Personal thank you to the gay rights advocates

[noamnety]

I owe a huge thank you to the gay community, which I want to do publicly because so often these rights are treated as a "special interest" issues, as if they only benefit the gay community. The straight people who directly benefit from the work of the gay community don't always take time to acknowledge it.

My daughter moved to Chicago last month and got a full time job which will allow her to get health insurance.
Her boyfriend, who shares a house with her and has been with her for the last 4 years, got a job with a small employer, no health benefits.

They don't want to get married at this point. But because of the work of those uppity gay folks who wouldn't shut up and wait til poverty and war and other more important issues were "solved" - and those folks who wouldn't wait for a more politically convenient time - Chicago has a domestic partnership registry. For $35 they can register as domestic partners (which they are). And then he can be added to her employer's health insurance plan and get coverage that he would otherwise never be able to afford on his $8/hour wages.

I have mixed feelings about domestic partnerships because it's not equality, it's an example of gay couples having to settle for 2nd class status because it's better than the complete nonstatus they had before that. It's a slap in the face - but better than a full on assault with a deadly weapon, if that makes sense.

Mixed feelings aside, I am very much aware that the struggles to even get that amount of recognition is directly resulting in my daughter's boyfriend being able to get health care and in a crisis that could be the difference between him living or dying.

Thank you.

[Booster]

1. We all owe the gam community our love and support.

It will take time, but it will come.

[BlooInBloo]

5. Erm... I like legs as much as the next guy, but that might be going a little bit far.

:P

[Booster]

15. Damn. I feel like a Freeper.

[Behind the Aegis]

2. Awesome post.

This is a very nice testimony and I hope more people read this. I would be OK with DP if marriage was also allowed, the reason is because this would allow other "couples" to take advantage of programs not accessible to singles. I am thinking of seniors and family in need.

[noamnety]

6. Seeing the benefit first hand

I agree. Domestic Partnerships and marriage should ideally both be available to everyone without discrimination. They are different things with different advantages (and disadvantages) - one shouldn't be offered up as a cheap substitute to placate those who aren't allowed to have the other. I've had neighbors who were siblings who shared a house, chores and expenses. That seems like a domestic partnership to me - and I don't see that the state has a compelling interest to demand they are in a sexual relationship to declare it a partnership.

[Behind the Aegis]

7. Keep'em coming. Another great post.

The siblings example is what I had in mind. I also agree, I should have the right to choose (I don't even have that choice in Louisiana). The state should never be in the business of determining what does and doesn't constitute a family with very few exceptions.

[reflection]

3. Excellent post. k/r

[Echo In Light]

4. Always support them! They're a prime target of the fascists in this country...

...who work diligently to close the open, tolerant society. Such dangerous minds will never stop with coming up w/different targets/groups of people they want to see done away with. ALWAYS support the gay & lesbian community!

[justiceischeap]

8. Make sure your daughter's boyfriend or your daughter asks about taxes

My two roommates (lesbians) considered sharing health insurance because they both work at jobs that offer health benefits to same sex partners. When they looked into it, for the partner that went on the plan, it was considered taxable income or some sort of nonsense. Either way, she would have been taxed extra for being on the health plan and vice versa. So, yeah the benefits are there in some instances but sometimes you have to pay more for said benefit.

Anyhoo, make sure they check on that. Hate to them get in trouble with the "man."

But yeah, yay gays!

[noamnety]

10. Thank you!

Their tax bracket's pretty low so I doubt it's an obstacle for them. I will make sure I will pass that on so they don't create other problems for themselves.

[Starry Messenger]

9. k&r

[hfojvt]

11. four years together and they don't want to get married

I don't get it. Is she 19?

[Behind the Aegis]

12. My neighbors have been together for 27 years and have children.

They aren't married. They had no desire.

Edit: Changed 3 to 2

[noamnety]

13. She's in her early 20's.

I don't know that not wanting to get married requires an explanation - I never thought to ask her about that.

[Toasterlad]

14. You're Welcome...But Please Don't Be Offended When We Don't Settle.

Separate but equal worked out nicely for your daughter, because now she doesn't have to choose to get married in order to get the benefits she otherwise wouldn't get for her boyfriend. Gay people still don't have that choice. I'm glad that you acknowledged that, although it has some benefits (literally), it's still, at the core, an insult to gay people.

It would be nice if society would treat committed couples - gay and straight alike - who don't want to legally commit (for whatever reason) with benefits like the ones your daughter is getting. But until gay people are legally able to marry and enjoy ALL of the same benefits as straight married couples - including the status of marriage itself - anything else is a mockery of equality.

[noamnety]

16. I completely agree

I've been pretty vocal about that here and elsewhere, whenever I see people saying "hey, I have an idea - how about we just settle for civil unions since it's the same thing" or "how about if atheists and gays all do civil unions performed by the state and just the religious straight people get real marriages in churches?" as if nobody in the gay community has ever considered their unique and brilliant perspective on that.

I was torn about posting the OP. I am very much aware that there's an incredible amount of straight privilege wrapped up in this, that my daughter can get yet more advantages in the world because of the struggles of gay rights groups. Privileged classes getting ahead on the backs of the oppressed isn't something to rejoice about, and if I were gay I don't know if I would read this post as yet another insult. At the same it might be worse to benefit from it and not even have the decency to acknowledge it.

It would be great if everyone benefiting from the struggles felt obligated to help in some way toward to struggle for marriage equality.

[Toasterlad]

17. I'm Glad You Posted It

Both straight AND gay people tend to forget that straight people are more than likely going to be affected in some way by any gay legislation that comes along. We need frequent reminders that it's not just a "gay" thing: that we're all in it together.

[myrna minx]

18. Excellent post.

K&R.