A friend of mine, who is a lesbian, has lost custody of her daughter and has to go by this "10-6"

[backtoblue]

rule which mean that on days she has her daughter, she cannot have anyone (male OR female) at her house before 6am or after 10pm. Is this not a form of discrimination? I don't have alot of gay friends, so I don't know how the custody thing works, but this seems shitty.

[scheming daemons]

1. That's fucked up. What state?

..

[backtoblue]

3. arkansas

In a rural part of the state. It seems to me that folks around here are less tolerant than most people.

[scheming daemons]

5. Not to be discriminatory, but I figured it was in the South....

...unreal.

[ingac70]

happens all the time down here...

gay or not.

[dashrif]

19. +1 Buddy

of mine had the same thing happen to him his ex did not like his new gf, vindictive yes and happens all the time.

[proteus_lives]

22. That's unfair, she should fight it.

Why though? Because of the ex-husband?

[uppityperson]

2. wtf? where is that? Seriously fucked up

[ingac70]

4. I know several hetero folks...

that pulled that one on their former spouses/partners. If you ask that of a judge he/she will grant it.

I live in TN, and that isn't unusual here.

[backtoblue]

10. that rule is placed on straight parents, too??

I don't understand what circumstances would cause such a ruling unless they were having sex in front of the child, in which case there should be no visitation at all.

[Lex]

12. never heard of it for straight folks unless

there has been some impropriety found

[Baby Snooks]

17. It's quite common...

Usually when there's a "rival" involved even though there's been a divorce. The jealous ex can't stand the thought so they use the "I don't want my children exposed to immoral behavior" angle to convince a judge that they are only concerned with the interests of their children.

A friend of mine retaliated by getting married and not telling the ex and of course she was summoned to court when the kids told him about their new "daddy" which of course she told them to tell him.

"Well, your honor, he was notified of the marriage..."

Until recently in most states the mere mention of "homosexuality" was enough to deny visitation unless it was "supervised."

We've come a long way in this country. We still have a long way to go.

[WolverineDG]

20. It's ordered all the time in divorce & custody cases

no "unrelated adults" spending the night when the kiddos are around.

dg

[Lex]

24. but then they can get married and it changes

no doubt

[ingac70]

23. Yep...

and it doesn't take special circumstances, just a parent requesting it from the judge.

[Lex]

25. what if the other parent remarries?

nt

[ingac70]

27. Then it doesn't matter....

as the order generally says "unrelated adults".

[Lex]

28. so for the lesbian in the OP, she probably can't get married

so she's just SOL.

[ingac70]

30. She could go get married in a state that allows it....

but it won't do her any good once she gets home. And she'll probably lose all visitation with her kids.

[Lex]

31. right, it won't matter when she returns home

it won't be recognized in her home state

it's no wonder that that people are pushing hard for marriage equality

[cali]

6. wtf? that's horrible. what happened?

[book_worm]

7. That's very lousy. Did she lose custody of her daughter because of her sexual orientation?

[backtoblue]

11. That's what I understand

My son plays T-ball with her daughter, but I'm pretty sure that's the only reason.

[bluestateguy]

8. Can it be proven that her being a lesbian was a factor in this decision?

Does her state have any discrimination law pertaining to gays?

[backtoblue]

13. I don't think she would be able to afford a competent lawyer to fight it.

[KamaAina]

14. Wouldn't Lambda get involved in something like this?

http://www.lambdalegal.org

[backtoblue]

16. Not sure

but thanks for the link! I'll pass it to her! :hi:

[Lex]

9. I know a dad who lost visitation with his kids because

the mother decided she didn't like that the kids went to his house on the weekends while the dad's longtime partner (male) was there (he LIVED there/they owned the house together). The dad and the partner had been together for several years. Absolutely no allegations of anything amiss. The court ruled the dad couldn't have his own kids over to his house because his partner lived there too and was in the house. The kids, by the way, thought the partner was cool and "cooked food way better than Dad."

The mom, on the other hand, had lived with a string of boyfriends, but the court was okay with that. She had primary custody.

[Ian David]

15. Tell your friend to contact NCLR or GLAD

National Office
870 Market Street Suite 370
San Francisco CA 94102
tel [phone]
fax [phone]
General information: [email protected]
http://www.nclrights.org


GLAD: 30 Winter Street, Suite 800 | Boston, MA 02108 | P 617.426.1350 | F 617.426.3594
http://www.glad.org/
http://www.glad.org/rights/infoline-contact/

[Control-Z]

18. Under what circumstances

did she lose custody? Was it just for being a lesbian? Or were there legitimate charges brought for some other reason? It makes me want to vomit if losing custody and being forced to live under such a restrictive rule was because of her sexual orientation.

The "10 - 6" rule sounds like one that would be imposed on a sex offender.

[mamaleah]

21. I have heard of things similar to this

When my neighbor and his wife divorced a few years back, they had a very convoluted custody/visitation arrangement. Their divorce swirled around the fact that both of them had affairs. Well, the husband was still continuing his relationship with his gf so he got smacked with one of these.

Basically, he is not allowed an "overnight guest" while he has his kids over. Now, if he and his gf marry, obviously that changes things.

[Lex]

26. and he *can* get married

so there ya go

[Politicalboi]

29. In the 90's it was either

West Virgina or Virgina that took custody away from the biological mother because she was a lesbian. The grandmother (Her mother) went to court and won custody. Just because of her lifestyle.

[DU GrovelBot]

32. ## PLEASE DONATE TO DEMOCRATIC UNDERGROUND! ##

This week is our second quarter 2009 fund drive.
Donate and you'll be automatically entered into our daily contest.
New prizes daily!



No purchase or donation necessary. Void where prohibited. Click here for more information.

[TexasObserver]

33. Sounds as if she violated a court order to the contrary.

It's never a good idea to take on faith the story one is told by a person who loses custody. They tend to leave out the parts where they violated the court's orders, engaged in violent behaviors, or were otherwise a danger to the child.

It is common in child custody for the love interest - gay or straight - to be prohibited from being in the home from 10 PM to 6 AM. It's not the orientation that is at issue, but the presence of the love interest.

And it appears she hasn't lost custody of her daughter. She still has overnight visits. Perhaps she lost primary custody, or equal custody, but if her daughter is spending the nights, she still has custody, just not primary custody.

It sounds as if she lost primary custody because she got caught violating the court's order.