Hartford Courant on the "Porky and LaToya McCain Worm-Baiter LLC"

[Amerigo Vespucci]

Well, I Forgot How Many Toasters I Have

Colin McEnroe | To Wit
August 24, 2008



I personally don't mind that John McCain and his wife own seven or eight or 11 homes, depending on whose count you accept. I also don't mind that he doesn't really know how many he and his wife own.

In fact, the more I read about it, the more confused I got, too.

McCain himself may even be homeless. According to Politico.com — which has done some of the most rigorous analysis of this question and which is currently going with a hard eight as its McCain domicile number — all of the houses and condos are actually owned by his wife, Cindy McCain, "her dependent children and the trusts and companies they control."

I even get the feeling that Cindy has kind of a Lucy Ricardo streak when it comes to real estate. Every morning, when Ricky — I mean John — heads off to campaign for president, he says, "Now, honey, don't buy any more condominiums while I'm out. And don't try to fool me by having the Porky and LaToya McCain Worm-Baiter LLC buy one like you did last time, because I'm wise to that now."

But when he gets home, there's a bunch of closing documents scattered around the foyer.

"Cindy! You got some 'splainin' to do."

"Well, the Liebermans were visiting, and they didn't have anywhere to stay. I bought them a nice loft in Scottsdale."

From 2004 to 2008, Cindy McCain and her LLCs went on a Lucy-style binge, dropping about $11 million on a series of real estate acquisitions. This included a beach condo in the San Diego area. She says John didn't want it, because he's "not a beach person." But then everybody else in the family used it so much that she couldn't get in the door. So she bought a second one. Just those two salty little shacks cost $4.7 million, and her husband probably hasn't even been boogie-boarding there once.

With all these cribs, the McCains also had to increase the household staff. Last year, they spent $273,000 on domestics. You don't suppose McCain has a gentleman's gentleman, do you?

"What ho, Jeeves. I met a chap at the club last night who said I should tell Cindy to enter the Miss Buffalo Chip beauty contest."

"I should not advise that, sir. I am informed that the contest is immodest."

"A bawdy thing, is it, Jeeves?"

"Decidedly, sir."

"Right ho! Bring me my whangee, my yellowest Ferragamos, and the old green Homburg. I'm for a stroll around Phoenix."

"We are in Virginia today, sir. May I suggest the blue suit and the red tie? It is most becoming."

http://www.courant.com/news/local/columnists/hc-colin0824.artaug24,0,5807659.column