...and it gets Better...Right? ....eventually...?

[FirstLight]

I know that the purpose of Shift is for the old way to become "un-useable" so that the new form of being/doing/creating cane take precedence. I know that we are in the midst of that transition and it means we are shifting & changing as well to be better evolutionary creatures...beings of truth light & love..instead of deception, anger and fear.
I also know that I have to give up the ways I have viewed the world and responded to my relationships..casual, work, family, etc...

but sheesh! I had no idea that my heart would break so open and so much.
That my body and my mind and my soul would be intertwined in such painful emotion
that I would have to re-learn the basic fundamentals of TRUST, FAITH, HOPE
I feel like a child and like I don't know what I have been doing for the past 38 years...

and the overwhelming grief and feeling like I CAN"T MAKE IT is so tangible...

On top of everything personally, I can barely bear to think about the world at large. too much in my own world to deal with, my shoulders are not that big!
and I know it is going to get worse before it gets better

and my job just informed me I am on probation for the rest of the year (lots of reasons, I work for my church, and I have been sick and gone ALOT, and other stuff...and they are going broke...) and my hours are getting cut to 10 or less by January...so in the midst of health problems, and a paralyzing grief, I have to find a new job? and try and "sell myself"..? ack!

It get's better right? I am wondering how to survive this Shift, when I "know" so many tools, meditation, prayer, etc...and I am empty - don't know how to get over the hurdles

Here's an interesting piece I found on the emotions of it:
"Feeling our way to a New World"
http://www.lightworkers.org/content/55344/feeling-our-way-to-a-new-world

It is really beautiful, and yet I am still "stuck in the muck" :cry:

[I Have A Dream]

1. Journalgrrl, I know that I can't really help you except by giving...

you a really big cyber hug and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. I so wish that I could make everything better for you. :(

Please know that I'm sending as much love and light your way as I can muster. :hug::hug::hug:

[Fire Walk With Me]

2. It is imperative to cultivate both the release of old encoding

as it is to actively force yourself into actions which create positive emotion (if you aren't in positive emotion). It is a choice. If you are not there yet (I'm not; some old stuff is coming up which is heaven to release, hell to relive), pray and meditate. Write gratitude lists to God, as this raises everything. Ask your angels for grace and ease, and the most positive outcome for all involved (thanks IHAD for that last one).

If the world is pulling you down, reach upward with all of your strength. Especially in spite of the world. You are responsible for you.

I know why the caged bird sings.

[FirstLight]

3. mmmm...thanks

"caged bird" indeed, Peake.

I know I am responsible for me, I just wish I didn't have to be "responsible" at ALL ..especially right now!

The desire to break & run from life is so strong, I feel the flight in my very sinews, waiting to break free.
I guess the choice comes down to flight of the spirit and peace, or flight of the destructive kind I am all too familiar with.

There is no time to hold myself and just weep for weeks, instead, I have to get up each day and make hay while the sun shines...even if I still feel the clouds around me.

thanks for your hugs and prayers and love, every little bit counts!

[OneGrassRoot]

4. Hi, Journalgrrl...

All I can do is send hugs as well. It seems to be one of those times when SOOOOO many are feeling this way, especially those of us who have been on a spiritual path (whatever that may mean...lol) for so very long. I resonately with what you say. Completely.

There was a similar conversation yesterday at a board with people I've interacted with online for over 10 years (met many in person)...very deep, spritually intense conversations, most of which continues to go right over my head! ;)

I invite you to check it out when you have a few minutes; perhaps some of the responses will be of value?

Please also read the "About Gratitude" post. ) You'll see the other thread of which I speak directly below that.

http://www.eboards4all.com/717093/index.html

I send huge hugs of comfort your way!!!!

:hug:

[midnight]

5. You write about all the change going on and as awful as this

is you are moving through it. I'm sending you a big hug too, and I'm really impressed with your abiltiy to say what crap is going on. Thank you so much for showing the rest of us how to move through this period. You may not be aware of how many people you are touching with this time period. Keep moving.

[Sanity Claws]

6. I'm so sorry you are going through a bad time

I have hope that it will improve for you and all of us.
I have a tendency to depression and no one would give me the nickname "Sunshine." Despite that, I woke up this morning with the phrase, "'Tis a wonderful time to be alive," going through my head. Because that's not the way I normally think, I think my guides were telling me something. I sure hope it's true for all of us.

:hug:

[MorningGlow]

7. Honey, you are stronger than you think

Hey JG twin :hug:

I have SOOOOOO been where you are--just ask these lovely ASAH folks how much I bent their ears (eyes?) a couple of years ago, when I went through the dark night of my soul. It was NOT pretty! And I don't think our major life/spirit transitions ever are.

And from here, down in the muck (perfect word), it's hard to see that there's a way out. You know there is, but "knowing" it's there and being able to get to it are two different things, right? :(

I was just reading a book by Echo Bodine, Hands That Heal. She has a list of the signs that you're going through a spiritual transition, reaching a higher plane, and some of them are that you just want to be ALONE--so much so that you don't even want people to touch you--and you want to hunker down, burrow under the covers, and sleep. So if you're going through a transition to a higher plane, of course the last thing you want to do is go out among people and BE PRODUCTIVE. Ick!

Also, regarding your job--perhaps it is time to move on. When I was going through my trauma a couple of years ago, a major part of it was that I was being pushed out of my full-time job by my boss. He managed to lie about my talents and get me demoted--even moved PHYSICALLY to a basement office! Hello, Milton! My friends at work even bought me a red stapler to mark the occasion. (Office Space reference, BTW. :P ) My dream job turned into hell on earth, but it had to be that bad to get me the heck OUT of there. Eventually it worked. :D So don't be afraid of departing a job. It's just money. And when you're pushed out of a place, it's because the Universe needs you to be somewhere better. But you know that!

As you're my twin, I'll bet you're a daydreamer--I sure am! If that's the case, use that to your advantage. Write some fiction. Or write in a journal. If you don't have time to write/type, take a few minutes out of your day to daydream a story and watch it unfold and develop like a movie. I've been doing that for the past couple of months--SOMEthing evidently wanted my attention--so I've been tinkering with this daydream while I wait for MG Jr. to fall asleep, when I'm in the shower, when I'm doing dishes, when I'm driving--basically any downtime--and it's a nice escape. Heck, you can even daydream yourself a new reality if you want!

So just concentrate on yourself and your kidlets. Don't worry about the world at large--it's going to go how it's going to go. Do your best at your job, but don't overdo it, and if you're meant to stay, it'll happen, but if you're meant to go, that'll happen to. Talk to your guides, and talk to us! They, and we, will get you through it with a minimum amount of fuss. Oh yes, there will be fuss :D but ask your guides for the minimal amount of disruption, and they will oblige.

Be well, JG. Drop me a line anytime, okay? :hug:

[FirstLight]

8. ooh, MG...you are such a sweet twin!

I am running out the door, but thanks for the teardrops (cleansing, right?) before I step into the outside...

I totally identify with the climbing under the covers...and then feel wierd that I am so isolated...

journaling is a great idea, I also have a good mandala book to color..

I'l write more soon, thanks for ALL the prayers
Got to get the prayers and the talking to my guides and my grounding turned back on too! Been really slacking there