My girlfriend's uber conservative family hates me, and vice versa

[nomorewhopper]

HOW DO I DEAL WITH THIS?

My girlfriend's family is arch conservative in the libertarian, mountain state kind of way. normally, this is my favorite kind of conservative. known for analytical thinking and strong values, these mountain men prefer to be left alone and have government out of their lives. not my thing, but in my mind they are typically better than the fire breathing evangelicals who i simply cannot stand.

I digress.

These people walk in line with the republican party and i can only think that if George Bush himself murdered their firstborn son and feasted on his rotting corpse in the basement of their resort condo, they would definitely support GWB's decision. I mean, literally everything that the republicans have done over the past 10 years is AMAZING to them. And likewise, the democrats are DESPICABLE to them. Palin? She's the tops. McCain? We love him. The war? We're safer, aren't we?

Anyway my girlfriend is not very political, but is VERY much persuaded by her family, and I am the only one in the "fold" who disagrees. And this is causing problems. Big ones. Like I simply cannot believe that I am considering getting engaged to somebody who refuses to acknowledge global warming, supports this war on terror, and thinks that Bush is doing a bang-up job. Obama is commonly referred to as a Marxist and taxes are a hot topic, despite our country's rampant spending on defense and two wars, fiscal responsibility is NOT their strong suit. borrowing half a trillion from china is just fine, thank you very much.

Their family is very wealthy and yet bemoans the future when Obama becomes president and Dr. Dad is run out of business by the evil socialized medicine man. They refer to themselves as middle class and yet own three homes, one in a ritzy ski town, drive two huge Mercedes SUVs, travel extensively across the globe, and have an income north of $400k.

My problem is that I cannot hold my tongue and while I accuse them of being ignorant they accuse me of the same. They don't understand how somebody with my success and education can support Obama. I think they are a bit racist too, no joke. I was pointing out to them (they are athiests, of all things) that the Republican party was hijacked by the evangelicals and the fiscal conservatives had to fend for themselves, and they told me that the Democratic party was the party of blacks and unemployed. And they said it like, "how can you be with them?".

Anyway, my girlfriend hung up on me today after I was trying to explain how we sold T-bills to China to pay for the war, and I'd rather see huge gobs of money invested over here. And I'm frankly embarrassed by her and her "head in the sand" views. I'd hate to let this get in the way of my heart, because honestly this is the best relationship i've ever had. despite my colorful description in this post, all is well, except for the politics thing.

I don't really need any responses. I just wanted to vent. I'm sure that many of you can relate to what I'm saying. I mean, she's an amazing person, but how hte fuck can she think this crazy shit? Am I nuts to be super pissed or am I nuts to throw it all away?

Bleh, republicans.

BTW Guliani's speech tonight shat the bed. Palin was so-so. The whole Palin thing just seems to "American Idol-esque". The whole schebang makes me feel ill.

[GrizzlyMan]

1. If I were you, I'd move on

Plenty of fish in the sea. When my wife and I started dating, I waited awhile to broach the politics subject. To my relief she was semi-liberal, otherwise it would have been a deal breaker.

You stay with this girl, you'll be dealing with these nutcases the rest of your natural life...or until you divorce.

[trueblue2007]

31. DUMP HER!!! Dump her now. You didn't say your age

there must be TONS of Demo women you will find attractive.

Get involved in local politics and hang out with people who you have things in common. Don't let your "lower region" make your life hell forever.

Don't look back. Leave now.

***Married woman for 20 years to progressive man and I approve this message.

[bevoette]

2. is the sex really that good? ;)

[nomorewhopper]

7. yes :)

lol

like i said, everything else is amazing, from sex to discussion to activites to everything. and she lives a super frugal, urban, intellectual yoga lifestyle. like lives in a shoebox and doesn't drive a car and only takes public transportation everywhere. her green footprint is off the charts low, but her political tomfoolery is off the charts high.

the middle ground.

oh how i seek it.

[DianeG5385]

3. Get a new girlfriend

Don't torture yourself

[rwenos]

4. I Had a Wife Like That Once

She was proud to vote twice for Ronald Reagan. Raised Catholic, became Evangelical.

When she wouldn't move to California with me (home for me, better job market, more sunshine, etc.), she said "I can't go. There's no God in California."

That's when I knew it was over. Moved out of the bedroom that night, filed for divorce a couple months later.

She's married to a like-minded conservative now, living the pure life in Seattle suburbs.

If you and your lady can make it work with such enormous differences, good on you 'mon!

[KingOfLostSouls]

9. Living in the Seattle suburbs?1?! LMFAO!!

I love how conservatives always bemoan the liberals but always want to move to seattle or chicago or new york and be around all those "cosmopolitan" places they bitched about obama



wasn't rudy the fucking mayor of NYC?

[rwenos]

17. Yeh, She Found the Right Church

So that's where she lives.

There are plenty of conservatives around big cities. I live in LA. I work in OC. I drive from liberal latte country to Okie redneck country in 30 short miles.

By the way, I finally married the RIGHT girl, center-left independent, and have been married 21 years.

[JVS]

5. Get her pregnant, then leave.

[kitkat65]

19. LOL! You are bad!

On edit:

Don't get me wrong. I like bad.

[DontTreadOnMe]

6. My advice... 2 cents worth

I don't see how two people can live together if they are on opposite sides of the political spectrum.
It can only lead to distrust. You need to discuss your concerns with her now, and not later.

[peoli]

8. Just smoke a bong and it will all be ok.

[Arugula Latte]

10. I'm sorry to say this, but :

I think you should RUN. Fast. Hard. Now.

You really want to spend decades with someone who is ignorant, has her "head in the sand," and denies global warming, and is too stupid to see through Bush? Sorry to be blunt, but if she can't see through him, she is stupid. You don't deserve to be married to a stupid person. You deserve to be married to someone you can have political conversations with (it's not "just" politics -- it's life outlook, life philosophy, empathy towards the non-rich and non-white, etc. etc.).

Seriously. Throw it away. It's not worth saving. You shouldn't be feeling ill. And you don't need years and years of feeling ill.

You'll meet someone eventually and you'll have an overwhelming feeling that it is "right." And you'll think: "Thank the universe I didn't marry what's-her-name the rightwing ignoramus."

[Kerrytravelers]

20. Mr. kt says this about someone he was with for a few years.

Needless to say, we are alike in our life philosphy. I agree. It's not just politics, it is a whole way of viewing human being's dignities and the way to treat the world.

[zulchzulu]

11. Tell her to fuck off and move the hell on

There are way too many wonderful passionate liberal women out there who would make you wonder why you wasted your time.

Cut the chord and split. It will be worth it. Otherwise, you are torturing yourself.

[Zookeeper]

12. One concern should be that she can't separate from her...

parent's ideology. She should be thinking for herself, even if that thinking ends up with her agreeing with them.

Offhand, it doesn't sound like you can have a relationship with her without her family being a big part of it.

Good luck!

[patrice]

13. Oh dear . . .

;(

[futureliveshere]

14. You sound passionate about being a democrat?

Then why torture yourself with this unnecesary heartburn? Remember that being a democrat or a republican is more than just a party. It is a fundamental belief system regarding health care, rights of the underprivileged or less fortunate, global warming and the environment, science and technology and the way education is imparted, military force versus diplomacy etc etc.

I know you realize this and don't really need me to remind you. But I thought you need some words of comfort. So stick with your heart and if in your heart you are a real democrat then the choice will become easier.

[Name removed]

15. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Danger Mouse]

16. It's not worth it. Move on.

[Kerrytravelers]

18. Keep this in mind: when you marry someone, you marry yourself into their family.

Yes, there are people who never speak to their in-laws. But most people have to deal one way or the other. Do you really want these people in your life... for the rest of your life. The party of "blacks and the unemployeed."????? I wouldn't want these people around my children- which you may have someday. Mr kt and I have already made it clear that our former sister-in-law (was married to Mr. kt's late brother) is not to be anywhere near our children for very much the same reasons. Sorry, I'm not hosting a KKK party.

You sound miserable. Is this really the way you want to live the rest of your life?

Do what you want, I'm just throwing some thoughts out there. I know what I would do. It's not just "politics," it is a whole philosphy on life.

[mrreowwr_kittty]

21. I got to the point where I just couldn't date Republicans.

I'm sorry but it's a matter of basic values. I was doing the personal ads for a while a few years ago and I found it necessary to put it right in my profile that "Bush supporters need not apply". Luckily, I found a man who shares probably 99% of my worldview and it makes things sooooo much easier. I've found that opposites attract only applies to magnets but YMMV. I feel for you, I really do. You and your g/f should have a long talk about this and figure out whether you can agree to disagree or if you should go your seperate ways. It's hard enough being a liberal in Dumbfuckistan, and intimate relationships should be a haven from the world, not another source of frustration. But again, this is my perspective and I know people who are in "mixed" relationships who seem to make it work.

[EmeraldCityGrl]

22. Look at the family you just described and ask yourself...

Is this the life, are these the people I want to become one day. Life is strange. We make small compromises, if we're not careful we become the sum total of those very
compromises. The journey back to the compassionate, thinking person you are now will be more difficult than you can imagine. Marriage is compromise. think long and hard as to how vast a leap you're willing to take.

Good Luck :-)

[madmax]

23. Accept it or end the relationship.

Those are your 2 choices. Can you marry this girl and accept her as she is?

If not, move on. The only couple I've seen who have been able to have two polar views and remain married are James Carville and Mary Maitlin.

Good Luck

[Straight Shooter]

24. She actually hung up on you?

That's just plain disrespectful. Run like hell. This woman is more like her parents than you think.

[mzmolly]

25. Well, if they can do it....

[jberryhill]

26. Apparently, you must impregnate their daughter, and then you'll be fine /nt

[Carolina]

27. things may be great in every area except politics

but remember politics influences all our lives so you cannot put it aside. Eventually, it will literally be the ELEPHANT in the room of your relationship. Then, if you are truly serious STOP and think about your potential children. Your political differences with her and her family will loom even larger when you wrestle over how your children will be raised.

Sorry, if she likes the hateful people who comprise the GOP that we saw in rabid display tonight, then down the road your relationship will suffer. The whole opposites attract thing is cute but long term is doomed.

[Gold Metal Flake]

28. The head and the heart are connected by the soul.

Maybe you need a little distance. A little time, and some perspective.

How much conflict can you stand right in your own home and on every holiday, year after year?

[Chasing Dreams]

29. This is a great time to take a leave of absence from the girlfriend / job / school, and

go to work for Obama/Biden. I mean serious volunteering. And take the time to go where your heart and soul need to be. Show your girlfriend and her family your passion and commitment. She may tell you it's either "me or the campaign." Choose the campaign.

There you will meet a like minded sweetheart, possibly in a similar situation. It will be passionate, maybe you'll even fall in love. And on November 5th you'll be able to share a great victory and not have to worry about what "they will think?"

Make the call to the Obama campaign. Tomorrow. That is all...

[shimmergal]

30. Do you have mutual friends?

If so, what are their politics? And how close is she to her family? Does she still live with them?

It's just possible that she's been brainwashed by her family background. If you do decide to have that little talk, maybe suggest that she and you spend some time with progressive friends and acquaintances. At least she'd see that you're not crazy, and not all Democrats are like her family's stereotype. Conversions DO happen in the political realm as well. Also, people tend to pick up on the attitudes of those they socialize with.

But I'm with the other posters here, inasmuch as if she can't change--at least to some middle-of-the-road thinking--it doesn't bode well for a future together.

[TheKentuckian]

34. You have to accept that there are only three kinds of Republicans

Stupid, evil, and recovering.

I'd wash my hands on the first two but if she on the path to good mental and spiritual health again, it might work if you tough it through.

Seriously, it's not the 50's anymore these are people are not on the same page and there are differences in opinion on how to get to common goals. Politics is world view, it's damn hard to share your life with someone in a wholly different reality.

May The Force Be With You.

[The Craw]

32. If you cant respect each others views, then move on...

It sounds like you are part of the problem- accusing them of being ignorant- can't you agree to disagree, even if you find their politics offensive? If you can't respect their right to hold their views, and they can't respect your right to hold your views, then I'd call it quits. Otherwise expect a life of hellish hostility with your rich inlaws. There doesn't need to be strife though-just avoid politics.
My brother is uber religious and a Republican- i'm not religious, and am a Democrat- yet he doesn't try and convert me, I don't try to demolish his beliefs. People in a family can have opposite views without fighting.

[vegansrule]

33. Get her pregnant...then they'll be forced to accept you with a shotgun Palinesque wedding...

[Norrin Radd]

35. If you aren't 100% certain of her, dump early, dump often.

[anigbrowl]

36. My first relationship (& thus, marriage) was like this. Get out now.

I'm sorry to be harsh but I've been there and I can tell you from experience it's not going to work, for you or for them.

[casus belli]

37. I'm probably not telling you anything you don't already know but...

...do you really want these people being the potential grand-parents of your children? Do you really want your fiancee or her parents having any impact, whatsoever, on who your children become?

There is, for all you may have in common, a deep divide that will in all likelihood never be crossed. Might be best to do a cost-benefit analysis and cut your losses.

[Dumak]

38. Do some volunteer work

Help poor people, help animals, help the environment... republicans hate that sort of thing. You'll find a nice girl. I volunteered at a wildlife rehabilitation clinic - the female/male ratio was very high :)