Ok, Palin just reminded me of why I'm running for president in the first place

[Wetzelbill]

Here is my closing argument.

I promise that if you all come out and vote for Wetzelbill/Kurovski that I will sign the greatest legislation in the history of mankind. I will enforce it with a signing statement if I have to do it.

What is it?

If any Republican ever says "Democrat Party" instead of "DemocratIC" they will be forced to have the word "DOUCHEBAG" branded with a hot iron on their forehead in capital letters. And every time they do it thereafter they will continue to be branded all over their bodies. Time and time and time again if necessary.

Please allow me to serve you, I will not let this country down.

Vote Wetzelbill/Kurovski '08

[Ptah]

1. Is it a solar powered branding iron?

Or maybe wind powered?

[Wetzelbill]

5. I think we could go either way

Kurovski will be making most of those type of decisions.

[Jackpine Radical]

11. I didn't know U gize go either way.

Are you amphidextrous?

[Kurovski]

15. It will be a magical branding iron.

Totally run by Bible-power.

It is scientifically proven to work, so don't fucking argue with me.

[Wetzelbill]

20. we believe in science?

[Kurovski]

Remember when I explained that Gilligan's Island episode to you?

The one about how the professor makes all that crap out of fronds and whale shit?

Yes, we believe in science. SCIENCE.

[Poseidan]

25. believe in science?

Belief (a.k.a. ignorance), is the antithesis of science. Only someone who knows nothing about science would say it is something you 'believe' in. When was the last time gravity failed to function? In your dreams or in the Bible?

Now continue, please, with your gag.

[Wetzelbill]

28. well, obviously you don't believe in America

You know, that was kind of a douchie reply, but since I need your vote, I won't mention it at all and move on with my gag.

[Kurovski]

30. It occurs to me that if Communist Obama wins, this issue will be covered by default.

It's an issue of grammar as well.


"And it is not "the calvary" that now comes to your rescue,
but "the cavalry", my suffering sister!

You can at last sleep in sweet peace knowing that upon awakening, all such offenders shall be on that same day taken away and sequestered until educated.

My friends, Woe betide she who utters the curse "Grammar Asshole!" or "miserable, fucking know-it-all" to a comrade. For the one thing we know with certainty is that clear thinking and clear speech will secure the State's health! ( Along with ACORN.)"

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4345595#4346098


But your plan is much better. I like the "maverick method". Sarah Palin keeps asking "When did Obama ever go against his party?" It is a Wetzelbill/Kurovski presidency that will buck the Democratic Party! We are the Mavericks in this race! We are the only ones in this race who spent five and a half years in art school! We will go against our party's call for fairness and basic decency!

Let's MAVERICK up the rest of these mofo's!!!

[Ptah]

36. I like magic

[HysteryDiagnosis]

2. You are running for president..... while John is running

from a president, hoping no one will remember the love.

[Wetzelbill]

8. I think my chances of winning are probably better than his chances

of getting away from Bush.

That's gotta be rough for McCain. Bush kicked his ass both times he ran for president. Ouch.

[HysteryDiagnosis]

14. Seems equivalent to pop eye being beat up by Sluggo. Speaking

of old cartoons... some of you will remember this guy, take a stroll down memory lane just for laughs and to release a little pre-election steam and nervousness.

Gumby on the moon
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nT2eHX5h8Pk&feature=related

[Jackpine Radical]

3. That's the best campaign promise I've heard from U gize yet.

Even better than that one about pubic self-emulation (or did I dream that?)

[Wetzelbill]

7. we might have promised that

although I wouldn't use a word that big on the campaign trail.

[Kurovski]

18. You're kidding me right?

You've been collecting campaign cash every weekend for two years in the alley of The Manhole for doing that stunt.


You've been calling it "Furry and the Fax Machine", but it's the same exact routine.

[Wetzelbill]

23. well in all fairness to me, that might have been when I was sober

I don't really remember those times too well. I sort of drink them into nonexistence.

[JeffR]

4. Well sonuvabitch! I already voted Obama and now I read this!

I thought you two had suspended your campaign to fix the Cheetos crisis. Dammitall!

[Wetzelbill]

6. Et tu JeffR?

If by some chance I'm not elected this time - not likely I know I have it in the bag- your wife and I are forming a ticket in 2012. She's been trying to get me to dump Kurovski for a few months now.

[JeffR]

22. So does this mean I get to be Second Dude?

Can I have a snow machine? Can I can I?

[Wetzelbill]

24. I think I'd actually be the VP candidate in that one

So you'd be First Dude.

We both know that if she was my VP, I'd be either whacked or overthrown within a month of taking office, just so she could have power. I am perfectly happy being VP, that job doesn't entail anything really.

[Aloha Spirit]

9. lol me too

[Wetzelbill]

13. it's a good thing you registered 17 times with ACORN

You can still give me the rest of your votes.

[Berry Cool]

10. One more campaign promise, please?

You'll also brand it on the forehead of anyone who says "nukukar"?????

[Wetzelbill]

12. I say "nukular!"

But it's cute when I do it. So everybody else, sure.

And also, those who say "pundint" will get it too.

[H2O Man]

16. In backwards letters? n/t

[Wetzelbill]

17. only if I want to blame it on an Obama supporter

:)

[XOKCowboy]

26. LOL Good One..

It's the Republican way!

[demokatgurrl]

19. A definite kick- but WE have to take "Democratic" back

example: we got a bumper sticker from DNC and stupidly, it said "No Third Term; Vote DEMOCRAT". Neither my husband nor I would put it on our car. We were able to order, from a site called DEMOCRATICSTUFF.COM, a sticker that said "Had Enough? Vote Democratic".

Our candidates and party leaders should have the guts to correct the assholes who do that, not LET them brand us as they wish.

Stupid fucking Republik party.

[Wetzelbill]

21. exactly

[Lucy Goosey]

27. I HATE that petty "Democrat Party" bullshit

It's one thing for pinheads like Rush to do it, but the Republican Veep nominee? Come on. You should be way above this adolescent crap.

[Wetzelbill]

29. oh they all do it

Bush says it all the time. McCain does. GOP leadership like McConnell. It's childish.

[Kurovski]

32. I think the insult goes back to the FDR days.

Maybe our staff would look it up for us?

Or is the only staff member left that Scarlett Johansson look-alike?

[EFerrari]

31. If you change the brand to "HorribleWarningHere", I'm in.

(Wait -- wasn't I a highly paid campaign operative? Oops!)

[Kurovski]

33. Yes, at a price beyond rubies.

Or some-such.

[Wetzelbill]

34. Yeah but didn't we throw you under the bus for calling Kurovski a "diva"

when he and I had some infighting going on, back when the campaign wasn't doing well?

on edit:

I'm pretty sure you leaked that to Bill Kristol.... or at least Billy Crystal anyway.

[SidDithers]

35. You got my vote...

I might be Canadian, but the ACORN people said it was OK. :)

Sid

[Wetzelbill]

39. That's good enough for me

[Kurovski]

37. A kick before I go campaigning at Chippendale's.

This election stuff is important and shit.

[Wetzelbill]

40. your dedication is indomitable

I don't even know what that word means. It's like a snowman or something, right?

[Kurovski]

42. No,

I do believe you're thinking of the "Abdominal Snowman".

[Laelth]

38. I admit being tempted to vote for you.

Fortunately, I already voted for Obama.

It would take a Constitutional amendment allowing "cruel and unusual punishment" in order for the Supreme Court to not overturn your law, but it might be worth it.

The Republics are vile, and it's obviously by design.

The United States is a LIBERAL Country.

:dem:

-Laelth

[Wetzelbill]

41. no it's fine to vote for Obama

Just use all of your other ACORN registered votes for me.