Latest crime trend : TOE LICKERS hiding under cars!!!

[polichick]

CNN just reported a story about a woman who got out of her car in a store parking lot, and then felt something lick her toes. Thinking it was a dog, she looked beneath her car and there was a man!

Lesson: Don't wear open-toed shoes when you go shopping.

:rofl:

[Nitrogenica]

1. Did she immediately get back in the car and drive?

[polichick]

12. She said, "What in the hell are you doing?" lol

[Rex]

2. Anything and everytihing BUT the important news

this is CNN.

[DS1]

3. It's been happening for years

CNN is just running out of distractions

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

4. Hey, Dick Morris, is that you?

Get the hell out from under my car, willya?

[AnnieBW]

61. Ah, ya beat me to it...

ROFL!

[LeftyMom]

5. Damn it sniffa, knock that shit off!

Somebody had to do it. :shrug:

[sniffa]

18. You're just jealous

Wait till you someday visit Boston. :o

[LeftyMom]

34. I don't know how to tell you this but...

I have unattractive feet. :cry:

[sniffa]

47. Ignored!

I can't believe you ruined it for me. :cry:

[LeftyMom]

51. Sorry man.

here, I'll make it up to you:

[ellenfl]

6. how did the licker get under the car so fast? eom

[silverweb]

8. Great minds and all that...

See my comments just below... 3 seconds behind you. :)

[polichick]

9. Hmm, good question.

[DearAbby]

10. Either that or has a long tongue...

ew

[silverweb]

7. That must be a pretty fast toe licker!

If she was just getting out of her car, is it safe to assume she'd only just parked in that lot and hadn't been sitting in the car for more than a minute or two?

Is it also safe to assume that the toe licker knew she had open-toe shoes on before she got out of the car and was therefore real quick and nimble about getting under her car in just the right position to lick her toes (which I also assume would be pointing away from the underside of the car as she emerged)?

Maybe I'm doing a lot of assuming here, but without it the logistics of this ridiculous story just don't add up.

[polichick]

11. Maybe she was getting into her car - I'll have to see if they repeat the story.

[silverweb]

13. Good point. But even then...

... unless he'd already been stalking her,

(1) how did he know when she was coming out of the store,

(2) how did he know she'd go right to her car, and

(3) how did he know she had open-toe shoes on?

If he had already been stalking her, there's a much bigger problem here than toe licking!

[polichick]

15. I don't know - but they showed the woman and her shoes...

...which weren't particularly attractive.

Some people were interviewed about it, and one guy said, "Who knows where the woman's toes had been? She could've had gum on her toes!"

It was really a ridiculous story ~ but true I think.

[silverweb]

19. I think she's full of shit.

I'm having a very hard time picturing a situation in which this is even possible without him actually stalking her first.

And, as I said, if he was stalking her, she's got a much bigger problem.

[DearAbby]

14. She could have just got out of the car...

for him to see the open toes...then went to the back seat to get her child out of the car seat...which would put her in perfect position for the licker...just a theory.

[silverweb]

16. Still pretty tricky.

Where was he hiding that he was in just the right place to observe her perfect toes and open-toe shoes in time to skedaddle under her car silently and unobserved, all while avoiding the hot muffler of a car that just parked?

:shrug:

[polichick]

20. I guess he'd really have to be desperate for a nice set of toes!

[silverweb]

21. I guess so!

You'd think an open-air café would be a place of better opportunity, wouldn't you?

:rofl:

[polichick]

30. A toe smorgasbord!

[silverweb]

35. Oh, stop...

It's starting to hurt!

[polichick]

17. Yes, or standing there putting things in - either way, how absurd...

I love her response - after spotting the man she said, "What in the hell are you doing?"

[DearAbby]

22. She could have said...

Can you get really into between the toes, I have some really cheesy crusty toe jam there...m'kay?

[polichick]

25. LOL - I'll tuck that line away in case it ever happens to me!

[silverweb]

28. OMG...

:spray:

[davidinalameda]

24. just a theory

or a plan for action?

:bounce:

[DearAbby]

31. I am a straight female...they would have to be some

really delectable toes for me to crawl on the filthy asphalt to lick...I mean chocolate covered with cherry syrup.

[davidinalameda]

40. LOL

you never know

sorry

I'll go back and sit in my corner

[morgan2]

59. well what I did was

hide under the car she parked next too.. and licked from there. It took years of refinement to get my technique down.

[DearAbby]

65. Confessions of a Toe Licker...

you know, with your refined talent, I bet you can get a date lickity split...By the way, you're not a dwarf named Slurppie are you?

[wtmusic]

23. Is there a reasonable expectation to NOT have one's toes licked?

CNN's legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin up next.

:rofl:

[polichick]

27. Followed by Sanjay Gupta, who will talk about the health risks of such a hobby!

[cloudbase]

26. I gotta wonder. . .

There doesn't seem to be very much ground clearance under most cars these days, so it would be pretty hard for a person to hide under one.

[silverweb]

32. Just a thought...

Maybe he was a really, really skinny midget. :D

[DearAbby]

39. It was the eighth dwarf of Snow white fame...the one they don't talk about

For obvious reasons...his name is "SLURPPIE"

[silverweb]

44. That must be it!

Slurppie the dwarf... the one Disney couldn't tell you about!

:rofl:

On Edit: Correct spelling of poor dwarf's name... he's got enough problems already.

[alphafemale]

29. Plus, it's fucking hot outside. It;s August. Who's going to crawl around on pavement?

Do you even know how hot pavement is this time of year?

They usually save these kind of bogus freak-out stories for Oct/Nov when it's kinda plausible.

[snailly]

33. Holy crap! LOL

At least he's not a biter.

[zeemike]

36. I liked a toe or two in my day

They are pretty good if you put a little peanut butter on them...Honey is good to cause it is sticky and makes for longer sucking.
But now I am not agile enough to get under a car. She would have to co operate a little by taking here shoes off.

[undeterred]

37. If someone wants to lie in hiding under

my very low to the ground car in order to lick my toes- well, I don't really care. He might get run over, though.

[ladjf]

60. Now that's tolerance.

[graywarrior]

38. This is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay worser

http://www.wmur.com/news/4662061/detail.html

[polichick]

41. Oh. My. God!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[graywarrior]

42. Oh yeah....we're STILL talking abou that one.

[silverweb]

45. Definitely worse!

I remember gagging when I first read about that one.

[graywarrior]

46. Here's a follow up

CONWAY, N.H. - The man police discovered in a women's outhouse tank last month says he was searching for his wedding ring. Gary Moody, 45, of Gardiner, Maine, pleaded innocent Monday to trespassing and disorderly conduct from the incident at a rest stop off the Kancamagus Highway.

Moody was arrested after a girl entered the restroom and saw him in the raw sewage tank.

In court documents, the arresting officer reported Moody told him he was doing nothing wrong.

"He told me that he was changing clothes when he dropped his wedding ring into he toilet," Carroll County Sheriff's Capt. Jon Herbert wrote. "He said the ring was very valuable and he did not want to return home without it."

The officer reported Moody said he dropped into the tank through the toilet opening to search for the ring, and hid, out of embarrassment, when someone came into the outhouse.

Police screened the sewage and said they found no rings.

[silverweb]

48. A reasonably creative lie, at least.

I'll bet he had that prepared in advance, "just in case" he got busted... which was sort of inevitable.

Gag.

[graywarrior]

49. He was "full of shit."

Bwahahahahahahahaha!
:rofl:

[silverweb]

50. I almost said that....

:rofl:

[graywarrior]

52. So the two of us now have shit eaten grins

Hahahahahahahaha!
:rofl:

[silverweb]

53. Oh, god...

And on that note, I'd better get back to work... laughing my ass off as I go.

Let's see if I can keep my fingers from tripping over each other. :D

[graywarrior]

54. Me too. I have a shitty drawing to finish.

[silverweb]

55. LOL... I hope it gets much less shitty.

Don't work too hard! :hi:

[graywarrior]

56. You too!

[DearAbby]

66. Gives a whole new perspective on the term MOON FACE....n/t

[SoxFan]

57. LOL! I remember that!

I had driven down the Kancamagus to a Dem dinner in bartlett that same week!

[graywarrior]

63. The Kanc...if there is gonna be a whacky crime, it will be commited there

[Monk06]

43. You're supposed to only lick freshly manicured toenails. Damned amateurs

[UTUSN]

58. Oh. Thought Dick MORRIS was out of the kennel again!1 n/t

[dysfunctional press]

62. why didn't she just close her eyes and think of england...?

i swear- some women just can't lay back and enjoy anything...:sarcasm:

what's a broke but well-meaning toe-loving guy supposed to do...?:shrug:

[FormerOstrich]

64. There has to be a detail or two omitted....

as many here pointed out, the logistics just don't make sense. Not to mention, pretending in some way they do make sense (she was getting into the car instead of out..or...) what a terrible high risk activity. At best, you might very well get kicked in the mouth or the "victim" stand on your head but more likely you might well be ran over why you were attemping to flee......

things the make you go..."yeah, right"


and...(on edit)...I don't have to look beneath my car to see my toes...I can merely look or glance down.

[notadmblnd]

67. He he.. I'll jist take my sister with me....

she has some of the ugliest toes I've ever seen.