Breaking: Rove to join Wetzelbill/Kurovski Campaign as adviser

[JeffR]

WASHINGTON (AP) - Former Bush political guru Karl Rove's sudden resignation from the White House early today prompted a flurry of speculation inside the Beltway, but the rumors and wild guesses were laid to rest this afternoon by a second bombshell announcement confirming Rove's next job: Senior Political Adviser to the Wetzelbill/Kurovski '08 campaign.

The plucky Democratic Underground slate, already generating electoral buzz for its offbeat mix of populist appeal and Establishment cronyism, made an official announcement this afternoon at Washington's "Grill from Ipanema" restaurant. Speaking to a small group of surprised restaurant patrons, kitchen staff and WJLA's WeatherNow blogger Doug Hill, campaign spokesperson Laurab gave the following prepared statement:

"Today, the Wetzelbill/Kurovski '08 team is proud to welcome Karl Rove as Senior Political Adviser.

There will be some who construe this as a sign that Wetzelbill/Kurovski '08 is dedicated to winning at any cost. And they will be 100% correct.

Just a few months ago, many pundits openly questioned the viability of our candidates. How, they asked, could two obscure posters on a liberal discussion board hope to compete against seasoned statesmen like Tom Tancredo or Duncan Hunter? How, they wondered, could this slate compete in the big-money sweepstakes against fundraising juggernauts like Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton? How, they mused, could candidates widely considered crazier than Mike Gravel and Ron Paul combined, hope to win over that canniest of critics, the American voter?

Frankly, we don't know the answers to those questions. What we do know is this: Mr. Rove's many years of experience and his commitment to a safer, stronger America speak for themselves. His political skills, his hip-hop cred and his remarkable personal charisma made him the only logical person for the position. No mere political strategist, Mr. Rove is an all-powerful genius who can actually see through walls, levitate for short periods of time, predict the future, crush his opposition through mind-control, walk on water and travel freely to dimensions that astrophysics can't begin to understand.

Best of all from the campaign's perspective, he brings his own math."

West Wing staff have so far refused to comment on record about Rove's strange career move, but reaction from the punditocracy and the blogosphere alike was swift.

"Bulls---!" screamed Robert Novak, confronted by reporters as he exited his dentist's office. "If this were true, Karl would have called me. Or at least sent a fax."

Reached for comment by NPR, Markos Moulitsas of Daily Kos muttered, "This is just wrong on so many levels." He then sighed heavily and hung up.

Reaction from rival campaigns, both Democratic and Republican, was barely more measured.

Ben "Spitball" Romney, an operative for his father's campaign, made a brief statement minutes after the story hit the wires. "This is a cynical, calculated attempt to ruin my Dad's chances of becoming president, and it just totally sucks. And guess what? Wetzelbill once strapped his family's pet hamster to his American Flyer and pulled him around the block at high speeds. Is this who America wants in the Oval Office?"

Bill Richardson, speaking to a crowd of supporters at the Heaven On Earth Day Spa in Roswell, New Mexico, noted tersely that he never accepted the progressive credentials of the Wetzelbill/Kurovski campaign. "It's politics as usual," the governor said. "Who will they hire next? Andy Card? Tony Snow? This is a cheap stunt."

Rudy Giuliani took time out from digging the foundation for the Freedom Tower at Ground Zero to tell reporters, "I'm gonna kick Rove's a--. He promised me he was going to help my campaign. We had a deal."

The announcement also resonated beyond the political realm.

First Lady Laura Bush, delivering leftover hot dogs and hamburgers to an orphanage outside of Kennebunkport, Maine, initially tried to dodge questions about Rove, but finally admitted, "Nobody has suffered more over this than George and myself. Wetzelbill and Kurovski are so far outside mainstream American values, I worry that they'll corrupt poor Karl. Now watch me feed these poor, poor little orphaned children."

Sporadic rioting was reported in Karachi, Pakistan following the release of the announcement. Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf issued a general appeal for calm, noting, "It's too soon to understand the significance of this event. We've never even heard of Wetzelbill and Kurovski. As my good friend George W. Bush says, everyone just go shopping. Okay?"

Touring the new province of Northpolistan, Russian President Vladimir Putin refused to comment directly, but quoted an old Siberian aphorism: "When fleas lie down with potatoes, the meek shall inherit brunch." Pressed for clarification by members of the international press, he shook his fist at the cameras and whispered, "We will bury you."

Still pending are official statements from Wetzelbill, Kurovski and Rove themselves. For now, Washington, the nation and the world can only wait, watch and pray.

[Kurovski]

1. This is just one more symptom revealing why we can’t trust our ailing fourth estate.

One thing I will not stand for is a falsehood reported as truth.

Robert Novak was exiting the Corvette dealership after getting his hanging fuzzy dice replaced, not leaving his dentist as was erroneously reported. (this is why I call the AP "Accuracy? Please!")

The rest is absolutely the needle-in-my-eye-scout's-honor-to-Christ truth.

Before we all enthusiastically welcome Karl aboard our carbon neutral rocket-ship to success, let me tell you a bit about how all this came about. But first, please put those pitchforks and bricks down. Thank you.

It all started with an unsolicited call from a stranger saying they were interested in working on our campaign. He wouldn't reveal his name, but I'd be able to recognize that familiar, garbled, mouth-full-of-saliva speech pattern even if it were in a 3-way shouting match with Karen Hughes and Mary Matlin.

When we met Karl he opened with a joke. "I'm punishing myself" he spluttered. "The kingdom is in shambles, and like Hitler, I've decided to bite down hard on my medicine."

We appreciated his humorous take on being licked. The whole world hates his work so far and we could admire his good humor about it all, despite the tears welling in his eyes as he watched Wetzelbill fiddling with his ipod and scarfing Doritos. He said it reminded him so much of all those meetings with George.

We even found his ironic statement about working with Wetzelbill/Kurovski refreshing, as hardly anyone ever talks about Hillary or Barack anymore. On the internet and in the streets, all anyone ever reads or hears about is "The W/K". How could working with us hurt? So funny.

My momma always says that if you meet someone you despise face-to-face, you'll always find something you like about that person. Did you know that Karl absolutely LOVES guacamole? It's true. And soon Dems will know the secret of turning Kool-Aid into Dom Perignon and how, like Superman, we can reverse the earth's rotation just by eating a bag of doughnuts. I think that's what he said. I had one ear out listening to The Roast of Flava Flav so I'm not 100% on the details.

It's an exciting time we live in, I'll tell you that for sure.

Karl the genius also knows how to take care of the whole Global Warming thingy. So no more with the electoral teasing, Al. It's done. We can handle it. So just keep making your movies and rocking on dude, cause we gotcha covered. Everyone: put away those "Gore's great for 08" signs, or whatever. "Wetzelbill/Kurovski: We're here, we're half queer...get used to it."

And yes, I know what you're all thinking: "Karl Rove just isn't GAY enough!", and believe me, that was the very FIRST thing I thought, too. But then when I expressed this aloud at the meeting, Wetzelbill nudged me and whispered "Jeff Gannon". So really--and think about it--one way or another The Gay Agenda has swallowed Karl whole.

So remember the Bible story about Raul on the road to Damascus and how he converted to good and changed his name to RuPaul. It reveals to us how even shit-eating bastards can help make the world pretty again when they see the light.

Karl also said something about a lighter sentence, I guess he wants to make our speeches less florid.

Our fine and manly President-God Wetzelbill stayed on at the meeting, while I had to go dye my goatee and polish my Bally Moka Vaschettas for an engagement the next day, but Our W can fill you in on what happened after my departure.

If there are any questions, please feel free to ask. Someone will probably answer them, I suppose.

[JeffR]

8. In fairness to AP, it's pretty widely known that Novak's dentist

works out of a Corvette dealership. You politicians are so insular.

But I thank you for the candid report on how all this came about. It hints at the new era of transparency your ticket promises to a nation exhausted by spin and choked by the smog of war.

The Clintonistas and Obama-Mamas are crying uncle right about now, is my guess.

[Kurovski]

9. You'll get the scoop every time, JR.

Make no mistake about it. :thumbsup:

At this point, I really do have very sad feelings in my heart for every other candidate.

We'll be reaching out to each and every one of them, and I'll personally be reaching out to at least one of Mitty's sons.

[AtomicKitten]

14. Is that 'reach out to' or a reach-around

to one of Mitten's sons? Now that's what I call bipartisanship.

[Kurovski]

15. Umm.

We'll see.

[Wetzelbill]

71. The rest of the meeting: Karl ate all the Doritos

At first, this angered me. But then he gave me some reading material while he discussed strategery with the rest of our advisors and made some phone calls. I had no idea that a story about a pet goat could be so good.

I guess the bottom line is when you have a responsibility you have to accept it. I mean, you can't just have a pet goat and expect to slide on by while everybody else takes care of it. You have to go out and take care of that fucking goat yourself.

After that Karl was on the phone with some guy named "Jeff" and he had to go somewhere for awhile. I pretty much just watched Dora The Explorer, and waited. But what was good is when a sweaty, pasty and ruffled looking Karl came back, he had a bunch of doughnuts and ice cream. That was cool.

I couldn't tell him all that much, just that I plan on breaking the vacation record, and using my office to pick up women. So the strategery sessions went a little slow. Mainly I just kept saying that we can start implementing some of his ideas "Pending Kurovski's approval." With that he said: "Great, looks like I have to deal with another Dick."

I am not sure what he meant by that.

I am not sure about this, but one thing troubled me. He did leave a message for Kurovski(you) where he said something like " I've dealt with stupid politicians before, and I'm not sure this fucking idiot can pull this off."

Who the hell was he talking about anyway?

I'm sleepy.

[Kurovski]

77. He's had decades of experience with one of the world's most stupendous idiots.

Let's not worry about a misunderstood phone message, my peace and booty-loving American God of true freedom.

Get some rest. Dream up a few more First Ladies. Karl says that's your homework for next week.

[jazzjunkysue]

94. "The Gay Agenda has swallowed Karl whole." These gross over-

generalizations weaken the ticket. I thought W/K was going to rise above petty bickering and stick to areas where a stiff oratory and a strong hand can really make a difference.
:wtf:

[Kurovski]

96. Well, it is in that spirit that I embrace such hope.

Onward, forward, and most importantly...upward we travel together into a new societal frontier, paving the way for a brighter hour to be lived in a future tomorrow our vision and dreams have unfurled before us as we embrace the new life to be lived later.

Together we can grasp it, and lick anything standing full-square before us.

[jazzjunkysue]

104. Words to live by.

[Wheezy]

2. Ha! k&r n/t

[TwilightGardener]

3. ...

:toast: :rofl:

[AtomicKitten]

4. Smooth move.

[AlCzervik]

5. woohoo! Ok--employee to stuff dead hookers in the trunk of competing candidates--check!

[Kurovski]

41. So then...

are you available to moonlight?

Just asking.

[AlCzervik]

61. i'm not gonna lie, i was thinking of that job for myself, looks like i'll have to just

go for oppo research.

[LittleClarkie]

6. I can't believe how long it took me to catch on

Durrrrrrrrr.

[Kurovski]

17. Those AP writers are so very good at what they do.

Real solid reporting. I think they even googled some world maps and stuff.

Double-checked and triple-checked.

[Berry Cool]

7. Oh Lord...

I sensed he could only be up to no good.

Now I KNOW.

[Yael]

10. Let us know how that works out for you boys, aye?

B-)

[Gregorian]

11. Spitball.

Hahaha.

[rosesaylavee]

12. Maybe now we will get a Wetzelbill/Kurovski 2008 DU website?

Can we get 10 DUers to agree to support it? Can I get 10 YESes?

[NancyBreen]

19. I say yes we can

:toast:

[JeffR]

20. Nifty idea! We also need a special W/K '08 DU forum

for all the latest campaign news that "the Man" won't allow us to hear.

And ice cream. We need ice cream, dammit!

[rosesaylavee]

35. Yep, a forum is what I meant...

When DUers know there's FREE ice cream - hey, watch out how busy that forum will be.

The ice cream will be free, right?

Looks like we need 7 more people to say YES to the new Wetzelbill/Kurovsky 08 Forum!!!!1111!!

:party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party::party:

[Kurovski]

40. I dunno, Karl says it sounds like an awful lot of work.

This is sort of a busman's holiday for him.

[rosesaylavee]

47. Weeeelll, get a flunkie to dish the ice cream.

I mean, GEEZ, we should get something to campaign for you all.

[Kurovski]

49. Let's see how it goes.

I know a sure fire way to get the votes you need for a forum: "With a Wetzelbill/Kurovski supporters forum, it will keep these posts out of GDP and GD."

Now watch the votes roll in.

Where is Wetzelbill? He worries me so sometimes.

[JeffR]

50. The ice cream is free if you refuse to pay for it

Yeeeeeh haw!!!!!111!!

[Kurovski]

57. If ice cream manufacturers want to stay in business...

the ice cream is free.

So, did the Cherry Garcia get home ok the other night?

[JeffR]

58. It, uh... melted before I could get it home

:blush:

[Kurovski]

60. MILK SHAKES!

What, did you get caught up in an especially intriguing neon sign on the way home?

Look at the world closely, my man. I'm proud to be a part of this team.

[Laurab]

67. I say YES

and, if need be, I'll sign each and every one of my pets up for an account at DU, just to get the forum started. Although I don't think it will be necessary - I just mean I WOULD if I had to.

I even put a sticky up today saying Wetzelbill/Kurovski '08 and something else I forgot already, and that was BEFORE hearing this news. I really should have known - It all makes perfect sense now!

[NancyBreen]

83. I lived in the 43rd Ward of Chicago

where we voted early and often. Does that work here? If so I vote yes 7 more times.

[MuseRider]

13. Just keep your socks up

Kurovski and dress Bill while you are at it. You to will be so sharp you can't lose! See? You don't need KKKarl.

[Jackpine Radical]

16. Kurovsky, JeffR Enlist Rove in Blatant Play for DUzy Award.

Undercover informant Deep DooDoo, meeting Jackpine Radical as usual in the underground garage, claims that the Kurovsky-JeffR team, since acquiring Rove as a consultant, have managed to rig the DUzy award process. According to Deep DooDoo, "Rove says it was child's play after rigging Florida and the Supreme Court in 2000 and fixing Ohio in 2004."

[Kurovski]

18. Karl has told me that the Christmas gift Wetzelbill gave me, which was Diebold,

is now worthless thanks to that big-mouthed, busy-body grampa Dan Rather.

[Jackpine Radical]

29. Maybe Santa will bring you ES& S or Sequoia.

I think they still malfunction properly.

[Kurovski]

30. Gosh, I hope so.

Not that Wetzelbill/Kurovski need it.

It's just to overcome the right-wing theft. Really, we're a shoo-in. Everybody knows that. We just want those big numbers we've worked so hard on behalf of our nation to get. It's for the voters. It's for America and the world.

[Jackpine Radical]

32. I understand fully. And BTW, I'm sorry about misspelling "Kurovski."

For the life of me I don't know why I do things like that. I mean, what with you guys taking over the world and all, I wouldn't want to get on your bad side by implying you're Russian or anything. (Oops--sorry, Lala, if you're reading this...)

Jeez, I just keep digging myself in deeper.

[Kurovski]

39. It's a big tent.

We don't mind.

And I was just too fucking drunk to notice the error. Karl says I should get myself a hunting license as soon as possible. He says I'm a natural.

[Jackpine Radical]

42. Considering who You are and all, why would you need a license to hunt?

And when it comes to a choice of firearms, there are some nice little Italian over & unders available for $30 or 35,000 that will put to shame anything in Cheney's gun rack. I could start looking for something for you if you'd like. Nturally I'd be happy to forego my finder's commission. Maybe we could talk over some yacht contract deals while we're fitting you for the gunstock.

[Kurovski]

43. Liberals are liberal about everything, right?

I'm open. But I want to pay my hunting fee like everyone else. State coffers need their pools of graft dough filled just like anyplace else.

I enjoy doing my part. I love America, dammit!

[Jackpine Radical]

44. Oh, God, thats so Knoble. Spokin like a troe libral.

(Shit. I just red Nance's thred & its caching.)

[Kurovski]

45. Hmm. Next time I'm in Madison I gotta have me a little mano e mano

with that avatar of yours. Maybe get him to climb aboard the "everlasting happiness" express here. Maybe he's finally interested in getting a winning ticket punched for a change.

Do you have an in?

He's single again...is that true? He'd have more time to campaign, is why I ask.

[Jackpine Radical]

53. Well, he keeps sending me these emails asking for my opinion on things, ya know.

I'm sure I could broker some kinda deal here. What kinda terms you willing to offer?

And while we're on the topic, I see where Barb Lawton & Tammy Baldwin have both come out for Hillary. Uh, maybe "come out" isn't such great terminology in Tammy's case; no point in getting THOSE rumors started about her & Hillary...but anyway, I expect Hillary's campaign is gonna crash & burn pretty soon now that you guys are on the scene, so I imagine they'll be looking for another campaign to endorse, so maybe I could put in a good word with Barb & Tammy too.

[Kurovski]

59. Hillary who?

Is your sister running for student body president? In that case, my best to her! Maybe I'll stop by Hillary's school and give her friends a pep talk.

It's an exciting and beautiful future we have planned for the youth of America, I can tell you that much for sure!

[Berry Cool]

21. And I can testify that Rove fixed Ohio in 2004.

Things have been sterile around here ever since.

[Jackpine Radical]

28. A cutting comment indeed.

Hard to cum up with stiff competition or mount much of a campaign--no bull.

[Patsy Stone]

22. But he's a loser.

What are you going to do with all of that dead weight? Jeez, you might as well just go ahead and hire Bob Shrum, Terry McAuliffe and Donna Brazille while you're at it.

Still, he probably gets free food at Applebee's, which will come in handy on the campaign trail.

[Kurovski]

23. Well, we shouldn't be discussing this in public, but

there is a distinct psychological advantage.

[Patsy Stone]

24. To Applebee's?

I think not. Now, perhaps, if it was The Olive Garden, it might be a different story.

I'm just worried about you guys having to hang out with him, you know. That's a downer -- and an extra mini-bar tab (and I'll bet that guy can drink!). Is the ROI worth it? His computer switchin' skills ain't what they used to be, and if Wetzelbill gets drunk enough, I'm sure he'll do a fine job at the AEI and Heritage Foundation luncheons.

It's a huge sacrifice to make for your country; and your supporters appreciate the selflessness of the gesture considering you'll be 50 miles from nowhere in a Motel 6 with this guy. But please man, think!

I worry because I care.

[Kurovski]

25. Karl is a changed man.

Or whatever. He smells faintly reptilian to be straightforward about it.

Is Old Spice supposed to smell that way?

[JeffR]

26. You must be thinking of Old Spoor

Fred Thompson wears it too, I think.

[Kurovski]

27. Have you had the fried plantains at The Grill from Ipanema?

I'll take you there next week. Perfectly scrumptious.

[JeffR]

51. Always room inside my beltway for fried plantains

:9

[connecticut yankee]

34. Love your poster

can I get a bumper sticker?

[JeffR]

52. Once the graft starts kicking in

Free bumper stickers for everyone!

[Kurovski]

63. Graft! Ha ha! What a funny thing to call contributions!

What an imagination, I'm telling you. :rofl:

[Canuckistanian]

31. Hey! I never heard of this hamster thing!

This is friggin' DISASTER. The Domesticated Rodent lobby is gonna be all over our asses now. And that's unpleasant enough in itself.

Ok, Ok, all is not lost yet. Let's reason this out. Rats. Everything is now Rats. Don't EVER use the words Chinchilla, Guinea Pig, Gerbil or Mouse. They're all RATS. Big, scary, disease-ridden... well, you get the picture.

GOD, I love politics.

[NanceGreggs]

33. THIS JUST IN ...

Source: Pixley Picayune

"FreeRepublic Goes Ballistic over Rove Bailout!"

Some samplings from the website as at 8:00 pm EST:

"shoulda seen it cuming - when rats dessert a sinking ship, its always the FAT ONES that jump first!"

"WHAT A MORAN!!!! Doesn't Karl know that Hilrey's gonna win, so why hes wasting his time with these Wetzovski/Kurocobil guys ANYHOW!?!"

"jest came across this while I was cerfing the net - this is a outrage to be sure!"

"I hear one of these giys is queer and the other one is gay - dont quote me on that - but pass it around ..."

"NO AMNETSY FOR ROVE! What a TRAIDER he turned out to be!!!!"

"Don/t make me LAFF OUT LOUD! Too DUERS are gonna beet Major Rudie Juliani? YEAH RITE! Those'll be the daze!"

"This will mean drive-thru abortion clinics on every corner!!!"

"Thats not the worst of it, my friend - two Democrap Libruls in the WH will mean equal rites for all Americans unregardles of faith, creed, or ability to pay!!!"

"Lets hope the hamster-on-the-car-roof story has legs ..."

"There goes the cuntry."

"Calm down, everybody ... we shouldn;t believe any of this crap until we hear from our president and Commander-inCheif as to what the fuck is going on. At least we can relay on getting the TRUTH when he speeks!"

"How many TIMES did I post on this very cite that ROVE was a scheeming bastid who would scweel his piggie heart out when it was for to suit his own purposes??? HOW MANY TIMES>>>>"

"As a Christian, I am appalled at the actions of this FAT FUCK, and the shit that's coming out of his LYIN' FUCKING MOUTH! I hope he BURNS IN HELL FOR THIS SHIT!!! Thanks for letting me SPEW!!! I remain Yours in Christ ..."

"I am hughly disapointed, but our CinC still has good people like Rumsford, Powel and Libbie to rely on for series advise."

"Face it folks - WE ARE SO SCREWN!"

[rosesaylavee]

36. ... ahhhhh

:rofl:

I am impressed at your high-level of FP linguistics. If we ever need someone to go into Freeperville undercover, you'll get the call.

[NanceGreggs]

38. I actually have software that translates ...

... English into Freepereeze.

I won't get into the technicalities, but Step One is "locate spell-check, then disable and delete ..."

[Kurovski]

37. Wow. Just wow.

So I wonder how many of those folks we can get to vote for us?

[NanceGreggs]

46. ALL OF THEM ...

... if you follow these four easy "F"s:

1. Fund your campaign with money from crooked lobbyists and/or common criminals

2. Fuck as many men, women or animals as you can find

3. Find ways to Funnel taxpayers' dollars into the pockets of your friends, and into the corporations in which you hold major shareholdings

And then execute "F" number 5:

Publicly announce that the Lord has FORGIVEN all of your sins

You are now prepared to take the next step towards the presidency ... please proceed to Level II.



Oh, and have a nice day! :D

[Kurovski]

54. The fact is I am awfully religious.

and Wetzellbill is often prone, so we can say he's always praying. Or about to.

I just don't understand the financial stuff. I'm just naturally generous is all I know.

[Laurab]

68. One other thing to get their vote...

have a meeting - a kind of "get to know the freepers" type meeting. Have free beer, so they'll maybe show up, and PROMISE them you will have more than enough porta-potties. More than enough is usually one, but with free beer, you never know.

This is the most exciting thing I've heard all day - and I'm kicking myself because I really SHOULD have known when Karl announced his resignation that you two had something to do with it. And I would have bet my bottom dollar that you would mention Jeff Gannon in your first post about it, too. I still say it was Karl, and I think you'll be getting to know Jeffy, which is why you're really doing this, isn't it??? I admit it, I'm a little jealous of Jimmy Jeff, but it's nothing I can't live with.

Can we call KKKarl turdblossom, too?

[Kurovski]

79. We need a new nickname for Karl.

Maybe we should have a contest?

I submit "Jack Ass Hammer."

[Laurab]

85. I think a contest is a good idea

"Jack Ass Hammer" is okay, but not nearly as catchy as turdblossom. Plus it's kind of an insult to jackasses everywhere. Maybe Wetzelbill has a little pet name for him already? I'm really glad he finally showed up here, the leadership was missing ... or something was missing, maybe not exactly leadership.

I can think of a lot of nicknames for Karl, but, unfortunately, I have to change my attitude about him, now that he's on our team, so they wouldn't fit, either. I'm going to think (and probably get a headache), about this one. Turdblossom will be tough to beat.

[Kurovski]

86. I agree.

Renaming Karl has been the toughest challenge in our campaign thus far.

[Laurab]

102. Oh, if I only had a memory - Stephen Colbert has also hired him

he said so tonight, and he had a GREAT name for him - feces something - some type of flower. I thought it fit perfectly. Of course we couldn't use the same one anyway, but I liked the idea.

I wonder if he stole the idea from Wetzelbill and you and Jeff? Will we have to fight for Fecesblossom? I'd be more than happy to discuss it with Mr. Colbert, if someone could arrange a meeting...

[Kurovski]

107. Pure truthiness on Colbert's part.

Rove is on his way to becoming the new Abbey Hoffman.

Was the name "Feces Geranium"?

[Laurab]

109. It may have been.....I just don't recall

and I'm not even practicing not recalling! For KKkarl, I think any name that starts with Feces would be appropriate. Colbert nailed it once again!

[Kurovski]

110. Caca Bloom.

Rove is trying to be a liberal now!

[Laurab]

111. I like it.

although Caca seems too nice for Rove, it kind of has a ring to it. Feces suits him better, but I don't really care for the word. Blooming Caca could be a new expression, too. You are so very clever, I hope Wetzelbill knows how lucky he is to have you!

[Wetzelbill]

74. oh we have that all wrapped up

[JeffR]

56. Ol' JimRob or RimJob or SkimKnob or whatever his name is

Must be havin' fits over there.

Heh heh.

[Patsy Stone]

64. I've heard

even posting about Karl and his traitorous move will get you banned over there.

LOL, Nance! :thumbsup:

[eridani]

72. Count on freepers to put the cunt back in cuntry------ n/t

[riona]

84. Eye luv yore cents of humer!!

[NancyBreen]

48. Which Wikipedia definition is Turd Blossom, really?

Is he a flower, a smell or a stain? How much time will he have to work on your campaign if Leahy and Conyers arrest him for Congressional Contempt? Oh, that’s right, he is still covered by Executive Privilege and you guys don’t have to campaign as long as Fox Noise says you’ve won. BTW is Wetzelbill on vacation through the whole campaign so he can keep his promise to take more vacation than Dubya?

[JeffR]

55. Wetzelbill must be hunkered down with Rove

clearing brush somewhere, and practicing his swagger and his smirk. Karl hates to deviate from his magic formula. That and five Supreme Court justices are good for the brass ring... every time!

[Jackpine Radical]

62. Oh, God, "hunkered down with Rove."

Make the image go away. I don't like it!

[Kurovski]

65. We sent him to Edward's barber

or was it Elizabeth's hair dresser? At any rate, he's starting to look a little better.

And all the crying he's been doing gives him a vulnerable edge. Kinda turns the stomach, but just when some compassion fights its way to the surface, it's swamped by the nausea again.

It's rough on all of us.

Not so much "winning at all costs" as it is "the cost of winning."

He still has that lizardy smell. Like an iguana or something.

[Jackpine Radical]

66. I think lemon juice sorta cuts the reptile smell.

Or you could try a tomato juice bath. It helps a little with hounds that get skunked. In this case, of course, you're dealing with a skunk that got hounded.

[Wetzelbill]

69. to Bill Richardson: Holy shit, Andy Card is available?

I need to make a phone call.

[Wetzelbill]

70. I would like to let all my supporters know, this in no way changes my platform..

I will still be seeking to destroy Bush's vacation record, and I pledge to honor the office with as many First Ladies that I can possibly revolve in and out during my years in office.

Also, bicentennial_baby was my official Rove, before we actually got the real thing, but all this means is now I actually have two Roves. And I fear her more.

Now you may ask, since I have a gay running mate, why would the campaign hire a man who notoriously smears opposing candidates as being gay and has a history of using the issue to divide the country? Well, our campaign believes in winning. And if we have to fight dirty, well, we will do so. Karl's past is just that. Now when he is accusing someone of being gay, he will be doing so in the name of progressive ideals. That doesn't really make sense. I just read whatever Kurovski puts on the teleprompter.

I have never owned a hamster. It was the family cat I did that to.

For Vladimir Putin: If you try to bury fleas with my brunch, it will be me doing the burying. Just remember that.

[Kurovski]

73. Umm...

I may not be gay after all.

At least until we pass gay marriage in all fifty states. I'm thinking I might be more of a great admirer of hyper-masculine constructs and behavior. A Chris Matthews sort of feller, if you will. Like living in a closet made of glass.

More on that later. We've got another meeting on Thursday at The Pig and Spittle at 11:45. Will you be sober enough to stand up? Because I can get a wheelchair and say you injured your leg saving a trapped squirrel or some shit like that.

How about the power of speech, will that be in your control then? Any word here?

[Wetzelbill]

76. I do think that it would be great strategy if we face Romney in the GE

If you just take out his sons one by one. All five.

Oh I doubt I'll be sober. I'll just sit around in my wheelchair, wrinkle my eyebrows up and do that blank Bush stare, that says "I'm stupid and lost, but I'm pretending to listen, because people will tell me what to do later on." Mainly, I'll keep my mouth shut and act presidential.

[Kurovski]

80. Five guys from Utah, huh?

If they all went to prep school, then half the work is done.

If not, it could be rough-riding. I'll have to talk an awful lot about how hot diligent and mindful gals are to get 'em in the mood.

I'll load the wheelchair.

[Wetzelbill]

75. He turned a prep school weenie into a macho cowboy

Imagine what the hell the guy will do for me? I mean I'm a Montana hick, former bullrider, who actually isn't scared of horses. By the time Rove is done with my image I'll be like Paul Bunyan or something.

[Kurovski]

78. OMG!

It will be near-to impossible for me to go straight. In fact, I bet you'll turn the nation gay with all that super-hot manliness Karl will inject you with.

Don't forget the wrestling.

I'm going to have to go to those "pray the gay away" meetings. I'm sure they'll work out fine. The purpose will be served.

[autorank]

81. Take Rove and you get Gannon too.

Now what are you guys going to do with that??? Little dirt biking?

I was going to ask if you would take the

* NO work * NO school * NO shopping pledge for 9/11/2007 - the General Strike

if you were going to "Hit the Streets"

But I realized that you're basically on strike daily and I'll refrain from commenting on
"the streets."

You guys are fighting a tough fight as though it were tea with the Queen, Elizabeth, that is.

What happens when Romney wants to take one of you on vacation. Better hope that there is room
in the car;) And don't ever say "Bungee, my ass!" around him. You never know.

I think I'll just show up every now and then and do bad Shtick on these threads. I feel right
at home - hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Just kidding, home's great but the 2-D world is getting
very strange.

Is is true that you're going to take a page out of Nixon's book and design your own presidential
guard uniforms. Those guys will never tolerate spandex body suits, so forget it.

[Wetzelbill]

82. We can design new uniforms?

Man, I'm liking the idea of this job more and more everyday.

There is no way I would embarass myself in front of the Queen as badly has Bush has. Well, maybe I could think something up. I could do the "Merkel Grope" maybe?

[Kurovski]

88. Do a Chris Matthews and ask the queen to lean in closer to the camera.

Imply how smokin' hot she looks.

Or maybe I should be the one to do that now that Karl says I'll have to be a "recovering gay" in order to get some civil rights.

Karl said he advised Matthews to horn-dog that reporter on camera to deflect rumors. But you already knew that, didn't you? :shrug:

[autorank]

99. What?

I'm toiling away...missed tweetie, and the Rather report too. I'm glad he did it though and I'll bet it was great. Have to catch it later.

But what's with Tweetie. I need an airline barf bag to watch that guy. Save me the stress Prince of All that you Survey.

Your most humble servant and supporter.

[Kurovski]

117. Forgive the lateness of my reply...

From that exquisite news source, The New York Post:

"Was MSNBC's Chris Matthews perving on CNBC hottie Erin Burnett on live TV the other night? It sure looked that way when, as Burnett discussed the nation's mortgage crisis, the "Hardball" host suddenly asked: "Could you get a little closer to the camera, come in closer . . . come in closer, really close." A baffled Burnett responded, "What are you. . ." to which Matthews cut in, "Ha! Ha! Just kidding! You look great!" As a flustered Burnett said she wanted to look at the tape, Matthews continued, "Look at that! . . . No, you're beautiful. I'm, just kidding. I'm just kidding, you're a knockout!"

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=389&topic_id=1583228

[autorank]

98. That's one I have not seen...care to demonstrate...on your VP;)

[Kurovski]

87. Bad shtick is all we have left.

And love. Always plenty of love. It solves everything you know.

Ask Barack.

It's tough times Sir auto. :hug:

I'll be joining the general strike, but it will be easy for me to do so. Here's more info on it...written by you!:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1574936

[autorank]

100. Bad shtick central here...

...I'd like to take credit for writing that but I was actually channeling Eleanor Roosevelt, just like HRC told me. I take the byline because it's just too hard to explain THAT type of experience.

Now what's with this Obamma love thing? Got a cutie on the side?

[Laurab]

103. I think he's got a bunch of them.

of both sexes, too - he's got quite the fan club going on, although I'm not sure if he knows it or not, and I would never, EVER want to embarass Kurovski!
Not even a little bit. It's just whenever I see him, I just feel.....I dunno:

:hug: and :grouphug: and :loveya: !!!

[Kurovski]

112. That's so sweet.

You're like Monica Goodling, but with a brain and a conscience.

[Laurab]

114. Oh, you're too kind.

And I have to say, I type nothing but the truth - well, mostly, anyway. That's such an interesting compliment you gave me - in fact, I find your entire thought process interesting...

Did I mention my dog is having puppies? Maybe even tonight!

[Kurovski]

118. Congratulations!

May I suggest some names?

"Mighty God Wetzelbill" "Freedom's Ring" "Cash2W/K" "Escape From Mitt" "L'il Bits" "Republican Torpor" "Wag The Quaqmire" "Purdy Durty" "Obama Trauma" "Hillary Pillory Dock" "I Eat The Enemies Of W/K".

[Laurab]

119. You ALMOST owe me a keyboard!

I managed somehow to control myself and my coffee, though. She's overdue now, I don't think she cares about the stress she's causing me.

I love all the names, really, except for Obama Trauma, since I would only use a nice, loving name for Obama. Last time, I named them all John, since they were born on my brother's birthday, and I thought this time I'd be able to name them all after my dad, because his birthday was the 10th, but the damn dog is late again, selfish thing she is.

My favorites, though: "Mighty God Wetzelbill" ; "I Eat The Enemies Of W/K"; "Hillary Pillory Dock" and of course: "Kurovski King Of All Things Great and Beautiful" for the best looking, most personable one.

[Kurovski]

113. No sex THIS time Sir auto, Obama is just all about the love.

His healthcare policy seems to be comprised entirely of love.

But with W/K there's more love and more joy than age or time could ever destroy. Our gleaming rocket-ship to success uses it as fuel.

[The Sushi Bandit]

89. PARODY!!!!

no such people!

[Wetzelbill]

92. surely you jest!!!!!

[Hissyspit]

90. Is there really a Grill From Ipanema? I want to eat there.

Brazilian fare?

[JeffR]

91. From Yahoo Travel:

"Sassy and full of energy, this Brazilian restaurant in hip Adams-Morgan serves authentic dishes with flair in a funky environment complete with plastic palm trees. Start off with a fruity batida cocktail or perhaps an eye-opening caipirinha. Grilled fresh fish and creamy coconut and seafood stews bring a taste of the tropics. Chicken and beef dishes are marinated in flavorful seasonings and grilled. The national dish—feijoada; a sausage and black bean stew—is the house specialty."
:9

[Hissyspit]

95. I'll keep that in mind if I go to the Sept. 15 protests. Thanks!

:9

[jazzjunkysue]

93. "once strapped his family's pet hamster to his American Flyer"

Yes, but, does he wear the secret magic underwear?

[Kurovski]

97. How can we get Grovelbot to show up here and endorse us?

Anyone have something to blackmail him with?

[opihimoimoi]

101. The BIG BOYS mentioned something and .......PHOOF..Carl had his run...

[Melissa G]

105. W/K is a plot I tell you! ....A plot... to distract hardworking activists

from their toils of fighting election fraud. This hilarity is too much I tell you... tooo much...
saaaave meeeee....:rofl:

[Kurovski]

106. Say the word and you shall be healed.

I think two-year political campaigns are a plot to distract us from...everything! :hi:

[Melissa G]

108. Kurovski... Kurovski Wetzelbill Kurovski ....yes...I'm feeling better now

I am Healed!!! Hallelujah!!!! Kurovski has Healed me! I must testify! All Hail Kurovski Wetzelbill..Wetzelbill Kurovski!:hi:

[Wetzelbill]

115. I just can't believe this thread is still alive

I can't even imagine what's going to happen when I have my first sex scandal. The attention will be horrid!!!!

[Kurovski]

116. You mean we're still not inoculated against scandal?

All this work to inure the populace to it has been for naught?

Why do we even bother to help America anymore?

[Wetzelbill]

120. We're supposed to HELP Mercka?

Shit, I have it all wrong.

[Kurovski]

121. EVERYTHING we do we do for AMERICA.

Remember?