Okay, apparently UC San Francisco did a study on teen sex. Actually, I agree with their findings. The title of the article is rather puritanical though:
"Sex of any kind can harm teens emotionally"http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20070205/hl_nm/sex_teens_dcHmm, I was a teen once; and over the years, I've been able to ascertain that my teen sex life was pretty average. In fact, I would call it an era of experimentation more than anything else. Bumbling, fumbling, insecure experimentation. (Love came later, that's when sex got really interesting -- fraught with it's own learning process, but still, undoubtably better). So forgive me if I evaluate this study based on my own experience. But, like I said, I think my experience was pretty average. Did it
harm me emotionally??? I would say it was a learning process.
The article states:
"Researchers at the University of California San Francisco found that
up to one-half of the sexually active teenagers in their study said they'd ever felt "used," guilty or regretful after having sex.Though such feelings were less common among teens who'd only had oral sex, about one-third reported some type of negative consequence..."
Ooo-kay, sounds about right. I mean, we're talking about sex here...young people "learning" about sex. Although, personally, I think many ADULTS can have those same feelings after sex.
Secondly, maybe it's just me, but I think part of the learning process is understanding the emotional side of sex. Feelings akin to love or intimacy can come into play, sometimes surprisingly so, and that may be confusing to a teen just sowing his/her oats. There's also the "yuck-facter"-- that is, messing around and then feeling kind of grossed out, either by your partner or the act itself because it didn't meet the great expectations. Also part of the learning process.
I guess I'm thinkin' this just sounds like what a person goes through to gain experience, and with those experiences you learn about what you want and what you don't want, when to say yes and when to say no.
The article continues:
"...The study, according to the researchers, suggests that parents should be sure to talk with their kids about the potential negative effects of having oral sex, not only intercourse.
"When parents and teens talk about the consequences of having 'sex,' they may not take the time to define what sex is," Brady and Halpern-Felsher noted in comments to Reuters Health.
"It is important for parents to help teens understand that having oral sex may result in social, emotional and physical health consequences -- just as having vaginal sex may result in these consequences..."
Yeah, okay...
"...Though the study could not look at the reasons for this difference, other studies have noted that there's pressure on girls to at once be sexually attractive yet resist having sex.
"In contrast, boys' sexuality and sexual behavior is generally accepted," Brady and Halpern-Felsher pointed out. "Parents can play an important role in helping to eliminate this double standard by encouraging respect for women and discouraging the use of derogatory sexual terms...
This suggests that when parents talk with their kids about sex, it might be a good idea to acknowledge the potential positive outcomes, like emotional intimacy, Brady and Halpern-Felsher note in their report. Parents could then talk about other ways to find those same feelings."
EXCELLENT IDEA!!! Keep that communication going with your kids!!! I think that is really so imperative. Communication, health care, respect, all of these elements are so important.
I guess it's the title of the article that I despise: "Sex of any kind can harm teens emotionally" It sounds like abstinence. And I believe to preach abstinence alone is akin to ignorance.
My kids aren't teens yet, so I guess I'm theorizing about how I'd like it to go down.
I will say, I saw a situation I would like to emulate with my kids: I lived with a german family in Germany for a while when I was in my early 20's. They were very open with their teenage daughter. She had a boyfriend, and the parents spoke openly with her about sex and love. They encouraged her to wait until she was emotionally ready to have sex with her boyfriend. Then, when the girl and her boyfriend felt ready for sex, the mother took the girl to a gynecologist for advise on protection and safety. When they started sleeping together, the teens' parents were in constant communication as to which house the kids would sleep over at, and how late they were allowed to stay up or out with friends and such. It was handled so beautifully. I was in awe of the whole thing. Eventually, the teen love thing ran it's course and the parents were able to also deal with the emotions surrounding the break-up. It was a great experience for me to see that. I hope I can be there in the same way for my kids.
But on the other hand, I also think we can't prevent our kids from doing that which is natural. We cannot stop them from feelings of hurt and pain and embarrassment. We can try to protect them, but our protection can only goe so far. I guess, learning is sometimes tough, and that includes sex.
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