Need some loving opinions and advice...

[mrl821]

Hi all! I'm relatively new here and just recently got into the posting game here, but I have a situation that I would like some advice on. I'm sorry if this is not the place to post this, but I'm not sure whom else I could ask and everyone in this group seems like such kind, intelligent people.

I've just been kind of trying to figure out who I am, and what I want to do in life, but I am also trying to figure out why certain people are in my life. I think that my priorites are in the process of a major shift and I'm starting to feel like things in my life need to have some meaning. It's funny, life seems to go along without any bumps and then all of the sudden your life just gets throw into upheaval. Lots of things are changing, but the things that I would like to change are not. And I don't understand why I'm having such a hard time changing.

But the whole point of this post is that I had two conversations today that have left me in a state of confusion. First of all I had a conversation with a very close friend of mine. We were talking about finances and struggling to make ends meet. I, being me, felt the need to make some political comment. Now, I know that my friend does not care for politics, but sometimes I just like to poke at him to see his reaction ( and this is part of me trying to figure out why this person is such an important part of my life). He is a very wise person, someone who has taught me much about life and brought out some good qualities in me, but he is very narrow minded. I just don't understand how someone could not care about what's going on in the world. And he tells me that I shouldn't. He tells me that I can't believe anything that I read on the internet and that I shouldn't believe anything unless I have first hand knowledge. And he tells me that I am pathetic for spending hours on the internet, talking to people that I have never met, about things that I have no first hand knowlege about. He tells me that instead of reading things on the internet, that I should spend that time bettering myself. I simply do not know how to respond to this. I feel like I am a somewhat intelligent, thoughtful person and I certainly don't believe everything that I read or hear, but I can filter out what I believe to be true and false. Is it wrong to care about things that don't affect me personally? Is it wrong to want to know what happens in the world? Am I a hypocrit for caring and then not doing something about it or bettering myself? This guy doesn't believe anything he hears or reads about politics, but he thinks the president has a nice face and his gut tells him that he is a trustworthy, good person who is doing the best job that he can. Everything else is just hearsay. I don't know if any of this is making sense, I wish I could explain it better. And I wish I had some quick witted response for this guy, but it seems that for no good reason, he wants to challenge my beliefs on things that are close to my heart. I don't know. I am just having a hard time wrapping my brain around this.

Another conversation that affected me today was with a co-worker. He was not so subtley comming on to me. He is twice my age, and someone that I would never be attracted to - ever. But he said the nicest things about me. I usually take on a leadership position at work on the weekends and this guy began by telling me that I was very well respected and that he liked me because I was honest, direct, sincere and I have integrity. These are the qualities that he is looking for in someone and and those qualities are hard to find. I feel like he was absolutely sincere about what he said. So why is it that the people that are close to me don't see these things in me? Why is it that the people that are closest to me don't respect me or my beliefs, but some who is a just an aquaintance could see these things?

Again, I'm sorry if this is not the place, but I just felt like I needed some caring advice.

[DemExpat]

1. Welcome, mrl821

I would say that you really are at a point of change, and that by just paying good attention to your feelings and people's responses, you will slowly work you way to better understanding.
I am afraid that there are no quick fixes here - at least in my experiences.

May I recommend meditation practice here?

You seem to be questioning why you are closely surrounded by the people in your life, and how your discomfort is growing with this. All you can do is trust the process - even though it is unclear, frsutrating and painful, it will lead to clarity if you gently pay attention, listen.
May I mention that if somebody told me that I was "pathetic" for my beliefs and searchings, I wouild be out of there pronto? I have that rebellious and fiery streak in me that would not accept such disrespct.

Your "soul" or essence is probably showing you where the mirrors in relationships out there are reflecting the problems you have loving and respecting yourself.

At a certain period in my life I went through a pretty thorough clean-sweeping of relationships in my life and friends either drifted away, or I carefully pulled away from them.

This can be a trying and unsettling time, so I wish you strength with this.
Hoepfully others here can give some good experiential advice and a point to other directions with this.

:hug:

DemEx

[mrl821]

9. Meditation does sound like a good idea to me...

I've tried it many, many times and I have trouble focusing. Maybe I'll try it again.

I go through this every so often with this person and seriously think about how I could remove him from my life, but at this point, I don't think it's possible. I definitely think he's in my life for a reason. I like your idea about mirrors reflecting myself. That is very interesting. I will give that some thought.

Thank you, DemEx!

[NuttyFluffers]

2. hee hee, i'll have to take your word about 1st guy being wise...

'cuz he sounds like a tool to me. apparently you don't feel as witty and quick on your feet around him, but don't feel bullied by this myopic person. personally i laugh at people who say you have to experience everything in order to know something. ah, so i have to be bitten by a cobra to know it's venomous? can't believe anything you read on the internet? but is this not experiencing something? does that include all his e-mails? what about online dictionaries? his online bank statement is most likely a lie? fascinating.

bettering yourself? according to whose standards? his? empathy for one's fellow man around the world is a weakness? like that beautiful comment from DU, "I don't do politics," "Gee, that's too bad, because politics will do you. Got lube?" awareness of law and life on a larger level is valueless? he trust in * because he feels it in his gut he's a good guy. but then he says one should only value personal experience. and yet he's commiserating about the difficulties of making ends meet lately. apparently connecting the great causes to the small effects is not his strong point, nor is learning from experience. fascinating.

from what i'm given to work with i think he's a moron personally, but your mileage may vary. meh, enjoy him treating you to lunch every now and then, but i'd toss his opinions on the pile of ignorable babble from the vapid. and no, i'm not a very diplomatic person to those whose opinions i find are based on utter nonsense. he can't even apply his own advice onto his current state -- why bother listening to his rant atop that? smile sagaciously, roll your eyes, and chime in with, "hey, how about them gas prices?"

about the other guy, flattery is as old as the hills. some people are better at it at others. and sincerity can be well faked -- men are quite good at it, by the way, ask most women (women can be just as bad, btw). but, he apparently could be a useful ally, and he could possibly be genuine, too. he could just be an admirer. attracted, but unless he's strongly coming on to you repeatedly there's nothing wrong with idle attraction. and why do we get oblivious friends, but observant acquaintences? well, it's all written in the stars, my friend, it's all written in the stars. apparently you got some karma with the friend, but you might have some with the acquaintence as well. it's just one is written up to be with you longer. meh, such is the universe.

besides, some people are born spiritually oblivious, but well blessed in the accursed mundane -- it's to provide enough rope with which to bind themselves with. so their gifted fortune is often self-attributed to their "wisdom" (and often their supposedly adept tugging of their bootstraps) and they feel they can tell everyone what's wrong with them because of it. but, oh, how entertaining it is to watch when the trap kicks in. and yet humility is rarely the first lesson grasped from such experience... strange. but no one ever said karma was a gentle teacher. and some people are perceptive from real pain and struggle. they are often not the best looking, wealthiest, whatever, but they got compensated with great wealth of spirit. which might explain why the attraction isn't mutual, yet there's something deeply moving about the person within. you really are better off with the rich in spirit than the rich in corporeal; one has greater dividends. enjoy latter guy's good company, and maybe develop it into a friendship.

[mrl821]

10. Everything you said makes 100% sense to me...

and I certainly don't feel quick on my feet around him. That's part of the problem with our friendship. I sort of have to walk on eggshells with him. Over the years I've learned what to say and what not to say, it seems like he can express his opinion all day, but I can't. He makes fun of me for basically everything that I take a interest in. But on the positive side, he has helped me with a lot of things. He was there for me in the most difficult part of my life so far. For some reason, I feel like I need to have his approval with everything.

Anyway, thank you for your insight, NuttyFluffers.

[Delphinus]

3. First off, welcome!

Secondly, how can he sit in judgment, telling you that you're NOT bettering yourself? How would he know? What does he deem "bettering"? What do you have to do to "better yourself" to his standards?

You know, sometimes these challenges to your beliefs are really good because they can help you understand yourself a whole lot more.

I feel that EVERYONE is in our life for some purpose. Sometimes it's very hard to determine the reason until after they're gone. Perhaps he's here, challenging your beliefs and whittling away at your self-esteem to get you to the next level.

As to your second conversation, I soooo desire to live on that planet where attractions are only mutual!

[mrl821]

11. Thank you, Delphinus!

I really think he want to help me, or wants me to help myself. He does tell me that he thinks I could rule the world or do anything I wanted to if I would just focus on myself and solving my problelms. But, his idea of "bettering myself" is definitely not mine.

I agree that he's maybe in my life specifically to challenge my beliefs in order to get me to the next level. I just get so drained by this. I was just so deflated after that conversation, and that's why I posted here. I know that I'm certainly not the only one who feels the way I do, I just needed to hear it from others - if you know what I mean.

[BlueIris]

4. The only thing I can suggest WRT "figuring out your life" stuff right now

is a book I've heard people raving about: "What to Do With Your Life," by Po Bronson. Apparently, it's a very practical and supportive guide to sorting out what you want to do and how, and focuses on helping people make their passions part of their economic and professional realities.

[mrl821]

12. Sounds interesting...

Thank you, Blue Iris! I will definitely check that out!

[peacebuzzard]

5. Hi there and welcome to DU...

In this group, I rarely post, but lurk very often.

You sound very "sensitive" and I think that 1st guy who thinks the pRez "has a nice face" must suffer from brain drain. Ugh...Don't listen to that creepo! The one thing that is unanimous at DU is our aversion to this administration that has hijacked our home and country.. Here on DU you exhange ideas w/ virtual friends for hours...either instantly, if you are online and the other posters are as well, or you can use it as an idea exchange board you can visit on your own time. This is very unlike the instant infamous chat rooms, in the fact that most topics actually get discussed and can go to very deep levels (or not).

I think this is only my 2nd post in this Spirituality group. My grandmother was a Spiritualist, and from an early age I learned about this multi-dimensional life we spend time in.
Here in this group in particular, you will certainly find caring advice from many of these kind souls with ability to post their thoughts and resources. And, again, welcome!

Peace.
:patriot: :hi:

[DemExpat]

6. Hi, peacebuzzard - love you picture there...

feel free to share your musings more often here with us as well, the more the merrier as they say, and everybody here has a different slant on things - makes it a fascinating place to share and to learn.

:hi:

DemEx

[peacebuzzard]

7. Thanks, DemEx....

I do visit here many many times....
off to work now....this economy and my current main day job has forced me to take on a 2nd job to make ends meet...

That photo is my sweet Rudy in Cades Cove, TN (fall, 2002). Located about 50 miles from my home.
It was a great day that was for doggie portraits..!!


:hi: :patriot:

[mrl821]

13. Thanks for the welcome, peacebuzzard!

I lurked here a year before my first post, but this is a nice place to be. I live in an area that is like 90% right-wing. It seems like my father and I are the only ones in this town who don't support this administration and sometimes, especially with everything that is and has been going on, it's just hard to keep my mouth shut.

So I definitely like the idea of a place this place, with everyone on the same political page. However, I've only yet had the guts to post here in this group. I am rather sensitive and I like the overall kindness in this group.

I guess it's kind of funny - I don't want to get into arguments or deal with mean people over the internet, but I certainly have no trouble attracting that kind of stuff IRL.

[Quakerfriend]

8. Welcome mrl821!

You must remember that just joining DU has made you a whole lot more aware of the truth about what's going on in politics in this country. I suggest that your first friend is just a little bit afraid of what he doesn't know.

I have had a similar situation with some repugs in my family. Remember that the very best thing you can do is to help to educate them. What I do is gently share some info by saying something like this: "I used to think that too until I read "Worse than Watergate by J. Dean" and "The Price of Loyalty" by Paul O'Neil.

Just sow the seeds. And, do it with kindness and understanding of their point of view:crazy: - as crazy as it may seem!

And, with respect to life in general, remember this: We are all here on this earth for only two reasons- loving and learning. If you can remember this then whatever changes come about in your life, whether they appear to be good or bad at the time, will be a bit easier.

Sometimes others will not treat you well, for whatever reason. People only treat others badly because of some pain that they carry inside. It can come in any form- putting you down in front of others, withholding compliments, jealousy etc. You may need to step away from people who seem to drag you down at times. But, still show them kindness. And, try to remember their good qualities and continue to see them in a good light, no matter what they may do.

[mrl821]

14. Thank you, Quakerfriend!

I did have talk with him about the conversation. And he admitted that part of the problem is that he doesn't have time for politics, so he would just rather not get into those conversations. But he wanted me to admit that there was the possibility that I could be wrong. That whatever I read or hear could just be spin or lies. And of course I said the same thing to him.

He is just so close-minded and completely closed off to any ideas that do not come from the mainstream. And I definitely tried to use the kindness and understanding approach with him, in fact, most of that conversation was me telling him about things that I am concerned about (and I tell him these things because I care about him), but every single point I made fell on deaf ears.

I do believe wholeheartedly in what you say about kindness, understanding and love. I know that I can only control me and the way that I feel and react to things. And I do try to keep in mind that people do act the way that they do because of the pain in their lives and that most of the time it has nothing to do with me. I am, by nature, a kind, compassionate, and understanding person, and I've been that way throughout this whole friendship. That conversation the other night was just one of my many breaking points. A person can only take so much hatred and negativity.

But anyway, thank you for your comments. I will try to keep them in mind!