"For Your Safety" .......... "For Your Protection" .......... "To Ensure Quality"

[Stinky The Clown]

Aside from being grammatical horror shows, those are among the most disingenuous, Orwellian, misleading phrases ever used by corporate America to fuck us.

These little gems are encountered whenever you are paying for something, or checking something of yours held by someone else, or attempting to verify that what's yours is still yours.

Do me a favor. Lemme look and lemme decide what I need for my protection.

I call these things Corporate Condoms.

[lapfog_1]

1. Too many lawyers. - n/t

[Idealism]

2. The US employs the most lawyers of any country in the world

Its over 200 lawyers per 100,000 people.

Japan, by comparison, has 7 lawyers per 100,000 people.

[RandomThoughts]

3. Here is a few.

Team work - getting employees to treat each other, and bosses, good enough to get max efficiency, but it must benefit the one member of the team who is on top. All other team members are irrelevant and can be thrown out if not profitable, and firings go unseen.

Team huddle - Literally when people group together to quickly discuss the company policies, then give a big cheer on how much they love their company. A forced cult method to get people to love the company emotionally, while logically the company shows it does not do the same.

Suggestive selling - said to be part of customer service, it tries to use peoples passivity, and how most people like to be agreeable, into dollars. Instead of allowing employee to be nice and say things that would be agreed with due to shared humanity. They are forced to say things that will make money for shareholders. Actually its suggestable buyers.

Competive marketplace - idea that competition will make companies more efficiant and goods cheaper for people, while at the same time corporations do not want any competition in the work place for control over how they make the rules, by either contracts with worker groups, or government regulation. And by doing this while they lower prices, they lower the amount of wages available to those customers to pay for those same goods.

[catnhatnh]

4. "For Quality Assurance Purposes...

...This Call May Be Monitored"="I dearly hope so,and Fuck You very much" on my part. Cuz' if you "care" so much,and obviously control so much more (like the ability to record) than the nameless complaint drone you hired at minimum wage to take my irate call, you are obviously much more highly able to solve my problem or deserving to hear what I'm about to say. So answer the phone. Otherwise, why tease me with the thought that anybody in your faceless corporation gives a shit?

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

5. Sounds like an ad for the Army or Homeland Security.

Speaking of monumental rip-offs and false advertising.

[hvn_nbr_2]

6. "New and improved"

I don't hear that one much any more. Maybe because they realized that everyone knew it meant the same old shit in a new box, at best; cheaper, more worthless stuff more likely. Oh, all at a higher price too.

[Sal Minella]

7. My natural gas company, "to improve service," closed down the local office and gave me the address

of a "customer service" office three hours away.

I imagine that one has been outsourced to India by now.

[chomper68]

8. How bout “Fair and Balanced”

[FormerDittoHead]

9. 1) We regret any inconvenience you may have experienced. 2) your call is important to us. n/t