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Member since: Sat Apr 2, 2005, 03:11 PM
Number of posts: 54,301

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Top 10 Conservative Idiots: The Complete First Season

Ladies and gentlemen, now that the first season of the Top 10 has come to a close, as is tradition we would be releasing this on DVD. But since we can't do that, what we will do instead is provide you with a comprehensive list of every single edition we've done from the first one to the one we posted today. So you can follow the Donald Trump campaign from its' humble beginnings when he called Mexicans rapists and building a wall around the Mexican border, to the clusterfuck it is today! The new Top 10 began with just 6 simple letters: GOP WTF. And it's ballooned from there. I'll edit these with sitcom, TV guide style summaries later. Enjoy! And as always don't forget the Key!

Edition #1: GOP WTF Edition: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027404141
Edition #2: God Isn't Fixing This Edition: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027420873
Edition #3: The Biz Vs. The Nuge Edition: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027434394 (11/24/15
Edition #4: Trumpland Uber Alles Edition: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027444108 (12/8/15)
Edition #5: Power Of The Dark Side Edition: http://election.democraticunderground.com/10027452214 (12/16/15)
Edition #6: Stormtrooper Edition: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027460685 (12/20/15)
Edition #7: The Wolf Of Pharma Street Edition: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027470083 (12/23/15)
Edition #8: A Schlonged Time Ago Edition: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027475967 (12/27/15)
Edition #9: Love Potion Number NEIN Edition: http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=7496889 (1/4/16)
Edition #10: Tarp Man (Or The Unexpected Virtue Of Ignorance) Edition: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027518958 (1/11/16)
Edition #11: Daddy's Sworn Oath Edition: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027540640 (1/18/16)
Edition #12: Two Corinthians Edition: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027560588 (1/25/16)
Edition #13: Fear The Walking Bundys Edition: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027577258 (2/1/16)
Edition #14: Take My Brother Please Edition: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027593655 (2/8/16)
Edition #15: Funk You Very Much Edition: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027614056 (2/15/16)
Edition #16: The Dumb & The Restless Edition: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027630470 (2/22/16)
Edition #17: Playing The Drumpf Card Edition: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027648456 (2/29/16)
Edition #18: The KKK Took My OC Away Edition: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027665393 (3/7/16)
Edition #19: Endorsed By Donald Drumpf Edition: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027680332 (3/13/16)
Edition #20: Everybody Was Trump Fu Fighting Edition: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027700144 (3/21/16)
Edition #21: Trump V Cruz: Yawn Of Justice Edition: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027718729 (3/27/16)
Edition #22: Wheel Of Corruption Edition: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027735754 (4/4/16)
Edition #23: Wheel Of Corruption 2: Money Never Sleeps Edition http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027750240 (4/11/16)
Edition #24: How's That Joe Paterno Thing Going? Edition: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027763175 (4/17/16)
Edition #25: Wheel Of Corruption 3: Dark Of The Moon Edition: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027794932 (5/1/16)
Edition #26: Why Would God Let Trump Happen? Edition: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027816245 (5/8/16)
Edition #27: The Butler Did It (A Bird In The Hand) Edition: http://www.democraticunderground.com/1016156541 (5/15/16)
Edition #28: Wheel Of Corruption 4: Age Of Extinction Edition: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027848522 (5/23/16)
Edition #29: Springtime For Trumpenfuror Edition: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027864798 (5/29/16)
Edition #30: Army Of Beyonces Edition: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027890691 (6/8/16)
Edition #31: Making America Vulnerable Again Edition: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027918502 (6/15/16)
Edition #32: Wheel Of Corruption V: Cheeto Jesus Edition: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027941518 (6/22/16)
Edition #33: Nazi Golf Balls Edition: www.democraticunderground.com/10027967189 (6/29/16)
Edition #34: Trump Man & The Mosquito Edition: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10027997971 (7/10/16)
Edition #35: Wheel Of Corruption VI: Out Of The Shadows Edition http://www.democraticunderground.com/10028008150 (7/13/16)
Edition #36: Make America Twerk Again Edition: http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=8030844 (7/20/16)
Edition #37: Bromancing The Trump Edition http://www.democraticunderground.com/10028052876 (7/27/16)
Edition #38: Wheel Of Corruption VII: The Wrath Of Khan Edition http://sync.democraticunderground.com/10028087991 (8/10/16)
Edition #39: #HoorayFreedom Editon http://www.democraticunderground.com/10028116712 (8/22/16)
Edition #40: Zika Virus Apocalypse Edition http://www.democraticunderground.com/10028135130 (8/31/16)
Edition #41: Make Mexico Great Again Also Edition http://www.democraticunderground.com/10028158112 (9/11/16)
Edition #42: Meet The Deplorables Edition http://www.democraticunderground.com/10028171742 (9/18/16)
Edition #43: Wheel Of Corruption IX: With A Vengeance Edition http://www.democraticunderground.com/10028195256 (9/28/16)
Edition #44: Tweets From The Toilet Edition: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10028207905 (10/5/16)
Edition #45: Donald T & The Women Edition: http://www.democraticunderground.com/10028207905 (10/12/16)
Edition #46: Wheel Of Corruption X: Never Go Back Edition http://www.democraticunderground.com/10028240071 (10/19/16)
Edition #47: Bad Hombres & Nasty Women Edition http://www.democraticunderground.com/10028253054 (10/26/16)

That's it! Season 2 will premiere after the election! It will be bigger and badder!

Colbert: Don't Let Your American Flag Near Donald Trump

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #47: Bad Hombres & Nasty Women Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #47: Bad Hombres & Nasty Women Edition

Welcome back to the season finale of the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! This edition of the Top 10 was made possible through a generous grant from the Chubb! Group in association with the Fillmore Complex. Chubb! Proudly telling people what to think and how to vote since 1923! We are back ladies and gentlemen! World Series… getting underway! That’s got to be exciting for fans of the Cleveland Indians! I mean it’s been what – 4 months since the last championship parade that was held in downtown Cleveland? Oh you must be long suffering fans! Also congratulations to the Chicago Cubs who are finally ending their World Series drought. I mean there’s finally rain in California, and there’s a world series in Chicago. What is this world coming to? But there’s one aspect of game 6 on Saturday we *HAVE* to talk about. And that’s former Bulls great Scottie Pippen singing “Take Me Out To The Ball Game”. Let’s roll tape.

Ouch. I mean seriously, how do you fuck up that song? Everyone knows it! If you’re an American and a sports fan (who isn’t?) then it’s engrained in your blood, even if you don’t like baseball! Two year olds can sing that song better! Seriously!!! That’s enough of the intro this week, we have a lot of conservative idiocy to get to. And I mean a lot. But first one of my favorites – the great Mr. Weird Al Yankovic, got together with the Gregory Brothers of Songify fame, and recorded a song that made fun of Donald Trump during the debates. Can we show that?

OMG, Donald Trump just continues to shoot himself in the foot, doesn’t he? He got destroyed at the Al Smith Dinner, and left like a dog with its’ tail between its’ legs. So the first two slots we’re going to recap exactly what went down at the Al Smith Dinner and it’s not in favor of Donald Trump (1). Meanwhile, Donald Trump (2) is digging himself further in a hole over his mistreatment of women. In the third slot, Donald Trump (3) found himself at the center of a very creative protest at his Trump Tower on the Las Vegas Strip. Taking the fourth slot, we’re going to talk about who’s already digging a grave on Donald Trump’s (4) political career. Taking the 5th slot, we’re going to talk about the few supporters that Donald Trump (5) still has left. In the number 6 slot, we’re going to talk about former Red Sox great (?) Curt Shilling (6). He is planning on challenging Elizabeth Warren (good luck with that), and got a cushy job with right wing conspiracy theory website Breitbart. Can a job with Infowars be far behind? In the number 7 slot, the Bathroom Police (7) are back, and founding member Pat McCrory is seriously channeling Bart Simpson. Plus some more cases of the Christian right as actual sex offenders for you. In the number 8 slot, we’re going to introduce you to presidential candidate Joe Exotic (8) and wow… just I can’t say anything further. This is too damn good! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!!!) slot, we’re actually going to talk about Nazis with the Kansas House Speaker (9) calling Hitler’s words “profound” and naturally getting trounced on social media for it. Finally this week – you’re not going to believe this, especially in time for Halloween, that creepy clowns are in the news! This time it’s the Rise Of The Planet Of The Creepy Clowns (10), they’re getting arrested, fined, banned, the tables are turning on America’s creepy clowns! But it’s spreading all over the world! Plus since you’re nice, for listening to my schtick, a bonus. We’re taking a week off next week, we’re going to get you in the mood for Halloween with some live music. And who is more associated with Halloween, than Mr. Rob Zombie? I can’t think of too many people that’s for sure! And he’s got a new album out with an unusual title, and he will be stopping by to play something from it! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

Donald Trump

One more thing about the Cubs before we dive head first into all things Donald J. Trump this week. And just like the last couple of weeks, it’s going to get dark really fast, so we need to find things to lighten it up. I had a family friend who was a die hard Cubs fan since the 1920s and lived in Chicago her whole life, who passed away a couple years ago at the age of 89. I actually did get to attend a Cubs – Angels game at Wrigley with her about four years ago and I’m very grateful for that. So with that in mind, here’s another Cubs superfan that we must pay props to. Can we roll that?

That’s right – nothing says “71 year drought over” like “shots of Jagermeister”! Dorothy, we salute you!

So now let’s dive into the world of all things possible future president Donald J. Trump has been up to this week. Starting with the Al Smith dinner. Holy shit, did he look like a deer in car headlights or what?

Four years ago, as a speechwriter for President Obama, I commissioned a binder full of women.

A little context. It was the morning of the Al Smith Dinner, the election-year tradition in which both parties’ nominees don white-tie attire and deliver comedy monologues to New York City’s elite. Our opponent, Governor Mitt Romney had recently used the words “binders full of women” while discussing gender parity in government. Eager to mock the clumsy phrase, I asked a staffer on the advance team to put together a prop.

But our binder never saw the light of day. Obama nixed the idea. I remember being disappointed by the president’s decision, and wondering if POTUS was phoning it in. Of the jokes that did make it into the final draft, one in particular stood out for its authenticity.

“In less than three weeks, voters in states like Ohio and Virginia and Florida will decide this incredibly important election. Which begs the question—what are we doing here?”

Whoa let’s stop there. You have white people wearing white attire. I mean just look at this crowd!

Seriously – dressage could not even begin to compete with this kind of billionaire pretentiousness. Now pay close attention to that guy sitting right behind Donald Trump. Just watch what happens when Trump tells the first joke and how fucking awful it is!

Yeah that’s about how we all felt watching the most cringe-worthy speech of the Donald Trump campaign so far! And this is coming from a guy whos’ opening speech called the entire country of Mexico rapists and job stealers! There’s more though, so much more!

It was tense even before they started. Reporters tweeted that Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump entered the Alfred E. Smith Memorial Foundation Dinner from separate sides of the room, and didn't even shake hands (which at this point really isn't a surprise).

But there was hope that Thursday night's event could serve as a comedic salve for the nation following three decidedly nasty presidential debates. The fundraising event for Catholic charities — now in its 71st year — traditionally is a time for the candidates to offer jokes about themselves and their opponent.

Trump spoke first, and it was hard at times to tell if he was joking. Trump complained about all the politicians who loved him, his money and his endorsements before he decided to run for president. "Suddenly, decided when I ran for president as a Republican that I've always been a no-good, rotten, disgusting scoundrel. And they totally forgot about me." And he continued, to silence from the crowd, "but that's OK."

But there’s even more to the Al Smith Dinner – we’re still not done!

First, let’s recognize some lines that did show a mature sense of humor. Trump:

“You know, Cardinal Dolan and I have some things in common. For instance, we both run impressive properties on Fifth Avenue. Of course, his is much more impressive than mine. That’s because I built mine with my own beautifully formed hands.”

“Michelle Obama gives a speech and everyone loves it, it’s fantastic. They think she’s absolutely great. My wife Melania gives the exact same speech, and people get on her case.”

“Hillary accidentally bumped into me, and she very civilly said ‘pardon me.’ . And I very politely replied, let me talk to you about that once I get into office.”

The last one started to cross the line from self-deprecating to sniping, but the room laughed, and if he’d stopped there, he would’ve been okay.

That’s it? That’s the best ya got? Pardon me? I love the band Incubus and I’d much rather listen to their song “Pardon Me” a million times before I listen to that joke again! You know what? Fuck it, let’s play that shit!

Ah I feel better! But things continue to get worse for Donald T. and the Women:

Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump vented at an adult film star on Monday who has accused him of groping her.

Over the weekend, actress Jessica Drake said that Trump kissed her and two of her friends without permission. She also claimed that he later offered her $10,000 for sex.

In a Monday interview on New Hampshire radio station WGIR, Trump lashed out at Drake.

“These are stories that are made up, it’s total fiction,” Trump told radio host Jake Heath. “You’ll find out that in the years to come, these women that stood up, it’s all fiction. They were made up. I don’t know these women.”

“It’s not my thing to do what they say. I don’t do that,” he continued. “I don’t grab them — as they say — on the arm. One said, ‘He grabbed me on the arm.’ And she’s a porn star! This one that came out recently, ‘He grabbed me and he grabbed me on the arm.'”

Trump added sarcastically: “Oh, I’m sure she’s never been grabbed before.”

read more: http://www.rawstory.com/2016/10/donald-trump-mocks-woman-accuser-on-talk-radio-oh-im-sure-shes-never-been-grabbed-before/

Donald Trump

We have to show this from the Hillary Camp - Donald Trump loves conspiracy theories so much you can make your own Donald Trump branded Tin Foil Hat! I'm sure Alex Jones and Roger Stone already have them made!

So last week we talked about Donald Trump’s extremely poor taste photo opportunity when he’s been embroidered in scandal after scandal involving his mistreatment of women during his time as the head of the Miss Universe pageant. Can we show that picture again?

Excuse me a minute…

OK so now Donald Trump has come full circle and done the most Donald Trump thing his presidential candidacy has done so far – he is threatening to yes, sue the women who are accusing him of sexual harassment. Now like most Donald Trump lawsuits, he isn’t going to do anything with them. He just uses them for show. Kind of like the way he uses Chris Christie as a stage prop.

Even Chris Christie in that picture is like “What the fuck am I doing here?”. So Donald Trump is threatening to sue the women accusing him of sexual harassment.

Donald J. Trump threatened to sue The New York Times for libel on Wednesday night in response to an article that featured two women accusing him of touching them inappropriately years ago, but the newspaper defended its reporting and told Mr. Trump’s lawyer that “we welcome the opportunity to have a court set him straight.”

The threat of legal action comes as the Trump campaign has been ensnared in controversy after the release of a video last week that showed the Republican nominee for president demeaning women and bragging about being able to force himself on women without consequence. During a presidential debate on Sunday night, Mr. Trump said that it was just “locker-room talk” and that he never did those things.

Mr. Trump told The Times that the allegations of the two women were false and his lawyer, Marc E. Kasowitz, demanded that the newspaper retract the story and issue an apology.

He’s suing the NY Times, folks! I mean if that doesn’t say “I’m guilty” then what does? And Donald, when you’re already in a hole, you might want to stop digging!

But seriously, Donald is in so much shit over this it’s almost unbelievable. But in, again, the most Donald Trump way fashionable – he’s “too busy” to actually go through with the lawsuit!

Donald Trump hasn't moved forward on his threat to sue the women accusing him of unwanted sexual advances because he's busy with the presidential election, his campaign manager said Sunday. When asked by "Meet the Press" host Chuck Todd, "Why not sue them now?" Kellyanne Conway responded: "Because we're busy winning the presidency."

"We're a little bit busy over here doing that," she said. "He's just putting people on notice that they can't just falsely accuse him."

Trump, the Republican presidential nominee, opened up a rally in Gettysburg, Pa., on Saturday by promising to sue the women who have accused him of sexual misconduct. "Every woman lied when they came forward to hurt my campaign," Trump said.

And yes there is tape of this. Can we roll it?

But seriously is Donald Trump channeling Charlie Sheen during his “winning” phase? Because he really does seem to be going that way. Maybe he’s abusing steroids too? Because he might at least start after seeing what is happening.

Jill Harth, the first woman who publicly accused Trump of sexual misconduct, released a statement on Sunday in which she explained that she only chose to speak up after he called her a liar.
“Trump’s calling me a liar again yesterday only strengthens my resolve to speak the truth about what he did to me.”

Lisa Bloom, Harth’s attorney, said she would “continue to proudly represent” her client through any lawsuits.
And then she goes for the jugular:
“In that lawsuit I would take the deposition of Trump and all of his enablers, and subpoena his business and personal records as well as any recordings that may exist in which he brags about sexual assault, such as the Access Hollywood recording and potentially, the Apprentice raw footage.”

Be careful what you wish for, Mr. Trump,” said Allred. “If you sue the accusers, the lawyers who represent these women will have the opportunity to depose you.
In plain English, you will be required to testify under oath and the women’s lawyers will welcome the opportunity to question you under oath.
You may find the questions may include all the women with whom you have had sexual interaction.”

But now the tables are turning my friends! Now Donald Trump is going on the defense, because counter suits are possibly being launched!

Seeking to re-set the presidential race, Donald Trump unveiled his "closing arguments" speech Saturday that included an agenda for his first 100 days in office, attacks on Hillary Clinton and the media, and threats to sue women who have accused him of inappropriate sexual advances.

"All of these liars will be sued after the election is over," Trump said of his accusers during his remarks in Gettysburg, Pa.

The latest accusation surfaced Saturday, when adult film actress Jessica Drake said that at a golf tournament in 2006 Trump invited her and two other women to his suite and kissed them on the lips without permission. Trump, who has steadfastly denied all the claims, said members of the media "are trying to poison the mind of the American voter."

Yeah a little too late to hit the reset button there, Donald!

Donald Trump

Tacos. You can go to a real Mexican restaurant and get tacos that look like this:

Or you can go to Burger King and get the Whopperito. I mean seriously what the fuck is this thing? It’s not a burrito. It’s not a burger. It’s not a sandwich, and I’m pretty sure it does not qualify as any sort of authentic Mexican food.

So why am I brining up gourmet Mexican food? Well I don’t count the chicken and waffle breakfast taco at Taco Bell as gourmet Mexican food. OK I’m getting carried away here. Back to the real story. We go to Las Vegas for this where the Vegas version of Trump Tower was met with protests from the taco trucks of Las Vegas. I love this story.

This was inevitable. This collision of two notable, and objectionable, moments from the Donald Trump campaign: a wall and taco trucks.
A half dozen taco trucks formed a "wall" outside the Trump International Las Vegas hotel, hours before the presidential debate Wednesday.

"If you don't get out and vote, this clown could be president," a worker told the crowd as he pointed at the building.

Now this…. This is a protest that I want to be a part of! I mean who wouldn’t want taco trucks as far as the eye can see? That sounds fucking awesome!!!

And remember when Donald Trump tweeted that picture of him eating a taco bowl and declaring that the best taco salads come from Trump Tower on Cinco De Mayo?

Well would you be surprised to learn that it’s inspired protests all around the world like this one in Belgium which shows Trumpenfuror eating a waffle with his thumbs up?

Restaurants across the country have taken advantage of Donald Trump’s laughable attempt at speaking Spanish and cooked up some cheeky dishes at his expense. On Wednesday night during the final presidential debate, when asked about his thoughts on immigration and border protection (as if we didn’t already know) Trump decided to test his entry-level español and uttered , “We have some bad hombres here and we’re going to get them out.”
The best (and worst) jokes from the Al Smith dinner
Read more

The problem is that what he actually said was hambres – hambre meaning hungry or hunger in Spanish, so food trucks and restaurants across the nation decided this was the perfect opportunity to showcase some ingenious menu specials.


Donald Trump

So we have to talk about who’s already digging a grave on Donald Trump’s political career. Well for one thing Donald Trump’s past is starting to catch up to him. So who is digging a grave on Donald Trump’s political career? Why it’s Donald Trump himself! Just look what he said to John Travolta’s wife when their son tragically passed away several years ago.

Even the death of a child couldn't keep Donald Trump from talking about hitting on the boy's mother.

In January 2009, Kelly Preston and John Travolta's son Jett passed away at the age of 16 after suffering a seizure while on a family vacation. Four days later, Trump wrote a blog post dedicated to Preston on the website of the now-defunct Trump University, which has been sued by the state of New York and former students over claims of fraud.

The mogul expressed his condolences to Preston for her loss, but not before he mentioned the time he tried to sleep with her. According to Trump, the attempt failed.

Just……………….. wow. Not even a day after their son dies, Donald Trump talks about hitting on her. Can you imagine this guy as president going to the funeral of a deceased soldier? “Excuse me, ma’am, I’m sorry your husband was killed in Iraq. I was against the war from the beginning. He was a stupid loser, he should have never enlisted. He should have never been near that building that blew up. If he had only been a few feet further to the right, he might have survived. You want to go out on a date sometime? I think you’re hot, OK????” So who else wants to say goodbye to the Donald Trump presidential campaign? His own brand!


According to Travel + Leisure, new Trump luxury hotels will now bear the “Scion” name.

According to CEO Eric Danzinger, the new name reflects the family without using the brand name Trump has spent a lifetime building.

“We wanted a name that would be a nod to the Trump family and to the tremendous success it has had with its businesses, including Trump Hotels, while allowing for a clear distinction between our luxury and lifestyle brands,” Danziger said in a press release.

According to Executive Vice President of Development & Acquisitions, Ivanka Trump, “Our business at Trump Hotels is stronger than ever and we are incredibly excited about the future of Scion, the newest brand in our hotel portfolio.”

OK first off Donald – why would your hotel business be thriving when it's surrounded by taco trucks? Second, haven’t you ever heard of a car company called Scion? I think I smell a copyright infringement!

And Donald Trump is continuing to dig his own grave here. You know Donald when you’re already in a hole, the thing you might want to do is stop digging!

Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump vented at an adult film star on Monday who has accused him of groping her.

Over the weekend, actress Jessica Drake said that Trump kissed her and two of her friends without permission. She also claimed that he later offered her $10,000 for sex.

In a Monday interview on New Hampshire radio station WGIR, Trump lashed out at Drake.

“These are stories that are made up, it’s total fiction,” Trump told radio host Jake Heath. “You’ll find out that in the years to come, these women that stood up, it’s all fiction. They were made up. I don’t know these women.”

“It’s not my thing to do what they say. I don’t do that,” he continued. “I don’t grab them — as they say — on the arm. One said, ‘He grabbed me on the arm.’ And she’s a porn star! This one that came out recently, ‘He grabbed me and he grabbed me on the arm.'”

Trump added sarcastically: “Oh, I’m sure she’s never been grabbed before.”

read more: http://www.rawstory.com/2016/10/donald-trump-mocks-woman-accuser-on-talk-radio-oh-im-sure-shes-never-been-grabbed-before/

Even Donald Trump’s own party is burying him!

Donald Trump has made the terrain so difficult for some GOP congressmen in moderate districts that a handful have threatened to sue TV stations for running ads produced by Democrats tying the Republicans to their nominee, the Huffington Post reported.

The Huffington Post report identified five different Republicans -- whose campaigns have sought to distance themselves or even fully disavow Trump -- who have filed complaints with stations requesting they pull ads linking them to Trump. Some of the letters, which claim the ads are misleading, have included the threat of legal action.

In general, it's not uncommon for politicians to try to get unfair ads against them taken down. But, as Huffington Post notes, lawmakers usually aren't crying defamation over being linked to the presidential nominee of their own party.

Sorry GOP but you own this. Donald Trump is your creation. You can’t back out of it now.

Donald Trump Supporters

But now we have to talk about the few supporters Donald Trump does have left – the 44% of white evangelical voters, or the Deplorables. These people just… WTF. Before we dive head first into the world of Deplorables, this study shows exactly who the few supporters Trump still has left are. And it's mainly white Christian conservatives. We'll cover their extreme hypocrisy later in this edition.


Many white evangelicals believe Trump demonstrates strong moral character.

A new poll shows 44% of white evangelicals believe Trump demonstrates “strong moral character,” while only 18% of those with no religion agree.

A recent ABC/WaPo poll confirms what many have long suspected concerning the moral judgement of evangelicals, or lack thereof.

Noting the irony of white evangelicals claiming a man who openly brags about sexually assaulting women has strong moral character, Politico reporter Dan Diamond tweeted out the results of the poll:

I like that one. You know let’s extrapolate this for a minute. We will cover the Bathroom Police much later this week but we have to dissect the irony here. Christian people are so afraid of transgender people using public bathrooms and locker rooms that they’re actually taking AK47s into these places because… vigilantes, yeah! But this guy actually walks into a room where supermodels are getting changed because it’s “nothing I haven’t seen before”. And they think this guy has enough moral character to be president! This fucking guy!

Donald Trump has been caught out boasting about how he was the only man allowed backstage to 'inspect' naked women at the Miss USA pageant because he owned it.

The Republican nominee bragged about the extra power he had during an interview with Howard Stern in April 2005, the tapes of which have been released by CNN.

'I’ll tell you the funniest is that I’ll go backstage before a show and everyone’s getting dressed,' Trump said about the pageant.

Well when you look at the caliber of person who still supports Donald Trump, it’s easy to see why they still support him. Like this winner of a citizen who is salivating over the idea of a second civil war:

Donald Trump’s recent rhetoric about rigged elections and a constitutional crisis would fulfill the fantasies of some supporters, who’ve been stockpiling weapons and food as they look forward to what most people would consider a worst-case scenario.

Jim Moseley, a self-described “Christian soldier” from Greenville, South Carolina, is buying extra ammunition and canned goods to prepare for what he believes will be a second civil war, reported The (Toronto) Star.

“Once the trucks stop rolling, the grocery shelves will go empty and gasoline rationing will go into effect,” Moseley wrote in a Facebook message early this week.

The newspaper caught up with Moseley, a 59-year-old retired salesman, earlier this week to discuss Trump’s darkening campaign rhetoric.

Read more: http://www.rawstory.com/2016/10/trumps-rhetoric-excites-christian-soldier-for-civil-war-your-skin-color-will-be-your-uniform/

And this Alt Right white supremacist radio host who thinks that Donald Trump is going to make babies great again! I hope you're not eating anything during this entry because this might be one of the most disgusting, batshit crazy things ever said by a Trump supporter, and that's saying a lot!

Matt Forney, a self-described alt-right radio host, suggested this week that there would be a “white baby boom” after the November election because “women are having sex dreams” about Donald Trump.

In a tweet on Monday, Matt Forney mocked Cosmopolitan writer Laura Beck, who said that allegations about Trump groping women were impacting her sex life.

“On one hand, the thought of being touched by my husband, a man, after spending day upon never-ending day listening to Donald Trump’s sexually assaultive language, is not a pleasant one,” Beck wrote. “On the other, we are both so obsessed with the election that our combined anxiety is killing our sex drives.”

Forney responded: “I fully endorse shitlibs not having sex due to Trump, it makes them less likely to breed.”

Excuse me a minute...

I feel better. You know anyone who uses the word "libtard" or "shitlib" should be disqualified from any sort of public debate, along with anyone who uses the phrase "Make America Great Again" not in a joke context. Like these people who actively left this passive-aggressive note while dining at a restaurant. Once again, irony escapes these people. Read the note, then the irony will become clear.

14702433_10207635092531776_6200157557141035776_nWhen you work at Cracker Barrel in South Carolina, I suppose you are prepared to serve all kinds of people who have injected cream gravy directly into their veins. It’s like heroin down there, right? Well this week, a couple of cream gravy addicts rolled their asses into Cracker Barrel for their daily allowance of sugar cured ham and hash brown casserole and decided that, instead of leaving a monetary tip for their waitress, they would bestow some 1950’s advice scrawled out onto a bev nap. The photo was sent to me by a few people and it needs to be addressed. It’s pretty surprising.

So you see the note. Here’s the transcript. It’s time for English 101 kids, see if you can identify the irony in this note.

Dear <name omitted>, thank you for your excelent service today. Your a good waitress.

Heres your tip:

The womans place is in the home. You’re place is in the home. It even says so in the Bible. You may think that your contributing to your household by coming into work, but your not. While your in here “working” this is the reason your husband must see another women on his way home from a long day at his work. Because you should be home taking care of the household duties. You may think what you are doing “working” is right, it is really essentially a disgrace to his manhood and to the American family. So instead of coming to your “job” and looking for hand out’s to feed your family, hows about going home and cleaning your house and cooking a hot meal for your husband and children, the way you’re husband and God intended, and help make America great again. Praying for families and our nation.

<name omitted>

Now if you need some spelling out of the irony here, they are dining out at a restaurant, and telling a waitress to *not* do her job. Need it spelled out again? A guy and his WIFE are dining at a fucking Cracker Barrel. And have the nerve to tell the waitress that she should be at home servicing her husband and in the dang kitchen!! If they wanted to be true to their word, shouldn’t they be doing the same instead of dining at a fucking Cracker Barrel? The word “deplorable” doesn’t begin to describe these lunatics.

By the way – Tom Hanks owned SNL this weekend as a Trump supporter on a SNL sketch called “Black Jeopardy”. Can we roll that?

Curt Schilling

*Jim Rome voice* Curt Schilling. Guy’s a legend. He had that whole bloody sock thing with the Red Sox that allowed them to win the world series in that 2004 miracle comeback. OK enough of that. Apologies to Jim Rome, I do a terrible impression of him. But is Curt Schilling really a legend? Remember when he got fired from ESPN for spreading extremely toxic right wing, anti-LGBT memes on Twitter?

Curt Schilling, a former All-Star pitcher and one of the highest-profile baseball analysts on ESPN, was fired from the network Wednesday, a day after he drew intense criticism for promoting offensive commentary on social media.

Schilling, who had worked for the network since 2010 and most recently offered analysis on “Monday Night Baseball,” was dismissed after sharing a Facebook post this week that appeared to respond to the North Carolina law that bars transgender people from using bathrooms and locker rooms that do not correspond with their birth genders.

The post showed an overweight man wearing a wig and women’s clothing with parts of the T-shirt cut out to expose his breasts. It says: “LET HIM IN! to the restroom with your daughter or else you’re a narrow-minded, judgmental, unloving racist bigot who needs to die.”


Yup. That’s the kind of quality commentator that ESPN is looking for. That’s the meme that got him fired – and it was pretty well deserved. So what was he up to this week? He wants to play politics and thinks he can beat Elizabeth Warren! Aw…. Isn’t that special?

The former Boston Red Sox pitching ace Curt Schilling said Tuesday he will seek to unseat Sen. Elizabeth Warren in 2018, provided his wife approves.

CBS Providence affiliate WPRI reports Schilling made the announcement on a local call-in radio show while also defending his failed video game business in the state.

“I’ve made my decision. I’m going to run,” Schilling said during an interview on WPRO-AM. “But – but – I haven’t talked to Shonda, my wife. And ultimately it’s going to come down to how her and I feel this would affect our marriage and our kids.”

Shonda herself later called in to the show saying she wasn’t sure if she’d allow it.

In August, Schilling said he wanted to eventually run for the White House, and that getting elected to a state office was the first step in that plan.

Wait… the White House? Setting your aspirations a little high there aren’t we, Curt? I mean if Donald Trump’s polling numbers are any indication you’re a shoo-in!

Those in search of further evidence that Donald Trump is using his presidential campaign to market his new $212 million hotel in Washington, please mark your calendars for Wednesday, Oct. 26, when Trump plans to hold a grand opening celebration for the project.

That’s a dozen days before Election Day, Nov. 8. No official word on whether Trump himself will attend as his company, the Trump Organization, confirmed the date but has not yet sent out invitations.

This will be the third major event he has held at the hotel since launching his campaign, part of plugs and promotions for the hotel that he has inserted into campaign events, interviews and rallies.

Oh well. At least he’s got a cushy job at right wing conspiracy theorist website Breitbart:

As we watch embers fly from the conflagration that is Donald Trump’s unhinged campaign for America’s presidency, it is tempting to start probing questions of its legacy. What will remain after this bad hombre retreats to Trump Tower and ascends the escalator from which he once entered our lives to announce his noxious candidacy?

Much has been written about the toxic brew of misogyny, racism, Islamophobia and xenophobia that Trump has served up in generous quantities at rallies and on the Twittersphere. The rhetoric and malice found here have permeated large parts of the country. Long-harbored grievances and fears are now expressed openly. As Jeremy Scahill of the Intercept observes:

Whether Trump wins, loses, or loses big, he has empowered fascists, racists and bigots. He did not create them, but he has legitimized them by becoming the nominee and openly expressing their heinous, hateful beliefs. This, to me, is one of the most frightening developments on a domestic level in the U.S. this election cycle. Trump may go away, but the people he has empowered will not.


By the way in case you were wondering, why yes Curt Schilling does have anti-Semitic views!

The Bathroom Police

So we already discussed the irony of the Christian right seeing Donald Trump as the “moral high ground”. Yeah right. As Mike Myers once said “Yeah, and monkeys might fly out of my butt!!!”. So with Donald Trump actually walking in on models getting changed in the locker room, how do the Bathroom Police feel about this? Well it’s been nearly six months since North Carolina’s horrific HB-2 was passed. So what happens now? Well let’s ask the original founding member of the Bathroom Police – Pat McCrory (R – Batshit), shall we?

Raleigh, N.C. — Gov. Pat McCrory pointed to a trove of internal Democratic National Committee emails published by WikiLeaks as evidence that the political left engineered the controversy that led to House Bill 2 as a political fundraising tool.

"Well, what's most disturbing is that these emails have clearly shown something we suspected all along – and that is the state of North Carolina, the City of Charlotte and especially small businesses were being used as a pawns by Roy Cooper, by the mayor of Charlotte and by the Democratic Party on an issue that was made up purely for political purposes and to raise money," McCrory said during an impromptu news conference Tuesday.

Cooper is North Carolina's attorney general and the Democratic candidate for governor this fall against McCrory.

Read more at http://www.wral.com/mccrory-the-left-to-blame-for-hb2/15880534/#dqruLuLvKEoyzrOX.99

And we might want to cue the Sad Hulk Music for this one – Pat McCrory said that he and his wife have lost friends over this bill! Well… boo hoo!!!

Pat McCrory's unwavering support of House Bill 2, which targets which public restrooms transgender people can use, has turned some of his friends against him, the North Carolina governor says.

BuzzFeed News reports that in a speech to the Family Research Council in Raleigh, McCrory said friends told him they couldn't support him out of fear they'll be attacked by Hillary Clinton.

"I've had at least five this week tell me that. Good friends. Very good friends. 'Pat, I love ya. I love ya man, we'll be friends for life. We just can't support you,'" McCrory said.

He said HB2, which forces transgender people to use the public bathroom corresponding with the gender on their birth certificate, has caused much hardship for he and his wife.

You know Pat – you brought this on yourself. You’re the one who signed the bill. You could have done the right thing and um *NOT* signed the bill. But instead you are the one who fucked up. Cue the world’s tiniest violin.

Switching subjects let’s take a dip in the international conservative idiots file and head to Paris, shall we? And yes in 2016 when you see support for gay marriage is at an all time high it’s sad to see shit like this still going on.

PARIS (AP) -- Tens of thousands of people have marched in Paris to call for the repeal of a law allowing gay marriage, six months before France's next presidential election.

The protesters ended up at Trocadero Plaza, near the Eiffel Tower. Police estimated the crowd at 24,000, while organizers gave a figure of 200,000.

They were also protesting Sunday against the use of assisted reproduction techniques and surrogate mothers to help same-sex couples have babies.

Assisted reproduction is allowed in France only for infertile heterosexual couples and surrogacy is banned.

Now remember that for every time an innocent trans person is harassed, or murdered simply for being who they are, we must report a sex crime for every time the Christian right feels the need to shoot their mouth off. Now this week, would you have guessed it would be the guy they consider “the moral high ground” for president?


It’s bad enough that Donald Trump allegedly raped a 13-year-old girl…But it turns out the way he raped her is absolutely horrifying, according to sworn testimony from the latest lawsuit filed against him.

A close look at the documents filed by the plaintiff and two other witnesses reveal Donald Trump as a monster that no one who has ever loved a girl or a woman should ever want anywhere near the White House. Seriously, he’s that creepy guy every pretty teenage girl has ever been warned about, who will lure them to rape parties by claiming he’ll help them become models…just like his daughter Ivanka.....

That’s right. These alleged rapes occurred in 1994, when Donald Trump’s beloved Ivanka was 14, just a year older than Katie Johnson. Just when you thought the infamous photo below couldn’t possibly look any more creepy…

Katie Johnson suffered four of these encounters with Donald Trump, but the last was the most horrific.
‘Defendant Trump initiated sexual contact with Plaintiff at four different parties. On the fourth and final sexual encounter with Defendant Trump, Defendant Trump tied Plaintiff to a bed, exposed himself to Plaintiff, and then proceeded to forcibly rape Plaintiff. During the course of this savage sexual attack, Plaintiff loudly pleaded with Defendant Trump to stop but with no effect. Defendant Trump responded to Plaintiff’s pleas by violently striking Plaintiff in the face with his open hand and screaming that he would do whatever he wanted.’

Joe Exotic

So we’ve talked a lot about alternative candidates in this election. We have discussed Jill Stein and Gary Johnson a lot. Why would you even vote for these people? If you’re a Bernie Sanders supporter who is still frothing at the mouth that he’s not the nominee… well get over it. Bernie’s doing as much to unite the party against Donald Trump as anybody. At this point maybe you’re still fed up with Trump, Hillary, Stein, and Johnson that you might sit out this election altogether. Well, you are wrong good sir / madam! I give you Joe Exotic, first profiled on Last Week Tonight:

So let’s expand further. I went down the worm hole on Joe Exotic. And he is quite possibly more insane than Donald Trump is. Take a look at one of his videos.

That one tiger looks like it’s about ready to pounce on him and start mauling him Simpsons style, doesn’t it? So let’s explore a bit more, shall we?

Are you feeling indifferent about the upcoming election? Does neither candidate excite you? Maybe you should consider a third party candidate—no, not Gary Johnson or Jill Stein.

We’re talking about Joe Exotic, the gay Oklahoma animal wrangler who’s pegging his Oval Office hopes on a write-in campaign.

John Oliver profiled Exotic (born Joe Schreibvoge) on Sunday’s edition of Last Week Tonight. (His segment starts at about the 1:40 mark).

According to his video, Exotic is unapologetically gay—”I’ve had two boyfriends most of my life”—and also “broke as sh*t.” He says he won’t change a thing about himself if he’s elected president, so don’t expect no fancy suits or a haircut.

Now is this not the guy you want running for president? Oh we’re not done! There’s more to this mysterious new candidate!

In the above Oct. 18 interview with Canote Films, Exotic explained how his views differ from Republican nominee Donald Trump specifically. “I don’t know what the f*ck he’s smoking, because you can’t throw 10 million people out of this country ‘cause we don’t have 10 million white people that’ll work ― and that’s a fact,” he said. “Being gay gave me the ability to open my heart and my mind to let people live how the hell the way to live.”

Exotic could find some support among those seeking a more down-to-earth candidate than Hillary Clinton and Trump, or even better-known third party hopefuls Gary Johnson and Jill Stein, Oliver said Sunday.

“Joe Exotic is truly the candidate you’d want to sit down and have a beer with, then another beer, and then several more beers until you’re drunk enough to try meth for the first time,” Oliver told his viewers, before suggesting that Trump’s campaign slogan could easily be adapted for the presidential hopeful: “Joe Exotic: Make American Exotic Again.”

Maybe he can run alongside Vermin Supreme for the undecided voter ticket. Exotic / Supreme – Because… fuck it, who gives a shit? 2016.

Peggy Mast

Finally! We get to use the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot to talk about actual Nazis. Specifically Kansas House Speaker Peggy Mast. Who used the magic of social media to, well, break the first rule of social media. And that is don’t say anything you’ll regret saying later. Let’s explain further.

A Kansas House leader said Thursday that her intent was to criticize Planned Parenthood when she called Adolf Hitler’s words profound in a Facebook post.

“Great quote from Hitler in the video,” Speaker Pro Tem Peggy Mast, R-Emporia, the No. 3 Republican in the Kansas House, posted to her Facebook page Thursday morning. “Please listen to it closely. His words are profound! Let’s start using discernment.”

Mast, who is not seeking re-election, did not return phone calls. She did, however, take to social media to clarify her position.

She said in another Facebook post that her intent was to compare Planned Parenthood, the country’s largest reproductive health provider, to the Nazi leader and that she “was not in any way agreeing with Hitler’s words.”

Read more here: http://www.kansas.com/news/politics-government/article109448412.html#storylink=cpy

I think Adolf himself would like to have a word with you, Ms. Mast:

Eh, I’m not really feeling this entry. Let’s switch subjects and talk about Bob Dylan. You guys and gals OK with that? What the fuck is up with Bob Dylan getting the Nobel Prize for Literature?

Bob Dylan has won the 2016 Nobel Prize in Literature.

An American has won the Nobel Prize in Literature for the first time in 23 years—but in a shocking decision, songwriter Bob Dylan—not novelists Philip Roth, Don DeLillo, or Thomas Pynchon—won “for having created new poetic expressions within the great American song tradition.” Dylan’s citation also compared him to Homer—the Swedish Academy had to reach back 3,000 years to find a precedent.

Born Robert Zimmerman in 1941, Dylan was the enfant terrible of the New York City folk scene—a impish trickster who annoyed (and stole from) many of his elders, particularly Dave Van Ronk and Pete Seger. Dylan first broke out in the early 1960s as a part of a growing movement of songwriters who were writing and performing topical material about the Civil Rights Movement and other current events. Dylan has been labeled a “topical songwriter” since that period, but he spent only a short period writing songs like “When The Ship Comes In” and “The Times They Are A Changin’”

But for some reason Bob Dylan is being oddly silent. I mean didn’t he just play that crazy Desert Trip concert to a sold out crowd of 75,000?

U.S. musician Bob Dylan performs during on day 2 of The Hop Festival in Paddock Wood, Kent, June 30, 2012. REUTERS/Ki Price

STOCKHOLM Many writers might give their right arm to be paid almost $1 million to deliver a lecture. But Bob Dylan's silence since he was awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature might mean he never sees the award money.

The American singer-songwriter, a cultural icon of dissent and protest from the 1960s onward, has said nothing about the award announced two weeks ago. But under Nobel rules, the winner must give one lecture on literature - or in Dylan's case even a concert - within six months to receive the $900,000 prize money.

Per Wastberg, a member of Swedish Academy that presents the award, has said that Dylan's silence is "rude and arrogant".

The Nobel Foundation does not accept any rejections of the prize - Dylan's name will be listed as the winner in 2016 whatever he says. But the award money is a different matter.

As a condition, Dylan must give a lecture on a subject "relevant to the work for which the prize has been awarded" no later than 6 months after Dec. 10, the anniversary of dynamite inventor Alfred Nobel's death.

Rise Of The Planet Of The Creepy Clowns

We need some appropriate music for this entry. Can we get that please?

Really? I mean really? That’s what we’re going with? Well OK fine. I mean come on surely we can do better than that, right?

Now you guys are just screwing with me! You know I don’t want to talk about creepy clowns, but as long as they keep popping up in the news, we have to talk about it! They have long since left the confines of the Greensboro, North Carolina woods. And it’s not just in America either, creepy clowns are popping up all over the world! Like in Germany for instance:

Berlin police said on Saturday that two masked men in clown costumes attempted to rob a 25-year-old man in the German capital's neighborhood of Schöneberg. The man managed to break free from the assailants, but the masked men were able to escape and police have opened an investigation into the case.

Prior to that, incidents were reported in several other areas in Germany: a person dressed as a clown and wielding a chainsaw terrified a woman in the western town of Wesel, the dpa news agency reported.

A 15-year-old in Rostock was chased by a clown with a knife on Thursday, and a 33-year-old deaf man was injured in a knife attack by two men wearing clown masks in the German city of Gelsenkirchen.

Now, police have warned of more possible attacks on Halloween, fearing the holiday will make it easier for people to mask themselves as clowns and prank strangers, or even commit crimes.

But here’s the question that has not been asked yet of the creepy clown craze. First off, worst craze ever. Second, worst music festival ever. And that question is simple – what do they want? What is the ultimate end game for today’s modern creepy clown? Is there some sort of underground creepy clown fight club and they’re enacting their own version of Project Mayhem?

The Great Clown Scare of 2016 started in the dog days of August, when a young man began wandering the streets of Green Bay, Wis., in gruesome black-and-white clown makeup, carrying black balloons. (It was later revealed that he was doing guerrilla marketing for a horror short.) A few weeks later, children in a Greenville, S.C., apartment complex told the police about clowns flashing green laser lights in nearby woods and trying to lure them with cash. The complex issued a warning to residents, but the police found nothing — not one frizzy strand of clown-wig hair.

Nevertheless, reports of sinister clowns have spread to at least 20 states, and abroad, causing school closings and several arrests. Notably, no American children have been physically harmed, though last week a man in a clown mask in Sweden stabbed a teenager in the shoulder. Law-abiding clowns are predictably upset, and have organized at least one “Clown Lives Matter” protest in response.

Creepy clown sightings aren’t new. They date from at least May 1981, when the cryptozoologist Loren Coleman coined the term “phantom clowns” to describe them. At the time, children in Brookline, Mass., were reporting clowns in vans who beckoned them with promises of candy. The police issued an all-points bulletin, established checkpoints and conducted searches, but no clowns were captured.

But the tides are now turning! You know last time we talked about creepy clowns, the creepy clowns were fighting back against negative images (see Idiots #44… by posting the creepiest image imaginable and expecting people to show up at a peace rally!

You know I’m no PR expert but I’m pretty sure that’s *NOT* the image you want to use when you want to project a positive image! But the tides are turning! Now residents are fighting back against creepy clowns!

A Mississippi county has had enough of the creepy clown phase.

Kemper County, Mississippi's Board of Supervisors voted recently to make it unlawful to wear a clown costume in public. The ban covers all ages and includes costumes, masks or makeup.

Violation of the ban can result in a fine of up to $150.

The ban – which will expire the day after Halloween – comes at the request of the county sheriff, the Kemper County Messenger reported. It comes after a series of reports from around the country and Alabama that spooky-looking clowns were threatening children and schools. Some of those reports were later debunked and a few led to arrests with concerns over the creepy clown phenomenon growing as Halloween approaches.

Sales of creepy clown masks and costumes have skyrocketed in recent weeks though some retailers, such as Target, have pulled them from the shelves.

Wait a minute… back it up! Beep! Beep! So Target… you’re banning something popular from store shelves and not thinking about your profit margins? I mean what has the world come to? Maybe they saw this story out of San Francisco where guys wearing clown masks attempted to carry guns through a shopping mall. Yikes.

Three men carrying "creepy clown" masks and a gun fled from the Westfield San Francisco Centre on Sunday afternoon, after being discovered by security guards during a routine grounds check.

The guards were reportedly walking through the emergency stairwells in the mall when they found the men, according to the San Francisco Examiner. San Francisco police spokesman Officer Carlos Manfredi told the Examiner SFPD was informed about the incident at about 3:15 p.m. and confirmed that the masks were of the "creepy clown" variety.

"They saw three suspects, two clown masks that they were holding, and one of the three brandished a gun," Manfredi told the Examiner.

So I guess the question that needs to be asked is, what do the creepy clowns gain out of this? That is what newspapers like USA Today are starting to ask. Even the White House – the White House!!! Was forced to comment on the creepy clown situation!

Schools in Cincinnati, Ohio, closed on Friday because a woman reported being attacked by a male dressed as a clown. Another woman, who reported being attacked by a clown early Saturday, was later arrested after police confirmed that she lied about being attacked by a knife-wielding person dressed as a clown.

The phenomenon has even managed to get the attention of the White House, where Press Secretary Josh Earnest was asked about the recent rash of creepy clown arrests on Tuesday.

“I don't know that the president has been briefed on this particular situation,” Earnest said. “Obviously, this is a situation that local law enforcement authorities take quite seriously and they should carefully and thoroughly review, you know, perceived threats to the safety of the community and they should do so prudently.”

But my favorite thing in this whole creepy clown mess? Is that it has brought out the Dark Knight, the Caped Crusader himself – Batman, to fight the creepy clowns! We need some of the Dark Knight theme here. Can we get that?

When evil clowns invade your neighborhood, there’s only one man with the skills and experience to properly handle the situation.

Batman. Obviously.

That’s exactly who came to the rescue when an invasion of creepy clowns began popping up in Cumbria, England, just like we’ve seen here in America. BBC reports that these mysterious monsters have scared a number of young children (plus a bunch of adults, probably).

Luckily, a man known only as Cumbria Superheroes did the most sensible thing possible: he put on his pitch-perfect Dark Knight Batsuit and hit the streets to dish out the kind of dark vengeance that would make Martha proud.

No, he’s not punching anyone… At least, as far as we know. Instead, he’s giving them a taste of their own medicine by scaring them off.

Oh come on Batman, you got to do your part and help fight off the creepy clown who’s running for president!

And Now This:
Rob Zombie

Ladies and gentlemen, playing his song “Well, Everybody’s Fucking In A UFO” from his new album “The Electric Warlock Acid Witch Satanic Orgy Celebration Dispenser”, please welcome Mr. Rob Zombie!

Yeah how about that?

I’d like to take a moment to talk directly to the audience here. Hi, I’m DU user and founder of the new Top 10, Initech. We’ve been doing the Top 10 for the better part of a year now and following this insane election cycle way more closely than most people have been. And having a lot of fun in the process. This is the end of season 1, but some good news - we got renewed for Season 2!!!! Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!

This is the last new Top 10 before the November 8th election. Now don’t be sad! This is it folks, it’s literally the 11th hour and it’s time to send the worst candidate in American history packing. We’re going to take two weeks off starting next week but we’ll be back on November 16th when the dust settles from the election with the start of Season 2 and a special edition that will hopefully see Donald Trump getting annihilated in a landslide. But we will be doing a best of next week to hold you over. That’s it! Stop with my nonsense and GOTV against Donald Trump! See you on the other side for the start of Season 2!

See you in three weeks!

Stephen Colbert Offers Some Programming Ideas For Trump TV

Bad Hombres...

Weird Al Feat. The Gregory Brothers - "Bad Hombres, Nasty Women"

This is a song that Weird Al made for the last debate featuring the Gregory Brothers of the Songify Youtube channel. Here's the lyrics:

Such a nasty woman
He choked (wrong)
He choked (wrong)
He goes around with crocodile tears
Wrong, such a nasty woman

We have so many adversaries overseas
Can we all agree to be frenemies?

I would work with our allies in the middle east
That’s the only way we’re going to keep the peace

Mosul Mosul Mosul so sad so sad
It’s a catastrophe so bad so bad

Can everyone achieve the American Dream?
Or should they sign up for my Ponzi scheme?

We are going to go where the money is
We are gonna help small businesses
Our jobs are being sucked out of our economy,
Right now our country is dying dying big league big league

Why should you run the show?
We’ve gotta do more
Tell us cause we need to know
We need to get all of the drug lords
Two more weeks until we vote
You’ll get shot walking to the store
Who should really run the show
Donald got into a twitter war

For the supreme court who would you choose?
Please don’t say me I’m a busy dude

The supreme court it’s what it’s all about
But the second amendment is under such such trauma
I understand and respect gun ownership
I hope the senate confirms the nominee of President Obama

To stop a cold war what should we be doing?
Would you go thumb wrestle Vladimir Putin?

I don’t know Putin. This is not my best friend
Outsmarted Hillary and she’s playing chicken.
Look at the start up they signed

You are willing to spout the Putin line
Cyber attacks from the Kremlin
Designed to influence our election

Putin has a very clear favorite in this race
He’d rather have a puppet as president of the united states

Why should you run the show?
We have horrible deals
Tell us ‘cause we need to know
Donald bought Chinese steel
Two more weeks until we vote
I should win easily
Who should really run the show, the show
He’s talking down our democracy

It’s so dishonest I say it’s rigged
She should never have been allowed to run based on what she did
I see
Our democracy works we’ve had free and fair elections
Donald thinks things are rigged every time things are not going in his direction

We have some bad bad hombres here
And we’re gonna get ‘em out
It’s what it’s all about
Bad hombres

Why should you run the show?
I want to raise the minimum wage
Tell us ‘cause we need to know
Our country is so outplayed
Two more weeks until we vote
We invest from the ground up
Who should really run the show, the show
Our jobs are being suck sucked

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #46: Wheel O’Corruption X: Never Go Back Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #46: Wheel O’Corruption X: Never Go Back Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! This edition of the Top 10 Conservative Idiots was made possible by a grant from the Chubb! Group in association with the Fillmore Complex. Chubb and Fillmore: An alliance fit for the ages. But before we continue – we would like to get your attention. Do you know what you are missing out on by continuing to view the Top 10 without a generous donation? That’s right – your generous donation (in whatever amount, we’re not picky) – will get you this commemorative tote bag. A donation of $40 will get you the official Top 10 Tote Bag and the Top 10 Coffee Mug. A donation of $75 will get you all of the above, plus this David Crosby Greatest Hits collection. A donation of $100 will get you all of the above, plus we will throw in a DVD about the 100 Places You Must Visit In Hokkaido, Japan Before You Die. Ah, that’s enough of that nonsense.. Let’s get to it, shall we? But first – Stephen Colbert says what we're all thinking in regards to Donald Trump's insane conspiracy theories:

Holy shit. I mean seriously – holy shit. Did we ever imagine that the Donald Trump campaign would be channeling Rush Limbaugh and Bill Cosby? Well this edition is going to get real dark real quick, folks, and the cure for that is to bring out the Wheel O’Corruption. Yayyyyyyyyyy!!!!!! The kids love the wheel don’t they? Well the top 4 slots this week are all going to go to returning champion and (hopefully not anymore, we’re hoping) possible future president Donald J. Trump. The first two slots – we’re going to talk about Donald Trump going in a full meltdown over Alec Baldwin’s portrayal of him on Saturday Night Live. In the second slot there’s more about his repore with women – and it’s not very good! We are going to go down the wormhole on this one and it is going to get real dark real quick. In the number 3 slot we’re going to talk about Donald Trump and the family values party – specifically Liberty University. In the number 4 slot – we’re going to talk about Donald Trump’s dangerous rhetoric about election rigging. In slot number 5, we’re going to have another installment of “People Who Somehow Got Elected” – this week we’re talking about Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio (5). This is going to be a good one! Taking the sixth slot is the GOP Anti-Women Brigade (6). So Rush Limbaugh and other conservatives are actively trying to justify Donald Trump’s disgusting behavior toward women, and failing big time! In the number 7 slot – one of our favorite punching bags – Martin Shkreli (7) is back and attempted to hold a “get together” with his fans at an upscale New York bar, only to have it backfire on him big time. In the number 8 slot is our favorite punching bag - Infowars! So Alex Jones got name checked in a new ad by Hillary Clinton, and he’s pissed! Break out the popcorn! Plus he also made an absurd claim that Hillary Clinton was possessed by demons. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot this week we’re going to talk about the rise and now fall of undecided voter Ken Bone (9). So in one week Ken Bone went from nobody to superstar to blithering racist. It is the work of insanity. We almost feel sorry for the guy. But it is the work of the internet at its’ finest. And really – we’re three weeks away from the GE, and how can you be undecided at this point? Finally this week, we’re going to lighten things up and talk about Halloween Costumes (10). Did you get yours yet? Halloween is a mere 13 days away and we’ve got some ideas for you! And because you’re nice for listening to my schtick this week – how about some more live music. I know what you’re thinking. “But Initech, we’ve only had 3 live bands on and they’re all dudes. When are lady musicians going to be represented?” *Donald Trump voice* *SNIFF* WRONG!!! You’re wrong!!! You’re stupid losers!!!! Well ask and ye shall receive! How about some live music from Halsey? Her new album “Badlands” is crazy good. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

Donald Trump

Come on everybody say it with me. It’s time for the WHEEL OF CORRUPTION!!!! Yayyyyyyyyy!!!

And of course if we had a bigger budget we’d have our own graphics and theme music. The wheel is back everybody!! yes just like last time I’ll talk about whatever the wheel lands on. And just like the last time, we too shall have terrible sequel titles with each edition of the Wheel. This week's title comes from the new Jack Reacher sequel "Never Go Back". But remember that if it lands on the Guacamole option that it costs $1.50 extra. So this week the items on the wheel will be:

- Gun Nuts
- Go Directly To Jail
- Clip Without Context
- Guacamole
- 5,000
- Dating
- Music
- Community Chest
- Bankrupt
- Undecided Voters
- Halloween
- Chance
- Buy A Vowel
- Donald Trump
- My Wife
- Bathrooms
- Whammy
- A Recent Study
- Aliens
- Guns
- VR Headset
- Misogyny
- Late Breaking News
- People Who Somehow Got Elected
- 10,000
- How Is This Still A Thing?
- Fox News
- Jersey Shore
- 15,000
- New Products
- Congress
- Conspiracy Theories
- Booze
- Something random in the news
- ??? (Mystery)
- Florida (Obviously)
- Infowars
- Lightning Round
- Bonus Spin

So let’s get this going. Spin that shit! No whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy…. STOP!!! Conspiracy theories!

No that was a scene from the movie Conspiracy Theory starring Mel Gibson. Spin it again! And it lands on… Donald Trump. So combining conspiracy theories and Donald Trump is like shooting fish in a barrel, it’s really impossible to miss. Well the Trump campaign went full-on batshit tin foil hat mode this last week because of what else? Saturday Night Live. Let’s explain.

Donald Trump thinks that even "Saturday Night Live" is part of a media conspiracy to bring down his presidential candidacy.
Saturday night, SNL opened with a mocking reenactment of the second presidential debate. The parody included the moderators taking shots, a kung fu style greeting between Trump and Hillary Clinton and an ode to town hall questioner -- and 15-minute celebrity -- Ken Bone.

But the biggest laughs came from Alec Baldwin's portrayal of a stalking, lewd, deceptive Trump. The live SNL audience was cracking up, but apparently the real Trump wasn't.

In a tweet, the Republican nominee said that Baldwin's portrayal "stinks." He also called on NBC to end its "boring and unfunny" show. And he said that SNL was trying to rig the election against him.

Watched Saturday Night Live hit job on me.Time to retire the boring and unfunny show. Alec Baldwin portrayal stinks. Media rigging election!

So let’s show that clip shall we?

And Donald’s response? “Saturday Night Live is a boring unfunny show. Alec Baldwin is a stupid loser, and the show is painfully unfunny and should be cancelled! Lorne Michaels should be thrown in jail, OK? Because when I am in charge freedom of speech will be only for stupid losers!” Oh wait, he actually did say that!

Donald Trump thinks that even "Saturday Night Live" is part of a media conspiracy to bring down his presidential candidacy.

Saturday night, SNL opened with a mocking reenactment of the second presidential debate. The parody included the moderators taking shots, a kung fu style greeting between Trump and Hillary Clinton and an ode to town hall questioner -- and 15-minute celebrity -- Ken Bone.

But the biggest laughs came from Alec Baldwin's portrayal of a stalking, lewd, deceptive Trump. The live SNL audience was cracking up, but apparently the real Trump wasn't.

In a tweet, the Republican nominee said that Baldwin's portrayal "stinks." He also called on NBC to end its "boring and unfunny" show. And he said that SNL was trying to rig the election against him.

Can we throw that Tweet up there?

That looks like it was made with the Fake Trump Tweet Generator, wasn’t it? Well I could make that same Tweet!

If I were to make one I would do this:

It’s getting harder to tell the difference between a “Saturday Night Live” presidential election sketch and the real televised thing. In last night’s Town Hall Debate cold open, Kate McKinnon and Alec Baldwin continued to perfect their Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump portrayals, with McKinnon narrating Clinton’s meticulous physical preparation (“I’d like to open this debate with a casual lean,” she says, sliding down the front of the pointless podium) and Baldwin turning Trump’s lurking behind Clinton during her responses into a surreal “Jaws” moment.

Did you think you were getting out of this sketch without a Ken Bone moment? Think again. Thanks, Bobby Moynihan!

The real Donald Trump? Was not impressed.

Gee, ya think? Well you could not create a character like Donald Trump. In fact Lewis Black said it best in his special that aired last week – “How do you satirize that which is already satirtical?”. That is an excellet point Lewis!

The GOP nominee demonstrated how thin-skinned he is on Sunday morning by blasting the show for mocking him.

The brash businessman tweeted out his anger by first claiming that “SNL” had performed a “hit job” on him.

He also said Alec Baldwin’s portrayal of him “stinks” and that it was “time to retire the boring and unfunny show.” Trump conveniently forgot, however, that he actually hosted the show just 11 months ago in November 2015.

Wait until he finds this show!

Damn it!

Donald Trump

Let’s give the wheel a good strong spin! And it lands on…………………. Wait for it………… Aliens!

More specifically alien conspiracy theories. So Wikileaks failed to deliver on their big “October Surprise” against Hillary Clinton. But you know what they did deliver? Something equally as insane – former Blink 182 guitarist Tom Delonge apparently asked Hillary Clinton what she thought about aliens. This is real! That happened!

Tom DeLonge decided to walk a different — extraterrestrial — path last year when he parted ways with his band, Blink-182.

In a recent interview with Mic, the singer and guitarist said he left the band to investigate aliens, although he does not like to use that word.

"First of all, we don't really call it 'aliens,'" he explained. "In pop culture, that's a term people throw out there, and rightfully so because the government spends a lot of time and a lot of money throwing that term out there. But it's much more complex than that."

DeLonge says he always had an interest in UFOs and decide to leave his band — which found major success in the late 1990s and early 2000s — to investigate extraterrestrials

Hey Tom, I hear there’s two FBI field agents you might want to contact. They investigate paranormal activity (and it has nothing to do with the bullshit movies). Their names are agent Fox Mulder and Dr. Dana Scully. The truth is out there folks!

Spin it again! Donald Trump. So last week we covered extensively Donald Trump’s repore with women. And it’s not a good one. But we didn’t get to cover everything. Before we go down the wormhole on this, we have to acknowledge the government of Australia passing a motion calling Donald Trump a “revolting slug”.

But perhaps the most eloquent condemnation of Trump came from one of the houses of state parliament in New South Wales, which, according to BuzzFeed Australia, just passed a unanimous motion to declare Donald Trump a "revolting slug." The motion—a symbolic declaration of sorts with no real legislative heft—was tendered by a member of the Greens Party:

"I move that this house condemns the misogynistic, hateful comments made by…Mr Donald Trump, about women and minorities, including the remarks revealed over the weekend that clearly describe sexual assault…and agrees with those who have described Mr Trump as 'a revolting slug' unfit for public office," the motion read.

The Revolting Slugs – I saw them at the Troubadour last week. Amazing band! So what did Donald Trump do to piss people off this week in regards to his treatment of women? Well first off he used the “R” word in regards to a deaf Apprentice contestant:

Just in case you thought Donald Trump was insufficiently awful: He repeatedly called a deaf actress “retarded,” three sources tell The Daily Beast.

Trump, who was accused on Wednesday of making sexual comments to Marlee Matlin, an Oscar-winning actress who once competed on Trump’s Celebrity Apprentice, also apparently had a habit of insulting, mimicking, and demeaning as mentally handicapped his star female contestant—all because she was deaf.

In 2011, Matlin, who is still the only deaf actor or actress to win an Academy Award for best actress, appeared on Trump’s NBC reality-TV series. By the end of the season, she had come in second place and earned her fair share of compliments from Trump in the aired footage. But according to three longtime staffers who worked on Matlin’s season of Celebrity Apprentice, Trump would regularly disrespect the actress and would even treat her as if she were mentally disabled.

That’s a pretty strong accusation out of the box, folks! And see if you ladies and gentlemen can guess who Trump is blaming for his own sexual assault allegations? Anyone? Bueller? He’s saying Mexico!!! I mean seriously is anyone surprised?

Donald Trump reportedly plans to blame Mexican billionaire Carlos Slim for emerging allegations of sexual assault against the GOP nominee.

Trump will say that Slim, as a shareholder of New York Times Co. and a donor to the Clinton Foundation, has an interest in helping Democrat Hillary Clinton's campaign, The Wall Street Journal reported Friday.
The Times published this week the stories of two women who allege Trump groped and kissed them without their consent in the past.

And here’s where it gets real dark real quick – there’s multiple allegations of Donald Trump allegedly walking in on young women changing clothes during the pagents – some way below the age of 18! Even being over 18 that doesn’t make this OK!

Donald Trump barged in on Miss Teen USA contestants while they were changing clothes, and engaged in “creepy” dressing room banter with the girls — some as young as 15, according to a report.

At least four women told Buzzfeed that the mogul — who owned the Miss Universe, Miss USA and Miss Teen USA pageants from 1996 until last year — nonchalantly strolled into their dressing room during the 1997 pageant.

“I remember putting on my dress really quick because I was like, ‘Oh my God, there’s a man in here!’” former Miss Vermont Teen USA Mariah Billado told the site about the alleged 1997 incident.

The Donald, she recalled, responded, saying something like: “Don’t worry, ladies, I’ve seen it all before.”

Donald Trump

Spin that shit! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! And it lands on… clip without context!

Spin that shit again! And it lands on……. Donald Trump. Whose name can be spelled Donald T. Rump. I mean that’s a classic joke there. Surprisingly one of Donald Trump’s biggest supporters has been Liberty University. Which is funny because remember at the start of the campaign they’re the ones that birthed Ted Cruz. And where Donald Trump hilariously misquoted 2 Corinthians.

As Election Day looms, a tale of two Liberty Universities has emerged.

It is no secret that Jerry Falwell, Jr., president of Liberty University, has been an unabashed supporter of Donald Trump since the Republican primaries. While his affection for the billionaire businessman has certainly sent attention his way, it has also earned Falwell the scorn of students from the university he leads.

Some students have started a “Liberty United Against Trump” petition, signaling to the watching world that, while their school’s leader may be in the GOP presidential nominee’s corner, they are not. In addition, Ben Howe, a prominent Never-Trumper, Liberty graduate, and son of a former Liberty professor, called on Falwell to resign Thursday in a scathing editorial.

But amid all the press coverage the backlash against Falwell is getting, the university’s student body president wants to make one thing clear: Most Liberty students actually agree with Falwell’s Trump endorsement.

But Liberty University – while they may get a lot of hate because they’re associated with late asshole and extreme homophobe, Jerry Falwell, are shockingly full of surprises!

The group, Liberty United Against Trump, released a statement earlier this week arguing that the school’s president, Jerry Falwell Jr., had linked the school and Trump. The group noted that any member of the school’s faculty would be fired for bragging about kissing and groping women the way that Trump has.

“A recently uncovered tape revealed his comments bragging about sexually assaulting women,” the statement, which also serves as a petition, reads. “Any faculty or staff member at Liberty would be terminated for such comments, and yet when Donald Trump makes them, President Falwell rushes eagerly to his defense ― taking the name ‘Liberty University’ with him. ‘We’re all sinners,’ Falwell told the media, as if sexual assault is a shoulder-shrugging issue rather than an atrocity which plagues college campuses across America, including our own.”

Wait – what the what?

But Falwell Jr. didn’t just back down on his controversial statement to endorse Donald Trump this late in the game. Oh no, my friends, he doubled down! In fact he’s about as delusional as it gets and claiming to speak for the majority of the school!

Although more than 2,500 students have signed a petition against Liberty University President Jerry Falwell Jr.'s continued vocal support of scandal-ridden Donald Trump, a student leader says most of the school's students will still vote for the Republican presidential nominee.

"Contrary to what the media is reporting, the majority of students at Liberty University agree with President Falwell and respect his decision to support Donald Trump," Jack Heaphy, who is the university's student body president, said, according to TheBlaze. "They are not blindly following President Falwell, but rather have a shared understanding of the danger a Hillary Clinton presidency represents and what it could mean for the Christian freedoms we hold dearly."

Read more at http://www.christianpost.com/news/liberty-university-student-president-says-majority-at-school-will-vote-for-trump-despite-petition-170880/#6flrrqhSGzXkE1FC.99

And yes religion is about not thinking, at least according to Jerry Falwell Jr. not only is he claiming to think for the majority of the school’s 8,000+ students, can you guess where he is taking his platform to spread his bullshit? Why if you guessed Fox News, you are correct sir / madam!

Students at Liberty University have spoken out against the Christian school’s president, Jerry Falwell, Jr., for supporting Donald Trump. But that got just a passing mention when Falwell visited Fox News’ The O’Reilly Factor Friday night to promote his continuing support for Trump.

Substitute host Bret Baier noted in his introduction that “students at Liberty University are denouncing” Falwell for supporting Trump. But Baier didn’t mention why a group of students have come out against Falwell: because they think his endorsement of Trump undercuts the school’s integrity. From The Huffington Post:

Donald Trump

Spin that shit! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! And it lands on… dating. So if you turn on the TV at any point there’s all kinds of services for just about anything dating you could possibly be into. Or maybe you just want some free luxury cars out of it:

A Missouri man has been accused of convincing a woman to buy him a Lamborghini and a Corvette as part of an online dating swindle that stretched across several states and encompassed at least three women, according to authorities.

28-year-old Timothy Rossell was arrested on October 13, and has been charged with one count of impersonating a federal officer and four counts of identity theft. According to police, Rossell was engaged in a con in which he would convince women to buy cars for him, drive them for a time, and then secretly sell them while telling the women the vehicles were stolen, KMOV.com reports.

Spin it again! And it lands on… Donald Trump. Again? Really? OK. So Donald Trump has been fighting everybody you can think of. He’s been fighting everyone and everything. Like his own vice president!

WASHINGTON — Republican leaders and election officials from both parties on Sunday sought to combat claims by Donald J. Trump that the election is rigged against him, amid signs that Mr. Trump’s contention is eroding confidence in the vote and setting off talk of rebellion among his supporters.

In a vivid illustration of how Mr. Trump is shattering American political norms, the Republican nominee is alleging that a conspiracy is underway between the news media and the Democratic Party to commit vast election fraud. He has offered no evidence to support his claim.

“The election is absolutely being rigged by the dishonest and distorted media pushing Crooked Hillary — but also at many polling places — SAD,” Mr. Trump wrote on Twitter on Sunday.

So Donald Trump is going against the establishment and accusing it of election rigging. Add that to Jerry Falwell Jr’s saying that a vote for Hillary is a vote against freedom and you have a toxic storm brewing!

The Republican presidential nominee's claim that the election is being rigged against him represents the most outlandish moment yet in a campaign devoted to dismantling political norms.

Trump might not be the first candidate to feel nefarious forces are moving to keep him from the White House -- presidential elections have occasionally been disputed after votes are counted and have often been marred by accusations of dark instruments of fraud, such as the dead casting votes.

But when he questioned his own VP about the possibility of election rigging guess what happened?

Donald Trump has been raising doubts about the integrity of the election for months, but his running mate and other GOP leaders are taking a more cautious tone.

"We will absolutely accept the result of the election," Republican vice presidential nominee Mike Pence said on NBC's Meet The Press Sunday. "Look, the American people will speak in an election that will culminate on November the 8th. But the American people are tired of the obvious bias in the national media."

Trump had recently been putting the emphasis of his "rigged" message less on actual voter fraud and more on the idea that the media is making it impossible for him to win by reporting on allegations of sexual assault, which Trump calls "phony."

Joe Arpaio

Spin it to win it! And it lands on…. People Who Somehow Got Elected! Hit it! Now it’s time for another installment of:

This week, Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio. This guy has been the textbook definition of the racist redneck bounty hunter since 2004. So how does Sheriff Joe keep getting elected and elected and elected? It certainly isn’t his track record.

PHOENIX — Prosecutors say they will charge Arizona sheriff Joe Arpaio with criminal contempt of court over immigration patrols.

The racial profiling lawsuit that Arpaio lost more than three years ago morphed into a contempt case after the sheriff was accused of violating court orders. It revealed deep flaws in Arpaio's internal investigations, which Snow said had been manipulated to shield sheriff's officials from accountability.

Arpaio would face up to six months in jail if convicted of misdemeanor criminal contempt and an unspecified sentencing range if such a conviction is deemed a felony.

A felony contempt conviction would force Arpaio from office, while he could remain sheriff with a misdemeanor conviction. If prosecutors charge him, the case is not expected to be designated as a misdemeanor or felony until later.

Read more: http://www.politico.com/story/2016/10/prosecutors-will-charge-arizona-sheriff-arpaio-with-criminal-contempt-229618

That’s right – a felony conviction could forcibly remove him from office. But he’s already way ahead in the polls.

And we mean way ahead. When we say way ahead we mean way ahead, damn it!

Sheriff Joe Arpaio breezes to primary win as Recorder Helen Purcell, Schools Superintendent Don Covey struggle

Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio sailed into the general election Tuesday, but early primary results showed two other county incumbents — Recorder Helen Purcell and Schools Superintendent Don Covey — in danger of defeat.

Arpaio, the controversial lawman who has been in office 23 years, is seeking a seventh term. He led his three Republican challengers comfortably in early results, and the Associated Press declared him the winner little more than an hour after polls closed Tuesday.

Pre-primary polls had shown Arpaio with a substantial edge over Dan Saban, a former Buckeye police chief; Wayne Baker, a retired sheriff's deputy; and Marsha Ann Hill, a former sheriff's animal posse volunteer.

None of the challengers raised enough money or made a big enough splash to reach voters. For Saban, it was a third attempt at the office. Even though the sheriff refused to participate in any candidate forums, his national fame and solid conservative base pushed him to victory.

Read more: http://www.azcentral.com/story/news/politics/elections/2016/08/31/maricopa-county-primary-election-results-joe-arpaio-helen-purcell-don-covey/89301900/

That’s right – Sheriff Joe has been elected not one, not two, not three, but a whopping seven times! That’s over 23 years of pure hatred and racism! Or as Homer Simpson calls it “Seven Thumbs Up”.

So how does Joe Arpaio continue to get elected? Well let’s think about who his biggest supporters are – racists. And we’re not talking your tin foil hat uncle at Thanksgiving who spends way too much time listening to Infowars. We’re talking the people who say “I’m not racist, but…” and then immediately follow it up with something blatantly racist. You know, like this guy.

Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Maricopa County, Arizona, backed Donald Trump from the moment he decided to run for president. Arpaio says he likes the billionaire because he's been nice to Ava, his wife of 58 years. But there's more to it: Trump represents hope for Arpaio, whose tough police tactics have gotten him in hot water.

The man who calls himself "America's Toughest Sheriff" is a hero to some and a villain to others for his relentless targeting of illegal immigrants and the spartan conditions in his jails. Now, the controversy has come to a head: He is running for re-election while facing potential criminal charges for being slow to implement a 2013 court ruling that ordered him to stop racial profiling. His life's work is in danger of being negated thanks to the efforts of some dedicated activists and lawyers who oppose his tough methods. So it's no wonder that he has called electing Trump his "most important mission" after 55 years in law enforcement. Trump, who has made a crackdown on immigration a signature issue of his campaign and has endorsed "stop and frisk" policing and profiling as practiced in Israel, may seem like the answer to his problems.

Yes Donald Trump is an ally of Sheriff Joe Arpaio. And we all know where Donald Trump gets his talking points from – Infowars. So does that mean Sheriff Joe also gets his talking points from Infowars? Of course you can’t have an article about a sheriff from the south without making some Clint Eastwood references:

Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio's campaign continues to be a fundraising juggernaut, with its $1.2 million campaign war chest richer than any other county candidate's, new finance reports show.

In another county race, however, the reports offered a surprise: A notably poor month for incumbent Maricopa County Recorder Helen Purcell.

It's not unusual for Arpaio to outraise his challengers. He collected more than $725,000 from Aug. 19 to Sept. 19, nearly four times Democrat Paul Penzone's $188,000. Penzone had about $290,000 in the bank.

But there’s only one Clint Eastwood reference that’s appropriate for Sheriff Joe. That’s right – you guessed it – Gran Torino.

But of course there’s one thing that Sheriff Joe loves – and that’s the possibility of Donald Trump for president. With friends like these, who needs enemies?

Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio has earned a reputation as “America’s toughest sheriff” by housing Arizona prisoners in tents and cutting meat out of their diets, but in a Bakersfield Business conference speech he said he's got a huge soft spot for Donald J. Trump.

The Republican presidential nominee has faced calls to step aside since the release Friday afternoon of a 2005 tape showing him making derogatory comments about women.

But Arpaio praised Trump for meeting with Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto on Aug. 31 — and for calling his wife to chat several times.

But Joe still won’t let the birther bullshit die. I mean come on, he got owned by Bill Maher on this years ago!

Imagine if there were a story presenting two very striking possibilities:

1. The president of the United States is perpetrating a fraud, in a con job of historical proportions.

2. A major law-enforcement agency is making, perhaps knowingly, an untrue and seriously damaging allegation against a sitting president.

Wouldn’t you say that, either way, it was a big story warranting further investigation?

We don’t have to imagine, however, because this is precisely the case with the investigation of Barack Obama’s birth certificate by the Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office (MCSO), the largest sheriff’s department in Arizona. Yet this huge story is treated like a non-story.

However, he is lagging in the polls right now – this might be the year folks! Just like the Cubs might actually win the World Series, we might actually finally vote this guy out of office for good! Who needs some butter?

It’s been a week from hell for Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio, and it couldn't be happening to a more deserving guy. On Tuesday, federal prosecutors in Arizona charged America's worst lawman with criminal contempt of court for violating judge’s order to curtail his department’s unconstitutional racial profiling practices—charges that could carry jail time.

Now the news has gotten even worse for Arpaio. A new poll shows him trailing his Democratic opponent, former Phoenix police sergeant Paul Penzone—by 10 points:

Hopefully that means that in 2017, Sheriff Joe will no longer be a member of the:

The GOP Anti-Women Brigade

Entering the spin zone! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! Sweet! It lands on community chest! Let’s see what I get.

Nice! I get $200! Make it rain!!!

Spin it again! And it lands on… misogyny! Speaking of making it rain… the GOP is actively trying to justify Donald Trump’s failures when it comes to women. But first of all, is this really necessary? I mean when Donald Trump is embroidered in scandal after scandal involving his mistreatment of women, is this really the photo op you want to project?

Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump said Thursday that allegations by four women that he kissed and touched them inappropriately are "totally and absolutely false."

With his campaign reeling from the accusations, the brash real estate mogul told supporters in Florida, "These claims are all fabricated. They're pure fiction and outright lies. These events never, ever happened and the people who said them fully understand." He said he has "substantial evidence to dispute" the claims that will be made public at an "appropriate time very soon."

So now how do you put a spin on that?

That’s right – Rush Limbaugh is actively advocating that the rape police be brought in!


Rush Limbaugh appears convinced sexual assault is a bogus concept invented by "the left."

As Donald Trump was in boiling hot water Wednesday evening after numerous media reports alleged he has sexually abused several women, the boisterous right-wing talk show host appeared mostly upset about the fact that rape is illegal.

"The left will promote and understand and tolerate anything, as long as there is one element. Do you know what it is? Consent," Limbaugh said during his namesake radio show Wednesday. "If there is consent on both or all three or all four, however many are involved in the sex act, it's perfectly fine. But if the left ever senses and smells that there's no consent in part of the equation then here come the rape police."

All 3 or all four? What kind of sex acts is Rush Limbaugh participating in? I mean remember when he went to the Caribbean in 2005 with a bottle containing 40 pills of Viagra? A creep like this should get absolutely no say in the sexual assault debate.

JULY 6--Rush Limbaugh was traveling with four other men--including the producers of the hit show "24"--when he was detained over a mislabeled bottle of Viagra found in his luggage during a Customs search, records show.

A Department of Homeland Security passenger manifest shows that Limbaugh and his four buddies flew from the Dominican Republic on a Gulfstream IV jet owned by Premiere Radio Networks, which syndicates his radio program.

Limbaugh returned to Palm Beach, Florida on June 26 with Joel Surnow, "24"'s co-creator and executive producer and Howard Gordon, another of the Fox hit's executive producers (Hollywood agent Jeffrey Benson was also part of the Limbaugh quintet).

So why does Rush Limbaugh get a say in the debate when his own recent history would suggest that he’s a globe trotting sex pervert? He’s not the only one though! Actual senator Jeff Sessions (R – Creep) when asked by the Weekly Standard, wasn’t sure whether or not groping was considered sexual assault! Um… it is, dumbass!

Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-AL) claimed Sunday that Donald Trump was not describing sexual assault in a leaked video recording in which the Republican nominee brags about grabbing women “by the pussy” without their consent.

Interviewed in the spin room after the presidential debate in St. Louis, in which Trump brushed off the comments as “locker room talk,” the Alabama senator noted that the real estate mogul already apologized for his “very improper language.”

“But beyond the language, would you characterize the behavior described in that as sexual assault if that behavior actually took place?” the Weekly Standard asked.

Martin Shkreli

Let’s spin that shit! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy…. Stop! My wife!

Spin it again! Booze. You know that thing that starts out great Friday night, but the next day makes you never want to have any more of it. That is, until Saturday when you start drinking again! So Pharma Douche Martin Shkreli, who’s currently under indictment for fraud, decided to hold a “drinks are on me” party at a bar near the federal court house in Manhattan. So here’s what happened:

After a securities fraud hearing in Brooklyn Federal Court on Friday, "pharma bro" Martin Shkreli reached out to Twitter for bar suggestions near Brooklyn Heights. He ultimately decided to head to Henry Street Ale House for a "fan meetup," and promised his Twitter followers: "Drinks are on your boy."

Shortly after sending out this invitation into the digital ether, the team at Henry Street Ale House replied to the pharmaceuticals kingpin: "You did not contact us to reserve the space and your ‘fans’ are not welcome." The Tweet has since been deleted, but the management further communicated that they did not have room for Shkreli and his posse at the bar.

Dude, Henry St. I know you want to project the good image of drinking, but you made the mistake of a perfectly good price gouging opportunity! You could have kept the bar open and charged $750 for a gin and tonic! Or $550 for a 16 ounce beer! Well, the bar he ended up at did catch wind of what was going on. Can we throw that Tweet up there?

And by the way we got to mention Shkreli’s ill-ventured Esports business, which as you can guess, was a colossal disaster.

The last years’ worth of venture capital funding, high-profile celebrity sponsorships, and Riot increasingly relenting grounds on community demands has done a lot to obscure what was previously a ubiquitously acknowledged esports truism – that the scene and industry is a lawless, messy, and somewhat destructive mess. Whether or not that is or remains true of its current big movers and shakers is up to debate, but whether the mistakes of yesteryear still linger isn’t.

In early 2015, infamous pharmaceutical industries executive Martin Shkreli was less known as the male version of Epipen price-jacking CEO Heather Bresch, and better known to esports as owner of Odyssey Esports – later merged with NRG general manager Gerard Kelly’s former Team Imagine.


Spin that shit! No whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! No, a whammy!!!!

Spin it again. Infowars. Crap, do I really have to talk about Infowars? Ok. Fine. Make me. I know you are but what am I? It takes one to know one! But mom!!!! So you know that Hillary Clinton name checked Alex Jones last week as being the source of where Donald Trump gets most of his talking points right?

And as you can imagine Alex Jones is pissed!

Hillary Clinton’s latest attack ad shines a light on the rhetorical similarities between Donald Trump and Infowars.com founder Alex Jones.

The first minute of the ad focuses primarily on Jones’ myriad out-there conspiracy theories: on Sandy Hook (“synthetic, completely fake, with actors”), on Sept. 11 (“the official story is a fable”), on the Democratic candidate herself (“She’s a freaking demon, and she stinks, and so does Obama”), and on LGBT issues (“I don’t like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the friggin’ frogs gay!”).

Jones interviewed the Republican presidential nominee in December. And in January, Trump — still in the throes of a primary battle — called Jones a “nice guy.”

So Alex Jones is naturally pissed. I mean he called Hillary Clinton a demon and said that she and president Obama smelled like sulfur! Uh…… what?

Radio host and Donald Trump supporter Alex Jones doesn’t need to tell Hillary Clinton and President Barack Obama to go to Hell. He believes they already reside there.

On Monday, Jones, host of his eponymous show on the Genesis Communications Network, said the two were literally the devil, Media Matters reports.

He called Clinton a “psychopathic demon.”

“I’m sure of that, and people around her say she’s so dark now, and so evil, and so possessed that they are having nightmares, they’re freaking out,” Jones ranted (watch above).

He claimed that both Clinton and Obama smell of evil and sulfur, attracting flies when no one else does.

You know… is Alex Jones smoking the same stuff this woman is smoking? Because it must be good!

Ken Bone

Spin it to win it!! No whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy STOP!!! And it lands on… wait for it… Something random in the news!

An upstate New York man apparently high on hallucinogens broke into his neighbor's home to save their dog from what he thought was a burning home, police say.

There was no fire, state police told WNYT-TV. The man had consumed LSD and cough medicine and thought his neighbor's home in Saratoga County was being consumed by flames last Thursday, officials say.

He went around his Halfmoon neighborhood banging on doors and yelling about a fire, WNYT reported. When no one would help, he drove his black BMW sedan through his neighbor's fence, went to the back door and smashed through it to retrieve the dog.
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This ranks about a 9 out of 10 on my WTF-O-Meter. I mean this story is so fucked up on so many levels! At least the dog is fine! Where have I seen imaginary fires before?

Spin it again! And it lands on… Undecided Voters! So we have to talk about the guy who stole everyone’s heart during the Town Hall debates – Mr. Kenneth Bone.

How could anyone not like this guy? He looks like a fat Mr. Rogers! So neither Donald Trump nor Hillary Clinton won the debate. Instead it was this guy!

Today, the pundits will argue over who won the presidential debate. But we think we can safely deliver the verdict:
Ken Bone.
The debate, in case you missed it, was a town hall-style affair where audience members (screened by Gallup and selected by the moderators) asked questions of the candidates. And in that group of well-behaved, articulate, truth seekers was one Mr. Bone.

So last week we talked about the debates. But this week we have to talk about the craziest story of the week – the rise and fall of Kenneth J. Bone.


So now Ken Bone has become an overnight meme. What to do when you’ve become an internet star? You know we used to have 15 minutes of fame. Now that 15 minutes has been turned into 15 seconds! You know we talked about Halloween costumes in the previous entry. Well would you be surprised that a sexy Ken Bone costume exists? Because… internet! And sexy!

In the week since the second presidential debate, the pop culture phenomenon of undecided voter Kenneth Bone rose like Icarus toward the sun. He made media appearances, did a Reddit AMA, launched an official T-shirt, and his signature red cable-knit sweater sold out at Kohl’s. But it wasn’t long before America found out more about Bone than it wanted to know and his wings melted.

His 15 minutes of fame may be coming to a close, but the most notable attempt to capture some secondhand magic of the Ken Bone story is still up and running, courtesy of lingerie brand Yandy: Holiday procrastinators, meet the “Sexy Undecided Voter” Halloween costume.

Ken Bone was seriously polling higher than Jill Stein! This is hilarious!

A man whose outfit at the second presidential debate made him an internet sensation polls higher than Green Party nominee Jill Stein in Florida, according to a new poll.

Ken Bone leads the Stein 4 percent to 1 percent in the Public Policy Polling (PPP) survey out Friday.

Libertarian presidential nominee Gary Johnson, meanwhile, takes 5 percent support among the state’s likely voters.

And I mean really how could anyone be undecided at this point? There’s no possible way any sane citizen can decide because it should be painfully obvious now – the orange clown is not fit for office! He’s not even fit to be the night manager at a Baskin Robbins!

Kenneth Bone is the same person on Friday as he was on Sunday: a 34-year-old, politically ambiguous, white Midwesterner who is suddenly a figure of widespread interest thanks to his mild, be-sweatered appearance during a unpalatable political event. But as a meme, Kenneth Bone has changed quite a bit.

Sunday is when Kenneth Bone the person gave way to Kenneth Bone the meme. At first he was an American Hero, and even described himself as a “huggable, likable guy in the middle of a really nasty and divisive debate.” But then overnight on Thursday, things changed.

Bone agreed to do a Reddit Ask me Anything — as a newly famous human meme does — using his real Reddit handle. This allowed anybody to simply click through and read his entire history as an anonymous Reddit user. And now that we’ve learned more about the man, Kenneth Bone (the meme) is no longer a Hero. Now, Kenneth Bone is Bad, according to several articles about his Reddit comments.

Yeah so what did Ken Bone say under his moniker that pissed people off?

But the Reddit AMA he hosted was the beginning of the end for Ken Bone, the endearing character and the beginning of Ken Bone, the slightly creepy.

Here's the problem:

Bone used his existing Reddit account name, StanGibson18, to host the AMA. Once his screen name was out there, Redditors started digging up the dirt.

To be brief, Bone admitted to insurance fraud, looking at porn and had questionable comments on the Trayvon Martin and George Zimmerman case.

Halloween Costumes

Spin that shit one last time this week! And it lands on…. No whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy stop! Clip without context!

Spin it again! And it lands on – wait for it – Halloween! Let’s get some appropriate music, shall we?

Halloween. That one day of the year when you wear a lizard costume when you drop your kid off at school to impress your kid. Then you go to work wearing said lizard costume, and you realize everyone is wearing suits during that big investor presentation, and you’re the only one wearing a lizard costume. Good job! What are the investors going to think now? So let’s lighten things up and talk about Halloween costumes, shall we? Especially that of the politically charged variety. Since the clusterfuck of the 2016 election comes to a close like the week after Halloween when everyone will still be recovering from that Halloween-induced hangover. So you could go as Supergirl, but a certain high profile celebrity has a problem with that.

Miley Cyrus has always used her fame as a musician and actress to talk about a wide variety of topics, and this week she decided to talk a little bit about her ideas on gender and how gender relates to inequality in Hollywood. However, she may have bit off more than she can chew when she tried to explain why Supergirl shouldn't be called Supergirl. Here's what Miley Cyrus had to say.

For example, there's a show called Supergirl. I think having a show with a gender attached to it is weird. One, it's a woman on that fucking billboard - it's not a little girl. Two, what if you're a little boy who wants to be a girl so bad that this makes you feel bad? I think having a title like Supergirl doesn't give the power that people think it does.

Supergirl has faced some challenges ever since it first started airing last season. The drama is the only female-led superhero series on television right now, and it has faced criticism from some audiences because it has told stories from a female perspective. Its first season also faced challenges when it didn't do quite well enough on CBS to justify its large budget, and it was subsequently shipped off to the CW, whereupon Supergirl was forced to switch locations and downsize. The fact that Supergirl's gender is mentioned in its title is the least of the show's problems, as it is working to rebuilt its universe on a brand new network. But Miley Cyrus is entitled to her opinion, and she spent a considerable amount of time sharing it in an interview with Variety. Miley being Miley, amiright?

Seriously… WTF did I just read? There’s no trying to justify Miley’s logic, or complete lack thereof. I mean what’s wrong with Supergirl? It’s the highest rated show on the CW! Which is only a 1/10th the ratings of what an actual network brings! And the word “girl” is in the title.

And by the way, Ms. Cyrus got smacked down by the CW boss:

“It’s based on a pre-existing property that’s called Supergirl, so we never had any intention of calling it something other than that,” said Kreisberg. “I think we worked hard, especially in the early part of season 1 to address the discrepancy. We actually had a scene about Kara herself lamenting, ‘Why aren’t I called Superwoman?’ and had Cat with her great rejoinder about how the word ‘girl’ in and of itself is not offensive. We continue to be proud of this show, we continue to be proud of Melissa and the character she represents and the hero that she represents. We stand by the show.”

Or you could go as Melania Trump being groped by Donald Trump. Can we show that costume before we tell the story?

Jemima Goldsmith paid homage to embattled Republican leader Donald Trump on Tuesday evening, but it certainly wasn’t the tribute he might have hoped for.

The associate editor of the New Statesman magazine attended Unicef's annual Halloween Ball dressed as Melania Trump, complete with a plastic version of her husband strapped to her back.

Or you could dress as something wildly offensive. But the University of Florida (obviously) won’t have any of it………. Because……………… wait for it………… religion.

Certain Halloween costumes related to race, religion or culture are often deemed offensive. Now, the University of Florida is offering counseling to students who have been troubled by such costumes.

The university sent out a memo to students urging them to make appropriate costume choices for the upcoming holiday. It has also asked students to report incidents of bias to the university’s support team.

“Some Halloween costumes reinforce stereotypes of particular races, genders, cultures, or religions. Regardless of intent, these costumes can perpetuate negative stereotypes, causing harm and offense to groups of people,” the university said in the memo earlier this week. “Also, keep in mind that social media posts can have a long-term impact on your personal and professional reputation.”

Yeah that’s exactly why you don’t wear the lizard costume to a board meeting, dumbass!

Or you could dress as the groper himself and give an added third dimension to the above costume! Just be sure you have a female who is willing to participate in the group costume!

Spirit is a South Jersey-based novelty retailer with 1,200 seasonal stores scattered across the country.

“Our Cry Baby Trump mask was in the lead, with the #HBIC Hillary mask a close second, just one point behind,” said spokeswoman Trisha Lombardo. The latex likenesses sell for $12.99 each.

More striking numbers were posted by Rubie's Costume Co. of New York City, which bills itself as the world's largest manufacturer and supplier of Halloween costumes.

And by the way in case you were wondering, why yes a sexy Donald Trump costume does exist:

Donald Trump. With cleavage.

Welcome to Halloween 2016.

And judging by these harrowing costumes, it’s going to be the scariest year yet.

Let’s be clear: There’s nothing new about Trump outfits. That douchey mop is on sale all year round.

And Now This:

Ladies and gentlemen, playing her song “Ghost” from her album “Badlands”, available everywhere music is sold, please welcome Halsey!

Yeah how about that?

See you next week!

Puscifer's "The Arsonist" Video Takes A Stab At Donald Trump

With only 22 days left until the election, we’re into the home stretch. While it’s been fun to watch Donald Trump begin to implode over the past couple of weeks, the shocking truth is that he’s still only polling seven points lower than Hillary Clinton, meaning he’s drawing way too many voters considering how fucking nuts he is.

Maynard James Keenan wants to change that. In the new video for his group Puscifer’s track “The Arsonist,” the group takes on a raging cartoon Trumpzilla, all in the name of saving the human race. As Keenan told The A.V. Club, “sometimes you grab the Puscifer. Sometimes the Puscifer grabs you.”


"Maynard James Keenan is a stupid loser, OK? It's all part of a media conspiracy to rig the election against me!"

Jamie Lee Curtis Spoke To Lindsay Lohan About Her Being The Subject Of A Creepy Trump Interview

Jamie Lee Curtis says Lindsay Lohan is "doing very well" after being the subject of sexually demeaning comments made by Donald Trump in a recently-unearthed 2004 interview with Howard Stern.

Curtis -- who took the Republican presidential nominee to task on Instagram on Friday for his "gross, lecherous, lewd commentary" -- said she's spoken with her Freaky Friday co-star, who was "grateful" for Curtis speaking out.

"It was incredibly disturbing to hear someone that is up for the of the United States talking about a teenage girl in the way that he did," the 57-year-old Golden Globe winner told ET's Lauren Zima at the Children's Hospital Los Angeles Once Upon a Time Gala on Saturday. "It was disgusting and she deserves people's support."

In a 12-year-old interview with Stern, Trump speculated about Lohan, then 18, saying that the actress was "probably deeply troubled and therefore great in bed."

"How dare anyone, let alone a man in that position, make comments like that when clearly she was having difficulties in her life," Curtis added, referring to Lohan's string of high-profile run-ins with the law over the course of several years.


Could that guy be any more revolting?

John Oliver Breaks Down The Platforms Offered By The Alternative Candidates In The Election

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #45: Donald T & The Women Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #45: Donald T & The Women Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Remember we like our political commentary the way Tom Brady likes his footballs – slightly over inflated enough that they pass the test, but not so overinflated that it would constitute as cheating. Hey o!!! We are back people! And man has it been a gold mine for Donald Trump news this week. I mean you had the debates where he threatened to throw Hillary Clinton in jail, and this whole thing with Billy Bush from Access Hollywood getting suspended indefinitely over comments he made 10 years ago with Donald Trump coming back to bite him in the ass. And he’s fighting back – which unfortunately that was coming as we were putting together this week’ But my favorite thing recently has been Alec Baldwin as Donald Trump on SNL. I mean seriously Alec Baldwin is awesome, and he has Donald Trump’s mannerisms down to a science. The debut sketch on SNL last week was great, and he does it again this week. Can we show that?

So where do we begin this week? Well this week the top 5 slots are all going to go to possible future president Donald J. Trump. In the first slot we’re going to talk about Trumpenfuror’s repore with women – and it’s nothing to brag about. In the second slot – we’re going to talk about a celebrity beef between a very vocal liberal celebrity – Robert DeNiro, and a very vocal evangelical celebrity – Jon Voight over some controversial remarks that the latter made about Donald Trump. Who wins? In slot number 3, we’re going to talk about what exactly “locker room talk” is, and in the fourth slot we’re going to talk about the GOP abandoning the sinking ship that is the Donald Trump presidential campaign. Taking the 5th slot we’re going to have a debate recap. This thing was almost as complete of a shit show as the first debate was. At number 6, we’re going to say goodbye to the creepiest reporter in TV news history and that’s Access Hollywood’s Billy Bush (6). At number 7, we’re going to ask – how is this still a thing? And that thing? Constitutional literalism. It seems that the Bundy Bunch aren’t the only batshit crazy constitutional loyalists plotting an overthrow of the government! Taking the 8th seed, we’re going to take a dip in the international conservative idiots file and head to Chechnya, where president Ramzan Kadyrov (8) won in a 97% landslide (+3% margin of error ) and has been getting into MMA and plans to start his own reality show. See Kadyrov is what we’re going to get if we elect Donald Trump, folks! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot, last week we discussed batshit crazy libertarian candidate Gary Johnson. This week we’re going to discuss batshit crazy Green Party candidate Jill Stein. Jill Stein got a ringing endorsement (?) from Ron Paul, who surfaced from his troll cave in Kentucky to possible endorse the Green Party candidate over the Libertarian candidate. And finally this week, we’re going to discuss one of my favorite subjects in the news currently – creepy clowns! I know what you’re thinking – “But Initech, we already covered creepy clowns in Idiots #41”. *Donald Trump face* *sniff* WRONG!!!! You're wrong!!! You're stupid, losers! Well you’re right, but they’re back and appearing all over the country. And real clowns are fighting back against the negative images they’re getting in the press. You can’t make this shit up, folks! Also, because you’re nice for listening to my schtick for the next hour or so, I’m going to give you something. How about some live music from Alter Bridge? For the last time, no, they’re not Creed. They have an amazing new album out called “The Last Hero” and they will be stopping by the show to play something from it if you kids play your cards right. That means no shouting or reaching across the dinner table, and don’t make me turn this show around!!! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

Donald Trump

Before we begin, we have to talk about Jack White’s Third Man Records. So you know the Donald Trump campaign was under fire for using the White Stripes’ “Seven Nation Army” at Trump rallies without Jack White’s permission, right? So this is how Third Man retaliated:

Third Man is selling the shirt for $25 on its website. On the back of the shirt, the lyrics read:

"White Americans? What? Nothing better to do? Why don't you kick yourself out? You're an immigrant too. Who's using who? What should we do? Well, you can't be a pimp And a prostitute too."

White released a statement via the White Stripes; Facebook page on the alleged illegal use.

Can we show that?


So let me explain where the name of this edition comes from – it comes from the 2001 Richard Gere gynecology flick “Dr. T & The Women”. Which is about as real as actually being a gynecologist gets folks!

Now Donald T & The Women – totally different story! In fact take that movie Dr. T & The Women and replace Richard Gere with Donald Trump and you have turned a romantic comedy into a horror movie! Let’s explain:

(CNN)Donald Trump bragged about trying to have sex with a married woman and being able to grope women in previously unaired footage from 2005 that surfaced on Friday.

Trump is heard discussing women in vulgar terms during off-camera banter during the taping of a segment for "Access Hollywood," footage which was obtained by The Washington Post.

Trump dismissed the comments as "locker room banter" in a statement released by his campaign and sought to immediately deflect criticism onto the husband of his opponent Hillary Clinton.

The comments immediately raised the stakes for Sunday's highly anticipated debate between Trump and Clinton. The Democratic nominee has spent months portraying Trump as demeaning toward women and the emergence of the remarks could hand her -- and viewers in the town hall audience -- more evidence to make that point.


Dude, Donald! When you’re in a hole, stop digging! Shut the fuck up!

Seriously Donald, stop talking! Every single thing you say is worse than the thing that preceded it. In fact for a normal human being – someone with empathy, which Donald Trump severely lacks, the only way to say horrible things at that rate would be to read Limp Bizkit lyrics in the style of Bane from the Dark Knight Rises. You know what? Let’s try a few!

“Give me something to break…. But only one of you has the trigger!!!”
“My generation motherfuckers…. That’s why I’m crashing this plane with no survivors!”

See? See how everything I said was worse? Well it’s not getting better for Trumpenfuror:

Republicans are horrified and shocked by the leaked audio in which Donald Trump brags about sexual assault and says his celebrity lets him do whatever he likes with women.

The many women whom Trump has reduced to their looks and sex appeal over the years — 61, according to our count — probably aren’t surprised. It’s a long, damning list, and it’s only getting longer.

Holy shit!!!! I mean seriously holy shit!!!

Is he going to share a cell with Bill Cosby? What? But we’re still not done here! Oh no!

Civil rights lawyer Gloria Allred said this week that women have begun contacting her with allegations that they were sexually harassed or abused by Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump.

After news broke over the weekend that Trump had bragged about groping women on a leaked 2005 video, Allred confirmed to Gothamist on Monday that she had been “contacted by women who allege inappropriate contact by Mr. Trump.”

“If there is an unwanted or unconsented to touching of a person’s intimate parts such as the genital areas or a woman’s breasts, that could constitute a sexual assault or a sexual battery,” Allred said. “I am disgusted by what Donald Trump said and admitted that he had done on that video. An apology is not enough.”

So holy fuck, Donald Trump is in some deep shit here. I mean just look at the potential that this has once all has been unearthed!

In that audio, Trump discusses a failed attempt to seduce a woman, whose full name is not given in the video.

“I moved on her and I failed. I’ll admit it,” Trump is heard saying. It was unclear when the events he was describing took place. The tape was recorded several months after he married his third wife, Melania.

“Whoa,” another voice said.

“I did try and f--- her. She was married,” Trump says.

Holy shit! Seriously Donald, stop talking. I mean shut the fuck up!

But you know who Donald once got a ringing endorsement from? Jerry Falwell Jr! Yes the evangelicals support and love this guy! I mean what would Jesus do, folks?

This is the same Donald Trump who has been thrice married, who has lusted after his own daughter, who boasts of screwing other people over, who chases the almighty dollar over all else. Remember what Jesus did to that crowd at the temple? Remember what he said about rich people, camels, and the eye of a needle? And we all know Jesus was about excluding and demonizing people, right?

This is the same Trump who pathetically tried to speak Evangelical and failed, as Tom DeLay (remember him?) pointed out:

In an attempt to patronize the religious crowd, Trump cited a scripture containing the word "liberty." There was a smattering of laughter when he cited "Two Corinthians 3:17" at the Bible-based school where most pronounce it "Second Corinthians."

This is the same Trump who fails one of the most basic Christian tests—humility and lack of pride. Satan has nothing on Trump when it comes to pride. Catholics consider that one of the seven deadly sins (along with lust and greed … and anger). Evangelicals will point to Is. 14:11-15, James 4:6, and Prov. 16:18. And can anyone pretend that Trump actually goes to church?

Yeah that is a good question – does Donald Trump go to church? In fact he’s exposed the religious right for the hypocrites that they are! Bravo, well done!

(CNN)The second presidential debate was overshadowed this weekend by the release of a 2005 videotape in which Donald Trump bragged about being famous enough to get away with sexual assault. Pressed by moderator Anderson Cooper during the debate, Trump said he was not proud of his words, but dismissed them as "locker room talk" before trying to pivot to a discussion of ISIS.
While many Republican Party insiders have calculated that it's too late to get off the Trump train, a line-up of so-called "Christian conservatives" -- a crucial base of support for Trump in every national poll -- stepped forward this weekend to say they can no longer support candidate Trump. "I cannot commend Trump's moral character," evangelical theologian Wayne Grudem wrote, withdrawing his endorsement of the Republican candidate.

Donald Trump

So you want to know the really fucked up thing about this? You know who’s not on Donald Trump’s side? If you guessed that a serial groper himself – Arnold Schwarzenegger has withdrawn support of Trumpenfuror, you know you’ve fucked up!

Former California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger joined a chorus of Republicans who announced Saturday they will not support Donald Trump for president.

Schwarzenegger, who took over for Trump this year as host of NBC's "The Apprentice," said it will be the first time since becoming a citizen in 1983 that he will not vote for the GOP nominee. He did not indicate for whom he would vote in November.

The action film star, who did not mention Trump's lewd comments about women, faced criticism over his own alleged sexually aggressive behavior during the 2003 recall election to become California's governor.

Yes that’s former California governor and serial womanizer Arnold Schwarzenegger denouncing serial womanizer Donald Trump.

But on the plus side, one of my favorite actors - Robert DeNiro - has some strong words for Trumpenfuror:

“He's a punk, he's a dog, he's a pig': Actor Robert DeNiro lets fly at Donald Trump
Nothing has been going right for the Trump presidential campaign.

Following the release of a video showing Donald Trump making comments about sexually assaulting women, the Republican nominee's campaign seems to have come apart. His comments were also criticised by his wife Melanie Trump and top leaders in his party too have withdrawn support.

An advertisement campaign to encourage Americans to vote asked celebrities to talk about what they were passionate about. Robert DeNiro, known for films such as Taxi Driver and Goodfellas could not hide his feeling and went on a minute-long rant about Trump.

I mean he's so blatantly stupid. He's a punk, he's a dog, he's a pig, he's a con, a bullshit artist, a mutt who doesn't know what he's talking about, doesn't do his homework, doesn't care, thinks he's gaming society, doesn't pay his taxes. He's an idiot. Colin Powell said it best: He's a national disaster. He's an embarrassment to this country. It makes me so angry that this country has gotten to this point that this fool, this bozo, has wound up where he has. He talks how he wants to punch people in the face? Well, I'd like to punch him in the face. This is somebody that we want for president? I don't think so.

But guess who fired back? You might guess that evangelical actors are fighting back. And I answer you good sir / madam – why yes they are! Jon Voight, who was the star of the recent Values Voters Conference, fired back!

Academy Award-winning actor Jon Voight took to social media Saturday to defend Republican candidate Donald Trump's controversial remarks about women and criticize fellow movie star Robert De Niro for making disparaging remarks about the real estate mogul.

"Midnight Cowboy" star Voight, who has supported several Republican politicians over the years, said on Twitter that Trump's remarks to "Access Hollywood" host Billy Bush in 2005 "were not as damaging as Robert DeNiro’s ugly rant. Trump’s words did not hurt anyone."

Voight also said of the recorded comments, which were first disclosed by The Washington Post Friday, "I don’t know of too many men who haven’t expressed some sort of similar sexual terms toward women, especially in their younger years."

De Niro lashed out at Trump in a video released Friday as part of a get-out-the-vote project. In it, the "Raging Bull" star said of Trump, "he's a punk, he's a dog, he's a pig, he's a con, a bulls--- artist, a mutt who doesn't know what he's talking about."

And Robert DeNiro probably could take Donald Trump down with one punch! I mean did anyone see Raging Bull?

And of course DeNiro fired back at Voight for being “delusional”! You know remember when Donald Trump said he would say great things about people? Will he say anything great about Jon Voight?

“I don’t know of too many men who haven’t expressed some sort of similar sexual terms toward women, especially in their younger years,” said Voight, going on to call on Trump supporters to express their “outrage and anger” at De Niro and “all of the Republican turncoats”. Voight has long been an outspoken supporter of the Republican party.

De Niro responded to Voight’s comments, saying: “Voight is a nice guy, but he’s delusional,” according to UAE newspaper the Khaleej Times, before continuing to attack Trump.

“The Republican party has rationalised that his guy is sane, that this guy should be president,” he said. “It’s awful, they will self-destruct.”

De Niro urged Americans to vote on 8 November in order to prevent Trump from winning.

“They have to vote, they must vote, it’s imperative that you vote, it’s a very serious situation,” he said.

Donald Trump

Before we go any further down the wormhole on all the Trump sexual assault comments this week, anyone remember the cute Donald Trump cheerleaders from a few months ago?

Can you guessed he stiffed them on pay? Gee, I’m shocked, shocked I tell you!

The founder of viral pro-Trump tween singing group “USA Freedom Kids” now plans to sue the Republican presidential campaign for violating various unwritten agreements. The tween cheerleaders first achieved national fame after performing their song “Freedom’s Call”—with lyrics like “Deal from strength or get crushed!”—at Trump’s January rally in Pensacola, Florida. The group’s founder, Jeff Popick, father to the youngest member, claims it was at that rally that the campaign broke its promise for compensation; only to once again break financial and logistic promises at another rally at which they were scheduled to appear. “This is not a billion-dollar lawsuit,” Popick told the Washington Post. “I’m not looking to do battle with the Trump campaign, but I have to show my girls that this is the right thing.”

So if he treated a bunch of innocent kids this way, imagine how he treats adult women! I mean just look at what happened with this CNN reporter!

Yup! And why does it matter how Donald Trump treats women? This is getting scarier and scarier. Donald Trump actually bragged about walking in on Miss Teen USA pageant contestants changing in the locker room, and his excuse? Oh it’s nothing I haven’t seen before! Which makes us wonder how many times he’s walked in on Ivanka?

Donald Trump has been caught out boasting about how he was the only man allowed backstage to 'inspect' naked women at the Miss USA pageant because he owned it.

The Republican nominee bragged about the extra power he had during an interview with Howard Stern in April 2005, the tapes of which have been released by CNN.

'I’ll tell you the funniest is that I’ll go backstage before a show and everyone’s getting dressed,' Trump said about the pageant.

I mean you know how they’re trying to justify this? Oh it’s just locker room talk!

Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump dismissed vulgar comments he made about women in 2005 as "locker room talk," but he fired a contestant from "The Celebrity Apprentice" for engaging in "locker room" talk.

"The Daily Show" unearthed a 2010 clip of Trump firing Illinois native Maria Kanellis-Bennett from the NBC competition. Kanellis-Bennett, a professional wrestler, accused fellow contestant Curtis Stone, a celebrity chef, of using her dressing room and leaving behind a foul smell.

Trump called the comment "below the belt" and disgusting, before declaring, "This is my boardroom. It's not a locker room. Maria, you're fired."

The Washington Post on Friday published 2005 audio of Trump boasting about how his celebrity status allowed him to sexually assault women without consequence. He dismissed these comments as "locker room talk" during Sunday's presidential debate.

Just locker room talk? I mean who does this guy think he is? Sean Connery as James Bond in Goldfinger?

But what is “locker room talk”? Let’s let an expert explain!

Thanks to Donald Trump, the term “locker-room talk” suddenly is widely discussed. It is a pretty broad term; I’ve heard athletes in locker rooms deeply engrossed in conversations on their municipal bond portfolios and what to feed their cats and, of course, traffic.

Trump was recorded talking about forcibly kissing and groping women, and after an uproar, he chalked it up to “locker-room talk.”

The episode raised the question of how common such extreme talk is in locker rooms.

Yet I would say that while I have heard distasteful boasting and crude talk about the attributes of a recent date or a new girlfriend — wives never seem to come up — I’ve never heard anything that could be described as an assault, or any crime. Not even close.

And what exactly do athletes think about “locker room talk”?

“There are conversations that we have amongst men but it’s never in that tone. It’s never as insensitive as that tone was,” Jones said.

Across the country, athletes and coaches from professional sports leagues had similar reactions.

“There’s players in our locker room with sisters, wives, and daughters. There’s not that type of talk in anyone’s locker room,” Los Angeles Clippers head coach Doc Rivers said.

“I’ll have my son in here, CP. Guys have their kids in here. So this is probably more of a family environment than any locker room,” Clippers’ Blake Griffin said.

“There’s no excuse to talk that way about women, to women, to other people,” Detroit Lions wide receiver Golden Tate said.

Donald Trump

Yes, abandon ship!!! That’s exactly what the GOP is doing in the wake of the latest Donald Trump led disaster. Can’t wait to see what next week’s will bring! To start with, I bet you couldn’t guess Donald Trump stage prop Chris Christie is sticking with Trump, right?

Washington (CNN)One of Donald Trump's closest advisers was a no-show at his debate Sunday night, and now we have a clearer understanding of why.
New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie revealed Tuesday morning that he was not happy with the way Trump responded after tape of his 2005 lewd and sexually aggressive comments broke Friday night.

But even Christie himself couldn’t defend Trumpenfuror’s comments! The level of hypocrisy is too damn high!

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, one of Donald Trump’s staunchest advocates, denounced the Republican presidential candidate’s lewd comments about women in a leaked 2005 tape, saying he was with Trump when the video surfaced.

“Let’s be really clear. It is completely indefensible,” Christie told Craig Carton on WFAN this morning when asked about the comments. “I won’t defend it and haven’t defended it. That kind of talk and conversation, even in private, is just unacceptable.”

While co-hosting WFAN’s “Boomer and Carton Show” in New York City this morning, Christie weighed in on the hot-mic conversation between Trump and Billy Bush, at the time a host of “Access Hollywood.” In the recording, Trump is heard talking about how he tried to have an affair with a married woman and how he makes moves on women, which some critics have labeled sexual assault.

How about Paul Ryan? Is he sticking by Trump or jumping ship?

House Speaker Paul Ryan dealt his own party's presidential nominee a withering blow Monday, telling fellow Republicans he will no longer defend Donald Trump and will instead use the next 29 days to focus on preserving his party's hold on Congress.

"The speaker is going to spend the next month focused entirely on protecting our congressional majorities," Ryan's spokeswoman, AshLee Strong, said in a statement.

The move -- highly unusual in US political history -- laid bare the seemingly intractable divisions now seizing the Republican Party with a month left before the presidential vote. Support for Trump among the GOP establishment, already weak amid disagreements over policy and tone, has now eroded to new lows.

Or how about Glenn Beck? Surely the GOP’s most insane conspiracy theorist can forgive Trumpenfuror can’t he?

The outspoken opponent of the GOP's presidential nominee wrote on Facebook over the weekend that every voter had to decide for themselves what constitutes "a bridge too far," after the release of footage last week in which Trump can be heard making lewd and sexually aggressive comments about women.
"It is not acceptable to ask a moral, dignified man to cast his vote to help elect an immoral man who is absent decency or dignity," Beck wrote on Facebook in reference to Trump. "If the consequence of standing against Trump and for principles is indeed the election of Hillary Clinton, so be it. At least it is a moral, ethical choice."
. . . .

Read more: http://www.cnn.com/2016/10/11/politics/glenn-beck-hillary-clinton-moral-ethical-choice/index.html



Or how about the GOP head Rince Priebus?

Donald Trump bragged in vulgar terms about kissing, groping and trying to have sex with women during a 2005 conversation caught on a hot microphone, saying that “when you’re a star, they let you do it,” according to a video obtained by The Washington Post.

The video captures Trump talking with Billy Bush, then of “Access Hollywood,” on a bus with the show’s name written across the side. They were arriving on the set of “Days of Our Lives” to tape a segment about Trump’s cameo on the soap opera.

Late Friday night, following sharp criticism by Republican leaders, Trump issued a short video statement saying, “I said it, I was wrong, and I apologize.” But he also called the revelation “a distraction from the issues we are facing today.” He said that his “foolish” words are much different than the words and actions of Bill Clinton, whom he accused of abusing women, and Hillary Clinton, whom he accused of having “bullied, attacked, shamed and intimidated his victims.”

And by the way, Donald Trump is not taking this abandoning of the ship sitting down, folks! He’s pissed as hell! Maybe he can get Meatloaf and Gary Busey on this!

WASHINGTON — Donald Trump all but declared war on the Republican establishment Tuesday, blasting House Speaker Paul Ryan for his criticism and vowing to campaign as he sees fit.
"it is so nice that the shackles have been taken off me and I can now fight for America the way I want to," Trump said during a morning tweet storm that targeted Ryan and other Republicans.
Later, the Republican presidential nominee tweeted: "Disloyal R's are far more difficult than Crooked Hillary. They come at you from all sides. They don’t know how to win — I will teach them!"

But at least it’s known that he has the side of Alex Jones and Infowars, because Alex Jones surfaced from his troll cave to say this:


There are some posts so strange you don’t quite know how to write them. This is one of those posts.

Alex Jones is a crackpot radio host who traffics in bizarre conspiracy theories. He is also very popular, and weirdly close to Donald Trump. Trump has tweeted links to Jones’s site Infowars; he has echoed conspiracy theories that originated on Jones’s site (like the idea that California has no drought, and the problem is being manufactured by environmental regulators trying to save an endangered fish); and he has been a guest on Jones’s show, where he told Jones that “you have an amazing reputation.”

And it’s not just Trump. Trump’s close adviser Roger Stone is a close friend of Jones’s and a frequent guest on his show. It’s plausible that Stone is the conduit through which Jones’s mania typically reaches Trump.

And yes there is tape of this. Watch if you dare:

Donald Trump

We do need to talk briefly about the debates in this entry. The second debate was a complete shit show. Almost as worst as the first. So here’s a few takeaways from the second debate.

1). The Elephant In the Room Topped the Show

Donald Trump had the worst weekend of his campaign, and perhaps the worst weekend of any presidential campaign ever. A flood of Republican members of Congress broke from the nominee saying that he should drop out or that they wouldn't vote for him after video surfaced from 2005 of Trump making obscene comments about how he treated women.

2). Clinton Tries to Connect All the Dots

Clinton also used the leaked video as further proof that Trump will only divide the country and is not fit to be president.

"It's not only women and it's not only this video that raises questions about his fitness to be president," Clinton said, listing a litany of instances that Trump has denigrated others.

No… no need to abandon ship yet. But what was the lowest point of the whole shindig? Yes, I said shindig. What are you going to do? Fight me about it?

There was Donald Trump calling Hillary Clinton the “devil,” a person filled with “tremendous hatred” whom he would jail if he were president. There was Clinton’s icy nod at Trump upon their greeting—no handshake—and her almost immediately declaring Trump “unfit to serve.” Discussions about policy frequently vacillated into personal attacks. And at the end of the night, when an audience member asked each candidate to say something nice about the other, they hardly hid their reluctance.

So: Was this the nastiest, lowest moment in presidential debate history? And what does it matter to the state of the race? We asked some of the savviest political watchers and operatives to talk us through what we just witnessed—“incomprehensibly demoralizing,” “a grim, tawdry affair,” and “surreal, bizarre and often entertaining” were some of their responses—and game out what it means for this highly unusual election. Here’s what they had to say.

But here’s my favorite part of this whole thing. Sure, you can point fingers at Trump or make fun of him humping the chair:

But the real takeaway? Nobody cared! In fact the movie trailers that aired during the commercial breaks got higher ratings! I mean come on, the 2016 election is a category 5 shit storm, folks, and you’re more interested in seeing the trailer for Dr. Strange? Come on!

Movie studios have been spending more on TV ads during the presidential debates than any other industry.

For the first two debates in which Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump faced off, the film industry was the top spender on the top four networks, according to iSpot.tv, which tracks TV advertising in real time.

Of course, the debates themselves are commercial free, but movie studios paid more to run their TV ads during pre- and post-debate coverage on ABC, NBC, CBS and Fox than did car companies, such as top spender Audi.

Billy Bush

Billy Bush. He’s that creepy kid in your high school class who spent all his free time masturbating to the porno mags he stole from his dad while bragging about how he could sneak into the girls’ locker room undetected. Um no you can't. So John Oliver said goodbye to Billy Bush in the most John Oliver way possible:

Yes Billy Bush is not only the creepiest guy imaginable, he has had an extremely creepy “bromance” if you will with Trumpenfuror. So here’s what happened in the wake of the “Locker Room Talk” scandal:

Billy Bush, a host on the “Today” show who has received stinging criticism for his role in a video with Donald J. Trump, has been suspended by NBC.

The NBC executive in charge of “Today,” Noah Oppenheim, wrote in a memo to his staff members on Sunday that “we’ve all been deeply troubled by the revelations of the past 48 hours.”

“Let me be clear — there is simply no excuse for Billy’s language and behavior on that tape,” he said. “NBC has decided to suspend Billy, pending further review of this matter.”

And that’s not all – he apparently bragged about that encounter with Trump for years behind the scenes at the Today show!

Billy Bush brazenly bragged to NBC staff about the vulgar Donald Trump tape while covering the Olympics in Rio, multiple sources tell Page Six.

Proving the infamous Ryan Lochte interview wasn’t Bush’s only Rio recklessness, the shamed “Today” host boasted at a party in August that he had a “tape of Trump being a real dog,” prompting staffers at “Access Hollywood” to track it down.

Bush never told NBC News brass about the tape when he joined “Today,” and they’re not happy about it. “Billy was bragging about the tape to other NBC staff while in Rio. If he knew about the tape, and remembered the full extent of such an explosive conversation with a presidential candidate and didn’t disclose that to NBC News, that is a very, very serious problem,” the insider said, adding it could violate the “morality clause” in his contract.

But there’s more! Apparently his cohost is in “tears” over his comments. Wait – Billy Bush is a total creepo creep! We might need the Sad Hulk Music for this:

Kit Hoover got emotional during Access Hollywood Live Monday morning.

The co-host talked about her former colleague Billy Bush and started to tear up while talking to Natalie Morales about the leaked tapes that showed him and Donald Trump making lewd comments about women. She began the show by explaining how shocked and "devastated" she was about the news that broke Friday.

"He was always in my corner," Hoover said. "I was just devastated to watch all this unfold because the Billy that I know—and that a lot of people would say—has the biggest heart of anybody, and he is a good person."

Morales echoed Hoover's sentiments, explaining that Bush was there for her as soon as he found out the news that she would be taking his spot.

And of course cue the Today Show’s PR response:

The Today show was missing a face on Monday morning.

Billy Bush, 44, was absent from the NBC morning show after the program suspended him indefinitely pending "further review" of his involvement with Donald Trump in a 2005 videotape in which the GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump, egged on by Bush, graphically discussed groping women.

The show briefly addressed their anchor's involvement in one of the biggest news stories of the election during their coverage of Sunday's second presidential debate between Trump and Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton, though the coverage did not overtly reference Bush at first. The tape itself was a major part of the night's debate topics.

Constitutional Literalists

Time once again to ask:

Constitutional literalism. How is this still a thing? Remember back when the Bundy Bunch first took over the Malheur Wildlife Sanctuary and started carrying around pocket size versions of the US Constitution because… reasons?

Well it appears that the Bundy Bunch weren’t the only ones plotting insane overthrows of the government to restore constitutional literalism. Check out this Georgia man who was interviewed on NPR recently.

Jimmy Arno and his wife Dani live in Lawrenceville, Georgia, and both say they’re deeply concerned about the direction the United States has been taking in recent years. So Jimmy decided to talk to an NPR reporter and declare that should Hillary Clinton be elected President in November, a second civil war may be necessary:
“Should martial law, civil war — whatever — break out in this country, they will uphold the Constitution and rebuild our loss. The war that’s going to break out if Hillary Clinton’s elected, if that happens. Your patriots are going to overthrow the government.”

Dani said she’s still very upset about a Black Lives Matter protest that was held at the local high school recently. And Jimmy says he cannot for the life of him understand why black people get so upset when they see the Confederate flag being displayed. He also painted a grim picture of what life in the United States is like, in his own twisted opinion:

“If you go to a movie theater, you’re liable to get shot, you go to a mall, you’re liable to get shot. If you go to Atlanta or a major city, you’re liable to be shot or attacked.”


So to extrapolate, Mr. Arno advocates people carrying guns to protect themselves from getting shot by other people carrying guns. Right. But constitutional literalists are just like religious literalists. They don’t know that of which they speak. Much like Lloyd Christmas in Dumb & Dumber.

In 1802, Thomas Jefferson wrote a letter to the Danbury Baptists, claiming that the Bill of Rights’ First Amendment establishes a “wall of separation” that divides church and state. As the First Amendment put it, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.”

Yet contemporary American politics is infused with religion — in particular, with Christianity. The president is sworn in on a Bible, and it’s almost unthinkable that she or he could be openly atheistic and claim that God is a fiction and morality comes from something other than the supernatural. Even more, Scripture is often used by politicians, pundits and everyday Americans to justify their political beliefs.

For example, Rep. John Shimkus, R-Ill., famously dismissed climate change in 2009 by citing verses in Genesis and Matthew and saying that “the Earth will end only when God declares it’s time to be over. Man will not destroy this Earth — this Earth will not be destroyed by a flood.”

That’s right – a senator was able to dismiss climate change by quoting the book of Genesis. You know the book that gave us this gaudy monstrosity in Kentucky:

So constitutional literalists and biblical literalists do not know of which they speak. You know what the end result of that if you were to get a ven diagram going between the two? People like batshit crazy Christian conspiracy theorist Theodore Shoebat, who are actively blaming Hurricane Matthew on gay marriage. Yes in 2016. How is that still a thing by the way? :

Andrew Bieszad, a contributor to Shoebat.com, a popular anti-gay, Christian extremist website, explains that God is sending the hurricane as “a sign of His anger” against America for tolerating homosexuality. The Bible clearly teaches that in the Old Testament whenever the Hebrews were very disobedient towards God, He would send punishments against them, many times in the forms of natural disasters. Christian history also recognizes the same, where God will use His creation to execute judgment against the wicked. While not all bad weather is necessarily a sign of sin, both sacred scripture and sacred tradition clearly note that it can be so. Now we know that Florida is an area that is infected with sin, especially cities such as Miami and Orlando, which are veritable dens of sodomy.

And while Bieszad and others are blaming the gays for Hurricane Mathew, other Christian extremists blame abortion and Hillary Clinton for the storm.


Or Pro Donald Trump supporters who want to overthrow the government:

Charles Kesler, a professor of government at Claremont McKenna College and the editor of the Claremont Review of Books, wrote in the spring issue of the journal that America may be facing “the Weimar problem”: “Has the national culture, popular and elite, deteriorated so much that the virtues necessary to sustain republican government are no longer viable? America is not there yet, although when 40% of children are born out of wedlock it is not too early to wonder.” It’s no accident that this question is raised in an essay making case that Donald Trump isn’t as terrible as mainstream conservatives like William Kristol fear he is. If you live in the Weimar Republic, Kesler implicitly argues, a figure like Trump could come as a relief.

And in case you’re wondering where this is leading, what the ultimate end game of the constitutional literalist is, according to real life Jabba The Hutt, Maine governor Paul Le Page – the original person who somehow got elected, we need some fascism in our lives. Because… fuck freedom!

Maine Gov. Paul LePage (R) praised Donald Trump as a leader who would "show some authoritarian power" on Tuesday, even as he slammed President Barack Obama as an "autocrat."

"We need a Donald Trump to show some authoritarian power in our country and bring back the rule of law," LePage said in an interview with Maine radio station WVOM. He went on to compare Trump to Obama, decrying the President as "an autocrat" who ignores Congress and "just does it on his own."

As Maine's Sun Journal newspaper noted, the dictionary defines "autocrat" as a person who behaves in an authoritarian manner. LePage was seemingly unconcerned by Trump’s comments about forcing himself on women in a 2005 video that resurfaced last week, but conceded that Trump is not the "ideal guy I'd want my daughter going after.”

Lauren LePage, the Maine governor’s daughter, was hired in August by the Trump campaign as state coalitions director.

Read more: http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/lepage-trump-authoritarian-obama-autocrat

That’s enough to make you ask – Constitutional Literalism:

Razman Kadyrov

Chechnya. That country you think so little about, you had no idea that this isn’t Chechnya.

But in all seriousness, if you want to see what a real life Donald Trump would be like if he ran for president, look no further than Chechnian dictator Razman Kadyrov. This guy is certifiably insane, and he won a recent election in a landslide.

Ramzan Kadyrov leads with 98.12 percent of the votes in Sept. 18 elections of the head of Russia’s Chechnya republic with 78 percent of ballots counted, the Central Election Commission said on Sept. 19.

Idris Usmanov, commissioner for the rights of entrepreneurs in Chechnya and a candidate from the Party of Growth, gained just 0.79 percent. Gairsolt Batayev, a candidate from the Communist Party, who heads the republic’s civic chamber, won 0.57 percent. Sultan Denilkhanov, the leader of A Just Russia party’s regional branch, secured only 0.46 percent of the votes.

To be fair, there was a 2% margin of error.

I like that one. So how did Kadyrov celebrate his recent victory in the election? By the most third world dictator way possible.

Chechen president and self-described “soldier of Putin” Ramzan Kadyrov held an elaborate party, dressed in knight’s armor, as he stormed to an overwhelming election victory.

Kadyrov, who has governed the troubled region of Chechnya with an iron fist since 2007, ran for reelection in Russia’s nationwide parliamentary and regional election Sunday. The regional leader, famous for his admiration of Russian President Vladimir Putin, received 98 percent of the vote in his region, although irregularities with nationwide vote were criticized by international monitors.

Although three other candidates contested Kadyrov’s post, the Chechen leader seemed unconcerned as he spent the end of polling day holding court with a spear in hand and clad head to toe as a medieval warlord.

I think I might have found Vermin Supreme’s running mate! I mean really what's the difference between a guy who wears medieval chain mail and a guy who wears a boot on his head?

But here’s where Kadyrov gets very Trump-esque. He’s planning to start his own reality show where he picks his assistant dictator!

The Chechen leader, Ramzan Kadyrov, has announced that he will use an Apprentice-style reality television show to choose a new assistant.

Russian media said the show, to be titled Komanda (Team), would judge contestants not only on ideas for improving the republic but also on their ability to “be on time, accurately perform assigned tasks and be ready to work 24 hours a day”.

And then he has also prominently featured his sons on TV fighting competitions, and these kids look like they could beat the living shit out of anyone!

Chechen leader Ramzan Kadyrov is in hot water after Mixed Martial Arts bouts featuring children aged eight, nine, and 10 were broadcast on Russian TV on Tuesday, with Kadyrov watching his own kids as they took part.

Kadyrov’s sons – Akhmad, Eli and Adam – all won their individual fights before a capacity crowd in Grozny, Chechnya, with the footage quickly going viral on the Russian web.

The event called 'Grand Prix Akhmat 2016' was headlined by adult fights, while kids’ bouts were originally announced as an “exhibition fight.”

Jill Stein

So you may have heard by now that Donald Trump got a whopping ZERO endorsements from every leading newspaper in the country. Even popular newspapers like the Arizona Republic – which has never endorsed a democratic candidate in their 150 year history endorsed Hillary Clinton over Donald Trump.

Since The Arizona Republic began publication in 1890, we have never endorsed a Democrat over a Republican for president. Never. This reflects a deep philosophical appreciation for conservative ideals and Republican principles.

This year is different.

The 2016 Republican candidate is not conservative and he is not qualified.

That’s why, for the first time in our history, The Arizona Republic will support a Democrat for president.

Read more: http://www.azcentral.com/story/opinion/editorial/2016/09/27/hillary-clinton-endorsement/91198668/


And the Chicago Tribune endorsed former governor and current Washington DC weed dealer and Kiss auditioner Gary Johnson for some unknown reason.

The Chicago Tribune on Friday endorsed Libertarian Gary Johnson for president, joining a handful of other newspapers around the country that have rejected both the Republican and Democratic presidential nominees.
“We would rather recommend a principled candidate for president — regardless of his or her prospects for victory — than suggest that voters cast ballots for such disappointing major-party candidates,” the editorial board wrote.
“We reject the cliche that a citizen who chooses a principled third-party candidate is squandering his or her vote,” the endorsement continued. “…We offer this endorsement to encourage voters who want to feel comfortable with their choice. Who want to vote for someone they can admire.

But Jill Stein picked up a ringing endorsement from batshit crazy conspiracy theorist Ron Paul! Yes Ron Paul surfaced from his troll cave somewhere in Kentucky to endorse Jill Stein!

Former Texas Congressman Ron Paul told MSNBC on Monday that the Green Party’s presidential nominee, Jill Stein, is the “best on foreign policy.”

Paul, a former Republican who has since declared himself a Libertarian, talked with host Thomas Roberts about the upcoming election and what qualifies a nominee to serve as president.

Before the interview began, Roberts asked the question, “Who is the former Texas congressman supporting this election cycle?”

The answer appears to be Jill Stein.

Of course Ron Paul being Ron Paul, and he only gives cryptic answers about how he feels on the issues like you need a Ouija board to solve them may not have actually endorsed Jill Stein!

“What makes her qualified for the highest office in the land?”

“Well, I think there is a little bit of misinformation because I have not endorsed anybody,” Paul flatly stated. “I haven’t told any supporters who are interested whom they should vote, but I have mentioned her name because I have to look for bits and pieces in all the candidates to come up and try to put it together and have a libertarian message.”

“Liberty is all chopped to pieces,” he continued. “Liberals defend some parts of liberty and the conservatives of other parts and progressives are pretty good too on foreign policies.”

Read more: http://dailycaller.com/2016/10/03/msnbc-ron-paul-endorsed-jill-stein-ron-paul-uhhh-no-l-didnt-video/#ixzz4Mhu4Pe00

Dawn Of The Planet Of The Creepy Clowns

We need some appropriate music for this entry.

Eh. I know!

But there’s people who aren’t down with the clown. You know we’ve already covered the creepy clown craze in the aforementioned Idiots #41. But they’re no longer limited to the confines of the Greensboro, North Carolina woods. Creepy clowns are popping up everywhere! There’s been sightings in England, upstate New York, Florida, Chicago, Seattle, Denver… and it doesn’t end there. We’re just getting started! In fact the police in Norwich, England already are issuing warnings to creepy clown sighting reportings!

'Frightening experience'

In the Norwich case, the woman was walking alone in Eaton Park at about 20:30 BST on Sunday when the man leapt out, screamed at her and ran after her.

Supt Lynne Cross, of Norfolk Police, said such incidents "may seem harmless, but it is quite frightening to those who experience it".

In County Durham on Friday, four children were followed to school by a man in a clown outfit who was armed with what turned out to be a plastic machete.

In a separate clowning caper in County Durham on Friday, police in Peterlee posted a photo on their Facebook page of items including two masks confiscated from two 12-year-olds who officers said had gone to a primary school to scare children.

But Norwich isn’t the only place where creepy clowns have been sighted. What about our favorite state where all the crazy news happens – Florida?

Next to a dirt road in Marion County, lurking behind a patch of tall grass, stood a clown with stringy orange hair and a pale, white face.

“We stopped to record and then he started to move so we took off,” Facebook user Caden Parmelee wrote in a video post that has now gone viral. “Not trying to die today.”

Yeah not dying would be a good thing!

But we’re still not done! There’s creepy clown sightings all over the country! In fact the NPR show “The Two Way” has been dissecting America’s creepy clown problem.

Last month, the Two-Way reported on a spate of creepy-clown sightings across America. It seemed to begin in Greenville, S.C., where there were reports that "suspicious clowns were attempting to lure children into the woods."

That was followed by sightings in Alabama, Georgia, Maryland, North Carolina, Pennsylvania and Kentucky, with arrests made in Alabama and Kentucky. Many sightings were hard to verify, leaving people wondering: Jokes? Hoaxes? Figment of our collective imaginations? Cyclical clown uprising?

Oh sure it starts out innocent enough right? Just some clowns appearing outside of an apartment complex attempting to lure children into the woods? Nothing wrong with that is there? Wait, yes, everything is wrong with that! In fact there’s more:

1. People actually dressed as clowns and acting creepy

There are multiple allegations of individuals in clown masks or makeup behaving alarmingly.

In some cases, the clown has not been found, and it's difficult to verify the sighting: A San Francisco Bay Area mother told police that a man in a clown suit attempted to snatch her 1-year-old child out of her arms at a bus stop in broad daylight. She says she kicked him away.

In Abilene, Texas, a man told police that two clowns held him at gunpoint after he took his dog outside to do its business around 4:30 a.m. A local TV station writes that, according to the police report, the man had a "hair-raising stare-down" with the clowns — one of whom was armed with an "AR-type rifle." The tense situation was resolved when the victim "retreated into his residence to get a bigger dog," and the clowns drove away.

What the fucking hell is going on here? Is there a creepy clown uprising? Is there an underground creepy clown club like in Fight Club that’s enacting a real life Project Mayhem?

2. Empty clown-related threats against schools

High schools. Middle schools. Even elementary schools.

Across the country, dozens of schools have had to cope with threats posted on social media accounts promising violence — with pictures of terrifying clowns attached.

In some jurisdictions, the threats are being investigated. In others, a child or teenager has been arrested and charged with posting the noncredible threat.

Such arrests were reported across the country: Washington County and Prince George's County in Maryland, Fontana and Fresno in California, Methuen and Rehoboth in Massachusetts, and Toms River, N.J.

They’re taking over our schools! I mean if creepy clowns aren’t allowed in school, does that mean that the school has to cancel fun entirely? I mean sure I wouldn’t put it past a school’s PR department to do that. But a lot of these creepy clown sightings and attacks are turning out to be hoaxes!

The reports to the police had one thing in common with the circus act involving an improbable number of clowns emerging from a small car.

They just kept coming, and coming, and coming, across multiple states. Clowns in vans. Clowns in the woods. Clowns lurking in the shadows. Clowns chasing people or doing crimes.

But in recent weeks, steady police work has turned the news around, with 12 people facing charges of making false reports or threats, or chasing people, the authorities said. Other cases seem attributable to children with overactive imaginations, teenagers pulling pranks and others with their own reasons for adding to the hysteria. At least one death has been linked to a clown hoax.

And we’re still not done. This is an epidemic, folks!

By the way – McDonalds, McDonalds, has decided to limit the appearance of Ronald McDonald because of the creepy clown sightings!

McDonald's Corp. says Ronald McDonald is keeping a low profile with reports of “creepy clown” sightings on the rise.

The burger chain said Tuesday that it is being “thoughtful in respect to Ronald McDonald's participation in community events” as a result of the “current climate around clown sightings in communities.”

The company did not provide any other details about how often its red-haired mascot makes appearances and how or whether that will change.

And actual clowns aren’t taking this sitting down. No, they’re fighting back. See the good natured clowns aren’t, um, clowning around here!

Dozens of clowns in Arizona will hit the streets in Tucson on Saturday night for a planned “Clown Lives Matter” peace walk meant to show the gentle nature of jesters amid a national climate of clown fear.

At least 50 people are expected to stride down a popular strip in the city wearing clown costumes, with some prepared to hand out balloons and flowers and show off their magic tricks, according to the event’s organizer, Nicole Sinn.

“A lot of people are going against clowns,” Sinn said Thursday. “I don’t like that people are thinking that every single person that has clown makeup on is trying to hurt them or their children.”

That’s right! Clown lives matter!

That... that's the image you're going with? I'm no public relations expert, but I'm pretty sure the way to curtail the image of being a creep is to not use an image that looks creepy as shit! That's the image equivalent of Billy Bush hanging out in front of a girl's locker room! But there is one guy who makes a living as a clown who is definitely not helping to advance the argument. I give you Violent J, the leader of the Insane Clown Posse:

Cut to 2016. Everyone once again is seeing so-called “killer clowns” everywhere—popping out of bushes, threatening people on social media and assorted other public pranks. Cops have actually arrested a few people this time around, though, because there’s a lot of copycats out there and mass hysteria has a way of making people do stupid s—.

But as ICP has discovered over the last decade, there’s a whole army of scary, terrifying and dangerous clowns out there in this country trying to suppress the rights of thousands of people to exercise the most basic part of the Declaration of Independence, which evokes the freedom to “Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” The only difference is these clowns don’t wear greasepaint.

These clowns threaten the very fabric on which our nation was supposedly founded upon—and for some f—ing crazy-a– reason, they’re getting away with it. From keystone-cop clowns shooting unarmed citizens, to racist clowns burning down Islamic centers or clowns in the NSA spying on us through our cell phones and laptops, America has turned into something far more terrifying than Insane Clown Posse’s Dark Carnival. Even a scrub like me who dropped out of school in ninth grade can see what’s going on. Today’s reality is scarier than anything you’ll ever hear on one of our albums.

Oh come on Violent J. You can’t compare politicians to creepy clowns without mentioning the one creepy clown who has a real chance of becoming our 45th president:

Hey o!!!!

And Now This:
Alter Bridge

Ladies and gentlemen, playing their new song “Show Me A Leader” from their album “The Last Hero”, I give you Alter Bridge!

Yeah how about that?

See you next week!
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