Where do I apply?

[Tab]

I've mismanaged my money. I've suffered a loss.

I'm ready for my bailout.

I don't need billions (although I wouldn't object) but I'd be happy with a few hundred thousand, if not more.

Does someone have the address of where to apply?

[polichick]

1. Good news: YOU QUALIFY!!! Only those who have mismanaged their money need apply.

[DJ13]

2. You'll have to get your kids to agree to reduce their allowance to equal

....the poorer kids down the street before you can be considered worthy of a bailout.

[rpannier]

3. Apply now before Bush leaves office

Claim you're a life-long republikkan who supported bush both economically and politically through all 8 years -- Hell...back when he was governor of Texas.

Report you need 300,000,000...There's so little time left, you'll probably get it.

[KansDem]

4. Here's your application!

http://www.sba.gov/idc/groups/public/documents/sba_homepage/guideline_tarp_capitalpurchase.pdf">TARP Application

Four pages of instructions
Two pages of application

That's all! Good luck!! :hi:

[shireen]

5. you must first call yourself a bank. How does First National Bank of TAB sound?

then fill out the form at
http://www.sba.gov/idc/groups/public/documents/sba_homepage/guideline_tarp_capitalpurchase.pdf
pages 5 & 6.

Good luck.
:D

[lapfog_1]

6. File paperwork to declare yourself a bank

or better yet, a bank holding company. Besure to roll your assets and losses into the corporation.

Then fill out the following form:

http://www.commentculture.com/forums/US-Treasury-Dept-TARP-Bailout-Application-Form-t471.html#entry575

When filling out the form, ask for $1 Billion, and explain that you expect to be able to repay $999,500,000 almost immediately through a "asset repurchase and liquidation process" (they won't know what that means so you don't have to tell them).

Tell them that you expect to pay a base salary of $500,000 to your executives, accounting for all of the rest of the bailout. And that you need the money right away (provide a bank routing number and account). You should be all set by 2 or 3 working days from now.

The form is all of two pages, with only about a dozen pieces of information required.

I wish I was kidding about this.

[RC]

7. Did you gamble with other people money without their knowledge?

Did you setup any pyramid scams?
Did you donate hundreds of thousands to bu$h?
Were you pulling down millions in bonuses for all the profits you were generating?

No? the you are flat outa luck.

[Mugweed]

8. There is an application fee, though.

It takes decades and millions in hard and soft money contributions to purchase favor from the people who control the money. Otherwise your application gets "lost" in the shuffle. If you haven't aleady paid, I would pretty much start practicing your bindle-tying skills and research which cities are nicest to the homeless.