In spite of ugliness, there's always the power to create beauty.

[Just Me]

I know a LOT of us have had to witness and cope and mourn what sometimes seems an insurmountable load of injustices and injuries, disappointments and stigmatisms,...pain and loss.

I've had days when the only motivation to GET UP and GET MOVING was the alternative: to quit, give up, basically helping myself to BEING "dead",...except I AM STILL ALIVE, damnit all to hell *LOL*

I'll be perfectly honest, I've been disappointed by the absence of rewards for investing my entire life into being what I believed was an honorable, honest, HARD-working, determined, integral, gracious and loving person (with NO GOLD OR SILVER OR WALL STREET SPOONS). I very recently accepted that, I have been in pity of and cast pity upon myself. I even "secreted" this state of mind (called defense or denial or rationalization) and have had to accept that such a state still fails to "earn" me what I thought I should have received in this life, based upon the personal investment I made in accordance with all "rules".

But the life I have is,...well,...THIS IS IT,...deserts and disappointments and all that other stuff just does not fucking matter! Damnit, I can't even blame this administration or this society or anyone for the life I have been living. Yes, "they" exploit others' lives. NO, their evil exploitations CANNOT dictate the freedom I have to live MY LIFE in spite of their evils. I am sick of living this way, with "them" supposedley dictating my fear or freedom or joy or power, for too damn long.

Today, I made, I created beauty, all by myself!!! Well, I haven't completed the one project I am working on ( A "Birds' Commune" *LMAO), but I'll finish it by tomorrow and it's AWESOME. No georgie gas toilet or rummy death pie could create this attraction to both birds and the human soul. The "Birds' Commune" consists of a bottom floor, which is the "Munch Room" filled with feed; there will be two upper yet separate floors for homes with enough space between for privacy (I will add more when possible, and the top floor is the "spiritual/soul gathering space".

Hell, I've got birds trying to move into the houses before I can get even the place built,...and I just started it TODAY!!! :rofl:

Today, I also removed curtains from my kitchen window and replaced those curtains with beautiful, flowering plants, PLUS I cut some flowers outside to fill the space beneath my kitchen window and added healing purple flowers to the porch rail. My son secured the rod to hold those flowers above my sink. (He also loves my "birdie commune" project *LOL* and is ready to help finish construction tomorrow).

So, in spite of my compulsion to FIGHT all abusers and assholes and predators and criminals,...I have finally reached a space, within myself, where THEY can no longer steal or impose upon my capacity to create beauty and peace. OH, I'LL STILL FIGHT THOSE @#*GRRFERS$#!*, but on MY TERMS.

I refuse to allow others' disrespect of life or generosity or "human-ness" or love to disrupt my capacity to create beauty, to appreciate my son, to acknowledge my neighbor, to believe in something far greater and better than their genes of destruction.

And so, I am done saying all I have to say except: believe in your own power to create beauty, even miraculous things no matter what others may say or do.

Light & Peace,
--Leslee

[WorseBeforeBetter]

1. It's what keeps me going.

I attended a performance of Mozart's Mass in C Minor recently at Duke Chapel and was moved to tears by the soaring voices and beauty of the chapel, contrasted with all the ugliness outside (from Durham to Darfur). Soul-replenishing beauty is out there and I hope all of us take the time to appreciate it. :-)

[Just Me]

6. Mozart and Vivaldi are my absolute favorites.

Sometimes, I'll sit by the river with my two VERY affectionate dogs, with my portable CD and earphones (which I paid twice as much as the CD player),...and turn that piece of heaven on full blast. The "environment" of their music FORCES me to not only appreciate but embrace the natural haven in which I sit: the water and trees and wind and flowers and sky.

Music is one of those miracles humanity has been graced with creating, albeit beauty-producing or heart-breaking or tormenting or truth-revealing.

[Robbien]

2. Nicely written

Giving in to despair and hopelessness means they win. Enjoyment of beauty, life and relationships means you do.

[Just Me]

13. I think it's the mere failure to acknowledge so much beauty,...

,...all around us, which betrays us. That acknowledgement is especially diffused/obfuscated by the importance we place upon that which DEFINITELY has no aim, whatsoever, towards creating beauty but rather emphasizes the "ugly".

I have no idea why we allow ourselves to be so distracted. My son is sleeping so soundly, with his kitten warmly tucked in a fold among his quilt, cleaning her paws. That is beauty. Or, maybe, we no longer perceive such peaceful moments as beautiful?

:shrug:

[Humor_In_Cuneiform]

3. I was reminded on a recent trip to save some place in me

for joy.

On the trip on a ship with lots of cool marine mammals and cool people, it was like NO problem.

Plus you had to go out of your way to get ANY news. I tried to NOT do that.

It was wonderful.

I carry a piece of that experience with me each day now, and it helps so much. Having photos and other remembrances and a friend who was there too, to talk to about it makes it easier to hold on to it.

[Zookeeper]

4. Wonderful, JustMe...

You know, you could have lived your life differently. You could have invested in Wall Street and become rich, or strived for social status and still, if you were a thinking person, arrived in the same place. I'm guessing you've reached middle-age and I think "This is it" is a completely normal feeling for a middle-aged person with even a shred of self-awareness. It certainly doesn't mean we can't learn or do new things, but it is a face-to-face conversation with reality. Be here now.

Personally, I think there is power in the small, good deeds we do in our lives. Who knows the difference your birdhouse may make in your neighbor environment. Your plants add just a little more green and clean air to the world. I pick up abandoned "junk" furniture off the street and turn it into something artful and useable. It's not a big deal, but it is one more little thing that doesn't go into a landfill. I let all the neighborhood kids hang out at my house, because I think it gives them another place in the world to "belong."

We don't really know the impact of these little things we do. It may end up meaning as much as the words we post on DU, or the money we give to a charity or political campaign. But, it is something that we, alone or with the help of a son, create in the concrete, physical world.

No time for regrets...rock on! :hug:

[Just Me]

7. *LOL* I prefer the characterization as "evolving" or "maturation".

:shrug: What can I say? I'll never age, "gracefully". BUT, I think I fight certain labels because they tend to suggest a destination while I view my life as a journey. Plus, I confess, other than papers that "say" I've hit some destination or other, they haven't really added one iota of meaning or purpose beyond what I've defined.

You must be a kindred spirit, though, because you acknowledged that "We don't really know the impact of these little things we do." Those little things, the mindful attention to the cashier's smile or to the elderly woman's sharing of her "secret, secret" chocolate cake recipe or the stranger's willingness to help with a flat tire or hugging a disabled vet just because you're drawn to do so and,...my gosh, I could go on and on and on. Those moments of,...of,...connection are absolutely priceless.

Yup, we, alone or with the help of a son or stranger or neighbor or friend DEFINITELY create in the concrete, this short life.

Thank you for responding and sharing your perspective.

[kineneb]

5. I bought some heirloom tomato plants today

from a local farm. I am not going to let the ugliness out there interfere with my vegie garden. When I start feeling better*, I am going to build a greenhouse out of recycled materials; then I can have some vegies in the winter, too.

When I get really bummed out, I can go practice Bach on my pipe organ.


*I have been battling the after-effects of intestinal flu, and am on the White Food diet (bananas, applesauce, rice, toast, mashed potatoes, a bit of mild cheese, and lots of Gatoraid). The whole thing leaves one really tired.

[Just Me]

9. I hope you recover, quickly.

I've suffered scoliosis my whole life,...been lucky enough to have an otherwise strong body to compensate (engaging in ballet, modern dance, horseback riding, et al.). However, last night, my son had to actually carry me to bed,...due to my enthusiasm in building the "Birdie Commune". I just didn't realize how much I'd irritated my lower back because I was having too damn much fun!!! It was kinda',...embarassing that my back was THAT irritated,...to the point I couldn't get my legs to work due to pain even beyond my very high tolerance. Plus, I don't want my son to view his only ever present parent having a vulnerability, especially now when he's a surging hormonal pubescent *LOL*. Okay,...I just don't want him to view me as weak, right now. That's another discussion, entirely. I just count myself blessed he not only carried me to bed but heated a damp towel, put it in plastic, and placed it under my lower back. I'm supposed to be taking care of him,...and, in this case,...he was mature and strong enough to care for me. That's a totally weird,...experience, no matter how,...appropriate it was under the circumstances.

Anyhoots, I would love to be able to practice any music on any instrument. Although I gravitate towards the sweetness of Baroque music, Bach produced powerful pieces that I am compelled to admire.

[renate]

8. what a wonderful way to appreciate your life!

You're right--nobody can take away your ability to appreciate your creations. Denying ourselves the pleasure of these little moments of beauty, feeling guilty for happiness because the world also contains suffering, doesn't improve anybody else's life and takes away from the net sum of joy in the world.

Drink your tea slowly and reverently, as if it is the axis on which the world earth revolves - slowly, evenly, without rushing toward the future. Live the actual moment. Only this moment is life.
Thich Nhat Hanh

[Just Me]

10. Reverence.

That may be the most perfect word for how I seek to live the rest of my life,...with reverence.

I don't know if this means anything to you, but, I very recently received an email from "no one" advising "gouranga, gouranga, gouranga"!!! It meant nothing to me until I had the time to do a brief research on "gouranga". An amazing coincidence for me to receive such a message. I pass it on to you, to all DU posters.

:hug:

[Gregorian]

11. Oh, to make the birds happy.

There is no nobler cause.

I also reached this plateau recently. It happened when I realized how hard I have been holding on to what I want tomorrow to be. But by trying to create my future, I am doomed to disappointment when tomorrow is not what I expected, and the loss of today for living in the future. And I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I do not know. So let the discovery begin. Not to give up. But to live life like a dynamic surprise. It's difficult when there is so much suffering that is needless. But what choice do we have? And self-destruction is futile.

Today I called an old friend. Having been out of work for a year, he is home fixing things up. He even got a hamster. He made a custom exercise wheel for her. And just out of curiousity, he rigged up some kind of odometer to it. We're both single engineer/machinists. And to his surprise, his hamster runs over five miles per night! Talk about a surprise. Well, today he mentioned the hamster again. And I was surprised to hear that he goes to extreme lenghts to keep her happy. She has her own parsley garden. And he goes to an organic market to get her pumpkin seeds, and all kinds of things that are supposed to be good for hamsters. It really brought a smile to my face.

Understandibly, we are focused on negativity. We will be rewarded. And just think of how good it has been to be sharing our lives here on this forum. In darkness, these have been some of the best times in my life.

Thanks.

[Just Me]

12. ROFL!!! Imagine a hamster running, running like that,...

,...just to be running!!! :rofl:

I've always loved birds. Most of the beautiful creations I've ever made have been paintings of birds,...birds and lighthouses. One of my closest friends observed that my paintings reflect the yin and yang of me. My most frustrating creations have been trying to paint people, except myself (prolly cause I feel more confident in capturing what I know, myself, rather than people whose inner lives usually are so different from what they show).

I feel for your friend. Damnit, it's so hard to suffer economic hardship and challenges our strength to just, survive. I went through nearly three years of under or no employment. I considered myself the most over-educated impoverished person I've ever known,...discovered I was wrong,...so wrong.

It's wonderful you have eachother,...to create a light during dark times.

Thank you for sharing the hamster odometer story!!! :rofl: The critters in my life bring me so much peace and joy (two dogs, two cats). Often, when any one of them are napping or stretching out, peacefully, I imagine being inside that,...that present sense of completeless and wholeness.