Warlord Committee Awards Obama Afghan Presidency

[ThisThreadIsSatire]

(Satire from http://TheDesperateBlogger.com)

Kandahar, October 23 – In the latest, and perhaps biggest surprise of the end-of-year awards season, the committee representing Afghanistan’s most prestigious tribal leaders and warlords has named Barack Obama the next President of the war torn nation. The award marks the first time a leader of a nation with whom most of the country’s citizens consider themselves at war has been so honored.

A visibly surprised Obama told reporters that he was, “both honored and humbled” to receive the honor, adding, “I don’t feel I belong in the same tent with many of the distinguished past recipients, so I will accept this award as a ‘call to action’ to bring Western-style democracy that will improve the lives of the Afghan people and bring added stability to the region.”

In a gesture designed to demonstrate his commitment to democracy, the American President said he hopes to form a coalition government with the winner of the November 7th popular election runoff between opposition leader Abdullah Abdullah and incumbent Bush-appointee Hamid Karzai. Under the plan, Obama would assume power over only the regions currently controlled by the warlords and tribal leaders responsible for awarding him the presidency, and the democratically elected president would preside over the areas currently under the control of Afghanistan’s central government – an area believed to total nearly sixteen acres in and around downtown Kabul.

Shortly after the White House press briefing, GOP lawmakers, in a stunning reversal, called for the immediate withdrawal of all U.S. forces from Afghanistan. When asked if such a move might jeopardize President Obama’s mission, not to mention his safety while he is there, House Minority Leader John Boehner responded, “It’s been well over six years since any significant number of U.S. military and National Guard forces were in the same country as the President, and it’s never been a concern before.”

For his part, President Obama downplayed suggestions of a rift between himself and Republicans on Capitol Hill, telling red-carpet interviewer Ryan Seacrest, “As a matter of fact, I plan to name Republicans currently serving in both houses of our Congress to virtually every cabinet-level and key government office in Afghanistan.” After an intern explained to the obviously befuddled Seacrest that Congress does indeed consist of two houses, the President continued, “I believe their experience in dealing with their core supporters in the United States makes Republicans ideally suited to working with, and for, a fervently religious population, and their ideas and principles make them uniquely qualified to lead the nation of Afghanistan into the 19th Century.”

Senator Chuck Grassley (R-IA), believed by most insiders to be the President’s top choice to become Afghan Finance Minister, told reporters, “I am of course taken totally by surprise. After all, what has he done to merit this? But that being said, when the President calls upon you to serve, if you are able, you serve. I am also heartened by the prospect of having Republican control in Afghanistan. After such a long and difficult history, speaking for myself, I feel a moral obligation to do everything within my power to ensure that the good people of Afghanistan never again suffer the tyranny of a government-run health care system.”

[Clio the Leo]

1. Well, ...... Pres. Bush had a ranch. NT