Gray and Gay: Closeted Psychiatrist Comes Out After 40 Years

[w8liftinglady]

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/gay-gray-psychiatrist-loren-olson-40-years-closeted/story?id=14022799

Growing up in the Iowa farm belt, Dr. Loren Olson always thought of himself as "heterosexual, with a little quirk."

He wondered why he had to work so hard at masculinity and attributed his feelings of being a "man-imposter" to the death of his father in a tractor accident when he was 3.

Olson went on to have a satisfying 18-year marriage and two daughters but, inside, he always knew something wasn't quite right. He describes "always editing my behavior and thoughts." But long after many men acknowledge their sexual orientation, he came out after the age of 40.

In his new book, "Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight," Olson, now 68 and semi-retired psychiatrist, examines the lives of closeted gay men, many of whom have sex with other men but deny they are homosexual.

"These men lead hidden lives and that's a very lonely place to be," he said. "They feel like they are one secret away from losing everything they love." Olson describes it as "a kind of sexual purgatory," and many turn to drugs and alcohol for solace.

[Angry Dragon]

1. I thought this was going to be about Marcus

[closeupready]

2. Sometimes I wish I could care more about people like this.

Then I realize that people like this are likely worth far more than I am and own homes and have had more interesting lives than I do, and this is due, in part, to their willingness to lie to the world about their sexual orientation, and my refusal to do so.

The resentful part of me thinks, "Enjoy your toys, sellout," but I know that's harsh.

[yardwork]

3. I haven't read the book, but from the snippet in the OP, it sounds like he didn't know.

I didn't know that I'm gay until I was 45. I was married 25 years. Yes, it was a "satisfying" marriage, as the author above says. I have two children. It never once occurred to my conscious mind in all those 45 years that I am a lesbian until one day the realization hit me like a thunderbolt out of the blue.

I changed my entire life. Divorced, openly gay, etc.

Did I benefit from heterosexual privilege all those years? Yes. Did I do it knowingly? No. Was my subconscious hollering at me the whole time and trying to get my attention? Yes.

Heterosexual privilege - and the alternative - probably played a big part in my unconscious adolescent mind's decision to bury my sexuality. That's why I'm openly gay and I advocate for gay rights. I don't want anybody to go through what I went through, and put the people I loved through.

[closeupready]

5. That's an excellent counterpoint - I should have thought of that.

Naturally, people like, for example, Meredith Baxter, can take a while to discover that they are gay.

Just ignore me today - I'm in a mood, lol. :hi:

[beyurslf]

4. My wealth and the things I own in this life have nothing to do with the the gender of my

sexual partners. I am sorry that it affects yours.

[closeupready]

6. As I say above, I'm bitter today, so just ignore me.

LOL :hi:

[yardwork]

7. Yes, it is very sad and wrong that being gay in the U.S. means less privilege and often, less wealth

The laws are against us. It's as simple as that.

[lightningandsnow]

8. I think that maybe if people were more open to the idea of sexual fluidity,

this wouldn't be as much of an issue.

It's probably true that this man is gay, but I think a lot of people who have stories like this might actually be on the bisexual spectrum. Even the GL community itself seems to view sexuality as a one-or-the-other thing, which isn't helpful if you happen to be coming out as bisexual.

[closeupready]

9. This is true, and I'll admit again (as I've done before) that I often struggle

with anger at bisexuals, particularly men. I can't really help it, I just feel it's so very, very unfair how easy their lives can sometimes seem. But I know that it's not constructive to feel that way, so I try to work through those feelings, but they always seem to be there somewhere.

Also, I've been burned before by bisexual men, so I'm not exactly a blank slate or anything.

[lightningandsnow]

10. I think it helps to remember...

that there's more to any one person's story than whoever they happen to be dating at this very moment. If I was seriously dating a guy now, it still wouldn't negate the crap I went through in high school for being queer. Homophobes generally tend not to differentiate between those who are a 6 on the kinsey scale, and those somewhere between 1 and 5: to them, it's all icky.

Also, dishonesty and carelessness are not a bisexual thing. They're a human thing. I know it's hard to remember that when you've been wronged by members of a certain group you're not a part of, but it's true nonetheless.

Good for you for at least recognizing and combating the prejudices you might have. :hi:

[Divine Discontent]

11. ding ding ding! I feel a guy that seemed to care for me, but later ran off & said

he would have married me "no question" if he was gay, was actually bisexual, because did things that a straight-only man wouldn't have said/done with me. He married a woman about 8 years later. I think people need to understand and start accepting that there are many people that have some attraction to the same sex, or a lot, depending on each person of course. I agree that the GL community seems to think in black/white only on the subject, when there's plenty of bisexual people.

good post!