Okay, I came across this depiction of the Rapture™ and now have a few questions...

[KansDem]

1) Notice the buildings in the valley? They all appear to be on fire or damaged. What's up with that? Do I infer from this depiction that those of us who are not chosen to be raptured will end up with damaged property?

2) What's with the hand(s)? Is this some kind of signal or acknowledgment to the angels that they're ready to go? It appears that the left hand is used most for rapturing but I see one woman using her right hand and a couple individuals using both hands. Do right-handers generally rapture with the left hand and vice-versa, or is it simply personal preference? Even the doll lying on the ground appears to be "rapture handing."

3) The angels... They kind of look like a chorus line. It's difficult to tell from a still depiction if they're on their way down to escort the raptured to Heaven or if they'll just floating motionless in space. It looks like a few of them are playing clarinets. Is this instrument the standard issue in Heaven? And what about those religions that abhor music? What if they're handed a clarinet? Are they going to just say, "No, thanks, I forgot my reed!?"

4) The attire: it appears men need wear a coat and tie, kind of like going to an exclusive restaurant. And the women, it appears, are required to wear a dress. Do I infer from this that there is a dress code for the rapture?

5) And what's with George? Why is it those ****ing Bushes have to be in on everything??!!!

edited to change "the" to "this"

[flakey_foont]

1. Hokey smokes!

stupidity hits new lows on this one....


if lying to the country, which resulted in hundreds of thousands of innocent lives lost, gets a pass for the Celestial shuttle, then I have nothing to worry about.....(but, crap, suit is at the cleaners!)

[roguevalley]

89. no book on earth is more misquoted and misinterpreted than the

Revelation. This is a fifties version of the rapture I am sure. Gonna be a big shock that it will never come.

[Wickerman]

2. When the rapture comes, shouldn't you wear sunglasses

at the minimum, or, perhaps some of those cool eclipse glasses?

[flakey_foont]

3. where's Laura?

didn't make the cut?

[HopeHoops]

5. God's still pissed at her about that boyfriend she killed.

Besides, George figured there would be post-rapture college chicks to hit on and didn't want her hanging around at the keg parties.

[flakey_foont]

11. keg parties?

but I thought ............."In Heaven There is No Beer.......That's why we drink it here"

[Javaman]

49. If that's true, why would moron* george be leading the way?

he* wants to lead the charge to the land of 27 beer taps.

[Mabus]

6. She killed Michael Dutton Douglas as a teenager

She can't go.

[Democracyinkind]

7. closet liberals will stay behind too. lol.

I'm having a hard time believing that story too.

[no_hypocrisy]

13. More importantly, where's Bush's flag pin?

[DireStrike]

38. Fantastic!

Epic post. :toast:

[rbrnmw]

31. Laura Bush is a democrat therefore

She can't be in a rightwing whackjob rapture lol

[RebelOne]

116. I believe that the lady in blue kneeling is Laura. n/t

[Arugula Latte]

4. I thought fundies where going to get sucked out of their clothes when they got Raptured?

Isn't nekkidness involved?! I'm so confused. :cry:

[Mnemosyne]

9. No nekkidness allowed! They will be given their traditional white sheets to wear,

with nifty new hoods! :rofl:

[yellowcanine]

74. I think the correct fundy term for the new clothes is "rainment", probably "dazzling rainment"

Like the angel dudes wear. Wings come later unless you have been a really good fundy like Jerry Falwell, then you get them right away.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

99. the word is "raiment".

[yellowcanine]

104. Dang. I failed the fundy test. I am doomed. No rapture and no raiment for me.

Or maybe I will be raptured nekkid?

[KansDem]

10. Photographic evidence...

[Arugula Latte]

20. OMG! Kirk Cameron's has a dark-colored suit and a checked tie!

He got Raptured and we got Left Behind! He was right! Oh, why didn't we listen?! *wrings hands*

[Sebastian Doyle]

93. That can't be Kirk Cameron's suit!

We all know that he gets "Left Behind".....

[pipi_k]

23. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! OMG

I almost have tears rolling down my face!

:rofl:

[MineralMan]

30. That photo is wonderful! I feel a prank coming on.

I even have an old broken cell phone I could use. A trip to Goodwill, and I could put together an entire family taken up at the local park. The finishing touch: a fancy dog collar next to the little girl's clothing.

Uff da! Looks like I have a project.

[Javaman]

53. oh man...

potential, such potential!!! LOL

[MineralMan]

58. Indeed...such potential.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if prankster folks pulled this one in multiple places simultaneously? Imagine empty clothes showing up in parks and even, of all places, churches.

Could be a cosmic-scale prank. It really could.

The mind boggles with possibilities.

[pipi_k]

60. OMG stop it!!!!

Seriously, I'm gonna bust a gut...

:rofl:

[MineralMan]

62. Nope. Can't stop.

I have this:

http://raptureproject.blogspot.com/

It's not in the Blogger.com listings and not accessible to the search engines. There's nothing there, yet, but a placeholder post. I'm going to think about this a bit. It will take some time to figure out an approach and the timing.

[pipi_k]

64. Against my better instincts...

I've saved the link.

I hold you responsible for any and all injuries suffered by my innards...


:7

[MineralMan]

77. Never follow your better instincts. Rather, follow the other sort.

That's my advice.

[Javaman]

82. I have such insidious ideas worming through my brain...

:evilgrin:

You may have just saved my midlife crisis life!!! LOL

[MineralMan]

83. I just knew you would. But think simultaneity...

Think scale. Think critical mass.

The whole world laughs with you...

[Window]

76. Can you get in some of the people who cannot be raptured showing the gnashing of teeth.

[MineralMan]

87. Well, perhaps a person doing one of these things could actually

be there when it was discovered, looking sad and forlorn or even wailing and gnashing teeth. That would require taking credit for the installation, though, and that might be problematic for some.

[conscious evolution]

80. Good idea.

Keep us updated if you decide to do it.I know quite a few people who would join in.

[MineralMan]

59. raptureproject.org is available.

It is. I can't believe it. I don't have time to set up a website right now, since I'm working on a couple and getting paid for it, but that url would be ideal.

Could do it free on blogger.com, too, as an alternative raptureproject.blogspot.com may also be available.

Uff da!

[MineralMan]

63. Blog established. I'm not sure what I'll do with it, but...

pranking is a possibility.

It's off the blogger list and search engines, so it's fairly private at this point:

http://raptureproject.blogspot.com/

Follow The Rapture Project

[Contrary1]

81. Don't forget to include Fluffy...

[pipi_k]

84. Hahahaha....144,000 spaces...

and God says, "Fuck the humans...I want a cat!"



:7

[DCKit]

114. Somebody has to play a left-behind Mommy or Daddy, sobbing and wailing...

and surrounded by the leavings. Perhaps clutching a bible, maybe even a cat ('cause all dogs go to heaven....).

[underpants]

111. It's Joe Wilson! (R-SC)

another empty suit

[Terry in Austin]

12. Fundies minus undies

Oh, geez, now there's a mental image that's going to need some serious scrubbing!

[Arugula Latte]

21. That's would be a good band name

*adds it to mental list of good band names*

[timtom]

8. Actually, the "rapture" is not biblical.

It's all in somebody's head.

http://biblestudies.suite101.com/article.cfm/is_the_rapture_biblical

"Ever since the end of the American Civil War, a large portion of American Christians have grabbed hold of John Nelson Darby’s idea of the “rapture,” where true believing Christians will simply disappear from this earth while the rest of humanity undergoes a time of great tribulation under the rule of the anti-Christ. Understandably, this idea of “escapism” was extremely appealing after a nation had just undergone four years of the worst bloodshed and death in American history. Yet, the biblical support for this idea is somewhat shaky."

Secondly, Jesus said about the end times (in effect), "Don't sweat it. Nobody knows that time. Not even me."

Thirdly, that painting is one laughable, yet chilling, picture. It raises the concept of "absurdity" to new heights.

[KansDem]

18. "...that painting is one laughable, yet chilling, picture"

Here's another...

[DireStrike]

40. Well there you go

Either god is a liar, or those Bushes are. Distribute this to GOP headquarters ASAP!

[maglatinavi]

43. painting ...

Daddy and Sonny reflecting on sonny's horrendous sins??? Who, who could possibly draw, paint these laughable, ridiculous pictures? :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :puke: :puke: :puke:

[Zoeisright]

50. Are they all pooping?

What else could explain that strange expression??

[pipi_k]

24. It really became popular in 1981

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWRL9NLQqP8



:7

[myrna minx]

67. It's chilling how the fevered hallucinations of a 19th century teen-aged Scottish girl

are the basis for all of this nonsense. :scared: The dispensationalists have really worked a number on their own flock, not to mention the "History" channel.

[underpants]

110. Darby came up with this idea while lying in bed after falling off a horse

or was it that a horse kicked him in the head?

:shrug: only God knows

[gateley]

14. I'm relieved George's illegitimate son (to his left) will be going with them.

Can we run and get the rest of the Bush and Cheney families before the angels touch down?

[LeftinOH]

15. Apparently, you only get raptured if you're dressed in 1950s garb.

[DefenseLawyer]

75. Your tie is too wide, heathen!

Step aside!

[Papa Boule]

16. #4 The coats and ties = conservative capitalist businessmen n/t

[gratuitous]

17. The dolly's going, the baby in the blanket isn't

Gotta raise your hand if you're gonna get raptured.

[KansDem]

29. That's it!!!

Gotta raise your hand if you're gonna get raptured.

Perhaps the angel had just asked, "Okay, who needs to go before we go?"

[Javaman]

57. ...

:spray:

glazed eyed woman: wait one second mr. god, I have to go #2!

god: ugh, fine. (to himself) we are never going to get started at this rate.

[LunaSea]

19. As for number 1...

Obviously some of the people flying through the air (or maybe angels) are sucked into aircraft engines
causing them to crash and start the fires as depicted here-

[madmom]

26. In your first pic, the house in front to the left. The mom and one kid

is going the dad and the other kid are still asleep? Wonder what's the thought behind that one? And I really don't understand the different modes of dress. Some in what looks like pilgrim attire and loin clothes along with more modern dress? These are some f*cked up people no doubt!

[ezgoingrl]

96. Ah, those would be the dead in Christ, doncha know.

They come from all time periods, silly!

[MineralMan]

27. Jebus causes planes to crash into buildings?

That's in the bottom photo. WTF?

Believe in me or die, MF! Nice message. No thanks.

[Arugula Latte]

71. Hmmm ... Jebus has a beard AND he's from the Middle East...

I'm not saying Jebus is a terraist ... I'm just saying, I hope ATF takes a very close look at his carry-on bags.

[berni_mccoy]

32. Holy Shit, a Plane Crashing Into a Building?!? WTF!

[Sebastian Doyle]

95. If the pilot and co-pilot were both Raptured

nobody's flying the plane. Same general idea with all the wrecked cars in the picture. All those cars doing 60+ on the freeway, some of them suddenly without drivers.......

Of course then the reality sets in....... Nevermind the question of whether the Rapture will actually happen or not, but what are the odds that both the pilot and co-pilot on any given plane would both be raptured? And since most modern planes fly more by instruments than by actual human controls, even with an empty cockpit, there probably wouldn't be an instant crash. Though the eventual landing might prove difficult........

[NYC_SKP]

36. Take Note that Those in the "Global Community Church" are Not Going Anywhere. God Damns Them.

God damned Unitarian Universalist Global Community Types!!11!!!

[MineralMan]

39. No fat folks flying either in any of those photos.

Slim down, believe in Jebus just right, or go to Hell!

[DireStrike]

41. Maybe he has to come back for them

You know, circle around and get the van. The big one.

[MineralMan]

46. Nope. It's clear. Jebus hates fat people. Just look at the pictures.

[dana_b]

106. and bike riders

fat people and bike riders are dooooooomed!!

[Libertas1776]

100. For some reason, that reminds me of

an episode of the cartoon Rocko's Modern Life where Heffer gets liposuction and his anthropomorphic fat floats up to heaven...

Heff: "Goodbye fat!"

Fat: "Ah, get bent."

Heff: "I'M GONNA MISS YOU!

Fat: *fart noise* "SHUT UP!" :rofl:

[Arugula Latte]

45. What's up with the colonial guy and the Little House on the Prairie gal

flying together in the lower left hand corner? Are the dead getting raptured and hooking up with people from other centuries before flying to Jebus?

[NYC_SKP]

66. I believe, too, that there are two Native Americans.

It would seem that generations of believers are headed upstairs...

Didn't know ya had to wait, thought ya just went to heaven when you died.

I guess I don't understand the Rapture very well.

:shrug:

[MineralMan]

79. Nobody understands the Rupture very well.

It's a mystery. It's not in the Bible, really, so most of it has been made up ad libitum by various and sundry folks. Lots of fun reading about it on the interwebs.

[Arugula Latte]

42. Radio news helicopter guy: "We've got some Rapture-related traffic delays

on both the North and South-bound lanes of I-95 ... You're going to want to leave some extra time for your commute this morning..."

[yellowcanine]

73. Good News Bad News situation: Bad - tied up traffic; Good - free cars

Of course the cars might be crashed into trees, etc, depending on where the driver happened to be when he/she heard the trumpet sound. Also they are more likely to be gigundo SUVs than Priuses, imo.

[pipi_k]

22. Man, there's a whole lot of weird shit there!

The village on fire...looks like the burning of Atlanta in the movie "Gone With The Wind"


the lady in the blue dress in front...looks like Audrey Hepburn


the little girl in the yellow in front of Audrey Hepburn...what the hell happened to her head? It looks way smaller than the other kids' heads. Was she a victim of some "evil tribe of head-shrinking savages" (i.e. Democrats)?

the little yellow-haired dolly lying on the ground...why is it wearing a Swiss Yodeling outfit, and where are her lederhosen?


Audrey Hepburn's hand is dangerously close to Dubya's crotch. Slut!

[Phoebe Loosinhouse]

25. The head angel looks like a Chippendale dancer about to rip off his garment!

[Ozymanithrax]

28. The Rapture leads to an Orgy of murder and torutre by the will of God

Cars careen out of control. Imagine, a driver taken but the children and wife left in the car. Can you say dead. A pregnant woman is raptured. That means God aborted her unborn child. The unborn child goes to hell because all people are born with original sin.

People are taken in the middle of cooking dinner. Houses get burned down.

The Rapture is a signpost to Armageddon. Those left behind go a bit crazy and begin destroying the world because their are no more highly moral people like G.W. to keep people from answering their most basic instincts. Those that stay behind will create large immoral energy companies, start wars base on 935 lies, spy on each other, and have lots of immoral sex.

Of course, that is when God really lets go and tortures about a fifth of the world's population to death then sends their souls to hell to be tortured to infinity and beyond.

And, Oh Yes, all but 180,000 Jews are murdered by god for not becoming Christian. Only those that covert to Christ and agree to fight Gog and Magog at Megiddo will continue to live. They will fight the last battle and kill everyone who does not covert to a Christian in the last days. All the unsaved dead go to hell for torture.

A thousand years later the gates of hell are opened again, to see if anyone will repent after being tortured by God for a thousand years. Those that don't get a one way ticket to eternity in a lake of fire. The rest get harps and halos for recognizing after torture that they should be Christians.

[hatrack]

107. Ah! Now I see! It all makes PERFECT sense!

Thank you, Ozymanithrax, for providing the moral underpinning I need for my Godless, pointless life!!!!

:eyes: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[BlueMTexpat]

33. Is this by the same artist who paints Jesus riding on dinosaurs?

Or is there simply a "Rapturist" style of painting?

[BlueMTexpat]

34. Yikes ... just saw this other dupe

the devil must have made me do it.

[BlueMTexpat]

35. Self-delete ... dupe

[MineralMan]

37. No sex in Heaven, so all the raptured folks will lose their

genitals when they're taken up. Barbie and Ken smooth jobs for everyone. Spread the word!

[Ruby the Liberal]

44. That picture is beyond disturbing.

[Javaman]

47. To answer your questions...

1) Notice the buildings in the valley? They all appear to be on fire or damaged. What's up with that? Do I infer from this depiction that those of us who are not chosen to be raptured will end up with damaged property?

-well it works like this: when the rapture happens, god wants to totally fuck up the earth. Why? because that would be the reason why people get raptured, silly! and people get raptured because god totally fucks the earth. Understand now?

2) What's with the hand(s)? Is this some kind of signal or acknowledgment to the angels that they're ready to go? It appears that the left hand is used most for rapturing but I see one woman using her right hand and a couple individuals using both hands. Do right-handers generally rapture with the left hand and vice-versa, or is it simply personal preference? Even the doll lying on the ground appears to be "rapture handing."

-all those with their hands down won't be fleeced. Left hand, right hand, both hands, its personal preference.

3) The angels... They kind of look like a chorus line. It's difficult to tell from a still depiction if they're on their way down to escort the raptured to Heaven or if they'll just floating motionless in space. It looks like a few of them are playing clarinets. Is this instrument the standard issue in Heaven? And what about those religions that abhor music? What if they're handed a clarinet? Are they going to just say, "No, thanks, I forgot my reed!?"

-they are just teasing the xians, but not without a floor show! Chorus Line did well, but they are onto The Music Man now.

4) The attire: it appears men need wear a coat and tie, kind of like going to an exclusive restaurant. And the women, it appears, are required to wear a dress. Do I infer from this that there is a dress code for the rapture?

-they watch to much Mad Man. They all keep an suit and tie with them where ever they go. They believe ad agencies are gods answer to heaven.

5) And what's with George? Why is it those ****ing Bushes have to be in on everything??!!!

-heck if moron* george is leading the way, you know it's got to be the right move. right? RIGHT?

[woo me with science]

48. More...

more rapture destruction, ironically from www.his-amazing-love.org


Archie comics rapture


Russian rapture

[maglatinavi]

51. Depiction

Where the hell did you come upon this laughable depiction? ... and with the Shrub signaling the angels to come and get him? Too bad the angels didn't "raptured" him in 2001 ... what a blessing for the country it would have been!!!:evilgrin: :kick: :rant:

[tosh]

61. No, No, No!! What about dick?!?

[appamado amata padam]

52. Things to do:

*Secure appropriate attire from vintage clothing store.

*Practice secret arm/hand gesture.

*Assemble survival kit to escape Flaming City of Wanton Heathens.

[Arugula Latte]

69. Some say only 144,000 people will get Raptured ...

so I'd add "* Kiss some major Jesus butt" to your to-do list.

[appamado amata padam]

90. Oh, I do that anyway,

to impress the chix on "E-Harmony." :-)

[Arugula Latte]

97. "I enjoy candlelight dinners, bike rides in the wine country, walks on the beach

and smoochin' me some Jesus patootie."

:D

[appamado amata padam]

101. hahaha -

*Sneaking notes at Bible Camp

*Blowing kisses from across the Mega-Church Mega-Sanctuary

*Snuggling at Harry Potter book-burnings

:-)

[gaijinlaw]

105. If the world is ending,

I always thought we were meant to lie down and put a paper bag over our head or something.

[woo me with science]

54. Does anyone still have the Shirley Temple rapture pic?

DU had a wonderful thread and commentary on Rapture Art a while back, started by Bluebear, but many of the links are dead now. I wish I could find that Shirley Temple one now.

See:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=364&topic_id=1785873&mesg_id=1785873

[Javaman]

55. note the woman in blue the foreground with the girl in the yellow dress

that woman is like gigantic. the perspective is screwed up.

[Taverner]

56. I'm pretty sure that Dubya has been PS'd in

[damntexdem]

65. Are you sure that it's the Rapture?

Couldn't it instead be "Sunday in the Park with George Bush"?

And why the trademark symbol on Rapture?

[MindPilot]

68. Yet they don't accept evolution...

[yellowcanine]

70. I always thought you left your clothes behind and got new "rainment"

Maybe that part just hasn't happened yet?

Also, I thought it was instantaneous, in that you got swept up with the angel dudes and so there would be no need to stand on the hillside waving. In fact, if you are standing on the hillside waving seems to me you have been LEFT BEHIND! The horror.

[dflprincess]

72. So, not that I believe this crap, but when one considers all the socialist stuff Jesus spouted

about feeding the hungry and all, how can the wingnuts be so sure that they're the ones who'll be "raptured". Maybe Jesus will decided he likes liberals better and leave the right wing jerks to duke it out among themeselves.

:rofl:

[Contrary1]

78. Looks pretty accurate to me...

After all, the people of color are standing behind the whites, who will be raptured first, in case they run out of room. Is that President Obama standing behind the woman holding the baby? Will the angels need to see his official birth certificate before he's allowed on board?

[woo me with science]

88. I'm not sure that's Obama.

It might be Nat King Cole.

[hatrack]

109. Or maybe Ornette Coleman?

God is a serious free jazz fan - of course!!!

[Sequoia]

85. Perhaps they are shielding their eyes from the bright light.

Those fires though....from what I remember the non-rapture people will be left on earth to endure years of torture by ole Lucifer and his ilk but won't be able to die. Sounds like Zombies to me!

[billyclem]

86. The fundie biblical source for the rapture

As another poster has mentioned, the rapture was the idea of John Nelson Darby, an English clergyman who found an attentive audience in America in the late 19th century. The rapture really took off with the publication of the Scofield Reference Bible in the early 20th century. This was/is a highly annotated and cross referenced version of the King James translation. The author was a true believer in the rapture and featured it in his notes and explanations wherever he could. This bible is still used as a prime source by fundamentalists and dispensationalists. The problem is, many if not most confuse where they read about the rapture. Did they read about it in actual bible text or Scofield's notes? It was in the bible, right.

Scofield was a bible scholar. He was also a US Attorney(R) forced to resign due to questionable financial deals, then a convicted forger and an alcoholic who abandoned his wife and children. Just a little background bio. Am I being too judgemental or does it seem that even after 100 years some things have stayed the same?

:evilgrin:

[gleaner]

115. The Rapture is not in the Bible .....

They cite Revelations as the source, but all there is in Revelations is a brief passage about Christ promising the members of a church which has been gone for 2000 years that he would return for them. That's it. The rest of Revelations is an allegory which you have to decipher for yourself. The only problem with that is that one of the first things you find in Revelations is a passage forbidding the reader from trying to interpret any part of it.

This is from the regular King James Bible. Darby made up his beliefs as he went along and to suit himself. It is true. The more things change the more they stay the same.

That picture looks like something you would see in Marvel Comics. But where is Wonder Woman? Wouldn't you want her to go through some Rapturous times with you?

By the way. Welcome to DU.

[nc4bo]

91. Where are the Afro-wearers?

Dammit. I'm outraged.

:hi:

[TK421]

92. Sorry, but if I ever saw these things around I'm calling these guys

[Kitty Herder]

94. Why are they all dressed in 1950s-style clothing?

I thought this was an old illustration at first glance. Then I saw Georgey. WTF?

[Sheltiemama]

103. That was my second question.

After wondering why George was there, of course.

[Toucano]

112. Justice Roberts' children look just like that!

50's style clothing is good for your soul.

But no leather jackets, Fonzarelli!

[Solly Mack]

98. Bad acid will do it every time

[Libertas1776]

102. It didn't happen in 1844

and it didn't happen again yesterday. When are we scheduled for another Great Disappointment?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Disappointment

[spanone]

108. this looks like it's right out of the fifties, when i was a kid

[ThoughtCriminal]

113. Nah, that's not the Rapture...

They're going Galt!