Nation's Unemployment Outlook Improves Drastically After Fifth Beer

[meegbear]

Despite ongoing economic woes and a jobless rate that has been approaching 10 percent, U.S. unemployment projections drastically improved Monday after the consumption of five beers.



"It's going up," leading economist David Singleton said confidently, indicating the predicted growth in jobs with an upward wave of a Bud Light bottle. "All the way up. By the end of the month. No problem."

Singleton said the economy would begin its rebound once employers realized that there were many currently unemployed skilled laborers across the country who would "bust their asses" in a number of growing fields.

"Whether it's manufacturing, finance, hospitality, or manufacturing, these dudes trying to reenter the workforce right now have awesome skill sets and, most of all, they really deserve it," he said. "They're great, great guys. All of them."

According to analysts, both long- and short-term forecasts showed signs of recovery between the third and fourth beer, but the fifth alcoholic beverage was the point at which the employment rate began to close in on 100 percent.

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http://www.theonion.com/content/news/nations_unemployment_outlook

[wroberts189]

1. Bud Light? spitzooey... I need a 100 proof.

Before I start seeing Leprechauns.


Now if only I could catch one of the buggers..

[saigon68]

3. Southern Comfort 100, Smirnoff Blue also 100 proof

Both Work fine.

You can get that "Rosy Edge" on the world

[Greyhound]

5. Turkey 101 over here please.

On the rocks and keep 'em coming, this is going to be a very bumpy ride.
:beer:

[saigon68]

9. That's nice and smooth

[ItNerd4life]

2. I wish this were true. nt

[Cleita]

4. Throw in a few shots of whiskey and some fairy dust and it would be

even better.

[saigon68]

8. Milwaukee's Best and a shot of Corby's THRIFTY

Milwaukee's Best Miller's economy label. It is 4.3% abv. Commonly referred to as "Beast"

Sells here for $11.28 a 30 pack 0f 12 oz cans

Corby's whiskey $ 8.99 for a 1.75 litre bottle, 80 proof

[gratuitous]

6. Only five beers?

Frickin' lightweight economists! B-school boys who couldn't cut it in math past Calc I.

[Initech]

7. Five beers? I need 30!

And preferably something in a 12% Belgian ale like a Chimay or Westmalle. :toast: