"Congratulations, incoming students..Welcome to P-U"

[SoCalDem]

Here at Paranoid University, you will have no worries about personal security. Along with our other school Failsafe University, we are working to keep you safe

We have installed armed guards on every floor of every dorm.. We have armed guards in every classroom.

The campus perimeter is secured with 8 ft fences with razor-wire on top.

There are cameras observing every path, room, and open space.

All students are required to have a full mental health workup, and to have results posted, so you can choose your companions with care.

Don't forget to attend the student "mixer". You will be given your very own supply of Paxil, Zoloft, Prozac, Wellbutrin (or calming med of your choice). Here at PU, we strive to be mellow, above all else.

Each dorm room comes equipped with its very own gun-rack, for those of you who are "packing".

Each dorm floor has an information center, where you can pick up "report forms". These forms are to be used to alert authorities to any "quiet" students who don't seem to fit in.

Just a word of caution, to end this welcome. Be sure to speak to everyone and "be nice", or YOUR name might end up on a report form.

We want you to enjoy your time at PU and FU, and we will do our best to make sure it happens.

[SammyWinstonJack]

1. "Land of the Free, Home of the Brave"

:eyes:

[eleny]

2. Be afraid - be very afraid

[ends_dont_justify]

3. hmmm

Congress is red,
Congress is blue,
When bush altered college,
He called it P-U

Hah, couldn't resist. ;) what direction should we take though? I mean....so many complain about no security, or too much security. Couldn't we find a happy medium?

[SoCalDem]

5. Exactly.. Life is full of dangers. You can NEVER make it totally safe

For every action one takes to make it safer, there is a kneejerk action that takes something away.

We have a societal problem.. a BIG one..and no amount of mechanical or human intervention at the "end of the line" can "fix" it.

I don't know what the answer is, but until people feel comfortable in their own lives, weirdos will always cause havoc and scare the hell out of most people.

[RC Quake]

4. What about faculty, staff and administrators?

Whose going to do the mental checks on them? Because I believe they need it more than the students do!

[SoCalDem]

6. Sometimes they are pretty loony.

I had a sociology professor who mumbled, and no one could understand a word he said:)