POMPEII, ITALY - Researchers excavating a newly discovered structure in Herculaneum were stunned to discover a very well-preserved wall painting that seems to depict Republican Presidential candidate Senator John McCain amongst several Roman citizens. Head researcher Richard Cox described his initial reaction to the painting as being hit by a ton of bricks.
"We had been working on a segment of a wall in what seemed to be a common area for about three days," Cox said. "We saw the paint on the wall, and it seemed to be incredibly intact. As we uncovered more of the wall from the ash, we saw the people at the right hand side, but was we moved further to the left, we saw the focus of the painting and when I saw it, my jaw just dropped. I turned to one of my associates and said, 'Is that John McCain?' Right away, we could tell it was him."
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Historians have been puzzled ever since this discovery came to light early Thursday afternoon. The eruprion of Mount Vesuvius in 79 AD buried the city of Pompeii and its surrounding towns in up to 12 different layers of ash. Entire buildings and even bodies were preserved by the sudden eruption that silenced thousands of citizens.
The fact that Senator McCain could be depicted so clearly was the cause of the confusion. Historians have traditionally placed John McCain's birth sometime around the year 1052, but this new discovery casts new light on the Senator's history. One historian, who declined to give his name for this story, said that it is possible that McCain is much older than historians ever knew.
"We thought he was nearing his 1000th birthday!" the historian said. "This discovery, which is simply marvelous and terrifying, means the Senator could be nearing the 2000th anniversary of his birth. It is simply astounding!"
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Cox said that there were still more walls to be uncovered inside the structure.
"We don't know what we'll find there. This may be an isolated image, or we may find more images of McCain under there," Cox said with a smile. "We'll just have to see what's under there!"
For those wishing to see the uncensored version of the McCain painting found in Herculaneum, said image can be found... Right here: