SammyBlue's Top Ten Conservative Idiots of the Week

[SammyBlue]

Top Conservative Idiots of the Week

The Assholes A-plenty edition

This week, Skinner, Elad and EarlG are on vacation, so as always, I try to fill their shoes. This is sixth attempt at this. George Bush (1, part of 2) tops our list, launching Operation CYA, while Tony Blair (part of 2) believes in Operation Light Your Ass On Fire. The White House (3) wants to screw the poor so bad it can taste it, Ann Coulter (6) is a douchebag and Bruce Willis (10) proves he's a bigger asshat that most chickenhawk actors. Enjoy! And, as always, refer to the Key.

George W. Bush

"Operation cover your ass" has started. George W. Bush has announced that they will drop the troop level by 60,000 soon, possibly around Election Day 2006 (wow, so much for not using the for political ploy). According to the UK Independent: "PRESIDENT BUSH is planning a major pullout of US troops from Iraq amid rising opposition to the war on Capitol Hill and across America. After a fortnight in which the political debate has rapidly moved from how to fight the war to how best to get out of Iraq, the White House is looking at reducing troop levels by at least 60,000 next year." Fantastic. This after he told us that the War is good thing. This after Jean Schmidt told the world that "cowards cut and run, marines never do." The absurdity is pathetic, but I'll let his official biography speak for him.

Could this pull out talk be caused by either the fact that his approval ratings are tanking or the independents that voted for him are abandoning him? How does one President bolster his approval? Why, by coming to the Democratic part of Arizona (and my hometown), Tucson, to give a private Chimp-formcial at Davis-Monthan Air Force base. Oh, this meeting is closed to the public. . .but you can watch it on Television (sure, I'll do that, after I club my nuts with spiked bat after giving myself a hydrochloric acid enema). Oh, did I mention Bush is -18% in Arizona? And he's coming to a place where the Congressmen seeking re-election is a Democrat (Raul Grijalva) and the Republican District is up for grabs as Jim Kolbe is retiring. Good Job, Karl. . .for sending Chimpy McCokespoon here, to a city that HATES him.

Tony Blair (and by extention George W. Bush)

Okay. . .so, what do you do when your War in Iraq is tanking and you have no support? Well, if you're Tony Blair, you take a page from the Bush Administration (you know, the right wing people you sold your Labor Party out to in order to kiss his ass) and say that Torture is good and the any information gained by it is good! To quote the UK Independent: "Mike Gapes, the Labour MP and chairman of the Commons Foreign Affairs Committee, hit out at the Government after Ian Pearson, the Foreign Office minister responsible for human rights, said evidence obtained under torture could not be ignored if it might prevent an attack." Okay, I'm about to vomit! WHAT???? Evidence obtained under torture could not be ignored if it might prevent an attack!?!?! Get them garden hoses, those thumb screws and those iron maiden? Can you imagine what happens at those secret CIA prisons that don't exist? "Tell us what we want to know , you camel jockeying sand nigger or I'll strap this car battery to your nuts!" "Okay, I'm only 18, but I assassinated Kennedy!" Well, what do you expect? The US holds people indefinately without trial is they are "terra" suspects claiming they take it on a "http://www.nytimes.com/2005/11/27/national/nationalspecial3/27enemy.html&OP=7326d944Q2F9Q5C8L9r-aqx--do9oVVv9ee9o39JQ3Cdb-JQ3C19JQ3Cdb-JQ3C1q28abQ3C1j9o38J80E5Q26d01">case by case basis!" Just wait until the Gestapo. . .oops, I mean the Homeland Security Office sends its goons. . .oops, I mean the local police or sheriff's officers to take you into custody in the middle of the night for Jay-walking. After all, you could be a terrorist mule!

The White House

Can you taste it? Try harder? Tastes like bullshit? Does it taste like screwing the poor and fucking over everyone who's fallen down? Well, it should, because the White House can taste it. In another attempt to stick it to FDR, the White House is attempt to fuck over welfare recipients. The idea is to "gradually increase the minimum threshold for states so that 70 percent of their welfare participants would have to be in jobs. Failure to meet that rate could mean the loss of some of the $16.6 billion Congress sets aside annually for the Temporary Assistance for Needy Families block grants." Also, the White House is looking to "change work requirements for individuals. Currently, participants must work at least 20 hours weekly and perform an additional 10 hours of work-related activities, such as job training. The measure approved by the House would require 24 hours of work and 16 hours of additional work-related activities." In fact, Bush's point says that this is so close "I can almost taste it,'' What a ghoul!!! Remember, those millionaires and billionaires need another tax break. It's the Republican's War on the Poor.

Dick Cheney

Dick Cheney is a scumbag! He's a corporatist and a scumbag. And he revealed himself to be a war monger, a slimesucker and a douchebag too. Check this out from the National Journal (last paragraph): "Those grievances were also perhaps illustrated by comments that Vice President Cheney himself wrote on one of Feith's reports detailing purported evidence of links between Al Qaeda and Saddam Hussein. In barely legible handwriting, Cheney wrote in the margin of the report: 'This is very good indeed … Encouraging … Not like the crap we are all so used to getting out of CIA.'" Nice, huh? Intelligence Cheney doesn't like is crap??? In the immortal words of wisdom from him; "Hey, Mr. Cheney, go fuck yourself!" You are a "major league asshole. . .big time!"

Kenneth Tomlinson

The former head of the PBS network, Kenneth Tomlinson, seems to have royally fucked up. You see, this Republican shill used his Republican bias to break the law in hiring. . .by using a political test to hire new PBS employes. According to Freemarketnews.com: "Tomlinson threatened to block the funding of programs until they were changed to present more conservative viewpoints. He also broke regulations outlined in the Public Broadcasting Act of 1967, which prohibited him from dealing directly with the conservative “Journal Editorial Report.” You know. . .it's strange. The Right wing owns the cable news networks, owns the AM band and most of the newspapers, yet they are still trying to stamp out liberalism. What liberal media? Well, thankfully Tomlinson's gone and PBS can be left alone. Still, I wonder if Clear Channel does this. . .or Air America. . .they can. They are private!!!

Ann Coulter

Man Hands Ann Coulter is a nazi, racist, bitch! That cannot be denied. But, according to her, the 60 - 65% of Americans who don't support the war are "gutless cowards." According to her latese turds of wisdom: "They fill the airwaves with treason, but when called to vote on withdrawing troops, disavow their own public statements. These people are not only traitors, they are gutless traitors." Funny, there are people in the 40s in Iraq right now! Why isn't she there? Maybe because she's a gutless coward!

Tom Bailey

Ah. . .Tennesee. . .home of the Scopes Monkey Trial and tolerance of all people. Except those High School students who use the school newspaper to tell the students about "birth control and tattoos." The Supertindent of the Oak Ridge Schools had his thugs. . .oops, administrators, confiscate "1800 copies of the newspaper," using the same excuse people have used to ban objectionable video games, music, movies, books, art and television shows: "We have a responsibility to the public to do the right thing," he said. "We've got 14-year-olds that read the newspaper." Using kids? Let me get this straight. . .when it comes to social shit, the kids must be protected. If they break a law, try them all as adults. We teach the Constutiton, but we make it a point not to practice. What was that thing in West Virginia V. Barnette? "Schoolchildren do lose their first amendment rights at the schoolhouse gate? Everywhere but Oak Ridge, TN. Here's the Bill of Rights, Oak Ridge. Try reading it if you fuckers know how to read.

John Warner

So, how do you drum up support for a failing war based on lies? Be honest with the American people? Commit enough troops to win? Support the troops by giving them the pay and equipment they need? How about apologize for the lies and come clean? Well. . .if you're Sen. John Warner (R-VA) the answer is quite simple: take a play from FDR and do Fireside chats. How original! And what will the content of those chats be? To update the American people on the progress of the war in Iraq. The asshole actually said that "It would bring him closer to the people, dispel some of this concern that understandably our people have, about the loss of life and limb, the enormous cost of this war to the American public." Yeah. . .Bush's problen is he hasn't spoken to the American people about the War. Tell that to the 2108 American GIs that have died on a lie. We have to stomach him crap on the English language on his weekly RADIO address and on TV. We need him to have more time on the radio? This has to go down one of the dumbest ideas since. . .we invaded Iraq on false pretenses.

JD Hayworth

What did the elections tell Republicans earlier this month? Bush campaigned for Kilgore in Virginia and Kilgore LOST! Rick "Fecal Matter" Santorum told Bush he didn't want him around for a Veteran's Day political Rally. JD Hayworth told Bush to stay away. . .until he flip flopped and changed his mind. According to the East Valley Tribune, "Rep. J.D. Hayworth will appear with President Bush on the campaign trail after all. Less than a month ago, Hayworth, (R-AZ), said on a national radio talk show that he didn’t want Bush to campaign for him "at this time," adding later that his comments were a honest reflection of the president’s slipping popularity." Enjoy losing, you assmunch! Your voting record sucks so bad you've been targetted by Moveon.org, according to the Arizona Republic(an). Hayworth decided to say that: "MoveOn's timing is impeccable," responded Hayworth in a statement released by his office. What a brilliant idea to run ads calling for immediate troop withdrawal from Iraq just a few days after the House of Representatives voted 403-3 to reject that course of action." Guess what? That was YOUR political move, asshole! And it showed us what a fucking asshat you are! Enjoy LOSING!!!

Bruce Willis

How do you get people on your side to support a war? If you're a neo-conservative chickenhawk actor who is so much of a pussy you can't perform the easiest stunt, you not only offer an award for finding Osama Bin Laden (good thing), but you try to produce a movie on the great things we're doing in Iraq (without serving or fighting) from the comforts of Southern California. Nice, huh? I'm sure this will be as fun as this shitty pro Viet Nam movie. Why not go one step further. In fairy tale land, Bruce, you can tell everyone, in a movie, how the poor are poor because they are lazy, blacks asked to be slaves, the holocaust never happened and we were just and true to the Native American. He and his King, George Bush, love shit like that. Maybe Showtime can produce it. Make sure it's rated R because it will be a horror movie, just like this turd filled shit-o-matic movie. As much as I hate the site I'm posting. . .Bruce Willis and his chickenhawk neo-conservative public bullshit artists need to shut up![br />

Please visit my culture and political blogs at the hyper links belong and thank you for reading

[Montauk6]

1. Why do call Bruce Willis a "chickenhawk actor"?

The man just said he was over there. I mean he WENT OVER THERE! He checked things out and saw that IT WAS GOOD.

I tell ya, you can call the soldiers fighting it out brave all you want but it's guys like MR. WILLIS that really define bravery.

oodles and oodles of :sarcasm:

[LA lady]

2. Oops

I think you mean Republican Sen. JOHN Warner. Mark Warner is the Dem Governor.

[confludemocrat]

8. Yeah Sammy Blue you really need to fix that n/t

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

3. Thanks!

I was missing the Top 10 today until I found this thread. Kicked and nominated-great job!

[bonzotex]

4. thanks for filling in!

The weekly top ten CI's is a Monday morning ritual for me. Thanks for starting our week off right.

[proud2BlibKansan]

5. OMG that last link!

How about a warning next time? Now I have an ear worm to look forward to all day. :puke:

Great column this week! Thanks for filling in.

[Swede]

7. That guy must be tired, all that hate burns up energy.

Or maybe weakens the old ticker.

[rmgustaf]

9. Are you sure that isn't a spoof site?

No way could that be real... I was laughing my ass off the whole way through! :D There was some great one-liners in there.

[trogdor]

6. Rec'd.

:kick: Ersatz-idiots is now a two-star post.

[immoderate]

10. Excellent, SammyBlue

You did a good job.:applause:

--IMM

[Bluzmann57]

11. Thank you very much

Was going through withdrawals without Top Ten list. Good job. :toast: to you sir.

[tomreedtoon]

12. Thanks...but you're too angry to write this.

The regular Conservative Idiots writers are able to take ten steps away from the material when they're writing it. They take deep breaths. They retain their sense of outrage, but they don't curse with every other word, and they keep in mind one important factor.

The Conservative Idiots don't need to be insulted. Simply laying out their illogical thoughts and pointing out how illogical they are is where the funny comes from.

Thanks for the fill-in - it's better than silence - but in all honesty, I can't wait for the first team to get back to work.

[SammyBlue]

13. Hey, I'm alot more militant and I learned how to rant from the best

Listening to George Carlin for 25 years.

Skinner, EarlG and Elad do it much better. . .I just did this as temporary and inferior replacement for one week. Cheers!

[tomreedtoon]

14. Okay, good point...

...but my point is, your anger bled through too much. I'd almost suggest your anger was influencing you too much for your own good. I'm not saying you have to be a clone of the regular guys, but you might learn from their sense of proportion. Remember, a sense of proportion is what we have, and what the Bushies don't.