School Loses Kids & Tries to Have Dad Arrested

[Liberal_in_LA]

School Loses Kids & Tries to Have Dad Arrested

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That's allegedly what happened to C.J. Blair, a father of two little girls in Maryland. When his girls didn't come home as usual, he went to the school, then learned his 5- and 7-year-olds had been placed on the wrong bus. And it gets worse. Because dad had left the bus stop to try to find out what had happened to his daughters, the new bus dropped them off across the street from their regular stop with no one there to care for them.

Blair says police were called to handle him as though he were causing a ruckus. The school is trying to claim it was just to have their help in finding the kids, but the 911 records show it was a call about a "disorderly male." And as one school official told the Washington Post, "He acts in such a way that the staff are fearful."

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The district got very lucky -- unable to get into their locked house, the girls fortunately walked to the home of an acquaintance, who cared for them until Blair was able to go get them.

http://thestir.cafemom.com/big_kid/115953/school_loses_kids_tries_to

[Dappleganger]

1. So he went Papa Bear on them...

they should be afraid. When our youngest was in kindergarten somehow they let him out of school early, he popped on his little yellow helmet, got on his little bike w/training wheels and began to go home to his momma. Thankfully, their PE teacher "Coach" was out setting up early on the corner down the road for incoming parents at the pickup spot and saw our little guy and apprehended him. The school called me to let me know what was happening (I was about to leave to meet them at the corner on my bike). Turned out that the little guy walked right past the assistant principle and out the door with nary a 2nd look from her.

Yes, I went Mama Bear on their asses in that office. I told them they had to go buy a new lock and chain for the bikers' gate that DAY or I would report the incident downtown. The asst. principle (responsible for the locking of the gate) had merely draped it around the gate so it would look locked, although it was broken. My rant was "As a parent I am entrusting you to keep my child safe and on school grounds from the time they are dropped off from me at the gate until the time he is picked up...if you can't do your job, then somebody else will!"

Needless to say a new lock was on the gate the next morning (I rode there and checked on it myself). My heart still shutters to think what could have happened if Coach hadn't been there to see the little guy go around the corner.

[Liberal_in_LA]

2. good for you!

[Hannah Bell]

5. not sure why you think screaming at people is effective. The only thing it accomplishes is to

make the screamer feel powerful.

I can understand why parents would lose it when they think someone's lost their kids.

However, I can't understand why people would applaud their losing it after the fact, as if it were an optimal response.

And in fact, the Wash. Post article contains more info on the case which puts that response further in doubt, e.g.:


1. The kids were dropped off across the street from their regular stop.

2. The mother was called about the change, but somehow was left with the impression that there was no change (either because the school didn't communicate well or she didn't process well or she changed her story after the fact, who knows.)

3. The father asked the school to call police to look for his kids; they supposedly refused.

4. The police showed up at the school after the father had left it.

5. The kids crossed the street, found their house locked, went to the neighbor, who called the father.

6. The father retrieved the kids then went back to the school, where he met the police.


To me it's not really clear what happened except that the kids were put on the wrong bus.

[Dappleganger]

7. What is your definition of screaming?

I find that it varies from person to person. When my child was lost I became quite animated but no swearing, no calling names but lots of pointed, specific things of what needed to happen NOW so the situation would be fixed.

Was this guy a black man? They could have had the "big black scary man" syndrome and called even if he was just speaking in regular voice.

Not everyone speaks with a library voice, certainly not a parent who just lost the most precious person in their life.

[Hannah Bell]

10. My definition of screaming has nothing to do with name-calling or swearing.

My definition of screaming is:

Raising one's voice to others in a sustained & hostile way (not a single speech utterance) in a fashion that impedes others from dealing with the actual problem.

The fathers' reported method of dealing with the situation was a hinderance to finding his children. It made the situation worse, not better.

And in fact, the situation could have been dealt with very simply; the school had already called the mother & apparently knew which bus the kids had been placed on -- a bus that stopped across the street from the kids' regular stop.

As I said, I understand why a parent would lose it. I don't understand why people would act as though losing it were an optimal response.

[1monster]

37. Do you have children Hannah Bell? I remember once, when my son was

fourth grade, I got called in for an unexpected afternoon job. I called the school to tell them to have my son go to after school care. The principal answered the phone and I made my request, giving her the name of my son's teacher. Normal procedure (and I know this because I work for the school system and had worked and volunteered in that school) was to immediately call the teacher on the P.A. system with the information. That call was never made.

I got to my assignment (fifteen miles from my son's school and ten from my home) a half hour early and decided to call the after school care program to make sure my son was there. He wasn't.

Even though I was new in the job, I told the office staff I had to go check on my son ASAP and would be back as soon as I could.

I'm not an aggressive driver, but I was that day. I got home and there was no sign of my son. I called a neighbor to see if he had gone there. NO. But she went out looking too. I found my son a couple of blocks away with a school mate who offered my son a place to stay until I got home. I took my son back to my assignment. Fortunately for me, all the people I had to deal with in that office had children of their own; they were very sympathetic and I didn't suffer any professional consequences for leaving and coming back late.

But I was very angry. By not passing on a vital message, my son had been put in what could have been serious danger. I've known that principal for years and did business with her husband since long before my son was born. I like her. But had she been near me at that time, I would have been hard put not to commit battery on her. And I am not a violent person.

Until and unless you have experienced the real terror that comes to a parent with a missing child, you have no right to denigrate the parent for expressing outraged anger at the carelessness of those who were responsible for your child at the time.

[Warren DeMontague]

15. Some people think teachers and school administrators can do no wrong.

Everyone else should just shut up and get in line.

[Hannah Bell]

16. I have no doubt that teachers and administrators can & do do wrong on a regular basis.

My criticism in this case was very specific: screaming at people doesn't help, it makes things worse.

Do you disagree with that pov?

[Warren DeMontague]

18. Are you a parent?

Whether or not it helps, it's understandable.

[Hannah Bell]

20. I have already said in two or more posts that it's understandable.

Including in one of the posts you responded to.

But it's not optimal.

Do you disagree?

[Warren DeMontague]

23. I'm more inclined to sympathize with the dad, in this case, even if he freaked out

than the folks at the school whose attitude was, apparently, "oh well, sorry about the kids, but the important thing to worry about is us, and the fact that we have an irate guy on our hands, and we simply don't want to have to deal with him." It's like Sarah Palin: We're The Victims, Here! :eyes:

[Hannah Bell]

25. in fact, you don't really know what happened, or how they treated him.

according to the wp story, he went to the school, spent less than half an hour there, left, and returned after he'd found his kids (at home).

when he returned there were police there. the school did not call the police to arrest him while he was there the first time.

in fact, we don't know what happened.

i made one rather simple assertion: screaming at people doesn't help.

do you disagree?

[Warren DeMontague]

27. Sometimes, screaming at people does help.

I'm sure there's been a case, somewhere, where it has.

[Dappleganger]

11. Here's your answer right here...

"Blair, who is African American, said he has complained to the Anne Arundel branch of the NAACP. The branch president, Jacqueline Boone Allsup, said, "I have contacted the superintendent of public schools asking for an investigation into this matter.""

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2011/02/04/AR2011020406558_2.html


I highly doubt that they would have called if he'd been white (I am white, female). Anne Arundel county--that says a LOT.

[Hannah Bell]

13. That's your assumption. Anne Arundel county = 15% black. What does AA county "say"?

To me, the fact that NAACP asked the school to investigate means that they were following their usual procedure when they get a complaint. Nothing more, nothing less. It does not say that the school called the police because they saw a large black man.

46% of students at brock bridge are black, so presumably 1) the staff has seen black men before, and 2) the staff includes black people.

Laurel, MD, the city where the school is located, is 34% black. Median family income is $58K. Poverty level for families = 4.3%.

http://www.localschooldirectory.com/public-school/37271/MD.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laurel,_Maryland

Here's a former Brock Bridge principal: she's black.

http://www.ftmeadesoundoff.com/news/4294/thanks-served-teachers-tea/

[Codeine]

21. "Mama Bear" and "Papa Bear" sound like some stupid Sarah Palin crap.

It's really just a way of saying "Obnoxious Loudmouth."

[Hannah Bell]

22. yeah, i was wondering why the posters were echoing palin.

[localroger]

26. "Papa Bear" is Colbert's nickname for Bill O'Reilly

I'm sure the OP was implying that the Dad lost it the way O'Reilly sometimes does on air.

[SaveAmerica]

36. Going 'mama bear' is to be protective of yer kids and has been around longer than the Palinator

[chelsea0011]

3. So many things went wrong. who knows where to begin.

Father should never had left to go to the school. Does he have a phone? How would he know that the bus might be running late for a hundred reasons? If it is a regular bus driver, he/she should know who the students are on the bus. And what is the drop off policy for their ages? It appears one was preK or K and the other was either 1st or second grade. So does the school have a policy of all students can be dropped off with or without siblings available to take home and custodians avialble at stops? Seven year olds are dropped off alone throughout the country on buses. And in this case across the street isn't an unreasonable distance to go. If the father stayed home, like he should have, he would have been there. Kids can get on wrong buses and the schools need to be careful that they do not, but it can happen. You read the story at cafemom and the person who wrote it is one out of control person. The kids weren't lost, especially if the bus was equipped with two way radio. And while she writes she would be screaming out of control at the school, she would be better served by being smart and staying put and calling the school on the phone first.

[11 Bravo]

4. It was local news here in the DC Metro area, The school fucked up, admitted it, and apologized.

[Hannah Bell]

6. The school put the kids on the wrong bus. That was their "fuck-up". But as the poster says,

the father would have done better to stay put & call the school first; busses can be late.

The Washington Post reports that the school called the mother about the change. The mother says she was left with the impression there was no change. Why did she think the school called her, then?

The fact that the school fucked up by putting the kids on the wrong bus doesn't mean that the father's response was an optimal one.

In fact, the kids were dropped across the street from their regular stop and brilliantly crossed the street and went home.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2011/02/04/AR2011020406558.html

The post also reports that the father asked to school to call police to help look for the kids and the school supposedly refused. He then left, went home when a neighbor called him that the kids were home, then went back to the school -- and police were there.

[susanr516]

35. An eerily similar situation happened to my grandson

He's low-functioning autistic and totally non-verbal. The first day of class at his new middle school, the bus was late. I waited about 20 minutes past the scheduled drop-off time because it was the first day and there are usually a few glitches. I called our district's Special Ed transportation dept. to ask about the delay. The dispatcher contacted his assigned bus and came back to me saying that he wasn't on the bus and the driver said his mother picked him up. I confess--I shouted, "His mother lives in Florida! Where is my grandson?" Transportation agreed to start checking. I was terrified, but I never dreamed of leaving the house. I called the school and one of the vice-principals immediately contacted his teacher, who assured her my grandson was placed on a Special Ed bus--just not the right bus. The aide said my grandson switched lines--we found out that he just lined up behind the boy who was on his elementary school bus, just like last year--so the aide thought she had made the mistake. I remember saying (quite calmly) to the vice principal, "Let me get this straight. My grandson is 13, severely autistic, non-verbal, tests with an IQ of 38, and someone decided it was ok for HIM to choose the bus." I was so relieved, I started laughing. Then, the vice principal started laughing, even while she was still apologizing for the mix-up. I apologized for yelling at the transportation team.

Even at my most panicked, I knew he'd be found faster if I just stayed at the drop-off location and placed phone calls to have others search the school and the buses.

[lumberjack_jeff]

8. I have a number of reactions to this.

One of the reactions is that I think it should be exhibit #1 as to why and how kids are growing up with so few coping skills.

So the kids had to cross the street to the neighbor's house? The horrors!

At risk of understatement, circumstances required a great deal more independence skills from me at that age.

On the other hand, I'm guilty of going papa bear on school principals too.

[Dappleganger]

9. Something to consider...

http://www.firstcoastnews.com/news/special/somer/

She was picked up between the bus stop and her home (so the school didn't eff up) but just waiting because she was late wasn't a good thing. Call the police right away.
This happened half an hour away from us, btw. Parents have a right to go a bit crazy when there are nutsos out there. All those girls' father wanted was to know where they were, and the school didn't take it seriously it seemed.

Personally, I think that dad should have had an adult home to meet/call him if girls arrived and called the police, then gone to the school to get details about which bus they were on. School personnel tries, but often fail to get on the same page. The teacher usually knows what is really going on, it's the ones higher up who tend to change the facts to fit what they want the parent to know.

[KG]

12. locally, a child was dropped off across the street for her reg stop by a 75 y.o. (!)

substitute driver and was killed trying to cross the street.

horrors indeed.

[Warren DeMontague]

17. 7 or 8? Yes. 5?

5 is pretty little to be wandering around without supervision, "coping skills" or no.

[lumberjack_jeff]

19. The older of the two was seven.

It's important for kids that their parents know the neighbors for this very reason. Shit happens, and kids need to know which neighbor's house to go to in event of an emergency.

My upbringing was admittedly atypical, even by the standards of those days.

[Warren DeMontague]

24. Yeah, and the younger one was 5.

There are plenty of things about my upbringing that were different than things are generally done now, too: No bike helmets, riding around in smoke-filled cars during the winter with the windows rolled up (because "it's cold out there! Kaff, Kaff!" :eyes:)

But, honestly, despite all the hand-wringing about how so-called "helicopter parents" coddle kids these days, I don't romanticize the way things used to be. I've been in a trauma ward and watched a friend taken off life support, who wasn't wearing a bike helmet. A lot of those changes were made for damn good reasons.

[FSogol]

14. Notice that the kids knew what do in case of an emergency but, the father didn't? n/t

[msanthrope]

28. Interesting that the school called the cops about the yelling parent,

who is a clergyperson and a school volunteer--and obviously, known to them.

But didn't call the cops about two missing schoolkids.

[Hannah Bell]

29. in fact, we don't know exactly what happened, & neither of the reports posted here

make it clear what happened.

[WatsonT]

30. Why do we need to have a clear picture of what happened

prior to making up our minds?

Just be outraged like everyone else.

[Hannah Bell]

31. in this case, even the basic facts seem a bit contradictory.

the parent supposedly asked the school to call police to look for the children.

the school supposedly refused.

then the school supposedly called police to arrest the parent?

after he'd left?

but then he came back later to be arrested?

doesn't even make sense.

[WatsonT]

34. You're still thinking

don't think. Just be angry.

[msanthrope]

33. We have a very clear picture--see post #32--the cops say they were

called on the Dad, and no mention of the missing kids....

[msanthrope]

32. Actually, the cops themselves make it very clear why they were called--

Blair disputed the statement that police had been called to look for the children. He said the officers threatened to arrest him and told him that they had been summoned because he was upset: "They said they were not called for the children - they were called for me."

Justin Mulcahy, an Anne Arundel County Police spokesman, said a 911 call came in at 4:25 p.m. for "an adult male acting disorderly." He said the 911 report did not mention missing children. "It came to us as a disorderly conduct call."

No arrest was made and the incident ended at 5:04 p.m., he added.

Blair said his daughters were traumatized and are now afraid to go to school. He said he was humiliated by his treatment.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2011/02/04/AR2011020406558.html

I find that reading the links provided is often helpful.