The Passion of the Clinton

[Umbram]

Clinton was born the chosen candidate whose destiny it was to ascend to the presidency. Having proselytized whatever political message she believed would be best received at each village she visited, worrying not at all about ideals, she came to find herself with a group of apostles.

Always loyal, her apostles gladly taught the religion of the Clinton, which changed daily based upon whatever political winds were blowing. Sadly though, the people began ignoring the shifting and often poorly thought out messages of the Clinton.

Now, much saddened by the certain demise of their savior, the apostles of The Clinton have gathered to discuss how it is that the Chosen One failed her mission. Having determined that their relevance is ever decreasing, the apostles came go a brilliant, but utterly disingenuous plan - The Clinton was to become the Martyr for Feminism.

And thus it was that the apostles could maintain their righteous indignation all while completely ignoring the ineptitude of their prophet.

The End.

[rug]

1. See you in three days.

[Umbram]

2. Oh, the resurrection is scheduled? (nt)

[Leopolds Ghost]

26. The resurrection will not be televised. (nt)

[Umbram]

3. Damn secular crowd. I guess it's time to say RAmen. (nt)

[KSinTX]

4. Not exactly the road to unity

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

[Umbram]

5. Lucky for me, I'm not doing anything unto anyone.

Unless general sarcasm directed towards one's foolish belief that Clinton is a martyr is included. In that case, I would have them do the same unto me.

[KSinTX]

7. Sorry, I took writing as an active act, something one might "do"

If some ridicule Obama for being sexist, as some are right now, or for running a campaign that successfully drew worshipping Obamabots, does that make you feel better about your candidate? Would you not rather we not engage in the Cold War-style rhetoric that we learned only leads to "mutually assured destruction?" I'm just saying that rather than ramping up the heat we focus on McCain. I could give you some great stuff to mock him about.

[Umbram]

8. Well, I am one of those folks...

that are able to separate my ideals from my emotions.

I can read a post online that I entirely disagree with and say to myself "that person is an idiot" just as some people may have said in regards to my post, and yet still vote for Clinton or Obama at the end of the day because I'm not so affectively dysfunctional so as to allow someone online to influence my principles.

Individuals who let the behavior of the supporters on either side detract from their respect for the candidates are a hopeless lot who treat politics like it is American Idol and have little in the way of core political values.

Daddy Obama and Mommy Clinton are not going to come to DU and wag a finger in their followers' faces and ask them to play nice. As such, we shouldn't hold either candidate down to the standards of their followers. As such, my little unsuccessful effort above at chiding some Clinton supporters should have no real consequence.

[KSinTX]

9. Words do matter. Unsuccessful? Damn, I think you're quite talented

But for its harm to those who passionately support Clinton, I found it an endearing style. I was just making the point that McCain is ideal fodder for your writing style and I believe you would do it some justice. My all time fave HAS to be this one: http://thecaucus.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/03/16/mccain-stumbles-on-hiv-prevention/

Tell me you can't lampoon the hell out of that!! Don't kill yourself laughing (I almost did!)

[Umbram]

10. Wow, someone need's to have the ole' birds and bees talk...

I see your point.

Alright - should I feel the need to write another OP anytime soon, it will be dedicated to our mutual pal, McCain.

[cbayer]

22. That article has been posted here several times.

and it never fails to stun me. How could he not know this?

[KSinTX]

23. I swear to god, first time I saw it I thought someone was punking me!

I know it's old news, but damn, I don't want that one (or any of his other gems) buried in our collectively short memories! It's just too precious!

[cbayer]

24. I agree. I thought it was an Onion piece when first posted here.

Laughed like crazy until I discovered it wasn't, then i was speechless.

[Umbram]

30. The McCain material is going to write itself.

I don't think we even need to come up with any material on him.

[AtomicKitten]

6. Amen.

[NC_Nurse]

11. But when does the torturing and crucifying start? Aren't you supposed to

SUFFER to be a martyr? I think most of the suffering she's endured has been at the hands of her own husband.

I mean, I DO wonder how she can cope...what with a paltry $108 million to go back to after this travesty of a campaign.

[NC_Nurse]

12. Well, DAYUM! I thought this was pretty good flamebait. Not one response?

I guess nobody can argue that she's REALLY suffering. :D

[Umbram]

14. RAmen! (nt)

[Umbram]

16. Actually, on second thought...

I'm probably just on so many ignore lists that not many people read your post :P

[NC_Nurse]

18. But I'm usually so NON-inflammatory!

:cry: :D

[Imagevision]

13. With Hillary we will witness what a powerful woman does when she is desperate and losing

[Umbram]

15. Substitute "woman" for "person" and I agree. (nt)

[kenny blankenship]

17. Hopefully you mean she will compose herself with dignity and remember

that there are millions of other people's futures invested in the outcome of the general election too, it's not just her own career; and that those people whether they supported her or not deserve a unified Democratic Party to champion their cause.

[YOY]

19. Open your hymnals to page 472 and sing "Poor Ol' Hill'ry"

to the tune of "Old Man River"...

[cbayer]

20. Wow, a Clinton as Christ metaphor

that paints Christ as an inept panderer who had a weak message and colluded to concoct an unbased matyrdom.

Yeah, that's probably gonna get you a lot of points among the Christ hating part of the Obama crowd. What are you thinking?

[Umbram]

25. Erm, no.

The fact that a *few* very vocal Clinton supporters here on DU are operating under the belief that she is a martyr is the premise of my rather sarcastic post.

Now, I think it would take a good deal of bad faith to read my post as being an attack on Christianity. Should anyone take it as such, I'm sure their faith is strong enough that they'll make it through without an existential crisis.

[cbayer]

27. I was mostly pulling your leg

But I don't think it's the best analogy to use. Generally if trying to paint someone with a negative brush, I would use a metaphor which referred to someone who is seen as negative. I'm not going to give you any ideas or anything.

I generally dislike hit pieces and I consider this to be one.

[Umbram]

29. Alright, I'll agree to that. (nt)

[anonymous171]

21. How does Bill Richardson fit into this?

[Leopolds Ghost]

28. Clinton On Their Minds: sung by Judas

My mind is clearer now
At last
All too well I can see

Where we all
Soon will be

If you strip away
The myth from the woman
You will see

Where we all
Soon will be

Hillaryyyyyyyy!!!



You've started to believe
These things they say of you!

You really do believe
This talk of Prez is true!?!?


And all the good you've done
Will soon be swept away!

You've begun to matter more
Than the things you say!


Listen Hillary
I don't like what I see
All I ask is that you listen to me!

And remember
I've been your right hand man all along.

You have set them all on fire!
They think they've found the new Messiah

And they'll hurt you when they find they're wrong!

I remember when this whole thing began
No talk of Goddess, we all were a fan!

And believe me
My admiration for you hasn't died!

But every word you say today...
Gets twisted 'round some other way

And they'll hurt you if they think you've lied!

Little Rock's most famous girl
Should have stayed a great unknown

Like her husband's corporate buds
She'd have made good!

Chairmen, speeches, boardroom posts
Would have suited Clinton most

She'd have caused nobody harm
Only alarm

Listen Clinton, do you care for your place?
Don't you see we must put wind up this race!

We occupy Iraq
Have you forgotten how put down we are?

I am frightened by the crowd
Talk jocks are getting much too loud

And they'll crush us if you go too far
If you go too fa-aaaaa-ar

Listen Clinton to the warning I give!
Please remember that I want hope to live!

But it's sad to see your chances weakening with ev'ry hour-our!

All your followers are blind!
Too much Clinton on their minds

It was beautiful, but now it's sour
Yes it's all gone sour

Ah --- ah ah ah --- ah
God Jesus, it's all gone sour

Listen Clinton to the warning I give
Please remember that I want hope to live
So come on, come on, listen to me.
Ah --- ah
Come on, listen, listen to me.
Come on and listen to me.
Ah --- ah

[TexasObserver]

31. if only this story ended with a crucifixion ...

the descent into Hell would not be followed by resurrection, of course