At Last, Facing Down Bullies (and Their Enablers)

[groovedaddy]

Back in the 1990s, I did a physical on a boy in fifth or sixth grade at a Boston public school. I asked him his favorite subject: definitely science; he had won a prize in a science fair, and was to go on and compete in a multischool fair.

The problem was, there were some kids at school who were picking on him every day about winning the science fair; he was getting teased and jostled and even, occasionally, beaten up. His mother shook her head and wondered aloud whether life would be easier if he just let the science fair thing drop.

Bullying elicits strong and highly personal reactions; I remember my own sense of outrage and identification. Here was a highly intelligent child, a lover of science, possibly a future (fill in your favorite genius), tormented by brutes. Here’s what I did for my patient: I advised his mother to call the teacher and complain, and I encouraged him to pursue his love of science.

And here are three things I now know I should have done: I didn’t tell the mother that bullying can be prevented, and that it’s up to the school. I didn’t call the principal or suggest that the mother do so. And I didn’t give even a moment’s thought to the bullies, and what their lifetime prognosis might be.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/09/health/09klas.html?th&emc=th

[HelenWheels]

1. Telling the teacher is useless

Most teachers don't want to get involved, nor do the principals. In my own experience when the school superintendent got involved, the principal denied there were any complaints this student was bullied. And this was after multiple complaints by his mother, father and grandmother. Calling the bully's parents seldom does anything but get denials and anger from the parents. You have to get the school counselor involved and sometimes threaten the school with legal action--and mean it.

[HelenWheels]

2. Addition

The most effective action to stop bullies is to get the students who witness the bullying involved. This requires a program by the school to encourage all students to be good citizens and stand up for the kid being bullied.

[AndyTiedye]

5. The Other Students Are Usually Cheering the Bully On

[Stellabella]

3. It depends on the teacher and the school.

My husband, a teacher at an ALC high school (for kids who have flunked out of regular schools) has a zero tolerance policy for bullying of any kind. He regularly tells his students he will flunk them on bullying alone. He also gives lectures on the 'culture of acceptance' or how if you do nothing when you see bullying you are part of the problem.

His school is happy, and the kids are flourishing. The principal and other teachers have the same policy. Of course, not all bullying can be prevented (giving someone dirty looks, for instance, is almost impossible to prevent), but telling the teacher and the school IS an important step.

If that doesn't work, then there are other steps to take.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

4. It wasn't when I was teaching

I had a zero tolerance policy towards bullying, and if I found out about it, all those involved had an intense, one on one session with me. I was teased and bullied as a child, and I would tell them how hurtful--and how lasting--the effects were. Stopped the teasing and bullying in its tracks.