AUSTRALIA GETS DRUNK, WAKES UP IN NORTH ATLANTIC

[Kire]

current location of australia

AUSTRALIA GETS DRUNK, WAKES UP IN NORTH ATLANTIC
Tired of Being Isolated and Ignored, Continent Isn't Bloody Moving

Sydney, 800 miles S. of Nova Scotia (SatireWire.com) — After what witnesses described as an all night blinder during which it kept droning on about how it was always being bloody ignored by the whole bloody world and would bloody well stand to do something about it, Australia this morning woke up to find itself in the middle of the North Atlantic.

"Good Lord, that was a booze up," said a bleary-eyed Australian Prime Minister, John Howard, speaking from his residence at Kirribilli House, approximately 600 nautical miles east of Cape Hatteras, North Carolina.

According to Australians and residents of several countries destroyed or lewdly insulted during the continent's nearly 7,000-mile saltwater stagger, the binge began just after noon yesterday at a pub in Brisbane, where several patrons were discussing Australia Day and the nation's general lack of respect from abroad.

"It started off same as always; coupla fossils saying how our Banjo Patterson was a better poet than Walt Whitman, how Con the Fruiterer is funnier than Seinfeld, only they're Aussies so no one knows about 'em," recalled witness Kevin Porter. "Then this bloke Martin pipes up and says Australia's main problem is that it's stuck in Australia, and everybody says 'Too right!'"

"Well, it made sense at the time," Porter added.

More: http://www.satirewire.com/news/jan02/australia.shtml

[Captain Hilts]

1. That's a riot (nt)

[Usrename]

2. G'day mates, welcome to chaos n/t

[leveymg]

3. Knew there had to be a reason for all that foul wind and snoring

Too much beer before bed, mates.

[LiberalEsto]

4. I just sent your post to an Aussie friend

She'll get a good laugh from it

[Violet_Crumble]

5. Just as funny as the first time I read it...

A friend showed it to me a few years back when it was first published. My favourite bit is:

"Australia bumped into us at about midnight local time," said Hawaii governor Ben Cayetano. "They were very friendly — they always seem friendly — but they refused to go around unless we answered their questions. But the questions were impossible. 'Who is Ian Thorpe? Do you have any Tim Tams? What day is Australia Day?'"

"Fortunately, somebody here had an Unimportant World Dates calendar and we aced the last one," Cayetano added.

Nyuck, nyuck...

Violet...

[velvet]

6. oh shit

Where are our undies and who did we sleep with?