is Hannity but he does it for a full hour, five nights a week. It’s hard to think of anyone who spends more time viciously attacking anyone he disagrees with politically. How much time did Hannity devote to meritless smears about Hillary Clinton's health? Hannity also helped promote his beloved Trump’s bogus birtherism. And how about Hannity’s campaign to promote criminal Cliven Bundy’s armed insurrection against the U.S.? I could go on and on about Hannity’s viciousness but I think you get the idea.

Read more at http://www.newshounds.us/_great_american_hannity_declares_himself_an_enemy_of_the_first_amendment_112316#1ahkTuj3RstYhblm.99




Holy fuck! In one paragraph, Sean Hannity just declared war on the one thing that keeps him employed! It’s that pesky first amendment. You know the thing that guarantees you freedom of speech, the press, religion, and the right to protest, and methinks Sean does that just a little too much! You know Sean, if freedom of the press were abolished, under state run TV, there are no opinion networks! So what happens next? Now that Trump has won, his supporters aren’t taking things lying down! No sir / madam! Look at what happened on this flight on Delta over the weekend.

Man Calls Passengers “Hillary Bitches” During Pro-Trump Rant On A Flight

A man on a Delta flight on Tuesday went on a pro-Trump rant, telling passengers, “We got some Hillary bitches on here,” according to widely-shared video on social media.

The video showed the man mid-rant, appearing to ask passengers if they voted for Trump or Clinton.
“Donald Trump, baby!” the man was heard saying.
He then pointed to another passenger saying, “That’s right, this man knows what’s up.”

He then appeared to address some other passengers saying, “We got some Hillary bitches on here.”

“Donald Tump! He’s your president, every goddamn one of you. If you don’t like it, too bad,” the man said before taking his seat.

He was reportedly taken away by flight attendants for “at least 15 minutes” before he returned to his seat.
https://www.buzzfeed.com/tasneemnashrulla/man-calls-female-passengers-hillary-bitches-during-pro-trump?bftwnews&utm_term=.ggXWRwgAb#.mg2WLvNDm


Yes there’s a clip of this. But my favorite thing is about how the airline responded:

The CEO of Delta Airlines responded Monday to a video of a man berating “Hillary bitches” on a flight last week, defending the flight crew’s decision not to kick the man off the plane but saying that he would not be allowed on a Delta flight again.

“After questioning the customer, our team members made the best decision they could given the information they had and allowed him to remain on the flight,” CEO Ed Bastian’s memo to staff reads in part. “However, if our colleagues had witnessed firsthand what was shown in the video, there is no question they would have removed him from the aircraft.”

The memo states that passengers on the Tuesday morning flight from Atlanta to Allentown, Pennsylvania would be refunded the cost of their tickets and that the man in the video “will never again be allowed on a Delta plane.”

In a video posted to Facebook by Emma Baum, one of the passengers on the flight is seen standing up from his seat and yelling about Donald Trump to the rest of the plane.

Read more: http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/delta-bans-trump-supporter-viral-video-rant




There’s also one more incident that I need to report on. So Donald Trump made pussy grabbing a thing and it’s an extremely horrible, low taste, no class type of thing. Well one guy took this just a little too far:

According to a letter sent out by Vice President for Student Development Tony Chambers, a student at the college started a campaign to let students and others express their feelings about the outcome of the election by placing notes on a table in the commons.

One note — bearing the phrase “Suck it up, pussies!” — was placed on the inside window of the Office of Student Diversity and Inclusion, eliciting outrage within the traumatized academic community.

According to the letter, “A group of cross-functional college staff representing campus security, student conduct, human resources, Title IX enforcement, and diversity and inclusion measures convened Tuesday morning to discuss how to address the hateful message,” the letter continued. “The group determined that the message constituted a Hate Crime, based on guidelines from the Jeanne Clery Act and state law. In accordance with the policies and procedures set forth in the Edgewood College Student Code of Conduct, this incident has been reported to the Madison Police Department and is currently being investigated as a Hate Crime.”

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/volokh-conspiracy/wp/2016/11/25/edgewood-college-calls-the-police-over-suck-it-up-post-it-note/?utm_term=.3f8193b38e10




I like that one!


White Supremacists


Spin it to win it! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! Clip without context!



That is actually very fitting for this next entry. Spin it again! Nazis!



So once again we use the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot to talk about white supremacists and white supremacy because let’s face it, in the era of Donald Trump, it’s going to get a whole lot worse. I mean just last week we talked about how a Maggiano’s restaurant in a DC suburb unknowingly hosted a white power rally starring the self proclaimed second coming of Hitler, Tila Tequila. Which protest organizers are already declaring a win:

When the Italian restaurant Maggiano's hosted a dinner for a white heritage think tank last week, protesters demonstrated outside and even briefly entered the building, though they were unable to reach the diners.

Ultimately, the Friendship Heights establishment apologized for "inadvertently hosting this meeting, which resulted in hateful sentiment," and pledged their profits from the evening to the D.C. office of the Anti-Defamation League.

"I really think that Friday was a win," says Mike Isaacson, an organizer with Smash Racism DC. "Maggiano's made a genuine apology and donated as a token of atonement."

He takes the restaurant at its word when representatives say they didn't know that the National Policy Institute was a white nationalist group. Former reality star turned neo Nazi Tila Tequila posted a photo of herself and two men doing a Nazi salute in Maggiano's.
http://dcist.com/2016/11/organizer_calls_maggianos_protest_a.php




You know, there are no winners here. Either way, if you willingly attend a white power rally hosted by former reality star and current psych ward poster girl Tila Tequila, you’re still a loser!



Which brings me to the main entry this week. So if you’re a Holocaust survivor, there’s nothing I can say about what happened. And we’ll never, ever make fun of that. But…we can make fun of this! So this happened:

(CNN) A Holocaust-themed ice skating routine on a Russian reality television show, involving the wife of a high-level aide to President Vladimir Putin, has sparked outrage around the world.

The act was based on the award-winning 1997 Italian film, "Life is Beautiful," which tells the story of a Jewish father who tries to hide his son from the horrors of the Holocaust through humor and games.

In the routine, set to Israeli singer Noa's "Beautiful That Way" from the film's soundtrack, former Olympic ice skater Tatiana Navka and her dance partner Andrei Burkovsky dance in the striped pajamas and yellow six-pointed stars which Jewish victims of Nazi concentration camps were forced to wear.

At the end, Burkovsky is heard being shot as Navka stands alone, looking grieved.

Read more: http://www.cnn.com/2016/11/27/europe/russian-ice-skating-holocaust-trnd/index.html


I have nothing further to add except:




Who’s (Not) Playing Donald Trump’s Inaugural?


Let’s spin the wheel one final time this week! And it lands on………………… Santa!




Actually this story is more Bad Santa than Elf. Let’s explain further:

A Santa Claus impersonator at a mall in Sanford, Florida was relieved of his duties after a woman said the Santa told her daughter that Hillary Clinton is on the naughty list this year, News 6 Orlando reported Friday.

The man then laughed after breaking the news to the child.

The mother at the Seminole Town Centre lodged a complaint with management on Tuesday night after the incident.

She said that her daughter was asked what she wanted for Christmas, being insured that she was on the nice list. The Santa then offered up some information on Clinton to the child, News 6 reported.
http://freebeacon.com/politics/santa-replaced-hillary-naughty/




Spin it again! Music! So if you need any proof that there is no Santa (sorry kids) then look no further than Donald Trump’s inaugural address. If you need any further proof how stupid republicans are when it comes to music, I outlined this back in Idiots #37. So who could it be? It could be Elton John!

Elton John will perform at Donald Trump’s inauguration, claimed a key adviser, who championed the billionaire as the first president ever to enter the White House with a “pro-gay rights” stance.

“Elton John is going to be doing our concert on the mall for inauguration,” Anthony Scaramucci, a member of the presidential transition team executive committee as well as a vice chair of the presidential inaugural committee, told BBC’s “HARDtalk.”

Having the “Rocket Man” singer perform, he continued, “shows our commitment to gay rights.”
http://nypost.com/2016/11/23/key-adviser-claims-elton-john-will-play-at-trumps-inauguration/




Except it isn’t:

In what could be the least shocking music story of the week, a representative for Elton John is firmly denying that the British pop legend will be performing at Donald Trump’s inauguration on January 20, 2017. This revelation, so obvious that it barely needs to have been made at all, comes in response to a recent comment made by Anthony Scaramucci, a member of the Trump transition team and vice chair of the inaugural committee, to BBC World News. “This will be the first American president in US history,” Scaramucci explained on BBC HARDtalk, “that enters the White House with a pro-gay rights stance. Elton John is going to be doing our concert on the Mall for the inauguration.”
http://www.avclub.com/article/no-elton-john-not-playing-donald-trumps-inaugurati-246408


Strike one!


OK maybe keeping in Britain, how about the Rolling Stones? Seems like a logical fit – Donald Trump used their hit “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” as his campaign song.

The Rolling Stones will have first dibs on playing Donald Trump’s Presidential Inauguration in January, according to a source speaking to DMN. The source is dialed into the touring schedule of the band, specifically through massive concert touring agency AEG. That includes various offers and tour proposals.

The Inauguration offer itself is hard to believe, given a history of animosity between Donald Trump and the Rolling Stones. But the offer could be construed as an olive branch from Trump, and an opportunity for the Stones to unify warring factions.

An Inauguration performance may also include a juicy paycheck. During the campaign, Justin Bieber was reportedly offered $5 million to play a Republican event. The offer was declined, following rumored opposition from manager Scooter Braun.
http://www.digitalmusicnews.com/2016/11/17/rolling-stones-donald-trump-inauguration/


Better. Closer. Warmer. Except they won’t be doing that.

For the Rolling Stones, the Tuesday night opening of their Exhibitionism showcase in New York was not a time for politics.

But Donald Trump has loomed large over the band in recent months, thanks to the president-elect’s song of choice at his rallies: the Stones classic You Can’t Always Get What You Want.

In keeping with the song’s title, Mick Jagger wasn’t able to dodge every question about Trump on the red carpet for their art opening, an event that reunited the singer with bandmates Keith Richards, Charlie Watts and Ronnie Wood.
http://www.usatoday.com/story/life/music/2016/11/16/mick-jagger-responds-donald-trump-exhibition/93950998/


Strike two!


OK so let’s further explore the musical spectrum here – what about someone who needs something to do, like former Motley Crue singer Vince Neil?

The longtime Mötley Crüe frontman Vince Neil is set to perform at Donald Trump’s presidential inauguration in Washington DC on 20 January.

Neil told Billboard he will perform with his own band, having been asked about his availability “months ago”.

“The promoters asked if I was available, and I said yes,” Neil said. “So we sent all of the band’s passports to the Secret Service so everybody can get in, and all of the crew people, not knowing who was winning. But we were already scheduled to play.”
https://www.theguardian.com/music/2016/nov/18/motley-crue-vince-neil-presidential-inauguration-donald-trump


Except he won’t be doing that:

Washington (CNN)Rocker Vince Neil was singing a different tune Friday night after he said in an interview that he would be playing at President-elect Donald Trump's inauguration -- only to walk back the comments hours later when he was told the invitation was rescinded.
Earlier in the day, Billboard published an interview with the Mötley Crüe frontman saying he was contacted about playing in Washington "months ago" and the gig was set before Trump's upset victory.
http://www.cnn.com/2016/11/18/politics/vince-neil-donald-trump-inauguration/


Striiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike three!!!!!


But it seems nobody wants to play Trump’s inaugural. Might want to get out the sad Hulk music:



When Barack Obama was elected president, Beyoncé and Aretha Franklin performed at his inauguration. When he campaigned for re-election, beloved indie band The National played and ended up holding clipboards and registering voters for him in a key swing state.

President-elect Donald Trump, however, has a distinct lack of supporters in the world of music (Azealia Banks is about the only person I can think of), and it seems he’s struggling to land an act for his 20 January inauguration.

Earlier in the week, a member of his Transition Team went on record to say Sir Elton John would play it, in a pro-LGBTQ move, only for John to vehemently deny this. “I’m not a Republican in a million years,” he previously said when Trump used ‘Tiny Dancer’ for his campaign, “why not ask Ted fucking Nugent?
http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/music/news/no-one-seems-to-want-to-play-donald-trumps-inauguration-a7436531.html


Well on the plus side, I hear Kanye West is available!

And Now This:
Florence & The Machine

Ladies and gentlemen, playing their song “No Light No Light” from their album “How Big, How Bold, How Beautiful”, please welcome Florence & The Machine!





Yeah how about that?

See you next week!

Florida Mall Santa Fired After Telling Kids Hillary Clinton Is On Naughty List

A Santa Claus impersonator at a mall in Sanford, Florida was relieved of his duties after a woman said the Santa told her daughter that Hillary Clinton is on the naughty list this year, News 6 Orlando reported Friday.

The man then laughed after breaking the news to the child.

The mother at the Seminole Town Centre lodged a complaint with management on Tuesday night after the incident.

She said that her daughter was asked what she wanted for Christmas, being insured that she was on the nice list. The Santa then offered up some information on Clinton to the child, News 6 reported.
http://freebeacon.com/politics/santa-replaced-hillary-naughty/




Dumb Criminals: Florida (Obviously) Man Arrested for Demanding Car, Claiming He's Jesus

A man calling himself “Satan” walked into a Jacksonville Toyota dealership and demanded a hell of a deal — unless he got a car, he was going to shoot everyone.

It all happened at Keith Pierson Toyota on Youngerman Circle in Jacksonville on Thursday. According to ActionNewsJax.com, the man told an employee that he was “Satan, sent by Jesus.”

Claudy Pierson, co-owner of the car dealership told the website, “They walked him over here to one of our desks and he sits over there with one of our sales associates and one of the managers. He told the manager that he has a gun.”

The man allegedly threatened to shoot employees if they didn’t get him a car, the website reported. He also said he wanted to make sure all the gay people were gone from Earth.

According to the report, fearful employees hid in a locked room while waiting for Jacksonville Police to arrive. And they waited, and waited and waited.
http://www.orlandosentinel.com/features/gone-viral/os-satan-florida-car-dealership-20161118-story.html


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