More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today--US 239 Edition
For a lot of people in this country, this Independence Day is going to be sweeter than usual. To those who can now get married, and those no longer worried about having their health care taken away, enjoy this day and be thankful for the great (but far from perfect) country we have.
And since freedom includes the freedom to make fun of conservative doublethink, here we go again with another "More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today"!
Time to update this one for the Supreme Court's latest awesome decisions:
* The Supreme Court rulings in favor of marriage equality and health care are unrestrained judicial activism; the Supreme Court rulings in favor of Presidential candidates who lost by a half million votes, state officials who want to gut voting rights, and big corporations and billionaires who want to bribe politicians, are proper uses of judicial power.
And the May 2015 flooding in Texas brought this one out again:
* You scream for federal disaster aid when your state catches fire or drowns in a hurricane, but when it happens somewhere else in the country you vote against federal disaster aid.
Former Republican Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert was arrested for paying hush money to a guy he fondled, so naturally...
* Mark Foley, Tom Delay, and Dennis Hastert were Democrats.
Oh, look, Bristol Palin is in the news again...
* If you're an unwed teen mother, you're an irresponsible slut and a social deviant. However, if you're an unwed mother and your own mother is a Republican Vice Presidential candidate, you're an inspiring example and deserve support, sympathy, and loud cheers as you appear on Dancing With The Stars. (Contributed by screwfacecapone)
* Natalie Portman is a terrible person and a bad role model for having a child out of wedlock. Bristol Palin? Why are you bringing her up? What relevance does that have to this discussion?
More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:
* White Christian Men are the most oppressed and victimized group in America today.
* You're a homophobic Republican who sends explicit photos of yourself...to a man.
* You have no problem with rioting when sports teams win or lose championships, but condemn rioting when it's over some unarmed black kid getting killed by the police.
* Government funding to "Duck Dynasty" (via tax incentives) is more important than funding to schools.
* A serial child molester has the moral authority to call LGBT people threats to children.
* Incest and rape are heinous crimes that call for the death penalty, except when your own son molests your daughters--then it's a personal matter requiring prayer and understanding.
* Bernie Sanders isn't a "serious" candidate for President; Ben Carson, Carly Fiorina, Ted Cruz, George Pataki, and Donald Trump are.
* Two serial adulterers and a child molester had the moral authority to judge Bill Clinton's affair with an intern.
(I just have to share the irony of one of the ThinkProgress commenters on that article: unlike Gingrich, Bill Clinton is still married to the same woman as he was in 1998)
* "Keeping us safe" = 3000 people dying on 9-11-01, anthrax letters, and New Orleans drowning in 2005.
* The mentally ill and domestic abusers should be allowed to have guns.
* You're not offended by guys who molest their sisters, but are offended by transgendered athletes.
Shades of Newt Gingrich and his "falsehoods":
* "Cheap shot": quoting something Jeb Bush actually said.
* Retirement is against the Bible. Unless you're a billionaire, of course.
* A former governor and son and brother of two former Presidents is an "outsider"
* You rail about President Obama's "lawless" Administration while also promising to defy any Supreme Court judgment in favor of marriage equality.
* You're surprised when there are racist murders in a state which still has the flag of an armed, racist insurrection against the United States flying over its capitol.
* An outspoken racist who posted white supremacist screeds all over his website and wrote approvingly of a hate group before going into a church and murdering nine black people is clearly motivated by hatred of religion.
* "Guns don't kill people, pictures do"--Anomaly of Freakoutnation.com
* The government is too lawless and uncountable to the people, which means voting for the dramatic scaling back of oversight of lawmakers and other public officials.
* Donald Trump is qualified to be President because of his business expertise in multiple bankruptcies, losing money on casinos, and having high profile business partners sever their ties with him.
= new reply since forum marked as read
I didn't put the links in the earliest installments. Then when reading them over I started finding ones and going "I can't remember where I got this idea from" so I started putting them in the "master document" in case I was asked. And then, finally, I realized I could save myself a lot of potential trouble by just putting the links in the final post. 
