This week at the Rapture Ready board: HEADLINES OF THE RAPTURE!!!11

[Bluebear]

Runaway car crashes! "NUCLEAR DEVIECES ENTONATED!!!" And Congress approves gay marriage. And marijuana!


To all the Tribulation Saints who may happen upon this, this is a list of headlines you can expect to see happen in the minutes and hours following the Rapture: (I cannot gaurentee any of these besides the first, but these all seem very likely)

* Millions/Billions disappear without a trace
Bizarre car accidents- runaway cars crash everywhere with no driver in them.
Stock market in tailspin, America's economy ruined by disappearance
All planes grounded due to chaos in the skies, amateurs attempt to land planes with air traffic control shortage
Iran moves on Israel
Entire elementary schools disappear, remaining teachers completely baffled

Headlines like these mean, "Sorry, you've been left behind," and they will be your first warning that the Rapture has occured. Get your Bible out immediately and start praying. Obviously, you weren't right with the Lord, and time is running out. Pretty soon 1/4 of the planet will be killed by war, famine and pestilence. You don't want to wind up in Hell because you didn't repent immediately after finding out you've been left behind.
RR members, feel free to add.
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I think that the Iran moves on Israel COULD very well happen before the rapture, Gog/Magog is up in the air as to when it takes place.

Otherwise, looks good!

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I think that immediately after the Rapture that the Internet will be in gridlock as everyone will be on trying to figure out what happen. Soon after all sites like this will be taken down for "hatemongering' or some such excuse.
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oTHER HEADLINES COULD BE pRESIDENT AND vICE pRESIDENT AMONG THE VANSIHED.
congress IN TURMOILWITHOUT LEADERSHIP.
NUCLEAR DEVIECES ENTONATED IN AMERICA AND CANADA.
Crime goes out of control
Congress Legalizes pornography ,marijuana ,gay marriage.

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New (potential) Headline for post rapture media:

"Progressives take control of USA, Promise real change."
"The speaker of the house suggests conservatives have "run for cover" to avoid the fury of the angry American public. Polls suggest the average Americans are furious enough to do verbal if not personal harm to the retreating conservative politicians. The grass roots supporters may also have taken a hiatus to lick their wounds as many stations report people have left their homes and jobs in large quantities. Local authorities have expressed concern over the apparent abandonment of some residents homes, cars, and in some cases loved ones. We will update you as soon as we get the official word. etc. and so on.

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lets go, jesus, lets go!

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It is quite feasible that the next terrorist attack on the mainland US will be more deadly and more comprehensive than 9/11, and probably involve nuclear and/or biological agents. If the Rapture were to occur within hours or so of such an attack, it is easy to see how confusion and uncertainty can obscure the fact that the Rapture had happened.

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MILLIONS VAPORIZED DUE TO GLOBAL WARMING!!!
ROOTERS PA:10 minutes ago this report just in.
Unvarifiable numbers from various nations and walks of life have been
seemingly vaporized due to a weakness to global warming.
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this to
Their will most likely be mass suicides as well.

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http://rr-bb.com/showthread.php?t=293078

[CatholicEdHead]

1. Is Fox's 1/2 Hour News Show on there?

It should be.

[Turbineguy]

4. Airplanes

I hadn't thought of that. From now on I'll be sure to ask the pilot if he is a fundie nut bag before take-off.

[A HERETIC I AM]

18. Ok....You owe me a keyboard.

:spray: :rofl::spray: :rofl:

:spray::spray: :rofl:


Too funny

"Hey! Captain? Are you convinced that you must accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and savior and that he will appear someday on a chariot in the clouds? You do? Would you mind letting the copilot fly this leg? Thanks"

[Bluebear]

32. ...

:spray:

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

2. These are not well people.

Really. Not at all.

[JuniperLea]

3. Oh Good God!

I wish they would all leave already! Better yet, someone needs to ask them to prove the rapture is a real deal... scripturally! Can't happen. It's a made up deal.

How pathetic.




...The word "Rapture" is not found in the Bible. There is also no single word used by the biblical authors to describe the prophetic factors which comprise the doctrine. Its formulation has come about by means of induction. Certain biblical passages concerning the second coming (and the role that Christians will play in that event) have been inductively blended together to establish the teaching. The modern expression "Rapture" was then invented to explain the overall teaching and the term suits the subject well. The basic tenets of the doctrine are uninvolved. ...


http://www.askelm.com/doctrine/d760201.htm


There are TONS of explanations like this on the Internets. Someone should clue up! I'm series!


Google "rapture origins" for a blast and a chuckle!

[Katherine Brengle]

5. Holy buckets... I will give them one thing tho - those Left Behind books were a hell of an

entertaining read - seriously.

[CrazyOrangeCat]

6. Rooters

Sweet Jesus on a pogo stick.

[Pharaoh]

7. Boy Bluebear

Those folks are seriously messed up!

What Kinda shit they smoking and can I get some? :smoke:

[donco6]

17. Not til the end of the world, evidently. n/t

[unhappycamper]

8. n/t

Just a k&r.

[Sydnie]

9. lets go, jesus, lets go!

Why do I keep hearing the sound of the the "charge horn" in my head ... like at a ball game?

Daaada de da de da - lets go, jesus, lets go! - Daaada de da de da - lets go, jesus, lets go!

[CrazyOrangeCat]

13. lol

:spray:

guess those revivals are gettin outta hand . . .

[LeftyMom]

10. They think legal pot is a sign of the end of the world?

I've never tried it and don't want to, but that's the stupidest thing I've heard all day, and I heard somebody claim Saddam supported Al Queda earlier today, so my standards for stupidity are pretty high.

[Solly Mack]

11. wow.....it's like a shared acid flashback

[WCGreen]

12. What the fuck is Gog/Magog.....

Jesus...

If Jesus were here, he would not recognize those who supposedly speak in his name...

[donco6]

16. Gog and Magog are supposedly Russia.

Which worked well before Bush and Pootie got so chummy.

[FVZA_Colonel]

20. I guess that came about back in Hal Lindsey's day

thanks to a very... "creative" translation of the Hebrew word "rosh."

[donco6]

22. OH yeah. But it's gospel now.

If it isn't in the Bible, they'll have to write it in.

[FVZA_Colonel]

24. Considering that the doctrine of the Rapture has no basis in scripture,

I suppose someone'll write it in some day. That, or claim to find an "ancient scroll" that validates their theories.

[donco6]

27. I don't even think it matters anymore.

They'll believe anything some pastor tells them. Why bother writing?

Even Paul exhorted Christians to "Be like the Bereans," and read and study for yourselves to determine the truth. But that's now just another verse to be ignored in favor of whatever happens to be the outrage of the day.

[roamer65]

30. Being traumatized "fundamentalist" as a kid...

Gog and Magog are seen as a union between Russia and China. I am sure that SCO has all the fundies freaked out. SCO is the Shanghai Cooperation Organization. Notice the member states.

http://www.sectsco.org/home.asp?LanguageID=2

It is really some of the nastiest fear-mongering I have ever seen. Accept our narrow form of Christianism, or you'll be left behind to suffer and perish under the Anti-Christ. Frankly, if heaven is full of these people, I'd rather go to hell.

[Berry Cool]

14. On their board,

Keith Olbermann signing a new contract is probably one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

[donco6]

15. Not marijuana too!!?? OMG!!!1!

You know, how bad could the Tribulation be if all these nutcases were actually taken away?

[FVZA_Colonel]

21. I actually considered writing a short story along those lines.

As it turns out, the Rapture is God's way of giving mankind a second chance.

[donco6]

25. You should.

Although as many writers have discovered, it's difficult to build a theme when there is no conflict. And without religious fundie whackos, what conflict would remain?

[FVZA_Colonel]

26. That is a good point.

But, I might give it a shot once my next round of papers and tests is finished.

[FVZA_Colonel]

19. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Something Awful really needs to do another Weekend Web

on these freaks.

[magellan]

23. oTHER HEADLINES COULD BE pRESIDENT AND vICE pRESIDENT AMONG THE VANSIHED

Yeah, but it'll be because they're hiding out in their bunkers.

[EstimatedProphet]

28. God those people are stupid. I think their brains were already raptured.

They actually think, that if there is actually a Rapture, that DICK CHENEY will go! As if there's people to shoot in the face in heaven!

[gorbal]

29. I'm just glad it's all over with finally

Now let's see us some Jesus and head to the promised land:)

[CrazyOrangeCat]

31. ..

O8)