Is it even worth preserving my uterus?

[The Witch]

My dear DU-er friends,

I have had an unfortunate conflation of events this afternoon.

First, I have been told that due to what is either endometriosis or adenomyosis, there is a chance I will eventually -- not now, but possibly in the future -- have to choose between ever having pleasurable sex again and ever having children. (Now, were I in South Dakota, the answer would be obvious -- but I digress.)

Second, I have been listening to Mike Malloy, and I have heard over the past hour or two that Bush has incited eventual nuclear war between Pakistan and India; that we are doomed to have an economic meltdown; that our air and water has passed the point of no return; that bird flu and peak oil are coming. Et cetera, ad nauseum.

All of this takes me to a place where I am simultaneously very hopeless and very resolved.

I have never cared for the idea of having children, but since I met the man I am going to marry, I have wanted to at least keep my options open. However, do I really want to bring a child into a world with no future? Is it worth preserving my uterus if my child will never be able to support himself/herself because the economy is dead? If his or her lungs are destroyed and heart is diseased? If he or she has radioactivity poisoning from a nuclear explosion? If disease and destruction is all he or she will ever know?

If the world is going to come to an end in my lifetime, I don't want to be responsible for the existence of another human being suffering in it.

I'd rather just have the surgery if armageddon is all I have to look forward to.

Advice, please.

[LiberalinNC]

1. If you and future hubby decide to have children, would you consider

adopting? Just a thought!

[uppityperson]

2. You can always adopt children, hard to adopt pleasurable sex

As far as armageddon, I don't know. But there are lots of children to love in the world, adopting officially or being an auntie to some.

[xchrom]

3. i have no advise

but i am sending you good thoughts!

sorry to hear about your predicament -- very difficult.

[DemExpat]

4. I would try to keep my options open, Witch....

things can change sometimes pretty quickly.

Keep informed but take good breaks from the news very often.

Get some second opinions and look into optional treatments first.IMHO.

:hug:

DemEx

[Megahurtz]

5. Wow, I know how you feel.

I myself feel that it's not worth it to have any more children given the state of affairs of our country and the world (Thanks to Bush&Corp.) but it's mainly because I already have a teenager, and I don't feel like starting thatall over again.

I worry what would happen to a child after several years. Will there be another draft? Do I want to put any child through what might happen in the future? I worry enough about my own child now!

If I was younger and newly married at this point time, I would be tempted not to ever have any children at all. I am afraid where this country is headed.

If it's really important for your health that you need the surgery, I would just go ahead and do it. But maybe I'm being biased. I just know that soon I will be getting my tubes tied because the prospect of having another child is just too scary!:scared:

[redwitch]

6. Some days you just want to crawl back under the covers and stay there

But I wouldn't base my decision on possible armageddon. We humans have been "on the brink" for decades. We're still here, so there is still hope.
I worry more about the pain you are in and what that might do to your relationship. I wish you all the best, do what feels right to you and don't look back.

[Turbineguy]

7. Bush may not destroy the world.

After all, it's hard to make any money at it. There is money to be made from inciting fear.

As for all those other things, the future is not linear.

You are not responsible for the suffering caused by others. In Nazi occupied Europe, people still had children (that they actually wanted to have).

Generally, and in the end, Good prevails.

That's my view anyway.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

8. Understand something

These times are no better and no worse than any other time or places. Humankind has been full of pathos since we jumped out of the trees. The black death, the Crusades, 100 Years War, Pol Pot..the list is endless. Until very recently you would have had very little chance of living out of your thirties.

Now, I wouldn't presume to tell you what to do with your body. But don't make your decisions based upon the state of the world, because that just isn't a valid basis.

Decide based upon whether you have the resources, inclination, patience, love, persistence, tough skin, passion, compassion and flexibility to parent. And remember that perception is reality. If you really believe armageddon is all you have to look forward to; it is.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

9. I made that choice years ago

I have no children, for the reasons you state. If I had ever been financially able, I may have adopted, but that wasn't an option for me. Perhaps it is an option for you.

I say go with what your heart says.

[Catchawave]

10. Yikes, you sound like *me* about thirtysomething years ago.....

Doom and gloom from the *DOOMED* Nixonian years, a bizzarro menstural cycles, docs told me I was *DOOMED* to be barren for children, but took birth control and left the Catholic church, just in case. I was 22.

3 children and 36 years of marriage later....life is good. Never say never, and get medical second opinions :hug: PM me anytime you need a further boost, I met my husband at a 60's protest, he was a returning VN vet and very pro-war. Still is :(

P.S. How many *miles* did we carry that DU Spirit sign last Sept in DC? :hi:

[The Witch]

12. Oh gosh. It's been a while ;_;

thanks. i needed a friendly voice/face. It's so hard to keep one's spirits up these days.

[ismnotwasm]

11. No health advice

Working in health care I know life is sweet to some who suffer, and others who are faced with "do this or you'll die" options choose death, and are completely cool with it. Both are a bit out of my comprehension. And I honor both choices. The world suffers and groans with pain every day, and some of us are closer to it and feel it deeper than others. And we feel helpless to do anything about it. Or that our efforts are futile.

But I have to tell you, the stubborn part of me hopes you choose to have a child, adopt a child or influence a child in some way. I'd much rather see Lovely little Witches running around than horrible little bushbots. But that is such a intimate, personal decision, and I'm sorry you have to make it in an atmosphere like the one that's being imposed on us. It sucks.

We have made a difference. I'm too old to be an idealist, but I used up much of my cynicism when I was young, so that's what I've left with. Plus I'm stubborn, like I said. We're being run by madmen, but I think this has been true for much of history. They may not have had nuclear weapons, but they used poverty, ignorance and disease, and like today-- an obscene sense of righteousness.
Lots of love and blessings your way.

[The Witch]

13. Yes, I would love to care for foster children or adopt.

That has many, many, many years of thought behind it. But the man I love says that although he never wanted children, he wouldn't mind having a family with me... and so I want to keep my options open...

I am just so sick of hurting all the time. Physically and politically...

Thank you -- and thanks to everyone for your empathy and wise words.

[sandnsea]

14. Oh my, take a vacation

(Not to South Dakota)

Sounds like you might need a little reconnection with nature and self. See how you really feel about life and humans and the planet. And children and family, as you relate to that particular reality.

I sure wouldn't base that decision on someone's perception of impending doom.

[pitohui]

15. in a similar space

i've never wanted kids, for me that isn't the issue, but w. my family history there is a huge huge difference in the risk and age of onset of osteoporosis if i can undergo a natural rather than a surgical hysterectomy

my ob/gyn is working w. me and i'm actually doing v. well, i think he's a little surprised how well

but i do know other women who went ahead, got the hysterectomy, and their lives are 100 percent better than they were before -- no more pain, no more prolonged bleeding -- they are actually more active now than they were able to be before the surgery

the first priority is your health

do what is right for you and your body


as far as deciding whether to have a child based on current events -- hell, no child would have been born in the post-hiroshima era if parents worked like that, if you want a child and can provide for a child, have one, if you don't, then don't, bird flu is bullshit, peak oil is bullshit, i was raised under the nuclear cloud, and you know what? i'm still standing

do the best you can but there is no sin in having a wanted child, it was always a bad time to have kids, there were always war and rumors of war

my advice is to make your decision based on your health history and your mom's health history and don't angst about crap beyond your control

[Mandate My Ass]

16. hopeless and resolved

I don't even know what to say to that because I've been there on a few occasions and things rarely work out the way you think they will. I got pregnant at a very early age, without ever really having put thought into whether I wanted kids or not, and I'm one of the lucky ones because my son and I are fine although we lived through financial hardship and abuse.

Circumstances led me to not have any more children because it would have potentially harmed the one I already had. So I watched my fertile years, during which time I had somewhat more stability relationship-wise and financially, slip away without bringing another child into the world.

It turns out that the most stable and loving relationship I ever had was cut short by circumstances beyond our control and I'm alone again. Would the child I had wished for during that relationship be a comfort to me now and someone with a bright future or would I be constantly stressing like I did during my son's childhood? :shrug:

These are troubling times so be glad for having found love and maybe things will turn out more positively than you expect on both fronts. Best of luck to you and your husband to be.

p.s. My son was born just before Reagan took office and I felt such hopelessness and a terrible sense of doom at that time. Then we had eight years of Bill Clinton. Not perfect but better. Good people are working tirelessly to right wrongs with voting machines etc. and the truth is coming out despite Bushco's best efforts to suppress it. The pendulum swings back and forth and light is always stronger than darkness.

[undergroundpanther]

17. Uteruses are

Makers of prisoners. I got the damn thing OUT.I had wanted the thing gone since I was a kid and found out what a uterus was.
Reproducing is not a wonderful gift for everyone able to do it. It was a curse to me.I never wabted ANYTHING to do with the jail called "motherhood"

Some people are better parents by not being parents.. That was my case. I wish more people THOUGHT about this option before they have kids they mistreat or can't raise by accident. Dump the kid on foster care? Foster care is a for profit enterprise for some people and some foster parents are pedophiles. The"gift" of trauma to a kid that never had to be born in this horrible world.

If you can get rid of it and you are not a big fan of motherhood ,get it out.