Conservatives decide Bible is too liberal

[NJmaverick]

They are starting to rewrite the Bible to conform to their Conservative ideology

http://conservapedia.com/Conservative_Bible_Project

Here is a good example of what they have in mind


<<Utilize Powerful Conservative Terms: using powerful new conservative terms as they develop;<4> defective translations use the word "comrade" three times as often as "volunteer"; similarly, updating words which have a change in meaning, such as "word", "peace", and "miracle". >>

[CrispyQ]

1. And they still believe it is the word of God?

Do they think they are the first ones to do this? :eyes:

Sheesh. The stupid is appalling.

[NJmaverick]

2. They worship their Ideology not any God

plus there is some merit in the idea that conservatism is a mental illness more than a political and social philosophy.

[Echo In Light]

30. "Prosperity" Xianity. Mammon is their true god.

[immoderate]

45. The religious believe they can misrepresent anything...

to those that are less pious than themselves. IOW, anybody.

--imm

[TankLV]

3. Ahhh - that pesky "WORD OF GOD" thingy again...

and what's really sad, is they don't even know the their own BULLSHIT!!!

[CJCRANE]

4. Those Hebrews 2000 years ago were well-known liberals

as were the translators working for King James 400 years ago.

We're better off just to ditch that liberal socialeftist document and write a new one from scratch.

[MineralMan]

5. And Man created God in his own image.

The wingers are just recreating the Bible they way they think it should be. It's been done before. The Bible, as we know it, is a creation based on the politics of Rome in the 4th century. And so it goes.

This conservapedia attempt, though, is exceptionally funny. They have several partial chapters done, and anyone familiar with the Bible will enjoy looking at them.

The funniest thing at all is that they're working solely from the KJV...that bastion of liberal theology.

[Sanctified]

28. Meant to reply to OP.

[EOTE]

49. That's what really kills me.

I'm certainly no theologian, but wasn't the KJV bible made for kind of the exact same reasons the fundies want to rewrite the bible today? Didn't the KJV remove many pesky parts of the bible about helping the poor and the responsibility which must be bestowed upon rich people? Are fundies content with rewriting the bible every few years until they finally get a text that fully justifies their greed and selfishness? Wouldn't it be a lot easier to just slap the words "Holy Bible" on a copy of Atlas Shrugged? :shrug:

[pokercat999]

6. Actually this could be a huge money maker as I'm sure the

99.9% of the stupid RW christians would buy these new conservative bibles by the zillion.

The NEW AMERICAN CONSERVATIVES BIBLE, the WORD written as GOD wanted You to hear it. I can just see the retail displays of this new bible in the christian bookstores now, and the money flowing like pure, crystal clear water, flowing down a Spring swollen stream, too beautiful. :rofl:

[ipfilter]

32. They may buy it

but they won't read it.

[Johonny]

34. I don't think so

A lot of them think the King James version of the Bible is the WORD of God. I don't think they are going to be anymore thrilled by this idea than the Good news version of the bible. There's an audience for this, but also the potential to piss off a lot of fundamentalists.

[pokercat999]

51. We'll see, but I think you underestimate their stupidity........nt

[meow2u3]

7. According to conservos, you CAN serve both God and mammon

They profess to serve God, when in fact they serve mammon.

One example of conservos politicizing and radicalizing Christianity.

[MineralMan]

8. And here's the loaves and fishes section, from Mark 6

The KJV is first, followed by the conservapedia version.

35 And when the day was now far spent, his disciples came unto him, and said, This is a desert place, and now the time is far passed:

But when the day was nearly over, the disciples approached Jesus and said, "We're in the middle of nowhere and it is going to get dark.

36 Send them away, that they may go into the country round about, and into the villages, and buy themselves bread: for they have nothing to eat.

The crowd has nothing to eat, so tell them to disperse into the surrounding villages in order to buy themselves bread.

37 He answered and said unto them, Give ye them to eat. And they say unto him, Shall we go and buy two hundred pennyworth of bread, and give them to eat?

Jesus replied "You should give them something to eat," and the disciples asked him "Should we go buy some bread for them?"

38 He saith unto them, How many loaves have ye? go and see. And when they knew, they say, Five, and two fishes.

Jesus answered, "How many loaves do you have? Go check." After the disciples found out, they told him that they had five loaves of bread and two fish.

39 And he commanded them to make all sit down by companies upon the green grass.

Jesus told the disciples to have everyone sit in groups on the grass.

40 And they sat down in ranks, by hundreds, and by fifties.

After they did, everyone sat down in long lines, of fifty or a hundred people.

41 And when he had taken the five loaves and the two fishes, he looked up to heaven, and blessed, and brake the loaves, and gave them to his disciples to set before them; and the two fishes divided he among them all.

When Jesus had the five loaves and two fish, he looked to heaven, blessed the food, and broke the loaves. He gave them to his disciples to feed the people, and split the two fish among everyone.

42 And they did all eat, and were filled.

After everyone was finished eating, they were all full.

43 And they took up twelve baskets full of the fragments, and of the fishes.

The disciples picked up twelve baskets full of crumbs and the leftovers of fish.

44 And they that did eat of the loaves were about five thousand men.

Five thousand men had filled their stomachs on just two loaves of bread and five fish.

[NJmaverick]

27. Surprised they didn't add anything about license deals with food vendors

and how 5000 hungry men represents a profit opportunity

[MineralMan]

37. Yeah, and no mention about what they charged people for

that miraculous food.

"And the disciples collected from each the market price for the fish."

[rurallib]

31. Where's the part where Glenn Beck counted 3 people and said it was 5,000?

[obreaslan]

9. First they hate America & now Jesus too?

:wow:

[NJmaverick]

11. Jesus was one of the first famous liberals

I am sure they will down play his role in their version

[saltpoint]

10. Quite a few fundies have never even READ the New Testament, and now

that they realize it's actually a pro-people kind of thing, they're madder than hornets.

Not as smart as hornets, but just as mad.

[zeemike]

12. I think this is a preemptive strike.

Against any liberal Christians that may want to point out that Jesus was a flaming liberal and his teaching were without question progressive.
they would not like it if there followers actually read the damn thing and started asking uncomfortable things....better for them to demonize it so they will not even look.

[paparush]

13. There gonna have to remove the book of Acts, those pesky parts about

people living together and sharing all things in common.

SOCIALISM! GASP!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Oh and those naughty words from the boy king about give all that you have to the poor? I mean, c'mon, give away the Beemer? PuhLEASE!

[NJmaverick]

15. Jesus was a socialist

[paparush]

18. No Doubt. And he provided universal health care!

I was asking a guy the other day - Did Jesus heal the healthy rich? No. The stories say he healed the poor and the sick.

[yellowcanine]

50. I bet they have no problem with the titty talk in the Song of Solomon, though.

Horny toads that they are.

[paparush]

53. Is there any hot man-on-goat action in the King James version? If so, I bet it stays in.

[yellowcanine]

54. Not overtly but one has to wonder about those "shepherds watching their flocks by night"

[evenso]

14. They are really showing their true colors...

I think this is great news. They are showing the whole world just how biased they are,

[NJmaverick]

17. I think the best word to use is- Hubris

they are showing it big time

[evenso]

23. This just helps to further expose their hypocracy and bigotry

This speaks volumes about who the Christian right zealots really are. They will twist, turn, bend and stretch the words to make it appear that Jesus in fact choose white, heterosexual, American, wealthy, priveleged MEN and Anglo American institutions that sustain their way of life. That's all this is. Period. This is the height of hypocracy. This is a project obviously allied with the attempt to revise early American history and misquote the Founders to suggest that America is a Christian nation (based on their version of the faith).

This is a movement in its last great violent throws.

[paparush]

16. I get a kick out of the Conservative clinging to the King James Bible

(properly interpreted, I just LUV that) as the word of God.

I say to them, so you trust some rich, fat, white, English king, the same kind of rich, fat, white English king that we fought the Revolution against, you trust that guy's staff to have correctly interpreted the word of God without changing anything? Yeah, right.

Then I point out that religions older than Christianity have VERY similar stories (tree of life, great flood, etc....) and watch their eyes boggle. Good fun.

[Ezlivin]

Replacing "Jesus is coming" with "Jesus is returning"

They don't like what the original implies.

And they are covering up all those Old Testament nipples.

[Ezlivin]

20. Replacing "Jesus is coming" with "Jesus is returning"

They don't like what the original implies.

And they are covering up all those Old Testament nipples.

[merh]

19. The Holy Ghost is now the "Divine Guide"

:rofl:

http://conservapedia.com/Gospel_of_Mark_%28Translated%29

[MineralMan]

36. I noticed that, too. Where'd that come from, I wonder?

Divine Guide? WTF is wrong with Holy Spirit?

[merh]

38. I guess that is too spiritual

and spiritual is too liberal.

:eyes:

[MineralMan]

48. Sorta new-agey, I guess, with all that spirit stuff...

I like "Holy Ghost" best of all. Images of Casper dance in my head.

[merh]

52. Hey, at least they are being honest about who they fear & hate the most.

"Pharisees" becomes "intellectuals".

Too much knowledge is evil. :crazy:

[Lance_Boyle]

57. not quite caspar, but

[MineralMan]

58. Well, that certainly is a "holey" ghost.

:evilgrin:

[tsuki]

21. So they are going to remake God in their own image? Isn't there something

in the Bible about that? Or has that passage already been redacted?

[NJmaverick]

25. That's the great thing about doing your own rewrite

you can do no wrong

[kentuck]

22. That's easy!

Take Jesus out of the Bible.

[NJmaverick]

24. I'm sure the conservatives would like to make him just a supporting character

[central scrutinizer]

26. Here's my favorite translation

http://www.thebricktestament.com/

[Sanctified]

29. Wow just wow.

Just when I thought I have seen everything I am never ceased to be amazed by the stupidity of man. I am sure they will ship this Bible wrapped in an American Flag and will have a whole sideline of muscle bound action figures for the kids.

[merh]

33. They claim the Divine Guide is guiding them.

I think their GPS is off.

[aint_no_life_nowhere]

35. Utilize powerful conservative terms as they develop - like "hockey mom"? "moose"? "you betcha"?

"hugh"? "screwn"? "series"?

[FreedomTrain]

39. Not true.

If you had actually read the link you posted, they are saying modern Bible translations are too liberal. Surely you understand the difference.

In any case, I find it hard to believe there's a conspiracy among current-day translators to inject "liberal" code words into the translations, but whatever.

[NJmaverick]

42. The only thing not true is your suggestion that I ddin't read the link

Perhaps you can explain how a thousand year old translation that is too liberal doesn't result in a bible that is to liberal. At least the second part of your post is reasonable.

[Sanctified]

63. If you mean the King James is Modern?

If you read the link you would have seen the first example of Liberal Falsehood they inject is Luke 23:34 which is in the King James Version. Yes it's true the oldest manuscripts we posses are lacking Luke 23:34 however most Biblical Scholars would agree that Luke 23:34 is legit since it's in the spirit of what Jesus would have said and it's backed up by his teachings earlier in Luke 7:40-43. Also the author of Luke was the same author of Acts and in Acts 7:60 we see an almost identical statement from Stephen which makes the decision to use Luke 23:34 in the Bible more credible. These guys are a bunch of Jack Asses who probably attended the Fred Phelps Seminary of Biblical Enlightenment.

[Jack Rabbit]

40. I'm sure Jesus said . . .

. . . a camel can pass through the eye of a needle any damn time it wants.

[jotsy]

41. Religious redefinition, eh? More like redirection, I'd say.

Smart the founders were to leave the crumbs of sentiment that remain an American notion, that matters of the church steer clear from our governance, and more importantly, vice versa.

When folks of all religious schools of thought knock on my door, I tell them of my pride in being a student of faith, free from the confines of religious doctrine. Most say thanks and have a nice day, but the few who remain, are unmoved by my claim and challenge my position using the good book like a billy club. That's when I suggest that said book is written by people interpreting the will of God, and I'm as equally entitled to my own. I remind them that stories have been edited, or removed entirely and that perhaps during some long ago translation, a vowel got changed and what we now revere is a written tower of babble. (Apologies extended to those offended)

I dare say, as I've said here before, no deity deemed deserving would condone the shedding of innocent blood. I need no book to tell me that truth.

Let the rabid right steal their moment in the spiritual sun, they haven't a clue that serenity is a thing that can't be spun.

I know, I know, I'm too corny for such a contemporary crowd.

[starkat]

43. Jesus was a liberal

Amusing...a short review of the definition of liberal... pretty much defines what Jesus was trying to do...and it was the conservative right wing republic of Rome that crucified him for a spoken word while every one stood around and let it happen...conservative "Christians" are living proof...Jesus died for nothing...and now they are re-writing the bible....as well as changing the meaning of words in the dictionary.... to serve their anti social agenda.

Being Greek and not having a problem with words that contain over 4 letters....First and foremost there is no such thing as a conservative Christian anymore than there is a Democratic Republic...oxymorons. Perhaps Greek is a bit too complicated for the provincial White Anti Social Protestants.

Hate it when Greek words are used to define Roman ideology.

[PurityOfEssence]

44. That's right, and they're gonna straighten God out for his own good.

Dammit.

[NoodleyAppendage]

46. Why rewrite the Bible to read conservatively when they can just republish Mein Kampf?

CONSERVATIVES ARE FASCISTS, so why don't they just adopt the REAL fascist Bible?

J

[Nuclear Unicorn]

47. I don't read the bible (have read it) and I don't go to church...

...but the word "comrade" does not appear in any search I just did of several translations.

Granted my search was not of EVERY translation only the more prominent ones but I'm calling shenanigans.

[bergie321]

55. Instead of throwing the money changers out of the temple,

Jesus will now give them a $700 billion bailout because they are "too big to fail".

This is just too easy...

[NJmaverick]

56. I wouldn't be surprised if the money changers get a bigger role than Jesus

when they are done with this.

[Shandris]

59. Wow. Just...wow. I read the link and...

...one of the followup links (the 'Conservative Translation of Mark') through the first three chapters. A lot of innocuous stuff as one would expect, but you can definitely see where they're going and they're not even bashful about it. If you get to that link, note how in the Chapter 2 translations, they change the descriptives about the Pharisees to mean 'the Elite' and 'the intellectuals'.

Indoctrinate a child with this 'translation' for 18 years, home-school them the whole way and you'll have a recruitment system the SS could only DREAM of.

[NJmaverick]

60. If people over look the hubris demonstrated by them

it certainly can be a powerful propaganda weapon

[Toasterlad]

61. And This Isn't An Onion Article?

[NJmaverick]

64. It certainly sounds like something they would have written

doesn't it?

[VOX]

62. HAH! "retranslation is in no way a new translation based on a political agenda." HAH!

From their "Talk" page on this project: "...retranslation is in no way a new translation based on a political agenda. It is rather a new translation whose primary aim is precisely to remove the influence that political agendas have had on previous translations..."

And wingnuts say liberals are experts at nuancing????

Of all the weird shit that right-wingers have pulled lately, this ranks as one of the weirdest. "Liberal bias" in the Bible????? Where do they get the time to think up this b.s.? :shrug: