Need a little light... :)

[mrl821]

Hi all! I haven't posted very often here, but I do love to come here and read all the wonderful things you all are talking about! It's been an interesting last couple of weeks with The Secret getting lots of national attention.

Anyway, I just wanted to ask if anyone could send me a little light. I feel selfish in asking this, but I'm really in a bad situation. I'm in a very emotionally and mentally abusive relationship (non-sexual) and it's getting worse by the minute. This person does not understand that he's being abusive and will just manipulate or "spin" his abuse. But for what ever reason I care a lot about this person. I wish I didn't.

Thanks in advance. :)

m

[lildreamer316]

1. You've got it.

So sorry to hear about your situation. I hope you are soon able to see your way clear.
Beleive me; I do understand.
:hug: :hug:

[mrl821]

11. Thank you

That means a lot to me. :) Glad to know someone understands.

:hug:

[SeattleGirl]

2. No need to feel selfish, mrl821

We can all use help now and then, and I will be sending light to you, that you be protected, and that you find the strength you need in this situation (and that the situation will resolve soon).

[mrl821]

12. Thank you

I really appreciate it. :)

[BlueIris]

3. Sure thing.

Although I feel the need to add that I hope you can get some kind of therapeutic support for yourself regarding this situation, soon. It's fine to care about the person in your life doing this to you, but it's important that you not confuse forgiving the person with forgiving the unacceptable behavior. In my own life, I've needed professional guidance to help me clarify the distinction between those two kinds of forgiveness.

[mrl821]

13. I guess I never thought of that...

...the different types of forgiveness. I will think more about that. And I've considered professional guidance for a long time. Maybe it's time to give it a shot.

Thank you. :)

[I Have A Dream]

4. I will definitely send you energy and light, m. Please do what you have to do to take...

care of yourself. That's not selfish; nor is it selfish to ask for help. I'm happy to do what I can to help.

I ask that the Universe show this person what he's doing to you and help him to permanently change this behavior so that it no longer occurs. (This or something better for the highest good of all concerned.)

:hug:

[mrl821]

14. Oh thank you...

I really like that...

I ask that the Universe show this person what he's doing to you and help him to permanently change this behavior so that it no longer occurs. (This or something better for the highest good of all concerned.)

I'm repeating that right now! :)

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

5. Ya Nur (Oh Light!)

Visualize this person surrounded by light--and make sure YOU are surrounded and protected by light as well.

[mrl821]

15. Will do!

Thank you!!

:)

[stellanoir]

6. I'm of the belief that once you care about someone,

it's an eternal sentiment, though it can become tainted with bitterness over time. One's heart is certainly capable of caring deeply for more than one person.

I still love everyone with whom I've ever been close, but I don't necessarily trust some of them as far as I can throw them. I'm an incredibly forgiving person and sort of a compassion junkie. I invariably cut people a tremendous amount of slack but there is a point at which I'll dissociate from certain dynamics and put up stark boundaries. It's usually been circumstances wherein people are inherently competitive rather than collaberative.

Love is easy. Trust and respect are not so. Those attributes are vitally essential for any healthy relationship.

If this character is unconsciously abusing you, it's unlikely that they respect you and you really can't trust them because of their dishonesty.

Don't beat yourself up about caring for this person. Maybe care for yourself first and perhaps the kindest gift you can give them is space until they become aware of their abusive tendencies and that behavior is not at all cool or acceptable.

I'll send you light but please consider extricating yourself from this situation as it sounds as if you may be enabling them to hurt you even further. Sorry if that sounds harsh.

best.

[I Have A Dream]

7. Great post, stella.

:thumbsup:

[rumpel]

9. yes - so true

"enabling the situation", as I did, only feeds that undesirable energy and draws good energy from you - ultimately if you care for the other person it is not good for either of you.

sending you light

:grouphug:

[mrl821]

17. Thank you for the light

...feeding the undesirable energy and drawing away the good energy - that's exactly what it feels like.

Thanks. :)

[ricochetastroman]

8. Very well said, Stella n/t

[mrl821]

16. Yes, there's definitely bitterness...

That didn't sound harsh at all. It made complete and total sense to me.

I think I'm like that too --a compassion junkie. :)

The trust and respect really is not there and I guess I just have to accept that.

And I think I will try to distance myself from this person as much as I can.

Thank you so much for the advice. I will take to heart. :)

[crikkett]

10. I learned a trick about seperating yourself from abuse

...that works in the moment.

You're to put up a wall between you and the person. I know that's crazy because that's the first time I ever heard a psychologist say put up a wall - they're supposed to be all about taking them down.

But, the wall shields you from the abuse. I enjoy imagining a forcefield, like Capt. Kirk or something. (Humor helps bad situations but you can't always be funny out loud.) You remain calm on your side, and think to yourself 'I care about this person, but they can't hurt me.' Remember the child's chant, "I am rubber, you are glue?" That's probably something else that shouldn't be said out loud. Eventually the person gets tired because they're not getting the response they want from you.

I have a handout somewhere I will post if I find it. Once things are calm you have other work to do, that I'm not qualified to give advice about.

But, I can send you light: a forcefield.

[mrl821]

18. I will try that for sure!

A forcefield! That's a great idea!

Thank you! :)