Kerry concedes that a majority of Americans are jackasses

[whometense]

(SATIRE) Been another very tough week. Let's not forget how to laugh.

Idiots reign supreme as record voter turnout sets country on path to oblivion

Kerry Concedes: The Sen. from Massachussetts swallowed his pride and common sense during his concession speech in which he praised the President for his leadership in tough times.

Ship of Fools--Former presidential candidate John Kerry, while magnanimous in his official concession speech, has since had time to reflect on his loss and has now taken a less concilliatory tone.

"Let me make sure I've got this right. After running up record deficits that threaten the future of Social Security and Medicare, presiding over the worst national security failure since Pearl Harbor, and committing the biggest military miscalculation in our nation's history by invading Iraq, the American people still want George W. Bush in the Oval Office taking orders from Dick Cheney?

"Well, in that case, fuck it. You can have him."

Kerry went on to note that it took the President three debates to come up with the shakiest of defenses for his failed policies.

"In the first debate he was vacuous. In the second debate he was angry and aggressive. By the third debate he began to approach coherence. Yeah, good choice red states. I think you've picked a real winner here."

Kerry referred to polls showing that for 22 percent of voters, "family values" were the most important issues.

"Because it makes sense to focus on blocking gay marriage and stem cell research when Americans are dying needlessly in a war the President created using misinformation and lies...Dipshits."

[TayTay]

1. I love this

I would love to see Sentah Keh-ree stand up and say this. He could be drinking boiler-makers and pound a glass down on the bar and just stand up and scream: "Motherfuckers!" really, really loud. That would about do it.

[whometense]

2. I thought the funniest thing about this

was that I could actually picture him saying all those things. Under certain circumstances, needless to say, and not on the senate floor, but still, totally in character!

[Firespirit]

3. I know!

It's not too hard to imagine him cussing someone out fluently behind closed doors. It must be really frustrating to not be truly able to speak your mind on the record.

[sandnsea]

4. Uhm, yep

"Well, in that case, fuck it. You can have him."

You KNOW he said that! Probably more than once. lol.

[elshiva]

5. Good satire, but remember...

Kerry during the campaign once said, "I can't believe I am losing to this idiot!"