Holiday check in here.

[EFerrari]

Hey everyone --

How are you doing with this holiday stuff? Check in here. :)

I'll start. As Doug had a rotten time on turkey day, and as that stressed me out, I swore I'd keep the stress level 'round here as low as possible until Jan 2.

Not sure how well we've done. :silly:

Doug's in good spirits even though he had a long commute to a gig last night, and had to cover for an act that didn't show, then turned around and did another show. *I* am the one that is sort of cranky and up tight but am spending some quiet time this afternoon to shake myself out and feel the feet again.

We'll be pretty quiet tonight and tomorrow, too, with a small family dinner. Our family doesn't do crazy consumption, so that's not a problem. This year, I think for me the accumulation of other messed up holiday is somehow bugging me and it's not bugging Doug. So, a mixed bag here.

[skygazer]

1. Christmas is hard for me

I don't like it. I don't celebrate it. It's not because I dislike the gaudy commercialism and the ugly greedfest that it is to so many people (though I do dislike that).

And it's not because I don't believe in the theology that it's based on (though I don't believe it).

And it's not because my shoes are too tight, or my head's not screwed on right or because my heart is two sizes too small. Nor is it because I'm a scrooge.

It's because I have an overwhelming number of years worth of bad christmas memories and every year, do as I might, they well up and threaten to topple me.

I've tried so many methods of dealing with it. I've been in therapy on and off for many years but nothing there ever seemed to get me past the holiday blues. I've tried looking at it in different ways - my mother who died when I was a teenager (resulting in several awful christmas memories) loved christmas and was the one who brought it to life in our home. So I thought maybe if I looked at celebrating it as a way of celebrating her joy in it, I might find some meaning and joy myself. But it just hasn't worked.

So now I simply try to survive it. I'm actually working tomorrow from 4 am to 1 pm which tends to help - when I'm busy, I'm not thinking about what day it is.

I'm doing okay, in comparison with some years, but it's always hard and I'll be glad when it's come and gone. Just being on DU is kind of hard because christmas is the main topic of conversation and I don't want to be downer to anyone.

So thanks for posting this. It's helpful to be able to honestly articulate how I feel. :hug: to you and good wishes.

[EFerrari]

2. Thanks for checking in, stargazer.

Honesty is such a gift -- any time of year. :)

This time of year is really, really hard for so many people. And, last time I looked, DU was not Stepford.

I move in and out of survival mode, too. Most of the really ugly stuff in our house has happened around this season. :(

Maybe we can have a group Jan 2 party? Lol! Whatever bits of this time we can enjoy, that's great. What we can't enjoy or celebrate, we can manage. When it's over, I for one will be a little easier.

peace and a :hug:
Beth

[undergroundpanther]

3. Hi

Stress. I have been wandering in and out of DU,to escape family.Family was over and getting sloshed.They drink and drink it makes me sick inside.
I and my partner don't drink and we were both repulsed at the booze.Booze triggers me.They left a few hours ago,I am still tense in the relative peace of my basement.The house was so noisy and too crowded. I had to leave the living room when my asshole brother in law started telling puke stories. I am emetephobic..I hate my brother in law,'cause he is a cruel thoughtless jerk he seems to get such delight from doing this sort of shit to me.He knows what upsets me and every holiday he finds a way to make it worse than it already is.

Soon I will be helping my mom move out (she decided about a month ago that she is moving to virginia because she wants to be with her sisters in low key Galax where she grew up in her old age.)I agree ,'cause all her friends here are dying off,that must be so depressing for her. So she got a house next to her sister. And in a few days,I will have to deal with the drunk family again. My asshole brother in law too,God I hate booze.I hate drunks.Half of the family smokes like chimneys too,So fuck it I will have to bring mucinex and benedryl to survive it. My partner and I used our noggins, we are renting a hotel room to get the fuck away if we need to, and to get good sleep.

There is another good side to all this too.. When mom moves out on Thursday the house will be mine to stay in.Mom has already paid for it.I will not have outrageous rent. When I get back on Friday or Saturday It will be my place.It will become a peaceful refuge for me.WITH NO BOOZE..For that,I am grateful.I don't have to find a way to move out and move to an apartment or find a place that can handle 3 cats now.


Wish me luck.

[EFerrari]

7. I do wish you luck and all best, dear undergroundpanther,

:hug:

[Kire]

4. I walked out on my family before they woke up christmas morning.

Through most of this past year I swore I would never see my mom again, but in the past month, things cooled down so I decided to try spending Christmas Eve night at my Grandmother's where my Mom was going to sleep over, as well.

I walked out for two reasons. The first was that they invited her "companion", this guy that I don't like at all, without telling me. And the other reason is that, while I was trying to sleep, my mother used the bathroom next to me but chose not to shut the door so I had to listen to her pee and poop in my ear. Twice.

She is the most insensitive, narcissistic person I have ever met. I didn't want there to be a confrontation, so after more than an hour of thinking about it, I drove home.

It broke my heart to hear my Grandmother call me really worried about where I was. They knew I didn't have my medication, so they thought something might have gone wrong and I could be someplace unsafe. But, I didn't have anywhere else to go, so I went back home and took my medication, right on schedule.

I'm still freaked out about this. I just want to have a nice normal Christmas with my family. We played a game called Rummicubes that we used to play all the time when I was a kid on Christmas Eve, and it was a nice family atmosphere. It was like things were back to normal.

My Grandmother is 85 years old, and she is really worried about me and what I have been through this past year. It's just real hard. And I didn't get to have dinner, or open my presents, so that was hard, too. I'm going to try to go down there sometime during the week.

Thanks for listening.
Kire

[EFerrari]

8. Dear Kire

I really get it about just wanting to have a nice normal Christmas. That's what we all want, isn't it? :silly:

I'm sorry your mom was so disrespectful to you. That's just awful. But it sounds like you took care of yourself, and went away from a no winner.

Going back to your Grandmother's house later in the week sounds like a good idea. Like, sometimes the whole family together doesn't do well, but sometimes we do well with one on one.

((((((((Kire))))))))

I wish you all the best. Counting done to Jan 2.

Beth

[mopinko]

5. great one here. last one was the depths of hell.

but things were great here. neurochemistry, man. the bp kid has been taking her meds for a while, and it is starting to show. hubby and i are both sleeping well, and feeling well. we have really made great strides in our relationship. his therapy has gone really well. his shrink turns out to be a very practical and useful one.
my therapy blew up. i think this, 'you just talk, and eventually you will see the answer' shit is bullshit. especially when they are tying to lead you to where you think you should go, but you are not supposed to notice that. she was trying to lead me to leave, i think. trying to make me see that things were fucked up. well, i knew that. and if she had just said, you need to worry about yourself, take care of yourself first, we could have talked about that, and figured out what was possible, and right for me. but i ended up angry and confused about the things that she was doing, and things that she would and wouldn't let me talk about, especially in the couple's sessions that we had. it took a couple of months after i quit to figure out why it had gone bad. D.'s, can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.
but, i find that it is not that hard to work things out with someone who is thinking straight, and looking at what is happening with someone who is a good fit to help.
trust is an amazing thing, and that is what made this a great christmas.
keep trying out there. and keep trying to find the right meds for you. it has been so hard to get my kid to take her meds. but she is so much better when she does. there is a lot of bullshit out there, but if you can find the thing that works for you, it makes such a HUGE difference.

[EFerrari]

9. I agree! And that is why God invented helmets --

to keep us safe during the in between times. :)

Doug juggles between taking his whole dose of anti-psychotic meds at bed time AND having horrible side effects that eat his whole next morning or

spacing them out AND being sleepy all the time :(

Oh well, we do today. What we can do.

:hug:

[Deja Q]

6. I'm hoping it's not the last Christmas.

It was the best one in a very long time, despite the economy and everything.

I don't know how mum and dad can remain so calm about the future... but then they're balanced. I need to pop pills, but at least I'm now on something that works. :)

I also got a fun gift this year: 6 bottles of wine. I wish I could drink them, but the lamictal renders that impossible. But in small and very sparse quantities, it will not hurt.

[EFerrari]

10. Merry Christmas, HypnoToad

This is our calmest Christmas in years, including family and social stuff. Still not an easy one but hey, I'll take any step forward - or, even staying even.

Our very best wishes to you and yours.

Thanks for checking in,

Beth

[DemExpat]

12. Great to hear, and that your holiday has been a good one.

I need to pop pills, but at least I'm now on something that works.

:bounce:

DemEx

[mrgorth]

11. It was a tough Christmas for me

being my first Christmas out of the house (recently divorced). I had the kids from, like, 10am until 7pm Christmas Eve. I then went to a Christmas Eve party that wasn't all that great but at least I was around other people for a while. I woke up at 7, way too early on Christmas morning and decided to go with doppelbock (strong Bavarian beer) instead of coffee. I stopped over to see the ex and kids around 10:30am and then headed to the parents' after that. I suppose the day went about as good as it could've. Better than last year when my wife at the time was giving me gifts and wishing she wasn't. I swore I wouldn't go through that again. Still, the whole experience was a corruption of my core, a mockery of what I've grown up to think Christmas should be. It was very hard. Next up, New Year's Eve without a date to kiss. Wunderbar.:(

[DemExpat]

13. This must be tough, mrgorth,

Hope things get better for you in the New Year.

:hug:

DemEx

[EFerrari]

18. mrgorth, I came out of the same situation and remember

feeling very painfully lonely. I'd invested so much. It turned out so badly.

But, clearing out the wrong relationships opened up my life for -- how can I say this? :silly:

A kind of peace, right relationships, everything I most love in this funny life thingy.

If you had suggested that to me at the time, I might have bitten you.

((((((((((mrgorth)))))))))))

Giving yourself a wee bit of time isn't a selfish act in December.

my best to you,
Beth

[DemExpat]

14. Hi, guys.....thanks for this thread, Beth.

Christmas was OK for me this year, but still, I tend to think of Christmases past and those who are dead.....must be how it gets for lots of people as they start getting up there in age. :-)

Great time with my 2 (grown) kids, close friends, and delicious home-cooking, but something about how I experience the world at this time (pessimism over social and political issues) takes a lot of the joy and sparkle out of my personal meaning of Christmas.....Peace on Earth, good will and all of that......

I can hardly keep my idealism - which I have had since I was very young - alive when I interpret what I see happening all around me on this earth in the past years. And I was pissed off at my parents when they started saying how bad things were getting and that they were glad they wouldn't be around much longer.......:wtf:

Anyway, good to check in here with you guys,

Love,

DemEx

[EFerrari]

16. My mom gallops into estate planning and how my bro and I

should manage things when she's gone.

She's trying to be immortal, even as she tells me that we need to be realistic because she wouldn't be here forever. I'd like her to be immortal, too! lol

[hedgehog]

15. I have to say , Christmas has been great

Very laid back, with a minimum of the stress of previous years. I've finally figured out that I don't have to clean the entire house just because my mother does. That helps a lot. My kids kid me about the pills, but whatever works! We're all having a good time. I'm posting this to let people who are at a bad point know that things can get better.

[EFerrari]

17. So good to hear. When stuff goes badly, it's hard to hang onto

the idea that things can get better, that's for sure!

:toast:

[elshiva]

19. Christmas and Hanukkah are almost over thank God!

:(

[EFerrari]

21. Happy New Year, elshiva!

I think of this day as just a few more weeks to baseball Spring Training!

:hi:

[Ladyhawk]

20. My family didn't celebrate ANYTHING this year.

This is strange and I'm wondering why. Most of me thinks it's just fine that way. :shrug:

[EFerrari]

22. My extended family didn't check in last night. And I sure didn't

miss the drama. We saw a nice Western with the cats. :)