Fellow smokers, let's go on the offensive.

[Jack Sprat]

If you are tired of having your healthy habit demonized and being placed on the defensive, join with me in a national campaign to make non-smoking illegal. Before these nosy judmentalists began their crusade to close us out of public establishments, I had no quarrel with these neat-freaks. However, their jealousy of our smoking habits has gotten completely out of hand. Often, we have mused that if bars and restaurants were established for "smokers only", these miserable "non-smokers" would trample over each other getting inside with us, so they would have something to moralize about. They try to imply that our smoke, in some way, taints their hair and clothing. As I have pointed out on numerous occasions, cigarette smoking enhances the softness in their hair and clothing. In the Asian countries, where smoking is more prevalent, smoking results in the luxurious softness of both Oriental hair and soft silk pajamas. Yes, smoking adds a freshness like Bounty dryer tissues and the radiance of the most expensive hair conditioners.

It is time to demand legislation that would require these jealous-boxes to cease and desist from coveting our cigarette habit. Only when we enact legislation to require them to smoke in order to get a drivers license can we expect to get these neat-freaks off our backs. If we can stuff some cigarettes in their mouths and force them to smoke them, they will learn to relax and relieve some the stress that makes them such busy-bodies, snooping around trying to get in everyone else's business. Driver's licenses in each state need to have a picture ID showing each qualifying driver puffing on a Pall Mall, Camel, or Lucky Strike. This will show good intention of each driver and prospective smoker and force the local and federal governments to remove all the taxes from this health plant.

[RedEarth]

1. lol.... what about circumcision and breast feeding

[Atman]

2. I thought smokers already were offensive.

:shrug:

(Good post).

.

[LanternWaste]

12. Rim-shot!

Rim-shot! :rofl:

[Djinn]

37. when everyone gives up

where are all you people gonna get your warm fuzzy feelings of moral superiority?

When you all stop driving I'll stop smoking.

[Atman]

38. So you won't mind if I park my idling car next to your dinner table...

...and blow the exhaust in your face while you're eating?

.

[spoony]

46. Heheh

Your wit has been on grand display in these smoking threads. :applause:

[NRaleighLiberal]

3. We are born non smokers. It is YOUR choice to smoke. Don't pollute our air with your crap!

Your post just reinforces my disdain for smokers. My dad recently died from a stroke - we found a diary that he wrote admitting how he was hijacked by cigarettes - he did manage to quit, and regretted the day he started - for the impact it had on his marriage, his health and the family finances. Go on the offensive - just please do it somewhere that I don't have to suffer from it!

[Jack Sprat]

13. We are born non talkers and non walkers.

Ike smoked. JFK smoked. Nixon didn't smoke. Bush doesn't smoke. You cannot trust non-smokers. Popeye smoked. There is something about non-smokers that makes them creepy. That's why they should not be allowed to operate a motor vehicle or vote. They are second-class citizens.

[NRaleighLiberal]

14. I give up...way too easy. go have a butt take a few more minutes off your life.

[Jack Sprat]

19. Recalling a line from "Platoon" when

Barnes told Red, "ain't nobody gonna live forever, Red." Do you want to get old and spend the last days of your life in a nursing home, where you are sick and abandoned by your children, sitting in your own urine-soaked med-gown, open in the back exposing your 95 year old bed-sore butt, watching your 95 year old skin flake off before your very eyes, which are half-blind by advancing age causing you to stumble all over your ward, breaking your fragile osteoporosis bones, that can be seen bulging through your emaciated old, wrinkled skin. Is this what you want? Well, this is exactly what you are headed for if you don't run down to the Mapco and grab a carton of smokes.

Do you remember Mick Jagger's words in "Satisfaction." "You can't be a man if you doesn't smoke, so send cigarettes to me." This is what he was implying. If you don't smoke cigarettes, you are going to end up in a nursing home as an old octogenarian, NRaleigh. Popeye smoked, but he ate his spinach and drank plenty of orange juice, too. Which is precisely what you need to be doing.

and might I add, your hair and clothes will much softer, too, without the use of harsh chemicals and synthetics.

[unkachuck]

51. Ike and JFK....

....shit too but they had no right to shit in public creating a health hazzard....

"There is something about non-smokers that makes them creepy."

....wrong; what's creepy is a person who tries to commit suicide while sucking on burning weeds and lives to brag about it....

[skypilot]

"...enact legislation to require them to smoke..."

Legalize pot and the whole smoking conversation will become a lot more interesting, I think.

[zorahopkins]

4. Sarcasm Thingy?

Did you forget to put the little sarcasm thingy in your post?

Surely, you can't be serious.

[panader0]

5. I think people should also have to drink while they are driving.

Especially on the freeways. Out here in the Southwest, distances are measured by how many beers it takes to get there......

[sharp_stick]

7. No it's too easy to spill

you should pull over to drink.

[sharp_stick]

6. What if I want a Winston or Marlboro?

Why should we be forced to take a puff on Pall Mall, Camel or Lucky Strike. Damned elitists.

[sabbat hunter]

43. Hey if you are going to smoke

it might as well as be a real cigarette without any filters!

[Mojambo]

8. Nice post, Phillip Morris. n/t

[ixion]

9. I'm onboard with you!

I'm sick of anti-smoking legislation, and being demonized because I smoke.

:applause: :woohoo:

[Jack Sprat]

15. Simply stated, it is jealosy.

They see us drawing pleasure from a gift of nature and they don't recognize the obvious beneficial effects of smoking. The satisfaction we draw from it decreases our compulsion to eat or over-eat. Most of us are trim, even if somewhat gaunt.

The ex-smokers are the worst. This is why we need to restrict them from operating a motor vehicle. If we take their driving permits away, they will think again. These are the road rage folks, anyway. They stay on the edge of their seat. They want a cigarette bad, but deny themselves. Then, they freak out and start shooting people on the freeway instead of having pulling over and buying nature's own sedative. I want to urge you to join this national crusade to have our Democratic candidate take a stand on behalf of smokers and require the Dept of Motor Vehicles in each state to deny drivers licenses to non-smokers, except in cases of diagnosed, chronic lung diseases. These should be exempt, of course. They should still pose for the License ID with a cigarette dangling from their mouth, James Dean style, but it doesn't necessarily need to be lit.

[stillcool]

10. I was wondering why

my hair was so soft. :rofl:

[deminatl]

11. that what kind of worries my about health care

I can see a time when we finally do have national health care, that people who
smoke, or drink, or eat at McDonalds will have to pay extra for health care.

[blondeatlast]

16. Or public education? Like English grammar? nt

[Snarkturian Clone]

17. I'm with you and I don't smoke.

I just want to live in a free country, even if some of that freedom infrequently annoys me when I'm at a bar. Anti-smokers, also known as crybaby hypochondriacs, need to learn how to take care of themselves without the govt's help.

[TahitiNut]

23. Amen.

:thumbsup:

[Lorien]

35. Plus, the GOP NEEDS all that cash from their lobbyists! n/t

[Bake]

60. Dammit, freedom is annoying!!

I, for example, don't care for people who wear red pants.

Bake

[donheld]

18. Millions are dead due to your last "offensive" How many more

have to die for your rotten habit?

[Jack Sprat]

24. I do not recall any former offensive. This is my

first and only offensive, which was brought on in defense of my healthy, and might I add, natural fiber recreational indulgence. I like to think of cigarettes being "aroma therapy". They exude an earthy airborne influence that softens the hair and clothing and give a calming effect to those in a closed structure, except in case of fire. On those rare occasions, everyone should proceed to the exits in an orderly fashion.

I agree that cigarettes and other smoking can lead to death, sooner rather than later. However, living in the age of the offspring of Prescott Bush, is hardly life at all. That said, if you are required to smoke in order to have a driver's license, then you need not feel guilty about your early demise. Thus, you can enjoy yourself in the meantime while you are alive by lighting up and lightening up, with silky like hair and aromatic nicotine-enhanced clothing.

[cobalt1999]

20. You could hold a march in D.C.

Of course with smoker lungs, it would have to be a very short march. :)

[taterguy]

21. This smoker has hiked 18 miles in one day

Fuck you and your generalizations

[cobalt1999]

25. The "generalization" is a proven fact.

Exceptions are meaningless.

[taterguy]

27. Who gave you the right to determine meaning?

Did I miss a memo?

[cobalt1999]

28. You didn't miss a memo but obviously you missed science and statistics.

Across a population of smokers, cardiovascular fitness is proven to be diminished. FACT.

The anecdote about you hiking 18 miles doesn't negate the above fact.

Therefore, it is meaningless.

[taterguy]

29. It's not meaningless to me

And all those studies you quote are biased.

They're all written by healthy people.

:smoke:

[Jack Sprat]

33. lol. that does bias the equation, doesn't it taterguy.

:thumbsup:

[Warren DeMontague]

22. As a non-smoker, I can tell you we're really just JEALOUS 'cuz those things make smokers look so

cool & sexy.

Really. Nothing says "virile & hip" like stage 2 lung cancer.

[Jack Sprat]

26. That would be funny if it weren't so true.

I cannot deny the obvious. I wish you wouldn't say things like that.

[Jack Sprat]

30. This conversation is now over. You have spoiled

the levity with your stage 2 cancer remark. It was mostly in fun. Cancer is an awful disease. Despite my levity concerning smoking, I wouldn't wish COPD, cancer, or anything else on anyone, anytime. See what I mean? You non-smokers are killjoys and very non-sociable. I would never hurt someone like you just hurt me.

[Warren DeMontague]

41. Sorry, Jack, but I watched my dad die of it. I've EARNED the "right" to bring it up, thanks.

You're damn right it's an awful disease. If you think I'm "wishing" it on anyone by mentioning the truth, though, you're sorely mistaken. I wouldn't wish that nightmare on anyone, nor the nightmare of having to witness it in someone you care about.

I'm not interested in killing anyone's "joy", either.. frankly, it's your body and your business what you do with it. If that means trading whatever enjoyment you get out of a pack of smokes for the marked and undeniable risk cigarette addiction carries, that's fully your call.

In an enclosed public indoor space, though, your habit becomes other peoples' problem.

[Bright Eyes]

31. You forgot to add the sarcasm smiley.

If you're not being sarcastic, buzz off.

[Mountainman]

32. So which smoking thread will win the coveted longest smoking tread prize?

[StarryNite]

34. How about demanding that lead paint

be put on every single toy while you're at it.

[mdmc]

36. legalize

[kwassa]

39. I agree. I think smoking cigarettes should be legalized.

no more of this hiding.

[newmajority]

40. Hey, y'all could move to North Carolina and then secede from the Union

Keep the big tobacco companies with you, and design a new flag for yourselves. You could even base it on this lovely picture.....

[Scout]

42. some smokers are already offensive, they don't need to "go on the" n/t

[GoneOffShore]

44. In France even the smokers like the restaurant smoking ban! N/T

[walldude]

45. Why? What's the point?

Frankly I don't give a shit what other people think. I smoke, I keep my smoke away from people who don't like it and that's that. I don't feel like I'm being discriminated against until I come to DU and am told that even keeping my smoke away from others isn't enough. And I just ignore those fucking losers.

[grace0418]

47. While we're at it, I'm going to start demanding my right to set fire to dried shit

whenever and wherever I please! Damnit, I'm sick of having to light up in the privacy of my own home. If I want to bring a ginormous dried turd with me to a bar, set fire to it, and enjoy the stank, what right does anyone else have to tell me I can't do that? So what if it makes their eyes water? So what if they have to spend $20 at the dry cleaners the next day? So what if it actually makes them physically ill? If they're so delicate, they should just stay home and never leave the house. It's MY RIGHT to set fire to a big ole cow patty and if they don't like it, they can open their own bar where setting fire to dried shit is not allowed. What whiners!

[varelse]

53. Oh my god

I nearly inhaled my drink!

Nice one :P

[grace0418]

58. Thanks!

It's nice to have my posts read once in awhile. :)

[Javaman]

48. George Carlin said it best when someone asked him if he minded if they smoked...

he responded, "mine if I fart?"

[taterguy]

56. Oh for fuck's sake

That's a Steve Martin line.

Stop spreading disinformation. There's too much of that already.

[Javaman]

57. Oh for fucks sake...

get a life.

[taterguy]

62. You must not have much of a life if you don't realize the importance of creative work

Martin and Carlin did things that matter, and their work shouldn't be cast aside just because some Bozo decides to spout off at the mouth when he doesn't know what the hell he's talking about.

[Javaman]

64. good grief...

I'm totally fucking sorry that I forgot my oh so important author of pop culture reference.

Jesus Christ dude, get a fucking life.

Perhaps I would have been much nicer in my god damn response if you hadn't answered in such a fucking high and mighty way. Work on your tact, it might help you someday.

In the mean time, go fuck yourself, you are now blocked.

Good lord.

[taterguy]

65. Did I offend you in a thread about being offensive?

Sorry about that.

[madinmaryland]

49. All you have to do is light up and you are being offensive! n/t

[Drifter]

50. Damn it ...

I just quit. If I had just waited 2 days.

Cheers
Drifter

[Jack Sprat]

54. Did you really?

I am planning to try. I love tobacco. It's going to be tough. Did you use any cessation aids? I'm happy for you and hopeful for me.

[nadinbrzezinski]

52. Jack your habit is so damn healthy that when my dad came home

after his fall and fractured hip... and reached for his cigarettes, I went to the doctor to get steroids for my asthma which got out of hand. My problems with smoking in my home have nuthing to do with neatness... but for some silly reason... I like breathing. Thankfully I did not have to go to the ER as well, get some oxygen and end up in the local ICU unit. We caught it early enough where more extreme measures to keep me breathing were not needed.

I don't demonize your habit... err addiction... and yes, it is a medical fact that any long term smoker is addicted... you my dad, does not make a difference... what can I say? Crack cocaine is a hoot and so is crack tobacco. In fact, tobacco's physical dependence is stronger than cocaine... again another of them pesky medical facts.

So if you want to smoke, be my guest, just NOT near me. As I said... I am somewhat addicted to breathing... and asthma is hardly conducive to that, at least in a healthy manner.

[FunkyLeprechaun]

55. Healthy Habit??

I started to work in a pub 5 months before the smoking ban. I'm a non-smoker and currently am trying to find a job. It's really hard at the moment and I asked my friend if she would employ me.

Anyway, I noticed I was coughing a lot more than usual. I would go to the pub for a drink with my friends and the next morning having a coughing fit. Then the ban went in place... NO coughing at all! I feel so much more healthier.

It's a disgusting habit and I swear to god... you LITTER the world with cigarette butts as well. It damages the environment when you just flick that butt out the window.

I've spent 30 minutes outside the pub picking up all the cigarette butts. Nevermind the fact that we leave out ashtrays for the patrons to use! :-(

Ugh. You smokers JUST DO NOT GET IT. I was willing to compromise and possibly agree to Serve food/no smoking, No food/smoking. In my hometown in Minnesota, they did that. My friend is a smoker and when we went out she INSISTED on going into these places.

Of course I would come home stinking of smoke. I swear to god I smelled so bad, I could see the smoke coming off my clothes in the Minnesota winter. My hair, bra, shoes, socks, sweater, shirt, belt, wallet, purse, etc all smelled like an ashtray. Ugh. I immediately washed them.

Smokers don't realise that they smell. As soon as someone comes in the pub, I instantly know they're smokers because they EMIT it from their clothes. It's like really really bad BO. You know what's worse? Being in an elevator with a smoker. It's like an attack of senses. Sometimes, when a smoker leaves the elevator... it's like his smell has permeated the walls of the elevator.

Come on. It's a terrible addiction and you're only proving you're an addict by whining that you can't smoke "freely". You still can smoke in the privacy of your own home. You just can't in public places. You remind me of my friends who vow that they're going to write a letter to the counciller to try to repeal the ban and I'm thinking, "HAH!"

Seriously... it's better to have the ban on smoking.

[blue cat]

61. always known that i smell

just too addicted to care

[FunkyLeprechaun]

63. It really does make any enclosed space

A bit less enjoyable.

[ileus]

59. Haven't smokers always been offensive...