To the Fair & Balanced Media - Democratic Underground

NanceGreggs

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Thu Jun-28-07 06:58 PM
Original message

To the Fair & Balanced Media

Edited on Thu Jun-28-07 07:43 PM by NanceGreggs

To The Fair & Balanced Media
By Nancy Greggs

I know that all of you pride yourselves on being fair and balanced, and use every effort to present both sides of every issue.

I must apologize that we, the loony left, have so far been unable to accommodate your programming needs in this regard by providing an articulate spokesperson to balance the many appearances of Ann Coulter on your shows.

We know exactly what would be required, and have advertised widely in an effort to find the perfect candidate for this important position. Alas, our efforts have so far been fruitless.

Despite the numerous visits of Jeff Gannon to the White House, we have been unable to locate anyone who is willing to publicly state that George W. Bush is a big time fag, or that SCOTUS member Justice Alito should be poisoned, or that the war-supporting parents of troops slain in Iraq are enjoying the attention that the deaths of their children have garnered.

Although the (so-called) Religious Right have hijacked Christianity, no one of our political persuasion wants to strenuously suggest that they all be rounded up and forced to convert to Islam, Judaism, or Buddhism – or, for that matter, to actual Christianity. And try as we might, we cannot find a single soul in our ranks who hopes that any GOP presidential hopeful, nor anyone else who still supports the war in Iraq, will die at the hands of terrorists. In fact, although we polled our current Democratic office-holders, not one of them is willing to wish for another 9-11-type attack on our country in order to prove that G.W. Bush has not made the country safer.

It would seem incongruous that people who don’t hesitate to open their big, fat mouths about transparent government, fair elections, and the corruption running rampant in the GOP, would suddenly become such shrinking violets when it comes to publicly discussing the First Twins Gone Wild behavior of Barbie and Jenna, the consistent cluelessness of every administration spokesperson on every topic, and the blatantly obvious criminal activity that, thanks to BushCo, has become business as usual in every aspect of government.

For all of our faults, it cannot be said that we don't have what many perceive to be our own wackos, like Michael Moore promoting accessible health care for all Americans to the detriment of insurance company profits, or Al Gore promoting the kind of conscientious stewardship that could seriously undermine the good folks who are gouging us at the pumps and destroying the environment at the same time.

We ask ourselves the question, again and again: Why will no one of our ilk step up to the plate, and openly discuss their desire to see death and destruction visited upon each and every citizen who does not agree with our position?

I think the answer is painfully obvious: We just don’t seem to have anyone who is classless enough, ignorant enough, or whacked-out enough to promote tastelessness, bigotry and hatred and attempt to pass it off as productive political discourse.

Well, we may be down, but we’re not out. We can still hope that some totally insane liberal will write a few books espousing war and violence as an answer to everything, which will be purchased in bulk by left-wing organizations so as to catapult said tomes to the top of the bestseller lists, thereby creating an instant hate-mongering celebrity who can do the talk-show circuit and spew their nonsensical ideology right along with Annie.

Yeah, it could happen. But I’m not holding my breath – and neither should you.

In the meantime, a hearty thanks on behalf of all good citizens for your fair and balanced reportage – and an abject apology for being too spineless to resort to personal attacks, pseudo-statistics, blatantly obvious lies, and the unabashed calls to violence against our fellow citizens in order to further our Democratic agenda.

I guess we’re just too honest, too straightforward, and too patriotic for our own political good.

Sorry.