Once in a while

[Wildewolfe]

.. it just all falls together.

I've had a huge problem with insomnia for years. To the point it's a huge interference with my life. Add a bit of severe depression and being SPD on top of that (just think lone wolf..no real close friends and don't want any etc oversimplified a bit but thats ok) and it makes for a poor day to day when you can't sleep. Add in a full year of medical scares due to some bad test results and life just was in suck mode.

Finally after years of being on sleeping pills I got sent to a psych to help with the insomnia. I was already taking Wellbutrin and Ambien CR. She added a nightly dose of Geodon near bedtime.

Life just kinda turned around for me. I sleep now, the depression is largely lifted, I have the energy to do things and while I still don't really like being around people all that much I don't as actively avoid it either.

It so easily could have gone differently. I almost refused the med. It didn't fit my self image at all. It is a huge off label use after all. I'm not bi-polar and I'm not schizophrenic. I had a big time bad reaction to it when I first started (too low a dose ... I DO know what manic is now) I don't have a clue why I stuck with it honestly, I'm just glad at this point I did.

I don't know really why I'm writing this either other than to say to folks going through the late nights that suck bad when you don't know why you put up with life... sometimes it doesn't stay bad. I thought it was going to suck forever...it didn't. It could start sucking again tomorrow, but today it's decently ok. I guess that's all I want to say is sometimes it gets better... pretty cold comfort when it's really bad... but it's something real at least to hold on to.

[DemExpat]

1. So happy for you, Wildewolfe.

Feeing more "normal" can be such ecstasy after long periods of darkness!

I take all the good moments day by day that I can get, and am grateful for them.
One of the biggest steps forward I took was after the realization opened to me that feeling bad was not, did not have to be, a permanent state.
Even when bad periods last far too long, I have experienced that even they do pass.
This has made living with my handicaps a great deal easier, more comfortable, more bearable, and my life worthwhile. Sounds dramatic, but heck, it IS sometimes! :-)

DemEx

[hedgehog]

2. There was a report a few months back about the use of ECG

to diagnose mental illness. The gist of the new research is that the ECG is useless in actual diagnosis; there are no specific patterns indicating bipolar illness, schizophrenia, etc. However, the researchers discovered that about 70% of the time, they could match a pattern to recommended treatment regardless of the presenting symptoms. For example, someone who was clearly depressed but unresponsive to routine anti-depressants might have a pattern matching those who responded to an anti psychotic. When the anti-psychotic is tried, success!

I have the feeling that we are still fumbling around trying to figure out how brains function. We have some effective medications now, but often times it's a crap shoot trying to match patients and treatments. I'm glad you seem to have made a good match.

[Wildewolfe]

3. Being put on an anti psychotic

was such a shock initially even though it was for an off label use that I almost couldn't deal with it. But the benefits have been so dramatic. I have to take a pretty large dose of Topamax (200mg a day) to keep cluster headaches at bay and that had been leaving me more than a bit fogged in. The geodons effect on that fog was immediate... it was like a fog light. I was determined to not like it but was pretty hard with a day one change as dramatic as that was (of course day 9 almost put me in the hospital but that's another story and they did get that fixed). Things have settled now some and I saw the doc today for the 3rd time and her comment was it was nice to see me actually smile.

[elleng]

5. Wilde,

your comment about 'actually smile' brought ME to do the same!

[EFerrari]

4. Great to hear. Good things do happen!

:hi:

[mdmc]

6. nice to see some good things going on

:toast: