Does anyone have that list "How to be a Republican?"

[davsand]

Oh man, the local political board has got an obnoxious post on there (in the "Friday Funny" thread) titled "22 Ways to be a Democrat." Even some of the less offensive local GOP guys are saying it isn't funny. Anyhow, I thought I remembered seeing something similar to that for the GOP at one point in time. The one this guy posted has more than 20 little gems like:



You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U. S. Nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.

You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach fourth graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.

You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.




It goes on and ON, but I think you all get the drift without me having to post the entire blasted thing.

Does anyone here have the GOP version at hand? I am thinking I want to put it up there just to be offensive.

:evilgrin:



Laura

[woodsprite]

1. If you can't find it, I'm sure we could put our

heads together and come up with something.

BTW, teaching sex ed IS probably a whole heck of alot easier than teaching reading. ;)

[Swamp Rat]

2. This might help:

http://www.thefrown.com/?/cartoons/55/495

:D

[Beausoleil]

3. Here you go!

http://www.libertypost.org/cgi-bin/readart.cgi?ArtNum=56066

20 things you have to believe to be a Republican

1. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

2. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

3. Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.

4. "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

5. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all humankind without regulation.

6. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

7. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

8. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.

9. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

10. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

11. HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.

12. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

13. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

14. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

15. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is a solid defense policy.

16. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

17. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

18. You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.

19. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the 1980s is irrelevant.

20. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist; but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

[davsand]

4. Oh, that should stir the pot nicely!

Exactly what I was looking for--thank you!

I posted that along with Swamp Rat's link. I figure the local GOP lynch mob will be forming soon.

:evilgrin:


Laura

[radar]

5. Hehe #'s 12 & 20...

Universal health care to keep all Americans alive longer is an evil socialist monster that will destroy this greatest nation on Earth!!!
...While, on the other hand, buying the cheapest shit made in China is a good way to stretch your dollar & prop up a communist government's iron-fist rule over it's citizens - is a great thing!!!

Twenty-first century corporation-owned America - "what a country!"

[MUSTANG_2004]

6. Both sets are good

They're funny because there's some truth in both lists. And the lists exemplify why I frequently feel like "a pox on both your houses."

[stimbox]

7. "Those Damn Liberals" is always a good one to post.

Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his morning coffee. The water is clean and pure because some tree-hugging liberals fought for national minimum water-quality standards in the 1970s. With his first swallow of coffee, he takes his daily medication. His medications are safe to take because some stupid liberal lawyers fought to insure their testing and safety and that they work as advertised.

All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical plan because some liberal union workers at his company recently fought their employers to provide medical insurance they could no longer afford - now Joe gets it too. He prepares his morning breakfast of bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry.

In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo! His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient according to its amount in the total contents because some crybaby liberal fought for consumer's right to know laws.

Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for laws to stop industries from polluting the air. He walks to the bus station for his government-subsidized ride to work downtown. It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation.

Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working standards throughout the last century. Joe's employer continues to pay for these benefits because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to call the union; which despite the anti-union smear campaign that began during the Reagan administration is still a force to be considered. If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get workers compensation or an unemployment check because some stupid liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of temporary misfortune.

Its noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some
bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FDIC because some godless
liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the
banking system before the great depression. Joe has to pay his Fannie
Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was
educated and earned more money over his lifetime.

Joe gets home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards.

He arrives at his boyhood home. His father was the third generation to live in this house because of loans financed by Farmers' Home Administration; created during the 'New Deal' because bankers didn't want to make rural loans. The house didn't have electricity until some big-government liberal (FDR) stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification. He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, quiche-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to.

Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a popular conservative radio talk show. The radio host keeps ! saying that liberals are evil and irresponsible and that Republican conservatives are true American patriots. He doesn't mention that the beloved Republicans fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day. Joe agrees: "We don't need those big-government liberals ruining our lives! After all, I'm a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have."