The American people know it beause Bob Dole knows it.

[Mabus]

I think I've been possessed by Bob Dole. I think it comes from the Admiral's re-enactment of the SNL Real World with Bob Dole (Norm MacDonald) fighting with his roommates over peanut butter. For some reason, the following (another SNL skit) keeps popping into my head.

Republican Debate '88

Pat Schroeder.....Nora Dunn
George Bush.....Dana Carvey
Bob Dole.....Dan Aykroyd
Jack Kemp.....Phil Hartman
Pat Robertson.....Al Franken
Pete Dupont.....Kevin Nealon

***

Bob Dole: I don't believe my good friend George Bush - he's lying, he knows it, you know it, I know it, the people at home know it, the American people know it, we all know it. Now, it's one thing to attack an opponent's record in the heat of a campaign.. but when you come after an opponent's wife, well, to me, that's another thing! Now, my wife, Elizabeth Dole, ran the buses of this country for three years, so it's not fair! Maybe if you have a wife of privilege, like George Bush, you don't know that! You see, Bob Dole grw up in Kansas in a small farm town, he didn't have the prep school education, or the sterling silverware, or the bumper pool table in the basement.. didn't have the shower & massage with five-way adjustable heads.. or the sit-down lawnmower. Bob Dole didn't have these things!

George Bush: Now, wait a minute, can I say something here?

Bob Dole: George, I'm not finished yet!

George Bush: Now, I'm not gonna back down..

Bob Dole: I know it, you know it, and the people here tonight know it.. the American people know it, we all know it.. Bob Dole, Republican candidate is gonna be the next President of the United States! So why don't you just go back home to your summer home in Maine, your automatic garage door opener, your electric steak knife, and run around Kennenbunkport, Maine in your powerboat, while I take care of real issues in the White House!

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/87/87kdebate.phtml

[evlbstrd]

1. This is freaky.

I completely understand.

[Mabus]

2. I knew that you would

Fortunately Bob has almost be exorcised now. At least I don't feel like saying "you know it, I know it and the American people know it" now.

[evlbstrd]

3. Did that require a priest?

And what did it cost? Dole didn't have to be dead first?

[Mabus]

4. I needed a young priest and an old priest

but since I couldn't find one I had to consider some other options. Then, out of the blue, it hit me!

Doh! I'm the anti-christ. Why am I looking for an exorcism with priests!

I had to start over and rethink things. I think I finally figured it out. I was running low on evil and, if I didn't get an exorcism to knock out the lesser evils that were beginning to invade while my system was weakened, I'd be infested with all kinds of nonsense. It happens. That anti-biotic I was on last month weakened my immune system and allowed lesser evils, like Dole, too much control.

See, back when they sold their souls to me, I realized they were a pretty sleazy lot so I required them to leave my a part of their soul as a down payment. A few of these lesser evils took advantage of me when I was weak and increased their presence. Basically, they were looking to renegotiate the deals I made with them years ago, back when the GOP was thinking small. It wasn't so much an exorcism as sending that spigeon of Dole('s soul I have to carry around with me) back to the cornfield that I'm keeping it in.

I popped some vitamin B compound (time released) and it got rid of him.

The only brain functioning in Dole's system is the second one and that's only after he's washed down one of his ED pills with some Pepsi while watching a Brittany Spears video. (whew!)