roommate left

[undergroundpanther]

She was leaving as I was coming home,I had no clue she was leaving,no advance warning nothing.She was pissy.Now she is living with my friends at their apartment.She lives in their walk in closet,sleeps on the couch. They are not exactly neat people,they keep their place in squalor,despite being my friends,I avoid going over their house if I can. Because when I get home my clothes literally stink.

Anyways she's already spreading rumors about me,and painting me as the monster.I think she's doing this as a projection because her objections like that I keep my house too clean for her.Clean as in I don't like shit left splattered all over the toilet seat and dishes left in the sink for too long,that kind of basdic health hazard avoidance and avoiding clutter in places that would make it hazardous to walk,and keeping bugs and rodents from finding this place hospitable, kind of clean.

Anyways her second argument was lame too that I didn't talk to her.That one was blown away by the fact most of the time she was here she was reading constantly from a huge pile of library books. Having your nose firmly planted in a book, to most people,I think isn't a good way to signal you are looking for a conversation,ya think?


Her last argument was that I was "harsh".That one came from the day I confronted her about her oneupmanship crap that was making me feel bad,and apparently she squoze one out of thin air .claiming she was offended by my offering her a solution for the constant annoying calls she gets on her cell phone all day,from people who are dramas on two legs apparently ,so she seemed distressed about it so I suggested she put a limit or boundaries on how often and when people call her.

She saw that as harsh.WTF|??
All these lame excuses were expressed in a pissy whiny way, like a temper tantrum from a kid that is mad for not getting their own way. I think Spin staff saw right through it too. She claimed she was upset at my harshness.What was weird is she must have been pretty good as pretending she's ok 'cause this came up well over a month after the original conversations were,even though than it seemed resolved as she was no longer upset and for all appearances it looked like we had worked it out.

So was it she just pretended she was ok. WTF?

So she left my house without telling me,trying to sneak out before I got home ,but I got home a little early...She left with my friends,and lied to me about where she was moving to, too.I was asked by spin staff to tell them if she paid her rend or whatever I told them she left and that is when I found out she lied.She was very reluctant to give me my house key back. I suspect she was who took my $150 bucks now.Maybe she noticed I put a lock on my bedroom door during the weekend she was out and that offended her..Who the hell knows or cares?


Apparently she likes dramas and gossip games where she is the center of attention.This neurotic bullshit of hers is really going to get in the way of her being a good peer counselor at spin,because she cannot run away from a situation because she does not like what is being said or because she's having a bad day,and the compulsive oneupmanship isn't going to help other people in a crisis at all.

And if she keeps telling bullshit and rumors about me to save her own face after she fucked herself over I'll have to confront her on it too if it gets to be too much.. I guess she likes keeping problems going and playing such games gives her a reason to make herself the center of attention.She is narcissistic.

And since I wasn't into her games and didn't make her the center of attention,at my house and I expected her to keep the shared areas of the house clean,pitch in on toilet paper costs and other shared sundries,and not eat in her room,because ants will come into the house,she didn't like being here,because I had expectations on her ability to control her undesirable behaviors ,oh well.

My requests of roommates is less restrictive than many house sharing arrangements,she apparently isn't welcome back in New Jersey maybe because the people helping her got sick of her shit when she lived there,I dunno.

Some people I am beginning to think say they want to be better,and put on a show but really they don't want to get better if it means they have to be responsible. I think maybe she is like that.

I confronted her with all this she pulled with a mediator present from Spin staff and every argument she made at me was lame and I ended it easy with a few simple matter of fact statements. The real reason she left I think was she wanted move back to where she was familiar and where her drama loving friends were nearby and I think she wants to use my friends for their car.She is lazy about anything that takes physical exertion and complains about walking anywhere,even when it was near and I was helping her by walking slow and resting..She was whining up a storm.

I don't think that living arrangement with my friends will last long either because of her narcissism, and drama and her laziness they will realize she is,narcissistic,toxic, a drama queen,stingy resentful and using them..

Oh well.

Glad she's outta here,tho,she was a pain in my ass.
I give her at maximum 6 months before she alienates my friends or pisses them off and she is homeless again.If she gets section 8 with as filthy as she is she will lose her cert on the first inspection.If she destabilizes herself and becomes homeless she cannot be a peer counselor.And as far as I can tell she is determined to fuck it all up.

Glad it's all over for the most part,good riddance to bad rubbish.

[DaveJ]

1. I guess we're both starting fresh this year

I've had a couple bad roomates and a wife who was the same way. Perhaps we are too generous, I mean, I noticed you were wondering if she wanted to get 'better' which was how I felt about people who disappointed me in the end.

Most people simply don't give the time of day to others who seem to have such problems. Those are the ones who believe 'a tiger never changes his stripes' or 'the apple doesn't fall far from the tree', etc. Those are the ones who end up having lots of good friends and lives that are considered stable. At least in my case, my desire to help others just leads to being hurt and alone.

I'd like to say I'll change, and be more selfish like other people are, but I'll probably end up in the same situation again, and be seriously hurt in some fashion when trying to help someone, or maybe a group of people. It will probably happen as a result of not having my guard up when I least expect it, and involve years of unsuspectingly being used.

Did you says he is a peer counselor? Wow. I hope she's not counseling her peers to use and abuse the generosity of others.

[Forkboy]

2. And from this post and your last one I'd say it's for the best.

Shedding bad, or even just phony friends from your life is never a bad thing, even if it means you end up with only a couple friends left. Better one or two true friends than a bunch of people who really don't care anyways, and just see you as a door mat.

Take care, and best of luck.

[qb]

3. You got a lot off your chest here, and it sounds like you're ready to move on.

As my boyfriend likes to say, "Don't let her take up space in your head... she's not paying rent!"
The accusations sting... I'm dealing with similar shit from my ex. I'm learning to let it all just fall away and focus on being hopeful, treating others with respect, and associating with people who show me respect.
:hug: