A lighter moment

[madamesilverspurs]

Our mayor, who learned decorum by watching television wrestling, has announced that he won't be seeking a second term. When he was interviewed about his decision he really did say that he hates the local newspaper (probably because they caught him in the act of behaving like an infant with a dirty diaper and snitched on him - repeatedly). Anyway, that's what prompted this column:


Hate The Tribune? Well, quit!

by Mike Peters,




Our job here is done.

Finally, we apparently got something right, even though we didn't know what we were doing.

Until this week, we all thought Big Ed, our Mayor, was planning to run for SOMETHING (Mayor again or city council or school board or City Mosquito Inspector) but he announced that he won't be running again, because “I hate the Tribune.”

Huh?

That's a reason not to run for office? Because you hate The Tribune?

Mr. Mayor: If everyone who hated The Tribune refused to run for office, what would we have left?

ANCHORAGE, ALASKA — Former governor and presidential candidate Sarah Palin today revealed the REAL reason she resigned from office earlier this year. “It's because I hate the Greeley Tribune,” Palin said, wearing a fashionable hunting outfit.

She said she's never read the Greeley newspaper, but several friends told her it would be politically advantageous to hate it.

GREELEY : All of the Greeley City Council members announced today that they would not be running for office because they hate the Tribune.

No one could be found who actually LOVES the newspaper, so, following that standard, there will be no Greeley City Council this year.

Voters said they appreciate the Tribune's efforts to be hated.

DENVER — Thousands of elected officials fled the state capitol building today, when they announced that only people who love the Greeley Tribune will be able to stay in office.

Several state leaders said they also hate the Denver Post, Fort Collins Coloradoan and the newspaper in Kersey, but those are acceptable to hate.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Just when Congress was planning to return to work this week and fight over the Obama Health Care Legislation, most of the Congresspeople resigned because they hate the Greeley Tribune.

Said President Obama: “I want to thank the Greeley Tribune (although I secretly hate it) for eliminating all the opponents to my health bill.”

Unfortunately, all the supporters of the health bill also resigned because of Tribune hatred.

It has been predicted that nothing will be accomplished in the U.S. Congress this year. That isn't news.

WELD COUNTY — By accepting the new standard index (anyone who runs for office must love the Greeley Tribune) everyone who was running for Weld County offices dropped out of the race today, leaving vacant seats for county commissioner, sheriff, treasurer, county clerk and all of those other county offices that nobody really understands.

The county will be run by those people who sleep in Lincoln Park until some of those rare Tribune Lovers are found.

GREELEY — Tribune editor Randy Bangert resigned from office today and went into hiding in a mountain cave, where he will be forced to eat bats to keep from starving.

Reached by cell phone, Bangert said he resigned for “personal reasons.”

However, according to a source at The Tribune, Bangert actually resigned because he really likes the mayor of Greeley.


The name Gnarly Trombone was taken from an 1871 Cincinnati newspaper that misread Horace Greeley’s handwritten name of the Greeley Tribune. Mike Peters is a Tribune staff writer. He may be e-mailed at [email protected].


http://www.greeleytribune.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20090829/OPINION/908289955/1029&template=printart