...with thoughts of hope and optimism, but with tears in my eye's.

[rndmprsn]

i just woke up after forcing myslef to stay up till 3AM...and had to turn off the TV after 10 mins...i came here for comfort among friends and for time to reflect...

i know all the votes haven't been counted in OH, and i know some machines broke down in IA...looks like NM is to close to call right now too.

i'm trying to stay positive and not give up...i don't want kerry to concede at least until the OH vote has been counted and i'm willing to put time and $ into an organized effort to challenge some state vote results...namely OH, IA and FLA and also massive voter suppression.

that said...my heart is broken.

i'm not a freeper or troll...so please save it. i'm torn up...one part of me wants to beleive that last night exposed how fragile our democracy is...that something sinister happened...that the election was stolen by a ruthlessly applied combination of e-voting, repub cheating of many kinds, doctored corp polls, complicit corp media etc etc...but another part of me is frightened that this country has become a semi-facist/nationalist/RW-ideological/reactionary-christian nation...

IF...its still in question, but if the kerry campaign ends up losing for whatever reasons, most stated above...we the progressive-liberals of america have much to fear...a super RW supreme court who's influence will be felt for decades, anti-gay ammendments to the constitution, patriot act 2, even more collusion of church and state, war with no end...i know most of you know this...but for me this is the first time i have collected my thoughts since waking up this morning to the nightmare of, well whats going on right now...reality slapped my ass hard just now...anyhow, i'm typing all this down for the first time and the totality has hit me and i feel like our collective backs have been broken if not our spirit.

whats wrong with this country...i know this is going to be the refrain coming from our camp...where we went wrong? we had everything...the $, the organizations, the candidate, the issues, a president who seemed so beatable and vulnerable, and on and on....what happened? i might have answered myslef above...i'm not sure.

like i listed above, my confusion as to what happened...election stolen or country changed to unrecognizable state...i dont know what i'm going to do personally...this hurts so much. part of me wants to stay in it and fight...but part of me is reacting like you would to a failed relationship...withdrawal, for awhile at least...resignation, i don't know...still sorting it out.

i know this at least...if john kerry, who i have come to love asks me to fight and that he is NOT going to give up or concede...i WILL fight for him...but if he concedes what does that say to us? i hope he fights...we need the leadership...i know i do personally right now. this is the short-term...the long term outside of a kerry/edwards victory is almost too frightening to think about...beyond the obvious of having to look at and hear george w bush and his cabal for another four years, personal reprehension to the RW etc...this country and my beloved democratic party is going to go through some dark times...i was hoping beyond hope, but...maybe some kind of catharsis is needed...i dont know.

other thoughts as a stare at my puter screen...

now i really know how people felt at the time of the civi war...in the sense that there are irreconcilable differences, that the regions of this large fractious country hate each other so, national doom that the other guy won or lost.

europe is looking mighty good

so is canada

i dont want to give up...but i also don't want to bring up my kids (dont have any yet) in this kind of country.

what kind of message is the world taking from this, our national tragedy right now....ugh, this really depresses me as i have been a world traveler for some years now.

i love this country sooo much, i love our democratic party sooo much,i still love john kerry and john edwards i love you all and i still beleive in a better day

...with hands shaking from the forced caffeine, i'm going to close...with thoughts of hope and optimism, but with tears in my eye's.

edit-

[rndmprsn]

1. when is the kerry campaing going to speak to us?

anyone know?

[greenbriar]

2. my heart is the same way

I am in such dispair

[rndmprsn]

3. pam...i feel you

i just want to go back to bed...

the victory party i had last night...turned into a surreal and sad gathering of friends.

but i still want to fight...just waiting for kerry to ask us too