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Initech

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Member since: Sat Apr 2, 2005, 03:11 PM
Number of posts: 52,467

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Top 10 Conservative Idiots #28: Wheel O’Corruption 4: Age Of Extinction Edition


Top 10 Conservative Idiots #28: Wheel O’Corruption 4: Age Of Extinction Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! So I went to the KROQ Weenie Roast last week. And the show was so much fun. Garbage stole the show (and Shirley Manson fell off the stage), Blink 182 was great, and Panic! At The Disco covered Queen’s famous hit “Bohemian Rhapsody in its’ entirety. But a bit of an unfortunate thing happened. Can we roll the tape on that?



Yeah in between Panic At The Disco and Empire of the Sun, the Red Hot Chili Peppers made an unfortunate announcement that Anthony Keidis had to be rushed to the hospital and that they couldn’t perform that night. It shocked the crowd but thankfully the almighty Weezer stepped up and really got the crowd going for the final performance that night. But it was still a pretty awesome show. We got a lot of idiocy to cover this week. But first – John Oliver absolutely owned a favorite punching bag of the Top 10 – Maine governor Paul Le Page (who I called the American Rob Ford in a previous edition) :


So we are going to bring back the Wheel O’Corruption for this week’s edition. So where do we begin this week? Well our number one slot is going to go to Citizens United (1). They’re making a batshit crazy new documentary starring Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson that is going to blame Hollywood stars and the flaunting of their sexuality for inspiring middle eastern terrorist groups. Taking the second spot is the Bathroom Police (2). They are turning up the harassment way past 11 this week. Meanwhile the Christian Right (3) is all but declaring a holy war against America’s LGBT community. It also turns out they’re in an awkward spot over Donald Trump’s rise to the top of the GOP flock while Franklin Graham unleashes some good old fashioned fire and brimstone preaching. In the fourth slot is Donald Trump. How could we not talk about all things Trumpenfuror this week? Last week’s returning champion George Zimmerman (5) falls to number 5 this week. The gun sold and he can’t stop being a colossal dick. In the number 6 spot is Alex Jones. He has an absurd claim that Michelle Obama is a guy, while an Infowars guest thinks Hillary Clinton might be coming to kill him. At number 7, Arkansas senator Tom Cotton (7) thinks America doesn’t have enough prisoners. Taking the number 8 slot, we’re going to introduce you to Virginia congressional candidate Mike Webb (8) who got caught with his pants down – both literally and figuratively. In the number 9 slot is Bill O’Reilly (9). He’s doing that GOP thing of attacking feminists again. Sigh. Finally this week we’re going to talk baseball. You guys and gals like baseball? Specifically there was a massive brawl between the Toronto Blue Jays and the Texas Rangers, that was the direct result of last year’s ALDS that we will go into the kind of detail that you expect from the Top 10! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!


Citizens United


Come on everyone let’s say it with me! It’s time for the “Wheel O’ Corruption!!!”

And of course if we had a bigger budget we’d have our own graphics and theme music. The wheel is back everybody!! And yes just like last time I’ll talk about whatever the wheel lands on. But remember that if it lands on the Guacamole option that it costs $1.50 extra. So this week the items on the wheel will be:
- Gun Nuts
- Donald Trump
- Go Directly To Jail
- Clip Without Context
- Guacamole
- 5,000
- Poison
- Poison (The Band)
- Captain America
- Bankrupt
- Satan
- Buy A Vowel
- A Random Trailer
- Food
- Whammy
- Public Relations
- Fire And Brimstone
- Baseball
- VR Headset
- Prison
- Get Out Of Jail Free
- Pornography
- 10,000
- Celebrity Look Alikes
- Fox News
- Double Whammy
- 15,000
- Local News
- Fire & Brimstone
- Rocky
- Sex Scandals
- Racism
- Something random in the news
- ??? (Mystery)
- Florida (Obviously)
- Infowars
- Lightning Round
- Bonus Spin

So let’s get that going! Spin that shit! And it lands on…. Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy…. Stop! And it lands on… Satan!




Spin it again! And it lands on… A Random Trailer. Well this one isn’t so random. Let’s play it first before we get into the first entry this week. Keep in mind that this has some NSFW content:



So Citizens United. You know them as the group that made that ultra conservative fact free Hillary bashing documentary “Hillary: The Movie”. Yes the same group that declared money is free speech and allowed ultra rich conservatives like the Kochs and the Waltons to pour unlimited amounts of money into campaigns. Well now that group is back and they have a documentary starring, of all people, Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson. And it’s going to say that ultra Islamic terrorist groups are the product of what happens when you remove God from the picture, and replace it with sex-obsessed pop stars like Miley Cyrus and Justin Beiber. And we all know how well this argument plays out, and it usually plays out extremely poorly. Well here’s what is going on:

“Duck Dynasty” star Phil Robertson will unveil his Hollywood bashing film “Torchbearers” at the Cannes Film Festival next week, a new report claims.

Robertson has reportedly teamed up with Citizens United to create a documentary that links “Nazis, Boko Haram, Islamist terrorists and abortion with celebrities who like to show off their sexuality like Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber, Jennifer Lopez, Kim Kardashian West and Kanye,” according to the Daily Mail.

The film makes the connection that these types of things occur when societies cut God and the Bible out of the picture, and you let “mere men” decide what’s right and wrong.

‘If there’s no God, what difference does it make if you’re a mass-murderer or a saint,” he said. “We’ll all be dead soon, so who cares?”

http://dailycaller.com/2016/05/10/duck-dynasty-star-to-unveil-movie-that-bashes-hollywood-at-cannes-video/

OMG!

Their argument is already flawed to begin with! “We’ll all be dead soon so who cares”? Then why are you pushing the godly angle? By your logic we should all just be serial killers or porn stars anyways! And who are these “mere men”? You know the entertainment industry is a business! You don’t have to buy their product! Let alone claim it’s responsible for, I don’t know, Boko Haram, the worst people on earth! Excuse me a minute…

So they made a movie to talk trash about people who make movies. That's not meta or anything. Kevin Smith did the same thing when he made Clerks in 1991. And Clerks II in 2006. And Clerks III in.... whenever that happens. You know what? Before we go any further, you know last week I talked about Phil Robertson’s “radical” bathroom idea (which is not that radical!), but I need to point that out again:

(CNN)Phil Robertson has "got a radical idea" on how to deal with the controversial transgender bathroom bill in North Carolina.
"Men should use the men's bathroom and women should use the women's bathroom," Robertson reportedly recently wrote. "Just because a man may 'feel' like a woman doesn't mean he should be able to share a bathroom with my daughter, or yours. That used to be called common sense. Now it's called bigoted."
http://www.cnn.com/2016/05/10/entertainment/phil-robertson-duck-dynasty-transgender/


Yeah that’s a “radical idea” in his eyes. Does he even know what the fuck the word “radical” means? So he thinks it’s common sense that trans people should not be allowed to use the bathroom of their choosing? A radical idea would be "leave trans people the fuck alone and stop harassing them!". Seriously their lives are already difficult enough, the last thing they need is Christian douchebags dictating to them which bathroom and changing room to use. Really there's more Christian douchebags harassing and threatening trans people than there are of trans people harassing well, anybody. Does he even know that the GOP has essentially declared open season on trans people just needing to pee? WTF???

Let’s continue:

Phil Robertson is diving back into the culture wars. And Lord, is he angry.

The 'Duck Dynasty' reality-TV patriarch's next in-your-face project is 'Torchbearer,' a film being screened next week for distributors at the Cannes film festival.

It's a fire and brimstone look at the decline of Europe and the United States from the viewpoint of an evangelical crusader. And the news from Robertson's perspective is not good.

Robertson says the Roman Empire's bloody debauchery, Robespierre's French Terror, the Nazi genocide, the Khmer Rouge, Boko Haram, the ISIS terror army, and America's embrace of abortion – yes, he goes there – are the predictable results of cutting God out of entire societies.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3582196/Duck-Commander-Phil-Robertson-hit-Cannes-culture-war-movie-says-Kim-Kanye-think-GODS-equates-abortion-advocates-Nazis-shows-grisly-ISIS-murders-Christians-vote-November.html


Explain to me how… the Nazi genocide is linked to “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” like 60 years before it first aired. Please enlighten me oh wise and angry duck hunter. He seems really obsessed with other people’s perversion doesn’t he? But this movie is going to screen at the Cannes Film Festival. Cannes!!! Where this happened:

No shoes? No problem! Julia Roberts proudly left her heels behind at the Cannes Film Festival 2016 red carpet on May 12. The Money Monster actress, who was attending the movie’s premiere, gave the hordes of photographers a huge surprise as she ascended the famed red carpet steps. Though she began the night in peep-toe platform heels, they were nowhere to be seen when she lifted up the hem of her pleated, off-the-shoulder Armani Prive dress to make the climb.
http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-style/news/julia-roberts-explains-why-she-went-barefoot-at-cannes-2016-w206754

But this is my favorite part of the argument:

Robertson strongly believes that if people violate the liberties that God has freely given them, then His wrath will definitely come. Right now, people are "swimming in a sea of depravity," and he hopes that "Torchbearer" will serve as a wake-up call for them to seek God and ask for forgiveness.

"It's impossible to govern the world without God and the Bible. So here we are, so I think maybe hopefully, through this movie, this documentary, we'll change the hearts of some people. That's my goal," he says.

To make the film, Robertson and the rest of the cast and crew travelled to the Coliseum in Rome, visited French Revolution sites in Paris, and walked through the beaches of Normandy and the Auschwitz concentration camp in Poland.

http://www.christiantoday.com/article/phil.robertson.talks.about.latest.film.torchbearer.says.its.eerily.breathtaking/85971.htm


Yes it is!!! It's entirely possible to run a government without the Bible! This notion has only been around the last 40 years! On the world happiness index the highest scoring country is Switzerland and they’re the neutral country! The US is ranked 15th! And we’d be even less under a totalitarian theocracy! I am using way too many exclamation points again!




The Bathroom Police


Give it a good strong spin! And… boom! I win 5,000! Of what we still don’t know what that 5,000 is. But it’s 5,000 of something. So… good, I guess? Let’s spin it again! And it lands on… wait for it…. Bathrooms!

You know folks, this bathroom thing is getting ridiculously out of control, Before we begin to get into the shit the bathroom police are doing this week, read this first hand encounter of what exactly happened when a woman tried to use a Target bathroom this week:

I was alone in the restroom. There were two large handicap-access stalls, complete with baby-changing tables, and two regular stalls. I headed all the way down to the farthest single stall, up against the wall, and I sat down to take care of business.

That's when stuff got weird.

The outer door opened, and someone came in. She walked past the three open stalls and stood directly in front of my door. Then she leaned over and placed her eye firmly up against the gap between the door and the frame and stared in at me.
http://www.sheknows.com/living/articles/1120615/target-bathroom


That is just the beginning. The bathroom debate has made it OK for batshit crazy fundies to declare open season on just about anyone using public bathrooms. Like look what happened at a Target last week in Minnesota – and this is supposedly a blue state. And by the way – Wonkette trashes this woman and this line of thinking:

Big sale on Kibbles? Clean-up in aisle 6? No, just kidding, she has a message, which we will transcribe in full because it’s just that bugfuck insane:
Do not be deceived! Target would have you believe with their Mother’s Day displays that they love mothers and children! This is a deception! This is not love! And they’ve proven it by opening their bathrooms to perverted men! I am a mother of 12, and I am very disgusted by this wicked practice!

Target does not protect mothers and children! Mothers, get your children out of this store! Mothers, have enough decency to get out of this store! It’s a dangerous place! This is not loving! What Target has done is very hateful! It’s hateful towards families! It’s hateful towards mothers! It’s hateful towards children!
America, when are you going to wake up? When are you going to stand up for the right things for America? Are you going to let the Devil rape your children, America? It’s time to stand up and have a voice! Instead of bowing to the homosexual perverted agenda that’s taking over this nation! You need to run and flee this place!
I wouldn’t spend a penny of my money here! This is wicked! This is confusion! This is twisted! This is … abominable in the sight of God! It’s evil!!!
http://wonkette.com/601869/crazy-christian-lady-sick-and-tired-of-satan-raping-her-babies-at-target#E7TstJsAvXVrL2vi.99


But just a reminder of the complete lack of logic surrounding this madness – overpopulation is fine and dandy, but a trans man / woman just needing to pee? Why that’s the spawn of Satan! In fact the harassment is continuing at an alarming rate. Here’s more:

A video posted by a Connecticut woman named Aimee Toms is making headlines, after she says a stranger verbally attacked her inside a Walmart bathroom on Friday after mistaking her for being transgender.

Toms, who identifies as cisgender—a term for people who identify with the sex they were assigned at birth—said she was washing her hands, when the woman called her "disgusting" and attempted to order her out of bathroom, the Connecticut Post reports.
http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2016/05/walmart-bathroom-aimee-toms-transgender


So now they’re against donating hair to young girls with cancer? What the fuck has our society come to?

And there’s yet more:

MESQUITE (CBSDFW.COM) – A Forney woman says a Ross department store in Mesquite let a man into the women’s dressing room Monday.

“I was in the dressing room, when we heard a man’s voice,” said Lisa Stickles, who says she quickly told a manager. “She went inside the dressing room, came right back out and called me to the side and told me… he was representing himself as a woman today,” Stickles said.

A customer service representative with Ross would not comment on the alleged incident but said they do not discriminate against the transgender community; adding, customers may use changing rooms that apply to their gender identity.

“What about me? Or my feelings?” said Sickles. “(The manager) told me that if I felt uncomfortable in the dressing room with him there… I’d have to wait until he’s finished.”
http://dfw.cbslocal.com/2016/05/17/shopper-upset-man-allowed-to-use-womens-dressing-room-in-ross/


Your feelings? Your feelings of hate and bigotry??? Go cue the world’s tiniest violin:

And play the Sad Hulk Music while you’re at it.


And by the way remember when I said I’d post an actual fundie sex crime every time they’re obligated to harass an innocent trans person just needing to pee or use a changing facility? Well this is what happened this week:

http://www.nwaonline.com/news/2016/may/11/ex-pastor-in-sherwood-faces-child-porn-/?news-arkansas#/

David G. Reynolds, 40, faces 70 felony counts of distributing, possessing or viewing of matter depicting sexually explicit conduct involving a child, the Sherwood Police Department said in a news release Tuesday.

Police said they were tipped off in January that an Internet account in Sherwood had accessed a social media account that contained "multiple images" of child pornography and exploitation.


And here’s another. It’s getting quite disturbing. It’s almost as if fundies are trying to pass trans people off as a boogeyman while they get away with some of the most horrible shit imaginable. Like this guy in Iowa who stole almost half a million from a charity to pay for his sex addiction:

What’s the best way to fund your sex addiction in a way that no one will suspect? There aren’t a lot of better ways than setting up a Christian charity and embezzling the money. The Associated Press, via The News & Observer, reports that Cedar Rapids, Iowa resident Jon S. Petersen has pleaded guilty to moving $475,000 worth of donations from his Christian nonprofit organization to his personal account to pay for his apparently expensive sex habits.

The 55-year-old Petersen is the president and co-founder of World Ambassadors, Ltd., a group that specializes in offering Christian outreach to international students on college campuses. The AP says that the key piece of evidence against him revolved around “his personal 2013 tax filing, when he failed to report $114,000 diverted from the group as taxable income.
https://www.rawstory.com/2016/05/christian-charity-boss-admits-to-embezzling-475000-in-donations-to-pay-for-his-sex-addiction/






The Christian Right


Entering the spin zone! And it lands on…………….. Satan! Hit it!




Spin it again! And it lands on……. Satan again! Seriously! Three times this week! Is the devil possessing the wheel? Maybe I can get a bonus spin out of it?



Let’s try it again, maybe we can get the wheel unstuck. OK my producer is telling me we have the crew coming out to fix it. I’ll just sit here and play Angry Birds while we’re waiting. Can we get some intermission music?


OK we’re back! Let’s try it one more time and see if we can get the wheel unstuck. Spin it! And it lands on……….. wait for it………… fire and brimstone. So this week in response to North Carolina’s controversial HB-2, Franklin Graham is suggesting to America’s Christian community that the anti-LGBT belief is so strong, they should start a holy war and start taking a bullet for their beliefs:

http://www.back2stonewall.com/2016/05/franklin-graham-real-christians-bullet-anti-lgbt-beliefs.html

Crazy as a bedbug Franklin Graham posting on his Facebook page:

“What would you take a bullet for? What are the principles and beliefs that you would not compromise under any circumstances? Even if it meant putting your life on the line? King Nebuchadnezzar who reigned over Babylon issued a decree that everyone worship the golden image he had made. Three men who knew the one true and living God, refused to worship the king’s idol—their names were Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. The king told them, ‘But if you do not worship, you shall be cast immediately into the midst of a burning fiery furnace.’ Here is their bold reply:

“’O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. If that is the case, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us from your hand, O king. But if not, let it be known to you, O king, that we do not serve your gods, nor will we worship the gold image which you have set up’ (Daniel 3:16-18).




But here’s where things get scary. So batshit crazy off the deep end, end times conspiracy theory pastor Rick Wiles has been calling the Obama administration the “command center” of the “homosexual revolution” and saying “Satan will rape your babies”.

“Trunews” host Rick Wiles lit into the Obama administration (or, as he calls it, “the command center of the Obama homosexual revolution”) on Monday over its letter on facility access for transgender students in public schools. Wiles predicted that most parents and school officials will “cave” and “sacrifice their children at the altar of sexual perversion,” while those who protest will be “beaten in the streets with batons” and “hosed down with firehoses.” “I’m going to tell you where I think we’re going: civil war,” he said. “I believe this is the opening shot from Obama for civil war.” He added: “I’m not calling for violence. I’m calling for massive civil disobedience. Shut down the system. My God, what do we have to do? They’re coming after your innocent children! Just when do you get off of your fat rear end and do something? I’m so sick and tired of these cowards in the churches. Lazy, worthless cowards! They’re coming for your children! They’re coming right into your schools to pervert your children!” This led Wiles to go on a birther-tinged rant about how President Obama (and Satan) intend to “rape your children”:

- See more at: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/rick-wiles-obama-and-satan-will-rape-your-children#sthash.rnTMYqJN.dpuf


What are these people smoking? Maybe a combination of meth and bath salts?


And here’s where things get certifiably insane. Batshit crazy end times conspiracy theory pastor John Hagee said that Americans would incur the “wrath of God” if they didn’t vote for Trump. Actually, we probably will incur God's wrath by voting for Donald Trump. If you recall previous elections, Hagee was actually turned down an endorsement offer by John McCain for basically saying the same thing!

http://www.addictinginfo.org/2016/05/18/john-hagee-vote-for-trump-or-face-the-wrath-of-god-video/

It’s funny how extreme right-wing Christians always think they know what their God is thinking about politics, especially since most of the candidates who say that God told them to run for president never even get the nomination, much less become president. Well, another such right-wing Christian has added his voice to this narrative: Pastor John Hagee. On the Tuesday edition of his show Hagee Hotline, the fiery preacher issued a dire warning: Vote for Donald Trump in November, or God will come for you. Hagee warned that “God will not hold us harmless,” and that voting is an imperative duty. He continued to rant:

“I’m going to vote for the candidate that’s going to make the U.S. military great again. I’m going to vote for the party that is going to solve the immigration problem, not the one that has created the immigration problem. I’m going to support the party that brings jobs back from China … I’m not going to vote for the party that has betrayed Israel for the past seven years.”




But things got even crazier on Rick Wiles’ show when they just said “fuck it” and started making shit up about campaign finance laws and constitutional term limits. Before I get into this one did anyone see Bill Maher’s new rules last week on “smug liberals” who “want facts”? That was a great one. Let’s roll tape on that!



Now let’s roll the tape on Zack Drew shall we?


Zack Drew, the co-host of “The Jim Bakker Show,” hosts his own program called “Revelation In The News,” where this week he read a prophecy from 2011 in which God told a man named Mark Taylor about His plans to bring Donald Trump into the White House.
Taylor has told far-right radio host Rick Wiles that God will sicken and even kill people who may get in the way of Trump’s presidential bid. Trump seriously considered running for president in the 2012 election cycle, when Taylor claims that God spoke to him about the prophecy.
While Drew and his co-hosts didn’t necessarily accept the prophecy, they found it quite compelling. But Taylor’s prophecy, as read by Drew, included a message that wasn’t, well, exactly accurate: “The spirit of God says that in this next election, they will spend billions to keep this president in. It will be like flushing their money down the toilet. Let them waste their money for it comes from and it is being used by evil forces at work, but they will not succeed, for this next election will be a clean sweep for the man I have chosen.”
Obviously, Trump did not run for president in 2012, and President Obama was re-elected.
- See more at: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/donald-j-trump-will-be-ushered-white-house-hand-almighty#sthash.maXSu7mK.bOLDTsMU.dpuf




Never thought I’d use a meme with Dr. Phil in it! And then here’s where a prayer breakfast ended extremely poorly when a Catholic Cardinal told the crowd how god was being removed from society because of these “bathroom bills” (which, um, don’t exist anywhere) :

Recent events in the U.S. are destroying Americans' ability to connect to God, according to Cardinal Robert Sarah, a native of the West African nation of Guinea.

In a keynote address at the National Catholic Prayer Breakfast in Washington, D.C., Tuesday, Cardinal Sarah said that in the United States, "God is being eroded, eclipsed, liquidated," Catholic News Agency reports.

Cardinal Sarah pointed out specific events "in the name of 'tolerance'" that have contributed to this erosion, including "the legalization of same sex marriage, the obligation to accept contraception within health care programs, and even 'bathroom bills' that allow men to use the women’s restrooms and locker rooms."

<snip>
http://www.usnews.com/news/articles/2016-05-18/cardinal-robert-sarah-claims-god-is-being-eroded-eclipsed-liquidated-in-the-united-states


But in the interest of the Top 10, let’s do some top 10 fact checking about LGBT rights in Guinea:

Article 325.
Any indecent act or act against nature committed with an individual of the same sex will be punished by imprisonment of six months to three years and a fine of 100,000 to 1,000,000 Guinean francs. If the act was committed with a minor under 21 years of age, the maximum sentence must be pronounced. If the act was consummated or attempted with violence or attempted violence, the guilty person will be condemned to five to ten years of imprisonment.

<snip>
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_in_Guinea





Donald Trump


Spin that shit! And it lands on…. Sweet, I get a bonus spin! Spin it again! Buy a vowel. Sure. I’ll buy a vowel. O please! OK we got 3 letters in place. I’ll solve the puzzle. Um… Top 10 Conservative Idiots. What? That’s wrong? What did I wager? All 5,000? No!!!


Spin it again. Donald Trump. So before we get into all things Trumpenfuror this week, first read this first hand encounter from Melania Trump herself about how they stayed in a “commoner hotel” like the Holiday Inn. This shows you how out of touch they are. I bet they’re readers of Gwyneth Paltrow’s GOOP blog. I mean where else on the internet is a cure for depression listed as "fly to New York City, stay in a penthouse, get a full back massage, and buy a $1,000 gold covered sundae from Serendipity 3?". Yeah that's right. For a rich person the solution to depression always has to be to find someway to say "fuck you" to poor people, am I not right about that? Because that's exactly what the Trumps did here. “Oh I stayed where the serfs stayed and ate their steam tray breakfast buffets, swam in their community pools and used their bolted down hair dryers when I was done! It was fun!”. Seriously, where do you even find eggs like that? Getting off track here, read this from NPR about how evangelical voters are in an awkward position because they hate Trumpenfuror:

Donald Trump likes to tout his popularity among conservative Christians, who make up a key voting base within the Republican Party. But even with Trump as the de facto nominee, some evangelicals say they're unsure about voting for him — as a matter of conscience.

At Fort Des Moines Church of Christ, a sign on the front lawn reads, "Abortion is America's Holocaust." Inside, after a rehearsal for Sunday's service, Pastor Mike Demastus sat down to talk about the state of the presidential race. He describes Trump as "morally loathsome."
http://www.npr.org/2016/05/16/478176365/many-evangelicals-are-in-an-awkward-place-with-trump-atop-gop


Yes, Trump is “morally loathsome” according to evangelical voters. Despite all the crap they do and get away with that we’ll cover much later in this edition. “I love the Bible, no one loves the Bible more than I do! I read the best verses and it has the best words!”. But with that out of the way, what has Trump done this week? Well first he devalued his own golf course:

The Trump National Golf Club in Westchester County, New York, with its lovingly manicured golf course, gently winding streams, stone bridges, 101-foot waterfall and an expansive clubhouse is, according to Donald Trump, reflective of “a true luxury lifestyle.”

Creating such a “memorable club” is not cheap: Trump wrote on a candidate disclosure form that the sprawling 147-acre private club bearing his name is worth “more than $50 million.”

But when it came time to value the property for tax purposes, his lawyers have argued that Trump National is really worth only $1.35 million. The proposed valuation has bewildered officials in the small town of Ossining, who said the new figure would cut Trump’s tax burden by 90 percent and dump that burden on everyone else.
http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/time-donald-trump-undersells-tax-time/story?id=39133709


“Well auditing is for stupid losers! See only winners like me know the real value of things! See, I never heard of this thing called… what’s that accounting term? Depreciation? What’s that?”

But then Trump once again got into it with Megyn Kelly. But this time around, Ms. Kelly turned the tables on Donald Trump and interviewed him the same way he’s treated her in the past:

For all the disgusting insults Donald Trump has lobbed at Fox News Channel anchor Megyn Kelly—from retweeting someone calling her a bimbo, to implying she was on her period while moderating a debate—even the most naïve observer of politics and media in the Age of Trump must have known that tonight was inevitable. And by “tonight,” I don’t just mean a television special—this particular one on the Fox broadcast network, and moderated by Kelly with Trump as her star guest. Equally preordained was the fact that, at a time when Rupert Murdoch, Roger Ailes, and most of the Fox News Channel have made their peace with Trump, Kelly would eventually conduct a fawning, boring, and pointless interview with the presumptive Republican nominee.
http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2016/05/17/megyn_kelly_interviews_donald_trump_and_they_are_in_love.html




But the real Trump fail comes this week when he named a list of 11 judges he would pick to replace Antonin Scalia:
JERSEY CITY, N.J. (AP) — Presumptive Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump has released a list of 11 potential Supreme Court justices he plans to vet to fill the seat of late Justice Antonin Scalia.

Trump's picks include Steven Colloton of Iowa, Allison Eid of Colorado and Raymond Gruender of Missouri.
Also on the list are: Thomas Hardiman of Pennsylvania, Raymond Kethledge of Michigan, Joan Larsen of Michigan, Thomas Lee of Utah, William Pryor of Alabama, David Stras of Minnesota, Diane Sykes of Wisconsin and Don Willett of Texas.
http://elections.ap.org/content/trump-unveils-list-11-potential-supreme-court-justices


Wait! Go back to the list for one minute! Why does Don Willett of Texas stand out on that list? Is it because he compared Donald Trump to Darth Vader? Why yes it is!!!

A Texas judge identified by Donald Trump on Wednesday as one of 11 people he would consider nominating to the U.S. Supreme Court has repeatedly mocked the presumptive Republican presidential nominee on social media.

Texas Supreme Court Justice Don Willett last month likened Trump to "Star Wars" villain Darth Vader in a Twitter post.

"'We'll rebuild the Death Star. It'll be amazing, believe me. And the rebels will pay for it.' —Darth Trump," Willett tweeted last month with a photo of the Death Star, the giant spherical spaceship built to carry a planet-destroying weapon in the first "Star Wars" movie.
http://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-election-trump-willett-idUSKCN0Y92UY?il=0


That is hilarious!



And by the way here’s where a Donald Trump supporter got caught with a gun and child porn. Holy crap!

(CNN)A Maryland man who was elected as a delegate for Donald Trump to the Republican National Convention has been charged with creation and possession of child pornography and possession of an illegal gun and explosives.

A federal grand jury indicted Caleb Bailey on Wednesday, following an investigation led by the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives according to court records.

The indictment alleges between March 2015 and this past January, Bailey attempted to use and did use a minor to engage in sexually explicit conduct to produce child pornography.

http://www.cnn.com/2016/05/19/politics/trump-delegate-child-porn-gun-explosives/index.html







George Zimmerman


Spin it!!!!!!!!!! Come on VR headset! Come on VR headset! And it lands on… something random in the news!


A South Carolina man seeking to “get back at” an unfaithful ex-girlfriend is facing criminal charges after a cop caught him spray painting the word "CHEETER" on the woman’s car.

Timothy Lee Trammell, 36, was nabbed Friday after a Union County Sheriff’s Office deputy spotted him vandalizing the auto outside a One Stop convenience store in the town of Jonesville. Trammell’s ex, cops report, works at the business.
http://thesmokinggun.com/buster/graffiti/south-carolina-cheeter-attack-023947



Ya know………… if you’re going to call your girlfriend a cheater, at least learn to spell “cheater” correctly.

Spin it again! Gun nuts. So last week we went into great detail about George Zimmerman’s proposed gun auction to sell the gun he used to kill Trayvon Martin. Well, unfortunately it’s going to sell for six figures. But not before Racist McShootface trolled the auction again (and sadly that wasn’t us) :


Zimmerman, who shot and killed the unarmed black teenager during an altercation at his Florida housing estate in February 2012, looks set to collect $138,900 for the Kel-Tec PF-9 9mm handgun after bidding closed midday on the website unitedgungroup.com.

But the final hour of the auction was disrupted by the reappearance of the type of fake bidders who wrecked Zimmerman’s two previous attempts to cash in on the firearm during auctions last week on a rival website. At one stage on Wednesday the highest offer of $137,600 was in the name of a user called Racist McShootface, whose profile was quickly deleted.

The eventual top bidder was a user named John Smith, whose successful offer was made in the auction’s final minute. No further details were listed for him on the website other than that he claimed to be based in Alabama.
http://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/may/18/george-zimmerman-sells-gun-trayvon-martin


So Racist McShootface strikes again ladies and gentlemen! But it did not stop there! In fact it continued. And the final bidder went to a mystery account with the name “John Smith” which has only led to further speculation who the buyer is. But do I need to remind people what Zimmerman plans to spend the money on? Anybody?

In the listing, Zimmerman says a portion of the proceeds would go toward fighting alleged violence against law enforcement by the Black Lives Matter movement and to stop anti-firearm rhetoric made by Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton.
The proceeds will also help pay for efforts to end the career of Angela Corey, who led the prosecution against Zimmerman, according to the post.
http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/trayvon-martin-george-zimmerman/os-george-zimmerman-gun-auction-20160512-story.html


Yes. He plans to spend that money to counter Black Lives Matter and to end the career of the woman who led the prosecution against him. Dick move, Zimmerman. And in case you were wondering, he might just be one of the most horrible people on earth.

A defiant George Zimmerman said in an interview published on Tuesday that he still has people seeking to buy the gun he used to kill Trayvon Martin. He also blamed the teen’s parents for their fatal 2012 encounter and accused them of exploiting it.

“They didn’t raise their son right. He attacked a complete stranger and attempted to kill him,” Zimmerman told The Daily Beast, adding, “Sybrina Fulton and Tracy Martin did everything they could to capitalize on her son’s death. She was never a mother figure to him. Tracy Martin couldn’t have cared less about their son. He treated him like a dog without a leash.”
http://www.rawstory.com/2016/05/george-zimmerman-smears-trayvon-martins-parents-they-didnt-raise-their-son-right/


Holy shit this guy is a dick. And he has absolutely ZERO right to tell anyone else about how to raise children, let alone the family of the teenager he MURDERED in an alleyway!!!! Go to hell, Zimmerman. You know I had a friend of mine that died unexpectedly from a massive heart attack this time last year. He’s gone. Way too early. And George Zimmerman is somehow still alive and getting rich off killing an unarmed black teenager. What the fuck is wrong with this picture? He should be sharing a prison cell with Martin Shkreli. If we can’t get him for murder, can we at least lock him up when he fails to fully report this income on his tax return next year? After all the photo that accompanies this article looks like something that comes from a Rick Ross video:



Ewwwww… excuse me a minute….




Alex Jones


Spin that shit! And it lands on…………. Oh Infowars. You know I hate to keep reporting on Infowars but they keep me coming back because they’re so batshit fucking crazy. They’re like Rush Limbaugh, only add in end times conspiracy theories, a slice of doomsday preppers, and a dash of some good old fashioned fire and brimstone preaching. But what has Alex Jones been up to this week? Well besides saying Michelle Obama is a man. And yes there is video of this. Let’s roll tape:


Right Wing Watch has posted a new clip of Jones talking about the reasons he thinks Michelle Obama is actually transgender. That in itself is pretty crazy, but then he goes off in an amazing new direction by suggesting that the first lady had Joan Rivers killed because she knew the truth about her dark secret.
“Don’t forget, the famous comedienne Joan Rivers said, ‘Of course everyone knows she’s a tranny,'” Jones says in the clip. “She’s dead serious, ‘She’s a man.’ Deader than a doornail in a routine operation where basically she had fire poured down her throat and was a fire-breathing goblin. Dead on arrival. Shoot your mouth off, honey, you will die.”
Things don’t get any less weird from there.
“I really think — her daughters don’t look like her — I really think this is some weird hoax they did again, just like he didn’t get sworn in on the Bible, it was the Quran,” Jones continued. “All this weirdness, I mean, I used to laugh at this stuff, but man, it’s all about rubbing our noses in it. I think it’s all an arranged marriage, it’s all completely fake and it’s this big sick joke because he’s obsessed with transgender, just like some weird cult or something. I think Michelle Obama is a man. I really do. I really do. I believe it.”
http://www.rawstory.com/2016/05/heres-why-people-dont-take-right-wing-evangelicals-so-seriously-anymore/



Alex Jones really believes this shit! And I mean it’s definitely not helping the great transgender bathroom debate. Go back to him singing “Dude Looks Like A Lady”. I mean wow, that might be the worst karaoke I’ve ever heard. And killing Joan Rivers?

I mean did you not see this about Giant stores in Washington, DC where a trans woman was actually denied bathroom access by the bathroom police and was subsequently sued by a trans man who was forced to wear a low cut shirt?
A security guard was arrested on Wednesday after harassing a trans woman trying to use the womens’ restroom inside a Washington D.C. grocery store, WRC-TV reported.
The unidentified guard was charged with simple assault after allegedly pushing the woman out of the bathroom inside the store, which is part of the Giant grocery chain.
http://www.rawstory.com/2016/05/d-c-security-guard-arrested-for-blocking-trans-woman-from-using-womens-restroom/


Hey Alex:


But things get even weirder than Alex Jones’ crazy theory that the first lady is a man, I give you the fact that he thinks Hillary Clinton might be trying to kill him! Roll tape!

Before he became Donald Trump‘s political hitman, Roger Stone spent years pushing scathing views about Bill and Hillary Clinton that have ranged from far right to conspiracy theory level. As Clinton and Trump push forward in their fight for the White House, Stone’s now convinced that the former Secretary of State might try to have him whacked.
Stone was asked by his presumptive best friend Alex Jones and Gary Heavin about whether he’s ever feared for his life after speaking out against the Clintons despite the “trail of bodies as far as you can see.” Stone replied that he has increased his security since he started talking about the affairs of the former president, and that his wife might try to have him assassinated.
http://www.mediaite.com/online/trump-ally-roger-stone-is-convinced-he-will-die-by-hillary-clintons-hand/


:crazy


Tom Cotton


Spin it to win it! Clip without context!



That’s real. That happened. Spin it again! And it lands on…….. Prison. Come because you got arrested by a cop after an all night bender, stay for the bad food and the workout sessions. I’m being told that joke backfired so I will consult one of the Top 10 lawyers on that one. OK… no more prison jokes for next time. So Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton doesn’t think we lock up enough Americans.

Let’s roll tape on that shall we?


Sen. Tom Cotton (R-Ark.) is criticizing efforts to reform America’s criminal justice system, arguing on Thursday that the country actually has an “under-incarceration problem” — even though the U.S. has the world’s largest prison population. 
Cotton gave a speech on criminal justice Thursday at the Hudson Institute, a conservative think tank in Washington, D.C. During his remarks, he argued that policy goals like reducing mandatory minimum sentences, restoring voting rights for felons and reducing barriers to employment for ex-offenders are misguided and “dangerous.”
“The claim that too many criminals are being jailed, that there is over-incarceration, ignores an unfortunate fact: For the vast majority of crimes, a perpetrator is never identified or arrested, let alone prosecuted, convicted and jailed,” Cotton said. “Law enforcement is able to arrest or identify a likely perpetrator for only 19 percent of property crimes and 47 percent of violent crimes. If anything, we have an under-incarceration problem.” 
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/tom-cotton-criminal-justice_us_573e3305e4b00e09e89e8cad?4zy2dhg5569vhd7vi


OMG. He went there. He actually argued that not enough Americans are locked up. Does he not know of this new thing called Google? America locks up more prisoners than like half of the rest of the world combined! In fact anyone can use Google to look up anything, and we went and found these crime statistics from a 2014 article – it’s slightly outdated but doesn’t mean the facts aren’t there:

1. The United States has 5% of the world's population, but 25% of the world's prisoners.
2. The total incarcerated population in the U.S. is a staggering 2.4 million — a 500% increase over the past 30 years. 
3. One in every 108 adults was in prison or jail in 2012.
4. One in 28 American children has a parent behind bars.  
5. At the end of 2007, 1 in 31 adults was behind bars, on probation or on parole.
6. Currently, 65 million Americans have a criminal record.
7. There are more people behind bars today for a drug offense than there were in 1980 for all offenses combined.
8. The U.S. spent $80 billion on incarceration in 2010 alone. 
9. About as many people were returned to prison just for parole violations in 2000 as were admitted in 1980 for all reasons combined.
10. Parole violators accounted for more than 35% of all prison admissions in 2000. Of those, only one-third were returned for a new conviction; the rest were returned for a technical violation, such as missing a meeting with the parole officer.

https://mic.com/articles/86519/19-actual-statistics-about-america-s-prison-system#.OfWl2rqOA


25% people! An estimated 65 million Americans have criminal records! 65 million!!! That number is staggeringly high, but apparently Mr. Cotton won’t rest until there’s half. OMG. And by the way, remember when John Legend won best song at the Oscars this year? Well the Washington Post did some fact checking and found some truth to his claim about American prisons:
To put it in perspective, that is still about 46 percent of state prisoners who are behind bars for non-violent crimes. With many states struggling with overcrowding in their prisons, governors across the country are looking for ways to lower their incarceration rates, starting with the large populations of non-violent offenders.
Prison reform would make the biggest difference for black Americans. As John Legend alluded to last night, America’s incarceration system is shot through with racial disparities. Some of the worst states are in the Midwest: In places like Wisconsin, Iowa and Minnesota, black people are 10 times more likely to be in state prison or local jail.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/govbeat/wp/2015/02/23/john-legend-is-right-prisons-are-disproportionately-black-the-worst-states-are-some-of-the-whitest/







Mike Webb


Let’s give the wheel a good strong spin, shall we? And it lands on… come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy stop!! No a whammy!!!



Spin that shit again! And it lands on… porno!




More specifically… we go to Virginia for this story. So in Virginia Congressional candidate Mike Webb was caught with his pants down – and in this case quite literally. And this is a guy who’s running on record to “restore accountability” and “create jobs”. Well after seeing this screen shot that he meant to post on Twitter, we know what kind of jobs he wants to create, if you know what I’m saying.

Mike Webb is a conservative candidate for the United States Congress (VA-8) and he’s hoping to bring “responsiveness and accountability” to Washington, D.C.

He is campaigning with a hands-on approach, insisting he does all of his own social media:

Unfortunately for Mike Webb, he’s probably now wishing he had someone running his social media. He shared a screenshot of his computer screen while trying to make a point (that was partial conspiracy theory) about trying to find employment and he forgot to close out a couple of tabs;
http://www.dailykos.com/stories/2016/5/16/1527124/-Conservative-congressional-candidate-shares-screenshot-forgets-to-close-porn-windows


Can we throw that screen shot up there?



And let’s zoom in on that:



Yes!!! He’s creating work for… sexy amateurs and tight bodies. I can imagine him as a strip club DJ – “Coming up next we have the lovely Layla ladies and gentlemen! Layla to the stage! Yes her name is just like the Eric Clapton song!”




Oh and this is my favorite part! You want to know what Mr. Webb’s excuse for the porn flub actually was? This is too fucking good!

“Curious by nature, I wanted to test the suggestion that somehow, lurking out in the pornographic world there is some evil operator waiting for the one in a gazillion chance that a candidate for federal office would go to that particular website and thereby be infected with a virus that would cause his or her FEC data file to crash the FECfile application each time that it was loaded on the day of the filing deadline, as well as impact other critical campaign systems,” Webb said in a characteristically lengthy message that also included accusations of malfeasance against some critics and local Republican party members.

https://www.arlnow.com/2016/05/17/webb-i-was-testing-porn-sites-for-viruses/


Yes!!! Ladies and gentlemen! He was testing for viruses! And let’s not overlook Symantec saying that you’re more likely to get a virus on a religious site than on a porn site. Well done! Take a bow!




Bill O’Reilly


Spin that shit! Where does the wheel land? Nobody knows! Ah it lands on Poison (The Band)! Finally we get to see what that one brings, shall we?



No… wrong Poison. Ah there we go!




Spin it again! And it lands on… Fox News. So now even the GOP’s biggest mouth piece – Fox News – is slowly warming up to the idea of a Donald Trump presidency. Even Bill O’Reilly is warming up to the idea that Donald Trump could actually be our next president! In fact you might remember from a couple of weeks ago when he freaked out after a reporter slammed him for giving Trumpenfuror some fair coverage. Can we roll tape on that?


I’ve never seen O’Reilly freak out the way he did when confronted with the plain fact that he’s giving Trump favorable coverage.
And notice his defense – he doesn’t deny that they gave him more coverage, but he actually says that Trump insulting people is “newsworthy” because it gets the network higher ratings.
But according to numbers and statistics, who are probably biased, Fox News is now being beat by CNN in a way they haven’t seen in fourteen years.
http://www.thepoliticalinsider.com/watch-bill-oreilly-freak-guest-slams-trump-bias/


Yes the “fair and balanced” Fox News is now getting beat by CNN!


But here’s where O’Reilly might be taking things a bit too far in his quest to defend Trumpenfuror. Maybe he’s going for a position to lead the WH Press Corps under Trump’s administration? Especially when he spouts sexist nonsense like this?

WOODWARD: Yeah. I didn't think it was one of their finest articles.

O'REILLY: Wait, wait. If I'm an editor and I know there is a feminist woman in my newsroom, who is brilliant because I think this woman is an excellent reporter, I don't let her report on a guy like Trump because Trump is the antithesis of that. And so I don't want any margin of error here, there are plenty of reporters who can do the story, do you not see that?

WOODWARD: Yeah, look, I really disagree. There are feminists on the left and the right as you know, and somebody can put their personal feelings and conclusions in their back pocket and keep them there.
https://mediamatters.org/video/2016/05/17/bill-oreilly-feminists-should-not-be-allowed-report-trump-because-trump-antithesis-feminism/210470


Wow. So women can’t question the almighty Trumpenfuror’s stance on feminism because he is the antithesis of feminism. Does that mean I can’t question the actions of Christian leaders and batshit crazy talk show hosts because I’m the antithesis of Christianity? Well let’s ask Trumpenfuror himself what one of his positions on feminism is, shall we?

In a New York Times profile of Donald Trump‘s campaign, the candidate walked back his comments to MSNBC’s Chris Matthews that women should receive “some form of punishment” if they seek an abortion, saying he actually wanted women to punish themselves.

“I didn’t mean punishment for women like prison,” he said. “I’m saying women punish themselves. I didn’t want people to think in terms of ‘prison’ punishment. And because of that I walked it back.”

But the Times reporter Robert Draper dug around and got the real story. Trump “initially saw nothing wrong with his remark and refused to walk it back,” and issued a short noncommittal statement. Trump suddenly changed his mind when he was swamped with questions and requests for comment from over a hundred media outlets
http://www.mediaite.com/print/trump-when-i-said-punishment-i-meant-women-should-punish-themselves-for-abortion/


“Well see only stupid losers have abortions! I’m a winner. I don’t have any. There will be no abortions under my America! We’re going to build walls around every Planned Parenthood clinic in America. They will be the best walls! And they will keep the abortionists out! We will make America great again!”




Blue Jays V. Rangers: Dawn Of Justice


Let’s spin the wheel one last time this week! And it lands on… come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy stop! And it lands on… Rocky! Hit it!





Spin it again! And it lands on…………………….. wait for it……………… baseball! So what does Rocky have to do with baseball you might ask? More specifically there’s a really fucked up thing that happened last Sunday during a game between the Toronto Blue Jays and the Texas Rangers. I didn’t see it, too busy watching Captain America: Civil War. Awesome movie. But anyway let’s roll tape and then we’ll explain everything in much greater detail!



Well it started out well. Just a simple base running before all hell breaks loose. So here’s what happened exactly. Let’s get the play by play break down:

Here's what happened in the latest installment: Matt Bush, who was not part of the Rangers' organization last October, hit Bautista in the lower back with a 97 mph fastball to start the inning immediately after the Rangers had taken the lead. Bautista barked at Bush. Home plate umpire Dan Iassonga jumped in between, shuffled Bautista to first and issued warnings to both benches. The umpiring crew was well aware of the possibility of tension. Crew chief Dale Scott was the crew chief in last year's ALDS.
Then Bautista decided to exact his own revenge with a hard take-out slide at second base following Justin Smoak's grounder to the left side. He cut out Odor's feet, instituting a slide that was later deemed illegal. As they both got up, Odor shoved Bautista and both started to ball up fists. Odor got the right cross in, connecting solidly with Bautista's jaw.
http://sportsday.dallasnews.com/texas-rangers/rangers/2016/05/15/grant-bautistas-bat-flip-odors-fist-accusations-sent-flying-rangers-blue-jays-emotional-rivalry




So Jose Bautista got hit by a pitch and that started the whole brew ha ha. I mean it’s nice to go to a baseball game and get some bonus hockey thrown in for good measure, am I not right about that? Well there’s more. So the feud stemming between the Rangers and Blue Jays starts back at the 2015 American League Division Series. Let’s go back to that:

Toronto rallied in the 53-minute seventh for a 6-3 victory to advance to the Championship Series, but not before having to recoup after a crazy top half of the inning.
“It was just a shame that might have been the difference in a game of this magnitude,” Blue Jays manager John Gibbons said. “Thank God it didn’t come down to that.”
With Rougned Odor at third base and two outs in the top of the seventh, Martin’s throw back to the mound appeared to hit the hand of batter Shin-Soo Choo, allowing Odor to sprint home as the ball rolled up the third base line for a 3-2 lead.
http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/baseball/video-bizarre-error-rangers-lead-game-5-alds-article-1.2397671


Now I must admit that when I saw that game last year – as a die hard LA Angels fan, I committed a severe case of schadenfreude cheering for the Blue Jays against the evil Rangers, and enjoyed watching the Rangers get taken down a peg by Jose Bautista. *David Puddy from Seinfeld voice* Yeah you gotta respect the game. Gotta respect the team! But here’s where things are going incredibly south. Even 3 days later, Rougned Odor said he has “no regrets” about sucker punching Bautista:

Don Cherry doesn’t think Jose Bautista should have flipped his bat after his home run against the Texas Rangers in last year’s American League Division Series.
But he doesn’t think the Rangers should have waited so long to show their disapproval, either.
Cherry, talking on his Coach’s Corner segment during the first intermission of Game 2 of the Eastern Conference final between Tampa Bay and Pittsburgh, called the Rangers “gutless” for throwing a pitch at Bautista during his last at-bat of Sunday’s game.
The game was the final one of the regular season between the two teams, who had played each other six times before that.
http://news.nationalpost.com/sports/mlb/don-cherry-calls-texas-rangers-gutless-for-delayed-retribution-over-jose-bautista-bat-flip


One thing you got to like about Odor – 1. He’s got balls. 2. He clearly doesn’t give a shit! In fact he wins our Brass Balls award this week.

But the MLB handed down the suspensions this week! In fact what did Bautista and Odor get for that fight?
Texas Rangers second baseman Rougned Odor received an eight-game suspension for punching Toronto Blue Jays slugger Jose Bautista on Sunday, Major League Baseball announced Tuesday. Bautista received a one-game ban for his actions and postgame comments.
In total, 14 players and staff were disciplined for their roles in the brawl at Globe Life Park in Arlington, Texas.
Rangers shortstop Elvis Andrus was suspended one game for his "aggressive actions during the incident." Andrus served his suspension Tuesday in Oakland.
http://espn.go.com/mlb/story/_/id/15577350/rougned-odor-texas-rangers-suspended-8-games-punching-toronto-blue-jays-jose-bautista


Fuck that! Somebody call the UFC and put Bautista and Odor in an octagon and let them work out their frustrations there! They can make a mint off the pay per view sales!



See you next week!

Mike Webb's Excuse For The Porn Flub? "I Was Just Testing For Viruses!"

Congressional candidate Mike Webb has an explanation for why web browser tabs for two pornographic web pages could be seen in a screenshot he posted Monday afternoon.

In an email to ARLnow.com, which he also posted to Facebook, Webb claims that he was testing the whether such sites could have been the source of the alleged “cyber attack” that prevented him from filing a report to the Federal Election Commission on time.

“Curious by nature, I wanted to test the suggestion that somehow, lurking out in the pornographic world there is some evil operator waiting for the one in a gazillion chance that a candidate for federal office would go to that particular website and thereby be infected with a virus that would cause his or her FEC data file to crash the FECfile application each time that it was loaded on the day of the filing deadline, as well as impact other critical campaign systems,” Webb said in a characteristically lengthy message that also included accusations of malfeasance against some critics and local Republican party members.

Webb acknowledged that the episode has brought his quixotic campaign renewed attention, following his defeat in the race for the 8th District Republican congressional nomination. He insisted that it hasn’t cost him votes.

https://www.arlnow.com/2016/05/17/webb-i-was-testing-porn-sites-for-viruses/


OMG this is awesome.

John Oliver Destroys Paul Le Page on "Last Week Tonight"



That was epic!

Phil Robertson (Of Duck Dynasty) To Star In Insane New Documentary From Citizens United

Yes *THAT* Citizens United:

“Duck Dynasty” star Phil Robertson will unveil his Hollywood bashing film “Torchbearers” at the Cannes Film Festival next week, a new report claims.

Robertson has reportedly teamed up with Citizens United to create a documentary that links “Nazis, Boko Haram, Islamist terrorists and abortion with celebrities who like to show off their sexuality like Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber, Jennifer Lopez, Kim Kardashian West and Kanye,” according to the Daily Mail.

The film makes the connection that these types of things occur when societies cut God and the Bible out of the picture, and you let “mere men” decide what’s right and wrong.

‘If there’s no God, what difference does it make if you’re a mass-murderer or a saint,” he said. “We’ll all be dead soon, so who cares?”

http://dailycaller.com/2016/05/10/duck-dynasty-star-to-unveil-movie-that-bashes-hollywood-at-cannes-video/


Here's the trailer if you can stomach it:



Top 10 Conservative Idiots #27: The Butler Did It (A Bird In The Hand) Edition


Top 10 Conservative Idiots #27: The Butler Did It (A Bird In The Hand) Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! And I open this edition with some good news! Hipsters everywhere, rejoice! Radiohead’s new album is here! Wooooooooooooo!!!! So last week we got a huge surprise over the weekend with Radiohead dropping their new album “A Moon Shaped Pool”. And you guys and gals like Radiohead? It’s pretty well documented that I love Radiohead (one of the few non metal bands that I’ve been a fan of for a very long time), I’ve seen them in concert multiple times (best show was at the Hollywood Bowl shortly after In Rainbows came out). But I was not a fan of “The King Of Limbs” and that’s pretty well documented. And if you’re wondering why this album is getting so much hype, there’s a song on it called “True Love Waits” which is one of Radiohead’s oldest tracks that has never before appeared on a studio album. And vice.com put together a great FAQ about the album that I suggest checking out if you’re interested or have the album already. However, “A Moon Shaped Pool” might be Radiohead’s best album since 2003’s “Hail To The Thief”. Radiohead isn’t known for making overly accessible music but this album definitely is one of their more interesting entries. In fact here’s the first video from it called “Burn The Witch”:



We’ve got a lot of idiocy to cover this week. But before we get into the idiocy this week, John Oliver exposed the real research behind those scientific study articles and media headlines you see every day:



In the first slot is one of the most disgusting people who’s ever been called a “human being” and that’s George Zimmerman (1). He’s auctioning off the gun he used to murder Trayvon Martin and it’s getting some insane money. Or.... is it? Next up is Donald Trump (2, 3). There’s so much Trump news that it’s spilling into the second and third slots. In the second slot we’re going to talk poll numbers and talk about some of the things that are more popular than Trumpenfuror. In the third slot, we are going to take a look at Trump’s controversial plan to eliminate the minimum wage among other things people hate him for. In the number 4 slot, conservative idiot hall of famer Roy Moore (4) got his ass handed to him, and it’s only about to get much worse, and we can’t help but engage in schadenfreude with this one! At number 5 is the Bathroom Police (5). It turns out that Pat McCrory is upping the blame game in the war on North Carolina’s bathrooms, while a school district in North Carolina has an unbelievable solution to a non existent problem. Taking the sixth slot, the return of another Top 10 hall of famer and that’s the least interesting man in the world – Mitt Romney (6)! So Mittens has declared an all out war on Donald Trump’s tax returns. Could he be the catalyst for the brokered convention? In the number 7 slot is Sarah Palin (7) who is pulling out all the stops in her quest to be Donald Trump’s VP. At the number 8 slot, we’re going to talk about Donald Trump’s butler Anthony Senecal (8). In the number 9 slot is Phil Robertson, yes of the Duck Dynasty Robertson clan. He has a “radical” idea about bathrooms, and if you guessed it’s not that radical you are correct. Finally this week we’re going to talk about one of my favorite subjects – beer. No matter what time of day it is, there’s absolutely nothing that beats a tall frosty one. But more specifically there’s one headline in the beer world that’s grabbing attention and that’s Budweiser (10) is changing it’s name to “America”. Because, America. Yeah we’ll go in depth on this one. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!


George Zimmerman


So we can all agree that overrated hall monitor George Zimmerman is one of the most disgusting human beings on the planet right? Well thanks to batshit insane gun nuts he’s about to get filthy rich if this auction goes according to plan. First off the NY Daily News nails it once again:



So George Zimmerman. America’s favorite teenage murdering hall monitor psychopath, has been trying to auction off the gun he used to murder Trayvon Martin. Yes, he is trying to auction the gun he used to murder Trayvon Martin. I can’t say that enough ladies and gentlemen. Let’s start with the NY Daily News Article:
FOR SALE: One 9-mm pistol — and whatever’s left of George Zimmerman’s bankrupt soul.
The Florida neighborhood watchman who fatally shot unarmed teen Trayvon Martin in 2012 is putting the killer handgun up for auction — and hoping to fetch at least $5,000.
“I am honored and humbled to announce the sale of an American Firearm Icon,” Zimmerman wrote in his online description of the weapon. The perverted auction opens for bids at 11 a.m. Thursday.
“The firearm for sale is the firearm that was used to defend my life and end the brutal attack from Trayvon Martin on 2/26/2012 ... Many have expressed interest in owning and displaying the firearm including The Smithsonian Museum in Washington D.C. This is a piece of American History,” Zimmerman wrote, a claim that was later refuted by the museum.
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/george-zimmerman-auction-gun-killed-trayvon-martin-article-1.2634153

What a colossal douchebag!! First he’s championing himself on the pity card when we all know that he’s had a history of violence from the law since the trial and that Trayvon pleaded for his life before he was shot. So that part is bullshit. And selling this as an “American History Icon”? How delusional is that? OMG!!!! So he had a starting bid of $5,000 (US):

George Zimmerman has listed the gun with which he killed Trayvon Martin in 2012 for auction, touting it as “your opportunity to own a piece of American history”.
The former neighborhood watch volunteer was acquitted two years ago in the death of the young unarmed African American ...

Zimmerman listed “the firearm that was used to defend my life and end the brutal attack from Trayvon Martin” ...
<snip>
The gun, a Kel-Tec PF-9 9mm, was billed as a “collectible firearm” and had a starting price of US$5,000.

Read more: http://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/may/12/george-zimmerman-trayvon-martin-gun-auction


Delusional!! Wow. Just…. The mere fact that he’s trying to market it as “owning a piece of American history” is about as stunningly ignorant as it gets. He’s just pandering to the gun nuts at this point. But here’s where the auction site that Zimmerman put the auction up, well, took it down:

GunBroker.com, the website that was going allow George Zimmerman to sell the weapon used to kill unarmed black teen Trayvon Martin, has cancelled the auction, News6 reports. Bidding was set to begin on Thursday morning.

A link to the auction where buyers could purchase the gun is now disabled.
http://www.rawstory.com/2016/05/busted-gun-broker-cancels-sale-of-george-zimmermans-gun-used-to-kill-trayvon-martin/




But oh wait – the auction site allowed it to proceed and now if these numbers are to be believed he could net something like $65 million from this sale. And here’s where I love the internet, you may cringe hard at the fact that the gun used to murder Trayvon Martin reached astronomical levels. While the gun may be going for $65 million currently, they are not coming from legitimate accounts. What you mean “Racist McShootface” and “Weedlord Bonerhitler” aren’t legitimate accounts? I’m shocked I tell you!

MIAMI — Bidding in an online auction for the pistol former neighborhood watch volunteer George Zimmerman used to kill Trayvon Martin appeared to have been hijacked by fake accounts posting astronomically high bids.

At one point early Friday, the bidding surpassed $65 million with the leading bidder using the screen name "Racist McShootFace." The site later showed that account had been deleted.

Other screen names of bidders on the site included "Donald Trump," ''shaniqua bonifa" and "Tamir Rice," the name of a black 12-year-old who was shot and killed by Cleveland police in 2014 while playing with a pellet gun.

The website for United Gun Group began hosting the auction Thursday after another website, GunBroker.com, took down the auction saying it wanted "no part in the listing on our website or in any of the publicity it is receiving."

http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/auction-for-gun-that-killed-trayvon-martin-possibly-hijacked/ar-BBt0sIN?li=BBnb7Kz

#Weedlord Bonerhitler

But there is some good news – according to the Orlando Sentinel, the second auction could be taken down as early as this week:

George Zimmerman's first attempt to auction off the 9mm pistol he used to kill Trayvon Martin in 2012 sparked heated debate and was over before it ever began.
So he tried again. And controversy continued.
Now for a second time in about 24 hours, his posting to auction the Kel-Tec PF-9 pistol used to kill Martin could be taken down.
Zimmerman, a former Sanford Neighborhood Watch volunteer, told Orlando Sentinel news partner WOFL-Channel 35 that he just got the gun back from the U.S. Department of Justice.
http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/trayvon-martin-george-zimmerman/os-george-zimmerman-gun-auction-20160512-story.html


And in case you were wondering, you know where the money that Zimmerman was going to make from this auction was going to go to? Well here’s what he planned to spend the money on:

In the listing, Zimmerman says a portion of the proceeds would go toward fighting alleged violence against law enforcement by the Black Lives Matter movement and to stop anti-firearm rhetoric made by Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton.
The proceeds will also help pay for efforts to end the career of Angela Corey, who led the prosecution against Zimmerman, according to the post.


So not only is Zimmerman a colossal dick, he plans to use this money for colossal dick purposes like fighting anti-firearm propaganda and ending the career of the woman who led the prosecution against him. Wow, could you be any more of a huge douchebag?? I don’t think so! Couldn't he just not be a dick for one minute?




Donald Trump


So while Donald Trump has emerged as the front runner in the GOP primaries. And now that the dust has settled my friends, he is also emerging as this week’s king idiot. Because, well in the words of Radiohead, he is the bony king of nowhere. Whatever that means. But… ladies and gentlemen, as we now know, Donald Trump has a plan to make us all winners! Because there will be no stupid losers on his watch! But if Donald Trump wants to be the third world dictator of the free world, let’s talk some poll numbers shall we? In one issue a while back I said that Trump would need to capture 3 key demos in order to become president, and we all know how low one particular group is polling as I pointed out last week with Trump’s bizarre Cinco De Mayo celebration. But Donald Trump isn’t even polling well within his own party! I give you exhibit A:

Donald Trump became the presumptive Republican presidential nominee this week, but a majority of GOP insiders aren't ready to commit to voting for him in November.
That’s according to The POLITICO Caucus – a panel of operatives, activists and strategists in 10 Electoral College battleground states. Fewer than four-in-10 GOP insiders said they would vote for Trump in the general election, while a quarter said they would not. The remaining 35 percent said they weren’t sure.
The objections of anti-Trump Republicans ranged from criticisms of Trump’s vulgar language and crude behavior, to concerns about Trump’s control of the U.S. nuclear arms stockpile.
But a number of Republican insiders – both those who said they’d vote for Trump and some of those who were unsure – said they felt compelled to oppose Hillary Clinton, the likely Democratic nominee.
http://www.politico.com/story/2016/05/majority-of-gop-insiders-wont-commit-to-trump-222866


Holy shit!!! 40%! I’m surprised it’s that low! That means that 4 in 10 of registered REPUBLICANS – not democrats – REPUBLICANS – would vote for Trumpenfuror in the general election. But the other key demos he needs to capture are women and African American voters. I give you exhibit B:

In a hypothetical November match-up between Trump and Clinton, among registered women voters, Clinton leads Trump 58 - 31 percent, according to a *CBS News national poll this month. In comparison, 42 percent of men would cast their ballots for Clinton versus 50 percent that would support Trump.
While he has won more support among GOP women compared to other Republicans, a high percentage of women voters nationwide hold negative views of Donald Trump -- 69 percent have an unfavorable view of him, according to a CBS News national poll this month. Just 19 percent have a favorable view of him
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/is-donald-trump-right-that-women-voters-dont-like-hillary-clinton/


Wow, that’s pretty damn low!



Do we go for the trifecta? How low is he polling with African American voters?

In boasting of his support among African American voters, Donald Trump made some false and misleading statements:
• Trump claimed “African American youth is 58 percent unemployed.” The official unemployment rate for blacks ages 16 to 19 in January was 25.2 percent.
• Trump said a “recent poll” showed 25 percent of blacks support him in a hypothetical race against Hillary Clinton. That “recent poll” is actually from September. Six recent polls, all taken in February, show his support ranges from 4 percent to 12 percent.




Now just to go for the Superfecta – how low is he polling among young voters?

(CNN)A new poll suggests that a race for president between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton could yield the lowest support for a Republican candidate among young voters in decades.
The survey, conducted by the Harvard University Institute of Politics, finds that in a hypothetical matchup, 61% of likely voters age 18-29 say they would vote for Clinton, while just 25% would vote for Trump. That's worse than most other recent Republican candidates for president.
Since 1992, exit polls have found Republican candidates average 38% support among voters under 30. Sen. John McCain notched 32% against Barack Obama in 2008, marking the low-point for GOP candidates dating back to 1972, when modern exit polling began. Ronald Reagan was the only Republican candidate to win the under-30 vote since then.
http://www.cnn.com/2016/04/25/politics/donald-trump-young-voters/




But this is my favorite poll ever. When someone has a poll number that’s this low, they tend to fuck with it. And when numbers for a certified candidate are that low, people instead of asking of things they don’t approve of, start asking more about things they do approve of. And one poll came up with this:




Hemorrhoids…………………………………………………. Trump, 45/39 (+6)
Cockroaches………………………………………………………. Trump, 46/42 (+4)
Nickelback………………………………………….…………... Nickelback, 39/34 (-5)
Used Car Salesmen…………………………….…………….. Used Car Salesmen, 47/41 (-6)
Traffic Jams…………………………………….……………….. Traffic Jams, 47/40 (-7)
Hipsters……………………………………..………………… Hipsters, 45/38 (-7)
DMV………………………………………………………… DMV, 50/40 (-10)
Root Canals……………………………….………………….. Root Canals, 49/38 (-11)
Jury Duty…………………………………………………….. Jury Duty, 57/35 (-22)
Lice…………………………………….…………………… Lice, 54/28 (-26)
http://www.publicpolicypolling.com/main/2016/05/gop-quickly-unifies-around-trump-clinton-still-has-modest-lead.html


That’s right! Head lice, Nickelback, traffic jams, hipsters, used car salesman and the DMV all have higher polling numbers than Trumpenfuror! He is somehow surprisingly more popular than cockroaches and hemorrhoids.






Donald Trump


So now that we’ve shown you how Donald Trump is the real stupid loser in this whole mess of an election, how does the man plan to make us all winners? Well in order to figure out his motif, let’s get into his mindset. “Everyone but me is a stupid loser!!! Nobody is as smart, capabale or a better real estate broker than I am, I make the best decisions and use the best words, and nobody has a bigger penis than I do!”. OK… we are officially in character. With that out of the way, how does he plan to make us all winners? Why taking away the minimum wage for starters!

http://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/may/08/federal-minimum-wage-trump
Donald Trump has called for the elimination of the federal minimum wage, as he retreated from primary promises and once again refused to release his tax returns because of “a link” to an audit.

The presumptive Republican nominee for president repeatedly said he would support a higher minimum wage, a reversal from his position when he had conservative opponents. But he insisted on Sunday that states should decide such wages.

“I like the idea of ‘let the states decide’,” Trump told NBC’s Meet the Press. “But I think people should get more. I think they’re out there. They’re working. It is a very low number.”

Asked “should the federal government set a floor” – a national minimum wage – Trump replied: “No, I’d rather have the states go out and do what they have to do.

“And the states compete with each other, not only other countries, but they compete with each other.”




This comes at a time when there’s more calls than ever for every worker in America to be able to make a sustainable, living wage. Like this. Before I post this article, go back and read the last entry about Trump’s polling numbers among youth voters and this should in no way shock you. But what else is Trumpenfuror doing to piss people off? Why let’s consult the SPLC about their view on the Trump effect on kids:

Every four years, teachers in the United States use the presidential election to impart valuable lessons to students about the electoral process, democracy, government and the responsibilities of citizenship.

But, for students and teachers alike, this year’s primary season is starkly different from any in recent memory. The results of an online survey conducted by Teaching Tolerance suggest that the campaign is having a profoundly negative effect on children and classrooms.

It’s producing an alarming level of fear and anxiety among children of color and inflaming racial and ethnic tensions in the classroom. Many students worry about being deported.

Other students have been emboldened by the divisive, often juvenile rhetoric in the campaign. Teachers have noted an increase in bullying, harassment and intimidation of students whose races, religions or nationalities have been the verbal targets of candidates on the campaign trail.

https://www.splcenter.org/20160413/trump-effect-impact-presidential-campaign-our-nations-schools


That’s right! Donald Trump has led to an increase in bullying, harassment, and intimidation of violence against those who Trump has targeted! What a shock! By the way in case you’re like me and thinking about fleeing the US if Trumpenfuror somehow becomes the 45th president of these United States of ours, there’s a new dating company that is matching Canadian citizens with Trump refugees (which I’m surprised he hasn’t branded and trademarked that name yet ):

TORONTO: A dating website is pledging to match Americans who can't live with a Donald Trump presidency to Canadians looking for love, facilitating the pledge often made by U.S. voters to move to Canada if the real estate billionaire is elected.

"Maple Match makes it easy for Americans to find the ideal Canadian partner to save them from the unfathomable horror of a Trump presidency," the Maple Match website reads, before offering a waiting list for interested singles.

http://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/lifestyle/dating-site-matches-ameri/2774090.html?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=twitter


Kind of makes me wish I had thought of a business like that during the Bush administration, I would be raking in the dough now! Especially if Trumpenfuror plans to overturn Roe V Wade and eliminate the minimum wage like he’s been threatening. Wait – what the what???? He would eliminate Roe V. Wade? Back up! Beep! Beep!

Donald Trump on Tuesday began to outline his vision for a Supreme Court nominee, saying he wants someone who is an abortion rights opponent. "Trump says he's pro-life. Please ask him to name one specific thing he would do to protect the sanctity of human life — can you?” Fox News host Bill O’Reilly asked (via a viewer question) the presumptive GOP nominee on The O'Reilly Factor, which aired Tuesday night.

“I will protect it. And the biggest way you can protect it is through the Supreme Court and putting people on the court. I mean actually the biggest way you can protect it, I guess, is by electing me president,” Trump said.

“So you’re going to get a judge who would overthrow, overturn Roe v. Wade that’s the specific thing you’re going to do?” O’Reilly asked.

“Well overturn or overturn, look I’m going to put conservative judges on,” Trump said.

Read more: http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2016/05/11/trump-scotus-nominee-overturn-roe-v-wade/84223512/




But hey Donald, if you’re going to make threats like this and ruin our basic way of life that we’ve been building the last 200 years, we want to see your tax returns!

In a reversal, Donald Trump has told The Associated Press that he won’t release his tax returns until after the election in November.

"There's nothing to learn from them," Trump told The AP in an interview Tuesday, citing an ongoing audit of his finances as the main reason for withholding the information. He has also said he doesn't believe voters are interested.

Just on Sunday, the presumptive Republican nominee told NBC’s “Meet the Press” that he’d be willing to release them should the audit be finished in time.

When asked if he would pledge to release them before the election, Trump responded, "Sure, if -- if -- if the auditors finish. I'll do it as fast as the audit is finished. Remember this, I've already given my financials. And my financials show I'm worth more than $10 billion by any stretch of the imagination.”

Read more: http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/donald-trump-release-tax-returns-election/story?id=39039525





Roy Moore


So a Top 10 hall of famer – Roy Moore – got his ass handed to him last week. It turns not only didn’t he get shit canned, it turns out things are about to get much, much worse for the intensely homophobic justice. But first off – we have to talk about his incessant whining. Turns out that Mr. Moore is getting the shit sued out of him, and in some really bad ways too. And that’s someone who, a guy who has consistently made life miserable for America’s LGBT community, deserves every bit of shit thrown at him. So here’s what he’s been whining about lately:

http://www.thenewcivilrightsmovement.com/davidbadash/roy_moore
On Wednesday Liberty Counsel founder and CEO Mat Staver stood before the cameras and droned on in support of his client, Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore. Moore is under attack by the Southern Poverty Law Center and others for his actions surrounding the Supreme Court's marriage decision and his instructions to Alabama magistrates to not issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples. The SPLC filed a complaint....

Staver referred to one of the people who filed the complaint against Moore as an "admitted transvestite."

Moore slammed his critics as "atheists, homosexuals and transgender individuals." At one point he referred to a trans woman as "her," but "corrected" himself, calling her, "him."

At another point, Moore said “transsexualism is a known mental illness,” or was, until 2013, and suggested it still should be classified as such.




Well. What’s blathering about is this:

An Alabama judicial oversight body on Friday filed a formal complaint against Roy S. Moore, the chief justice of the state’s Supreme Court, charging that he had “flagrantly disregarded and abused his authority” in ordering the state’s probate judges to refuse applications for marriage licenses by same-sex couples.

As a result of the charges, Chief Justice Moore, 69, has been immediately suspended from the bench and is facing a potential hearing before the state’s Court of the Judiciary, a panel of judges, lawyers and other appointees. Among possible outcomes at such a hearing would be his removal from office.

“We intend to fight this agenda vigorously and expect to prevail,” Chief Justice Moore said in a statement, saying that the Judicial Inquiry Commission, which filed the complaint, had no authority over the charges at issue.

Referring to a transgender activist in Alabama, Chief Justice Moore said the commission had “chosen to listen to people like Ambrosia Starling, a professed transvestite, and other gay, lesbian and bisexual individuals, as well as organizations which support their agenda.”

Read more: http://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/07/us/judge-roy-moore-alabama-same-sex-marriage.html


But who is Ambrosia Starling? Well let’s pool our collective resources together and find out, shall we?

BIRMINGHAM, Ala. (AP) — Wearing big hair, loads of makeup and high heels, small-town drag queen Ambrosia Starling is the new worst nightmare of suspended Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore.

Moore has called out Starling twice by name in recent days while defending himself against allegations of violating judicial canons with his opposition to same-sex marriage. During a news conference and in a written statement, Moore cited the cross-dressing entertainer as a reason he's at risk of losing his job for the second time since 2003.

Read more: http://www.chron.com/news/us/article/Alabama-drag-queen-is-suspended-chief-justice-s-7444496.php


Holy shit!!! That’s the second time Roy Moore called out Ambrosia… and she is fighting back with all fours. And hey, if it takes a drag queen to take out one of the most ultra conservative, homophobic bigots off the bench, I’m all for it!


The Bathroom Police


First off, I have to give props to the Wedge Brewing Company of Asheville, North Carolina who printed this on their beer cans in response to HB-2:



But you know that Obama himself addressed the issue this week and called on all school districts to be accommodating to trans students? Which resulted in douchebag fundie talk show host Tony Perkins calling for Obama's impeachment:

http://www.thenewcivilrightsmovement.com/davidbadash/tony_perkins_calls_for_obama_s_impeachment_over_transgender_directive_for_the_safety_of_children
Tony Perkins is calling for President Barack Obama be impeached. The Family Research Council president made his demands Friday speaking with Fox News religion reporter Todd Starnes about the administration's new directive to protect transgender students in public schools, as Right Wing Watch reports.

Starnes writes that "Perkins said the decree should be 'resisted with ever legal and moral instrument we have available to us in this country.'"

“If the president chooses to go forward with this outrageous order – then congress should begin impeachment proceedings,” Starnes says Perkins told him. “Every parent, every school board in America should absolutely refuse to sacrifice the safety of their children for the threat of taking away nine federal pennies that make up every educational dollar.”...


Is it any wonder why I absolutely despise these people and their hatred and bigotry? Does that make me intolerant of their intolerance? The sooner this issue goes away the better. But only if good triumphs over evil, and the Bathroom Police are becoming more and more evil by the day! And just look at what one North Carolina school district announced would happen at their schools!

A North Carolina school system has adopted a policy allowing high school students to carry pepper spray this fall, a policy one board member said may be useful for students who encounter transgender classmates in the bathroom.

The Salisbury Post reports (http://bit.ly/1TzmUGY) the policy was adopted by the Rowan-Salisbury Board of Education during a work session on Monday.

Board member Chuck Hughes said using the sprays was purely defensive, and he referenced the North Carolina law that limits LGBT rights, saying such sprays could help female students if they go to the bathroom and don't know who's coming in after them.

Read more here: http://www.newsobserver.com/news/nation-world/national/article76827092.html#storylink=cpy


Holy fucking shit!!! And I don’t mean the kind of pepper spray that you put on your Taco Bell Grilled Stuft XXL Burrito. I mean the kind of pepper spray that can burn somebody’s fucking eyes out of their skull. But in other stranger news regarding the bathroom police, both the state of North Carolina and the DOJ have filed dueling lawsuits over HB-2:

North Carolina and the Justice Department announced dueling lawsuits Monday over the state’s “bathroom bill,” which has become the epicenter of a larger fight over transgender rights.
The two complaints, filed several hours apart, took opposing sides in the debate over the law, which bans transgender people from using bathrooms that don’t match the gender on their birth certificates. While the state said its law does not discriminate against transgender people or treat transgender employees differently from non-transgender employees, the Justice Department’s civil rights office said the measure is discriminatory and violates civil rights.
“This action is about a great deal more than just bathrooms,” Attorney General Loretta E. Lynch said during a news conference after the Justice Department’s lawsuit was filed. “This is about the dignity and respect we accord our fellow citizens and the laws that we, as a people and as a country, have enacted to protect them.”
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-nation/wp/2016/05/09/north-carolina-justice-dept-face-monday-deadline-for-bathroom-bill/


But here’s where Pat McCrory fails to understand the logic behind HB-2 and compares it to the Civil Rights Act of 1964, which this is a direct violation of:

North Carolina Gov. Pat McCrory (R) asserted on Wednesday that the U.S. Congress should review the entire 1964 Civil Rights Act because he did not like the way the Department of Justice was using it to protect transgender bathroom rights.

Speaking to CNN host Jake Tapper on Wednesday, McCrory accused Democrats of starting a fight over transgender bathroom rights by passing an ordinance in the City of Charlotte that allowed transgender people to visit public restrooms that correspond to their gender identity.

“I think that this was an argument that we didn’t need to have,” McCrory opined. “But this is an agenda by the far left. And for some reason, the national media is saying the far right brought this up. I had no interest in this subject.”

http://www.rawstory.com/2016/05/pat-mccrory-congress-should-revisit-the-1964-civil-rights-act-to-allow-segregated-bathrooms/


OMG!! Wow, one thing I got to give McCrory credit for – he has some fucking balls to say shit like that! But still… “This was an argument we didn’t need to have” – boo fucking hoo! You’re the one who started it asshole!! You could have avoided this whole thing and tossed the bill out but you are a blithering jackass who pandered to batshit insane Christian fundies in order to get votes! Just… argh! Shut the fuck up! Stop talking! When you’re in a hole, Pat, stop digging!




Mitt Romney


So in a case of the pot calling the kettle black, Mitt Romney has pulled out all the stops in his effort to get Donald Trump to spill the beans on his tax returns. What is Trump hiding, you may ask? And I answer you good sir / madam with the answer – we don’t know! But Mitt Romney is determined to find out! In fact he’s saying that Trump should be disqualified – disqualified if he doesn’t release his tax returns!

Mitt Romney has a message for Donald Trump, from one failed Republican presidential nominee to another (soon-to-be): Release your tax returns, buddy.
In a Facebook post on Wednesday, reacting to the news that unlike generations of both Republican and Democratic presidential nominees before him, this year’s Republican presidential nominee would not release any tax returns before the general election, Romney called Trump’s announcement “disqualifying.”
“There’s nothing to learn from them,” the businessman who claims to be worth more than $10 billion said of his tax returns in an interview with Associated Press this week, citing an audit of tax returns from some years as the reason why he won’t be releasing any tax returns from previous years.
http://www.salon.com/2016/05/12/mitt_romney_trump_refusing_to_release_tax_returns_to_hide_possible_mob_ties/


And of course Trumpenfuror would fire back with his best Jedi mind trick!



But what is Trump hiding? That is the question on the table! But here’s where Donald Trump’s tax returns are best explained in very simple terms that even a non auditor can understand!

Washington (CNN)Donald Trump insists he won't release his tax returns during his 2016 presidential run because those returns are the subject of ongoing Internal Revenue Service audits.
When he's had casinos on the line, it's been a different story.
Trump has handed over tax returns in the midst of audits before -- to state gambling officials in Pennsylvania and New Jersey, as part of the process of seeking casino licenses in those states.
The returns haven't been publicly accessible, but they were used by the state investigators who reviewed those applications.
http://www.cnn.com/2016/05/11/politics/donald-trump-casino-licenses-tax-returns/index.html


Yes!!!! Woooooooooooo!! That will shut them up! So it’s perfectly OK for Trumpenfuror to release the tax returns on his casino properties but not his presidential campaign? Well maybe Mitt Romney might actually be on to something!

And while on the subject of Donald Trump’s tax returns, Lou Dobbs was on the O’Reilly Factor and tried to justify Trumpenfuror’s lack of tax returns by comparing him to Jesus. Let’s roll tape!




Dobbs pushed logic aside and said, “After the first billion, I lose interest.” He also failed to answer O’Reilly when he asked if there was anything that Dobbs hadn’t liked about Trump’s campaign. Dobbs refused to give him a straight answer, “because you’d be just like the rest of those guys in the national media, you just focus on it.”
O’Reilly pushed back and said, “I’m asking you as an analyst. You are not willing to say one thing.” When Dobbs continued to dance around the question, O’Reilly yelled:
“If he is Jesus, how can you analyze him?”
Dobbs said, “How can I analyze him? Because I have a superior mind that competes at least fairly favorably with your own.”
O’Reilly giggled and replied with something truly idiotic:
“Okay. Let’s just recap. According to Dobbs, Donald Trump is Jesus. And Jesus never put out his tax returns! Ever!”
Dobbs completely threw all intelligence out the window when he said, “That’s a line that I can actually agree with.”
http://addictinginfo.org/2016/05/12/bill-oreilly-pathetically-defends-trump-jesus-never-put-out-his-tax-returns-video/







Sarah Palin


So in what seems like it’s a play straight out of an elementary school kids’ handbook, Sarah Palin very badly wants to be Donald Trump’s vice presidential pick. So much that she was screaming “pick me! Pick me!!!”.

Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin (R) on Sunday said that she is ready to serve as Donald Trump’s vice presidential running mate, but she worried about being a “burden” to the presumptive nominee.

“I think I’m pretty much as vetted as anybody in the country could be vetted,” Palin told CNN’s Jake Tapper. “I think there are so many other great people out there in American that could serve in this position.”

“I think if somebody wanted to choose me, they already know who I am, what I stand for,” she added. “They wouldn’t be in for any surprises.”

But Palin acknowledged that she also came with baggage.

Read more: http://www.rawstory.com/2016/05/choose-me-sarah-palin-says-shes-as-vetted-as-anybody-in-the-country-for-trumps-vp/comments/#disqus


But in that same PR, Palin also said that it would come with some baggage. I don’t know like word salad speeches and her chugging 7-11 big gulps?


I want to help and not hurt” the former Alaska governor said on CNN’s “State of the Union” on Sunday. “And I am such a realist that I realize there are a whole lot of people out there who would say, ‘Anybody but Palin.’ I wouldn’t want to be a burden on the ticket, and I realize in many, many eyes, I would be that burden.”
“I just want the guy to win. I want America to win,” Palin, who endorsed Trump in January, continued. “And I don’t know if I would be the person that would be able to help him win.”
But Palin, who burst onto the American political and pop culture scene as McCain’s running mate, said if Trump did put her on his shortlist for VP, she wouldn’t need much vetting.
https://www.yahoo.com/style/sarah-palin-trump-mccain-paul-ryan-vp-145235725.html

“Yeah we’re not going to hurt anybody because we want to take America back!!!”. Who are you taking it back from? What are you taking it back to?
#PalinBigGulp




Anthony Senecal


Who is Anthony Senecal? Why he’s Donald Trump’s former Butler. And in case you were wondering, this edition’s title this week is of course that from an episode from the Leslie Nielsen TV comedy “Police Squad” that inspired one of my favorite movies of all time – “The Naked Gun: From The Files Of Police Squad!”. But before we get into the entry on Donald Trump’s butler and why he’s just as much of a raging psychopath as Donald Trump is, some actual psychologists and psychiatrists weighed in on Donald Trump’s mental condition:

https://www.sott.net/article/315060-Psychologists-explain-Trump-Hes-literally-a-narcissistic-psychopath
The Mayo Clinic explains "Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of ultraconfidence lies a fragile self-esteem that's vulnerable to the slightest criticism." They add that "a narcissistic personality disorder causes problems in many areas of life." The sufferer "may be generally unhappy and disappointed when you're not given the special favors or admiration you believe you deserve."

Clinical psychologist George Simon said that Trump is "so classic that I'm archiving video clips of him to use in workshops because there's no better example of his characteristics." He conducts lectures and seminars on manipulative behavior exhibited by narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths - all related Anti Social Personality Disorders. "Otherwise, I would have had to hire actors and write vignettes. He's like a dream come true."...

Carol Caldwell notes, in D.J. Trump, Psychopath, that "it's been attested to by psychologists and neurobiologists who study psycho- and sociopaths that the deadly syndrome can be seen in their eyes."

She observes that "the eyes are described as affectless, what we would call cold, or eerily blank in one-on-one or televised exchanges. The sociopath is described as charming, out-going, intelligent, cunning, winning without warmth, but adaptable to whatever human kindness you telegraph to them. As we well know, many of them ascend to top positions in major industries, I might mention Wall Street and banking, heads of Hollywood studios, and members of Congress. On the street levels of everyday life, they work their wiles into all kinds of jobs, by falsifying resumes to fit the careers they are after. One area of human endeavor they seem less adaptable to is refined senses of humor."


Yes Donald Trump is literally a narcissistic psychopath ladies and gentlemen! If you remember past Idiots editions, I called it back in Idiots #12, and I don’t have a medical degree of any kind! This is one of those things that’s so painfully obvious that you don’t need to be a psychologist or a psychiatrist to figure out! So getting back to Trump’s butler, he is just as much of a creep as Trump is, and here’s some choice quotes of his:

When he read news that a Belgian newspaper was in hot water for portraying Barack and Michelle Obama as apes, he asked “with who are they in trouble with,” and said “I think the newspaper deserves a Pulitzer Prize !!!!!!” for the racist imagery.
Late last year, he was furious that Obama was “castrating our Military !!!!!!!” and that it was “time for our Military to drag that fraud out of the white mosque and hang his ass for treason and other high crimes against AMERICA !!!!!!! Trial to follow !!!!!!!”
Trump’s butler is also not a fan of the 2016 Democratic presidential frontrunner.
“This shows killery clinton to be a LYING DECEIVING C**T !!!!!!! I would NEVER cast my ballot for this BITCH in any election !!!!!!” he commented on Sept. 14.
“killery started life as a conniving bitch and I'm happy to report she is still a bit of a slut at it !!!!!!!!” he wrote on June 27.

In August 2015, when a state of emergency was declared in Ferguson, Missouri, Senecal said it was finally “time to remove Ferguson from Missouri---move the sane people out during the day and carpet bomb the city from the face of the Earth at night---if you blow up the protestors, oh well !!!! Case closed !!!!!”

In June 2015, he posted a photo of a Confederate flag—10 days after the Charleston church shooting, and a week after Dylann Roof’s Confederate fetish was reported. Later that month, he posted an image of a black man holding up a Confederate flag and railed against the “the liberal negroes !!!!!”
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/05/12/trump-s-butler-hates-negroes-wanted-to-carpet-bomb-ferguson-called-killery-clinton-a-c-t.html


Holy shit!!!! He’s Donald Trump’s racist uncle!



#TheButlerDidIt #ABirdInTheHand

He’s that one relative who you sit next to at Thanksgiving dinner who spouts off his unfiltered Fox News talking points that no one wants to hear. But in case you were wondering, he did inflate Donald Trump’s ego by calling him “king” (of what, we’re still unclear about) :

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/03/16/us/politics/donald-trump-butler-mar-a-lago.html?hp&action=click&pgtype=Homepage&clickSource=story-heading&module=b-lede-package-region®ion=top-news&WT.nav=top-news&_r=0
snip:
PALM BEACH, Fla. — Everything seemed to sparkle at the Mar-a-Lago estate here on a recent afternoon. The sun glinted off the pool and the black Secret Service S.U.V.s in the circular driveway. Palm trees rustled in a warm breeze, croquet balls clicked and a security guard stood at the entrance to Donald J. Trump’s private living quarters

“You can always tell when the king is here,” Mr. Trump’s longtime butler here, Anthony Senecal, said of the master of the house and Republican presidential candidate.


Heil King Trump! He’s the king of……………. Something. Who knows? Maybe he’s the “Bony King Of Nowhere” that Radiohead refers to in their song “There There”. But in case you were wondering why yes the Secret Service is actively investigating his threat made against Obama:

The U.S. Secret Service is investigating presumptive Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump’s former butler over a Facebook post calling for President Barack Obama’s assassination.
The former butler, Anthony Senecal, 74, said in a Facebook post Obama should be hanged for treason. He made the statement in 2015, and the magazine Mother Jones wrote on Thursday about the post and other similar remarks by Senecal. Senecal worked for decades as a butler at Trump’s Palm Beach mansion, Mar-a-Lago.
http://www.rawstory.com/2016/05/secret-service-investigating-trumps-butler-for-urging-assassination-of-obama/



Phil Robertson


We’ve been going into great detail about North Carolina’s HB-2 and the madness surrounding it very extensively in the last month or so. But there’s one guy out there who thinks that he might have a solution to end all the madness! I give you Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson. Yes that same backwoods, bearded, gay hating sociopath who somehow thinks he’s a “man of God”. Well he has an idea that could solve everything! I mean just… this could end it folks!! And especially considering how great of a political track record they have!



Phil Robertson has "got a radical idea" on how to deal with the controversial transgender bathroom bill in North Carolina.

"Men should use the men's bathroom and women should use the women's bathroom," Robertson reportedly recently wrote. "Just because a man may 'feel' like a woman doesn't mean he should be able to share a bathroom with my daughter, or yours. That used to be called common sense. Now it's called bigoted."

According to The Hollywood Reporter, the conservative patriarch of A & E's "Duck Dynasty" franchise sent an email to conservatives this past weekend in conjunction with Citizens United, the organization behind the anti-Hillary Clinton documentary "Hillary: The Movie."

Robertson's email reportedly does not mention North Carolina specifically, but is seeking to raise funds for a "Speak Freely" campaign the reality star feels is needed.
http://www.cnn.com/2016/05/10/entertainment/phil-robertson-duck-dynasty-transgender/index.html


Wow………………….. he put a lot of thought into that didn’t he?

This guy is seriously fucked up. I don’t know how we here at the Top 10 missed this but as long as we’re still talking about this asshole, we must report this. So extremely far right batshit crazy conspiracy theory end times pastor Rick Wiles aired this speech in which he jokes (once again, republican humor… ) about a Christian breaking into a atheists home and cutting off his penis while murdering and raping his wife and kids. Wow, to even go there…

On Friday, “Trunews” host Rick Wiles aired a speech that Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty delivered at the Vero Beach Prayer Breakfast earlier that day, in which Robertson offered gruesome details about how an atheist father would react to watching intruders behead his wife and rape and kill his two daughters while they also cut off his penis .... which would supposedly somehow prove a point about following God’s laws.

“I’ll make a bet with you,” Robertson said. “Two guys break into an atheist’s home. He has a little atheist wife and two little atheist daughters. Two guys break into his home and tie him up in a chair and gag him. And then they take his two daughters in front of him and rape both of them and then shoot them and they take his wife and then decapitate her head off in front of him. And then they can look at him and say, ‘Isn’t it great that I don’t have to worry about being judged? Isn’t it great that there’s nothing wrong with this? There’s no right or wrong, now is it dude?’”
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/phil-robertson-hypothesizes-about-atheist-family-getting-raped-and-killed


Yeah like these psychos are going to convert anybody to their religion. If I were interested in converting and heard that shit, I would go as far away from those people as much as humanly possible. Oh ha ha ha ha ha… never mind the atheist family getting raped, tortured and murdered. I mean this is just a hypothetical fantasy right?

But there's more:

Robertson kept going: “Then you take a sharp knife and take his manhood and hold it in front of him and say, ‘Wouldn’t it be something if this was something wrong with this? But you’re the one who says there is no God, there’s no right, there’s no wrong, so we’re just having fun. We’re sick in the head, have a nice day.’”

“If it happened to them,” Robertson continued, “they probably would say, ‘something about this just ain’t right.”
- See more at: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/phil-robertson-hypothesizes-about-atheist-family-getting-raped-and-killed#sthash.LF9E15Mi.dpuf


Gee.............. ya think? I'm sick and repulsed just hearing this! Excuse me a minute...



But here’s where things get even scarier – Robertson goes full Hitler, and you never go full Hitler:

During a prayer rally speech last Friday in which he opined about an atheist family getting raped and murdered, Duck Dynasty star Phil Robertson employed remarks similar to the speech he delivered at CPAC earlier this year about how Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, the Japanese Emperor in World War II and ISIS terrorists were all capable of killing scores of people because they didn’t believe in Jesus.

But in his Friday remarks, he added one more group to this list of violent, Satanic evildoers: liberals.

In fact, Robertson said that demon-possessed liberals in America have killed more than Stalin and Hitler, and he even found time to suggest that President Obama is among the liberals championing Satan’s lies in the U.S.:

"Liberalism is a disease of the mind that weakens and corrupts human beings." Adolf Hitler, 1939
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/phil-robertson-liberals-worse-nazis-led-satan







America: The Beer




Budweiser. That yellow-ish liquid that somehow calls itself “beer” that is so shitty that the Germans refused to sell it when they hosted the World Cup back in 2006. When the Germans don’t want it, you know it’s bad. And it’s the official beer of the World Cup.



And yes this is a thing. But sadly we here in the US can’t stop buying Budwesier. It is still one of the highest selling beers in all of America. But now Anheuser-Busch, which is actually owned by Belgian-Brazilian conglomerate In Bev, wants to *BE* America, literally. Specifically this happened:

Update: A-B InBev on Tuesday, May 10, confirmed the limited-edition label change, saying "America" would replace "Budweiser" on the front of 12-oz. cans and bottles. The packaging will run from May 23 through election season in November, the brewer stated. The agency that handled the design change is Jones Knowles Ritchie, New York. The packaging will be accompanied by a summer-long campaign called "America is in Your Hands." A national TV spot featuring the cans and bottles will premiere on June 1.

Budweiser, which has dressed bottles in stars and stripes in previous summers, could be poised to make one of its biggest patriotic plays yet. The brand has sought approval for new labels that replace the Budweiser name with "America," according to a filing with the Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau.
http://adage.com/article/cmo-strategy/a-b-inbev-replace-budweiser-america-packs/303918/


Yes your eyes are not deceiving you. In Bev literally wants Budweiser to be called “America” and is changing the Budweiser cans to reflect that:



And as you can imagine this has prompted a widespread internet backlash with of course some creative Tweeting.

In addition to proudly calling itself America, the new label will also include the Latin phrase which appears on the American seal, "E pluribus unum," Latin for "One out of many," and other touches that scream U.S. of A.
But as news of the rebrand broke, Internet backlash was swift, varied and, in some cases, fierce.
Many pointed to the fact that Budweiser (which was purchased by Belgian-Brazilian InBev in 2008) is no longer an American company:
http://www.foxnews.com/leisure/2016/05/11/internet-backlash-ensues-over-budweisers-rebrand-as-america/


I love the guy who said that Budwesier is the official beer of Idiocracy. But in a world where water is replaced with Brawndo: The Thirst Mutilator, how do you brew beer with that?

But there’s a great piece on Market Watch where they just completely tear into In Bev’s decision on Budweiser. Here’s an excerpt:

But isn’t that the point of “America”? To assimilate, to round off the edges, to shake the dust off the Old World and to blend seamlessly into the new? After all, Budweiser makes up roughly 8% of the overall beer market and swims in a pool of light lager that accounts for roughly 70% of all beer sold in the U.S., according to Beer Marketer’s Insights. When you hear conversations about “American beer” in Europe, light lager with low alcohol and minimal hop or malt flavor is still very much what they’re talking about. Unfortunately for Budweiser, even its parent company knows that assimilation is more problematic than its oversimplified melting-pot portrayal.
http://www.marketwatch.com/story/budweisers-america-no-longer-exists-2016-05-11




And of course we can’t do this piece without mentioning that – why, yes, of course Donald Trump is taking credit for In Bev’s marketing choices.

Earlier Wednesday, presumptive Republican nominee Donald Trump got on the phone with his buddies over at Fox & Friends, and they immediately got to the hard questions. Like whether or not Budweiser's proposal to change its name to America for the summer is just an attempt to hitch a ride on the Trump train. The Donald — a man The New Yorker described as someone who "was born on third base and thinks he invented baseball" — agreed that, yes, of course he had something to do with AB InBev's decision:
http://www.grubstreet.com/2016/05/trump-takes-credit-budweiser-america-can.html


You may laugh but there actually is some truth. Sure, Donald Trump took credit, but here’s where marketing executives are actually admitting, admitting that the uptick in America-themed advertising is a direct result of Donald Trump’s campaign:

He was asked on the Fox News show “Fox & Friends” if Trump’s campaign had something to do with Budweiser’s decision. “I think so,” the presumptive Republican nominee said. “They’re so impressed with what our country will become that they decided to do this before the fact.”
http://business.financialpost.com/news/retail-marketing/buds-america-cans-mark-trump-fueled-surge-in-usa-marketing

“Well anyone who isn’t American as I am is a stupid loser!” – Donald Trump

But here’s where I love the internet. While In Bev is a Belgium company, and they own Anheuser-Bush, the parent company of Budweiser, it didn’t take long for the internet to explode with hilarious memes and pointing out the flaws in In Bev’s plan:

But, despite the patriotic changes, one aspect of the Missouri-born beer company cannot be ignored. Anheuser-Busch, based in St. Louis, merged in 2008 with another brewer and became Belgian-Brazilian company Anheuser-Busch InBev, based in… Belgium.
This fact was not lost on social media users, who reacted in posts ranging from humor to confusion.
An Anheuser-Busch spokesman told CNNMoney that Budweiser beer is still American. “All Budweiser served in the U.S. is brewed in the U.S.,” said the spokesman. “This includes the beer inside all of the ‘America’ cans and bottles. This ‘America’ packaging will not be available outside the U.S.”
http://www.bizpacreview.com/2016/05/11/bud-fans-noticed-something-really-messed-up-about-budweisers-america-can-makeover-338913




But here’s my favorite part of the In Bev press release – they actually state that their rationale for this marketing concept is that they’re combining two great things at once – Budweiser and America:
"We thought nothing was more iconic than Budweiser and nothing was more iconic than America," Tosh Hall, the creative director at Budweiser's branding firm, JKR told Co.Design.
http://www.foxnews.com/leisure/2016/05/11/internet-backlash-ensues-over-budweisers-rebrand-as-america/

Yes that’s an actual quote from a Budweiser representative. Combining two things at once? Gee, where have I heard that before?



Yes! They’re using the exact same method Mountain Dew used for their infamous “Puppy Monkey Baby” commercial! Well done!



See you next week!

Ed. Note – the Top 10 is now on Twitter! So follow us at @DUInitechTop10 and you can interact with the hashtags in this edition. Your comment might even be posted!. Do it now why don’t you?

NY Daily News Nails It On George Zimmerman:



FOR SALE: One 9-mm pistol — and whatever’s left of George Zimmerman’s bankrupt soul.

The Florida neighborhood watchman who fatally shot unarmed teen Trayvon Martin in 2012 is putting the killer handgun up for auction — and hoping to fetch at least $5,000.

“I am honored and humbled to announce the sale of an American Firearm Icon,” Zimmerman wrote in his online description of the weapon. The perverted auction opens for bids at 11 a.m. Thursday.

“The firearm for sale is the firearm that was used to defend my life and end the brutal attack from Trayvon Martin on 2/26/2012 ... Many have expressed interest in owning and displaying the firearm including The Smithsonian Museum in Washington D.C. This is a piece of American History,” Zimmerman wrote, a claim that was later refuted by the museum.

The 32-year-old Zimmerman — who left the world gasping when he was acquitted of second-degree murder and manslaughter in the case in 2013 — said he recently got the .9mm-handgun back from the Department of Justice, which kept it after his trial.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/george-zimmerman-auction-gun-killed-trayvon-martin-article-1.2634153


John Oliver Exposes The Real Research Behind "Recent Studies" & Gives His Own Todd Talk



Is coffee a miracle cure, or is it a huge risk to your health? If you sifted through the recently reported scientific studies on the topic, you may not come away with a very clear conclusion.

According to various media outlets, studies have suggested that coffee may help reverse liver damage, help prevent colon cancer, decrease the risk of endometrial cancer, and increase the risk of miscarriage.

"Coffee today is like God in the Old Testament: It will either save you or kill you depending on how much you believe in its magic powers," Last Week Tonight host John Oliver said on Sunday. "After a certain point, all that ridiculous information can make you wonder, is science bullshit?"

Science is supposed to make us more informed. But as Oliver explained, the way new studies are presented in media often misinforms the general public — and may lead some people to distrust the research.

http://www.vox.com/2016/5/9/11638808/john-oliver-science-studies-last-week-tonight

John Oliver nails it once again!

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #26: Why Would God Let Trump Happen? Edition


Top 10 Conservative Idiots #26: Why Would God Let Trump Happen? Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! So I saw Dream Theater last night. Absolutely incredible show. My favorite thing about the metal community is that everyone follows and listens to the same bands. I saw lots of Iron Maiden, Pink Floyd, Rush, Symphony X, Opeth shirts, you name it. But the show was incredible. They have this new album out that's a 2 1/2 hour double disc concept album they put out called "The Astonishing". The album itself is unreal, but seeing it live is indescribable - it really is like seeing a movie unfold before your very eyes with a live band in front of it! I've been a fan of theirs a long time but until last night I had no idea how much range James LaBrie had in his voice. He sang both the male and female parts. Seriously, name any voice actor out there and I'm sure chances are good that they couldn't do what LaBrie is doing. If you have the chance see this show. And buy the album while you're at it, support the metal! And especially support boundary-pushing bands like Dream Theater! So let’s get to it. But first Stephen Colbert wants to know why would God let Donald Trump happen?



This is kind of our first special edition for the 2016 elections here. Because now that Donald Trump has triumphed over all contenders, we can’t bring you the Trump free edition that we promised. But you know folks, let’s talk series finales. You know – those gigantic episodes where they kind of wrap everything up in a nice, neat package and send off all your favorite characters, round up your favorite guest stars, have some crazy plot twists, that sort of thing. And for Obama, before he packs up his White House for good, that series finale was last week’s White House Correspondents Dinner. And a series finale can either be great, or it can be a shit show. Breaking Bad – awesome finale. Dexter – shit show. M*A*S*H – great finale. Seinfeld – shit show. Well you get the idea. You know what they say – all great things must come to an end. Anyway the series finale for the Obama administration is arguably the White House Correspondents Dinner. And this year? It was about half way between being great and being a complete shit show. But speaking of shit shows, not one, but the top 2 slots are going to go to the Bathroom Police (1, 2). In the first slot the AFA is turning up the insanity in regards to North Carolina's HB-2, but in the second slot we're going to show you that it's not all doom and gloom for the transgendered community. At number 3 and 4 we're going to recap Obama's send off with the White House Correspondents Dinner recap. Taking the 5th seed, is the biggest loser of the GOP - Ted Cruz, and we'll have Donald Trump's reactions to some of his comments. At number 6 and 7 is well, Trumpenfuror himself. At number six we're going to tell you how he spent Cinco De Mayo, while the 7th slot is going to talk about his biggest supporters - racist uncles. In the number 8 slot, we're going to talk about the Donald Trump Deflectors (8) which would not only make an awesome cheerleading squad, but people who are actually in power don't like the fact that he might actually wield power. At number 9, Dennis Hastert (9) is attempting to use the GOP "Get out of jail free" card. And finally this week, because I don't want you to get burned out on Donald Trump news, we’re going to talk about poop. Because I am a 12 year old (metaphorically of course). Wait, don’t go! And more specifically, we’re going to Akron, Ohio for this one. It turns out that a serial pooper (10) is on the loose, and this story is even crazier than you would think it is. Not to mention there’s lots of articles filled with bad puns and poop jokes for your amusement! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key !


The Bathroom Police


Sigh… North Carolina’s HB-2 law isn’t going away any time soon. In fact things are getting worse than ever for America’s transgendered community. But before I get into it this week, can we talk about some of the things Caitlyn Jenner has been doing? Are you guys fine with that? I knew you would be! I mean did we really need to know that she used the ladies’ room at Trump Tower in New York City? What purpose did that serve? It would have made more of a statement if she used the ladies’ room at a Target in Greensboro.

A video that she posted on Facebook Wednesday shows Jenner walking in and out of Trump International Hotel and Tower in New York City for a bathroom break -- in the women's room.
"A trans woman in New York, I gotta take a pee. Anyways, Oh my God, Trump International Tower, I love this," Jenner says in the video.
She also knocks Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz for his stance on a controversial North Carolina law, which requires people to use the bathroom that corresponds with their "biological sex" stated on their birth certificate, rather than how they self-identify.
After leaving the bathroom in the luxury Trump property on Columbus Circle in Manhattan, Jenner quips: "By the way, Ted, nobody got molested."
http://www.cnn.com/2016/04/28/politics/caitlyn-jenner-bathroom-trump-tower-donald-trump/


Great that she took some pot shots at Ted Cruz. But how is this a controversy! It’s 2016! And she was in New York City, where that’s allowed! I mean come on people!!! But do we really need her on the cover of the SI Swimsuit Issue? I feel like this is going to hurt the trans community more than it is going to help:

Caitlyn Jenner is reportedly posing nude for the cover of Sports Illustrated, wearing "nothing but an American flag and her Olympic medal."
Caitlyn Jenner uses the women's bathroom in Trump Towers
It will be the first time the former athlete will pose with her gold medal since the bombshell July 2015 Vanity Fair profile in which Jenner came out as transgender. This year marks the 40th anniversary of the 66-year-old's world decathlon record at the 1976 Montreal Summer Games; a source told Us Weekly, "She's excited about that."

Jenner refers to the medal as her "most prized possession," but has said that she tries not to flaunt it because she never wanted her children to feel overshadowed by her achievements.

Since coming out, Jenner has become a highly visible figure in the trans community, most recently talking about her right to use women's restrooms and working on a guest spot on the Amazon drama "Transparent."

Read more: http://www.cbsnews.com/news/caitlyn-jenner-to-pose-nude-for-sports-illustrated-cover/


I can seriously picture the heads of MRAs, frat boys, and all the other SI Swimsuit Issue subscribers doing this:







But North Carolina’s HB-2 may be overturned because it is a direct violation of the Civil Rights Act passed in 1964:

The Department of Justice told North Carolina's governor on Wednesday that a new state law limiting restroom access for transgender people violates the U.S. Civil Rights Act.

In a letter to Republican Governor Pat McCrory that was seen by Reuters, the Justice Department said the state was "engaging in a pattern or practice of discrimination against transgender state employees," and it had until Monday to address the issue.

McCrory's office did not immediately respond to a request for comment.

In March, North Carolina became the first state in the country to require transgender people to use restrooms in public buildings and schools that match the sex on their birth certificate instead of one that matches their gender identity.

http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/north-carolina-transgender-law-violates-civil-rights-law-us/ar-BBsEsV8?li=BBnbfcL


But in an even greater act of defiance than Caitlyn Jenner using the ladies’ room at Trump Tower, the bullies who created HB-2 are calling the kettle black:

North Carolina Republican lawmakers vowed to defy a federal order to repeal or stop enforcing a controversial anti-LGBT law.

The U.S. Department of Justice on Wednesday found the law violated the federal Civil Rights Act and Title IX, and officials ordered lawmakers to comply with those laws by next week or risk billions of dollars in federal education funding.

But House Speaker Tim Moore indicated Thursday that he and his fellow Republicans had no intention of meeting the federally mandated deadline, reported The News & Observer.

“We will take no action by Monday,” Moore said. “That deadline will come and go. We don’t ever want to lose any money, but we’re not going to get bullied by the Obama administration to take action prior to Monday’s date. That’s not how this works.”

http://www.rawstory.com/2016/05/nc-republicans-vow-to-defy-obama-order-to-fix-anti-lgbt-law-were-not-going-to-get-bullied/comments/#disqus


You guys directly violated a federal civil rights law! There’s only one thing I have to say about that!



Last week after I reported that an AFA attorney admitted that she would “shoot to kill” anyone who dares use the bathroom with which they most identify, or a cop who would beat the shit out of trans people, the American Family Asshats admitted that they were doing this:

But rather than take a moment of reflection and realize that what’s really at work here is regular old transphobia and fear-mongering being used to hit back at the LGBT community for having scored a number of recent victories at the state and federal level, conservatives are trying to invent the problem to justify their barbaric solution. For an obvious example, look no further than designated hate group American Family Association, whose director of governmental affairs, Sandy Rios, just admitted that her organization has been sending men into women’s bathrooms at Target in the hopes of eliciting a reaction.

Why Target? The store recently outraged Republicans by publicly standing with the LGBT community and saying its customers can use whichever bathroom they feel most comfortable with. This set in motion the usual calls for boycotts, the usual right-wing smears, and now this… a movement to harass women in Target bathrooms so they are scared enough to demand the policy change.
http://www.addictinginfo.org/2016/05/02/christian-group-admits-to-sending-men-into-womens-bathrooms-to-scare-you-into-hating-trans-people/


You know AFA, by continuing to harass and threaten trans people, you’re not helping your case. In fact you’re only advancing the cause for these laws to get overturned by SCOTUS (which they will eventually) and you’re only making yourselves look like assholes here. As evidence, I give you exhibit A:

Anti-LGBT activists appear to be filming themselves terrorizing Target stores while yelling at the store and its customers to “repent” — in one case leading to 911 calls about an active shooter.

In at least three instances this week, protesters — who identify themselves as Christians — are seen screaming throughout the aisles of the store about the retailer’s policy on transgender-friendly restrooms.

In the video above, purportedly shot in Portland, Oregon, a man is seen abruptly clapping his hands in the back of a store before bellowing: “Target, this is your wake-up call!”

He goes on to decry “transvestites” as defying God’s will.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/protesters-invade-target-stores-to-preach_us_5728acf7e4b0bc9cb044862e


And yes there is tape of this:





But if you want to see what an actual sex crime that the GOP is afraid of looks like, once again, why the people committing these atrocities are not trans people! Instead the fundies are guiltier of sex crimes than just about anybody!


http://www.addictinginfo.org/2016/05/05/duggar-linked-ministry-building-a-retreat-where-christian-dads-can-trade-their-teen-daughters/
It’s becoming increasingly clear that when TLC decided to promote a story of the fundamentalist Christian Duggar family, they weren’t just idolizing right-wing anti-gay bigots, they were legitimizing a toxic cult that for years had lived in the shadows and now – thanks to increasing exposure – has begun to fester and grow.

“Quiverfull,” the fundamentalist movement run by a man named Vaughn Ohlman, works to silence and control women in ways that wouldn’t seem entirely out of place in regions controlled by the Taliban. Its “pitch” is that women should be subservient to their husbands, and relied on primarily for household chores and churning out babies. (The “full” quiver in the name is a nod to the number of children each family is encouraged to have – as many as possible.)...

Enter Ohlman’s brand new “retreat” designed specifically for Christian dads to meet up and plan who they will give their daughters to, particularly troublesome ones who may be nearly out of high school and haven’t found a husband yet....

“Unforeseen contingencies” might include the fact that nowhere in Let Them Marry Ministries’ lengthy post is the consent of the children ever acknowledged. “Let them marry” really means “let us marry them off.”


Holy fucking shit. So let me see if I can follow their logic, or lack thereof: It’s not OK for trans people to use the restroom of their choice. But it’s OK for the Quiverfull movement to overpopulate the planet and sell young women off into sex slavery, and they look the other way on child rape. Ain’t these people great?




The Bathroom Police Pt. 2


So it's not all doom and gloom for the trans community. In fact governor Pat McCrory not only has a sad, he is taking it out on the people he's accusing of creating the backlash against HB-2. But before I explain why, can we get the Sad Hulk Music?



http://www.thenewcivilrightsmovement.com/davidbadash/watch_pat_mccrory_says_hb2_didn_t_cause_backlash_this_was_started_by_the_left
Governor Pat McCrory says that HB2 is not to blame for the billions of dollars and thousands of jobs lost in North Carolina. His sweeping anti-LGBT law, parts of which were declared illegal by the U.S. Dept. of Justice Wednesday afternoon, has been specifically mentioned by countless corporations and performers as the reason they are refusing to do business in the Tar Heel state. McCrory denied any and all responsibility for HB2 and its effects, despite having called for the law after Charlotte passed a nondiscrimination ordinance, and despite having signed HB2 into law less than 12 hours after it was first introduced into the General Assembly.

"I don't think it was HB2 that caused it, regardless of what you and the national press might say," Gov. McCrory said early Wednesday evening at the N.C. Chamber Annual Government Affairs Conference.

"This was started by the left," the Republican governor insisted, despite the fact that nine other North Carolina municipalities have had the same or similar ordinances for years, with no push back from previous governors or state lawmakers. "In fact most of the national media thinks the right started this issue, it was the political left," he repeated.

McCrory, after having discussed the Houston Equal Rights Ordinance, and ignoring Charlotte's failed nondiscrimination ordinance last year, then claimed "this was never an issue until just recently, and it came out of the woodwork. And it came, this particular issue, came from the political left," McCrory again repeated.


Can I be the first to call out McCrory on this? Because we all know what we are thinking with this one!



But even though it's bullshit here's where things are looking up. Oregon is doing everything right that North Carolina should have done.

http://www.oregonlive.com/education/index.ssf/2016/05/oregon_lays_out_sweeping_prote.html
Transgender students across Oregon should be able to use the bathrooms, names and pronouns they want, according to unprecedented guidelines released Thursday by the Oregon Department of Education.

In a sweeping 15-page document the department issued what are likely to be controversial suggestions for Oregon educators — directing them to allow transgender females to play girls sports, for example, and transgender boys to wear tuxedos to prom.

They also suggest school leaders use transgender students' preferred names, even if that differs from a legal name, on all transcripts and diplomas. And they say the state will require no proof before changing a student's gender in Oregon records.

"A student who says she is a girl and wishes to be regarded that way throughout the school day should be respected and treated like any other girl," the document reads. "So too with a student who says he is a boy."


That's how it should be done!

But... it gets even better! First Target is not the only store fighting back against HB-2 and the AFA. Other companies have joined in:

http://www.newnownext.com/starbucks-barnes-noble-join-target-in-instituting-trans-friendly-bathroom-policies/05/2016/
Starbucks, Hudson’s Bay Co.—parent company to Lord & Taylor and Saks Fifth Avenue—and Barnes & Noble have all come out in support of trans people’s rights to use the bathrooms that best align with their gender identities.


There's talk from the DOJ that North Carolina might repeal HB-2 as early as next week. Oh wait.... they're not doing that.

http://www.thenewcivilrightsmovement.com/davidbadash/north_carolina_s_gop_speaker_of_the_house_is_lying_his_ass_off
On Wednesday, the U.S. Dept. of Justice officially notified the State of North Carolina, in a letter to Gov. McCrory, that HB2 is illegal. The DOJ, in its three-page letter explaining why HB2 is illegal, demanded Gov. McCrory respond by Monday at 6:00 PM EDT, stating if he will cease enforcing HB2.

The DOJ noted that if the governor missed the deadline, it could withhold hundreds of millions, and possibly billions of dollars in federal funding.

Enter North Carolina's grandstanding Speaker of the House, GOP Rep. Tim Moore. Thursday afternoon, Moore held a press conference blaming President Obama, and, spectacularly, stating North Carolina had no intention of meeting the DOJ deadline.

“We will take no action by Monday,” Moore told reporters Thursday, as reported by Colin Campbell of the News & Observer. “That deadline will come and go. We don't ever want to lose any money, but we're not going to get bullied by the Obama administration to take action prior to Monday's date. That's not how this works.”


But this is the same party who said they would not be bullied by Obama! They're only doing.... exactly.... what..... they said they would.... do...? But you know what? Every time that Christian people think they're entitled to harass an innocent trans person just needing to take a piss, because a sex crime "might take place", I'm going to fight back by showing actual really fucked up things they do in regards to sex while claiming to be Christian. Are you guys OK with that? I knew you would be! Like this!

Earlier today, we posted about a Christian group planning on holding a retreat for parents who wanted to marry off their children. Making matters worse, the host of the event, Vaughn Ohlman, suggested that the kids could be as young as their early teens.

As of tonight, however, that event has been canceled.

The retreat — and that word seems particularly apt here — was slated to take place at Camp Hiawatha in Wichita, Kansas, a campground owned by the Salvation Army. The group denied any involvement with Ohlman’s organization Let Them Marry once the story went viral online:

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/05/05/christian-mans-retreat-to-arrange-marriages-for-kids-has-been-canceled/?utm_source=SilverpopMailing&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=friendlyatheist_050616UTC050521_daily&utm_content=&spMailingID=51319515&spUserID=MTE4MTY1MzAzMTE5S0&spJobID=920742067&spReportId=OTIwNzQyMDY3S0


Yes! Arranged marriages are a thing in America for some reason. Or this:

http://www.alternet.org/tea-party-and-right/purity-balls-plan-b-and-bad-sex-policy-inside-americas-virginity-obsession

The men and girls in the photos hold hands and embrace – the young women are in long white dresses, the men in suits or military regalia. If some of the girls in the pictures weren't so young - Laila and Maya Sa up there are seven and five years old, respectively - the portraits could be mistaken for wedding or prom pictures. What they actually capture, though, are images of those who participate in purity balls – father-daughter dances featuring girls who pledge to remain virgins until marriage and fathers who promise to protect their daughters' chastity.

The images from Swedish photographer David Magnusson's new book, Purity, are beautiful, disturbing and tell a distinctly American story – a story wherein a girl's virginity is held up as a moral ideal above all else, a story in which the most important characteristic of a young woman is whether or not she is sexually active. This narrative of good girls and bad girls, pure girls and dirty girls, is one that follows young women throughout their lives. Purity balls simply lay that dichotomy bare. In a clip from a Nightline Prime episode on these disconcerting events , a father tells his braces-clad daughter, "You are married to the Lord, and your father is your boyfriend." (Update: As part of a purity event over the weekend sponsored by the Las Vegas police department, one of its officers told girls that if they had pre-marital sex they would end up rape victims, gang members, drug addicts or prostitutes.)

So by following their logic again - it's not OK for trans people to use the bathroom of their choice or identify by the gender they feel the most comfortable with. But the Christian right has absolutely no problem with selling the idea of arranged marriages. And they're also perfectly OK with a creepy dance where daughters pledge their virginity to their fathers. #FundiesSoCreepy



White House Correspondents Dinner Recap Pt. 1




Boom. So if the Obama administration were a TV series, the final state of the union which was given back in February, would be the penultimate episode, like Breaking Bad’s “Granite State”, or the Sopranos’ “The Blue Comet”.. The White House Correspondents Dinner (WHCD) or “Nerd Prom” as it’s often called, would be the series finale. And just like any good series finale, the WHCD was chock full of the things you’d expect from a great series finale – you’d bring back series regulars, fan favorites, maybe have an exciting plot twist at the end which long time viewers weren’t expecting. And any series finale can go two ways – the first is that it can be spectacular, like Breaking Bad, M*A*S*H, or The Sopranos. Or it can be like Seinfeld or Dexter, and be a complete shit show. This was the latter. Rather than have fan favorite guest stars return and maybe the plot twist you were expecting, instead you got Larry Willmore. Love him or hate him, let’s roll tape and let you decide.



But more specifically here’s a transcript of some of the remarks that Mr. Wilmore made:

Comedy Central star Larry Wilmore was the entertainer at the White House correspondents’ dinner on Saturday night, where he delivered a roast full of insults for everyone: President Obama, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, and of course, the media. There were some audible gasps in the room at some of this material, and we’ll probably be debating for a while whether he went too far. Here are some of his harshest burns:
— “Welcome to Negro Night here in Washington. Or as Fox News will report, ‘Two thugs disrupt elegant dinner in DC.'”
—  “Nice to be here, though, at the White House correspondents’ dinner where, as you know, they’re gonna call it next year, ‘Donald Trump Hosts a Luxurious Dinner Paid For By Mexico.'
— “A little bit about me: I am a black man who replaced a white man who pretended to be a TV newscaster. So yeah, in that way, Lester Holt and I have a lot in common.”
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/reliable-source/wp/2016/05/01/larry-wilmores-harshest-burns-in-his-white-house-correspondents-dinner-speech/?tid=a_inl


But see here’s the thing – Stephen Colbert – who did the WHCD in 2006 in the early days of the Colbert Report – crushed it. I mean most of what he said back then still rings true 10 years later. I mean was Larry Wilmore attempting to do the same thing? But the president himself had some great stuff at his final big WHCD dinner speech. Let’s first roll tape and then discuss:



Some of his best jokes (yes, against Donald Trump).
Even in absentia, Donald Trump was the most talked-about person in the room at the so-called “nerd prom.”
On April 30, Saturday night, at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner—an annual see-and-be-seen event where Administration officials hobnob with the Washington press corp alongside a crazy quilt of celebrities from across the cultural spectrum—the billionaire Republican frontrunner was more conspicuous by his absence. (Trump, like Hillary Clinton, Democratic frontrunner, was on the campaign trail.)
Still, Trump became the punchline for a barrage of stinging jokes by President Obama in what was generally regarded as a command performance at the president’s eighth and final Correspondents’ Dinner.
<snip>
“The Republican establishment is incredulous that he’s the likely nominee. Shocking!” Obama said. “They say Donald lacks the foreign policy experience to be president. But in fairness, he has spent years meeting with leaders from around the world: Ms Sweden, Ms. Argentina, Ms. Azerbaijan.”
And, then:
“And there’s one area where Donald’s experience could be invaluable. That’s closing Guantanamo,” the president continued. “Because Trump knows a thing or two about running waterfront properties into the ground.”
http://fortune.com/2016/05/01/obama-white-house-correspondents-dinner/




Oh snap!!! He didn’t go there did he! But in typical Top 10 fashion, let’s fact check that shit and see if there’s any truth to President Obama’s statement shall we?

On the campaign trail, Donald Trump recently talked about his philosophy on settling lawsuits. CBS News took a closer look at a few cases Trump settled in the late 2000s that revealed some things about Trump's business dealings.
According to Forbes, the GOP presidential candidate's wealth is now estimated at $4.5 billion. Trump started making money when he actually owned buildings. But today, he doesn't own nearly 40 percent of the 62 buildings that bear his name.
Trump began licensing deals when he started to see the market going soft in the mid-2000s. Putting his name on projects -- but not owning them -- meant he would not be responsible if the developments failed.
The Trump licensing partnership often works like this: A company wants to develop a property, and Trump either manages the property or just puts his name on it and gets a fee.
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/gop-candidate-donald-trump-licenses-his-name-real-estate-lawsuits-over-failed-developments/


“I’m not exactly sure how Mr. Obama feels about this subject! See I make the best decisions, I use the best words, and I have a gigantic penis. I’m the best real estate broker in the entire world! I will build the best wall, I will hire the best contractors, and Mexico is going to pay for it!”

But wait – go back to this part from that last article.

Investors say the Trump name was a great selling point, and they thought if it was good enough for Trump, it must be a safe bet.


Think about that statement for a minute. If it was good enough for Trump, it must be a safe bet. Um… excuse me? Have you been paying attention to the same Trump that I have been paying to??? Go back and read that statement again. Read it several times if you have to. But there is definitely truth to what President Obama is saying! And Mr. Trump’s comment?




White House Correspondents Dinner Recap Pt. 2


Well the insanity didn’t just stop with Larry Wilmore’s speech. The real batshit insanity that nearly turned the final WHCD for Obama into a total shit show happened at the after party. Can I get the appropriate music for this entry?



How much do I love the Lonely Island? Let me count the ways!

So here’s what made the series finale for the Obama administration turn from what should have been a celebration of the last 8 years into a complete shit show:

For an event held at the soaring U.S. Institute of Peace building in Foggy Bottom, the swanky afterparty hosted by MSNBC following the White House Correspondents’ Association dinner sure saw some conflict.
In the early-morning hours of Sunday, a scuffle broke out between Fox News correspondent Jesse Watters and Ryan Grim, the Huffington Post’s Washington bureau chief. The fight — unusual among a tuxedo-clad crowd more used to venting their differences with Twitter snarks — briefly caused ripples in the party, where political staffers and journalists were grooving to tunes spun by DJ Biz Markie and noshing on mini servings of chili cheese fries.

Here’s how it went down, per several witness: Grim and Watters were among a group located in a heated tent just outside the main party area. The two apparently don’t have a personal relationship, but Grim realized who Watters was and recalled a beef he had with the “O’Reilly Factor” correspondent that dated back to 2009, when Watters, known as an “ambush journalist,” had engineered an on-camera confrontation of writer Amanda Terkel, now a HuffPo colleague of Grim. Terkel’s account of the incident was headlined “I Was Followed, Harassed, And Ambushed By Bill O’Reilly’s Producer.”
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/reliable-source/wp/2016/05/01/nerdy-fight-breaks-out-at-whcd-afterparty-between-fox-news-and-huffington-post-reporters/




Whoa! Let’s stop there for a minute! So this entire thing stems from a beef from the 2009 WHCD when O’Reilly’s producer had a beef with the Huffington Post and took it out on the writer that was sent there to cover the event. But here’s my favorite part of this story:

Asked for comment, a Fox spokeswoman said the most Washington thing ever: “Jesse will address the issue tomorrow night on The O’Reilly Factor.” Meanwhile, Grim was unrepentant. “Ambush guy can’t take getting ambushed,” he said. “Maybe he should think about his life choices.”





Ted Cruz


So audience, I need your help to decide the appropriate music for this entry. Can you help me out here? Choice #1:



Or:



Or:



Or:



Or my personal favorite:



Yeah let’s go with that one.

So Ted Cruz is gone ladies and gentlemen! We have lost another one!
Ted Cruz dropped out of the presidential race on Tuesday night, ending one of the best-organized campaigns of 2016 after a series of stinging defeats left Donald Trump as the only candidate capable of clinching the nomination outright.
Cruz had appeared eager to go all the way to Cleveland to contest the Republican convention, but a string of massive losses in the Northeast and his subsequent defeat in Indiana convinced his team there was no way forward.
“From the beginning I’ve said that I would continue on as long as there was a viable path to victory,” Cruz said, with his wife Heidi by his side. “Tonight I’m sorry to say it appears that path has been foreclosed.”
http://www.politico.com/story/2016/05/ted-cruz-drops-out-of-presidential-race-222763


But he didn’t go quietly. He couldn’t leave without taking a few pot shots at Trumpenfuror.

Ted Cruz laid into Donald Trump with his most personal and toughest criticism since the GOP presidential campaign began, calling him a "pathological liar" on Tuesday who doesn't understand the difference between the truth and lies. 
Cruz prefaced his comments by saying that for the first time, he wanted to say exactly what he thought of Trump after the front-runner suggested Cruz's father might have had something to do with the assassination of President John F. Kennedy.
The Texas senator accused Trump of being both disingenuous and self-aggrandizing, saying Trump was a "narcissist" at a level "I don't think this country has ever seen."
"Donald Trump is such a narcissist that Barack Obama looks at him and says, 'Dude, what's your problem?' " Cruz said. 
“Whatever lie he’s telling, in that minute he believes it, Cruz added. "But the man is utterly amoral. Morality does not exist for him.”
http://www.thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/presidential-races/278514-cruz-trump-is-an-utterly-amoral-bully-narcissist-and


Wait… morality doesn’t exist for him? Do you belong to the same GOP as last year or the same GOP in the last few weeks? Dennis Hastert – this guy was a tick away from being president, and he’s a child rapist. You know what he’s getting? He’s getting the GOP “pray for forgiveness” get out of jail free card! That’s moral? What the hell? We’ll talk about that later on. But back to Cruz, let’s post some choice quotes from the man and see what Mr. Trump says. Like:

CRUZ: I'm going to tell you what I really think of Donald Trump. This man is a pathological liar. He doesn't know the difference between truth and lies. He lies practically every word that comes out of his mouth. And in a pattern that I think is straight out of a psychology textbook, his response is to accuse everybody else of lying.”
http://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2016/05/03/cruz_explodes_pathological_liar_trump_a_narcissist_at_a_level_i_dont_think_this_country_has_ever_seen.html


Trump: “I’m not exactly sure how Mr. Cruz feels on this issue. I always tell the truth! Even when I lie! I’m a real life Tony Montana! You know, everyone loves Scarface because he always fought back against the establishment and that’s what I’m doing! And just like Tony, I also have a gigantic penis! Don’t ask me how I know that!”



Or:

CRUZ: The man is utterly amoral. Morality does not exist for him. It's why he went after Heidi directly and smeared my wife, attacked her. Apparently she's not pretty enough for Donald Trump. I may be biased, but I think if he's making that allegation, he's also legally blind.


Trump: “How dare you! I’m very moral! I’m the most moral guy you are ever going to meet! My wife is very hot. In fact she’s the hottest woman on the planet and she’ll make an unbelievably hot first lady. I mean come on, how many countries on earth can say their first lady is the hottest woman on the planet?”

Or:

If you care about immigration, Donald is laughing at you. And he's telling the moneyed elites he doesn't believe what he's saying. He's not going to build a wall. That's what he told The New York Times. He will betray you on ever you issue across the board. And his strategy of being a bully in particular is directed at women. Donald has a real problem with women.


Trump: “I’ve got a real problem with women? How dare you again sir! I have an amazing record with women. I know – my wife is scalding hot and my daughter is also scalding hot! And hey I’m not the one who did this to your wife after finding out you lost to me!”

And yes this happened:

.


While I don’t usually post satire articles in the Top 10, I have to give mention to this Borowitz Report, which brilliantly says what we’re all thinking:

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The United States Senate declared an official day of mourning on Wednesday to mark the impending return of Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) to the legislative body.

Ordering all flags at the U.S. Capitol to half-staff, the Senate Majority Leader, Mitch McConnell, announced the day of mourning in a somber proclamation. “We mark this day with a deep personal sense of loss that will never completely heal,” he said.

To recognize Cruz’s return, which is expected to be imminent, McConnell said that the Senate would suspend all work for the day. “Ordinarily our members would welcome a day off,” he said. “But not for this.”

In a rare moment of consensus for this bitterly divided chamber, both Republicans and Democrats expressed their sorrow, but the news of Cruz’s return seemed to cut the deepest among Republicans, many of whom now regret their decision not to endorse the Texas senator for President.

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/senate-officially-mourns-return-of-ted-cruz





Donald Trump


So for this entry we really got to talk about how Trumpenfuror celebrated Cinco De Mayo. I mean this is about as batshit crazy as it gets. Do I need to remind everyone of how low Trump is polling with the Latino community?
PRINCETON, N.J. -- Presidential candidate Donald Trump has a major image problem among U.S. Hispanics, with 77% saying they view him unfavorably and just 12% viewing him favorably. This gives Trump by far the most negative image among Hispanics of any of the four Republican candidates. He also has a much more negative image among Hispanics than the two Democratic candidates.
http://www.gallup.com/poll/189887/trump-major-image-problem-hispanics.aspx


That’s right! His numbers are not just low, but a negative 77% rating among Hispanic and Latino voters! To give you an idea of how low of a number that is, right now, *I* have a polling approval rating among the Latino community of 0%. Well hey nobody asked!

But how did Donald Trump celebrate Cinco De Mayo? By posting this bizarre picture of himself eating a taco salad made at Trump Tower:

http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/donald-trump-cinco-de-mayo

Donald Trump, the Republican Party's presumptive presidential nominee, celebrated Cinco de Mayo Thursday with a Tex-Mex taco bowl in New York.

"I love Hispanics!" Trump posted to social media, with a photo of the billionaire hunched over a barely-touched taco bowl purportedly from the Trump Tower Grill.

A recent Gallup poll found nearly 80 percent of Hispanics have an unfavorable view of Trump.


So he eats a taco salad and claims he loves Hispanics? That would be like me listening to a Norwegian black metal band and going “I LOVE NORWAY!!!!” I mean remember our Taco Bell hating friend Clem O’Connor (see Idiots #10)? To put things in perspective, that guy has more of a respect for Mexican culture than Donald Trump does! *AND* he has a higher approval rating among Latino voters than Donald Trump does! So let’s throw the Tweet up there:




By the way let’s zoom in on that shall we?




Yes! The placemat he’s using for his taco salad is none other than a picture of his first wife Marla Maples! Well done! #MYWIFE!!!



But Samantha Bee, formerly of the Daily Show, had a great response:

"The best taco bowls are made by hardworking immigrants who don't like being called rapists by a rich prick. I love inauthentic Mexican food!"


And in case you were wondering, this indeed backfired on him big time:

http://bigstory.ap.org/article/1412ed6de0454abc9d81e892e5fc53e6/trumps-cinco-de-mayo-post-draws-ire-some-latinos
NEW YORK (AP) — Donald Trump's social media post on Thursday to mark Cinco de Mayo immediately went viral, spawning criticism from some Latino groups that found it offensive and pandering.

Trump took to Twitter and Facebook with a picture of himself eating a taco bowl and the caption: "Happy Cinco de Mayo! The best taco bowls are made in Trump Tower Grill. I love Hispanics!"

The post generated tens of thousands of retweets and seemingly as many jokes. But not everyone found it amusing.

Janet Murguia, president of the National Council of La Raza, the nation's largest Hispanic civil rights organization, tweeted a short time later that the Republican presidential front-runner's post was "clueless, offensive and self-promoting."

"Eating a taco or wearing a sombrero doesn't cut it w/our community in 2016," Murguia tweeted.


And here’s the top 3 most liked responses on Facebook in response to Trumpenfuror’s Tweet:

"Can the taco bowl be president instead of Trump?" (143,912 likes)

" Equivalent to: 'Happy Black History Month! The best fried chicken is made at Trump Tower Grill. I love The Blacks!'" (88,009 likes)

"What do this taco bowl and Donald Trump have in common...? There is nothing authentic about either of them." (65,150 likes)


By the way in case you were wondering, the New York Eater reviewed the taco salad at Trump Tower. In a city filled with amazing food, why would anyone choose to eat something that’s bland and tasteless? #TrumpFoodSoBland

I also ordered "beef tacos" ($13.50) which turned out to be a fried tortilla bowl heaped with romaine lettuce, grated yellow cheese, and plain ground beef that was so devoid of flavor, it rendered an insult to Mexicans every bit as profound as Trump’s previous pronouncements. Trump food is bland food.
http://ny.eater.com/2016/1/21/10809092/nyc-donald-trump-restuarant






Donald Trump


Donald Trump, congratulations! You just won the Republican primary without having to wait for the RNC! What are you going to do?

Trump: “I’m not just going to go to Disneyland, no. I am going to go to Disney World, buy Epcot Center, gut it, and turn it into my personal billiards room! Because that’s what true winners like me who are very smart, very rich, and very good with money would do!”

So hypothetical situation time. You’re Donald Trump and you just won the GOP primaries last week. Now what do you do? Start picking vice presidents? Well he named some names, and those names don’t exactly agree with his choice:
It’s a time-honored tradition for politicians to deny any interest in the vice presidency. But this year, with the possibility of Donald J. Trump as the Republican nominee, they really mean it.
“Never,” said Chris Schrimpf, a spokesman for Gov. John Kasich of Ohio, who is still running against Mr. Trump. “No chance.”
“Hahahahahahahahaha,” wrote Sally Bradshaw, a senior adviser to Jeb Bush, when asked if he would consider it.
“Scott Walker has a visceral negative reaction to Trump’s character,” said Ed Goeas, a longtime adviser to the Wisconsin governor.
Or, as Senator Lindsey Graham put it, “That’s like buying a ticket on the Titanic.”
A remarkable range of leading Republicans, including Gov. Nikki Haley of South Carolina and Senator Jeff Flake of Arizona, have been emphatic publicly or with their advisers and allies that they do not want to be considered as Mr. Trump’s running mate. The recoiling amounts to a rare rebuke for a front-runner: Politicians usually signal that they are not interested politely through back channels, or submit to the selection process, if only to burnish their national profiles.
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/01/us/politics/donald-trump-vice-president.html?_r=0



But one guy who might be open for consideration is a favorite punching bag here at the Top 10 and that’s David Duke:

http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/david-duke-hails-donald-trump-thwarting-jewish-supremacists-who-control-our-country
On his radio program today, white nationalist leader David Duke celebrated Donald Trump’s “amazing victory” in the Indiana primary, which allowed him to become the presumptive Republican nominee for president, hailing Trump for terrifying wealthy “Jewish extremists” and exposing the “Jewish supremacists who control our country.”

Trump, who earlier this year briefly refused to reject Duke’s endorsement, has been a favorite of white nationalist leaders like Duke, who predicted that the GOP presidential candidate will rehabilitate the image of Adolf Hitler.


And we’ve often said here that Donald Trump is the perfect leader for the KKK, and calling him “Trumpenfuror” and “Adolf Hitler Jr” maybe taking things a bit too far, methinks. Well not really especially when you figure that Donald Trump is the candidate of choice for white supremacists. Like this guy:

Former KKK leader David Duke isn’t the only high-profile white nationalist who has declared himself to be on team Trump.
In an interview with Richmond, Virginia, NBC affiliate WWBT, a man identified only as the “imperial wizard for the Rebel Brigade of the Knights of the Ku Klux Klan” weighed in on the 2016 presidential election and declared his support for Republican candidate Donald Trump. 
“I think Donald Trump would be best for the job,” he told anchor Chris Thomas. “The reason a lot of a lot of Klan members like Donald Trump is because a lot of what he believes, we believe in.” 
The KKK leader added that he doesn’t support Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas), despite seeing eye-to-eye with him on a few issues, because he doesn’t consider the Canadian-born lawmaker to be an American citizen.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/virginia-imperial-wizard-kkk-donald-trump_us_5728e38be4b016f37893bbce






The Donald Trump Deflectors


Sorry GOP but you own this one. Donald Trump is the candidate you created. I don’t want to talk about Donald Trump all the time, quite frankly I’m getting sick of it, but now that he’s inexplicably the front runner he’s going to be on the national stage all the time. The rest of the world is probably laughing at us. This is just jaw-droppingly stupid:

http://talkingpointsmemo.com/edblog/this-is-astounding

So many stories in presidential politics, in all politics, are more sound and fury than substance. This one isn't. It's hard to overstate how big a deal it is. Donald Trump caught a lot of grief during the primaries for putting several of his companies through bankruptcies during his career. He's also made a point of arguing that he'd bring his brand of "deal-making" to the presidency. It now seems like both of those things may have been way more significant than maybe anyone realized.

On CNBC this morning Trump suggested that one strategy he'll use for reducing the national debt is having bond holders accept "haircuts". To be clear what that means, he'll try to get people who own US Treasury bonds and are owned X to accept X/2, or some reduced amount of what they are owed.

That's called defaulting on a debt obligation.

In other words, he wants to put the US through something like bankruptcy. Now, to be clear, in the world of business this is not at all uncommon. In a bankruptcy proceeding almost everyone takes a haircut. Many lose everything. You were owed $7 million and you have to accept $2 million. It often happens in simple business negotiations too. Things aren't going great. Debt has to be restructured to help the company survive. A creditor thinks they might lose everything so they'll accept 50 cents on the dollar.


Wait so he wants to bankrupt America so it can pull itself back up? Excuse me? Have you seen how much debt the US is in already?

But here’s where the GOP doesn’t want anything to do with Trump. First there’s a list of people who *DO NOT* want to be Donald Trump’s VP:

Donald Trump is looking for a Republican, likely with political experience, to be his running mate as he shifts toward the general election.
The real estate mogul has boasted about his business chops, insisting he would be a strong president for the economy, jobs and the military while conceding that he could benefit from a vice president with congressional connections and experience to help pass his agenda.
On Thursday, the presumptive Republican presidential nominee set the odds that his running mate will be a former rival, suggesting during an interview with CNBC that there is “probably a 40 percent chance” that his veep will be one of the 16 candidates who ran against him for president.
http://www.politico.com/blogs/2016-gop-primary-live-updates-and-results/2016/05/donald-trump-vp-refuse-222863


John McCain is calling out that Trump’s victory has hurt his reelection chances:

“If Donald Trump is at the top of the ticket, here in Arizona, with over 30 percent of the vote being the Hispanic vote, no doubt that this may be the race of my life,” McCain said, according to a recording of the event obtained by POLITICO. “If you listen or watch Hispanic media in the state and in the country, you will see that it is all anti-Trump. The Hispanic community is roused and angry in a way that I've never seen in 30 years.”
http://www.politico.com/story/2016/05/trump-latinos-mccain-222810



Even Sean Hannity is suggesting that Paul Ryan is leading a circular firing squad against Trump:
Hannity spent the majority of his program railing against Republicans for failing to fall in line behind Trump, who he officially endorsed on Twitter Thursday night.
Before his show aired, Hannity tweeted to Ryan, "You have to be kidding me on @realDonaldTrump. Establishment out to sabotage GOP nominee, yet they betrayed the base #Pathetic"
He then suggested that Ryan is leading a "circular firing squad" on Trump as the nominee.
http://www.politico.com/story/2016/05/sean-hannity-no-paul-ryan-support-222883




Dennis Hastert


So the GOP loves to “pray for forgiveness”. And they will do just about anything to save their own from getting indicted for the most evil shit imaginable. Like Dennis Hastert for instance. I briefly mentioned this last week but we need to bring it into the spotlight this week.
(CNN)Former House Speaker Dennis Hastert on Wednesday was sentenced to 15 months in prison and ordered to pay $250,000 to a victims' fund in a hush money case that revealed he was being accused of sexually abusing young boys as a teacher in Illinois.
He was also sentenced to two years of supervised release once he finishes his prison term.
For the first time, Hastert, 74, admitted to Judge Thomas M. Durkin in open court that he abused an unspecified number of boys.
One of the survivors of Hastert's abuse, Scott Cross, described the fallout from his actions in court.
"As a 17-year-old boy I was devastated," said Cross, who was previously identified as individual D and is the brother of a Hastert political supporter. "I tried to figure out why Coach Hastert had singled me out. I felt terribly alone. Today I understand I did nothing to bring this on, but at age 17, I could not understand what happened or why."
http://www.cnn.com/2016/04/27/politics/dennis-hastert-sentencing/


Holy fucking shit! You know I think there’s a cell mate in a Pennsylvania penitentiary who would make a perfect match for Dennis. I mean Jesus. First you have sex with an underage teenage boy. Then you pay him off to keep quiet. Then the check… fucking bounces! Could this be just as bad or worse than the Penn State situation? Um… I think it’s worse. You have a guy who’s the former SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE doing this and then bribing his victims to keep quiet. This is about as evil as it gets folks! But it gets better! Or… worse?
Invoking God, Prominent GOP’ers Write Letters for Dennis Hastert, Sexual Abuser of Four Boys
April 25, 2016 by Terry Firma 331 Comments
More than 40 people of prominence have written letters to a judge, requesting mercy for Dennis Hastert, the former Speaker of the House who is awaiting sentencing in a bank fraud and perjury case.
Formally, Hastert is merely facing the music for illegally-structured cash withdrawals, and for lying to federal authorities about what the cash was for. But it’s Hastert’s sexual abuse of at least four boys under his care that has most people a lot more upset. The cash was hush money that Hastert paid to someone who knew his secret. The statute of limitations has run out on the child abuse, so Hastert faces at most six month in jail — for skirting banking regulations, and for his fibs to the FBI.
But even that measly sentence is inhumane, believes Tom DeLay, the former U.S. House Majority Leader, and no stranger to financial shenanigans himself.
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/04/25/invoking-god-prominent-gopers-write-letters-for-dennis-hastert-sexual-abuser-of-four-boys/?utm_source=SilverpopMailing&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=friendlyatheist_042516UTC050409_daily&utm_content=&spMailingID=51230789&spUserID=MTE4MTY1MzAzMTE5S0&spJobID=903185020&spReportId=OTAzMTg1MDIwS0


Let’s stop there for a minute. So who is an ally of Dennis Hastert? Why it’s another former GOP House speaker who was indicted for criminal fraud, among other crimes – Tom DeLay! Let’s continue.
a letter defending Hastert’s character, DeLay referenced not only Hastert’s ill health, but also his faith, writing
“He is a good man that loves the Lord. He doesn’t deserve what he is going through.”
Four other congressmen also sent letters asking the court for leniency in Hastert’s sentencing. They are former California representatives John T. Doolittle and David Dreier, former Connecticut representative Porter Goss, and former Illinois representative Thomas Ewing. All are law-and-order Republicans.

Wow, what a plethora of conservative Christian white men! Gee tell me more! And they’re all pulling the GOP’s favorite “get out of jail free” card which if you guessed… *drum roll*… is… wait for it… “pray for forgiveness”! Why it’s the same thing Robert Bentley is trying to invoke to get him off the hook!




Serial Poopers


Grab your seats ladies, and gentlemen, boys and girls, LGBT and gender non conformers. Or should I say gather your toilets? I am going to channel my inner 12 year old male humor for this entry. Because we have a serial pooper on the loose! And to go with this story, lots of articles filled with bad puns and poop jokes! I mean come on, in the words of the late, great George Carlin, what’s a comedy show without some shit jokes? Let’s go to Akron, Ohio for this story, shall we?

TORONTO – Police are looking to the public for help identifying a man believed responsible for a series of bizarre vandalisms in one Akron, Ohio neighbourhood over the last three years.
Specifically, the “serial pooper” is believed to have left as many as 100 defecations at various locations around Akron’s Castle Homes neighbourhood.
His preferred targets? Cars, front lawns, even children’s toys.
“My mother-in-law walked out of our house one day, and the kids’ front yard slide had to be sanitized,” Castle Homes resident Rob Brunson told WKYC News in Cleveland, Ohio.
http://globalnews.ca/news/1879545/police-in-ohio-on-the-hunt-for-serial-pooper/


Children’s toys??? Hey AFA! You want to know what an actual bathroom crime looks like? I mean what’s more creepy than a guy taking a shit on children’s playground equipment? Well so this guy in Ohio isn’t the first to be a serial pooper. You might remember this story from last year when a Norwegian golf course reported a similar story:
Stavanger Golf Club in south-west Norway has, for the last ten years, been the victim of an unknown culprit who has been using several of the course's holes as a toilet.
Greenskeeper, Kenneth Tennfjord, is the man tasked with dealing with the perpetrator’s deposits.

“He has a couple of favourite holes,” he told Norwegian newspaper, Rogaland Avis. “And we know it is a man because the poos are too massive to be from a woman,” Tennfjord says.

Tennfjord has also noticed a change in the quality and consistency of the man’s nocturnal number twos. “In the early years the stools were relatively hard but they’ve changed. Perhaps he’s been taking laxatives or maybe he doesn’t have the best diet,” says Tennfjord.

The poos were first noticed in 2005. Then, like now, they tended to be accompanied by toilet paper.  
http://www.thelocal.no/20150723/norwegian-golf-course-plagued-by-serial-pooper




My favorite part of that story is that he goes out of his way to make sure that he brings a roll of toilet paper with him. I mean come on if you're going to do the nasty in public, you got to make sure you have a clean ass right? But let’s go back to Ohio for a minute. The story of the Serial Pooper is a disgusting one, and it may have gone as far back as last year. But the pooper is still at large. Whether or not this is the same one that surfaced in Ohio City last week may or may not be the same one. Ohio City is a suburb of Cleveland, which isn’t too far from Akron where the original incidents took place:

The people of Ohio City, Ohio, are wishing they could just flush and forget about a recent rash of incidents involving human feces found in their yards or even on walkways to local businesses.
"I have found wads of poop! And I have had to clean it up myself," Ohio City local, Libby Mayich, told ABC5.
“It’s very disgusting,” said a man only identified as Mark. “You call 9-1-1 and say 'Hey man, I see somebody in somebody yard. They taking a trow or a dump! Or they taking a urine.' By the time police come, they probably be gone.”
Despite all of the signs telling residents to pick up after their furry friends, this “serial pooper” squats on undeterred.
While this story might literally sound like a load of crap, Cleveland police have stated that the perpetrator of this rather distasteful crime would face charges of public indecency and potentially charges of criminal damage or vandalism.
http://www.mrctv.org/blog/ohio-city-residents-are-dealing-serial-pooper


Load of crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Excuse me a minute!

The Castle Homes neighborhood in Akron, Ohio is currently in the midst of a crapstorm- a serial crapper has been leaving steaming piles of hatred on parked cars and, in at least one incident, on toys left in the front yard.
The man is currently wanted for 19 different illegal dumps in Castle Homes, but Akron police believe he may be responsible for dropping over one hundred smelly deposits in the last two years.
http://www.neatorama.com/2015/03/14/Neighborhood-In-Akron-Ohio-Plagued-By-Public-Pooper/


Crapstorm! Excuse me a minute again…

But you know, after the first 19 counts of public defecation, do you stop there or do you go for the full 20? Decisions, decisions!





And Now This:
A-Rod Gets Wood

You know I’m kind of disappointed in the audience here. This is where I would have announced the winners of the Top 10 troll off vs. the white supremacists who are trying to rig the Hugo Awards, but we had no takers. None. What’s a guy got to do to get a hashtag promoted? Yeah I know we lack the marketing departments of Bill Maher, Trevor Noah, or John Oliver, but still… so to get you to remind you to participate next time, I’m instead going to leave you with this unseeable image from a recent Red Sox vs. Yankees game at Fenway – what was A-Rod doing? #ARodGetsWood



You’re welcome.

See you next week!

Ed. Note: The Top 10 is now on Twitter! Follow us at @DUInitechTop10, and you can interact with the hash tags in this edition! Your comment might even be posted! So do it now why don't you?

So North Carolina's HB-2 Is A Direct Civil Rights Act Violation

The Department of Justice told North Carolina's governor on Wednesday that a new state law limiting restroom access for transgender people violates the U.S. Civil Rights Act.

In a letter to Republican Governor Pat McCrory that was seen by Reuters, the Justice Department said the state was "engaging in a pattern or practice of discrimination against transgender state employees," and it had until Monday to address the issue.

McCrory's office did not immediately respond to a request for comment.

In March, North Carolina became the first state in the country to require transgender people to use restrooms in public buildings and schools that match the sex on their birth certificate instead of one that matches their gender identity.

http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/north-carolina-transgender-law-violates-civil-rights-law-us/ar-BBsEsV8?li=BBnbfcL


This is excellent news. But the fundies don't give a shit! They'll still harass and humiliate trans people even if it means:

- Beating the shit out of them: http://news.groopspeak.com/texas-gop-cop-would-beat-a-trans-woman-till-she-needed-hospital-care-gets-owned-on-his-own-post/
- Shoot to kill: http://www.addictinginfo.org/2016/04/25/christian-lawyer-threatens-transgender-women-with-gun-violence-if-they-use-same-bathroom-as-her/
- Follow them into bathrooms with the intent of harassment: http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/american-family-association-testing-target-bathrooms

And these are the people who claim to be on the side of Jesus!

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #25: Wheel O’Corruption 3: Dark Of The Moon Edition


Top 10 Conservative Idiots #25: Wheel O’Corruption 3: Dark Of The Moon Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! It both tastes great and is less filling! Whew!!! And in case you were wondering, why yes, I am naming all the Wheel O'Corruption editions after terrible Michael Bay sequel titles. The next one will be "Age Of Extinction" followed by "Out Of The Shadows". You know we took a week off last week and it feels like an eternity doesn’t it? But you know we couldn’t really do a proper idiots list in the wake of the death of His Purpleness, Prince Rogers Nelson. It really was kind of a sad week last week wasn’t it? You had tributes everywhere. And how great was Saturday Night Live playing the entire episode just chock full of great performances from Prince. I mean the man was truly legendary in what a performer he was. And not only was he a virtuoso on guitar, keyboards and just about every instrument you can think of, he also had his own way of doing things. I mean come on let’s give it up for Prince! Now I know I say this every week but this might be our biggest edition ever. But first – John Oliver enlisted the help of Hamilton’s Lin Manuel Miranda to rap about the dire straits that Puerto Rico is in, mainly the doing of Conservative Idiot Hall Of Famer Strom Thurmond:



So as I promised in the last edition, and I am a man of my word, like the Joker from the Dark Knight, the Wheel O’Corruption is back, yo! For the wheel this week we got a lot of conservative idiocy to discuss. The first entry is going to go to The Bathroom Police (1). Yes, conservatives policing bathrooms sadly is still a thing and not going away any time soon. Taking the second slot this week – John Kasich (2) has a crazy sense of false hope that he is going to walk away the victor of a potentially brokered GOP convention that he’s already naming potential VP picks and has formed a sort-of alliance with Ted Cruz in the hopes of taking down Trumpenfuror. At number 3, Trumpenfuror sets women’s rights back about 100 years. In the number 4 slot, we are going to Maine where governor Paul LePage (4) is one of the craziest people in politics. Whew, boy he had some gems this week. At number 5, Alex Jones (5) really hates Beyonce for some reason and thinks her new album “Lemonade” is part of a CIA mind control plot. Like they do. Alex Jones’ closest rival Glenn Beck (6) takes the number 6 seed this week. So Glenn Beck has a godly explanation as to why the primaries seem like an eternity anymore. Be sure to stock up on plenty of popcorn for that one! In the number 7 slot there was way too much idiocy to comprehend for this week, so we’re going to try something different. We are going to have a Wheel O’Corruption Lightning Round (7). With 3 minutes on the clock and a bunch of stories being rapid fired off, anything can happen!. At number 8, Ted Cruz (8) prematurely picks his vice presidential nominee, while being called Satan by former house speaker John Boehner. In the number 9 slot, while on the subject of trans issues, Keith Ablow makes the case for the APA to finally yank his medical license. As if he hasn’t already. Finally this week we are going to devote the #10 slot by talking about science fiction. Do you guys and gals like science fiction? Did you know that a conservative faction led by white supremacist author and Canadian gift-giving holiday Vox Day (10) are trying to rig the Hugo Awards for the second year in a row? I went down the wormhole on this and it’s crazier than you would think it is. And we are going to put the new Top 10 Twitter feed to some good use. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key !


The Bathroom Police


So for this edition we’re going to spin an imaginary wheel for republican corruption. Use your best imagination for this one. Like what Stephen Colbert uses.

The wheel is back everybody!! And yes just like last time I’ll talk about whatever the wheel lands on. But remember that if it lands on the Guacamole option that it costs $1.50 extra.

- Gun Nuts
- Donald Trump
- Go Directly To Jail
- Clip Without Context
- Guacamole
- 5,000
- Poison
- Poison (The Band)
- New Car
- Bankrupt
- Satan
- Buy A Vowel
- Prince
- Food
- Whammy
- Vice Presidents
- Chuck Norris
- Anti Abortion
- VR Headset
- Science Fiction
- Get Out Of Jail Free
- End Times Worship
- 10,000
- Celebrity Look Alikes
- Fox & Friends
- Double Whammy
- 15,000
- Casting News
- Supermassive Black Hole
- Money
- The Eagles
- Sex Scandals
- Racism
- Something random in the news
- ??? (Mystery)
- Florida (Obviously)
- Infowars
- Lightning Round
- Bonus Spin

Let’s get this shit going! Spin it! And it lands on………. Celebrity look alikes! Does this woman who appeared on Maury last week look like Ted Cruz? Well you be the judge!



My god the resemblance is uncanny! I mean the best plastic surgeon in the world couldn’t do a job that good! And if you guessed this woman is going to do porn, you are correct sir/madam! You get points!

Spin it again! And this time it lands on……. Bathrooms. Sigh. After the last edition’s scathing report on the GOP and bathroom crimes, have we not learned anything? I guess not because we’re a Z-rated show. So GOP, you fucked up on this one, and you continue to fuck up. So much that other countries are issuing tourism warnings to their LGBT residents to avoid the US because the anti-LGBT sentiment is so toxic that it’s beginning to become a problem. Honestly the anti-LGBT rhetoric in this country is becoming like China’s pollution problem, or that mole on your back. It was fine when you checked it a year ago, but when you look at it again, it’s grown to the point where you should probably have a specialist take a look at that thing. Look at what the British government did just last week:

In the eyes of the British government, the U.S. may now be a risky destination for LGBT travelers. The British Foreign Office posted a travel advisory update to its website Tuesday warning members of the lesbian gay, bisexual, and transgender communities about anti-LGBT laws passed recently in North Carolina and Mississippi.

"The U.S. is an extremely diverse society and attitudes towards LGBT people differ hugely across the country," the advisory reads. "LGBT travelers may be affected by legislation passed recently in the states of North Carolina and Mississippi."

Read more: http://www.msn.com/en-us/travel/news/britain-issues-travel-warning-for-lgbt-people-headed-to-us/ar-BBs4iKE?ocid=spartandhp


Bravo fundies. You’ve officially made it completely unsafe for LGBT families abroad to travel safely to the US for holidays. I mean how are their children supposed to enjoy Disneyland or New York City? Well done.

Seriously I thought we had made progress in this area, but nope. So much that Target has weighed in on their issues regarding North Carolina’s HB-2.

(Reuters) - Target Corp said on Tuesday that transgender employees and customers could use the bathroom that corresponds with their gender identity, becoming the first big retailer to weigh in on an issue at the center of a heated national debate.

The move came after North Carolina last month became the first U.S. state to require transgender people to use restrooms and changing rooms in schools and other public facilities that match their sex at birth rather than their gender identity. Lawmakers in some other states have also floated similar laws.

The law in North Carolina does not affect private-sector businesses, which are free to set their own policies, Governor Pat McCrory said in issuing an executive order related to the measure earlier this month.

Backers of the legislation in the Republican-controlled North Carolina legislature say it is meant to protect privacy rights and keep children and women safe from sexual predators.

Read more: https://www.yahoo.com/news/retailer-target-says-transgender-people-bathroom-choice-001322045--finance.html?nhp=1


Yes so Target has weighed in on the subject. It’s officially OK for trans people to use their preferred gender bathrooms at their stores. But did you see the last part of that article? Private entities are exempt from the law meaning that they can dictate their own policies and what Target is doing is exactly what the law says. Now here’s where things are getting out of control. First take a look at this video from “The Liberal Redneck” about the subject:



And then read where a Georgia republican casually admits that so-called "religious freedom" bills are actually designed to protect the KKK. Holy fuck. We live in the matrix. But now check out where this cop says he would beat the living shit out of anyone who dares use the wrong bathroom:

The sheriff of Denton County, Texas, Tracy Murphree, is so transphobic that he has no qualms about physically assaulting trans people who use the restrooms of the genders with which they identify. He has a young daughter, so of course he thinks he’s justified in doing this, regardless of what the woman does in the restroom while his daughter is in there. In fact, he actually said :
“All I can say is this: If my little girl is in a public women’s restroom and a man, regardless of how he may identify, goes into the bathroom, he will then identify as a John Doe until he wakes up in whatever hospital he may be taken to. Your identity does not trump my little girl’s safety. I identify as an overprotective father that loves his kids and would do anything to protect them.”

How does a law enforcement officer justify that kind of battery if there’s no danger? How would he know that every person who entered that restroom was female at birth? Trans people use restrooms like the rest of us – they go in, find a stall, shut the door, do their business, flush, leave the stall, wash their hands, and leave the restroom. That’s it. That’s all.

http://news.groopspeak.com/texas-gop-cop-would-beat-a-trans-woman-till-she-needed-hospital-care-gets-owned-on-his-own-post/


What the hell is wrong with these people? And I always thought cops were supposed to serve and protect, not beat the shit out of innocent people just needing to pee. But here’s where one right-wing religious fundamentalist takes things way too far, and takes the Target name literally:

Years of lugging guns around in public places – such as supermarkets – have resulted in zero terrorist plots thwarted. As such, ammosexuals have had to find a fresh new reason to make sure they are armed to the teeth every time they go outside of their homes. This time, the threat is only “Isis” if that’s the name of a transgender woman who happens to be in a public restroom.

Christian Extremist and president of a theocratic law group named The Liberty Council Anita Staver has declared to the internet that she will be carrying a firearm with her every time she uses the bathroom in public from now on.

Staver took to Twitter to make her formal declaration of pseudo-vigilantism.
Liberty Lawyer ‎@AnitaStaver
I'm taking a Glock .45 to the ladies room. It identifies as my bodyguard. #BoycottTarget @Target
1:48 PM - 22 Apr 2016

http://www.addictinginfo.org/2016/04/25/christian-lawyer-threatens-transgender-women-with-gun-violence-if-they-use-same-bathroom-as-her/


Holy fucking shit. You know we should not be afraid of trans people just needing to take a piss. What do they think we do in the bathroom? Hang around for the ambiance? Hell no! We pee, wash hands, and get the hell out. You know who we should be afraid of? Crazy gun-toting right wing lunatics like this batshit crazy woman who are declaring themselves judge, jury and executioner. They should not get to call themselves religious. Instead, they’re raging assholes. Give it up, fundies. And by the way if you guessed that the actual rate of a trans person committing a crime is zero, you are correct sir / madam! You get points!

http://www.thenewcivilrightsmovement.com/davidbadash/watch_even_fox_news_host_chris_wallace_calls_bathroom_bills_a_solution_in_search_of_a_problem
Fox News Sunday host Chris Wallace slammed anti-LGBT conservatives this weekend for their obsession with so-called "bathroom bills," like North Carolina's HB2, that ban transgender people from using restrooms that conform to their gender identity.

After listening to conservative pundit and publisher Ben Domenech's claim that they are necessary to prevent men – not transgender women – from attacking women in restrooms, Wallace decided to point to actual research.

"We actually decided to try to find out whether it is a public safety issue, whether it is a problem with transgender people misusing bathrooms to prey on others," Wallace told his viewers.

"Here is what the fact checking group PolitiFact found," he said, reading their statement. "'We,' that’s the PolitiFact, 'haven't found any instance of criminals convicted of using transgender protections as cover in the United States. Neither have any left wing groups or right wing groups.'"


Damn………… you know you’ve fucked up when Fox News points out how much you’ve fucked up.

Oh and in case you were wondering, Ted Cruz has a solution – trans people should just not use public bathrooms at all!

Ted Cruz’s tour de transphobia, launched last week to capitalize on Donald Trump’s criticism of North Carolina’s anti-transgender law, has embraced a new extreme position. Speaking to reporters this weekend in Indiana, he actually admitted that he doesn’t believe transgender people should be allowed to use any restroom except the ones in the privacy of their own home.
“Every one of us has the right to live our lives as we wish,” he said. “If any one of us wants to dress up as a woman or man and wants to live as woman or man and believes that we might be something other than what we were born, God has made each of us with free will and the ability to choose to do that if man to wants to dress as a woman, and live as a woman, and have a bathroom at home.”
http://thinkprogress.org/lgbt/2016/04/26/3772708/ted-cruz-transgender-bathrooms-at-home/


So what’s the solution Teddy? Diapers? That weird walker with a bucket they sell in senior pharmacies? Trash cans? Sinks? Alleyways? A 64 ounce "Big Gulp" cup from 7-11? I could keep going! If you're going to take away a group of people's basic right to take a piss, you'd better be providing some fucking alternatives! Otherwise we will brand you as a paid spokesperson for the adult diaper industry! Ted Cruz: The official Senator of Depends Corporation! And that title previously went to David Vitter by the way.

And if you were wondering what an actual bathroom crime that the GOP is afraid of looks like, why guess what? It's not being committed by trans people! Instead it's being committed by - you guessed it - creepy white guys!

http://wkrg.com/2016/04/27/man-arrested-for-photographing-boy-in-restroom/

26-year-old Korey Byron Holt was arrested by Pensacola police yesterday afternoon for allegedly photographing an 11-year-old boy while he was using the restroom.

Holt is charged with video voyeurism and disturbing the peace.

Authorities made the arrest following an investigation where they determined Holt held a camera over a stall and took a picture of the boy. The incident occurred on Sunday around noon at a Pensacola church.

Police learned of the incident after the boy told an adult who later called the police. The 11-year-old boy said he saw someone reach over the top of the bathroom stall next to his and take a picture of him.









John Kasich


Spin it to win it! And it lands on……. Guacamole. Come on out, here, Fernando! So here’s your $2. Everyone, Fernando is our sous chef here at the Top 10. Fernando, say hi to the audience. Audience, say hi to Fernando. Like most good chefs in California, we found Fernando working in the back of a Burger King and decided that his talents were much better put to use working as the official sous chef of the Top 10. See I have this amazing homemade burrito with carnitas al pastor, rice, refried beans, cheese and hot sauce, and Fernando is going to prepare my table side guacamole. Not too many tomatoes. In fact, almost none. Light on the onions. And can I get some of that habanero seasoning? Yeah look at that!



Let’s try some. Mmmmmmmmm. That’s Fernando everybody!

Spin it again! And it lands on…………. Vice presidents! You know, those guys whose “Hall Of” is the least visited attraction at Disneyland. So in the last edition, I talked about how Donald Trump floated several possible vice presidential picks. Now John Kasich is doing the same in the hopes that the convention will be brokered.

Ohio Gov. John Kasich's campaign is starting to vet potential vice presidential running mates that it may use as part of its pitch at the Republican convention in Cleveland, he said in an interview Saturday.
"Well, we have some old hands now who are beginning to do that," Kasich said in an interview for Sunday's CBS "Face the Nation." "These things come quickly and you don't want to have yourself in a position where you've got to pick somebody out of a hat."
And asked whether that's something he will use in Cleveland to help get delegates to turn his way after the first ballot, Kasich replied: "Yeah, I think it's always possible."
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/john-kasich-my-campaign-is-vice-presidential-candidates/


And how far behind is Kasich in the polls, you may ask? Well I answer you, good sir / madam, with this:

And now the bad polling news for Kasich: A new Monmouth University survey of likely Republican primary voters in Maryland, which holds an April 26 primary, shows Trump ahead in Maryland at 47 percent, followed by Kasich at 27 percent and Cruz at 19 percent. The poll also shows Trump leading in congressional districts key to the convention delegate chase. Kasich's strength against Clinton is moot if he can't get to and through a contested GOP convention.
"If Trump's current level of support translates to each of Maryland's eight congressional districts, he may be able to run the table," said Monmouth polling director Patrick Murray.
http://www.cleveland.com/open/index.ssf/2016/04/polls_show_good_news_and_bad_n.html


So trailing by 20%, Trumpenfuror would still win at the GOP convention if these polls prove to be accurate. So he thinks he can still win? Is this some kind of new math I wasn’t taught in school? But… Kasich has a strategy! He and Ted Cruz are planning to form… an alliance!

With Texas Sen. Ted Cruz and Ohio Gov. John Kasich both mathematically eliminated from clinching the Republican nomination, Donald Trump is the only candidate left who can secure the spot as the party's representative. Knowing this, Cruz and Kasich have decided to join forces, form a team, and attempt to block the billionaire real estate mogul from reaching his goal.
As Cruz sits with 559 delegates, and Kasich holds on to just 148, both candidates have decided that coming together is their best shot at forcing a brokered convention. Establishment leaders have been dreading a possible Trump victory, and with less than three months until the Republican National Convention in Cleveland, Ohio, desperate times have called for desperate measures. The Hill elaborated more on the story on April 24.


But… John Kasich on the other hand should be extremely wary of who Ted Cruz might want for his VP pick, and it’s original idiot Carly Fiorina (see Idiots #1 ). Anyone remember that the Planned Parenthood shooter was directly inspired by Fiorina’s batshit crazy anti-abortion propaganda? Anyone?

http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/carly-fiorina-vetted-ted-cruz-vp-pick-source/story?id=38662185
Carly Fiorina is being vetted by Ted Cruz's campaign as a possible vice presidential pick, a source with knowledge of the process told ABC News.

The source said no offers have been made at this time.


So with Teddy and Johnny forming an alliance, is Johnny the Newman to Teddy’s Jerry?






Donald Trump


Spin that shit! Clip without context!



Was Donald Trump describing the horrors of 9-11, or did he actually eat one of those disgusting $2 “awesomeness guaranteed” chicken sandwiches at 7-11? Because either way both require first responders. That chicken sandwich may be $2 now buy you will be paying for it with a gastric bypass operation later on.

Spin it again! And it lands on……….. Donald Trump. Yes Donald Trump has his own brand of batshit insane conservative lunacy. So Trumpenfuror was campaigning in Pennsylvania this week, and after the flub of him asking about Joe Paterno (see the last edition), this time Buzzfeed uncovered some old interviews where he unleashes some good old fashioned 1950’s misogyny. Specifically this happened:

Buzzfeed took a look back at a series of interviews from 2003 to 2007, in which Trump held forth on fatherhood, taking care of the kids, and parental gender roles. The real estate mogul, who is not exactly known for being consistent, stayed on message about parenthood throughout: Dads supply the money, moms do everything else.
Here’s an overview of what these interviews teach us about the GOP frontrunner as a dad and husband.
Trump doesn’t change diapers…
“No, I don’t do that,” Trump said on the Opie and Anthony show in 2005. “There’s a lot of women out there that demand that the husband act like the wife and you know there’s a lot of husbands that listen to that… I’m really like a great father but certain things you do and certain things you don’t. It’s just not for me.”
…or really do anything hands-on to care for his kids.
“I mean, I won’t do anything to take care of them. I’ll supply funds and she’ll take care of the kids. It’s not like I’m gonna be walking the kids down Central Park,” Trump said in a 2005 interview with Howard Stern. “Marla used to say, ‘I can’t believe you’re not walking Tiffany down the street,’ you know in a carriage. Right, I’m gonna be walking down Fifth Avenue with a baby in a carriage. It just didn’t work.”
It’s not just babies that Trump avoids.
In a 2007 interview, Trump told Stern about his relationship with Tiffany, his daughter with Marla Marples. Trump said that Tiffany visits him, “You know for about an hour, ‘Hi dad,’ Hi Tiff, I love you Tiff.’ She’s a great kid,” says Trump, who tells Stern that Tiffany’s a smart girl—something he knows because he “glances” at her report cards.
http://fortune.com/2016/04/24/trump-act-like-wife/


“Changing diapers and raising your children is for stupid losers. See only winners like me who have gigantic penises are the real bread winners of this world. You know I’m a very smart businessman, I make good decisions, I use the best words. And I can’t do any of that if I’m tied down and changing diapers! I just can’t do it! Because that’s stupid loser work!”

Is he Borat now?


In other Trumpenfuror news – while we won't get into his failed foreign policy speech this week (next week though... ), we will point out that Donald Trump has locked up the rageaholic vote by getting endorsements from former Indiana coach Bob Knight, Mike Tyson, and Mike Pence. So his key supporters so far are a raging asshole, a raging asshole, and a raging asshole. So Donald Trump has that vote locked up! Donald was once again fear mongering about ISIS:
"We don't know where they're from, we don't know where they're from, they have no documentation," Trump continued. "We all have hearts and we can build safe zones in Syria -- and we'll get the Gulf states to put up the money, we're not putting up the money -- but I'll get that done."
"Lock your doors folks, okay, lock your doors," Trump concluded. "There's no documentation, we have our incompetent government people letting them in by the thousands, and who knows, maybe it's ISIS. You see what happens with two people that became radicalized in California, where they shot and killed all their coworkers. Not with me, folks, it's not happening with me."
http://thinkprogress.org/politics/2016/04/25/3772530/donald-trump-fear-mongers-syrian-refugees/


And by the way in case you were wondering – yes, skinheads did turn up in droves at a Trumpenfuror rally in Pennsylvania this week:

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/04/26/skinheads-come-out-in-full-force-for-donald-trump-in-pennsylvania.html

A Donald Trump rally in Harrisburg, Pa. last week brought out a large and varied crowd: teens in business suits, Republican members of Congress, and racist skinheads.

Almost a dozen white men decked out in the regalia of a white supremacist group hung out toward the back of the Trump-loving crowd, cheering heartily at the mogul’s calls for stricter immigration enforcement and eyeing police as they dispatched protesters.

The group is called Keystone United -- also known as the Keystone State Skinheads -- and it’s one of the better-organized state-level white supremacist franchises in the country.






Ed. Note - don't worry! Next week we will be going into full detail about the Trump riots in California!


Paul LePage


Entering the spin zone! Sweet, I get a “get out of jail free” card!



I’ll just put that away for later. Spin it again! And this time it lands on… racism. On the Top 10, I’ve frequently talked about my love of the Tina Fey comedy “30 Rock” and how life is imitating their art. In the 7th season of that show there’s an episode where Tracy Morgan mimics a real life governor who is certifiably batshit insane. Really, honestly there’s no way that 30 Rock could accurately recreate a character like Paul LePage. He’s our version of the late Toronto mayor Rob Ford, only without the crack smoking. So this week Maine held their annual GOP convention, where LePage went on this batshit crazy tirade and attacked Indian workers:

Bangor, Maine (AP) — Maine’s Republican governor says it’s hard to understand workers “from Bulgaria” and workers from India are “the worst ones.”

Gov. Paul LePage said Saturday that foreign workers are being used in restaurants after he criticized a referendum proposal to raise Maine’s minimum wage to $12. He says he’s disappointed his alternative proposal to hike the wage to $10 didn’t get traction.

He described Indians as “lovely people but you’ve got to have an interpreter.”

LePage is known for making controversial remarks. In this case, he was chuckling as he spoke at the state party convention. He joked that his wife is going to get a job as a waitress for supplemental income.

He also had a crude remark about President Barack Obama, saying Obama stands for “one big-ass mistake, America.”

http://wbay.com/ap/maine-governor-workers-from-india-hardest-to-understand/


Wow. Just…. Wow. Where do we find these people? I mean seriously. It’s almost as if life imitates art, or art imitates life. In one speech, LePage mocked Maine’s Indian population and denounced the idea of a $12 living wage for Maine. And “One big ass mistake America”? That’s not old by now? Sheesh, even the Republicans’ attempt at “humor” is pathetic, recycled, and as mean spirited as their talking points are. It’s not that the fact that these people get elected mystifies me, it’s that they get re-elected. Like multiple times. Are the voters in Maine suffering from Stockholm syndrome?

But here’s where LePage is busy crafting his own Nixon style enemies list – which includes a people’s advocacy group and a pro environmental group:
Gov. Paul LePage used an address to the Maine GOP convention over the weekend to attack what he says are the greatest enemies to prosperity in the state: the Natural Resources Council of Maine and the Maine People’s Alliance.

Representatives of the environmental and progressive advocacy organizations responded by saying the governor should work on uniting the state rather than dividing it.
http://news.mpbn.net/post/lepage-declares-2-maine-groups-enemies




And another thing – Paul LePage also gave a lecture at University of Maine – Farmington, called the students “idots” then left 5 minutes in. And he’s also trying to apologize for said incident.
Maine Gov. Paul LePage is apologizing and vowing to cut back on public appearances after clashing with two student protesters Tuesday at the University of Maine's Farmington campus and them "idiots."

"For more than five years, the media has flocked to events where I have been asked to speak, not to cover any good news about the events, but to disparage me over issues totally unrelated to the events," LePage said. "Since I am such a distraction to the media, I will no longer attend some of these public events."

http://www.necn.com/news/politics/Maine-Gov-Paul-LePage-Apologizes-After-Calling-Students-Idiots-Walking-Off-Stage-377350791.html



Now as you all are aware now it’s widely believed that Prince died of an overdose of prescription pain killer Percoset. And when his jet landed in Illinois so that doctors could administer a life saving drug, that saved his life temporarily, it’s a damn good thing his jet didn’t land in Maine, otherwise he would have died much sooner:

Brash Maine Gov. Paul LePage vetoed a bill that would make a life-saving overdose prevention medication more available — because it will only prolong life until an addict's next overdose, he said.
LePage, a Republican, blocked the bill on Wednesday, which proposed to make the drug Naloxone — designed to quickly counteract a potentially fatal opiate overdose — available over the counter without a prescription to someone at risk, or their family members.
“Naloxone does not truly save lives; it merely extends them until the next overdose,” the controversial governor wrote in his rejection of the bill.
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/reviled-maine-gov-paul-lepage-blocks-overdose-medication-bill-article-1.2612052


Holy fuck. It takes a certain kind of crazy to believe that cold-hearted shit.




Alex Jones


Spin it to win it! And where does it land? Nobody knows! Ah, it lands on the Eagles! And specifically Joe Walsh is pretty awesome. While we were on break last week this happened:

A Statement From Joe Walsh Regarding His Withdrawl From a Concert Event on Monday, July 18th in Cleveland, OH

April 20, 2016 - "It was my understanding that I was playing a concert which was a non partisan event to benefit the families of American veterans on Monday, July 18 in Cleveland. The admat I approved said this specifically. Today it was announced that this event is, in fact, a launch for the Republican National Convention. In addition, my name is to be used to raise sponsorship dollars for convention-related purposes. Therefore, I must humbly withdraw my participation in this event with apologies to any fans or veterans and their families that I might disappoint.

I am very concerned about the rampant vitriol, fear-mongering and bullying coming from the current Republican campaigns. It is both isolationist and spiteful. I cannot in good conscience endorse the Republican party in any way. I will look at doing a veteran related benefit concert later this year."

-- Joe Walsh
https://www.facebook.com/JoeWalshOfficial/?fref=nf


Yes Joe Walsh hates the republicans and backed out of a planned concert which he later found out was a launching ground for this year’s GOP convention. Let’s play some Joe Walsh before we get into the stink of Infowars, shall we?




Sorry Dude, we love the Eagles here. Spin that shit again! And it lands on…. Oh Infowars! Infowars - that site you go to if you want to know the odds of an event in the news being the result of your guns being taken away. For most of us, we know the odds are zero, but Infowars fans think everything will result in your guns being taken away. Ugh, I don’t want to comment on Infowars or anything having to do with Alex Jones. But they keep me coming back for more. It’s so easy to make fun of right wing conspiracy theorists because they keep bringing the batshit crazy. I mean remember a few months ago when Beyonce showed up and eclipsed Coldplay’s halftime performance at the Super Bowl? Well if you saw Infowars last week you would have thought otherwise!

http://mediamatters.org/video/2016/04/25/trump-ally-alex-jones-claims-cia-funds-beyonce-cause-mayhem/210071

ALEX JONES: This is (Beyonce's) latest video, blowing stuff up, beating everything up, smashing vehicles, and it’s all about men. First it’s hate the cops in the last video, now it’s the ultimate feminist video being hailed. She just hates men and runs around with a crazed look on her face attacking everything.

Again, this is admitted high-level -- it turns out basically everything they put on the Super Bowl or out on Viacom is run by CIA propaganda because that’s their domestic job. “Beyonce invokes ‘urban terrorism’ in new video,” and this is just to get people to act like total morons so that they can then be basically arrested, set-up, put in jail. I mean, this is -- I mean look at the look on her face in the whole anti-police deal. This is how she ran around like, you with the cops, they’re the enemy, and that it’ll fix everything. And then she’s funded by the very government and the very platform, the very establishment system puts her out there.

When you see Beyonce doing all this and making the way to stand up, burn down your neighborhood, or attack your police. The police, then, are being federalized and geared up for what’s about to happen. And so it’s just a way to again play us all off against each other.




What is Alex Jones smoking? And does he even know what the CIA does? Or is he just talking out of his ass? I mean seriously Alex Jones is about as deranged as they come. He’s Bill O’Reilly’s racist uncle. Who wants to go to jail? If you want to see people getting arrested for doing stupid shit, take a look at this story from Fort Bend, Indiana where a student was arrested for paying for lunch with a US legal tender $2 bill. I have one of those in my wallet right now! And then take a look at this statement from the White House where they said that our over populated prisons are more costly than helpful. And Alex Jones thinks people are getting arrested on purpose because it's a CIA plot purposefully incited by their media puppet Beyonce? What the fuck? And Beyonce is inciting riots? Show me exactly one riot that has been undertaken as a result of Beyonce’s Super Bowl appearance. I mean seriously. It can’t be done, can it?



And in case you were wondering, the guest Alex Jones had on was just about as batshit crazy as he is:

Yesterday, conspiracy theorist broadcaster Alex Jones claimed that Beyoncé's new album, "Lemonade," was part of an attempt by the CIA to promote violence and attacks on the police, which would in turn allow the federal government to take control over local police forces. He expounded on this theory in an interview yesterday with far-right pastor James David Manning, urging parents to make sure that their kids aren’t exposed to Beyoncé because she intends to eat their brains. “I’m pro-human so I say, black people, especially, stop killing your kids and get them in church, whatever, take them away from Beyoncé, who wants to eat their brain with the CIA, literally,” Jones said, adding: “Obama literally is the killer of black people and they love him.” Manning, who said he gave Jones’ statements “three-and-a-half Boom Shakalakas,” said “Beyoncé is going to inspire children all across every spectrum to act in a violent way” while, at the same time, literal demons are “promoting” homosexuality “in our schools and in our institutions.” Jones said that he even saw with his own eyes “literal, devil-worshiping communists” demonstrating in favor of abortion rights turn into satanic lizards: “The black people have a green tone, the white people have a green tone, they are turning into lizards or something.”

- See more at: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/alex-jones-beyonc-wants-eat-childrens-brains#sthash.8BDUIaIP.dpuf


Holy crap, this guy contradicted himself in the same sentence! He’s pro human but says that Beyonce will eat your brains. Is he on the Walking Dead?

You know what? I actually did go buy Beyonce’s latest album “Lemonade” in spite of Alex Jones and his batshit crazy Infowars followers. And here's an actual screen shot from my personal iTunes library just to prove it! In addition to loving the metal, I also love the hip hop, the jazz, the funk and just about everything in between.

And you know what? It’s really fucking good! Suck it, Alex Jones! In fact I think every time you buy a Beyonce album, the heads of Infowars subscribers do this:





Glenn Beck


Spin that shit! And it lands on… come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! Supermassive Black Hole! Hit it!


Damn, love me some Muse!
http://gizmodo.com/a-dozen-black-holes-are-mysteriously-spewing-energy-in-1772855254
Something strange is going on in a distant corner of our universe. About a dozen supermassive black holes are all shooting enormous jets of energy in roughly the same direction. It could be a cosmic coincidence—but some astronomers suspect there are larger forces at play.

Supermassive black holes, which are found at the center of nearly all galaxies, periodically erupt, hurling streams of energized plasma into intergalactic space. For instance our galaxy’s own supermassive black hole, Sagittarius A*, will sometimes swallow a star and belch x-ray energy all over the Milky Way. These eruptions are fascinating to astronomers, but they are typically thought to be independent events.


So a dozen black holes all mysteriously blowing energy in the same direction? Either the 9 realms from the Thor movies are converging, or that could also be describing this year’s GOP debates.



Spin it again! End times worship. Someone who is anti science though is Glenn Beck. So everyone’s favorite batshit crazy chalkboard writing, end times worshipping conspiracy theorist Glenn Beck simply won’t go away. Although this week, you know they say that a broken clock is right twice a day. So what’s Glenn Beck’s “scientific” reasoning for why the elections seem like an eternity from the time they first start until the last ballot is cast on November 5th?

Glenn Beck Explains Why God Is Dragging Out The GOP Primary All The Way To The Convention
By: Kyle Mantyla, Monday 04/25/2016

On his radio program today, Glenn Beck suggested that the Republican presidential primary race is going to be dragged out all the way until the national convention because God wants to allow everyone to have their say before He removes his hand of protection from his nation (presumably for failing to nominate or elect Ted Cruz as president.)

As he explained, God is "making sure all of us are accountable" for what happens to this nation, saying that while presidential primary contests are usually settled relatively early on, things are different this year because God knows that the fate of the nation is at stake.

In America today, just as in the Old Testament, Beck said, "the people cry out for a king and God and the prophets stand up and say, 'Don't do it, don't do it.' And the people cry out for a king and God and some people stand up and say, 'Don't do it, don't do it.' But those people who are standing up are always in the vast minority; 'Don't do it, you don't want a king.' And then, usually, the third time they cry out for a king and God's like, 'Whatever. You got a king.' He doesn't stop your free choice; you have free choice. Because we have a covenant with God that started with George Washington, because we have a covenant, I think before He withdraws His protection, He just wants you to be clear and He doesn't want New York to decide for you, He doesn't want New Hampshire to decide for you, Florida, Iowa."
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/glenn-beck-explains-why-god-dragging-out-gop-primary-all-way-convention


God wants to hold everybody accountable? Do you live in the same country that I do? Nobody is held accountable for anything! Rick Snyder poisons the water in Michigan. He’s not held accountable! Dennis Hastert rapes kids, he's not held accountable. Robert Bentley screws over the entire state of Alabama. He's trying to not hold himself accountable! I mean last week it finally took forever for the NFL to hold Tom Brady accountable for artificially inflating his balls!


LIGHTNING ROUND


Spin city!!! Where does it land? Oh………. Oh………… can it be??? YES!!! It’s the Lightning Round!!!



So how is this going to work you may ask? Well I answer you good sir/madam: there was so much idiocy last week that it’s virtually impossible to contain it all. So we are going to do something different for this entry. Rather than post the whole story I’m just going to give you the headline and then you can jump to your own conclusion. And we are going to bring out the wheel’s smaller brother which has just a mere 10 items on it, so I can rapid fire as much of these as possible. The 10 items are: Donald Trump, sex scandals, fundraising, Whambulence, random penises (oddly specific), conspiracy theories, greed, religion, voter fraud, election stealing. There might be a video or a comment or two. So let’s put 3 minutes on the clock!

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRXN_817mHLNHx-3RG5BLC536lt9hvrX52dDTFiu8AuNK4uEI7cPg

Spin it! Donald Trump. Donald Trump fails to impress foreign policy experts..
http://www.politico.com/story/2016/04/donald-trump-foreign-policy-speech-reaction-222544

Spin it! Sex scandals! Dennis Hastert sentenced to 15 months for crimes related to sex abuse.
http://www.cnn.com/2016/04/27/politics/dennis-hastert-sentencing/
And despite that he is an actual sexual predator, he can use the bathroom in North Carolina. Hey O!

Spin it! Donald Trump. Again. This time he once again sets women’s rights back:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/trumps-womans-card-comment-escalates-gender-wars-of-2016-campaign/2016/04/27/fbe4c67a-0c2b-11e6-8ab8-9ad050f76d7d_story.html

Spin it! Fundraising! A John McCain fundraiser got busted for running a meth lab in Arizona. I mean come on, it’s Arizona! California’s Florida!
http://www.azcentral.com/story/news/local/phoenix-breaking/2016/04/27/mccain-fundraiser-arrested-meth-lab-bust-phoenix/83575352/

How much time do we have? 2:15? Spin! Whambulence! So Pat McCrory blames the backlash for HB-2 on a dem wanting to “take his job!”:
http://www.thenewcivilrightsmovement.com/davidbadash/gov_mccrory_blames_liberals_for_orwellian_orchestration_of_hb2_so_a_democrat_could_take_his_job


Spin! Conspiracy theories! So Chuck Norris whines about the terrible dangers of chemtrails:
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/chuck-norris-gets-behind-chemtrails-conspiracy-theory
Or are chemtrails afraid of the dangers of Chuck Norris?

Spin! Sex scandals again! So you know who Dennis Hastert has on his side? Former House speaker and current convicted criminal Tom DeLay! You can always tell a guy by the company they keep!
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/04/25/invoking-god-prominent-gopers-write-letters-for-dennis-hastert-sexual-abuser-of-four-boys/?utm_source=SilverpopMailing&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=friendlyatheist_042516UTC050409_daily&utm_content=&spMailingID=51230789&spUserID=MTE4MTY1MzAzMTE5S0&spJobID=903185020&spReportId=OTAzMTg1MDIwS0

Spin city! Religion! Robert Bentley invokes God and tries to pull a Jedi mind trick:
http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/alabama-gov-impeachment-threat-illegal-38768002

Spin it to win it! Oh... religion again! Man lots of religion! A pastor says he got photographic proof of heaven and was charging $340 for a glimpse at the photos, but then lost it:
http://www.rawstory.com/2016/04/pastor-says-he-took-pictures-of-heaven-but-lost-them-when-his-phone-was-stolen/


How much time is left? 1:22. What’s next? Spin! Greed! Nestle is once again trying to steal water and charge obscene profit!
http://thefreethoughtproject.com/nestle/

Spin it! Religion! Roy Moore once again loses his collective shit over the lawsuits from his recent decision on gay marriage in Alabama:
http://www.thenewcivilrightsmovement.com/davidbadash/roy_moore


Spin! Religion again! So someone built a “life size” replica of Noah’s Ark and it’s coming to San Diego? To pick up the animals at the San Diego Zoo?
http://sdgln.com/news/2016/04/27/life-size-replica-noahs-ark-will-come-san-diego


Spin! And another one for religion! Do I get a trifecta? So the city of Oahu, Hawaii is requesting $250K for a evangelical megachurch:
http://www.civilbeat.com/2016/04/councilmembers-seek-250k-for-church/


45 seconds left! Spin! Voter fraud! Jim DeMint finally admits what we’re all thinking about voter ID laws!
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/jim-demint-voter-id-helps-elect-more-conservative-candidates#sthash.rlvGoTR7.dpuf

30 seconds left! Spin! Election stealing! So there’s a new fact-free smear movie about Hillary Clinton that is set to debut before the DNC in July, and thanks to Citizens United that’s now OK:
http://mediamatters.org/blog/2016/04/28/error-filled-book-clinton-cash-be-turned-movie-2016-election/210125

15 seconds left! Spin it! And for the last one it lands on: random penises! So what else did the Bundy Bunch leave behind at Malheur? Why if you guessed they desecrated Indian ruins by drawing penises on them, you get points!
http://wonkette.com/601019/bundy-buddies-added-dicks-to-indian-petroglyphs-not-a-dick-joke-wonkette-can-get-behind#WatvTXxJWp7hmd7O.99

Phew!! That’s how you do a lightning round! I need a beer!


Ted Cruz


Spin it! And it lands on…………. Satan!



Long live Lemmy!

More specifically, former house speaker and current bronzer model John Boehner called Ted Cruz “Satan”. Or even more speficially the “son of Lucifer”.

When it comes to Texas Sen. Ted Cruz, even a few months’ time out of Congress has done little to lessen former Speaker John Boehner’s contempt for his former Capitol Hill colleague.

“Lucifer in the flesh,” Boehner told an audience at Stanford on Wednesday night, according to the Stanford Daily. “I have Democrat friends and Republican friends. I get along with almost everyone, but I have never worked with a more miserable son of a bitch in my life.”

Read more: http://www.politico.com/story/2016/04/john-beohner-ted-cruz-lucifer-222570#ixzz477ulMBpq


He’s “Lucifer in the flesh”, ladies and gentlemen!!! And by the way, why has no heavy metal band used that as an album or a song title? I mean come on guys let’s get to it!

And by the way, The Satanic Temple weighed in on the subject:

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/04/28/the-satanic-temple-weighs-in-on-john-boehner-calling-ted-cruz-lucifer-in-the-flesh/
I asked The Satanic Temple to weigh in — after all, they have a vested interest in this matter — and spokesperson Lucien Greaves told me this:

Boehner’s comment is illustrative of how well past time it is to adjust our mythologies to reflect our realities. Cruz’s failures of reason, compassion, decency, and humanity are products of his Christian pandering, if not an actual Christian faith. It grows tedious when pedophile priests and loathsome politicians are conveniently dismissed as Satanic, even as they spew biblical verse and prostrate themselves before the cross, recruiting the Christian faithful. Satanists will have nothing to do with any of them.



But in even stranger Ted Cruz news, we are just a mere 80 days away from the kick off of the Republican National Convention in Cleveland. 80 days! Which in political time feels like 7 and a half years.



But that didn’t stop Teddy from prematurely announcing his VP pick. I mean don’t we have a convention to go through? Don’t you have things like delegates to get and a nomination to pick up before you announce your VP pick?
(CNN)Ted Cruz formally named Carly Fiorina as his vice presidential running mate Wednesday -- a last-ditch move to regain momentum after being mathematically eliminated from winning the GOP presidential nomination outright.
"After a great deal of consideration and prayer, I have come to the conclusion that if I am nominated to be president of the United States that I will run on a ticket with my vice presidential nominee Carly Fiorina," Cruz said during a rally in Indianapolis.
http://www.cnn.com/2016/04/27/politics/ted-cruz-carly-fiorina-vice-president/




But Forbes is speculating that this could potentially backfire on him spectacularly:

Fiorina doesn’t appeal to Kasich voters

For better or worse, Kasich has become the vessel of moderate Republican voters: the suburban, upper-income folks who prefer pragmatism to bomb-throwing. And Carly Fiorina is, at least rhetorically, a Cruz-style firebrand.

There’s also the fact that pragmatic conservatives tend to favor someone for veep who has deep experience in governing and legislating, something that Fiorina does not.

In other words, Cruz picked one of the few people in the 2016 field who will struggle to appeal to Kasich voters and unite the GOP around Ted Cruz.
http://www.forbes.com/sites/aviksaroy/2016/04/28/ted-cruzs-carly-fiorina-vp-pick-could-backfire-badly/#e6ed7747fc8c


And how did Carly Fiorina celebrate the announcement? By breaking out in a very awkward song!





Keith Ablow


Spin it! And it lands on… clip without context!



Because we all know God runs the voting machines. I mean he can change them at any time!

Spin it again! Fox & Friends. The most watched show by low information voters among the 18 – 35 demographic. Well we’ve discussed trans issues ad nauseum this week but then there’s Keith Ablow. This guy is an entirely new level of just plain fucking evil. And he is a licensed psychiatrist. I will repeat this: he is a licensed psychiatrist!!! Why hasn’t the board yanked this fundie douchebag’s license yet? What’s he’s prescribing here is completely unethical, immoral, and inhumane….
Fox News "Medical A Team" member Dr. Keith Ablow speculated wildly about medical care for transgender children, proposing his own harmful treatments that go against scientific evidence and professional standards from mainstream medical associations.
In a rant where he compared being transgender to pretending to be 65 to get Medicare, Ablow proposed injecting transgender children with hormones corresponding to their gender assigned at birth to “go with nature” and make them “feel more comfortable.” Ablow’s proposed “treatment” is his own extreme variation of discredited ex-gay “conversion therapy” which falsely claims to change a person’s sexual orientation or gender identity. Ablow’s suggestion is reminiscent of 1940’s era “treatments” where lesbians were forced to submit to estrogen injections and men were given testosterone to “cure” them of being gay. These type of “reparative therapy” practices have been rejected for decades by all mainstream medical associations.
While Ablow has a history of attacking transgender children with extreme, inaccurate claims, experts contradict his talking points. The American Psychological Association has stated that it is "not helpful to force  to act in a more gender-conforming way." Family rejection of transgender youth has been linked to a series of negative health consequences.
http://mediamatters.org/blog/2016/04/25/fox-news-doctor-proposes-harmful-new-treatment-transgender-children/210068


Holy fuck!!! This is a Hitler-esque level of batshit insanity. How does the APA not revoke his medical license for this? This is just mind blowingly evil! Just… I can’t…. what the… I don’t want to… ah!!!!



Vox Day


Let’s spin the wheel one last time this week. What? Go Directly To Jail? NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!




Wait – I’ve got that “Get Out Of Jail Free” card! Yeah!!! Suck it chance card! Spin it again! Come on VR headset… daddy wants an HTC Vive!! And it lands on… science fiction! I always say I save the crazy extra hard for the number 10 slot, and this is about as crazy and unbelievable as it gets, folks! You guys and gals like science fiction, don’t you? I mean who doesn’t love a good expansive sci fi novel with 1,000 characters and entire worlds to explore? We do live in a golden age of science fiction. I mean Hollywood is remaking the classic Japanese anime flick “Ghost In The Shell” starring – wait for it - Scarlett Johannsen! I wish I were making this up! Scarlett Johannsen is the perfect choice for that role – she’s hot, can kick your ass, is fashion conscious, and was in The Avengers! But… oh wait she’s not Japanese. So let’s talk about the Hugo Awards. Before I go into this week’s entry, I do love sci fi but I am really not that familiar with a lot of sci fi authors, but doing research for this entry, I discovered there’s a lot more to the Hugo Awards the last couple of years than previously thought. And it’s all batshit insane. But before we delve into this thing, let’s give you some background.
Since 1953, to be nominated for a Hugo Award, among the highest honors in science fiction and fantasy writing, has been a dream come true for authors who love time travel, extraterrestrials and tales of the imagined future. Past winners of the rocket-shaped trophy—nominated and voted on by fans—include people like Isaac Asimov, Arthur C. Clarke, Harlan Ellison, Philip K. Dick, and Robert A. Heinlein. In other words: the Gods of the genre.
But in recent years, as sci-fi has expanded to include storytellers who are women, gays and lesbians, and people of color, the Hugos have changed, too. At the presentation each August, the Gods with the rockets in their hands have been joined by Goddesses and those of other ethnicities and genders and sexual orientations, many of whom want to tell stories about more than just spaceships.
Early this year, that shift sparked a backlash: a campaign, organized by three white, male authors, that resulted in a final Hugo ballot dominated by mostly white, mostly male nominees. While the leaders of this two-pronged movement—one faction calls itself the Sad Puppies and the other the Rabid Puppies—broke no rules, many sci-fi writers and fans felt they had played dirty, taking advantage of a loophole in an arcane voting process that enables a relatively few number of voters to dominate. Motivated by Puppygate, meanwhile, a record 11,300-plus people bought memberships to the 73rd World Science Fiction Convention in Spokane, Washington, where the Hugo winners were announced Saturday night.
http://www.wired.com/2015/08/won-science-fictions-hugo-awards-matters/


Let’s stop there for a minute. So in the last 5 or 6 years the Hugo Awards have embraced diversity and expanded their author base to authors of other races, genders and sexual orientations. In other words, they’re becoming more inclusive. But… not in the eyes of Vox Day and his white supremacist followers and trolls. They think of diversity the same way that Ron Burgundy does.


But what is “Puppygate”? Well let’s find out what that is.

Two authors have withdrawn their work from contention for the prestigious Hugo science fiction awards in the wake of what George RR Martin has called “Puppygate”, the controversy that has “plunged all fandom into war”.
Marko Kloos, whose novel Lines of Departure had been picked along with four other authors for the best novel Hugo – an award that counts Dune and Neuromancer among its former winners – announced on Wednesday that he had withdrawn his acceptance of the nomination. Annie Bellet, whose Goodnight Stars was a contender for best short story, also withdrew from the race.
Both writers had been included on a slate of titles pulled together by a group of right-leaning science fiction writers dubbing themselves the Sad Puppies, who had mobilized fans to pay for membership of Worldcon, enabling them to vote and thus flood the categories with their choices. Brad Torgersen, the author behind Sad Puppies, wanted to reverse what he called the Hugos’ favouring of works that were “niche, academic, overtly to the left in ideology and flavour, and ultimately lacking what might best be called visceral, gut-level, swashbuckling fun”.
http://www.theguardian.com/books/2015/apr/17/hugo-award-nominees-withdraw-amid-puppygate-storm


So the phrase “Puppygate” was coined by “A Song Of Ice And Fire” author George R.R. Martin, and that was because it was the result of a concentrated effort by conservatives to get more conservative authors to the top of the Hugo Awards. This is literally a science fiction novel that has come to life. You really do have two warring factions fighting with each other! So now coming back to this year’s awards, what does what happened last year have to do with this year’s nominations? Well…

The result was that not a single Puppy-slate winner won a Hugo. In the categories where there were only Puppy candidates, the award went to “No Award.” Even before the awards, a few candidates who had appeared on the Rabid Puppy slate without their knowledge or consent chose to decline their nominations. Marko Kloos explained to his publisher that he had to do this, because “This is the kind of stink that doesn’t wash off.” Nothing sums up last year’s awards better than the announcement of “No Award” winning multiple categories being met by thunderous applause.
But for this year’s nominations, some things have shifted. The Sad Puppies opened up their version of a slate into a “recommendations” page, and then ranked things by the number of recommendations they had received. Meanwhile, Rabid Pupppies leader Theodore “Vox Day” Beale released another set of slates for each category.
http://io9.gizmodo.com/last-years-hugo-award-drama-is-not-going-away-any-time-1773184986


That’s right! Not a single author nominated by the “Rabid Puppies” faction of Hugo Awards members got an award!



But let’s go back to the Wired piece for a minute. It’s very long but well worth reading and includes a very diverse and very insane group of cast members. So George R.R. Martin himself thinks that the Hugo Awards should not be a popularity contest:

Martin, the son of a longshoreman, rejects the idea that anyone has been excluded from the Hugos for not being either highbrow or politically correct enough. But just being popular shouldn’t be enough to win, he told me on the second day of Sasquan. “The reward for popularity is popularity! It’s truckloads of money! Do you need the trophy, too?” he said as we sat in his hotel room overlooking the convention center and the Spokane River. “Can’t the trophy go to the guy who sells 5,000 copies but is doing something innovative?”

So on one hand you have people who think this is a popularity contest, then the guy who is arguably one of the most popular science fiction writers since Phillip K. Dick saying that this should not be a popularity contest. So which is it? Well here’s also where the trolls trolled the Hugo Awards hard. Let’s take a look at the Short Story and Related Work categories.
BEST SHORT STORY (2451 ballots)
“Asymmetrical Warfare” by S. R. Algernon (Nature, Mar 2015)
The Commuter by Thomas A. Mays (Stealth)
“If You Were an Award, My Love” by Juan Tabo and S. Harris (voxday.blogspot.com, Jun 2015)
“Seven Kill Tiger” by Charles Shao (There Will Be War Volume X, Castalia House)
Space Raptor Butt Invasion by Chuck Tingle (Amazon Digital Services)
BEST RELATED WORK (2080 ballots)
Between Light and Shadow: An Exploration of the Fiction of Gene Wolfe, 1951 to 1986 by Marc Aramini (Castalia House)
“The First Draft of My Appendix N Book” by Jeffro Johnson (castaliahouse.com)
“Safe Space as Rape Room” by Daniel Eness (castaliahouse.com)
SJWs Always Lie: Taking Down the Thought Police by Vox Day (Castalia House)
“The Story of Moira Greyland” by Moira Greyland (askthebigot.com)
http://io9.gizmodo.com/here-are-the-2016-hugo-award-finalists-1773157497

That’s right – you have such quality works on the bill as “Space Raptor Butt Invasion” (was the author playing Sci Fi Cards Against Humanity with that one? :chuckle), and you have “Safe Space as Rape Room”, and “SJWs Always Lie: Taking Down The Thought Police”. In going down the wormhole on this subject, here’s where things get scary. I found this review of “SJWs Always Lie”. Which includes this excerpt from the book:
“Trolling” is what SJWs call it when you respond to them in their own rhetorical language. The perfect Queen of the SJWs–and she would be a queen, never a king–would be a mixed-race lesbian Swedish immigrant who was abused as a child by a conservative Republican white politician and kept as a sex-slave by neo-Nazis with Confederate-flag tattoos prior to writing a bestselling novel about a fictionalized version of her terrible experiences, appearing on Oprah, and starring in a science-fiction TV show popular with white nerds. No one but an SJW has ever used more than one of the following words in a sentence: “problematic,” “offensive,” “inclusive,” “triggered,” “trigger warning,” “privilege,” “platforming,” “silencing,” “equitable,””welcoming,” “safe space,” “code of conduct,” “cisgender,” “diversity,” “vibrant”. No one but an SJW makes quasi-religious fetishes of Equality, Diversity, Tolerance, and Progress.
http://www.amren.com/features/2015/09/a-field-guide-to-sjws/

Holy shit! I hope he didn’t open with that!


And the buzz words! Look at all the buzz words! So many buzz words! It’s funny that Vox Day accuses others of being “SJWs” (social justice warriors) when he’s one for his own causes. Pot calling the kettle black? And the reviewer called this “delightful”! And it’s a contender for a Hugo Award! This was allowed to happen! But here’s where I am going to let you have some fun with this. If Vox Day and his brand of far right SJWs can troll his hateful bullshit, and other quality titles like “Space Raptor Butt Invasion” to the top of the Hugo Awards, we can troll them can’t we? I mean come on what kind of world do we live in where we can't fight back against the trolls? Let's turn the tables! And here’s where I am going to put the new DU Top 10 Twitter feed to use. Follow us at @DU_InitechTop10. Send us your best childish science fiction title, and the more childish the better, and hashtag it “#HugosSoTrolled”. The best ones will get posted next week!

See you next week!
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